AN: so hear is the next chapter of this story and I'm really, really sorry that I didn't update any sooner, as I said that I would but I have been kind of busy.
Thanks for the reviews.
Xdeathglarex: here is a part of the talk that they are having, the next couple of chapters is also a bit of that, and as you can see here is an update.
Vero: thank you and the first part of the meeting went pretty good but as they also said Houston we have a problem…
Clepter: here is and update and I hope that you like this one too.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you can relate to the O.C but that you already knew right?
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Chapter 4 Talking is a good thing, right?
This meant that I was going to have conversation with the girl that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since she left me. The worst part of all of this is that she isn't the one to blame at all. Everything that happened was my fault, and that is the worst part for me. I was used to put the blame on someone else but in this case there were no one else I could blame, at first I tried to blame Ryan, even Summer and Seth but it didn't work. When I tried to blame my mother and that didn't work I knew that I was to blame, I had been afraid for what I was feeling, everything was so new and Alex had done everything right she had never pushed or anything like that to come out to anyone. Sure she told me that it wasn't good to keep it inside and that I should tell at least Summer so that I had someone that I could talk to.
And here I was sitting at a coffee place drinking coffee with her so that we could talk about what really happened between us and maybe just maybe we can move on from them and be friends again, we were friends before we started and date. And the truth is that Alex was one of her best friends and somehow she understood me better than I understood myself sometimes, she was just able to put words on the emotions that I had inside of me, sometimes even before I myself knew it.
"Rissa?" She said and she was looking at me with those eyes and she made me feel alive again, I don't know how she did it but she somehow had managed to do it, and I do think that everyone would be happy about that.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that I kind of spaced out at the moment."
"I kind of figured that, so if you don't mind me asking, what were you thinking about?"
"I was kind of thinking about all that happened after you left and all the things that lead up to our break up."
"Oh. I guess that it wasn't that nice to think about or at least the break up part."
"If I should be honest with you that is the better part of it all, nothing that happened after that had been good." I was really honest about that but at the same time I couldn't tell her what had happened it was so much and I just wanted to forget about it all but I knew that I had to tell her sooner or later I was just hoping that it wouldn't come up to soon.
"That was something that I didn't expect to hear." Alex said and I could see on her that she hadn't expected that from me, especially since or break up was one of the ugliest that I have ever expected, not even the one with Luke or the one with Volchok had been that bad. The one with Luke hadn't been that bad the worst part was actually after the whole break up, when I found out that he was sleeping with my mother.
"I understand that, but there is something that you need to know and whatever you do don't blame yourself. There is actually only one person to blame in all of this and I'll tell you at the end who that person is."
"Okay but I gotta be honest with you what you are telling me right know is kind of scary."
"If this is scary then I probably shouldn't tell you all that happened after you left but at the same time you need to hear it from me and not someone else. Just so that I can explain." I said and I myself was kind of sacred telling her what had happened.
"Okay, so why don't you begin to tell me your story and after that I can tell you what happened to me and if you feel like it is too much for you to hear my story after we can take it some other time, okay?"
"That sounds great. So I maybe I should begin." I just started to tell her all that happened to me. I started with the break up. "You remember our break up and that is the nicest part of all of this and I think that says a lot." All she did was nodding to let me know that she was following me. "After that I got back together with Ryan, but I kind of realized that that was a mistake and that he was some kind of safety net. But we were together for awhile but then his brother came back." I said and this was one of the hardest parts to tell someone, it was the last drop that made my glass to run over the edge. "Something happened with Ryans' brother on night when the both of us had a bit too much to drink; well it wasn't just alcohol there were some drugs also, that were involved. So the two of us were at the beach…" it was just so hard for me to tell her this it has always been hard for me to talk about this part.
"Rissa, if this is as hard as I think it is for you to talk about this you don't have to tell me. I would understand." I can't believe this, why is she so understanding still, she is just so amazing.
"It is hard but I really need to tell you this cause this is a main thing to lead up to some other things."
"Okay, so you decide when you think that you are ready to tell me." She said and she took my hand and gave it a squeeze and that was the one thing that was reassuring that she wouldn't pressure me to say anything and that I could take my time.
"That night, is one of the worst in my life. He tried to…" And yet again my voice failed me but I wanted to tell her so bad and she could read that from my face, so the only thing that she could do at that moment was to move from sitting in front of me she moved herself so that she sat beside me, and gave a hug, but she didn't say anything. "He, he, tried to force himself on me." That was the one thing that I could say I couldn't say that other word out loud, I have never been able to say it out loud. When she heard that she couldn't help but to give me a hug and I just clung to her and I didn't want to let her go but after awhile she kind of broke herself free from me.
"I'm sorry to hear that, and you don't have to tell me anything more but at the same time I just wonder where Ryan was at that moment."
"He and Seth were in Florida at that time." I said and tears were rolling down my cheeks I never thought that it would be this hard to tell someone that you cared about this part of the story.
"Okay, I don't think that you need to tell me more about this right know. I think that it might be a better idea if we continue this later. Maybe tomorrow." She said and she looked at me just to see if that was what I wanted, but I knew that I had to tell her my whole story right now or otherwise I won't be able to tell her the rest.
"I need to tell you all that happened now or I won't be able to finish this." I told her that because that was the truth and I wanted her to hear it from me and I wanted to be able to tell her the truth.
"Okay, but I still want you to take your time."
"I understand that but right know I want to tell you what happened next." I told her that and I continued my story. "At the end of the summer, when Ryan had figured out what happened he and his brother had this huge fight and I was there, and then Trey, Ryans' brother tried to strangle him and that was when it happened I knew that I had to do something." I said and I had to take a break to take a breath or two. "So there was this gun there and I kind of shot Trey. That kind of lead to me being expelled from Harbor, but somehow I'm not sure on how I got back in to Harbor."
"It must have been nice to be back at a school where you know people."
"It was nice to be back but everyone was looking at me strange like I was going to take a gun out and shot them."
"Oh, but you got to admit that it was kind of fun. Marissa Cooper gangster." She said and began to laugh, God I have missed that laugh.
"Well maybe that is funny" I said and smiled. "Okay but I need to tell you more of this story, after this whole thing with Trey I kind of got a little messed up."
"Messed up, little you? As far as I remember you were a little messed up before that."
"Fine. A lot of messed up, I kind of began to drink more just so that I could numb the pain that I felt. But that didn't really work, I tried to drink even more but I didn't help. So there was this one night when I was sitting on the beach at one of the lifeguard towers, this guy came by, Volchok and he saw what I looked like and he kind of told me that he knew how I could feel better."
"Rissa, please tell me that you didn't get involved with that guy, I knew him once and he isn't exactly good news." She said and I could see that tears were forming in her eyes.
"Alex I really wish that I could, but when he told me that he could help me numb the pain that I felt I just wanted to try it. Anything to make me feel better, so that night was the first night that I tried coke and it didn't take that long for me to feel like I needed more." And at this point tears were streaming down Alexs' cheeks and I could tell that she was kind of disappointed in me, I was it to, if there were one thing that I never thought I would do was to use coke. "I'm really sorry about that, but I managed to get of that, and that is something that I'm grateful for. It was actually Kirsten that helped me with that. She told me what she had done to help her trough her alcoholism. She understood was I was going through."
"I didn't know that she had a problem with alcohol. I hope that she is doing better."
"As far as I know she is. But then I had to break it off with Volchok and that wasn't easy but I did do that eventually, and after that it was graduation and on the night of graduation I flew out here. And now I'm sailing around the world with my dad for a year before college."
"That was lot that you have been trough for the last one and half years."
"You are right but there is one more thing that I wanted to tell you and that is that I know that I'm the one to blame for our break up. I was afraid; I kind of felt things that I have never felt before and I didn't know what to do. So I took the easy way out, which is something that I have learned from my parents. And I know that I can't go back and change what happened but I hope that we still can be friends. So now I've told you what happened to me so it would be nice if you told me what you did to."
"What can I say, nothing like that but I think that we should be heading back. You had quite the story to tell but I would love to tell you. We could do this tomorrow to, just so that I can process this and maybe so that you also can do that." She said to me and somehow that sounded like a good idea.
"Sure but could you take me back to my dads' if that not too much trouble for you."
"That wouldn't be a problem; he kind of told me that I could stay in his guesthouse while we are here."
"Great, so let's go and by the way tomorrow maybe we could be at the beach, when we talk." I said and I thought that it was a good idea.
"That sounds nice so tomorrow around noon outside the main house. Just so that we could go to the beach together."
"Sure." And with that we were on the way back to my dads' house this was great, maybe just maybe this could really work. But we still had a lot to talk about and who knows it might be a good thing.
AN: okay so this was the next part and I hope that you all liked it. I'm not sure on when I'm updating next time but I hope that it will be during this week I just need to find some time to write and if I don't update when I hope, Happy Holidays.
Please leave a review it can be my Christmas present.
~Jo