Revelations and Expectations

by Kariesue

Will things go awry when secrets are revealed? And will Sheppard pay the price?

6. Chapter 6

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The door to the rec room was open and Dave could hear voices floating out as he walked down the hall toward it. He stopped in the doorway to look for his brother and took note of the people inside. The room was crowded and most of the people inside were a good twenty or thirty years older than John. They were sitting at tables, playing cards, Chess or other games, gathered around a large TV set or just sitting in clusters talking. Many were in wheelchairs, but not all of them. Saturday was a light therapy day for these people so Dave assumed the room was more crowded because of this.

He felt bad that he hadn't made it in to see John the last two days. John's first full day, he'd been too tired for a visitor and yesterday Dave just hadn't been able to get away from work until after 8:30 and then he figured it was too late to come. He hoped John understood.

His gaze continued around the room until he spotted his brother sitting over near a window, all by himself. Dave started to smile when he realized John was sitting up in a wheelchair, but then he took a closer look and he felt a tug on his heart. He could see that John had a strap around his chest holding him upright.

He also noticed John's eyes, the ones that usually spoke volumes, were completely devoid of emotion. He was just staring blankly at the floor. Every now and then his eyes would flicker toward someone laughing or some other noise but then they would glaze over and return to the floor. Dave almost couldn't watch. He hated seeing John like this, so defeated. And it had only been ten days since the accident. What would he be like in a month or so?

John was a fighter no matter the circumstances. He never gave up. Dave couldn't remember how many fights he'd seen John and their Dad get into and Patrick Sheppard would always have the last word. But John, John would always have the last action, whether it was something as simple as slamming a door or something more outrageous like disappearing for a few days or … joining the Air Force. John never allowed himself to be defeated. But, to Dave, it looked like that had changed.

He took a deep breath and walked into the room where John was. "Hey, John!" he greeted and was happy to see John's eyes light up when he saw who was talking.

"Hi!" John returned and Dave saw relief come over his brother's features.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here the last few days," Dave explained as he pulled over a chair and sat next to John. "You know how work is. Did they tell you I called?"

John nodded, "Rosie," he confirmed then added, "said…you…sound…sexy." John's eyebrows rose and his grin got bigger.

"Really?" Dave laughed.

John nodded, "Told…her…no." His face was deadly serious for a second then he snorted and laughed and his head dropped.

Dave chuckled right along with him and sarcastically replied, "Thanks!"

John's mood had markedly improved and with it so had Dave's.

"How's … Julia?" John stammered.

'Amazing' was the word that popped into Dave's head as he remembered what'd happened two nights ago after he'd called here. Sometimes she made him feel seventeen again, getting all hot and bothered in the back seat of a car. Only this time it had been his desk in the office where he worked. He still couldn't believe they'd done it.

Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face because John chuckled and said, "That … good …huh?"

Dave looked up horrified and his blush deepened. He tried but he couldn't get the grin off his face especially with his brother's grin getting wider by the second.

"She's fine," he finally managed to get out. He took a deep breath and asked, "How've you been? They tell me you're working hard."

John rolled his eyes and a small grimace came on his face. "Sore … but … good … to … move. Today … going … nuts."

"Did you have any therapies today? You were supposed to have something." Dave asked concerned that he wasn't getting his money's worth or that John was going a whole day without moving.

But John nodded. "PT … hour … this … morn ..ing."

John looked out the window as his brother replied, "Good!"

Dave noticed and offered, "Do you want to take a walk outside? It's a fairly mild day … for February."

John's eyes lit up and he nodded as vigorously as he could. Dave got up, unlocked John's wheelchair and started pushing John toward the door. As they left, Dave leaned over and asked, "Should we tell someone that we're going?"

John's eyes turned mischievous and a small grin appeared as he said, "No." But since Dave was behind him he only heard the word.

John knew they should probably tell someone, but Lisa wasn't here on weekends and the nurse who had been with him today, he was certain, must have trained in a prison ward. Warm and fuzzy, she wasn't. The shower and shave he'd gotten this morning had been less than gentle. He'd almost cried out when she'd cleaned his wound and changed the bandages.

And she'd actually gotten mad at him when she'd combed his hair and it hadn't stayed down. Like that was his fault. Of course it wasn't the first time he'd gotten in trouble for his unruly hair. He remembered the private high school he and Dave had gone to. John had gotten more than a few detentions for 'not following the dress code' until the Head Master himself had stepped in.

The man had given John a fifteen minute lecture on not tolerating acts of insubordination and why it was important to conform to certain standards. Then he had tried to comb John's hair down himself. He'd tried wetting it and even went so far as to borrow some hairspray from his secretary. It had stayed down for all of thirty seconds and then BOING the mass of cowlicks had popped right back up.

The Head Master had looked ready to explode but could hardly argue that John had done anything wrong. John had gone home, showered the sticky spray out of his hair then had laughed his ass off.

He'd never told anyone about that incident but he'd developed the annoying habit of running his fingers through his hair whenever the Head Master was around. The man clearly hadn't liked being reminded of his actions but as John had outstanding grades and his father had been a huge supporter of the school, there wasn't much he could do.

But John had learned early that pushing people's buttons could be a lot of fun. Especially to a fourteen year old boy who had recently lost his mother and whose father couldn't be bothered to find out who he was.

The thought sobered him up as they approached the outside doors. They walked through them and John felt the chill in the air touch his skin but after being inside for the past ten days, it felt like heaven.

Dave pushed him down one of the walkways and strolled under the canopied trees. They reached a small grassy area with a few benches and Dave stopped. He set the break and sat on the bench so he was facing John.

"Is it too cold out here for you?" Dave asked concerned.

John closed his eyes, turned his face up into the sun that was streaming down and breathed in a huge breath of air. "Perfect!" he declared and kept his eyes closed and his face turned up. A contented sigh escaped his mouth and he said, "Thank …you."

Dave looked at his brother's face, so different now than it had been twenty minutes ago. By John's reaction, you'd think he hadn't been outside in a year. It made his heart glad that he could do something, even so small, to make his brother happy.

John finally opened his eyes and looked at Dave. "Sorry, …enjoy..ing … the sun."

"Don't apologize, John," Dave said. "Whatever I can do to make you more comfortable, just let me know."

"Okay," John said then moved his hand slowly to rest on his chest. "Take … strap… off."

Dave's eyes opened in alarm. "You can't sit up by yourself yet … can you?"

"Short … while," John nodded. "Helps … strengthen … muscles."

Dave looked doubtful but reached for the strap anyway. "If you're sure."

As the sides of the straps fell, John's hands gripped the arms of the chair tighter. He looked at Dave and instructed, "Time … me."

The look in John's eyes told Dave that this was another competitive thing. He shook his head, checked his watch then laughed. "What's your best time so far?"

"Six … minutes."

Dave had to hand it to John's Physical Therapist; he knew how to motivate his brother. If you wanted him to do something, make a bet out of it. He'd have to tell him if he needed even more motivation to attach some money to the bet.

Dave wasn't sure if John could talk while he was doing this, but sitting quietly for six minutes would feel strange, too, so Dave decide he would talk. And do it so John wouldn't have to.

He started talking about work and the Board of Directors. The longer he talked, the tenser John's face got. At first he thought John was upset that he was talking about work but then he noticed John's hands had a death grip on the arms of the wheelchair and his knuckles were turning white. He continued a few more sentences but stopped when John's face showed him to be in extreme pain.

"John!" Dave warned. "I think you should stop now."

John's lips pinched tighter and his head gave a little shake. His eyes closed, his breathing increased and Dave could start to see sweat accumulating on his forehead. When Dave couldn't stand it any longer, he put his hands out to reach for his brother, but John had reached his tolerance level, too and whispered, "Okay."

Dave's hands pushed John back from where he had slid and reached for the strap.

"Time," John demanded as he leaned back and tried to slow his breathing.

Dave checked his watch in amazement that, even in extreme pain, his brother's first thought was beating his last time. "Almost eight minutes."

The smug look on John's face was worth watching him struggle through the last few minutes.

"You know, John," Dave said, "You keep this up and you might be back in Atlantis in eight or nine months instead of the year Dr. Beckett predicted."

John seemed to think about this then said, "Six."

When Dave realized John meant six months he almost doubled over laughing. "Okay, Mr. Competitive, how about we get you back inside. It's probably close to dinner time."

John snarled, "Yeah," at this but nodded his head as Dave unlocked the chair and pushed him back inside.

When they got off the elevator and rolled past the nurses' station, one of the nurses called out. "Colonel Sheppard, um … Greta was looking for you. She seemed a little … upset."

"Greta?" Dave asked and the nurse at the desk said, "She's the private duty nurse for the Colonel this weekend."

"Oh," Dave said. "Well, when you see her, could you tell her he's back in his room."

