A/N: I do believe that this is the end of the road for this story. I'm not necessarily proud of how the whole situation ended, but it's hard to always be strong. I really truly appreciate all of your support over the past month or so, and I hope that this story touched some of your lives. All the best, Janet
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?
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Outside Grand Jury Room A, just after the hearing
"Better?" Olivia asked with a small smile, resting her arm on the back of the bench.
"Yeah, I think so," Julia slightly chuckled, "But I'm not going to lie; that was really rough." Wrinkling her nose in discomfort, she tried not to blush at the smell emanating from her armpits; her suit jacket was completely soaked through with nervous sweat, and she felt like she reeked.
"Don't worry, I can't smell you," Olivia gave her a sly wink, as if knowing exactly what the young girl had been thinking about. "Besides, you should have seen my clothes after the first time that I testified on the stand. Let's just say that the antiperspirant didn't really help. "
"Nor the second nor the third time?" Julia couldn't help but tease, feeling as if a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"Okay, you've got me there," the detective smirked, getting to her feet. "But how about we had back to the precinct to wait for the verdict? Alex will know where to find us."
"Sure," Julia stood up, following her through the courthouse. And then after a moment, "Doesn't this make you nervous?"
"Hmm?" Olivia glanced at her.
"The metal detectors, the bars on some of the windows, the guns all over the place," Julia shrugged.
"Nah," Olivia chuckled. "You get used to it after awhile; and it helps that I know the majority of the people in this building, too."
"Yeah," Julia followed the detective outside. "I suppose that would make sense. They'll have their decision soon enough, though, right? Or does it take them awhile?" she again switched topics, now thinking about the grand jury; although she was slightly relieved at being done with testifying, she still felt anxious and off-kilter.
"It can take anywhere from minutes to days," Olivia led the way back to the precinct. "In this case? Your guess is as good as mine."
Julia didn't say it, but she truly hoped that the grand jury had their decision soon, and that she could move forward with her life. Finals were coming up in a few weeks, followed by senior year; dealing with a sexual assault was really not something that she had planned for.
And as always, she was exhausted.
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16th Precinct, one hour later
"Hello there," Alex strolled into the precinct, her briefcase held loosely by her side.
"Hello to you, too, Counselor," Olivia smiled, her hands jammed into her back pockets. "Any word?"
Yeah, any word? Julia anxiously got to her feet, trying to glean information by studying Alex's face. Did they believe me? Are they going to let you proceed with the trial? What happens now? Why won't you just SAY something?
Alex nodded, a tight-lipped smile on her face. Following Olivia and Julia into one of the conference rooms, she took a seat at the spacious table. "Okay, I have some good news and I have some bad news," she informed them both.
Julia's face immediately paled, her spirits falling when she realized that the grand jury hadn't believed her after all. "But I was so honest," she whispered, trying not to cry. "I told them the truth; I told them exactly what I did and did not do," a few silent tears slid down her cheeks. "Why didn't they believe me? What did I do wrong?"
Alex and Olivia exchanged glances, the attorney telling the detective exactly what had happened without even having to say a word.
"I don't think they didn't believe you, honey," Olivia hesitantly stated. "Actually, I think the problem is that they did."
"What do you mean? I don't understand," Julia wiped away a few errant tears.
"Olivia's right, Julia. They believed everything that you said, and indicted Mark with the rape charge," Alex removed her glasses, setting them aside.
"So… is that the good news? Or the bad news?" she cautiously asked, slightly afraid of the answer.
"That's the good news," Alex chuckled.
"So then what's the bad news?"
"The police report won't be enough to get the felony conviction," she calmly but kindly informed the young girl. "That means that in order to get him convicted, I'm going to need your testimony."
"In front of a real jury? And other people?" Julia meekly asked, already knowing the answers to her questions.
"I'm afraid so, yes."
"There's no other way?" Julia balled her fists underneath the table, not quite sure if she could endure another trial, and another time of telling her story.
"There's no other way," Alex murmured, hoping beyond belief that Julia would be able to make it through the trial; her entire case rested on the eleventh grader's testimony.
"Okay," Julia sighed in resignation.
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Courthouse, one month later (July)
Julia uneasily walked into the courthouse behind Olivia, once again gazing at the metal detectors. She hated this building; even with all of the increased security around, she still felt unsafe and scared. She realized that her fear was irrational, although she couldn't shake the bad feelings that the building still seemed to evoke within her.
"Right this way," Olivia led Julia toward one of the courtrooms, leaning against the wall. "Alex should be here at any moment, and then she can show you the room."
"Okay," Julia muttered, warily glancing around the large lobby. Once again struck by the loudness of those around her, she frowned, trying not to think about where she was. "Why am I so nervous?" she shakily laughed.
Olivia smiled, her arms folded across her chest. "Because you've never been in a courtroom before, so this is all new to you."
"Yeah, I know, but this is more like show and—"
"Tell?" Alex supplied, walking up to the duo. "You have nothing to worry about, though," she warmly smiled. "I just wanted to show you where the jury will sit, and where you'll find Mark."
"Okay," Julia sighed, glancing at the door to the room. "I guess it'll be helpful to know what the place will look like," she shrugged. She certainly understood that the more she knew about what was going to happen, the better she'd ultimately feel.
Opening the door and slipping into the courtroom, Alex confidently strode up the center aisle. "The jury will sit over there along the wall," she pointed to a box containing thirteen chairs, "And the judge up front. This is where you'll sit while you testify," she pointed to the witness chair located just beside the judge's dais.
I don't know if I can do this, Julia told herself, feeling the tension coiling within her stomach. "And so Mark is going to sit over there?" she pointed to the defense table. "Right where I can see him? Right where he'll be staring at me? I think I'm going to be sick," her face turned slightly pink.
Alex and Olivia exchanged concerned looks, seriously starting to worry about whether or not Julia would continue with the case.
And then Julia asked the one question that the detective and the attorney had been dreading.
"What happens if I don't testify?" she whispered, afraid to look at anything but the ground. She knew that both Alex and Olivia would be furious with her, not to mention disappointed and disgusted.
"Well," Alex cleared her throat, "At this point, the case is the city versus Mark, so I'll have to go through with the trial regardless of what you decide to do. If you decide not to testify," she continued, "I suppose I'll probably have to consider a plea bargain to ensure a conviction."
"So he wouldn't be convicted of a felony, but rather something lesser?" Julia persisted.
"I don't think I can get the felony conviction without your testimony," Alex again gazed at the young girl, "So unfortunately, I would probably have to offer him a misdemeanor of some sort."
"Can you tell us what you're thinking, honey?" Olivia carefully and gently probed.
"I'm thinking that I just want this to end," Julia murmured. "I don't know that I can stomach the thought of this hanging over my head for any longer. It's been seven months already… when would the trial take place?" she quietly mumbled.
"It's scheduled for next December, I'm afraid," Alex leaned against the railing, not really sure how to feel about the changing situation.
"So another five months away?" Alex nodded. Julia simply sighed.
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Lakewood High School, three months later (October)
Julia started off senior year bound and determined to make the most of it. Although she wasn't typically interested in going to sporting events—especially football games—she wanted to go to Homecoming with her friends this year, and she wanted to have fun. She wanted to be a part of the crowd, and she wanted to relax.
It was time to move on.
It was time to think about the future.
It was time to take control of her life.
So she tried her best to do those things, joining after school clubs with her friends, participating in every single senior activity, and trying to forget about the impending trial.
It was hard, though, because as usual, Mark was always around. He was still Mr. Popular, running the halls of the school with his popular varsity posse. It was actually very sickening, and Julia hated it.
But she persevered. Senior week activities, counseling sessions, orchestra, college applications—these things all took center stage in her life during the first few months of the school year, while she tried her hardest to forget about Mark and how he had violated her. Books like 1984 and Brave New World consumed her time, as did finding new and improved ways of getting through the unbearable class of AP economics—the one class that Mark's friends had somehow managed to get themselves into.
Her plan worked quite well, in fact, until mid-October. In October, Julia realized that no matter how far or how fast she tried to run, it was never far or fast enough; he was always there, lurking in the back of her mind. Although she convinced herself that she had had friends, or at least people that she hung out with, she couldn't help but notice that she never laughed quite as loudly as they did, nor did she smile quite as often.
She had friends, but she didn't feel like she fit in. She was a loner. A poser, as some of the students in her school would have called her. She was posing as a normal, well-adjusted student. If only everyone had known that she felt completely and utterly alone, even when in a crowded room.
And dating? No, that didn't happen, either. Julia refused to let anyone touch or hug her, always making up one excuse after another as to why she wanted to be physically isolated.
October slowly turned into November, and November into December. Julia periodically heard from both Olivia and Alex, but she knew that they were busy trying to rid the world of evil-doers, and that they really didn't have a lot of time to spend with her anymore. She didn't mind, though, because she understood. She knew that they were trying to help other people in the same way that they had helped her, and she was fine with that. She actually appreciated it.
On the day of the scheduled trial, Julia found herself crouched on the floor underneath her AP English teacher's classroom phone, rocking back and forth as she anxiously waited to hear if the trial would be postponed. The weather was bad, and the county had been socked with one of the biggest storms of the decade. Within the hour of the county issuing a major travel advisory, Julia received a call from Alex telling her that the trial was going to be postponed for another week.
And that was the end of it. "I can't do it," she whispered into the phone. "I'm sorry, Alex, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm so sorry. I know that you'll be upset with me, but—" she sadly trailed off. But I'm just not strong enough to testify. I can't handle the nerves anymore, and the stress is killing me.
Alex held back her sigh of disappointment. She had had a feeling that Julia would back out of testifying once she had found out that the trial had been postponed, so she really wasn't surprised. She was just… disappointed. "I'm not upset," she finally told her, "And I understand. This has been hard on you, and I know that," she kindly added. "Is there anything else that I can do for you right now?"
"No," Julia held back a few tears. "No, I'm just really sorry to disappoint you and Olivia."
"You haven't," Alex softly told her, "And we'll be in touch."
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Lakewood High School, January
One month later, Alex called Julia to give her the news. "It's over," she smiled into the phone. "The trial is completely over."
"What was the verdict?" Julia hesitantly asked, almost afraid of the answer. This was the moment of truth.
"Guilty," the attorney quietly replied, "Of a misdemeanor, though; he pled out."
"What, uh, what is his punishment?" Julia clutched the phone tightly in one hand, leaning against the classroom wall for support.
Alex pursed her lips, not really wanting to answer that particular question. "I did the best that I could," she cautiously murmured, "But he only got one month's probation. If it makes you feel any better, though," she hurriedly continued, "He had to admit his guilt in front of a courtroom full of people, including his mother."
"Oh," Julia swallowed, knowing that she had no one to blame but herself for Mark's easy punishment. If she had only testified— "Well… thank you."
But Alex wasn't quite done yet. "I don't want you to beat yourself up," she softly told her. "Really, both Olivia and I completely understand. Just hang in there, and please let us know if there's anything else that we can do for you." The attorney wasn't lying, either. She and Olivia really weren't upset at Julia's decision to back away from the trial, and in fact, partially understood.
"Thanks," Julia mumbled. "Really, thank you for everything. And please tell Olivia the same."
With that, the detective, the attorney, and the student all parted ways, with the student blaming herself for years and years to come. She felt very little closure over the incident, knowing full well that Mark's probation was nothing compared to what he should have received. But she also knew that she had no one but herself to blame for that one.
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Earth Tones Coffee Shop, Alex and Olivia, after the verdict
"She'll regret that decision for the rest of her life," Alex mused, taking a sip of her extra strong coffee. "I truly believe that she'll regret not having testified."
"Perhaps," I shrugged, gazing at the other woman across the table. "But can you really blame her? I mean, look how long it took, Alex. She had to see Mark every day for an entire year, while trying to navigate life, the courts, and her own memories of the incident. There's just so much the human mind can take sometimes. She couldn't change schools, she couldn't say anything to anyone—it must have been hell for her."
"I'm sure it was," Alex agreed with me, taking another sip of her coffee. "And therein lies the problem with the system, like we've been saying for years."
"It just takes too damned long," I frowned.
"It does," Alex nodded. "So what now?"
"We live to fight another day. We live to do more good. We just live," I half-smiled.
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Finis
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A/N: Again, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this story, and I hope that you found it a good read or possibly even helpful. Like I've said to a few people, I'm not entirely proud of my actions (or inactions) at the end, but… seriously, I was really tired of dealing with everything.
Regardless, here are a few tidbits and updates for anyone who might be interested.
* The details of this story took place almost exactly as described (the story is how I remembered things, anyhow). The main difference is the fact that Julia's discussions with Olivia actually took place with my school psychologist; I just figured that because this is an SVU fic, I should have SVU characters take center stage in it. Also, I didn't know about the fight between Mark's friends and Michelle until Michelle and I were college roommates.
* Yes, I still regret not testifying at that final trial. I really, truly do. At the time, the whole thing had been dragging on for over a year, and I was tired; I was ready for it to be over with… had we not had a massive blizzard on the day of the trial that postponed it, or had it even been a few months sooner, I probably would have gone through with it. I would also imagine that the lawyer and detective were not so pleased by my decision not to testify, but maybe they were as okay about it as Alex and Olivia were.
* I couldn't remember why I didn't sue the school, so I recently asked my mother if she remembered the rationale. She said that it had been my decision not to, and that she didn't know why. Knowing me, I would guess that it's because I loved my district very much, and still hoped to someday teach there. That doesn't negate the fact that mistakes were made, and that things were said to me by administrators that never should have been said. I'm pretty sure that one person "retired" over the botched investigation, however.
* I had a couple of friends who remained friendly with Mark. Mark ended up with a full football scholarship somewhere in the Southern part of the United States. His college dorm room got broken into several times, and a lot of his stuff was stolen. He then flunked many of his classes, lost his scholarship, gained 100 pounds, and moved back to my home town. I don't take pleasure in his misfortune, but… you know.
* As for me, I ended up going to school to teach social studies and special education. I was convinced that I would never find someone to love (or be loved by), and that even if I did find someone, I'd never let that person touch me. I had a college professor tell me that I would find the right person, and that when the time was right, I would know. For anyone out there who had a similar experience, my professor was right: when you find the right person, intimacy can be a very beautiful thing; it just takes awhile to build up that trust. I'll be married in May to a very amazing person.
* And then as for Hoot, my school psychologist let me keep it as a graduation present. That beanie baby lived in my pocket for the rest of my junior and senior year, and it gave me a peace of mind (hard to explain, and I know that it sounds strange, but focusing on one object can be helpful when you're in panic mode). While student teaching, one of my 8th graders was sexually assaulted, and so I passed Hoot on to her. Perhaps Hoot is living the good life in Florida (where I believe she moved to), or maybe he was passed on to another student in need.
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Again, thanks to everyone who read this. If you have any questions (or critiques), please don't hesitate to contact me!