Revelations and Expectations

by Kariesue

Will things go awry when secrets are revealed? And will Sheppard pay the price?

4. Chapter 4

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John could feel warm hands moving briskly over his calf and thighs. It felt good to have movement on his motionless limbs even if it wasn't his own. He knew he should probably open his eyes and find out who was doing this but he was enjoying the sensation too much. He knew if he found out it was one of the male doctors, the pleasure he was getting would diminish significantly.

But the hands felt too soft for a guy. Then the massage stopped and John felt compelled to open them. He forced the heavy lids up and was more than relieved to see Teyla pulling the covers down and tucking them in around his feet. He should have known it would be her. He'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for a while, and only remembered snippets of each bout of wakefulness, but Teyla was almost always there. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Rodney, Ronon, Jennifer or even Torren. He seemed to recall at one point every one of them, including Woolsey, had been standing there. He remembered an oxygen mask at one point, too, but that was no longer present.

Teyla moved toward the head of the bed and her hands descended on his shoulder. She stopped when she noticed his eyes were open. Her eyes brightened and a warm smile grew on her face as she gently said, "Hello, John. It is good to see you awake again. Will you stay with us a while this time," she chuckled, "or is it only another brief visit?"

She smiled again obviously not expecting him to answer. If it were up to him he'd stay awake, but his traitorous body kept slipping back into oblivion. He supposed it wasn't a bad thing when he was unconscious because then he didn't have to think about the fact that he was still unable to move.

Teyla's eyebrow lifted in query. "I have been massaging your muscles. Jennifer says it will help your circulation to improve and perhaps keep your muscles from decaying. I was about to start on your shoulders and neck but I will stop if you so desire. Do you wish for me to stop?"

John blinked twice.

"I will continue then. I will try to avoid your wound. If you feel any discomfort, close your eyes several times, I will keep checking."

Teyla's hands moved gently over John's neck and shoulders wanting to knead this area now that the tracheal tube had been removed. John closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Teyla's soft hands moving over his skin. When her hands stopped, he opened his eyes again.

Her smile was firmly in place as she said, "I can do your back also, but I must reach around you."

John blinked once.

"Very well," Teyla replied and rested her hip next to John's on the bed. She leaned forward and slid her arms around John and under his top. Her fingers started moving in a circular motion on his lower back from his sides and then into the middle of his back, then out again a bit higher. The higher on his back she massaged, the closer her torso got to his until her head was practically lying on his chest.

John wished she would never stop. He also wished he could lift his arms and wrap them firmly around Teyla. The feeling was so nice, a soft hum escaped from his throat.

"Mmmmmmmm" John heard the sound and thought, Oh crap! Did I just do that out loud? Wait a minute; I just did that out loud!

He tried again just to be sure. "Mmmmmmm." His eyes popped open and any vestiges of sleep were swiftly wiped away. "Mmmmmmmm."

Teyla paused in her ministration as she heard the purr from John's throat. As it sounded again, Teyla leaned back concerned something was wrong, especially when she saw John's eyes so wide. The hum sounded a third time and the excitement in his eyes forced her to realize that he was actually making a sound.

"John!" Teyla exclaimed. "That sound is coming from you. You are producing this sound on purpose?"

John blinked yes. He wanted to try some more but his mouth was unbelievably dry. Teyla saw the tip of his tongue make a feeble attempt at wetting his lips.

"Are you thirsty? Do you need water?"

At John's one blink, Teyla turned and ran into Jennifer standing in the doorway.

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Jennifer had been finishing up paper work and was hoping to actually sleep in her own bed tonight. It was just about midnight so she took one last look at the row of monitors in front of her, seeing the heart rates of the three patients she had there. Colonel Sheppard's rate was a bit elevated, although certainly nothing to be too alarmed about. Still, she figured she'd check it out before she left him in the capable hands of Dr. Arlen.

She moved quietly toward the door and saw Teyla with her arms wrapped around Colonel Sheppard. She was surprised at first, then realized Teyla was giving him a massage and was trying to reach his back. Of course, she was practically lying on top of him to do it. Jennifer stifled the chuckle that threatened to emerge. No wonder the Colonel's heart rate was a bit fast. Jennifer certainly wasn't going to interfere with this treatment. She was just about to head back through the door when she heard a sort of hum from Sheppard. She paused and heard him do it again. She watched his eyes grow excited as he made the sound yet a third time. As Teyla turned toward her in an attempt to get water, Jennifer stepped forward.

"Ice chips would be better. I'm not sure his throat muscles could handle drinking anything right now. I'll get them. You stay with the Colonel."

John watched Teyla come back to his side and within seconds Keller approached, too, with a small cup and spoon in her hands.

"Only a small amount to start with, Colonel," Jennifer instructed. "Just let them melt in your mouth and slide down your throat. There's less chance of you choking on them then."

John felt the cool moisture on his lips, his tongue and find its way down his throat. "Mmmmmmmm." Okay, he could do humming. Well, maybe one note of humming.

Teyla and Jennifer were both beaming at him. He wondered if there were maybe more sounds he could make. He concentrated and tried to make a 't' sound but that didn't work too well so he started at the beginning of the alphabet and worked his way through. There were a few that were easy enough; sounds that required very little movement of his teeth, lips or tongue. 'f' and 'v' sounded similar. Soft sounds like 'j' and 'h' worked okay, but many sounds he found, just wouldn't come out.

Jennifer chuckled when she realized what he was doing. Teyla looked at her questioningly. "He's going through the alphabet, seeing what sounds he can make. Nice going, Colonel. I knew you wouldn't give up."

"Thank you, Jennifer." Teyla appreciated her confidence in John's determination to get well.

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Jennifer left the room and John continued practicing the few sounds he could make. He knew he sounded like an idiot, but it was only Teyla. Yes, her opinion meant more to him than almost anyone else. But she had seen him at his worst, his mutated, bug-faced, retro-virus infected worst. Babbling a few sounds shouldn't scare her off too much.

After a while of humming and hissing as many sounds as he could, John's throat was dry again. Oh, great! How am I going to tell her this?

His eyes flicked to where Jennifer had left the cup of ice and attempted a vowel with the consonant. "Uuuu … ssss," hissed out of John's mouth.

At Teyla's confused look, he tried again. "Uuuuuuu … ssssssss."

He just couldn't get the vowel correct. It didn't matter. Teyla figured it out and spooned another scoop of ice into his mouth.

"Maybe you should try and rest for a bit. You will not be able to regain your speech in one night."

John wanted to disagree, but couldn't. He closed his eyes to rest, then opened them again as Teyla sat in a chair by his side holding is hand. He could always count on her to be by his side. Unfortunately it didn't seem like he was going to be able to repay the favor any time soon.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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John opened his eyes again, wondering about the weight on his chest. He looked down and saw a mass of chestnut hair resting there. Teyla must have fallen asleep during one of her massage sessions. As much as he enjoyed them, he knew she needed to get some rest. She'd get run down and end up sick herself. He could feel her hands resting against the skin of his sides. It felt way too good! He figured he should wake her up and tell her to go get some real sleep.

Oh, that's right, you can't move or talk!

The pleasure of having Teyla so physically close was intoxicating. So intoxicating that, for a second, the thought that being paralyzed actually had some advantages passed through his mind. It only lasted a second when he realized what he couldn't do with Teyla sunk in.