Dave looked down and saw a mischievous grin on his face but when he said, "I thought you said we didn't need to tell anyone?" John just looked at him with such innocence that Dave almost believed he didn't know.

But the innocent face only lasted a few moments before John's head went down and his shoulders shook, a small laugh escaping his throat.

"John!" Dave groaned and then turned when he heard the nurse behind him chuckle as well. She tried to hide it and walked away to get a file on the other counter.

Dave started pushing John down the hall saying, "You know it's a good thing I'm the one paying for this nurse or we could be in some trouble here."

Dave pushed John's chair right over to the bed and asked, "Okay, so how do we get you in this? Did you want to get back in bed?" Dave knew it was just before five. Maybe John wanted to stay up a bit more.

John nodded and informed his brother, "Tired." He looked at the bed and said apologetically, "Need … two … people."

Dave was just about to go looking for someone to help when a thin woman with short, cropped blond hair marched into the room.

"Colonel Sheppard!" she thundered and Dave noticed John actually cringed for a second. Then she continued, her eyes filled with fire, "I put you in the rec room where you couldn't get into any trouble and you disappear on me."

"Um, excuse, me," Dave interrupted, "I took him outside.

"I'll get to you in a minute!" she snapped at Dave then turned her intense gaze back at John. "Visitors should be signed in and not taking you anywhere without my express permission and presence. I'm getting paid good money to take care of you and you can't just wander off with one of your drinking buddies without letting me know where you are."

"Excuse me," Dave interrupted again, this time a little louder and firmer. "First off, you're yelling at a man who can't move himself or speak more than a few words and blaming him for moving and not telling you. Secondly, I came in and had almost a ten minute conversation with John before we decided to go outside. If you're getting paid to watch him, then you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing and thirdly, I'm David Sheppard, the Colonel's brother. I'm the one paying that good money for you as well as for his treatment and stay here."

The woman's eyes nearly bugged out of her head at Dave's last statement. He was ready to toss her out of the room, but one look at John, who was starting to wilt, made him change his mind, at least temporarily.

"Right now," Dave began again, "my brother is very tired and I need you to help me get him into bed."

"Certainly," she answered crisply and moved to John's side. She unhooked the strap around John's chest and walked Dave through the process of moving a patient from a wheelchair to a bed. When John was settled comfortably on the bed, Dave looked again at the woman, who seemed less vicious and more nervous.

"When does John eat dinner?"

"He doesn't really eat," she supplied. "He's still on a thickened liquid diet. We have a nutrient supplement for him. It's kind of like a thick shake. But there's only one SLP on duty on weekends to help with feeding. She should be coming in here soon."

The words were barely out of her mouth, when a young woman walked in saying, "Hey again, Colonel. You ready for supper?" She held up a can and said, "You wanted strawberry flavored this time, right?"

"Yes," John answered and she walked to the side of the bed. When she was near Dave, she smiled and held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Trish. I do feeding time at the zoo on weekends."

Dave shook her hand and introduced himself then turned when he heard what sounded like monkey noises coming from John. God, did the man ever stop?

Trish just laughed and got busy working with John to drink the shake with a straw. Dave sat down in a chair near the bed and noticed Greta was busying herself by tidying up the bathroom.

Trish finished up, announced she had other animals to feed and told John she'd see him in the morning. Greta came back in and started taking John's vital signs.

As she was recording them on his chart, Dave asked, "How long are you here until tonight?"

He didn't want to judge people prematurely but this lady wouldn't be his first choice to give his brother the care he needed. She might be an excellent nurse but her bedside manner needed some work.

"I have another fifteen minutes," she said.

"What else needs to be done for him before you leave?" inquired Dave.

She looked down at the chart in her hand and said, "Just to hook up his IV again. We need to keep him hydrated until he's able to consume more by himself."

Dave nodded and she began reconnecting the tube. Dave saw John's eyes flutter closed and then open again when his head dropped. Just the little he did today obviously had worn him out.

When Greta finished with the IV, Dave told her she could take off and he'd stay with John for a while. She left looking a bit wary and said she'd be back in the morning. Dave wasn't sure he wanted her back. He looked at John who was fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Do you want her back, John? Because I can make arrangements for a different nurse," Dave suggested.

"No, … fine," John said and shrugged. "Super …bowl."

"Right," Dave responded. "Um, I actually have plans for tomorrow night. I'm sorry, John. I made these plans weeks ago."

John shook his head, "Don't … worry, …fine."

"You can watch it here and the TV's good sized," Dave pointed out.

"Fine," John repeated as he continued fighting to stay awake. "Help …with … shoes …please," John asked.

Dave removed the sneakers on John's feet and at his indication his socks, also. "I can see you're ready to nod off, what have you been sleeping in?"

John nodded to the t-shirt and sweats he was wearing and said, "Fine."

"Well, you're going to run out of clothes soon since you didn't have a whole lot to begin with. I'll make sure I bring some next time I come."

Dave moved the sheets and blankets and got John settled under them. He patted him on the shoulder and said, "Get some sleep. I'll come see you again, soon."

John gave Dave a sincere smile and said, "Thank … you,… Dave … for … coming."

John was saying more than he could even a few days ago, Dave noticed. It gave him hope. But he still had so far to go. He walked through the door and turned back for one last look. John's face had grown sad and depressed again and Dave almost went back in. But in the few seconds it took him to decide, John's eyes closed and his features settled into a restful slumber.

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xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

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"Hey, handsome, you gonna sleep all day? You'll miss the game." Helen chastised as she entered John's room.

He opened his eyes and was momentarily confused. Helen worked weekdays, it was only Sunday, so why was she here? He hadn't slept until Monday morning, had he? He'd purposely taken a mid afternoon nap so he'd be able to stay awake for the Superbowl. It had been six years since he'd seen one in actual time. In Atlantis, they usually got a recording a week or two late.

Helen took pity on his look of confusion and explained, "I'm your private nurse for tonight. My husband was watching the game with his brother and if I went along, I'd have to listen to my sister-in-law bitch all night and I'd never actually see the game. So I volunteered for this extra shift knowing you'd be watching it, too. Besides, you and I had a date, remember? The next football game?" she reminded him of their first conversation.

Once the fog of sleep lifted, John felt his heart lift, too. As much as he loved watching football, he knew part of the fun had been watching it with others. And Helen seemed like a pretty fun lady.

"Now I brought you your supper," she said and held up his nutrient drink. "Trish was anxious to get home and watch the game with her husband. She's only been married a year, she'll learn."

John chuckled and checked the clock across the room.

"It's 5:15, kick off's in about fifteen minutes. So let's get this into you, okay?"

John agreed and opened his mouth for the straw. He moved his hand trying to get it up to hold the can. He got it most of the way and Helen smiled approvingly and helped it the rest of the way. John finished the drink fairly quickly and checked the clock again. He'd forgotten he was in the Central Time Zone. It was a good thing Helen had come in, he might have slept through the kick-off.

She grabbed the remote, pushed the right buttons and settled in the chair by John's bed.

"I am so ready to see Manning beat the crap out of New Orleans," Helen trumpeted.

"No!" John sputtered. "Saints … will blow … Colts … out … of water … no brainer."

Helen snorted. "To think I was beginning to like you. But you obviously don't know squat about football. Drew Brees is a lightweight compared to Manning. You'll see."

"Really?" John challenged. "Wanna …bet?"

"I'd be stealing your money, sweetie and that's illegal," Helen pointed out.

"Twenty … bucks… Saints … by ten." John predicted.

"Ten points!" Helen scoffed. "You are delusional, young man. What kind of meds they got you on? It must be some sort of hallucinogenic if you think the Saints will even come near my Colts. Never mind win by ten. But, I'll take that action."

Then she chuckled and muttered, "Candy from a baby."

John's eyes twinkled with delight. This could definitely be a good night.

They watched the game intently for a while and during every commercial break John asked Helen to get him a beer. And she'd respond the same way every time. "Get your own damn beer. What am I, your nurse?"

When half-time came and the Colts were leading 10 – 6, Helen got up and did a little victory dance.

John winced as she teased him. "Still time," he reminded her.

As the half-time show started and The Who got ready to perform, Helen got up to stretch. John wished he could do the same. She picked up the picture of John and Torren and commented, "This kid of yours is pretty darned cute! What's his name?"

John was about to correct her when he realized there was no way he could get out the complicated explanation using his limited speech. He figured it didn't matter what Helen thought, she'd never meet him anyway.

"T.J." John answered the question.

She smiled and guessed, "Bet the J stands for John."

John nodded in agreement.

"What's his mom's name?"

John's eyes grew soft at the thought and he whispered, "Teyla."

"Teyla," Helen repeated. "Pretty name. Different. I bet she's pretty too, isn't she?"

John just smiled again.

Helen put down the picture and picked up the other one. "And these people are…"

"My team," John informed her.

Helen pointed to the figures in the picture and said, "Who's this behemoth?"

