Dear Journal,

Yesterday turned out to be somewhat of a success. After my covert meeting with Brittany, I was able to get some files from my office. These files were mainly more cheer magazines and my blender cup. Oh, Journal! It will work! Today I will begin Phase Two of Step One of My Thirteen Step Plan to rid McKinley, albeit a school honoring a failed President, from the ridicule GLEE has brought it! And with that, SCHUESTER! Oh, every single time I write his name in you Journal, I cringe. That's why ink seeps through your pages as soon as I write his name! I'm sorry about that, Journal. I know you deserve better. Heck, I deserve better, Journal. I…deserve…better. Well Journal, it's time for Phase Two to begin. First, I'll be off to pick up some croissants from the bakery, then to William McKinley to enact my revenge! Love you, Sue.

I looked up from my desk shortly thereafter and thought to myself how difficult today would be. To make sure Step One even had a chance to work I would need blueprints and schematics of William McKinley High, the shrine dedicated to a failed President. Personally, I would dedicate a learning facility to a one Theodore Roosevelt. That man knew how to carry a big stick. I'm digressing now. Blueprints are what I need and what I am going to get. I picked up the telephone that sat on my desk and dialed a number.

"Bird's Blueprints?" I asked.

The man on the other end did not speak but presumably nodded. I widened my eyes and waited for another moment before speaking again.

"Excuse me? Bird's Blueprints? Yes or no?"

"Yes," the man said squeamishly.

"Excellent. I need the blueprints to William McKinley High and I need them ASAP."

"I understand. I can get them to you within the hour."

"Thanks, failure," I replied before hanging up the phone on that insecure man.

As I set the phone down on my desk, I smiled. My plan was about to begin. It had never really come to fruition, but now it was all so real. This was it. Step One of my Thirteen Step plan to rid the world, or William McKinley of Will Schuester would finally commence! I jogged to my closet, looked in it and frowned.

"I need a disguise," I said to myself.

I thought for a mere moment before leaving my town home and entering my vehicle. I was going shopping. I had three hours before GLEE club practice began and I needed a disguise and the blueprints. I pulled out of my designated parking spot, stuck my tongue out at my neighbor, prestigiously of course, and drove off.

The only accessible shopping mall in the area was what I called the Fatty Maker. I believe that any building with escalators and elevators stunted physical activity. I parked in the almost empty parking lot and entered the mall. I immediately passed the Nike store, knowing I would not be able to get anything from it. I needed a legitimate disguise. Something no one would be able to recognize me in. There it was. New York and Company. I would get something chic and trendy. Something Preggo would wear.

"Hello, welcome to New York and Company," the woman at the counter said.

I looked at her, scoffed and continued past her. I saw out of the corner of my eye, her look at me with nothing but disgust.

"If I needed your help, I would ask for it. Don't you CONFRONT me, okay? I'll holla for ya later sistah," I replied.

She froze and just looked at me before turning to a coworker.

"That's what I thought," I said, beginning my hunt.

I looked at all of the various pieces of clothing and almost vomited. Is this what young women wear nowadays? Is this what I, SUE SYLVESTER, would have to resort to? I couldn't believe it.

As I looked around the many racks, I thought "What would make me look so different…so…so…new?" and then I saw it. It was on a mannequin, of course; a light brown pantsuit with some kind of teal blouse. I chuckled and walked on over.

"Hey! How much for this piece of crap," I shouted at the annoying employee.

I could tell immediately that she wasn't happy I had called, but I knew she wouldn't mind helping me. As she walked over I began scrutinizing her like she was a crime scene. She had one freckle on her cheek that made her look 1/16th ginger and the rest…it was just a mess.

"Ginger, how much," I asked, again.

"Umm…sixty dollars for everything…and the shoes will cost you extra, but I don't think any of our shoes…or clothes will fit you, I'm afraid," she mumbled.

I scoffed, "I beg your pardon?"

"Oh…oh…oh, I didn't mean it that way!"

"Oh, I know how you meant it! You think you can come in here and work minimum wage and treat your customers like CRAP? I should report you, but I won't, because I like you ginger, and I know you can help me. Find this in my size," I said handing her a post-it with my measurements. "I will pick it up and pay for it in an hour. If you have to order it, do so," I said sternly. I then shoved her out of my way and proceeded further into the "mall."

I now needed a wig. I couldn't just waltz back in with my infamous hair. I whipped out my old Verizon mobile phone and dialed a number I never thought I'd dial again.

"Winona's Wig Emporium?"

"Yes, this is Winona speaking. How can I help YOU, and your HAIR?"

"Still makes me cringe, Winona. Anyway, I need a wig. Say, long brown wavy hair, one hour?"

"Sue? Is that you?"

"What's it to ya? I need the wig and I'll pick it up within the hour."

"Oh…okay. I just didn't think I'd hear from you…"

"Yeah…you didn't think, just like you didn't think your whole life?"

I hung up after that, having nothing else to say to her. Now that I had ordered everything, I needed to kill time. I left the overcrowded mall, reminiscent of my days in Beijing, and entered my Toyota. Everyone was returning theirs, but not me, Sue Sylvester. Who cares if the brakes don't work? I'll love. I'm a gladiator for crying out loud.

As I backed out of the crowded parking lot I accidentally bumped into a car setting off its alarm. Not only did I not care, I smiled and went on my way. Bird's blueprints was a good 10 minute drive and I needed to get there, fast. It was then, after I turned on my radio, that I heard the most heavenly of words: "Up next, Olivia Newton-John's Let's Get Physical." Not only was this my favorite song, it was the world's favorite song. Who didn't have a workout video dedicated to this musical wonder? Well, not Sue Sylvester. I, for one, had my own music video stashed in the confines of my MacBook. It's not something I'd share with anyone, but I still enjoy it. And now it's beginning!

I'm saying all the things that I know you'll like
Making good conversation
I gotta handle you just right
You know what I mean
I took you to an intimate restaurant
Then to a suggestive movie
There's nothing left to talk about
Unless it's horizontally

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

I've been patient, I've been good
Tried to keep my hands on the table
It's gettin' hard this holdin' back
If you know what I mean

I'm sure you'll understand my point of view
We know each other mentally
You gotta know that you're bringin' out
The animal in me

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get animal, animal
I wanna get animal
Let's get into animal
Let me hear your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Oh! How wonderful! I knew then that I wouldn't even contemplate listening to the next song because it would pale in comparison! It didn't matter, I'd arrived. I parked in the only free spot out of Bird's Blueprints and stormed out of my car. I swung open the door of his shop and barged up to his desk. I pounded on the little bell awaiting his arrival.

"Hmph….just as I thought. He's a scrawny little man with glasses…a little pudgy too."

"Uh…I can hear you?"

"You were meant to squeaky voice. Now do you have my blueprints?"

"Uh…McKinley High?"

"That's the one."

"Yeah…no…I don't have them m'am."

My eyes widened. I was enraged.

"What do you mean, YOU DON'T HAVE THEM?"

"I…I…I couldn't get them?"

"UGH."

"I can get them for you…but it might take some time…"

"Save it and go back to Java you Rhinoceros!"

I left his store, blueprint-less, but not before I had wreaked some damage, leaving the fat elf in tears. It was time for PLAN B.