A/N:I want to again thank everyone for your support and encouragement while writing this. It's been more cathartic than I would have imagined possible, and hopefully it's helping someone else out there. Also, thanks to those of you who have reviewed. Your reviews are amazingly helpful, and very appreciated! As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved. As a side note, this is probably closer to an M rating, so be warned.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?
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Present, Alex and Olivia
"You know what bothers me the most, Alex?" I mused, slowly getting to my feet and walking down the park's path. "And it happens with every single case, not just this one."
"What?" Alex asked, also getting to her feet.
"I don't want to state the obvious or anything," I continued with a frown, "but the design of the American justice system sucks. We ask a victim to tell his or her story multiple times, to the police, a lawyer, a grand jury, a judge, a trial jury. I mean, what the hell is wrong with us? We victimize the victim over and over again."
Alex knowingly shrugged. "Our society is built on the principles of justice and equality for all, and that requires fact-finding and being judged by a jury of one's peers."
"So the perp deserves justice and equality as well?" I angrily asked, trying my hardest to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"The perp deserves the chance to prove his or her innocence."
"Bullshit," I muttered under my breath.
"You may not like it, Liv," Alex softly told me, "but if you were accused of a crime and were actually innocent, wouldn't you want the chance to prove your innocence?"
"I guess," I kicked a stone in frustration. "But we still shouldn't force a victim to tell the story over and over again. That's just cruel."
Alex had nothing to say to that, because she knew that I was right.
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Lakewood High School, forty-five hours prior
Julia anxiously held Hoot in her hands, its brown beanie baby fur becoming slick with her nervous sweat. "I should have done more," she repeated to the detectives and the school psychologist. "But I was scared, and in shock," she whispered. "Nobody understands that."
"People don't behave how they normally would when they're under stress," Elliot pointed out, scrawling something down in his notebook. "So I think it's safe to say that we understand what you're saying."
Julia hesitantly shook her head no; they would be furious with her for her inaction, and would blame her for everything. Except… except she had said 'no' three or four times, and the two students had forcibly kept her from leaving the bus seat.
Olivia rested her elbows on her knees, gazing at the young girl with a mixture of empathy and concern etched on her face. "Can you tell us about the bus?" she gently coaxed.
"I guess so," Julia swallowed, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I'm uncomfortable and scared," she shifted in her seat.
"It'll be okay," Olivia gave her a small smile. "No one in this room will hurt or judge you."
"Okay," Julia squashed Hoot between her hands, fidgeting with its wings. "Just… okay," she sighed.
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Lakewood High School, Wednesday after school
Julia still felt embarrassed, confused, and a little bit drained from Mark's repeated attempts to get her to give him a blow job. Her mind wasn't processing information as quickly as normal, and she actually felt a little bit disorientated and uncomfortable. She knew that her discomfort stemmed from her lack of experience with flirting and sex, but that knowledge didn't make her feel any better. Julia just wanted to go home; home was safe, and Mark was not. It was as simple as that.
Frowning as Mark's friend returned just in time to catch the bus, she hesitantly climbed the stairs, nodding hello to the bus driver. Sighing as she took note of the absolute emptiness of the bus, she did the same thing that she did every other day of the week: she meandered down the aisle to her regular seat, which was located in the second to last row of the bus.
This is a bad idea, she told herself, realizing too late that she should have just sat down behind the bus driver. But old habits were hard to break, especially when the individual was in a state of minor shock.
Staring out the window, her mind and body both unnerved and jittery from the previous hour's conversation, Julia started when she felt someone sit down beside her. And then she started again when she heard someone sit down in the seat behind her and her new seatmate.
"Hey," Mark smiled, resting his hand on the back of the seat, his body turned to face her.
"Hey," Julia blinked, shifting closer to the window. "There are plenty of seats on the bus, you know," she half joked. "Why don't you go find one?"
"Nah, I'm good here," he grinned, moving his hand so that it now rested on her knee. "So about our earlier conversation—"
"The answer is still no," Julia slapped his hand away. "Excuse me," she added, trying to scoot by the varsity football player.
"Where do you think you're going?" Mark chuckled, easily blocking her escape with both his arm and his entire body. He was stronger than she was, he was bigger than she was, and it was quickly becoming clear to Julia that he was in control of the situation, not her. And if that weren't bad enough, Mark's friend was peering at them over the top of the seat, basically making sure that she had no where to run off to.