John laughed and said, "Ronon. … I call …. him ….Chewie."

Helen chuckled and said, "I can see the resemblance. Big Star Wars fan myself. Now this guy?" she asked pointing again at the picture.

"McKay," John answered then said, "Teyla," as she moved her finger again.

Helen looked closely at the picture and observed, "Teyla. The boy's mom. Oh, she's more than pretty. She's downright gorgeous. And she carries a machine gun. My kind of woman!"

John's eyes focused on the members of his team and wondered what they were doing right now. Helen followed his eyes and probed, "How come they didn't come back with you?"

John knew he was talking about Teyla and Torren, so he said, "Not … from the … States."

"Red tape, huh?" Helen commented. "How long have you been stationed there … near them?"

"Six years," answered John.

Helen whistled and repeated, "Six years! That's a long time to be away from home."

John shook his head, pointed at the picture and corrected, "Is … my home."

Helen felt a prickle start behind her eyes at the softly spoken statement from this man who obviously cared deeply for his family. It was especially touching when she thought about what he did for a living. The picture showed him and his team standing around casually holding automatic weapons. He had a knife on his belt and a hand gun strapped to his thigh to boot. How could a man, whose description included the use of the words casual and automatic weapon in the same sentence, be sensitive enough to talk about home being where his family is?

Helen saw him sigh a few times as he continued to stare at the pictures. Dwelling on their separation would not improve his mood so Helen figured a change of subject was in order.

She looked back at the TV, put the volume up a bit and said, "Man, these guys are too old to be up there singing. Maybe it's time for them to retire. What do you think? You could do better than that."

John snorted at the absurd comment. Helen continued to talk about the musical group until John's eyes shown with laughter at her hysterical comments. When the second half started, she noticed the Colonel had left his melancholy behind.

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xoxoxoxoox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox

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Helen had her first opportunity to sit in over three hours so she opened a bottle of water and took a sip. She was about to take another when an authoritative voice commanded from the other side of the desk, "I'm here to see Colonel John Sheppard."

Helen looked up and saw two men standing in front of her. One was young and buff with a crew cut and military fatigues. The other had a similar presence but appeared much older. He was the one who had spoken and now looked at her like he expected her to jump at his request. She wasn't one for jumping, especially when someone didn't ask real nice.

But they were here to see the Colonel so she put on a smile and said, "The Colonel's in Speech Therapy right now. Do you mind waiting a little while?"

"We'll wait," the man informed her brusquely then asked, "Do you know when he'll be done?"

Helen had only been in this man's presence for a few seconds and already didn't like him. His manner was very condescending and he seemed impatient.

"I can go check and see how much longer they'll be if you'd like Mr…." she said even though she knew this man had to be military from his demeanor.

This was confirmed when he responded, "It's Colonel. Colonel Dylan Everett, United States Marine Corps. If you could go and see to that, I would really appreciate it."

Helen nodded and walked down the hall, wanting to smack the patronizing smirk off the older man's face. And he'd never even introduced the younger soldier as if he were inconsequential. She wondered if he was a good friend of Colonel Sheppard's because she really couldn't see the two of them hanging out and watching a football game.

She smiled when she remembered how they had enjoyed the time three days ago watching the Superbowl together. Until her team had fallen in the second half. She still owed the Colonel twenty dollars.

She walked into the room as Rosie was spooning some pureed food into the Colonel's mouth. He made a face at the taste and texture and Rosie informed him, "You can't drink shakes the rest of your life. You need to work up to real food. And this is the next step, so suck it up and stop complaining."

John smirked and replied, "Didn't … say … anything."

"No, but you were thinking it," Rosie responded. "Don't try to deny it."

John's smirk grew bigger and Rosie stuck another spoonful of mush in his mouth.

Helen took that moment to interrupt. "Hi, Colonel," she smiled warmly, "There are two military types outside to see you. I think one is just a bodyguard but the older guy says his name is Colonel Everett."

Helen noticed his eyes immediately become apprehensive at the mention of the name. They darted around the room and back down again.

"Ever…ett?" he confirmed.

"That's what he said," Helen answered. "Old guy, talks down to you like you're somehow beneath him."

At that description, John closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the pillow. Rosie and Helen exchanged looks and felt their mothering instincts rise to the surface.

"If you don't want him here, we can let him know you're unavailable to have visitors," Rosie offered.

"Thanks," John smiled his appreciation then looked resigned knowing Everett wasn't the type to accept that kind of an answer. "It's … fine."

"Good! Then it's all settled," came a loud voice from the doorway. John looked up and saw Colonel Dylan Everett walking toward him. He was using a cane but only slightly and he looked better than the last time John had seen him. But there was no mistaking the years that had been taken from him by the Wraith. The soldier behind him entered the room at Everett's signal, stood over to one side and then snapped back to attention.

Everett then addressed Rosie and Helen, "Ladies, if you'll excuse us for a few minutes. I know you won't mind if the Colonel and I visit for a while. It's been what, Sheppard, five years? And you were only a Major back then."

Everett tilted his head at the two women as if dismissing them. They both looked at John and hesitated at the uncertainty they saw in his eyes. They could tell he had no desire to be left alone with this man. But John tipped his head and nodded.

As they reluctantly left, Helen looked at her watch and said, "Colonel, it's almost time for Lisa to return from her break."

John knew that wasn't true as Lisa had left barely ten minutes ago. But he appreciated that they were thinking of him.

As they left, they heard Everett say, "I see you still have the ladies protecting you, Sheppard."

John stayed quiet looking curiously at Everett. Not that he had much option in the quiet department. Everett looked around the room and John wondered what he was doing here. Did he get a buzz from kicking a man when he was down? Cause John couldn't get much lower than he was right now.

Everett finished his perusal and commented, "Nice place here, Sheppard. A little fancier than the VA I was sent to. I had to share a room with a few other soldiers. I guess you have a little family money, though."

"Yes, … Sir," John stammered. "My …br …other," God what was wrong with him. His speech had been steadily improving every day and in walks Everett and it slide back to where it was a week ago.

Everett seemed to notice his struggles and held up his hand. "It's okay, Sheppard. Don't worry about talking. I can see you've got a ways to go in that area. I just came to show you some support. I know it's not a fun place to be."

Everett looked around again and seemed almost uncomfortable. He looked out the window and continued talking. "I've been following your career pretty closely. I'm still in the service but they've got me behind a desk most of the time. I can tell you it's damn frustrating not to be on the front lines. But I'm in a position to read status reports and mission logs. You've done some pretty amazing stuff."

He walked over to the bed and looked down at John. "I read you had a similar experience and have one of these now, too." He pulled his shirt down a bit to reveal the Wraith feeding scar. "I guess you were a little luckier than me though, you got back the years that were taken."

John looked at Everett's face to see if there was malice in the words. He saw only sadness there and some regret.

"Sorry … Sir."

Everett turned around quick and shook his head. "Oh, don't apologize, Sheppard. You're in an even worse position right now. At least I could always walk and talk, just did it a little slower. And I understand this happened trying to save some lives. This seems to be a pattern with you, starting with that first suicide run when I was there, and continuing to the action that landed you here. And there've been many by the reports I've read. It's your own little path of self-destruction, Sheppard, and you came awfully close to success this time."

Everett stopped talking and nodded his head a few times. He gave a slight chuckle and said, "I'm still shaking my head at the guts it took for that mission that got you the Medal of Honor. You're like a cat with nine lives. But just remember, Sheppard, I think you've used most of them up. You may not have any left."

At this point, Lisa walked into the room and smiled sweetly at John and Everett. "Hi, I'm Lisa, the Colonel's nurse. I don't mean to interrupt, but he's got a pretty tight schedule today and I've got to get him to his next therapy."

She moved closer to John's bed and pulled his wheelchair right up next to it. Helen walked in a second later and helped Lisa sit John up in the bed.

Everett took the hint and said, "Not a problem. I think we were done with our little visit anyway. Good luck, Colonel," and he saluted. The Marine in the room also saluted.

Helen and Lisa had made the transfer from bed to chair and so John lifted his hand and made an attempt at a salute. His face contorted in pain and effort, but he got it higher than he had before.

Everett just laughed, "You never saluted before when you were supposed to, Sheppard. Don't ruin your record and start now." He moved toward the door but stopped before he went through.

"I expect you to work hard and make a full recovery. Don't think I won't check to make sure you do."

John gave him a nod and a "Yes …Sir," and he disappeared down the hallway.

Helen walked over and peeked out the door. She took a few seconds, then returned and nodded. "He's gone. Are you all right, Colonel? He's not a good friend of yours, is he?"

John's eyes were very distant but he answered, "No." Then he looked toward Lisa and said, "Take … your … break."

"Oh, I will. Don't worry about me," she assured him. "But we need to get you back in your bed so you can rest."

