{Blegh. Sorry for the delay. I got super sick this past week and didn't feel much like writing. Anyway, we've reached lucky Seven! And this is the beginning of the changes. And thanks for the reviews on the last chapter! Some of them were so wonderful and thorough I wanted to shower you with love. Unfortunately I am only able to please through words, so hopefully this chapter pleases. At least it might make the shippers excited. :3}
Booth sat leaning back in his seat, his feet propped up on his desk. The curled phone cord was stretched to his ear where he loosely held a receiver, listening with rapt attention for the other end to be picked up. He fidgeted with a pen in his hand, his gaze tracking the other agents that milled passed his doorway from time to time. It was busy in the office today. They were dealing with another investigation, and while it was fairly important, it did not warrant his attention. Often, he was glad his exclusive association with Bones meant he got to investigate his own cases and be excused from some others.
"Hello?" On the other end, a female voice picked up.
Finally. It was only the third time he'd tried, after all. "Yes, hello. Is this Miss Rosie White?"
"Who may I tell her is calling?"
He was prepared for this. They'd learned a bit about Landon's older sister in their brief search for her records. Apparently she had recently changed her number to avoid some ex-fiancé against whom she took out a restraining order. "This is Special Agent Seely Booth. I'm from the FBI. I have some information regarding her brother, Landon White."
"This is her," she said quickly, immediately. "Is everything okay? What's happened to Landon?"
And so Booth had to explain to the woman, about his own age, that her brother had been found dead. The words were phrased more delicately, of course, but their impact was the same. No matter how artfully or respectfully the news came, it always meant the same thing in the end: 'your loved one is dead.' This time, there was more to tell, particularly that her brother had murdered someone else, but he chose to leave this out for now.
Through her gasp, her tears, and her resulting, profound silence, he could hear in the background the sound of a baby fussing. For some reason he couldn't identify, it made him uncomfortable. "Miss White, when you're able, I'd like to ask you a couple questions."
"Ask them then," she said shakily. "But first can you tell me if Jaynie knows?"
He sat up, dropping his feet back to the floor and leaning over on his desk. "Jaynie Lichter, his business partner? No, we hadn't notified her yet. You are his first of kin."
"Y-yes, of course. It's just that they were so close. I thought maybe…" but she didn't seem to have the emotional willpower to finish her thought. There was another silence. Then, a tired, "Your questions?"
"Right. Well Jaynie told us that Landon was going out to visit you last month, when your ba-aby was born," embarrassingly, he stumbled over the word, feeling it catch in his throat. An image of infant Parker flickered through his mind, followed by the unclear image of another baby- a baby who had her mother's very familiar eyes. He swallowed quickly.
"Lucy. Yes… Landon was supposed to come see her…" The way she spoke, suddenly wary, suddenly different. His intuition flared at the vague scent of a secret.
"Yet you didn't call to find out why he didn't ever show up?"
"Well…" There was a heavy sigh. "Agent Booth, was it?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"I'd like to talk to you in person. It might be hard for you to understand over the phone. If you could see her, maybe, it would be easier. But since I can't… please, try not to judge my brother too harshly."
Booth asked her to wait just a moment. He set down his receiver and went to his office door, pulling it closed. This was no time to be distracted. On his desk, his cellphone vibrated once, alerting him to a new text message. Probably it was Bones, asking him to come back to the lab so she could show him some new development in the case. Cam would send it in an email in a few minutes anyway, but his partner always liked to show him first herself.
He ignored the text and sat back down. "Okay, Miss White. Tell me about your brother."
"I don't know if you've spoken to Jaynie, if you know that they were close, but I can tell you there was certainly more going on there than just business partners. I'm not sure what exactly their relationship was, but my brother never dated anyone else after he and Jaynie started their shop. He always said it wasn't because of her, but just because they were so busy he didn't have time… but I know my brother and that just isn't true. Anyway, about ten and a half months ago he flew out here for a visit. He was pretty upset, very out of sorts. I know it was about Jaynie, although he wouldn't tell me what specifically. Poor guy. He was kind of crazy, kept saying there was an old fling he wanted to see here. I guess he found a girl from his graduating class…someone he used to date…"
"Miss White, that baby, Lucy – she's not yours, is she?" He asked, though he already knew the answer. This was a very interesting turn indeed.