Julia again tried to move past him, her face paling when he actually pushed her body back into the seat. This isn't right, she inwardly told herself. You don't want him to do this, and this isn't right. Why won't he just stop?
"Just relax," Mark told her, once again resting his hand on her knee, slowly moving it back and forth. "Haven't you ever done this before? It'll feel better if you just relax. You might even enjoy it."
Julia remained quiet, her face deathly white. Her brain had completely stopped processing information all together, and she found herself feeling shocked, confused, and even more disoriented than she had been before.
"Well lucky for you, I've moved beyond the blow job," Mark continued with a whisper, cupping her between her legs before slipping his hand up to the waistband of her jeans.
This isn't happening, Julia's gaze remained riveted to his hand, her body barely able to inhale and exhale.
"Just relax," Mark instructed her, slipping his fingers inside her pants, and then down further.
"No," Julia somehow managed to whisper. "I don't want this," she braced herself against the window of the bus, jumping when she felt his hand move beneath her underwear and then against her.
"Sure you do," Mark grinned. "Why wouldn't you?" he asked, his fingers slipping into her. "And you'll like it. Don't you like it?"
She didn't. Julia helplessly stared out the window of the bus, trying to figure out why they were heading toward the middle school and not toward home; the middle school was in the completely opposite direction from home, and she knew that the trip would add an extra twenty minutes to their journey. There was no reason to stop at the middle school, and yet they were.
"Don't you like it?" Mark repeated his question, shifting in his seat to get a better angle.
Julia remained quiet, barely making note of the fact that her drama club teacher was sitting at a stoplight just beside them, trying to get her attention. Her face red with mortification, Julia nodded her acknowledgment of the teacher's presence, inwardly yelling at herself to just tell the teacher what was going on. But again, she was embarrassed, not thinking clearly, and just… out of it. Really, really, out of it.
The longer that she was trapped on the bus, the more she found her mind drifting. It didn't take long for Julia's mind to slip into an entirely different "location," blissfully taking away the majority of pain and rage that she was forced to endure.
Mark, for his part, continued to do his own thing, his fingers repeatedly violating her for the remainder of the thirty minute bus ride home. The only thing that he said to her was said just before he got off of the bus. With a smirk and a lewd gesture, he laughed. "Next time, let's have sex."
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Lakewood High School, forty-four hours prior (school psychologist's office)
"I didn't scream," Julia whispered to Olivia, Elliot, and the school psychologist, staring down at Hoot. "Do you know how easy it would have been just to say something to the bus driver? But I didn't. I don't know why speaking up never even crossed my mind, but it didn't. It makes no sense," she finally lifted her gaze to Olivia's, tears brimming in her eyes. "This is all my fault, because I could have stopped it."
"It wasn't your fault," Olivia murmured, desperately wanting to put a supportive hand on the young girl's arm, but recognizing the fact that she probably wouldn't have appreciated the gesture. "You said no, Julia, and you tried to move away from him on the bus. You did plenty to make your wishes known"
"But I sat in the back of the bus," she continued, the tears now streaming down her cheeks. "Why did I sit in the back?" she asked. "I should have stayed in the front."
Olivia pulled her chair even closer to the couch, tilting her head so that Julia was forced to look at her. "You were in shock, honey. When we're in shock, our brains shut down to protect us from what's going on around us. You said that your mind went on a trip during the bus ride, right?" She waited for Julia to nod yes. "Well that's because it was trying to protect you. You still didn't do anything wrong," Olivia softly repeated. "Trust me, you didn't do anything wrong."
"So what happens now?" Julia nervously swallowed, her fingers fidgeting with Hoot's tag.
Olivia and Elliot exchanged a look with Mrs. Simon. Although she wanted to tell the student that things would get easier now that she had told the majority of her story, that wasn't exactly the truth. "Well," the detective cleared her throat. "On our end of things, we're going to type up the report, and have you come in to sign it."
"Downtown?" Julia whispered.
"I'm afraid so," Olivia shot her a small smile. "And then my friend Alex will need to talk to you. Alex is a lawyer in the district attorney's office, and she'll be handling your case."
"Okay," Julia nodded her understanding, wiping away a few of her tears. "So… what does that mean?"
"A lot, unfortunately," Olivia kindly murmured, knowing that Julia would have to re-explain her story to Alex, then to the grand jury, and then to the trial jurors… and that was in addition to whatever the school's investigation would entail. "But we'll be with you every step of the way. I promise."
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TO BE CONTINUED