John shook his head and moved his hands down to the wheels of the chair. He had managed to move it a tiny bit yesterday so he was hoping he could do more today. He got it a few feet and then got stuck.

Helen sensed he wasn't attempting to get back in bed. "Where do you want to go, Colonel?" she questioned softly.

"Window," he replied.

Lisa pushed him over to the window and positioned him so he could see out. She and Helen exchanged looks.

"You should probably get some rest, Colonel," Lisa advised. "You've got PT again this afternoon and Josh is starting to push you pretty hard."

There was no response, just silent blank stares out the window. Helen even tried a few outrageous comments but he just continued to sit quietly, his eyes focused on some point outside.

"Well, I'll finish the rest of my lunch, but Helen will peek in on you while I'm gone. Just in case you need anything or want to lie down again."

She looked at her friend who nodded vigorously in confirmation. They took one more look at the silent man and reluctantly left the room.

Everett's visit wasn't as bad as John figured it could be. The man had almost said some nice things about him. But just his presence alone had brought back memories John had preferred stay away. And with these memories came the layers and layers of guilt that John carried daily with him.

He had woken the Wraith by inadvertently touching Teyla's necklace. He hadn't gotten to Sumner in time to do anything more than end the man's life. He had killed the queen and woken up the rest of the armada of Wraith. And that had started events that were even more horrible to think about.

He thought of all the lives lost, people he knew from Earth but countless others from the many worlds of the Pegasus Galaxy. How many of these people would be alive today if his actions had been different? He always had good arguments to defend what he and the expedition had done and he firmly believed in them. But somewhere in the back of his mind was the knowledge, and with it the guilt, of his actions.

His head lowered until it rested against the window. The cool glass felt good against his skin and he gave himself permission to just focus on the world outside.

Each time Helen checked on him she grew a little more nervous at his complete disassociation with anything around him. When Lisa brought him to Josh at 2:00, she was afraid his effort would be affected. She had already warned Josh about the Colonel's visitor and his subsequent reaction in case it continued.

But they needn't have worried. John pushed himself to the point of exhaustion and Lisa almost wondered if he was punishing himself for something.

With no rest at noon it was no wonder John fell asleep during his massage. Tammy helped Lisa get a barely conscious man into his wheelchair. Then Mary and Lisa got him into bed. He roused himself enough to lift some hand weights during OT but when Rosie returned shortly after, he had already succumbed to sleep.

She didn't bother waking him but worried since he was under weight to begin with and needed all the nutrients he could get. Maybe she'd puree a few donuts and see if that would help. She chuckled at the thought and could just imagine his face if she did it. Maybe she would, just to get him to laugh. He didn't laugh or smile anywhere near enough. But when he did, it was amazing.

Rosie looked at the picture of his team. They all looked happy and the Colonel was wearing his crooked grin. The picture with the little boy showed immense pleasure on the faces of both of them. The Colonel was having a hard time and was obviously missing these people. She looked at the pictures again and wondered how they were fairing without him.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo

.

Ronon walked down the street of the Pangori village until he came to the shop he was looking for. Several doors were wide open with many of the wares displayed on the sidewalk. He stood there for a few minutes observing several people moving around inside. As if on cue, the person he was looking for walked outside carrying a box that he deposited on the ground. The woman beside him smiled sweetly.

"Thank you, Kanaan. You are always so kind in helping me set up. I am sure it will be a good day for customers."

Kanaan smiled back and reached for the woman's hand when he noticed Ronon standing there. His hand dropped and he took a step back as he said, "Ronon, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Ronon responded. "We need to talk, so if the lady can excuse us for a few minutes."

"I will be back shortly," Kanaan informed the woman then indicated that Ronon should follow him. They walked a short way down the street and stopped to sit near a few scattered tables and benches.

Kanaan looked pointedly at Ronon and asked, "Why have you come here? Has something happened to Teyla or Torren?"

Ronon snorted, "Oh, so now you're interested in them. You haven't shown enough concern for them in the last month to actually see them. Why now?"

Kanaan ignored Ronon's question to ask his own. "If either is unwell then please tell me so, if not I am wondering why you have sought me out."

"They're both healthy and uninjured. But I came because Sheppard was injured, seriously injured," Ronon disclosed.

"That is unfortunate about Colonel Sheppard, but again I ask why you have come here?" Kanaan persisted.

Ronon's eyes narrowed and his lips grew tight. "It'll be a very long time before Sheppard's on his feet again, so they sent him back to his planet to recover. Before he left, he made me promise to find you."

Kanaan's face grew confused at Ronon's statement so he continued, "Because you haven't been around, Sheppard's stepped in to help Teyla with Torren. He wants me to bring you back to be with Teyla and your son, since he won't be around to help."

"You make him sound so noble," Kanaan scoffed. "But I am aware of the feelings Colonel Sheppard has for Teyla. I am also aware that she reciprocates those feelings."

"Yet neither one of them ever acted on those feelings," Ronon defended. "And why is that? Because you are the father of her son and she made every attempt to build a life with you. A life that you obviously wanted nothing to do with or you would have put more effort into being a family. As for Sheppard, yes he is noble because regardless of how he feels, he believes that you and Teyla have a life with each other and he would never do anything to jeopardize that."

"Yet he treats my son as his own," Kanaan accused.

"He only started doing that because you wouldn't," Ronon growled. "He wouldn't have needed to step in if you'd been a father to your own son."

Kanaan took a deep breath and said, "So now you have come to bring me back to renew my partnership with Teyla regardless of how she feels. As long as I take care of my son."

"Actually that was Sheppard's idea. Mine's a little different."

Kanaan looked curiously at him.

"You've been keeping Teyla dangling on a string for far too long," Ronon accused. "She has no relationship with you, yet she isn't really free to pursue other relationships as long as you're even remotely in the picture. And as it looks like you have no desire to renew your relationship with Teyla," he tilted his head in the direction of the shop he had been at, "you need to set her free and allow her to move on."

"Move on to Colonel Sheppard," insinuated Kanaan.

"I told you, Sheppard's gone. No one knows when he'll be back or even if he'll be back," Ronon grunted. "But you need to make things right with Teyla, regardless. And as for Torren, I don't care what you decide. But if you hurt that kid by dangling him on a string, I'm not gonna be happy."

Kanaan sighed heavily. "I have promised to help in a shop here in the village today but I can get away tonight."

"Good," Ronon responded. I'll just hang around this place for the day. I'm sure I can find something to do. I'll meet you on the edge of town when the shops close up. You'll need my IDC to get into Atlantis anyway."

Kanaan looked uncomfortable but agreed then got up and walked back toward the shop. Ronon's blood boiled when he saw Kanaan and the woman. But he knew knocking the guy flat wouldn't get him back to Teyla any quicker.

.

.

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

"Come in," Teyla called out when the door chime sounded. She knew Jennifer was planning on helping her pack as soon as she got off duty. The door opened and Teyla looked up to see Kanaan standing right outside.

"Kanaan!" Teyla cried, surprised. "I did not realize you were coming to the city today. Is everything all right on New Athos?"

"Yes, Halling sends his greetings," fibbed Kanaan as he moved into the room. He had not been on New Athos in several weeks but he did not wish to hurt Teyla anymore than he needed to. He truly cared for her and his son. But being taken by Michael and experimented on had changed much of his way of thinking.

He and Teyla had always been friends and for a brief time something more, but he could not be something he was not. Teyla was meant to be in this city, defending it and her people as the mighty warrior she was. He was meant for other things. Being forced to work on Michael's hive ship made him realize he wanted a life as far removed from that as possible. And being with Teyla would not accomplish that goal.

He had found peace with the tranquil people of Pangori. And maybe he had found more; something that he and Teyla had truly never had. They had shared 'the gift' and were both able to sense the Wraith. As children this had brought them together. But he could also sense Teyla's feelings. And as much as she truly wanted to make a life with him she could not hide from him the intense feelings she had for Colonel Sheppard. He could not make himself be with her when he knew she was not giving all of herself to him. It finally drove him to spend more time with his people and then more time on other worlds until he found the satisfaction and purpose he needed.

As for Torren, Kanaan did care for the child. But he was also a constant reminder of Teyla's feelings for another man. The man the child was named after. The man who so easily calmed the child and put him to sleep. The man whom Teyla secretly wished had truly fathered this child. Kanaan knew Teyla would be horrified if she knew that he had sensed that from her. But he had come upon Teyla watching the Colonel and his son interact one day and her thoughts just made their way to him. He had left the scene but from that day forward the emotions that he felt for his son had changed.

He looked around the room and noticed the boxes piled everywhere. And in the midst of the boxes was Torren, sitting on the floor, book in his lap, reading about a grouchy ladybug who wanted to start a fight with a bunch of other animals.

"You are packing," Kanaan stated.

"Yes," Teyla replied. "Major Lorne has found us larger quarters. Torren shall have his own room in these. John felt these quarters were becoming too cramped."