What are you talking about? She's not yours and she never will be, so why are you deluding yourself even thinking that?

It was a good thing Kanaan was away at the moment. John didn't imagine this scenario would play out too well if the man was here to see it.

John couldn't go back to sleep, not with Teyla where she was. It was okay though, he figured he'd probably slept a month worth just in the past few days.

John wasn't sure how much time went by, but he enjoyed every minute of it. He held his breath for a second when Teyla shifted slightly in her sleep, especially when her hand moved smoothly over his abdomen and up his chest. Her body had moved also and now John could feel the back of his hand resting against Teyla's skin. He couldn't really see where it was, but by her position it was in her mid-section. She always did have a thing for the short tops.

The feel of her bare skin against his hand was a teaser. He'd give anything to be able to explore it more. He felt her skin sliding back and forth against his knuckles but was confused when he saw that she wasn't actually moving. He concentrated on his hand and continued to feel the softness of Teyla's skin. Now he wanted Teyla to wake up to see if his fingers were actually moving or if he were just imagining things. As the sensation on his hand persisted, Teyla stirred again. This time she made a small sound almost like a purr, from her throat. John concentrated harder in the area of his hand and eventually Teyla raised her head. As she did, she realized both her hands were still under John's top.

Teyla opened her eyes and came fully awake when she became aware of her position resting on John's chest. She remembered allowing herself the pleasure of listening to his heartbeat while she finished rubbing his back. She must have lingered too long and the stress and fatigue of the last few days had taken over and the rhythm of John's heart had lulled her to sleep. She sat up, embarrassed by her transgression, but was even more flustered when she saw that John's eyes were open and trained on her.

"John, I am so sorry," Teyla said chagrined. "I did not mean to fall asleep. I must have been more tired than I thought."

John wanted to tell her it was fine. More than fine as he had quite enjoyed having her rest against him. He attempted to move his fingers again, hoping to get Teyla's attention.

Teyla changed position so she was sitting lightly on the edge of the bed but took John's hand in hers, yet again. As she held it, she felt a slight pressure on her own hand. She looked down and her eyes blinked several times as she saw John's first two fingers lift up slowly then lower again. Then they repeated the action. She looked at John for confirmation.

"You are making those fingers move, are you not?"

John blinked firmly one time then attempted, "Yyy …ee… ssssss."

Teyla's face crumpled and she covered her mouth with her hand as she let out a ragged breath. When she saw the terrified reaction in John's eyes, she clarified, "No, no, I am simply overwhelmed with relief. Jennifer said that if any of your muscles resumed functioning, there would be great hope for your complete recovery, eventually.

Teyla's eyes shone bright and a lone tear slid down her cheek. "You just spoke a word and you are moving some fingers. I believe that is a good sign."

Teyla leaned forward and rested her forehead against John's. John closed his eyes as well, feeling her relief flow into him.

She lifted her head and said, "Jennifer will want to know. " She looked at her watch. "However, it is barely morning. I will give her a bit more time to rest. She has hardly left the infirmary since you arrived here."

John moved his fingers to get Teyla's attention, then blinked once. He took a deep breath and then concentrated. He exhaled slightly then made a combination of sounds.

"Rrrrrr …eee … sssssss …tt." He tried again. "Rrr..e..sss..t."

A memory from his childhood flashed through his mind and he felt like Easy Reader from The Electric Company, sounding out words.

"Rest?" Teyla questioned. "You wish to rest?"

John blinked twice quickly then opened his eyes and stared intensely at Teyla. "You wish me to get some rest?"

John blinked yes, then followed with, "Yy … ee … ssss … y ..e .. ss," and pressed his fingers into Teyla's hand as forcefully as he could.

"I do not wish to leave you and Rodney is not due for more than an hour."

John's eyes moved in the direction of the next bed. Teyla looked there and nodded, "I think that would be an acceptable solution."

She moved to sit on the bed and informed John with a twinkle in her eye, "If you need me, just call."

John blinked once and answered, "Yeessss." Hey, he was getting pretty good at that word. Maybe he needed to start working on the word 'no', after all, Rodney was due in just over an hour.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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"Okay, try it one more time," Rodney told John as he tapped a few keys on a small electronic device. "It should work now."

John moved his finger on a touch pad in a sequence of short and long taps.

"Okay, it looks like it's working," Rodney commented. "You did spell out Sheppard, right?"

John tapped again and Rodney said, "Good!"

John had to admit this was a great idea that Rodney'd had. When he'd come in this morning and Teyla had told him about the sounds John had made and the movement of his fingers, Rodney had been thrilled. But then he'd started with the finger snapping and had pulled out his laptop and sat quietly for over an hour.

John didn't mind, it meant that he didn't have to feel uncomfortable that he couldn't talk. And it gave him time to see if he could move anything more than the first two fingers of his left hand. After an hour, he'd managed to get the third and fourth fingers to twitch and a slight movement in his right hand.

At that point, Rodney had disappeared for a while but sent a parade of others to keep him company. Zalenka had shown up and attempted a one-sided conversation until John had taken pity on the man and pretended to be asleep.

Lorne had shown up for just enough time to give him an update on general military business then went back to work. Amelia had brought Torren for a short visit, informing him that Teyla was getting some much needed rest. Torren had bounced about on his bed for a few minutes, kissed his shoulder again and allowed Amelia to lead him out for lunch.

When Rodney had finally come back, he informed John that he'd created a way for him to communicate. He'd rigged up a small touch pad with a laptop so that if Sheppard tapped Morse Code on the pad, it would translate onto the laptop screen in a font large enough for people to see from not too far away. So now they were testing it out.

"So, anything you want to tell me?" Rodney asked, looking at the screen for his answer.

I'M STARVING, John tapped

"Oh, uh …yeah," Rodney stuttered, "um, didn't Jennifer say you couldn't actually swallow anything, yet?"

YES BUT I'M STILL HUNGRY

"Sorry," Rodney apologized. He sat quietly for a few minutes then looked uncomfortably at John.

"I, um, want to apologize, also, for being kind of a jerk with the whole reporter thing. You called it. You said they'd be trouble."

NOT YOUR FAULT

"Well, I know I didn't actually cause your accident, but I didn't really support you when you didn't want to take them on a mission."

NOT YOUR FAULT, John tapped again.

"I know," Rodney acknowledged. "But I just got so carried away with my own quest for glory; I didn't see how some of them were acting. It's just that so many of my colleagues have published so much research, and they think I've done nothing. I guess I just wanted to make sure they knew I wasn't a has-been."

I UNDERSTAND

"You do, huh?" Rodney quipped then thought for a minute. "Yeah, actually I guess you do. You screwed up a few times back on Earth and everyone knew it. Now you've spent the past six years saving the galaxy and people still think you're a screw-up because you can't tell them otherwise."

THANKS FOR REMINDING ME

"No, no," Rodney shook his head. "I didn't mean that as a reminder, but it does point out the difference between you and me. I wanted them here so I could shove my brilliant discoveries down the throats of all the people who laughed at me. But you, you don't care what those people think. And you didn't throw your pride and values out the window just to prove a point."

Rodney fell silent for a moment and John didn't really have anything to say either.

