Author's note: hello! Here is the newest one shot! This one has a bit of a story. I sent this to Kenny's Space Cadet to beta. She wanted me to add smut. I said I wasn't planning to. So she decided to write some…but ended up not writing any smut…BUT it did turn into a collab fic! SO! This chapter is written by me and KSC. I wrote the first half while she wrote the second (where it changes to Alfred's POV). I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Did I remember to do this in the last chapter? *too lazy to check* anyway don't own anything…

"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend!"

Where was his cell phone? Where did he put that freaking thing?

"No way! No way! I think you need a new one!"

Ah! Here it is!

"Hello?" Matthew said, not bothering to look at the caller ID in his rush.

"Mattie!" Alfred's voice whined on the other end. "What took you so long?"

"Jeez, Al…I had just misplaced my phone! What's so important?" Matthew sighed.

"Can you come down here?" his brother cried.

"Right now?" he asked, trying to clarify.

"Yes!"

"No."

"It's important!"

"I told you I'm coming down tomorrow, Al…"

"I need you now!"

"Francis is still visiting me. I can't leave."

"Just ditch him!"

"No! What is so important that you need me to come down there?" Matthew snapped.

"Because…" Alfred…sniffled? "I need help with something…and it's really urgent…"

Matthew wasn't sure what his brother was getting at. It sure sounded like…but Alfred would sometimes seem to allude to something when he really wasn't intending on making an innuendo.

"Why don't you get Ivan to help you out?" Matthew asked. After all, their boyfriend was visiting this weekend due to a business trip…

"He can't! He's in a meeting with the bosses!" Alfred wailed, sounding really upset. What the heck was the problem?

"Why aren't you at this meeting?" Matthew asked. Really Alfred, shirking his duties again?

"…I called in sick…" Alfred mumbled.

"Why? Are you sick?" Matthew asked, worried.

"…no…"

"Then what's the problem?" This was getting frustrating.

"Please just come down here!" Alfred whined. "I'll…I'll explain it when you come down here!"

"No. I am not going to fly down there for no reason!" Matthew growled, walking slowly into his living room. "You're over eight hundred kilometers away right now!" Francis was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels on Matthew's obscenely large TV (another "gift" from Alfred that was more for his own benefit than Matthew's), seemingly not listening to Matthew's conversation.

"I don't know what that means!" Alfred cried hopelessly. The metric system is stupid! Now come down here!"

"I said no! And your system makes even less sense! What does 5,280 feet have to do with a mile? And what the heck are feet anyway?" Matthew shot back.

"It does so make sense…it…feet are um…um…something about… never mind! Please come down here…Please?" Alfred begged.

"No. Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"It's embarrassing!"

"So?" Matthew sighed, getting irritated.

"I just really, really need help with er…something…" Alfred mumbled.

"Do you know what it sounds like you're asking?" Matthew asked impatiently.

"It sounds like you're being propositioned, Mathieu!" Francis cut in loudly, still scanning for a good show.

"CAN HE HEAR ME?" Alfred screeched.

"Ugh…just be quiet…"

"AM I ON SPEAKER PHONE?"

"No…" Matthew sighed. "That's what Francis always guesses…" Alfred's reaction cemented Matthew's suspicions about Alfred's intent. "Can't you take care of it yourself?"

"No! It's not working! Mattie…"

"Goodbye, Alfred…I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"But…" Matthew simply hung up on him, miffed that his brother thought that he could pushed around every time Alfred wanted sex. Alfred had some nerve calling him for that when he knew that Francis was over! He stomped into the kitchen and threw his cell phone onto the counter before turning back towards the living room.

"Who was that?" Francis asked as Matthew sat down next to him. Apparently, he didn't glean that information from Matthew's side of the conversation.

"No one important…" Matthew grumbled.

"Oh hon hon! You don't need to refuse a proposition on my account!" Francis chortled. "I am never one to discourage an act of love…"

"I'm not a booty call!" Matthew snapped. Francis just chuckled in return.

"Ah! I just remembered… I recorded a program from last night!" he suddenly said, clicking a couple buttons on the remote rapidly.

"What is it? A made-for-TV movie?" Matthew asked. Hopefully it was something he would be interested in…

"Non, it is an American Awards Show." No such luck for Matthew…

"Like the Oscars? I didn't know you were into Alfred's shows…"

"Not usually…but this is an exception…" Francis laughed deviously.

Finally, the show started to play.

"Welcome to the 27th annual AVN Awards!" the announcer's voice boomed.

"AVN?" Matthew asked, confused.

"Adult Video News," Francis clarified, smirking.

"What the…? Is this a porn awards show?" Matthew yelped. Francis laughed at his reaction.

"It sure is, mon cher!" he chortled, before becoming silent as some previews of the nominees were shown on screen. "Ooh…" he cooed. "I bet tons of Alfred's citizens are watching some of these fine movies right now…among other things! This show must bring a boom in lovemaking!"

"What?" Matthew muttered.

"I bet poor little Amérique is feeling that now...oh hon hon!" Francis laughed.

"…feeling it…?" Matthew asked, horrified. Oh, God…did he really just leave Alfred hung out to dry when he was…

"Oh yes! With his people's undoubtedly renewed interest in adult film he must be so…"

"Horny?" Matthew squeaked. What kind of opportunity was he missing out on?

"Oui!" France laughed.

"Um…Francis…I think I'm going to go out for…a while…" Matthew whispered, his face red.

"It is no problem…I already gave you my hearty blessing…" Francis murmured flippantly, still entranced with the show in front of him.

The distinct sound of "Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend!" was heard from the kitchen.

"Besides," Francis said with a wink, "I'll be fine here for a while…"

"Oh, okay…see you later then…" Matthew mumbled as he walked towards his phone, acting a little dazed.

"Ooh…but can I invite someone over…Iggie, maybe?" Francis asked with a sly look on his face.

"…yeah sure whatever…" Matthew didn't even know what Francis had asked.

Ah, finally a break in their meeting… Ivan sighed as he stretched his legs. Suddenly there was a buzzing in his pocket.

"Allo? This is Ivan…" he said as he pressed his phone to his ear.

"Ivan!" Matthew's voice burst out, sounding distressed.

"Matvey? What's wrong?" Ivan asked. Matthew sounded… flustered.

"Nothing! Ah, nothing! I'm just…I'm just arriving… here… in DC… now… yeah… I'm just getting a cab… now…"

"What? Weren't you planning on coming tomorrow?"

"No! I mean yes, yes I was but Alfred…"

"Is something wrong with Alfred? He did call in sick but… Is he okay?" Ivan said loudly, now pretty worried.

"He's fine!" Matthew squeaked. "He's just very…he just needs some help with things…" Ivan could feel the embarrassment oozing out of the receiver.

"Excuse me?"

"There was a big American porn award show last night!" Matthew suddenly yelled.

"Oh…"

"And apparently that's making Alfred…"

"Da, I understand. I will be there soon," Ivan said forcefully. "See you later, Matvey."

As soon as he hung up, his boss walked into the room, looking at him quizzically.

"The meeting is about to start, are you ready?" he asked.

"Nyet…it seems like Amerika has fallen ill… and I must check on him… now," Ivan said, looking quite dangerous. His boss just waved him off and left, already used to Ivan doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Ivan chuckled darkly as he hailed a cab outside.

Tonight was going to be very, very fun…

America wanted to shoot someone. More specifically, he wanted to shoot his stupid brother Matthew. "Doesn't he understand how horny I am after last night?" America asked the air rhetorically, stroking himself furiously. He had already come twice from his own hand, but it hadn't done a thing to end his misery. In fact, it had only made it worse, because now all he could do was think about his hand being replaced by Canada, or by Russia, or by both…

"At least Russia has an excuse to not answer my calls!" America said grumpily as he hastily continued masturbating. "He's in a meeting! Mattie, on the other hand (oh man I wish I was on his other hand) is being a jerk! God! What a –jerk!" Alfred said, and with one last quick jerk he came for third time.

He almost cried when his erection didn't subside. "What the fuck!" he yelled. It was red and sore from the treatment he'd been applying to it with his hands, but Alfred had never been very good at getting himself off in the… other way. He needed Russia or Canada ("or both…") to come and fill him, because America simply couldn't reach his own prostrate, and it was starting to hurt to masturbate his penis.

America stared at the phone longingly, wishing Mattie had listened to him. But of course he never listens to me! Thinks he has to get back at me for forgetting about him all the time, when really, I am always fucking thinking about him! God!

That was when he heard a door slam, and he hurriedly covered himself up in case it was Obama – that would be awkward. "Alfred? Are you here?" said an unwelcome voice.

"M-m-mister President!" Alfred said, pulling a blanket over his tent when Obama walked in the door. "What are you doing here sir?"

"I just came to talk to you about the Planned Parenthood situation," Obama said, coming over the stand next to Alfred's bed. "You know that the House cut their funding, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Alfred said, feigning calm. "Uh… douchebags?"

"I know! We really need to create a battle plan to make sure the Senate doesn't pass the same thing, or else I am going to be in real big trouble during re-election…"

Alfred at this point had tuned his boss out. Why the fuck is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Maybe this is a punishment for Iraq. We pulled out of there though! Afghanistan? AHHH I AM SO HORNY

"We're going to fuck you so hard you see stars and stripes!" said a voice from the stairwell, surprising both Alfred and Obama. Alfred instantly recognized the voice as Russia, and he squeaked.

"Yeah, your ass will never be the same again!" Matthew's voice joined. Alfred felt like his world was going in slow motion as his bedroom door flew open, revealing his lovers to Obama and Obama to his lovers.

Matthew and Ivan stopped dead in their tracks. "Uh…" Matthew started. "Hello Mr. President."

"Hi Canada, Russia," Obama greeted, not coming to shake their hands as would be the customary convention. The situation didn't seem to merit it.

"Er, we were just here to uh, see Alfred, er, America," Matthew said awkwardly.

"For diplomatic relations," Russia clarified. "We are practicing our diplomacy tonight. All night."

"I…see," Obama said slowly. "Well. I wish you the best of luck with your, er, diplomacy. I will see the three of you at another time."

"Thank you Mr. President," Matthew said, giving a small bow. Russia smiled innocently.

"Bye Mr. Obama," Alfred whispered, horrified. As soon as they heard the limousine leave the driveway, Matthew and Ivan immediately pounced on their lover.

"What the fuck was that?" Alfred hissed, both in anger and in pleasure at the feeling of their bodies touching his – finally!

"It's like we said…" Matthew said as he pulled off America's bomber jacket.

"…We are here for diplomatic relations," Russia finished as he pulled off America's pants.

Author's note: Yes, America does have a porn awards show, and no, I've never watched it, lol! I just assumed that some channel in Canada played it (we have a Canadian broadcasting channel in the states, but I don't know if there's a similar thing in Canada). If this is an impossible idea, then we'll just assume that Matthew's TV gets every channel from around the world or some awesome stuff like that…lol!

Now for shameless advertising! First, if you like AmRusCan (or whatever you call it idk), go check out Kenny's Space Cadet, because she has a really hot oneshot over there starring those three! Secondly, if you liked this chapter as a collab, we have created a joint account: PrussiaxPrussia, which will have stuff up soon I think. Both have links in my profile.

Sorry about that, but anyway, hope you liked this chapter, thank you for reading and reviewing.