"I heard about Colonel Sheppard. I am sorry he was injured."

"Thank you," responded Teyla. "It has been difficult, not knowing when or even if he will return to the city."

Kanaan looked around the room again then down at the floor as he spoke. "Teyla, we must speak of our relationship and of the future."

Teyla lowered her head in agreement. "Yes, I feel the need to speak of this also."

She moved over to a soft bench and indicated that Kanaan should join her. They sat silently for a moment, gathering their thoughts, wondering who should make the first move.

Teyla finally decided she would have her say first. "Kanaan, it has been many days since we have last spoken and even more days since we have been truly honest with each other. I feel I have been holding onto our relationship for the sake of our son, but now feel I can no longer pretend a bond that is not there."

"I understand, Teyla," Kanaan agreed. "I, too, feel our connection was based on imagined feelings. Perhaps we have gone too long trying to hide our true feelings in our attempt not to hurt the other. I do truly care for you, but not in the way a man should care for the mother of his child."

Teyla nodded, "Then we are in agreement that we no longer have a commitment to the other."

Kanaan bowed his head and Teyla continued, "But we must speak of our son. You have been absent for much of his life. I would like to know what your intention is regarding him."

Kanaan took a deep breath and began, "I do love our son, Teyla, but I feel I am not in a position right now to give him what he needs."

Teyla's eyebrow rose and she snapped, "You have not given him what he needs in many days, Kanaan. That task has fallen to me and several others."

She paused and took a deep breath. "But that is in the past and I will not dwell on it as long as you agree that Torren should live primarily with me."

"That is agreeable, but I would like to see him on occasion, perhaps when he spends time with Halling and Jinto," Kanaan suggested.

"That is acceptable," Teyla said and looked toward her little boy who was just finishing up the book he was looking at. He had not even seemed interested in whom his mother was talking to.

Yet she knew that if John had walked in, Torren would be in his arms in seconds. And Kanaan had not even spoken to him or asked how he was. John never missed an opportunity to spend time with Torren, no matter how short. She sometimes felt jealous of all the attention her son received but she knew John would never show his true feelings for her as long as he thought she was tied to Kanaan. And now she wasn't, but he was too far away to matter.

Kanaan moved toward her and touched her elbow. "It is good that we will be on different worlds. You cannot always hide the strength of your feelings for Colonel Sheppard."

Teyla's eyes widened and she apologized, "I am sorry Kanaan, I did not realize…But we have never…Colonel Sheppard has never…"

"It is fine, Teyla," he interrupted. "I, too, have found someone to truly share my heart with. I have spent much time with the Pangorans on their world and will continue to do so. I am sorry that I was not truthful with you regarding this situation earlier."

"I have been aware of your … activity on Pangori for some time now." Teyla said between tight lips then took a calming breath. "But I truly wish you happiness, Kanaan. You will always be considered a friend and welcome here."

"Thank you, Teyla, Now I must go and I will take any belongings that are mine so you need not be bothered with them."

Teyla moved to a corner, lifted a sealed box and handed it to him. Kanaan looked one last time at Torren and moved toward the door. "I know our son will be truly cared for here with you and Colonel Sheppard. I also wish you well and happiness for the future."

As the door closed behind him, Torren called from across the room, "Mama, we see Unta Dohn?"

He was standing in front of Teyla's laptop and pointing to the screen. She walked over and whispered, "Of course you may, sweetheart."

She pressed a few buttons and found the file Rodney had created for them. It was a compilation of recordings that included John and Torren or other members of the expedition. Rodney had gone around collecting any bits of video anyone had that included John and would be appropriate for Torren to view. The result was almost fifteen minutes of what he called 'The John Sheppard Show'. Torren insisted on watching it several times a day and Teyla always allowed it. She secretly got pleasure from seeing it herself. Radek had confided in her that he had caught Rodney watching it a few times as well.

As Torren sat in her desk chair, staring at the screen, Teyla thought back to her talk with Kanaan. It had not been unpleasant but then they both had known their relationship was not meant to be. She felt immense relief at her new found freedom but then as she looked at John's laughing face on the screen, an anger surged through her. This freedom had come three weeks too late.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

John looked around the rec room and noticed it had fewer inhabitants than usual for a Sunday afternoon. He knew quite a few people had the flu and were confined to their rooms. But some others were enjoying the mild temperatures and sunny day outside. He wished he were outside right now. Some fresh air would do him wonders.

He'd been dealing with a cold himself for a few days. A cough rose up in his chest reminding him where the cold had settled. But it was just a cold, compared to his other problems, it was a minor inconvenience.

His gaze moved across the room to Greta, his weekend nurse, who was engaged in a conversation with one of the Nursing Assistants. She's probably criticizing the poor girl on how she makes hospital corners or something. He had asked if she could bring him outside but she had refused, giving him some long medical explanation that he interpreted as her not wanting to go out.

Well, he'd wait for Dave and Julia, they'd take him outside. He looked down at his clothes, hoping he was presentable enough. He was finally meeting his brother's fiancée and had asked Greta to help him dress is khaki pants and a button down shirt for the occasion. Of course the clothes had been sitting in his drawer for the three and half weeks he'd been here and could probably use an ironing. Hopefully Julia would understand or not care what he was wearing.

It would be good to see Dave again, too. Dave had only been to see him maybe half a dozen times since he'd been here. John had to admit it was disappointing that he didn't see his brother more often but he knew Dave was busy running the company.

In the meantime, John was bored. Greta refused to let him take his iPod, psp or even a book into the rec room, saying he needed to socialize with the other residents. But Gertrude, who played a mean game of chess, was visiting with her grandchildren, probably outside. Oscar and Howard, his poker buddies were laid up in their rooms with the flu. And Greta had put him over near the corner again. How did she expect him to mingle when he wasn't anywhere near anyone and she refused to come over and help him?

He moved his hands to the wheels of his chair and managed to roll the few feet or so over to the old piano that was pushed up against the wall. He put his fingers on the keys and flexed them a bit before pressing down. His motor skills were still basic but he'd definitely made progress. It was one of the reasons he'd agreed to meet Julia. His speech was slightly less stilted than it had been however it was far from smooth flowing.

He could also hold his own drink now, as long as he drank from a straw. The few attempts he'd made to drink from the rim of a cup had been disastrous. But he'd actually gotten a few bites of scrambled eggs this morning using a very large spoon. Trish had cheered him on and said to make sure he worked on using utensils as often as he could.

He ran his fingers up and down the keys, playing a basic scale. It had been years since he'd played the piano but with the twelve years of lessons his mother had made him and Dave take, he should remember something. And Mary, his OT, said that playing the piano was excellent therapy for his small motor skills.

He experimented with several different scales and easy pieces that he remembered, making quite a few mistakes here and there. He wanted to blame his mistakes on his lack of dexterity, but he knew that probably wasn't the case.

He had been fooling around on the instrument for about ten minutes when he heard, "All that money on piano lessons and you're playing 'Chopsticks'".

John looked up to greet his brother with a smile as Dave continued, "Mom's rolling over in her grave right now."

John's eyes narrowed as he slowly teased, "Well, if you'd …gotten here on time…you would … have had the …full concert. I just finished….Beethoven's Fifth Symphony."

Dave grinned and drew forward an attractive brunette who was sporting a sheepish grin.

"That would be my fault," she apologized. "I took a bit longer getting ready today."

"John," Dave introduced, "This is my fiancée, Julia Gianni. Julia, my brother, Colonel John Sheppard."

John felt a warmth go through him at the pride he heard in Dave's voice when he said the word 'Colonel.'

"She wanted to make a good first impression," Dave explained.

John lifted his hand to shake Julia's and replied, "Mission's a …success." He looked up at Dave and said, "I am impressed."

"It's great to finally meet you, Colonel," Julia said as she lowered her hand.

John made a face and shook his head. "Please, … it's John and it's …nice to meet you, too."

As John rolled away from the piano, he burst into a fit of coughing.

Dave and Julia both looked alarmed and Dave asked, "Are you all right?"

When the coughing subsided, John said, "Just a …cold, nothing …major."

Julia offered to get him some water but John indicated he already had some hanging from the back of the wheelchair. "I could use … some fresh air."

Julia moved behind John's chair and asked, "We can take him outside, right?"

Dave tilted his head at John and confirmed, "As long as we tell your nurse. Who is it today?"

John tipped his head in the direction of Greta saying, "Cruella."

"Oh, her," groaned Dave. "You know I told you I could get you someone else."

"It's okay," John responded. "Reminds me ... of boot camp …and my Drill Sergeant.

Dave chuckled but was reminded of something. "Hey, Lisa and Helen both told me you had a visitor a few weeks ago who left you pretty upset for the rest of the day. Some Colonel?"

"Everett," John filled in and his eyes darkened briefly. He shrugged and shook his head. "Can we go … outside now?"

Dave sighed when he realized John wasn't going to tell him about the visit. "Sure, let's go."

Julia pushed the wheelchair across the room and Dave addressed Greta when they got closer. "Hi, my fiancée and I are going to take John outside for a little while and get him some fresh air. I just wanted to inform you so you'd know where he is."

Greta forced a smile and responded, "Thank you for letting me know, Mr. Sheppard."

As they walked outside Dave muttered, "So I'm paying her right now to do what? Socialize with the other staff?"

"Yup," John grinned.

They walked down the path and noticed a few groups of people enjoying the nice sunshine. They passed an elderly woman with two teenage girls and their mom, sitting near her.

"Hey Gertie," John called loudly as they passed. "I want a … rematch tomorrow!"

Gertrude raised her hand in acknowledgement then attempted to whisper to her family. "That's the nice, young Air Force Colonel I was telling you about."

John chuckled as Gert's voice rang out fairly loud. She was very hard of hearing and didn't realize the volume of her words sometimes.

As they strolled away from her, John could still hear her say, "The poor thing can't walk. Injured in the line of duty. Protecting our freedom no doubt."

John almost snorted at that statement. Protecting the freedom of speech that the damn reporters had so frequently spoken of. He gritted his teeth and took in a deep breath trying to calm the anger he felt when he thought of how he got in this condition. The breath felt good at first but then a sharp pain hit his chest and he started another round of coughing.

Julia stopped the wheelchair near an empty bench and looked to Dave for guidance.

Dave sat on the bench across from John and checked, "Are you sure you're okay? We can take you in and have a doctor look at you."

John just rolled his eyes and insisted, "I'm fine. Stop worrying."

Then he looked at Julia, who had seated herself next to Dave on the bench. "So tell me … about the … wedding plans."

Julia's eyes lit up at this suggestion but Dave only groaned and warned, "You know she can go on forever about this."

Julia smacked her fiancé on the arm. "David, shh! Maybe John is interested in the details of the wedding, unlike the groom."

"Yeah, David, shh!" John mimicked then put on his most charming smile and opened his eyes wide with interest.

Julia looked more than pleased as she began, "Well, the wedding itself will be at St. Cecilia's, of course." She named the parish the Sheppard family had always belonged to.

As she continued on with details of the wedding, Dave took the opportunity to watch the interaction between his brother and his future wife. Julia was obviously taken with what he called 'the John Sheppard charm'. Not too many people could resist it when he made an effort.

But looking at John he realized that his brother was truly enjoying the conversation with Julia. Of course it had been almost a month since John had had any real companionship, similar age companionship, except the few times he had come to visit. He felt guilty when he realized that he had never stayed very long when he had visited. It was just so uncomfortable watching John stumble through each sentence and struggle just to move his hands. He had been thrilled when he had seen John playing the piano today, such as it was and his speech was definitely improving. He still spoke slower than normal with many pauses in between words, but he seemed to be able to get out longer more complex sentences now.

Dave just sat back as Julia continued her lengthy explanations with John asking a question or making a comment every now and then. They really seemed to like each other. But being truthful, Dave knew his brother was a very likable guy. He just wished he had realized it earlier, like when their father was still alive.

Dave hadn't been kidding when he said Julia could talk forever on the topic of the wedding. So, an hour later he decided to take pity on his brother, although it was John's fault. He had asked the initial question that had started Julia going.

As they sat outside, Dave had thought John's cough was getting worse. And looking at him now he realized John looked pale and his skin almost seemed to have a sheen of sweat even though the air was growing chilly.

When Julia paused for a breath, Dave jumped in. "I think it's just about time for John to go in for supper."

Julia looked at her watch, surprised. "Oh, my gosh! It's almost five. I'm sorry, John, I get so excited thinking about the wedding that I lose track of time."

Another coughing fit hit John so Dave started pushing is wheelchair saying, "I think we need a doctor to take a look at you."

John finished coughing and choked out gruffly, "It's just a damn cold! I'm fine."

Moments after they got him back in his room, Greta walked in. She nodded at them and proceeded to take John's vital signs. As she recorded them she asked, "Colonel, I'm due to leave in a few minutes. Is there anything you need before I go?"

"All set," John assured her but Dave countered, "Actually, would you listen to his chest? He's been coughing a lot today."

She sighed but put her stethoscope back in her ears. "It's a cold or the flu. Everybody in here has it just about.

She listened to John's chest and said, "It's a little raspy. Like I said, everyone's got a cold or the flu. He should get some rest." And her look and tone were very accusatory as if Dave was personally responsible for John's cough. Dave barely waited for her to leave the room when he announced, "I don't care if you like her or not, John. I am not spending another penny on that woman."

He looked for a reaction but just got a simple nod. John appeared tired, a lot more than he had even twenty minutes ago. Dave was going to push for the doctor again, when Trish walked in with a steaming bowl in her hands. She put it on John's rolling tray and put a large spoon down next to it.

"Okay, Colonel," she chirped, "You get oatmeal tonight. Mmm and because I like you so much, I made sure I got you cinnamon flavored."

She picked up the spoon and stirred the bowl of mush and then positioned the tray in front of John's wheelchair. "You did such a great job this morning, I thought I'd let you try a few spoonfuls tonight as well."

At the suggestion, John's panicked eyes flew up to Dave's, almost pleading. Dave grew concerned until he realized John didn't want an audience. Right, the new sister-in-law does not need to see him eating or being fed like a nine month old. Message received.

Dave took Julia's hand and said, "I was planning to take Julia to dinner at a place right down the road from here. We'll let you eat in peace and if it's not too late when we're done, maybe we'll stop in again before we head home."

"That'd be great," John replied. "Thanks for coming today, … both of you."

Julia walked over to John, leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm really glad I got to meet you finally. Hopefully we'll see you in a little while. Can we get you anything while we're out?"

John looked down at the oatmeal, grimaced and suggested, "A steak."

Trish barked out a laugh, "In your dreams, military man. You've got a ways to go first. Come on, I've got other animals to feed."

Dave quickly pulled Julia out the door and gave a small wave as he left. John had just been directing a shaky spoon toward his mouth and he was glad he'd gotten Julia out. It was bad enough being unable to do things like feed yourself, but it must be even worse when people were around to witness it.

.

The restaurant was very nice and Dave felt especially guilty when he ordered the steak for his meal. But he promised himself he'd make it up to John. Once he was well again, he'd buy him all the steak he wanted.

During dinner, Julia kept bringing up how much she had liked John and how eager she was to visit him again, even if it wasn't tonight. But Dave thought back to the damp sheen on John's pale skin and the incessant cough that kept racking his too thin body. They were definitely stopping in again before they headed home. Dave would never rest if he didn't make sure John was okay first.

It was almost seven by the time they got back to the rehab center and they walked in to find John on his bed but still in his nicer clothes. At first, Dave thought he was asleep. The he started coughing, his hand flew up to his chest, and his face contorted in pain. When he was finished he was breathing heavy and his eyes opened to stare at the ceiling.

Dave started to get mad. Had no one been in here to help his brother in the last two hours? Well, obviously someone had gotten him on the bed, but hadn't bothered to change him into something more comfortable.

Dave walked immediately over to the side of the bed with Julia moving to the other side. Dave touched John's arm and demanded, "Has anyone been in here to help you since we've been gone?"

John's eyes rolled in Dave's direction but they didn't seem quite focused when they met his brother's eyes. John appeared confused for a moment then weakly panted, "I'm … I'm okay."

"Like hell you are!" Dave disputed. "They need a doctor in here to look at you. I'll be right back."

John feebly lifted his hand in protest, but dropped it again when he realized Dave was already gone. Julia picked it up again, feeling the heat emanating from John's skin. She used her other hand to touch his forehead, cheeks and neck.

She leaned down and whispered, "I'm gonna get you some water, okay."

John's only response was a slight rise in the right side of his mouth. Julia ran the water as cold as she could get it, thinking she should find some ice once Dave got back, and brought the cup back to John. She raised the head of his bed slightly, found some straws, inserted it into the cup and raised it to John's mouth.

John immediately began drawing in the water and Julia had to warn him, "Not too fast, you'll choke."

Sure enough another coughing fit erupted from his chest. Julia put the cup down on the bed tray and sat on the edge of the bed. John's eyes were glazed over and sweat beaded his forehead. Dave took that moment to storm back in and the expression on his face told her he hadn't gotten what he wanted.

"They haven't got a nurse on duty tonight for John, even though I expressly told them I wanted one at all times."

Julia seemed puzzled so Dave continued, "Something about the flu epidemic. As it is they say all the staff nurses have been kept busy which is why they haven't had time to get in here. Plus, my brother keeps insisting he's fine."

Dave gave a huge sigh and looked down at John's still form. "I did manage to persuade them to get a doctor here to check him out. Unfortunately, it's an on-call doctor and it could be some time before he makes it in." Dave took a few more deep breaths to try and calm himself down.