"No," she sighed. "I haven't been with anyone since I broke up with my fiancé over a year ago. The girl, Carrie, showed up here with Lucy. She was crying, not right in the head, said she didn't want her. She said if I didn't take her, give her to Landon, she was going to drop her in the river. What was I supposed to do?"
"Did Landon know about his daughter?"
Her voice got small. "Yes. I told him. I guess that's why he told Jaynie he was coming here to see my baby. He told me he was flying out, but he didn't want to see the baby at all until he found her. Carrie. I thought when he never showed up that he was still looking… or else he'd given up and gone home. I don't think he really wanted Lucy either, or wanted Jaynie to find out about her."
"Did this Carrie-girl have a father or brother who would have wanted to harm your brother?"
It sounded like air she'd been holding rushed out all at once. "Yes. Her father. When he found out Landon had gotten her pregnant, he called me spouting all kinds of threats. He asked where Landon was and I told him-," she gasped sharply. Her voice hitched in pain. "I told him he'd gone back to DC! Oh, Landon!"
Booth could hear her breathing quicken and knew she was probably about to dissolve into hysterics. He spoke quickly. "Listen to me, Miss White. You did not get your brother killed, okay? This is not your fault. You got that? This is not your fault. You've got to hang on and be strong for a little while until we get this sorted out, okay? You just hang on to that baby. Take care of her, and we'll take care of the rest. Now, can you tell me Carrie's last name? And also of the her father's name?"
"Gunnel. Carrie Gunnel. Her father is Mike Gunnel."
He scribbled the names down. "Thank you. And let me say, Miss White, how truly sorry I am for your loss."
She hesitated a long moment before speaking. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do with Lucy now. I'm not ready to be a mother, Agent Booth. I was hoping Landon would come around once he saw her…she looks exactly like him…"
Booth didn't know what to tell her. He felt awkward. Parker was the only baby he'd ever had any experience with, and he was the boy's father. The bond he felt with his son was instant and powerful. Rosie White, however, was just an aunt to this infant. She didn't necessarily feel that connection.
"There are options," he said carefully. "Adoption, for one."
"No," she said suddenly. "She is all I have left of my brother."
Well then he didn't know what to say. So instead he decided to end the conversation. "I have to go now, Miss White. I will call you when we know more."
Hanging up, he stared at the piece of paper in his hand containing the two names. His eyes narrowed on the second one. Had Carrie's father, in a fit of rage over Landon abandoning his pregnant daughter, flown to DC and shot Landon shortly after the coffee shop owner beat Lloyd to death?
That didn't seem likely, but he'd seen stranger things. But then there was that business about being dragged… why would Mike Gunnel drag Lloyd off too?
His phone buzzed again. This time a call. "Talk to me Cam," he said quickly.
"Dr. Brennan wants to know why you aren't here yet. She sent you that text asking you to come over. She's being her persistent (dare I say annoying?) self about it."
Booth chuckled. "Look, Cam, I'm kind of in the middle of something. Why don't you just tell me whatever it is and I'll let her explain the squinty stuff later, okay?"
"Okay. Hodgins found a folded piece of paper in the victim's clothing. It seems to be some kind of note. Angela is trying to recover the writing now."
He sighed. "Fascinating. That's it? That's what she could't wait to show me?"
"No. Not just that, but also Dr. Brennan and Wendell also found a small nick in one of the ribs. It seems our second victim was stabbed. They are still convinced, however, that the gun shot wound was the ultimate cause of death."
"Probably stabbed Lloyd Ellman during their fight," replied Booth.
"We don't know that yet. We don't have either murder weapon so it will be hard to tell." Cam's voice was careful. Then she paused a moment. He could hear the small, patient smile in her next words. "Dr. Brennan is going to be frustrated with me for updating you first. She wanted you to come down to the lab to see for yourself."
An image of his partner's disapproving frown flashed in his mind and caused him to grin. Yes, she'd probably give Cam one of her hell-freezing looks, but other than that he couldn't imagine she'd retaliate much. "Just tell Bones that I'll be by in a little while to pick her up. That should keep the peace for now."
He snapped the phone shut and glanced again at the paper. It wasn't very likely, but at least it was some kind of lead.
___
A few hours later, he finally returned to the lab to pick up his partner. When he arrived, he was practically accosted by Angela. He was just fishing out his access card to the forensic platform when she spied him and hurried down the steps, her fingers closing around his jacket and jerking him away. Her own unauthorized exit caused the alarms to blare unnecessarily.
"Whoa, geeze, Angela, where's the fire?" he asked, recovering his footing.
She stared at him expectantly. "What did you learn from that guy's sister?"
"What?"
"I finished restoring the note, Booth. It says a lot of stuff in there. What did you learn from his sister?"
He glanced at the security guard swiping his card to make the alarm stop. Cam and Wendell, on the platform, shook their heads and returned to the remains. "Why does it matter?"
"Because if his sister didn't tell you, this note is going to explode your mind." Her eyes grew wide, serious, but they had the tiny glint in them that females often got when they had a particularly juicy bit of information.
He lowered his voice. "Okay, have you shown the note to anyone yet?"
She grinned. He knew. "No, not yet. It only just finished, and I didn't want to show any of them until you got back. So it's true then? What he says about the baby?"
"Show me the note." He didn't know how much she knew, or how much to say, until he saw it. Maybe Landon would talk about any threats he'd received from Carrie Gunnel's father.
Angela spun on her heel and zoomed off towards her office. Booth followed. As he went, he wondered idly why Brennan was not on the platform with Cam and Wendell. Probably in her office, he assumed, analyzing some piece of evidence or perhaps working on her latest book. He wished she'd hurry it up already. It was slow torture, wondering what in the book was so secret she'd quickly snap down her laptop screen every time he walked into the room. He remembered a couple days ago in her apartment- his forfeited opportunity to take a sneak peek. Maybe he should rethink things before missing that chance again.
Angela worked quickly. All her screens displayed case information; an analysis of particulates, a working record of the injuries to the bones, toxins found in their blood. None of it was the note. She'd hid it from view, apparently, and had to access it with a password. She really didn't want anyone seeing this note yet.
Booth scanned it quickly, not really reading all of it but merely checking for information regarding Landon's daughter. Once he had it, he folded his arms over his chest, widened his stance, and nodded. "Okay. I think you need to show the others. This explains a lot. It will convince them they can stop looking for clues in Lloyd Ellman's remains."
"Not likely. But it still doesn't give us the name of the guy who shot Landon," she observed. Her gaze slid over to him. "So it's true? The stuff about his sister and his baby?"
"Yeah, it's true."
"That's so sad." Angela sighed, looking over the note again. "Alright, I'll go get the others."
It took less than five minutes to assemble them. Brennan stood next to Booth but did not greet him. She seemed irked, and he instinctively knew to not address her at the moment. She was annoyed at him, and addressing her might cause a dangerous tangent from their purpose here. "Angela recovered the note. We think you should read it," he explained to Cam, Hodgins, and Wendell.
Angela pulled up the image on her screen again. The letters were poorly written. They writhed on the page like little strikes of ink, penned by a trembling hand. There was a good amount of grime on the paper, presumably from the decomposing organs and flesh. There were also two fingerprints of blood where the paper was gripped. They didn't bother to run them; they'd turn out to be Landon's anyway.
Dear Jaynie, it read.
I don't know how you'll get this letter, or if you ever will. I only hope that the person who finds my body will give it to you. I know I'm going to die now. I can't stop it. I wont torment you with the details. I only wish I could see you one last time, and tell you everything in person.
Tonight, I found your cousin in the basement of the shop. He'd broken in and was planning to wait all night so that when you opened in the morning, he could kill you. I went by the shop to get my lisence – remember I left it there? We've both always known how forgetful I can be sometimes. I stopped Lloyd, but I didn't mean to kill him. It just happened. I got angry. He was going to kill you. For money! For meaningless paper! You're worth so much more than all the money in the world –it wasn't right. I couldn't let him do that. He had a knife…
I'm losing blood fast. I'll be too weak to write soon. Already I cannot stand. I've brought Lloyd behind the dumpster and tried to clean up. I only hope you're not the one to find us in the morning. Please tell whoever it is that I'm sorry.
Jaynie, I need to tell you something. Remember when I went to visit my sister last year. About eleven months ago? It was really sudden. It was after you told me your feelings. I was more upset than I wanted you to see. I went to Colorado… in my blind heartache I made a mistake. I got drunk, and there was this girl… I'm so sorry…
Jaynie, Rosie's baby is not really hers. She's mine. The baby's mother left her with my sister. I didn't even know I got her pregnant. Rosie wants me to take the baby. My daughter. I didn't know what to do… I guess I wont have to know anymore. It doesn't matter now. I thought you should know. I didn't like being dishonest with you. I was going to Colorado to find the girl, but I always intended to come back to you. Always to you.
I can't see very well anymore. I feel light-headed. It can't be long now. I'm sorry for killing your cousin, because he is your family, but I am not sorry that you will live now because of it. I wont ask anything of you, Jaynie. I want you to live a free and happy life. My sister will take care of my daughter. I'd like for you to visit her one day, when it seems appropriate, and only if you wish to. Tell her the good things about me, about the kind of man you think I was.
I still meant what I said last year. I love you. I don't mean in the way you wish I meant. I am in love with you, wholly, completely. My heart has always been yours, and my only regret is that you didn't feel the same way. Still, this seems like a pretty fitting last act to me. You will live, and that makes the sacrifice worth it. I'll love you forever and ever, my darling girl.
Love, Landon
There was a heavy silence in the room after Angela was done reading it aloud. A poignant, suffocating silence. Everyone stared at the letter, as if staring long enough could somehow make the lover in the letter rise up again and take his daughter and his friend and make a family.
Nobody wanted to break the stillness.
"I guess we know what happened with that knife mark," murmured Wendell, loosening the mood a little.
Cam glanced at the others. "I wonder how she'll take this letter. That's a lot of pressure… to have someone's love laced into his final act to keep you alive."
Booth turned to his partner. He kept his voice low, solemn. "Bones, we've got to take this to Jaynie Lichter."
Her gaze met his, an unexpected vulnerability betrayed in those clear eyes. "I-I've got to stay," she said uncertainly. "Some time after the victim wrote this letter, someone came back and shot him. It is unlikely he would have died from the knife wound alone, at least not for some time. He might not have bled to death for a while. The wound, while certainly serious, appeared superficial. He might have survived, Booth. Someone shot him, sealed his fate, murdered him. We have to find who did that."
"You will," he said gently. "But right now, we have an equal obligation to this man to deliver this note."
"He died protecting her," whispered Angela. "That is beautiful."
"He was stupid," said Brennan with surprising force, her vulnerability vanishing immediately. "She didn't ask him to protect her, and he certainly didn't have to get himself killed for her. He could have overpowered the first victim and then restrained him until the cops arrived. It was stupid of him to try to be the hero."
They all looked at her with shocked expressions. She bristled defensively at their stares and was about to retort when Angela shushed her. "Sweetie, this is when you're wrong. It's not about being asked, or about being stupid. It's about loving someone so much you can't stand the thought of losing them, or letting any harm come to them."
"When a man is protecting the woman he loves," murmured Booth, "It's easy to lose focus. He can get carried away; he'll do everything he can to ensure the threat to her is completely obliterated, even at the cost of his own life."
She looked at him helplessly. "That's completely illogical," she tried.
"Love isn't about logic, Dr. Brennan." It was Hodgins who spoke this time. He glanced at Angela, who wasn't meeting anyone's gaze. "There is very little logic about it, in fact."
"Well then it has no place in this lab," snapped the anthropologist. Something about this situation was making her feel uncomfortable, which in turn made soured her temper. She crossed her arms over her chest and shot Booth an impatient look. "Didn't you say we needed to go?"
He sighed and motioned for her to leave the office. She exited quickly, her gait clipped.
"What is your problem?" he demanded once they were out of earshot.
"What do you mean?" There was a definite edge to her voice. "You're the one that wanted to go tell Jaynie Lichter about her business partner now instead of later."
She was walking extremely fast. He had to quicken his pace to keep up with her. "That's not what I'm talking about, Bones. I mean back there. Why did you get all snappy on Hodgins like that?"
"Because!" she cried, as if the answer were obvious. "He is a pure scientist. Vague, indefinable ideas such as love do not concern us. He should know better." She spat the word out as if it were a medicine she did not want to take.
He grabbed her arm and gently pulled her to a stop. "He's a human being, okay? A person. Maybe you need reminding, but you are too. Love concerns all of us. It's in our nature. He knows that, he's felt it. Haven't you?"
"Attachment is in our nature," she corrected angrily. "Love is nothing more than a flood of chemicals to our brains telling us to feel euphoric affection. It's an evolutionary trait, to form bonds of attachment so we can reproduce and raise healthy young and further our species."
"No, you're wrong on this one." He was growing irritated. "We're not bears, or dogs, or apes or any of that Darwin stuff. This isn't about biology or evolution, okay? It's about the heart, about feelings."
"Feelings are subjective, Booth, and can be manipulated. Feelings change, they can be faked, and they never last. In fact, our brains can trick us into thinking we feel something that we actually don't. To act on that faked feeling would be pure stupidity, don't you agree?"
It was as if she'd struck him. He let go of her arm, a look of pained shock on his face. How could she know? Had he been that obvious? Had he missed all the signs? She knew, and all this time she'd been silently trying to tell him she didn't feel the same way. Just like Sweets, she thought his feelings were a lasting illusion from his operation.
Cruelly, his mind recalled the evening with Parker. The way she laughed with him while washing his hair, the way she spoke to him, the way Pops adored her. And he remembered seeing her with her shirt hanging open, casual, endearing. He remembered the coma dream, the complete happiness of that marriage, and of the idea of their own baby on the way. Now the memories left a bitter taste in his mouth.
She'd given him an odd look at his stricken expression, but resumed walking. He followed, but slower, no longer glad he was working this case. Maybe Cam was right. Maybe he should have run and let Perota take over. It was obvious now why this case hit too close to home. He would give his life for her, but she did not reciprocate.
___
They rode in stony silence.
Of course, Brennan did not exactly know her reasons for being so angry with him, nor why he seemed to shut down after their argument in the lab. She only knew that for a moment, after reading that letter, wild fear streaked through her veins and she didn't want to face it. Instead, she grew defensive. With instincts she did not know she possessed, she understood subconsciously that a very real hurt lurked between the layers of this case. It was only a matter of time until the pain of it struck her. Her response, then, was to try to disown her mind from her feelings. Logic over emotion. She believed it…right?
This time the Corner Coffee was open, and surprisingly busy. Two baristas (neither of whom were the girl who discovered the bodies) worked the counter in an organized frenzy. Jaynie was there too, keeping things flowing at a steady rate. She looked happy. Instead of a pink bow, she had a slightly larger purple one pinned in her blond hair. She laughed easily and dazzled the customers with her natural likeability.
She didn't seem too perturbed anymore that her cousin was dead, and she certainly couldn't know that her close friend was the reason.
Since the bell overhead tinkled, heralding their arrival, Jaynie had known they were there from the moment they walked in. She continued serving customers until there was a slight lag, and then directed the girls to take over.
"Agent Booth! Dr. Brennan. This is a surprise. What can I help you two with this afternoon? Have you come for a warm cup of coffee?" she asked, brushing her hands off on her apron.
"No. We need to talk to you in private," said Brennan quickly.
Jaynie was surprised, glancing quickly at Booth for verification, but he seemed distracted by something. "Okay," she told Brennan. "We can go to the basement. That's where Landon and I keep the supplies – the girls aren't allowed down there. We wont be interrupted."
She spun around and walked back toward the counter.
"Did you remember to get a copy of the note from Angela?" Brennan hissed to Booth as they navigated the busy store.
Booth pulled from his pocket a folded piece of paper. He'd printed it when Angela went to go get the others.
The moment she made a grab for it, he stuffed it back in his pocket. He still hadn't spoken a word since the lab. It made her all the more irritated. They bickered all the time – this very discussion of reason over feelings had come up so many times she couldn't keep track of the number. Why should he be so bent out of shape over this one tiny, brief argument?
Jaynie took them behind the counter and down the steps to the basement. It smelled like earth and coffee. It was obvious why, since there was no floor to speak of except dirt. The walls were brick, making it feel more like a cellar. The air was cool, comfortable.
This was where Landon had found Lloyd and killed him. It wouldn't be hard to hide the blood if he just spread the dirt a little. It was a grim thought.
Once there, Jaynie spun around and faced them. She gave them a little smile. "So? What's the big secret?"
"You seem to have recovered from the shock of finding out your cousin was killed," remarked Booth.
The girl didn't seem to like this comment. She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. "Is it the FBI's job to tell me how I grieve now? Do I regret Lloyd died? Sure, but as far as I'm concerned he was basically a stranger. There was never any love lost between us. I regret it, but I'm not about to crumple up in fetal position and cry my eyes out for days."
"I'm sorry, Miss Lichter," sighed the agent. "I didn't mean to question your mourning. It's just… well we have some other bad news."
Her mouth fell slightly slack and she looked at Brennan for some kind of explanation. "Sheesh, you're going to condition me to hate the sight of you. Do you ever bring people good news?"
"That's not really the nature of our work." Brennan felt as if she should apologize, though she knew she'd done nothing wrong.
"No kidding," muttered Jaynie. She sat down on a stack of coffee sacks. "So your bad news? Is it Patrick now too? Open season on my drug-soaked cousins?"
Even when she was being a little snippy, there was something kind of endearing in her irritation. It was easy to see how Landon, or any other man, could quickly fall in love with a girl like her.
"Can I ask you a couple questions about your business partner?" asked Booth.
Her shocking blue eyes narrowed. "You're not seriously thinking he's the murderer, right? I told you already, Landon could not kill Lloyd."
For the first time since back at the lab, Brennan and Booth glanced at one another. Booth immediately looked away again, a dull ache throbbing to life again. He withdrew the note.
"There's something you should read," said Brennan as her partner offered the letter. "We've identified the second victim…"
Jaynie froze, the bitter smirk fading from her face. She looked with dread at the paper in Booth's hand. Whatever it contained, she knew she did not want to read it. Still, without her approval, her fingers closed around the note and pulled it into her.
"Who is it?" she whispered.
"The note will explain everything," said Booth.
She pulled it open and began to read. Brennan, meanwhile glanced sideways at Booth. This felt wrong. They were about to destroy this girl's day, and much, much more. She would not be the same Jaynie after reading that letter. Her entire world was about to shift.
It didn't take long. Neither of them were sure exactly how many minutes passed, but it didn't seem enough. How long should it take to pulverize a heart? While she read the letter, Jaynie's hand flew to her mouth and tears sprung to her eyes. She began to shake from head to toe, and after she'd read it a second time, it fluttered from her hand to the ground.
She swayed dangerously on the sacks and both Booth and Brennan lurched forward to stop her from falling. She latched on to Brennan's hands, beginning to cry in earnest now.
Brennan felt helpless. She moved to sit next to her, not sure how to soothe the pain Jaynie had to be experiencing. It seemed a warm human touch was what she needed, because the coffee-house girl turned to Brennan and lay her head against her shoulder, whispering Landon's name while shuddering sobs took her.
Despite how wounded by her comment he'd been earlier, Booth found he could not look away from his partner now. She had wrapped her arm around Jaynie and was comforting her in a way he'd never seen. Her expression was anxious and concerned. She didn't look like the defiant scientist who didn't believe in love. Right now, she looked like a woman wishing she could stop the breaking of a human heart.
"I lied to him," Jaynie groaned through her tears. "Why did I lie?"
"Lied to Landon?" Brennan asked quietly.
Jaynie sat up, wiping at her face. She wasn't recovered, but it seemed she wanted to pull herself together. It was a noble, but feeble endeavor. "Yes. Last year… it was the reason he went to visit his sister. It was the reason he now has a daughter."
"He told you he loved you," Booth heard himself say. "But you rejected him."
"Yes." Her voice was small. "He asked me if I loved him too. If I even felt anything at all. I lied. I said no."
Booth couldn't help it. He looked at Brennan, to see her reaction. His partner was watching her intently, hungrily. "Why?" she asked.
"Because I was afraid." Jaynie hid her face in her hands, whether from shame or grief they didn't know. "I didn't want him to love me. I didn't want to love him. I didn't want to want a relationship! That would complicate things. We had such a close friendship. Relationships don't work out, they never work out. They can't last. When ours fell apart, I was sure our business and our friendship would too. My parents, my parents got divorced when I was nine. I never learned how to maintain a successful relationship from them. It's my curse as a child of divorce that my relationships will never work out. I couldn't do that to us. I couldn't let his confession ruin everything we had. I was so afraid. I had to hide the truth from him. But I loved him, I did." She dissolved into tears again, her shoulders racked with the force of her grief.
Brennan's heart began beating quickly, made anxious by the things Jaynie said. The words landed with significant weight for the forensic anthropologist. She didn't want to think about them, didn't want to think about their meaning, but that was impossible. The idea of the roles being reversed, of her being in Jaynie's place and losing her partner, it made her want to rush into Booth's familiar embrace and shut out all the horror she felt at such a thing. It was the worst situation come true.
"He loved you," Booth assured Jaynie quietly. "However hurt he was by your rejection, he never stopped loving you."
"I wish I would have told him," she replied. "I'll always regret that lie now."
Brennan hesitated to speak, since she knew the words she wanted to say probably wouldn't sound very sensitive. "It may not have made a difference. He may still have given his life to save you from your cousin. And then you would still be in this position today."
"But at least we could have been blissfully happy for a little while." She didn't seem upset or offended by Brennan's honesty. It was probably true anyway. "He was everything I ever wanted."
"Do you know of anyone who would want him killed?" Booth asked. She probably wasn't up for questioning, but he wanted to escape, and he couldn't do that until he'd gotten the information he wanted. "Did you ever get any threatening calls here at the shop about Landon?"
"I thought Lloyd killed him," she said darkly, indicating the letter that was on the ground. "Stabbed him. What do threatening calls have to do with anything?"
"He may have survived that," Brennan explained gently. "Someone ultimately shot him. That person is still at large."
Jaynie stifled a responding groan and buried her face in her hands again. "Yes," she replied in a trembling soprano voice. "He got threatening calls from a number in Colorado. The guy wouldn't tell me his name or why he needed to talk to Landon, but he kept threatening to harm him. I told Landon, but he told me not to worry."
Booth frowned. He did not really think Mike Gunnel was the likeliest suspect here. Still, when he called the house a woman answered and said he was out of town and had been for quite some time. Maybe he was here. "Miss Lichter, do you have anyone we can call for you? Your father, a friend, maybe?"
"Don't call my father," she said, her head jerking up. "If he finds out Landon killed Lloyd…"
Again, the partners exchanged a glance. Booth slid his hands into his pockets. "Your cousin was going to kill you. Your father wouldn't be grateful to Landon for stopping him?"
"Of course he would, mostly," she replied. "But Lloyd and Patrick are my father's nephews. Family blood means everything to him. Landon wasn't family. He wont understand why Landon had to kill him, why he couldn't just knock him out and call the cops. He'll be angry, furious. I don't want Landon's memory tainted."
Brennan knew Booth would do what he did best with that information, and that they were going to go talk to Mr. Lichter very soon. For now, however, they still had this broken girl to soothe. "We wont call your father, but is there someone else?"
She shuddered. "Actually, I think I'd just like to stay here. This was our shop, basically our home. Down here was where he told me he loved me."
Between the words she said, Booth heard another message. I'd like to be alone now. So he caught his partner's eye and turned slightly, tilting his head to indicate they should go. She understood.
"Miss Licther… Jaynie… please, please call us if you need anything, or can think of anything that might help us catch Landon's murderer." Brennan gave the other girl's hand a quick squeeze.
She looked up through long, wet lashes and nodded. "Thank you," she murmured. She picked up the note again. "Thank you for bringing this to me."
They left the shop significantly subdued. The animosity between them was dissolved, but the feeling that replaced it was not any easier to contain. Each of them struggled with their burdensome new knowledge- the reminder that life was fleeting, and that regret was worse than fear.
___
They went to the diner, since the sun was starting to dip low in the sky and neither of them had eaten much throughout the day. Honestly, neither one really had much of an appetite, but they didn't really know what else to do. Both were uncharacteristically quiet as they sat waiting for their food.
Booth was silently boiling with conflicting emotions. He felt completely unsure of himself, which was not a familiar or pleasant feeling. On the one hand, having seen Jaynie's terrible regret at never admitting her feelings, he wanted to burst out his secret – wanted to tell Bones everything he was trying to hide from her. He didn't want to waste one moment of her not knowing. But on the other hand, the words stuck in his throat and would not rise. They were blocked by the bitter reminder that she didn't want to hear them. She'd made that very clear this afternoon.
"Booth," she said quietly, drawing him out of his unhappy thoughts.
He glanced across the table at her. Her expression was troubled. "Yeah, Bones?"
"Do you think she was right? About it being better to have told him, even if the outcome were the same? I would think that would be worse."
"What do you mean?"
She shifted in her seat, her gaze dropping to her hands. She looked puzzled and uncertain. "I mean wouldn't it hurt more to lose someone when you're both happy and in love, than if you aren't?"
Oh, what he wouldn't give to know what was going on inside that brilliant mind of hers. It took a huge amount of effort to resist reaching out to take her hands. "But that's the thing, Bones, she loved him anyway. Just because she lied and told him she didn't doesn't mean the hurt is any less now. She loved him, so the fact that he is gone still leaves the same huge hole in her heart."
"There isn't really a hole in her heart," Brennan pointed out quietly. "That would be fatal."
"Maybe not physically, but it sure feels like it. Jaynie is right. It would have been better if she had told him the truth all those months ago. They could have at least had a little while being perfectly happy, instead of all this regret."
"But what about her reasoning for lying in the first place?" she persisted, trying to find some reason to continue holding on to her belief system. This case, this girl, they were all shaking her paradigm and it left her feeling confused. She needed to be reassured that what she was doing was right. "Let's posit this scenario: She doesn't lie, she tells him of her affection. They become a couple. Lloyd never comes for her, and Landon doesn't die saving her. What then? Their relationship can't last forever, she said so herself. Eventually, one of them will end up being unfaithful. Or the relationship may become stale and one or both of them will want out. She had very good reasons for not wanting to enter into that kind of relationship. They had too much at stake."
Booth had the impression that by the end of her theory, they weren't talking only about Jaynie's situation anymore. "Not all relationships have to fail, Bones. What if we took your scenario and instead of saying they wanted out, we pose the theory that they were really happy together. Sure, they argue or have rough patches, as all couples do, but they are able to work through them. Let's take this couple and project them ten, twenty, thirty years into the future. Now they've grown old together – shared a lifetime of happiness. Doesn't that seem worth a little risk that you might get hurt?"
Here, Brennan had to pause in her thoughts. A peculiar sensation swept through her. It was a similar feeling to the one she often got when she stumbled across uncharted scientific or anthropological territories. The scenario he offered was one she had no way of comprehending. Nothing in her experiences had ever taught her about a life-long relationship. Everything was fleeting, temporary. Only the past remained the same. What he proposed was contemplating a future she could not imagine.
And yet, somewhere inside she felt warmth at the idea. A couple who stayed together. Never a proponent for monogamy, it was odd and strangely pleasant to think of being with one person into old age.
And of course, there was the feeling that she already knew all this. Maybe not about growing old, she honestly hadn't considered that before, but the part about risks. Her fingers had typed the very words, her voice had given them life in that quiet hospital room. Loving someone was a risk. She already knew that. Sometimes, loving someone was worth the risk. She knew that too, or suspected it anyway.
"I admit that while statistically improbable, I like your scenario better," she admitted with a sigh.
"People can be together forever, Bones. So your statistics can take a hike." He grabbed his drink and sipped, to stifle the urge to bring up the earlier conversation about feelings being all in the head. She seemed to be changing her tune a bit right now. Asking these questions… it almost made it sounds like she was a real human who felt emotions too, instead of some logic-governed Vulcan. But of course, that was blasphemy.
"Not forever," she corrected automatically, a very small grin twitching at the corner of her lovely mouth.
{I debated whether or not to end it here, but I want you hanging around for the next few chapters so I might as well not give too much away yet. You can certainly guess where this is all going, I imagine. ;) It might not be so smooth sailing though. And we're certainly not done with miss Jaynie, who I am coming to love more than I ever anticipated. Anyways, your reviews give me the fuel I need, so please let me know what you think.
PS- We are one month into the winter hiatus! Halfway done! 8D}