Rodney looked over at John and sighed," You're a much better man than I am, John, and it shouldn't be you lying here in the bed. I'm pretty lazy and as long as someone was smart enough to be able to hook me up to a computer, I'd be fine. But you, you need to be moving or you go crazy."

As he said this, he recalled the words John had blinked at him earlier in the week.

"Uh, John, when you asked me to shoot you earlier this week, were you kidding?"

John paused for a second over the sudden change in topic. He tapped a finger, stopped, then tapped again.

MAYBE BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT NOW

Rodney shook his head as relief filled his body. "Good, because I don't think I could do it. And we all know what a lousy shot I am. I'd probably miss your heart and shoot some non-vital part and you'd just lie here, bleeding to death. Although I suppose the ultimate goal there would be the same, just a lot more suffering and longer to die. But I should tell you, Ronon was more than willing to do it. And he's a much better shot than I am. If it ever comes up again, you'd better ask Ronon."

Rodney looked up horror stricken at what he'd just said. "Not that I want you to… you know …just …" he gave a big sigh then looked up quick again, "Oh, and don't tell Teyla, cause she flipped when Ronon said he'd … you know … do it."

GOTCHA

"Dr. McKay, Colonel," Woolsey greeted as he walked in. "Dr. Keller said you were rigging some sort of communications device. Is this it?'

Rodney went straight into scientist mode giving Woolsey a rundown of how he'd programmed the computer.

Woolsey interrupted him, "I just need to know if it works, Dr. McKay."

IT WORKS

McKay stood back so Woolsey could see the screen. His eyebrows rose.

"Excellent! How …?" he cut himself off, not wanting McKay to start a long, detailed explanation again.

Rodney got the hint, rolled his eyes and pointed to the touch pad under Sheppard's hand.

"Morse Code there," he then pointed to the laptop on the table next to the bed, "comes up here, translated."

"Amazing! Well done, Dr. McKay! Although I suppose it would be beneficial for the Colonel to take it with him."

TAKE IT WHERE

"To Earth, of course," Woolsey looked curiously at John. "I'm sure I told you someone from the SGC was coming to arrange your transportation back."

"Uh, I think he still may have been pretty out of it when you told us. He probably doesn't remember," Rodney told Woolsey.

"Oh, well then, Colonel, I'll tell you again. The Air Force has decided your injuries are too severe and your recuperation too long to stay here. They're sending you back to Earth for rehabilitation. Of course, at last contact you were still on a ventilator and hadn't gotten any movement back. So we still weren't sure if your paralysis was permanent. But Dr. Keller feels optimistic that the sounds you've been making and the beginning of movement in your hands is a good sign that you could eventually get back to your old self. In time, of course."

WHEN EARTH

"Oh, they should be arriving later today, although I'm not sure whom they're sending. As for when you'll be leaving, that will be entirely up to Dr. Keller."

Woolsey stood looking uncomfortable in the silence so turned to leave. "I'll, uh, let you know when they get here."

The room grew silent after he left. John's eyes were focused on a spot across the room and his breathing seemed to get a little heavier. After a few minutes, John's fingers started moving.

YOU KNEW

Rodney knew it wasn't a question. It was more of an accusation. He nodded but stayed silent. Another minute went by before John tapped again

TIRED

Rodney moved toward the chair at the end of the bed. "Okay, go ahead and sleep. I'll just work right here."

NO I'M FINE ALONE

Rodney was hesitant to leave John by himself right now. "You sure?"

GO

"I, uh, won't make any noise," Rodney promised, knowing John was not in a real positive frame of mind.

GO, John tapped again, then added, PLEASE

"Okay," McKay agreed. "But if you need anything, just tap in SOS and an alarm goes off."

John closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. Leave it to McKay to have installed a panic button. Rodney left and John's fingers tapped out a whole string of profanity. He knew no one was there to read it and it certainly didn't make him feel any better, but it gave him something to do. Because he really wasn't tired.

As he thought this, a wave of fatigue washed over him. Or maybe it was despair. Earth! They were sending him back to Earth. He didn't know why that surprised him. They'd sent Bates back when he'd been attacked by the Wraith and Colonel Everett when he'd been partially fed upon. Johnson and Byers and a few others had been sent back for complications to broken limbs so they could get more intense physical therapy. What they provided here was basic. He was completely paralyzed and unable to talk. Of course they would send him back. The doctors in Atlantis were the best, but it wasn't a rehab center.

Despair rippled through John again. Atlantis had been his home for six years now. The people here were his family. The thought of some VA hospital with a bunch of strangers made him even more depressed. Was Everett still in one? With his luck, he'd end up bunking in the same room with him. Or someone like him.

There'd be no Rodney to bore him to sleep with techno babble, no silent Ronon standing guard, no Teyla with her enchanting smile and gentle hands and no T.J. bouncing on his bed, kissing his boo-boo.

At that last thought, John felt a physical pain deep in his chest. If Jennifer was accurate, it could be anywhere up to a year or more before he was fit for duty again. Torren was barely two. If John was away for a year, the kid would completely forget him.

Where was Ronon? Maybe he would get the Satedan to shoot him. It would be the merciful thing to do.

As John lay there wallowing, he heard voices heading in his direction. He was not in the mood for company so he simply closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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"Do we know whom they are sending?" Teyla asked Woolsey as they stood near the gate platform waiting for the person who would come take John back to Earth.

"No," Woolsey responded. "All we got was a time."

Woolsey had asked Teyla to greet the SGC member with him. She had been doing much more in the way of diplomatic duties recently and he had gotten used to her poise and professionalism by his side.

However, Teyla was feeling far from diplomatic right now. She wanted to tell whomever this person was, to just turn around and go back to Earth. They could not have John Sheppard. He belonged here in Atlantis. Maybe more than anyone else did. He had been here since the initial expedition. He had risked his life on countless occasions defending this city and her inhabitants. And he truly was a descendent of the original denizens, the Ancients. The strength of his ATA gene proved it. His skill and expertise in dealing with the Wraith were unsurpassed and no one could do a better job than him.

But more than that, Teyla needed him here. She needed him to read stories to her son. She needed his magic touch in getting Torren to sleep at night. She needed him because life without him would be unbearable.

The sound of the gate opening brought her back to the present. The shimmering pool rippled and two figures emerged. Teyla only noticed the first.

"Sam!" she cried and ran to embrace the tall woman wearing blue BDU's. "It is so wonderful to see you!"

"Teyla," Sam returned warmly, leaning into the embrace, "It's great to be back. I only wish it were under different circumstances."

"Yes," Teyla sighed.

"Colonel Carter," Woolsey greeted and got a nod and a "Mr. Woolsey," in return.

Teyla looked behind Sam at the man who had accompanied her. He was slowly turning around, taking in the enormity of the gate room, obviously his first time here, and a civilian if his clothes were any indication.

He finished his revolution and Teyla realized it was John's brother. "David!" she said, surprise in her voice.

"Teyla!" Dave returned the greeting with relief at seeing someone he knew. He grasped her hands and asked, "How is he? They said he wasn't breathing on his own."

Teyla squeezed his hands and reassured him with a smile. "He is much improved since then. He was taken off the ventilator last night and has been conscious for much of the day."

The sound of someone clearing their throat brought Teyla's head around. "Mr. Woolsey," Teyla began, still holding onto Dave's hand, "this is the Colonel's brother, David Sheppard."

The two men shook hands and greeted each other.

Sam looked stunned. "You two know each other?"

Yes," Teyla smiled. "We met last year in … San Francisco. He was kind enough to help John keep an eye on Torren for me while I was shopping with Jennifer and Amelia."

Sam nodded and then, as if on cue, Amelia walked down the stairs toward the group.

"Excuse me, Mr. Woolsey," she interrupted, "A message came through the gate for you from General Landry. I sent it to the computer in your office."

"Thank you, Amelia," said Woolsey, "I'll get to it in a moment."

Amelia replied, "Yes, Sir," then nodded at Dave. "Mr. Sheppard."

"Amelia," he greeted back and watched her walk up the stairs to what he assumed was the control room.

This was all so surreal. First, the Stargate Command Center, then the Mid-Way Station and now the mythical city of Atlantis itself. This room alone was amazing. He couldn't imagine what the rest of the place was like. But that would all have to wait. His first priority was John.

"Mr. Sheppard," Woolsey addressed him," "Welcome to Atlantis! Unfortunately I have matters I need to take care of, but Teyla here can show you and Colonel Carter to the guest quarters and you can make yourself comfortable." He motioned for one of the SO's to get their bags, then he walked up the stairs to his office.

Teyla looked curiously at Dave, "Would you like to get settled in the guest quarters first?"

"I want to see John." Dave stated bluntly.

Teyla smiled, "I thought as much. Sam, are you coming?"

Sam nodded and started walking next to Teyla.

Dave put a hand on Teyla's arm. "I was thinking that maybe I could stay in John's quarters, though."

Teyla nodded and gave the SO directions.

"Can we take the outside route to the infirmary?" Sam suggested. "I'd love to see the view. It only takes an extra minute," she explained to Dave.

He nodded his consent and followed the two ladies out of the gate room. Within seconds he was walking along a balcony overlooking the most extraordinary sight he'd ever seen. The city was a huge, architectural marvel. And it was just floating in the middle of a vast ocean. Dave had to shake his head a few times to make sure it was real.

As they entered inside again, Dave took one last look and remarked, "This place is unbelievable. John's been the Military CO of this place for six years?"

At their nods, he shook his head again in disbelief.

As they approached the infirmary door, Teyla stopped them. She put her hand on Dave's arm and questioned, "They told you that John is completely paralyzed, did they not?"

Dave nodded, "Colonel Carter told me. Do they know if it's permanent, yet?"

Teyla's face lit up at this and she announced, "Dr. Keller now believes it is not."

"Really?" Sam asked. "What makes her think that?"

Teyla answered, "Late last night John was able to vocalize a few sounds." She chuckled, "He spent quite a bit of time experimenting. Even so, he is unable to say anything yet, but it is a start."

"And the doctor feels this indicates his paralysis isn't permanent?" Dave clarified.

"That," Teyla continued, "and the fact that this morning he started moving several fingers on one hand."

"That's great," Sam sighed.

They were about to go in when Teyla saw Rodney sitting on a bench right inside the infirmary door.

"Rodney, I thought it was your turn to sit with John? Why are you out here and not with him?

"Cause he kicked me out," Rodney answered sullenly.

"What did you do?" Teyla demanded.

"I didn't …Sam?" Rodney got distracted, "you're the one they sent to come get John?'

"Yes," Sam said, "and this is …"

Rodney started snapping his fingers a few times and tried, "Uh, Dick, …Dan,… Don…"

"Dave!" came the reply from three separate directions.

"Right, Dave. I knew that. Sheppard's brother."

"Rodney," Teyla asked again, "What happened? Why did John ask you to leave?"

"It wasn't my fault, I swear," he promised.

"It wasn't!" he repeated when both Teyla and Sam looked doubtful.

"He was fine," Rodney explained, "complaining about being hungry and Jennifer not letting him eat anything."

"Sounds like you, McKay," Sam said.

Rodney just made a face and continued, "Anyway, then Woolsey showed up and told him he's being shipped back to Earth. He got all moody, said he was tired and to leave him alone."

"I thought you said he couldn't speak," Dave reminded them.

"Oh, he can't, not really," Rodney confirmed, "but I rigged up a touchpad and linked it to a laptop. John just taps in Morse Code and what he says pops up on the screen."

"That's a great idea, Rodney!" Sam congratulated.

"Yeah, it was pretty genius," McKay agreed.

Teyla was more concerned about John. "When did this happen?"

"Hour and a half, two hours ago." McKay shrugged. "Every time Jennifer's checked on him since then, he's been asleep."

"Or hiding," Teyla explained, "Whenever John is in the infirmary and does not wish to deal with something, he pretends he is asleep."

Rodney pointed his finger a few times. "He fell asleep on Zalenka this morning."

"I think you could legitimately fall asleep listening to Zalenka," Sam snickered.

"Maybe it would be best if I went in first," Teyla suggested, "just to ease the transition into seeing you."

Jennifer greeted them when they walked in. "Sam!" she exclaimed and the two women exchanged hugs. "And Mr. Sheppard, I didn't realize you were coming."

"David, please," he insisted. "And thank you for doing everything you possibly could to help John. It means a lot to me and I know John appreciates it, too."

Jennifer looked at the group and said, "I checked on him a few minutes ago and he was asleep."

Teyla closed her eyes and took a deep breath, paused for a moment then let it out. When she opened her eyes, she informed Jennifer, "I do not believe he is actually sleeping."

The secret grin on Jennifer's face told Teyla she knew exactly how she had figured this out.

"He is in the room in the back," Teyla said, "You may follow me, but wait by the door until I have had a chance to speak with him."

They watched Teyla as she walked to the far side of the bed. David could see his brother from here and his heart did a flip. John was lying very still with an IV and heart monitor attached. He could see bandages on John's neck disappearing into his top. His face looked pale and haggard and he was sporting a few days' growth of beard. David grinned, thinking about how much he used to tease his brother in high school for his lack of facial hair. Now, as an adult, it seemed he had an abundance.

He looked back to see Teyla sit on the edge of John's bed and take his hand in hers.

.

Teyla approached John's side and opened her mind to try and sense how he was feeling. She almost cried out at the turmoil she felt inside him. He was confused and upset and … scared. This was not an emotion she had seen often in John Sheppard.

Then he sensed her presence and was unsure whether to acknowledge it or continue to hide. Teyla sat down on the edge of the bed, took John's hand and made the decision for him.

"John, I am here if you need me," she told him plainly. His eyes opened showing gratitude for a split second, then became lost in sorrow. The fingers on his left hand started moving up and down and Teyla looked across the bed to the computer screen to see what he had written.

SENDING ME BACK TO EARTH

Teyla nodded and said, "I am aware and saddened by the news."

DON'T WANT TO GO

Teyla chuckled, "You sound like Torren at bedtime."

Instead of the humor she expected to see, John squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply to let it out in a ragged breath. Teyla's alarmed eyes moved to the screen as John tapped.

HE'LL FORGET ME

Realizing the cause of his fear, Teyla put her hands on John's shoulders and moved her face closer to his. "I will never allow that to happen," Teyla whispered furiously. "I promise you!"

John wasn't sure how Teyla did it, but she had such a calming effect on him. He felt a peacefulness wash over him as their foreheads touched in the Athosian custom.

Teyla straightened up and informed him, "You have a few visitors who wish to see you, if you feel up to it."

John knew it was someone from the SGC; he just wasn't sure whom they had sent. I hope it's not Landry, John thought. He was pretty sure the guy didn't like him very much.

SGC, he tapped and Teyla nodded, first to him, then to someone standing by the door.

Because John still couldn't turn his head, he had to wait until the person came into view. When he saw who it was, he let out a sigh. Colonel Carter; not a bad choice if he had to make one. They'd had a pretty good working relationship while she'd been on Atlantis.

She smiled and said," Hi John. How are you?"

I'M PARALYZED HOW ARE YOU

Sam looked up horrified. "Oh! I didn't mean … I'm sorry! I didn't think…"

John tapped furiously. IT'S OK JUST SUCKY WEEK CAUSING BAD ATTITUDE

That got Sam to chuckle and shake her head. "You haven't changed, John." Her face grew serious. "I'm really sorry about what happened. But you know I came to take you back. I know you aren't happy about that."

DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER

"Thanks for understanding, John. Um, there's someone else who came along for the ride." She turned to beckon Dave forward.

.

Dave had been watching the interaction between his brother and first Teyla and then Colonel Carter. He wasn't sure what the conversation with Teyla had been about, but it had seemed pretty intense. John was obviously upset and Teyla had worked some magic and calmed him a bit. Where had she been when they were teenagers? She could have made all the difference in the war between John and their Dad.

Looking at John, while the two women spoke to him, made him wonder if it had been a wise choice to come here. He was definitely out of his element and not the best when it came to sick people. John couldn't talk, couldn't move and Dave began to panic that he would say or do the wrong thing and upset him even more than he already was. Carter moved closer to Teyla and motioned for Dave to move into John's view.

.

When the person Carter had indicated moved toward his line of sight, John thought he was hallucinating. Dave? It couldn't be Dave! They'd never let him come to Atlantis. Rodney's sister had come, but she was a genius like McKay and she'd been working on a big project. Well, she'd also come when they thought Rodney had been dying.

John's panicked thoughts escaped through his mouth. "D …aaa …vve!" squeaked out of his mouth as his fingers tapped. John was startled that his brother's name had popped out of his mouth. He didn't think he could say a few of those sounds. The others looked to the screen to read John's question.

AM I DYING

"No, John," Sam was quick to reply. "But you did have a few bad moments where we weren't sure, and after Dave asked real nice, we decided to let him."

Who is she kidding? Dave never asks for anything. He tells, orders or commands.

"He had something he wanted to tell you. So we'll give you a little privacy to talk." Sam moved toward the door and Teyla rose as well.

"I will be back," she assured him, then smiled widely. "I will bring Torren so you can put him to sleep."

John watched her go then looked up apprehensively at his brother. How in the world had Dave convinced them to let him come here?

SO NOT DYING

Dave chuckled, "No, I guess not." He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in the pockets of his casual slacks. "But when Colonel Carter showed up at my office, I uh, …I thought..."

Yeah, I know what you thought. You thought I'd already bought it!

SORRY

"No, no don't!" Dave cried. "It um, … it scared me, John. Thinking you might … uh, you know…"

DIE

"Yeah," Dave answered, his eyes roaming the room looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I insisted I come with her to see you. I didn't want to take the chance of your not coming home alive." Dave took another deep breath and looked at the screen, perhaps hoping John would give him an opening.

No way! John was not going to make it easy on his brother. He just stared at him with a question in his eyes.

"John," Dave began, still uncomfortable, "I'm, … uh, … Losing Dad was hard,…and when I thought that you … I, uh, didn't want you thinking … It's important that you know that I, uh…"

John watched as his usually eloquent brother struggled for words. He wanted Dave to say it. Say how he felt. But he also knew how hard it was to get those words out. Too many years of Patrick Sheppard telling them to 'be a man' and 'don't be weak' and 'never let them know what you're thinking'. All right, maybe he'd let Dave dangle on the hook long enough.

IT'S OK I KNOW ME TOO

As Dave read the words, he breathed a sigh of relief. He stood silently for a minute then sat on the edge of John's bed.

"So, this is pretty cool," he pointed at the touch pad and screen. "This McKay guy thought of it, huh?"

GENIUS. John rolled his eyes.

Dave laughed. "I seem to recall a brilliant younger brother. One who tried to hide it any way he could."

John's eyes took on a mischievous glint and the right corner of his mouth twitched and moved a slight bit up.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"It's amazing how quickly that kid goes to sleep when he's with John," Dave commented as he sat in the almost empty mess hall with the members of John's team and a few others.

"Yes, he does have a gift," Teyla agreed, thinking back a short while ago to when Torren had climbed into John's arms in the hospital bed and drifted off. Marie had promised she would keep an eye on them while the others had a late snack and some time to relax.

"Or it's just that John's not that interesting," Rodney sniped.

"Yet he did it the other day while the Colonel was unconscious," Jennifer reminded them.

"I think it's his smell," Ronon announced.

"Ronon!" Teyla laughed.

"No, I'm serious. The first time the kid fell asleep was in Sheppard's arms, after we pulled you off Michael's ship."

Teyla looked thoughtful, "This is true."

"It is true that babies can equate certain scents with a specific event or activity," Zalenka offered, "And most animals can tell their parents or offspring by their scent."

"Hey, I delivered him. How come he doesn't fall asleep with me?" Rodney complained.

"Because that was a traumatic event, McKay," Sam pointed out. "So now he associates you with trauma."

"I thought it was drama," Amelia said under breath.

A few chuckles slipped out but Rodney just sneered.

"What do you care, McKay?" Ronon growled. "It's not like you spend any extra time with the kid."

"Well, maybe I would if he wasn't attached to Sheppard's hip all the time." All eyes looked at him skeptically. "Or … maybe not," he amended.

"So what else is my brother good at," Dave asked, "besides putting babies to sleep?"

"He's got the highest threshold for pain of any patient I've ever had," came a voice behind them with a thick Scottish accent.

"Carson!" Jennifer cried and ran to embrace the man.

He received hugs and handshakes from most of the crowd, and then sat in a chair someone pulled over for him.

"Carson, this is John's brother, David Sheppard," Teyla introduced. "David, this is Dr. Carson Becket. He was on the original expedition to Atlantis. He has spent the last few years ministering to the people of this galaxy."

The two men shook hands.

"Aye, I was sorry to hear about our lad. I had a peek at him before I came this way." He looked at Teyla. "He was sleeping peacefully with your wee one tucked safely by his side. I can't believe how big he's gotten, Teyla."

Teyla smiled and looked about to say something when Rodney interrupted.

"So, Carson, what brings you this way?"

"I'm needed back on Earth to help Dr. Lam with some research she's doing. Mr. Woolsey suggested I go back when Colonel Carter and Colonel Sheppard do."

"So, you're a medical doctor?" Dave confirmed.

At Carson's nod, he continued, "What were you saying about John when you first came in?"

"Aye," Carson repeated, "Just that John has an extremely high tolerance for pain. More so than any man I've ever met."