"I'm glad a doctor's on the way," Julia stated, "because John's got a pretty high fever right now. We need to get it down."

Dave's eyes flared with concern for a second then annoyance took over. "Which we could do if any of these damn nurses would get in here."

Julia put her hands on her hips and scolded, "David Sheppard, you and I are perfectly capable of taking care of your brother until the doctor gets here. Now roll up your sleeves and give me a hand."

Dave was taken aback for a minute then realized this was why he loved this woman so much. She wasn't afraid of him and didn't feel the need to cater to him like most of his employees and even many of his business acquaintances. And she had no problem putting him in his place. He actually found that incredibly sexy.

He lifted both hands and asked, "What do I do?"

Julia glanced around the room and instructed, "Get that small basin by the sink, fill it halfway with cold water, grab a face cloth from the bathroom and put it on his tray."

As Dave did what she asked, she turned toward his dresser and said, I'll see if I can find something more comfortable for him to wear."

She rummaged through the few drawers, frowning at jeans and sweatpants. "Doesn't he have anything lighter than these?" Julia asked then spotted something white tucked in the back.

She pulled it out and questioned, "Are these John's?"

Dave put the basin of water on the tray, looked up and confirmed, "Yes, those are the scrubs he came with from At… at his base." He checked to see if Julia had noticed his slip but she was moving towards the bed nodding her head, so he figured it was fine. He'd have to tell her fairly soon, but probably not on the first day she met his brother. Although she probably hadn't planned on playing nursemaid to him the first time she met him either.

Julia started unbuttoning his shirt and he roused enough to open his eyes in confusion. His hand moved to the buttons she had just undone and he muttered, "No,… what?"

Julia leaned down and calmed him with, "I'm just going to get you more comfortable."

John settled back and Julia continued, "Plus, I'm dying to know if your chest is as hairy as your brother's."

Dave's eyes widened, scandalized and he squeaked, "Julia!"

Mischief danced in her eyes and she shot a teasing glance at her fiancée. John chuckled, too, and said, "No," but when he allowed her to unbutton the rest of his shirt, she assumed his answer was in response to her comment. Dave started pulling on one of John's sleeves and they managed to get the shirt off.

Julia looked down at her future brother-in-law then back up to Dave. "You win, honey, although not by much," she said as she noted the liberal sprinkling of hair across John's torso.

Dave glared at Julia and snapped, "Let's get the top on him."

"Actually, we need to try and cool him down first," Julia amended and reached to squeeze out the face cloth Dave had put in the water.

Dave's eyes narrowed and he muttered under his breath, "How about we cool you down first."

Julia tried to hide her smile as she moved the cloth over John's forehead and face. She'd never actually seen her very controlled David jealous before. Who'd have known it would take his little brother to bring it out. Julia continued to move the cloth over John's face and upper body, rinse it out and start again. The wounds on his shoulder were now healed but the scars were still fresh so Julia was gentle when she moved the facecloth in that area.

David felt jealousy rear its ugly head. It was a new feeling when it came to Julia. He'd always been confident in her attraction to him, but he knew women had always flocked to John no matter how obtuse he was regarding their attentions. He watched her run the cool cloth along John's overheated body and felt the jealousy start to fade. The clinical method of delivery and her concerned expression, made him realize that Julia was truly just trying to get John's fever down.

She had Dave refill the basin with new water and suggested, "Why don't we change his bottoms. I think he'll be more comfortable. She reached for his belt and then stopped when Dave's eyes almost popped out of his head. She rolled her eyes and stepped back.

"Do you want me to leave the room while you do it?"

Dave wanted to say yes, but realized he was being silly and it would be easier with two people. After all, John was really sick and they needed to focus on him. But Dave insisted he take the buckle and zipper part and Julia could pull from the bottom. They had them off quickly, leaving John in just his boxers. When Dave moved to pick up the drawstring pants, Julia stopped him again.

"We should probably try and cool his legs at least once before we put those on."

Dave had to agree and allowed her to run the cloth up and down John's legs before they pulled on the cotton scrubs. Dave continued to provide fresh, cool water while Julia worked the face cloth over John's head and chest.

Mostly John was still, but every now and then he'd turn his head or moan or mumble something unintelligible. At one point, when she had the cloth going over his forehead, she pushed back his hair and said softly, "You'll be all right, John."

He opened his eyes slightly, even though his gaze was still unfocused. He lifted his hand to touch Julia's arm and whispered, "Teyla."

His face turned serene and a tiny smile played on his lips. Julia looked at Dave sadly knowing that smile was intended for someone who wasn't here.

Dave pointed to the dresser near Julia's right elbow and pointed out, "That's Teyla … and Torren.

Julia stopped bathing John long enough to pick up both pictures and study them She was surprised that the woman was dressed in fatigues and carrying a weapon but then Dave had said she worked on the base with them. I guess she'd need to protect herself as much as anyone else if they were near the front lines.

"She's beautiful!" Julia proclaimed. "She must be something if she can handle that weapon."

Dave smiled and recalled, "John called her a feisty little warrior. Apparently they spar and she beats the crap out of him." Dave shook his head in wonder. "He doesn't seem to mind though."

Julia smiled down at the man on the bed. "If he feels about her the way you think he does, he'd be proud of her ability and spirit."

Dave nodded in agreement. Julia now looked at the picture of John and the little boy. "There isn't any way they could come stay here?"

"I offered. I think Teyla was tempted, but she said she had too many responsibilities there right now."

"Mr. Sheppard, so what's going on?" boomed the jovial voice of Dr. Turner. "Got a call saying your brother needed some assistance."

"Dr. Turner," Dave greeted, pleased he had gotten the head honcho himself to come in. "Thank you for coming. John's running a high fever and he's been coughing all day. Right now, he's pretty out of it."

Dr. Turner motioned for the nurse who'd followed him in and said, "Let's take a look, shall we?'

The nurse inserted something into John's ear while Turner took his pulse.

"It's 102.3," The nurse stated and Dr. Turner put his stethoscope on John's chest. He moved the dog tags out of the way and placed the instrument on several locations. He looked at the nurse again and instructed, "Help me sit him up for a second so I can listen to his back."

John's eyes opened briefly when he was moved then he was settled back against the bed. Turner straightened back up and addressed Dave. "I'm afraid your brother's got pneumonia. I'll get him started right away on some antibiotics and some saline solution so he doesn't dehydrate." He motioned again to the nurse and she left.

John opened his eyes again slightly when Turner continued his examination. Julia noticed and took his hand. "By the way, John," she said sweetly, "You're not fine. You've got pneumonia. But the doc here's going to fix you up. You just need to make sure you rest, okay."

"Okay," John replied quietly and his eyes fluttered closed again.

Turner gave them more information on John's condition and course of treatment then asked if they had any questions.

"Yeah," Dave grumbled, "I'm wondering why there's no private nurse in here when I specifically requested one?"

Turner put on a pleasant smile and placated, "We did have a nurse here the first week throughout the day and night, but we've found he doesn't really need one all night. He's usually asleep by seven pm if not earlier. The hall nurses are more than happy to check in on him but he rarely needs anything. He's been an ideal patient. If you really feel the need to pay for a nurse to sit here all evening and through the night, I will be more than happy to set that up again. It's your decision."

Dave looked somewhat indignant but also thoughtful. He did hate the idea of paying someone to just sit here while John slept. He looked at Turner and began, "Well, I um, I'm uh…"

"A pain in the ass," came a gravelly voice from on the bed. They all looked down and saw John's eyes half open and his lips turned up in a grin.

Julia squeezed his hand and chuckled but Dave only grumbled, "The thanks I get."

Right then the nurse reentered carrying a tray of supplies. She and Turner spent the next few minutes hooking up and inserting the IV's into John's hand.

When they finished, Turner looked at Dave and offered, "I'll make sure someone checks on him every half hour. Unfortunately we're understaffed tonight due to the flu, but we'll do the best we can. Hopefully once this kicks in, "he motioned to the IV bags, "he'll start feeling a little better. Although I wouldn't be surprised if that fever gets a little higher before it breaks. But we'll keep an eye on it."

"We're going to stay for a little while, too," Julia commented and got a surprised look from Dave. But the look of approval he also threw back made her glad she'd given the offer.

After the doctor and nurse left, Julia started cooling John down again with the facecloth. Dave clicked on the TV and settled in a chair to watch some news show, refilling the basin whenever Julia asked. A nurse had dutifully come in every half hour to check John's IV and take his vitals including his temperature.

Dave started to get even more worried when John's temperature continued to rise. As it did, John became more and more disoriented. His mutterings became more frequent and his dreams troubled. He was thrashing about a bit more so Dave shut off the TV and sat on the edge of the bed trying to calm him down. Julia was on the other side of the bed still moving the wet cloth around.

When John's face contorted in pain and he cried out angrily, "Kolya!" Julia looked alarmed but Dave reached over, took her hand and explained. "He's dreaming. His team told me about this guy, Kolya. He tried to take over the base and John stopped him, like John McLain in Die Hard."

Julia looked down at the weakened man who had momentarily stopped thrashing, finding it hard to believe he could kill anyone. "How many did he…?" she let the question drop off.

Dave tried to gauge his fiancée's reaction when he said, "McKay said over sixty in all."

Her eyes widened in disbelief so Dave defended, "He did what he had to do to keep the base from being forcibly taken. But this Kolya was pretty pissed at John."

"So he got away?" Julia clarified.

"Yeah," Dave answered sadly, "and then a year or so later he captured John and tortured him. And then he sent videos each time to make them watch. No one actually said how, but they all seemed pretty upset about it. I didn't dare ask. I'm not sure I want to know what he did to my brother."

Dave held onto John's hand hoping John knew he was here.

Julia asked, "So did they rescue him or did this Kolya let him go?"

"Ronon said that John escaped. He seemed pretty impressed by it."

John moved a few more times and they both looked down to see his eyes wide open, his face contorted in pain, and those eyes filled with fear. They both started murmuring assurances, touching his arm or holding his hand. His face continued to show pain and fear for far too long.

When Julia pushed John's hair off his forehead and moved her fingers along his head, he seemed to calm down somewhat, so she continued. His eyelids started to lower and again he whispered, "Teyla."

Julia's eyes met Dave's and she felt tears mass in the corners. This poor man had been through so much. He'd been basically estranged from his family for years, lived in what she assumed was a war zone for the past six years. He was separated from his closest, dearest friends, paralyzed and sent to live among people twenty or thirty years older than him. And now here he was delirious, reliving what were probably horrendous moments of his life.

Dave reached his free hand across John's chest and took Julia's hand. "I'm sorry you had to do this with me tonight. It really wasn't what I had in mind after I took you to dinner."

Julia's eyes twinkled as she inquired, "Really, what did you have in mind?"

Dave smirked and looked like he was about to say something, then stopped himself. He gazed at his brother and grinned, "I can't really say with my brother lying here between us."

"Coward!" Julia chuckled.

John let out a small whimper and they both looked down at him. But he made very little noise after that and Julia realized he didn't seem as warm as he had been. When the nurse next came in, she confirmed that indeed John's temperature was coming down. They both breathed a sigh of relief and Dave looked at his watch.

"It's almost eleven. You need to get home. Any way you could just drive yourself home in my car? I think I'll stay here just to make sure he's actually getting better."

Julia walked around the side of the bed Dave was on and rubbed his shoulders as she stood behind him. "If I didn't have a really huge meeting in the morning, I'd stay with you. You're a good brother, you know. John's lucky to have you."

"I don't think John would have always agreed with you," Dave said. "I know I wouldn't have for many years."

Julia leaned down and kissed Dave then moved to give John a kiss on his forehead. "I expect a phone call tomorrow telling me how he is. And how exactly are you planning on getting home?"

"I can take a cab or get one of the driver's from work to come get me. Here are the keys; I'll get the car from you when I can."

He took her in his arms and held her close for a minute. "Thank you for everything you've done tonight. It means a lot to me."

"It was my pleasure," Julia smiled and pressed her lips to his. "Please let John know I'm thinking of him. If there's anything I can do, just call."

"Actually," Dave began thoughtfully, "It might be a good idea to not really mention all that we did for John tonight. I'm not sure how much he'll remember but he's a fairly proud man and I don't imagine he'd be real happy with the," he pointed to the basin, "sponge bath you gave him."

Julia smiled her understanding. She gave him a final kiss and left the room.

Dave checked John's skin again and it was much cooler than it had been all night. He pulled the sheet and blanket up over John's bare torso realizing he'd never get the top on now with the IV attached to his hand.

He pulled the chair over near the bed, propped his feet on the edge and leaned his head against the back of the chair. He knew he had a million important things scheduled for tomorrow but looking at John lying still and pale on the bed, he felt there were some things that were more important.

.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

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"Your Colonel had a rough day yesterday," Lisa heard from Polly, one of the weekend night nurses, as soon as she walked on the floor.

Lisa's eyes narrowed in concern and puzzlement but before she could say anything she heard Helen ask, "What happened?" as she came up from behind.

Polly answered, "He's got pneumonia and he spiked a pretty high fever throughout the night."

Lisa grabbed his chart and started looking at everything that had been recorded. Helen peered over her shoulder and asked, "Has a doctor been in?"

Lisa pointed to the chart and showed Helen. "It says here Dr. Turner came in around eight and started him on some IV's."

Polly grimace, "Yeah, the brother was visiting when the Colonel started getting really sick and he wasn't very happy about the lack of nurses here. He's the one who insisted on the doctor coming in."

"Well, it's a good thing he did. His temp got awfully high at times," Lisa pointed out.

"The brother and his fiancée ended up doing most of the work to cool the Colonel down," Polly supplied. "It was really short staffed here last night and more than half of the patients have the flu and were very demanding."

Helen tilted her head questioningly, "I assume the Colonel continued his tradition of not wanting to be fussed over."

Polly shrugged and supplied, "I only got here at midnight and he's been sound asleep since then but Michelle told me he was fairly delirious for the few hours his temp was spiked."

Polly moved closer to the others and looked around as if checking for eavesdroppers, "She also told me she heard the brother telling his fiancée that the Colonel was muttering the name of some guy that had captured and tortured him."

A few indrawn breaths escaped into the air but Helen straightened up and directed, "Okay, we've all got work to do. The poor man doesn't need us gossiping about him. I think I'll go check on him myself right now."

Polly looked chagrined but added, "Just don't let Gina go in there."

Gina had been catching up on paperwork quietly throughout the chatter, but now spoke up, "Why not?"

Polly grinned, "They had to continue sponging him down after the IV was set up, so he's got no top on right now. And he sure doesn't look like most of our other patients."

Gina's eyes lit up and she accused, "You are such a tease. But he's just a patient. A very gorgeous patient, but just a patient."

Lisa just shook her head and touched Helen on the arm, "Let's go see how he is."

As they walked down the hall, they heard Polly call after them, "The brother's still in there."

Lisa went through the door first and immediately started adjusting the sheets back onto the Colonel. The bathroom door opened and Dave Sheppard walked out bleary eyed and hair sticking up. She was used to this from the brother in the bed but not from this oh-so-proper one.

Dave looked up and sighed, "Lisa, I'm glad you're here. It's been a rough night."

"We just got filled in on his condition," she replied as Helen checked his IV and took his temperature.

"It's still slightly over 100 but that's much better than it was last night," Helen said. "You look like you slept in a chair." She laughed as she took note of the chair right up next to the bed. "Why don't you head home and get some rest. Lisa's here now and I plan on keeping an eye on my favorite patient today, too."

Dave ran his hand over his eyes and tried to stifle a yawn. "I just called someone to come get me. It'll be at least twenty minutes before they get here." He looked at his watch. "I need to make a few calls in the meantime."

He turned and walked over to the window and talked to someone about cancelling all his morning appointments. Helen and Lisa worked quickly together to change the sheets, then Helen left saying she'd make sure she cancelled all his therapies today.

Lisa moved around the room tidying up and checking supplies then Dave got off the phone and faced her. "I need to get some sleep before I head to the office this afternoon but please, here," and handed a business card to Lisa and finished, "This has my cell phone number on it as well. If John starts to get worse again, please don't hesitate to call me."

Lisa nodded and Dave left the room. She checked the Colonel's vitals again and noticed his eyes were starting to open.

"Hey," she exclaimed, "I heard you were a little bit of trouble this weekend. Are you feeling any better?"

John opened his eyes and focused on Lisa. Why was she here? She only worked on weekends. It couldn't be Monday already, could it? He tried to remember and vague images flitted through his mind. Dave and Julia and wedding plans. Julia joking about Dave's hairy chest. Being hot, really hot. Someone talking to him in a calming voice. Was it Teyla? No, it couldn't have been. She wasn't here. So, obviously the images of Kolya and Todd weren't real either. So who'd changed his clothes? And run the cold facecloth over his face, neck and chest? He remembered that. Had it been Julia? God, he hoped not. That wouldn't be too embarrassing the first time you met someone.

But he felt like he'd been run over by a truck and he could barely keep his eyes open. He did open them long enough to look at Lisa and whisper, "Hi."

Lisa gave him a huge smile and greeted, "Hi, yourself. You seem pretty wiped, Colonel. I think we'll have a fairly calm day and not worry about your therapies. So you can just close your eyes and go back to sleep. I'll be right here if you need me, okay?"

John smiled back and closed his eyes. Lisa looked at the sleeping man, glad he was getting some rest. She thought he was just about the nicest, most easy-going patient she'd ever had.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxox