A/N: Just a quick reminder. My portrayal of fangirls in this story are meant to be stereotypical and odd, so don't be offended or I'll eat you, om nom nom.

"Sorry, Mello," Tori apologized helpfully as fangirls encircled Mello.

"OMG OGMG OGMGMGMGMGMG MELLOOO!"

"SO R U SINGLE MELLZZ?"

"OMGZ WE R GUNNA GET MARRIED!"

"I LUVVV UUU!"

A 'brilliant' idea crept into Mello's mind. "Actually, I'm taken."

If Mello was taken, the fangirls would back off, right? They would think that they now have no chance of getting him, right? ...Right?

"WAAAAT?"

"That's right, I'm taken."

"OMGZ BY WHOO? BY WHOOO?"

"…You don't need to know." The blond teenager's confidence diminished slightly.

"OMGZ DEN I ASSUME UR LIEK LYING. LOL YA SO WE CAN SNOG YOU TO DEATH."

"Fine! My girlfriend is… Tori!" He spoke the name of the first that came into his mind.

The said girl faced Mello in surprise and confusion. "...Huh? When di-"

"WHOZ DAT?"

The genius gestured towards Tori, smirking. "Her."

"...E-e-eh?"

Then came the expected angry outburst from the fangirls. "OAFFSHDOWIFHQFJ I H8 U! DIE TORI!"

"Well… I'm going inside." Mello's new 'girlfriend' returned to the apartment, hoping to avoid any conflicts. "U-u-uh... come on, Mello..."

"What the hell happened?" Matt piped.

"...I'm now Mello's girlfriend?"

"GOOD ONE, MATE!" Goggle-head cheered, giving the chocoholic a smack on the back, almost making him fall forwards.

"Matt…"

"Yeah?"

"…What was that for?"

"What was what for?"

Tori twitched in annoyance. "You just said "good one, mate". What the fuck was that for?"

"Okay okay, calm down…" Matt held out both of his hands in front of him in defence.

"WHAT WAS IT FOR?"

"Well, you and Mello practically just met, and you're already a couple?"

Mello coughed to get his best friend's attention. "Matt."

"Yeah, Mells?"

He shot a look at the grinning male, raising an eyebrow, then frowned and blinked multiple times unnecessarily. That was his failed attempt to communicate without words.

"…Huh?"

"OMGZ HAVE YOU TEW KISSED YET?" Somehow, an inhuman strength caused the window to shatter into millions of pieces. …This was the power of rabid fangirls.

Mello gaped at the mess that was now on the floor. "...No."

"OMGZ KISS KISS KISS KISS!"

"Hell no!"

"LOL Y R U SCARED TO KISS UR GF? YU GAY WITH MATT? DATZ WHY?"

Somewhere in the background, a certain gamer made a funny noise that sounded like a combination of a sneeze, a cough and a snort.

"Gu-girls... Just go away…" Tori sighed.

"LOL NICE GOING RORY!"

"It's... Tori…"

"YA YA! WHATEVAZ, LAURIE!"

"...It's Tori."

"LOL SO YA, MELLO! R U GUNNA KISS HER OR BE A GAY SISSY GIRLY GURL?" Blame their short attention spam.

The teenager gave them a threatening glare. "It has nothing to do with you! Now go away!"

"AS MELLO FANGURLZ, IT HAZ EVRYTHANG TO DO WIF US! OTHRWISE WE WILL TELL DA WORLD YUR GAY!"

"FUCK NO! Or I'll shoot you all!" The enraged male pulled out his gun.

"OMGZ WE WILL." Simultaneously, all of the girls whipped out their cell phones, overly decorated with stickers, and began typing a "txt msg" at insane speed.

"DELETE THE MESSAGE NOW, DAMN IT!"

"NAWT UNTIL YOO 2 SMOOCHIE SMOOCH!"

Tori winced at the abuse of English words. "...S-smoochie smooch?"

"The fuck…?"

The fangirls gave them their evil creepy grin of doom, their fingers hovering over the button "Send".

Out of desperation, Mello grabbed Tori and shoved his face onto hers unromantically for a split second along with a flash… from a camera. "THERE. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?"

"H-h-holy…" the victim stammered, turning bright red.

"YAA. BUT DAT WUZ FAKE!"

He had to force himself to not begin slamming his head against the wall. "No, it wasn't! A kiss is a kiss!"

"IT WUZ FAKE. WE KNOW DATZZ."

Matt, of course, previewed the photograph he took with perfect timing. "Whoa. This is pure gold. Pure blackmailing gold…"

And then Tori fainted. No one noticed. Mello was too busy raging at the fangirls, while his evil friend snickered and ran to print millions of copies of the photograph.

"YOO TEW SLEEP IN TEH MELLO'S ROOM!" the girls yelled bossily, dragging Tori's unconscious body to his room.

"WHAT?"

They lifted the girl onto the bed, acting as one. "KBAI WE WILL BEE WATCHING!"

"That's just creepy..."

Tori stirred."...What the f- I had a weird dream! Some creepy girls were crowding you, and they were asking if you were single, and then you were like "Tori is my girlfriend!" And then they were all like "Kiss kiss kiss!" And you grabbed me and kissed me! Weird, huh?"

"…Yes. Weird."

A paper airplane flew out of nowhere, hitting the teenage girl in the face conveniently.

"Open me!" said the plane. No, not really. Objects can't talk.

"...What the?" She opened the airplane and-

HOLY SHIT! IT'S A PICTURE OF TORI AND MELLO KISSING.

Mello groaned. "MATT…"

"Uh... why did you do that?"

He shifted awkwardly. "...I wrongly thought it would drive away the fangirls."

"EXTRA, EXTRA!" a voice shouted. It was Matt throwing the same copies of the paper airplanes out of the window.

"OEIWJNQPOIEJf!" Mello pronounced the non-existing word with professional skills. He grabbed his gun and shot the wall, missing the dude only by a few millimetres.

"…Oh, shiiiiit." Matt jumped out of the window, ironically willing to risk his life to save his life.

"...So anyway, we're going out now? What?" the forgotten Tori asked.

"...Technically, yes. But it's just a cover-up."

She pushed aside her temptation of cheering "YAY YAY YAYYY!" and said, "…Alright then. …Where do I sleep? I'll just stay here. Night!"

"Get off the bed" was the very gentlemanly response.

"Nope."

"GET OFF NOW. OR I'LL PUSH YOU OFF!"

"It's soft in here."

"TOO BAD."

"...No."

Mello leapt onto the bed like a lion attacking its prey. "GET. OFF. NOW."

At that time, Matt happened to have returned. "Hey, what's goin- …" He stopped abruptly and went to get his camcorder to record the seemingly interesting situation.

"No! I don't want to!"

He gave her a rough push. "OFF."

The girl just climbed back on. "NO!"

And another push. Tori quickly grabbed onto the bed frames. "ON!"

Mello approached a new method: pulling.

"MY PANTS ARE SLIPPING!" the girl complained.

"Then get off!"

"No! …My pants just fell off."

"…" Mello finally stopped pulling and looked away, while Matt coughed and decided that this was the right time to stop watching. And to upload the video.

A random bird randomly snatched the random pants and flew out of a random window. "Chirp chirp!" it said evilly before it departed.

"...The bird took my pants!"

"What the fuck was that? …And get another pair?"

"But it's in Matt's room! The fangirls are out there! My hair is all messed up and my pants are off! They're going to get the wrong idea!"

"Sucks for you."

Matt burst into the room. "HEY GUYS. GUESS WHAT?"

"Hm? What?"

"You got five thousand page views in just five minutes on Youtube!"

Mello stared at Matt sceptically. "YouTube?"

"Yeah, I uploaded a video."

"…What video?"

Matt snickered. "Take a look at this…"

While this conversation was taking place, Tori managed to get a pair of Snoopy pyjama pants before returning. "Wait, what video? What is Matt talking about?"

Mello was about just about to falcon punch his friend, but was interrupted by the question. "…You don't want to know."

Matt shoved his laptop into Tori's face. "Look! Six thousand views now!"

"What is it?" She pressed play. "…Matt. You're an ass wipe."

"You're both now Internet phenomenons!"

"WHY DID YOU UPLOAD IT?"

Matt began to back away nervously. "I-I thought it was funny…?"

"I'm going to kill you…" Tori raised a fist slowly.

He immediately bolted out of the room.

Fist lowered. "…Mello? Now what?"

"Somehow get Matt to delete it, I guess… This is going to be hell."

"How so?"

"KNOCK KNOCK! OMGZ PLZ OPEN ME!" the apartment door said. "A FATASS IS POUNDING ON ME!"

Just kidding. But someone did knock on the door, and Mello opened it. "Whaddaya want?"

"M3LLOOO! ARE THEY FAKE? TELL TEH TROOF MELL MELLZ!"

Yes, it was Tiffy.

"...Because of this," he answered Tori's question before replying to the rabid fangirl, sneering. "It's not fake."

"YU TWO SERIOUSLY DID ET?"

"What? HELL NO!"

"DEN WHUT WAS DAT? UR STILL OPEN SINCE YU TWO DIDN'T DO ET? OK! LETS DO ET NOW MELL MELLZ."

Mello's expression twisted into one of disgust. "It doesn't work like that."

"YES IT DUS."

"Yeah, whatever." The door was slammed right in Tiffy's face.

"I WIL FORCE U TEW SINCE U DIDNT DO ET WIT HER SO ETS OKIE," she shrieked through the keyhole.

Mello snickered, turning to walk away. "That's right, talk to the door."

The door was suddenly knocked over. The girl continued her speech that no one cares about. "YEEEY WE R GUNNA DO ET AND MAKE PRETTY BABIEZ"

"…You're gonna pay for that."

"YEY MELLOZ! GESS WAT IM NOT WEERING UNDIES TEWDAY SO WE CAN DEW IT."

"Okay, I didn't need to know that..." The blond teenager took a few steps back, looking almost terrified.

Tiffy apparently didn't know the concept of sign language and followed him. "YEY!"

"STAY BACK, DAMN IT!"

Then she tripped and fell on Mello. The poor prodigy was crushed. "FUCK! GET OFF ME."

Tori walked towards the heap uncertainly. "...Mello? Mells?"

"WHAT?"

"...I'll go away now."

"NO. HELP ME, DAMN IT!"

But you yelled at me!"

"I'M IN AN EMERGENCY SITUATION."

"YOU YELLED AT ME!"

Enter: Mattycakes. "Wha- LOL." He began taking photographs once again.

Tori, loyal to Mello, attacked the photographer. "PISS OFF!"

"But I didn't do shit!" Matt whined.

Despite his protests, she grabbed the camera and hurled it out of the window. "Mello, grab my hand!"

Mello obediently grabbed her hand, and she pulled with all her strength. "Fuck, she's heavy."

"OMMGGG i lyke sitting on mello! IT SO COMFY!" Tiffy stated pointlessly.

"Matt, help!" Tori had no choice but to turn to him.

"B-but you killed my camera!"

"DO IT FOR MELLO, DAMN IT."

"Hmm…"

"I'LL BUY YOU THE NEWEST KIRBY GAME! ASDFGH!" Mello bribed, adding in another unpronounceable term.

"Okay!" Matt agreed without a second thought, and began pulling him out. With a sudden jerk, the crushed male was finally freed.

"0MMGG N0000EZZZ!" Tiffy shrieked. "COME BAK MELLOZ!"

"Uh… Mello, we should run and hide… Again!"