"I've got to agree," Jennifer added. "It takes a lot for Colonel Sheppard to ask for any pain medication or to even come see me when he's sick for that matter."

"Of course John can be a little stubborn in that area," Sam recalled. "Like when we finally pulled him out of the rubble of Michael's building."

Jennifer groaned at that memory. "He was down a pint of blood with a hole in his side and what does he do? He slides off the gurney, grabs a clean shirt and goes on another rescue mission."

"That was my fault," Teyla admitted. "He did it to rescue me."

"No, it was Michael's fault," McKay contradicted. "And Sheppard made it through. Although I think I was moving faster than he was on that mission."

"The Colonel always puts everyone else before himself," Zalenka contributed. "Remember when Artero device was activated and the gate was overloading."

"It was Colonel Sheppard's idea to concentrate the shield around the gate," Amelia remembered.

"That was brilliant!" Zalenka said. "If we hadn't, the blast would have taken out entire city."

"It still managed to take out the gate room," Teyla reminded him, "and it nearly took out you and John as well."

"Yes," Radek agreed. "And that's where Colonel puts others first. When we knew the shield would hold no longer, he pushed me to the floor and threw himself on top, taking brunt of explosion."

"Was he all right?" Dave asked concerned.

"He was alive," Teyla supplied.

"And back on duty in under an hour," Amelia added, "Once Marie managed to pull all the glass out of his back and his ears stopped ringing."

"There were only two people in the gate room?" Dave inquired.

"As soon as we knew what was happening, he ordered everyone out," Amelia told him.

"But you were there?" Dave looked curiously at Zalenka.

"I was attempting to reroute power to shields."

"And John stayed with you?"

"Yes, Mr. Woolsey was gone so Colonel Sheppard was in charge," filled in Zalenka.

"I'm beginning to see a pattern," Dave noted. "Any other stories to share?"

Amelia started to tell how the Colonel had climbed the outside of the tower to turn off the emergency beacon during the quarantine lockdown.

"That was somewhat my fault as well," Teyla confessed. "Not the quarantine," she amended, "but the urgency that made John take the risk. I was pregnant with Torren and John was quite nervous the whole time that I would go into labor. I was fine, but with the ventilation off, the air grew quite thin. That is when John threw a chair out the window and proceeded to climb the side of the building."

"That tower's pretty tall," Dave commented.

"Yes, we were in Rodney's lab on level sixty-three and the Control Room is on level sixty-seven."

Dave just smiled and shook his head.

Ronon looked up and commented, "You don't seem surprised."

"No, not really," Dave answered. "You should have seen some of the places he got into as a kid. One time, he managed to get on the roof of the barn. No one ever figured out how he'd done it and he wouldn't tell. And he was only eight at that point. It just got worse as he got older."

"Now he runs suicide missions like they're a paper route." McKay added.

"John refuses to put anyone else in harm's way if he can avoid it," Teyla contributed.

"Suicide missions!" Dave muttered. "Can I take a guess that the Medal of Honor he got was for one of those?"

"Yeah," McKay confirmed. He gave a brief outline of the hive ship that found its way to Earth.

Sam continued, "After the chair was destroyed, instead of coming back to base he got the idea to detonate the nuke…from inside the hive ship."

"Killing himself in the process!" Dave cried. "And you let him do this?"

"His orders were to return to base," Sam defended. "But it's hard to argue with John's reasoning at times. Rescue Teyla and her baby, save the planet…" She threw up her hands and shook her head.

"What he didn't know was that there was a Stargate on board the ship. That's how we got him off." McKay explained.

"But he was willing to give up his life for the sake of his people and the planet," Sam said, "and that's what the Medal of Honor was for."

"But Sheppard's willing to sacrifice his life even if it's not for his people, just because it's the right thing to do." Ronon pointed out.

At Dave's questioning look, Teyla clarified, "You are speaking of the time John was captured and held by Kolya?"

"The leader of a rebel group that had tried to take control of Atlantis at one point," McKay supplied.

"And why did he capture John?" Dave asked.

"Well, his essential reason was to get his hands on the new leader of his people who he felt betrayed him," Rodney said. "He already had a grudge against John, though."

Rodney shrugged and finished his explanation. "When Kolya tried to take control of Atlantis, John killed over sixty of his men."

"John and his troops, you mean?"

McKay shook his head. "There were only three of us in the city and Kolya had Dr. Weir and I with him. John did all the dirty work."

"I think this time Kolya wanted payback," Ronon guessed. "I think he got his jollies out of torturing John."

Dave's eyes grew terrified and he didn't ask for details.

"I do not like to think of that time," Teyla insisted. "The fact that we were made to watch…several times,…"her voice cracked and she couldn't finish.

"It showed me what Sheppard was made of," Ronon said. "Even after everything that bastard put him through, he still managed to escape."

"This Kolya?" Dave questioned, "Is he still…?"

"No!" three voices chimed together.

"He did escape that time," Teyla said, "But next time we met up with him…"

"Sheppard killed him!" Ronon growled bluntly.

Dave digested all this information. He knew his brother got injured during battle but he'd never really pictured him doing the injuring or even killing. How naïve was that? The man was a military leader and of course he would do what was necessary to protect the people in his care.

Major Lorne took that moment to walk into the mess hall and over to the table. He nodded at everyone then addressed Rodney.

"Dr. McKay. You said you wanted to be notified as soon as the Daedelus arrived. They just radioed, they'll be docking in five minutes."

"Excellent!" Rodney exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. "I hope they brought my stuff." He stood up and excused himself.

Dave stood up as well and announced, "It's been a pretty long and intense day. If you don't mind …"

Teyla joined him. "I will show you to John's quarters. I need to get back to Torren soon as well.

They both said their goodbyes and walked in the direction of John's room. There was silence for a while, then Teyla broke it saying, "Do not judge John's actions too harshly. He does not enjoy taking a life. But in his job and in this galaxy, it is often a necessity."

"I know," Dave agreed. "I guess I forget that sometimes."

They came to John's door and Teyla gave him instructions for opening and locking it. Dave stepped inside and looked over the room he had only seen parts of in his brother's e-mails. Teyla had gone directly to John's bed and started stripping the sheets. She had a new set on before Dave had even finished his initial perusal.

"I believe Jennifer will be able to give us a better time frame for when John will be capable of leaving Atlantis."

David saw the pain of this reflected in Teyla's eyes. He wished he could make the pain go away, but John needed intense help and Earth was the best place for him to get it.

"If you need assistance," Teyla continued, "there will be a Marine stationed outside the door."

At David's concerned look, she explained, "It is simply protocol for all visitors, even the brother of the man who enacted these protocols."

"Thank you ,Teyla," Dave said, "for everything you've done. For me and for John."

"It is my pleasure," she replied. "I will see you in the morning."

Dave murmured, "Good night," as she walked out the door.

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room again. There wasn't much there. The personal items he recognized: the Johnny Cash poster, skateboard, guitar, and golf clubs. He got up and opened a few drawers and the small closet. A dozen black military uniforms with matching t-shirts were mingled with some jeans, casual shirts, sweats, underwear and socks. The bottom of the closet held two pair of army boots, hiking boots, and a pair of sneakers. His dress uniform was pushed over to one side with the black dress shoes underneath.

Dave sighed as he realized there was very little else in this room. And the room was as neat as a pin. John had been a slob as a kid, but he supposed close to twenty years in the military would have some effect on the man. But the thing that hit Dave the hardest was the lack of materialistic items and the scarcity of the room. And John was happy here, with these few belongings and in this simple place. Guilt nagged at him when he remembered the conversation he'd initiated at Dad's funeral. The one where he'd all but accused John of wanting to steal his inheritance. Dave sat on the edge of the bed and thought, God! How wrong could I be?

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

John had insisted Dave get the grand tour of the city instead of sitting next to his bed all day. So here it was, late afternoon and he was just returning to the infirmary. It was probably a good thing since John was still not in the best of moods. Of course he's not; he's paralyzed for Pete's sake. But at least he had made John see reason regarding the private rehabilitation center Dave had made arrangements with.

At first, John had refused. Dave figured it was mostly on principle alone. John hated when Dave handled things without asking first. But then Dave had compared the care he'd get in the VA hospital with the care he'd get privately. Dave would make arrangements for John to get daily therapy in anything he needed. And Dr. Keller seemed to think he'd need a lot. The bottom line was that John wanted to recover as quickly as possible and what Dave was offering was the best way to do that.

But going on the tour gave them both a little time to chill from each other. Now as Dave walked in, he caught sight of Jennifer and she was looking a little concerned.

"Is everything all right?" Dave asked quickly.

She nodded and said, "John's fine. Enough so that he's stable enough to be sent back to Earth. That's kind of the problem. We told him earlier today and he's not real thrilled."

"I know he's not," Dave replied, "but the sooner we get him there, the sooner we can get him better."

Dave turned to head in the direction of John's room when Jennifer's hand stopped him.

"Actually, he's got company right now. Everybody's just found out that he's leaving in the morning, so quite a few people have come to say goodbye."

"He's well liked, huh?" Dave said.

"You're brother's a good man," Jennifer choked out. "It's not going to be the same here without him."

Dave could see a sheen come over her eyes, but she turned away to rearrange something on the shelf and when she looked back her face was under control again.

"Can I just sit by the door?" Dave requested. "Just so I can watch him."

Jennifer nodded and Dave settled himself in a chair so he had a good view into John's room.

He could see his brother tapping away to two soldiers who were standing at strict attention. They read what he wrote and replied with a crisp, "Yes, Sir!" Then the female replied, "You can count on us, Sir! We won't let you down. You just need to concentrate on getting back on your feet."

They both gave him a respectful salute, and then left the room.

.

John closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. He wanted to scream but that obviously wasn't going to happen. He'd just given orders to Majors Anton and Teldy to give Lorne as much assistance as they could while he was out of commission.

Zalenka and Miko had been by earlier and he'd told them to cut Rodney some slack as he wouldn't be around to keep him in line. He'd given Chuck and Amelia a few tips on how to get Woolsey to see things their way and he'd told a few of the nurses not to be too bored without him to patch up all the time.

He opened his eyes and saw Caldwell approaching the bed and remembered that the Daedelus had been scheduled to arrive yesterday.

"Sheppard," Caldwell began, "sorry to hear what happened. I knew having those damn reporters here was a mistake."

"Yyesss," John breathed out quietly.

Caldwell just stared at John for a minute then suggested, "If they wanted action, you should have brought them to a Wraith planet, see how they like that."

John tapped away and his eyes moved toward the screen. As Caldwell looked that way, he commented, "McKay rigged this up I'll bet," then laughed when he saw what John had responded to his threat.

SUGGESTED THAT. WOOLSEY SAID NO

"A bunch of supplies came in and you, … uh, ordered a tricycle?" Caldwell questioned.

TORREN BIRTHDAY

"Understood. What do you want me to do with it? Give it to Teyla?"

John's first thought was Rodney, but then he realized the scientist probably wasn't the best person to teach T.J. how to ride a tricycle. He wasn't sure Rodney had ever taken the time for something as mundane as riding a bike. Teyla and Ronon were no good either, since they'd grown up in a tricycle-free galaxy. Maybe Lorne would be the best bet. He liked to spend time with T.J. and had plenty of patience.

MAKE LORNE TEACH TORREN

"Will do, Sheppard. Listen, be a good boy on Earth, work hard and get your ass back here soon. The Pegasus Galaxy needs you." He nodded to Sheppard and left.

The corner of John's lip attempted to lift as he thought it was the nicest thing Caldwell had ever said to him.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Do you require any assistance?" Teyla asked Dave as she and Torren walked into John's quarters early the next morning. Dave had two bags sitting on the bed; his small weekend case and a duffle bag he assumed was John's.

"My stuff is all packed, but I'm not sure what I should take for John."

Teyla walked over to the bed and peered inside.

"I mostly grabbed his non-military clothes," Dave said. "I figure he won't need any uniforms in rehab. It's amazing how little he has, civilian clothes, anyway."

"John takes very little time for himself," Teyla informed him. "And at the end of the day he will continue to wear his uniform even after his shift has ended."

"Does his shift really ever end?" Dave wondered.

Teyla chuckled as she swung Torren up to sit next to the bags on John's bed. "No, it does not. He is in a position of great authority and is therefore called upon often when there is a problem, no matter the time."

"And does this Woolsey take on his share of the responsibility?"

"Mr. Woolsey is responsible for a great many things, but anything regarding the safety of Atlantis or her people is considered a military matter and therefore John must be informed. But often the people of this base prefer John's way of handling problems. He is, as they say in your world, more … laid back… in his approach to resolving conflict."

"Laid back," nodded Dave. "Yeah, that describes John. Used to drive our Dad crazy.

Teyla smiled again and walked over to open the bedside table drawer. She pulled out a few small items and handed them to Dave. "John will often be found using these if he has any free time."

Dave looked down and saw an MP3 player and a small video game player. He put them in the bag and said, "Thanks."

Teyla took a look around the room and noticed Torren had crawled off the bed and found John's stash of storybooks. She glanced at Dave. "You are leaving in one hour. Torren and I wanted to say goodbye to John one last time before he …" she stopped for a deep breath then addressed her son. "Torren, perhaps you could read a story to Uncle John before he goes. Choose one that you know well."

Torren spread the books over the floor and responded, "Otay."

He picked one up, toddled over to his mother and held it up to her. "Mama, where he doe?" Torren sounded worried.

Teyla picked him up and held him close. "I told you, Uncle John has not been well. He is going with his brother," her eyes indicated Dave, "back to his planet so he can become well again."

"Mama," Torren whined, "I don't want him a doe!"

"I know, sweetheart," Teyla replied touching her forehead to her son's. "I do not wish him to go, either. But he must, if he is to regain his health."

Dave looked upon the scene and almost wished John could recover here. These people were truly in pain over John's departure.

"Why don't you two come with us?" Dave suggested impulsively.

Teyla looked at him gratefully. "It is a tempting offer. But I also have responsibilities here that I cannot just walk away from indefinitely."

"I understand that," Dave empathized. "But maybe you could come for a visit or two? When your responsibilities have eased a bit."

Teyla smiled, "That is a possibility."

"Good," Dave responded, "Now go and see John. I'll be down in a little while."

Teyla nodded but walked closer to Dave. "Please take care of him. John is very important to many people. He is important to me." She bowed her head then turned around and left the room.

Dave just shook his head at her words. John had practically admitted the same feelings for Teyla when they'd met last year in San Francisco. Now, if these two would just wake up and tell each other.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

DIE OF STARVATION BEFORE EARTH

Jennifer grinned at what John had tapped in. "That's what the IV is for. It has all the nutrients you need to live. And you know Colonel, your throat's not ready for food yet. You barely get down ice chips without choking."

NAZI

Jennifer chuckled and promised, "The rehab center will have an SLP on staff."

At John's confused look she explained, "A Speech Language Pathologist. They work with problems of the throat and vocal chords. They'll get your muscles working so you can speak and eat."

John gave a big sigh, realizing Jennifer was right. They were all right when it came to reasons to send him back to Earth. He would recover quicker with the right specialists and equipment. It didn't make the leaving any easier, though. Teyla had given him her final massage last night, before she tucked Torren in next to him to sleep, but both she and Torren were gone when he'd awoke this morning.

Thinking of Teyla and Torren had made it easier for the decision John made when Ronon had come in first thing to say goodbye. Ronon hadn't said much, he never did. He had shuffled his feet and warned, "On Earth, when you're getting better, it's no time to be lazy, you got that, Sheppard?"

John had hissed out a, "Yeess," then tapped furiously.

FIND KANAAN GET HIS ASS BACK TO HELP TEYLA

"Yeah," Ronon grunted, "I was thinking I needed to find Kanaan and have a good long talk with him."

John snorted. LONG TALK YOU

"When I've got something to say," Ronon clarified, then fell into his typical silence.

He stayed that way until Rodney had come in, then told John he'd see him in the gate room and left.

"Hey, John," Rodney greeted, then held up what looked like one of his mini computers. "Look, I, uh, made your communication device a little more portable. Let me get the connection all set with your touch pad," Rodney fiddled with buttons and controls, then said, "Okay, you're good to go."

THANKS GOT SOMETHING TO HELP ME EAT A STEAK

"Oh, um, no, not really," Rodney said, looking somewhat confused. "Oh, that's right, you still can't swallow anything. Not sure how well I'd handle that."

YOU WOULDN'T

Rodney then fell silent but unlike Ronon was obviously uncomfortable with it. After a few minutes, he managed to stumble across a few words.

"John, I …uh…wanted to say … I'm gonna miss you here. I know we've had our differences at times, I mean we're pretty different people, but you've become a really good friend. And I haven't had a lot of those in my life. But you … you've just let me be me … and that's about the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

Rodney paused here to check and see what John's reaction was. His eyes were sad and his brows were furrowed.

YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND TOO

"Maybe we should go out on the pier for a few cold ones, huh?

One side of John's mouth lifted up and his eyes twinkled.

YOU'D HAVE TO PUT IT IN MY IV

Rodney considered for a moment, then frowned, "No, I think Jennifer would be pretty pissed if I did that."

PROBABLY

Then the silence became companionable as each remembered good times they'd had.

Major Lorne came in twenty minutes later asking for last minute orders. Rodney excused himself and told John he'd see him in the gate room.

John had a million things he wanted to tell Lorne but he kept it as simple as he could. He told him about teaching Torren to ride the tricycle, he reminded him to be patient with Rodney but to push him when it was really important. He wished him good luck and then finished tapping, TAKE CARE OF MY CITY FOR ME.

"Yes, Sir!" Lorne snapped to attention and gave him a salute.

John's fingers moved again. CLEAR GATE ROOM BEFORE I LEAVE.

"But Colonel," Lorne objected, "many of the men wanted a chance to see you off."

Lorne saw his commanding officer's eyes fill with pain as he struggled with the word, "Plleeaaasssse."

He knew then that Sheppard was trying to leave with as much dignity as he could manage. And having a gate room full of people seeing him in this condition, carried through the gate, would not have that effect.

"Of course, Sir, I understand." Lorne nodded and said, "Good luck, Sir, and come back soon. Put down a good bet on the Superbowl for me, would you?"

Then he left John lying there knowing that in less than an hour he would be out of the Pegasus Galaxy and back in the SGC on Earth.

Teyla came by to sit with John until it was time to leave. Torren automatically crawled in between John's arm and body and leaned his head against John's chest. He opened the book he'd brought and started the toddler version of the Three Little Pigs. When he was done, he reclined quietly back against John.

It was early morning so Teyla knew her son wasn't tired, but she had a feeling Torren was aware of what was happening. He could sense her moods almost as much as she could sense his and he knew Teyla was terribly upset about John's impending departure. Therefore, he was upset as well.

When Teyla looked at her little boy, her eyes widened in surprise and amazement. She watched as John's hand, his whole hand, not just a few fingers, actually moved a few inches so it was resting on Torren's back. It obviously had cost him a great deal, as his face had a sheen of sweat on it and had been pinched in concentration during the small movement.

Teyla moved to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge. The head of the bed was fairly inclined so John was almost sitting up. Torren was leaning back against John comfortably, with his eyes wide open and his thumb in his mouth. She smiled at the sight but her heart ached when she realized it would probably be the last time this would happen until John was fully recuperated and back in Atlantis.

She picked up the hand closest to her and noted that Jennifer had removed the IV. She knew the doctor in the SGC would replace it as soon as he was safely there. She moved John's fingers, increasing the circulation.

"Can you move this one as you did the other?" she challenged. John's face tensed up and Teyla could see the strain it caused. She was about to tell him to stop when the hand moved and slid to Teyla's arm.

She felt a slight pressure from John's hand so she leaned forward, her face inches from his. John needed to tell Teyla something but his communication hand was on T.J.'s back and he wasn't sure he could move it again. He took a deep breath, concentrated and whispered hoarsely, "D..ooonn't …l eeet …h iimmm …forrr…g.. et …mmmeee!"

Teyla closed her eyes to try and stem the agony she was feeling. Much of it was hers, but she figured she was sensing John and Torren's as well.

"You have my word," she promised. "But I have faith that you will return to us soon. You have made great improvements already and I know you will work hard to continue."

She stayed close until Jennifer and Carson showed up and it was time to go. They moved John to a stretcher which they then placed on a gurney and began to wheel him out of the infirmary. Teyla followed with Torren in her arms.

The gate room was empty of most personnel. Carter was there with Dave, Ronon, Rodney, Lorne and Woolsey. As they approached, Woolsey instructed, "Dial the gate."

John knew they were wasting precious ZPM power to dial direct, but he was glad they were. He couldn't imagine anything worse than being stuck on the Mid-Way Station in his condition with Dr. Lee yattering on in his ear, non-stop.

The gate gave its mighty woosh and the event horizon shimmered like a clear blue pool of water. Woolsey moved near John and remarked, "I expect you to work hard and get better. We need you here, Colonel!"

It wasn't much in the way of speeches, especially considering it was Woolsey, but John appreciated the sentiment.

Carson picked up the front of the stretcher and Dave picked up the back, saying, "Anyone's always welcome to come visit. There's plenty of room at the house." But there was no response except acknowledging nods.

Sam said her goodbyes to her former staff and led the way through the Stargate. Dave and Carson followed with John.

No one moved, even when the event horizon flickered and died. Except Torren, he had been making whimpering noises and had finally started to cry. Everyone knew exactly how he felt.

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xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo