Matt and Tori had just arrived at the video arcade, when-

"OMGZ DUDDEEEZ THERE IZ A CONTEST!" some other gamer hollered in the midst of a crowd. "WINNER GETZ BLACK OPS FOR XBOX!"

"…BLACK OPS?" Stripy-shirt squeezed between the bystanders, pushing to the front until he was out of sight.

"Matt!" The abandoned girl sighed.

Just then, a bunch of wannabe-gangsters stalked up to her, attempting to look cool and failing hard. One of them placed his hand on her shoulder. "OMG HEY GURLY."

"…Get off." The nasty hand was shoved off.

"U NO SHOVE ME!" the gangster yelled with extremely bad grammar, covering Tori's mouth.

"Mmmmffff!" She tried to grab her gun, but was dragged away by the rest of the losers.

Coincidentally, Mello was walking past and noticed the girl surrounded by the gang. "…What's going on?"

"WE TAKEZ U 2 A CREEPY ALLEY!" the gang shouted together stupidly, pulling the struggling Tori towards a direction. They probably rehearsed this.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening. "Holy sh- HEY, MATT?"

But the sidekick was nowhere to be seen. He smacked his forehead exasperatedly. "Where the fuck is he when I need him?"

"TOTAL PWNAGE!" Matt came skipping out of the arcade with the Black Ops game in his hand. After spotting the blond-head, he shoved the game into his face, holding up two fingers as the victory sign with a cheesy grin pasted on his face. "Look, Mells! Black Ops!"

"There's no time for that!" Mello twitched irritably and pushed the game out of his face. "Tori is getting fucking kidnapped as we speak."

The gamer was still grinning about his epic win, completely not reacting to the abduction. "Lolwhut? Where?"

"Just follow me." The older prodigy didn't want to waste any more time and sprinted to the alley.

"LOL UR POWERLESS AGENST US!" the what-seems-to-be-the-gang-leader person cackled unpleasantly while Tori continued to struggle to no avail.

IT'S HERO TIME! Dun dun dun DUN DU- Sorry.

Suddenly, a voice cut through the air. "Let her go."

The leader frowned and loosened his grip on the girl slightly and glanced at the direction of the cool voice to see a sexy beast in leather in a badass pose, with a gun aimed directly at his head.

"WHO DA FAWK R YA?" he demanded.

The teenager smirked. "The name's Mello. Although, you didn't need to know that since you'll be dead soon enough."

"ACTLLY I DNT CARE HU U R. GTFO!" The leader tried to maintain his dignity pathetically, and reached his hand into his right pocket. As soon as he pulled out the gun he so cleverly hid there, a bullet impaled his hand, causing Tori to scream.

The gangster let out a hideous roar of pain, dropping his gun onto the ground. "OMGGG MAH HAND!"

The teenage girl used this chance to pull away and whipped out her gun, aiming at the other gang members who were busy talking to each other. "OMG HE SHOT DA LEADAH!"

"Now fuck off." Mello pulled out a chocolate bar, chomping on it coolly.

The gangsters obeyed and began running out of the alley. Tori shot them all in the legs.

"AHHHH!" they shrieked uselessly, falling to the ground.

"OMFG! U FAWKING SHOT MAH HAND!" The leader pointed at Mello accusingly. Took him a while to realize that. "DROP DA GUN, GURL!"

The girl re-directed her gun at the last standing gangster's head. "Make me. Not so weak anymore, am I?"

"I DUNNO HOW THO!"

She pulled the trigger mercilessly. The gun went boom, the blood went sploosh and the leader went bye-bye.

Matt walked into the scene. "Hey, wha- Whoa, bloodshed!"

The chocoholic placed one hand on his hip in a feminine fashion. "Matt, where the hell were you?"

"I was playing James Bond 007: Blood Stone on my DS."

"…"

"I just killed someone…" Tori was breathing heavily. "…But I'm still an innocent angel."

Mello shrugged. "If you say so."

"What? You don't think I'm innocent?"

"I didn't say that?"

"Then what am I?"

Matt jumped up and down on the spot like an excited puppy, raising his hand. "OH, I KNOW! PICK ME!"

"…Um. Go ahead, Matt."

"YOU'RE MELLO'S SECRET LO- …I mean, nothing."

Mello's evil glare of doom always works.

The girl stared. "…Huh?"

"Nothing."

She gave him an odd look before taking out her wallet. "I found money. Let's go the new sweets shop that opened last week!"

"I WANT THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THAT, THIS TOO!" Tori was pointing to every confectionery in the store.

"R-right away!"

Mello was eyeing the mountains of chocolates like a hungry wolf. The red-head, however, was completely bored.

Another male worker gestured to the chocoholic. "What would you like, miss?"

'She' gave him an incredulous glare, burning him with invisible laser beams while slamming his fist down onto the counter. "I'M NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

Tori took a step back. "U-uh... Mello, calm down."

A fangirl managed to distract the fuming teen from killing anyone. "OMGZ I NO UR NAME! UR TOMELLO! TEH NEW HOTTEST COUPLE FO SHO!"

The pair stared at her.

She screamed and giggled. "CAN I PLZ HAS UR AUTOGRAPH?"

"No."

"Wait, what's so special about it, anyways?" Tori asked.

"CAS ITZ FRUM TOMELLO! LOLOLZ PLZ LET ME TAKE A PICTURE WIT U!" The girl glomped Mello's arm.

He shook her off not-so-gently. "No, fuck off!"

Then the fangirl's boyfriend joined the small group. "OMGZ UR TOMELLO!"

"…Yeeeeeshhh..." the 'To' in 'Tomello' responded rather awkwardly.

"OMGZ UR SO DOLL-LIKE! UR SOO CUTE!"

"…Are you sure you're a guy?"

"IF I WUSNT DATING CHIRU, ID SOOO ASK U OUT!" He hugged the startled teenage girl.

And Mello punched him. "Gtfo."

"OMG Y SO PROTECTIVE?" the fanboy complained, then poofed with the fangirl.

Tori stared after them. "...I have fans? SINCE WHEN? How am I doll-like? I FUCKING KILL THINGS!"

"Don't ask me."

"...Jeez."

"Here are you chocolates, miss!" the worker said cheerfully, handing a bag to Mello.

He almost flipped the damn table over. "I SAID, I'M NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

Tori tried to restrain the raging adolescent. "MELLO! NO! Calm down!"

The blond-head didn't listen and grabbed the worker by the neck of his shirt, shaking him violently. "CALL ME A GIRL AGAIN, I DARE YOU!"

"I-I-I thought you were a girl… with your f-f-friend..." he stammered, eyes widening.

"DO I LOOK LIKE FUCKING FEMALE TO YOU?"

"I-I-I-I thought you w-were one..."

"YOU'RE GODDAMN BLIND!"

The terrified male was shoved into the wall, with several cups falling onto the ground and smashing into tiny pieces. He snivelled and scrambled away.

Hearing the clash of falling pottery, another worker rushed into the scene. It was Alex. "Hey, I remember you!"

Tori sighed. "Not again…"

"So, how's it goin'?"

"...F-fine?"

"Swing by often?"

Mello twitched.

"...Uh."

"So you like chocolates? I have tons at my place from Europe if you wanna come by to get 'em." Alex winked suggestively.

Twitch twitch.

"Uh… no thanks…"

"Ya sure? You can come by whenever you want."

"Uh…"

Mello shoved his gun at Alex's head. "STFU!"

"Calm it, girly. Sheesh."

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT I'M NOT A FUCKING GIRL?" He pushed the tip of the gun against Alex's head firmly.

"As many times as you want, girly." The loser turned his attention back to Tori. "I don't say that to lotsa girls, y'know."

"YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, Y-"

"Mello, you should not be using your weapons in public," a deep monotone voice interrupted.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU TH-" The blond gaped, lowering his gun slowly. "...Hello, L."

"Uh… hi L?"

"Hello, Victoria."

"How'd you... How'd you know my full name?"

The well-known detective placed his thumb against his lips. "Mello told me back in chapter four. Do you not remember?"

"Hey L!" Matt flashed a grin.

"Hello, Matt."

"Guess what? MELLO AND TORI ARE A COUPLE NOW!" He was clearly deceived by the pair's prank.

"A couple?"

"…MATT!" Tori scolded.

"L needs to know about these stuff!" The gamer had a genuinely innocent expression on his face. "And yeah, a couple! You know, boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Ah, I see."

"I'M GOING TO SMASH YOU! SMASH YOU TO BITS, YOU ARSEHOLE!" The girl cracked her knuckles in a threatening manner, and then froze when she realized that L was staring at her. "…I mean… Haha?"

The hunched-over man addressed Mello. "I assume that you recall the gesture of friendship from the last time we spoke?"

Leather-pants shifted awkwardly. "…Yes."

Matt butted in. "Gesture of friendship? What's that?"

"It requires one individual to press their lips against another."

"Huh. Sounds like kissing."

Mello suddenly found the ceiling to be extremely fascinating, while Tori uttered an "…Uh oh."

"Is that the official term for the action?" L questioned.

The gamer blinked. "Yeah, of course."

"Ah."

Matt had to suppress a laugh when he thoroughly registered what the detective was saying. "Wait, Mello was talking to you about kissing?"

"Yes."

He was unable to control himself any long, and burst out into laughter. "WHAT THE HELL, MELLS? LOLOLOLOL."

"…Matt, shut up." Mello clenched and relaxed his fist repeatedly, trying to contain his annoyance.

"Yagami-kun appears to not be my friend," L went on. "He responded negatively."

Matt had one hand around his stomach from laughing too hard. "Responded negatively to what?"

"To the action of kissing."

"…Wait, what? WHAT?" The red-head's eyes were rounder than the moon. "L kissed Light Yagami?"

"Yes."

"…Mello, let's walk away," Tori whispered. The said male nodded and began sneaking off.

Matt went into another fit of hysterics, this time rolling on the floor as well as beating it. The other customers stared.

"May I ask what is so hilarious?" Poor L had no idea.

"YOU'RE NOT… SUPPOSED TO… KISS… YOUR FRIENDS," he gasped out between his laughs. "AT LEAST… NOT ON… THE LIPS..."

L just watched one of his potential successors rolling on the floor with a rather blank look in his eyes.

Matt wiped tears from his eyes, finally managing to calm down. "KISSING IS WHAT LOVERS DO! LIKE TORI AND MELLO!"

The detective looked hurt. "I have been deceived."

He brought out his laptop and showed the older male the video of Mello and Tori fighting over a bed.

"Why are the fighting, if they are a couple?"

"No, they're having sex."

Matt had meant it as a joke. Too bad L didn't realize that.

The pair had escaped to seek refuge in their apartment.

"Goddamn it…" Mello was panting heavily, his voice slightly shaky and un-Mello-like. He leaned against the wall, sliding down slowly in despair. "L will choose Near to succeed him now... I won't even have a chance!"

"Why…?"

He was completely frantic. "I tricked him! I lied to him! It was my fault that he made a fool out of himself!"

"...Uh, there was really nothing else you could do?" Tori tried to comfort and reassure him. "I'm sure he would understand…"

Then Matt walked through the door. How did he get here so fast? Oh well.

"MATT, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL L?" the girl exploded.

"I just joked a bit with him." Cheesy grin. "I SAID YOU HAD SEX. LOL."

"WHAT THE FUCK…"

Mello, who had been sulking in the corner, began slamming his head against the wall. "Someone fucking kill me now…"

"Hey, I'm sure he knew it was a joke," he chortled.

"MATT! COME HERE!" she snapped.

"…Why?"

"Just come here."

He smartly ran the hell away. But there was something he forgot. A lot of things, actually.

"Asshole…" Tori muttered. She walked outside with Matt's games along with a lighter. After dumping gas over it, she lit it on fire before re-entering the apartment. "Mello?"

"What…?"

"...Need a hug?"

"Not really…"

"RING RING. SOMEONE'S CALLING!" the house phone yelled. "RING RING RING! HURRY YOUR ASS UP!"

Tori sat down next to Mello and answered the phone. "Uh… Hello?"

It was a distorted voice. "Are you Tori?"

"...No."

"Is it true that you and Mello have had... sexual intercourse?"

"What? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?"

Matt randomly jumped in through the window and snatched the phone. "YES."

The girl stared at the unexpected event. "Wha-"

Then he jumped out of the window.

"MATT!"

The distorted voice was still speaking. "I see…"

"N-"

Disconnected.

"…Fuck."

"TURN ME ON, BABY!" the television commanded silently. Tori flicked it on. "BREAKING NEWS! MELLO AND TORI, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS TOMELLO, HAVE HAD SEX!"

She face-walled while Mello practically died on the floor.

"Now what...?" she sighed.

The blond nibbled on his chocolate bar absent-mindedly. "No idea..."

"Well, at least it wasn't about you and Tiffy?"

"I guess…"

"It could have been, if I didn't knock that camera out the window."

"Yeah..."

"At least it's me?"

"..."

"Cheer up?" she suggested.

"..."

"…For me?"

"..."

Matt reappeared once again. "Whoa, you guys made the headline in the local newspaper."

"FUCK DAMNIT!" Tori was now officially in depression mode.

"Hey, at least you've got fame?"

"Shut up. I'm going to take a shower." The girl got up and poofed to the bathroom.

Mello simply sat there with complete stillness, while the gamer was perched on the window ledge.

"WHAT THE FUCK? THEY DID IT?" Alex, standing in front of the two ex-Wammy students, had somehow found their address and got into their apartment.

"…Who the hell are you?" Well, Matt was drunk when he met him properly face-to-face.

"About to be that Brit's boyfriend," he scoffed arrogantly. "Looks like girly has her."

"Yep. Sucks for you."

Mello just stared at the floor blankly, not even responding to the insult 'girly'.

"She wasn't anything special anyway," Alex mumbled.

The chocoholic looked up sharply. "What?"

"…Oh shiiiit." Matt backed away slowly before turning fully and sprinting to the kitchen.

"THE BRIT WASN'T ANYTHING SPECIAL! Waste of time, really."

Mello stood up, walking up to Alex calmly. He grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer and drew back his fist.

FALCON... PUUUNNNCHH

…Pop pop pop.

Alex was sent spinning to the ground. He clutched his face, gaping at the other male like the idiot he is. "What the fuck was that for?"

Pop pop. Pop. Something was making weird popping noises, coming from the kitchen.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?"

Pop pop. Matt peeked at the fight from the corner. Pop pop pop pop!

"What? You actually think she's worth somethin'?"

Mello kicked him roughly in the stomach. Pop pop pop.

The victim began breaking down into a fit of crying and sobbing. "WAIT! TIMEOUT, MAN, TIMEOUT!"

Pop pop! Pop!

"GET THE FUCK OUT!"

"WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT HER?" Then he covered his head in fear. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

Pop pop pop pop! Then there was a loud 'ding' noise. Matt emerged with a bag of microwaved popcorn, shoving them into his mouth and cheering. "GO, MELLO!"

"YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW, DAMN IT!" Mello roared at the cowering loser, ignoring the existence of the red-head. The games-addict didn't mind that and sat on the floor, munching on his food and watching the intense argument with interest.

"I'LL STOP HITTING ON HER ONCE YOU TELL ME!" Alex retorted.

Munch munch crunch crunch.

"I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU." He pulled out his gun. "NOW GET OUT!"

"Damn, I dropped one…" Matt flicked the popcorn, sending it flying towards the couch, which then disappeared underneath. Hey, the trashcan was all the way across the room, and it's not as if anyone is going to go or even look under the couch anyway.

"SO YOU LIKE HER FOR NO REASON?" Alex shouted.

Chomp chomp. Crunch crunch crunch.

The 'lion' refused to answer his question, pressing the gun onto his target's forehead. "I SAID, GET OUT!"

Om nom nom nom.

"Nice to know a boyfriend likes his girlfriend for no reason," he retorted.

Munch munch munch. Matt finished his bag of popcorn, licking his fingers delicately. He scrunched up the bag and tossed it behind him. He can always pick it up and throw it away in the proper place later. If he remembers to, that is.

Mello smacked Alex across the face with the gun.

The gamer stood up. "…Er, Mell-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" was the response he received.

He shrugged and backed away. "Well, I tried."

Alex clambered onto his feet and shot out of the door, tripping a couple of times. Tori tiptoed in, having heard the noise from the argument. The blond was breathing heavily, his expression clearly showing rage.

"What happened to Mells?" She turned her gaze to the other male. "…What did you do this time, Matt?"

"It wasn't me, I swear!" he held up two hands in defence. "Some random dude came in and pissed him off."

"Who was it?"

"No idea."

"Mello…?" she called uncertainly.

"What?"

"Don't give me an attitude!" she folded her arms, displeased.

"…Psst." Matt poked the girl. "You should wait for him to calm down first."

"Fine, whatever," she muttered, exiting the room dramatically.

Tori sighed for the umpteenth time, kicking a rock.

Alex seems to have been hanging around the area. "Hey."

"…Hi?"

"TORI!" Matt yelled, running up to them. "TOOORRRIIIII!"

"What, Matt?"

"Have you seen m-" He paused to take off his goggles to inspect Alex. "Hey! It's the dude who called you a waste of time, making Mello punched him!"

Tori stared, her eyes widening.

"...Oops. So yeah, have you seen my games? I can't find them."

"What…?"

"I said, have you seen my video games?"

"You said something else."

"I can't find my games?"

"Before that?" she pressed on.

"…I forgot," he lied.

"Matt…"

The male teenager studied the concrete ground. "…Mellotoldmenottosay."

"But Tori told you to say."

"But Matt is listening to Me- Why are we talking in third person?"

"I don't know?" She quickly went back to the topic. "So Matt, tell me."

"But but but…!" Then he realized something. "Wait, I forgot! You're already a couple! I wonder why Mello told me not to say, then. Anyway, the dude was like "Tori's nothing special"."

"…And?"

"Then Mello got pissed at him for saying crap about you. That's pretty much it."

Tori had a confused look. "Why doesn't he want people talking crap about me?"

Just then, a certain blond-head was walking towards them. "S-"

"'Cause he loves you, duh!" Matt replied to her question, entirely oblivious to Mello's presence.

The girl glanced at the mafia member, whose eyes were hidden by his golden bangs, giving off an intimidating aura. "…Uh oh…"

The gamer followed her gaze. "Oh, hey Mells! Didn't see you there."

Alex shouted for help, running away pathetically. "NOOO! GIRLY IS GONNA PUNCH ME!"

However, Mello's attention was on someone else.

"Uh...I should probably…" The teenage girl darted away.

"What? Why?" Matt blinked. "Tori?"

He also failed to notice that his best friend's fists were clenched so tightly that they were shaking.

"Mells? Why the silence?"

Mello exploded. "…LSDKJFASJDFPAIWF EIUFNWNF!"

Goggle-head jumped at the unexpected outburst. "Whoa, dude!"

"JSDNPINEFIUNPEUF!" He punched him while pronouncing more non-existing words.

"OW!"

The ball of raging fire raised a mighty flaming fist from hell, which was radiating with the power of a pie. "YOU LITTLE… GODDAMN… BASTARD OF A…!"

Matt decided this was the right time to run for his life.