AN: Hi! This is my first Hetalia fic and it probably won't be very long, but yeah. Enjoy and review if you like, so I know that I should write more! It will be AU and very crack-ish. I decided that I would go with Vanya as FemRussia's name even though it is a diminutive of Ivan, it's so pretty sounding, da?

Dee Elle: Thanks for reviewing! You were the only one and that kind of makes me sad, but one fan is better than none! So, I shall continue for you! Go You! i guess you like America/Russia pairings, da? That's cool, so do I! So, they will end up together! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Lars=Netherlands/Holland

Mathis=Denmark

Nikolov=Genderbended Natalia

Summary: Lars falls in love with Alfred's wife.

Chapter 2

"Mmm Lars, come here." A smooth voice whispered. She beckoned me over with a curl of her finger and I walked over obediently. Her hands rose and tangled in my hair, before falling to my shoulders. She massaged the muscles of my neck while she sucked on an ear lobe, ripping a low groan from me. She chuckled and abandoned my neck.

Slim, pale fingers skimmed down my clothed torso, only to hook in the hem and pull the shirt off. Moist, soft lips latched onto mine and a greedy tongue forced its way in my mouth. My hands found their way underneath a grey sweater and met warm, soft skin. She nipped my lip and pulled away, only to pull of all her clothes.

She slithered downwards, hands groping at well-formed abs, muscular back, and finally hard thighs.

I groaned in want.

Her hands were nimble as they unbuttoned my jeans and then pulled down the zipper. My pants and boxers were yanked down and a warm mouth took me in at the same time. I was vaguely aware that the moans bouncing off the walls were my own but I felt too good to care about the volume. My fingers found their way into silky hair and my knees almost collapsed under me when I felt her throat constricting around me.

I was getting close to completion when abruptly she pulled away.

"None of that now, I'm not finished with you yet." I couldn't get enough of that sexy accent and then her lips were back on mine and we were groping at each other. We slowly made our way to the bed, still connected at the lips. I fell backwards when my knees collided with the edge of the bed and she moved to straddle me.

I groaned at the sight. Her lips met mine in a sweet kiss and I felt my heart start to pound harder. It wasn't greedy and demanding like the others and she let me explore her mouth for a moment before straightening up. She hovered above me, ready to impale herself when a devious smirk formed on her lips.

"Get ready, любимая."

"HEY LARS! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" I shot up in my bed and looked around, groaning when I realized that it was all just a dream. I glared at the door and my still sleeping roommate.

"LARS! HURRY UP MAN!"

"Mathis, stop being a pain in my ass!" I said back, getting up only to realize that I still had an erection. "Dude, come back later, I gotta take a shower!"

"…OH LARS HAD A NASTY DREAM! I BET I KNOW WHO IT WAS ABOUT!" Mathis yelled, while snickering obnoxiously.

"Oh grow up!" I growled out as I headed to the in-suite bathroom. I slammed the door as Mathis started another round of taunting. "Ass." I muttered, turning on the shower and shedding my clothes. "I hate cold showers."

Meanwhile~

"Alfred!" The blonde snored on, irritating the woman lying next to him. She had been woken up by the squabbling between Mathis and Lars.

"Alfred!" She hissed again. He snorted in his sleep before mumbling incoherently.

"Alfred!" She shook his shoulder.

"Five more minutes mom." He mumbled before shifting. She groaned in irritation before getting an idea. She placed her hands on his shoulder and her feet on his hip and shoved him off the bed. He landed with a hard thud.

"AHHH! Wha? Whassgoinon?" He looked around before his eyes landed on the woman smirking triumphantly on his bed. He frowned before taking a hold of the sheets and yanking on them with his considerable strength. She screeched as she soon joined him on the floor, landing on his lap. They glared at each other for a moment before Alfred broke the silence.

"What are you doing in my bed, Vanya?"

"What do you mean? You are one who told me that I could sleep here because you would be out partying. You came back drunk and started feeling me up!" He took in her attire and realized that she was wearing his sweater from last night and a pair of his boxers. He lifted up the blanket and noticed that he was completely naked. He shrugged and went to get back on the bed, taking the squawking woman with him, simply because she was on top of him.

"I don't recall you protesting, in fact, if I recall correctly, you were telling me to go 'faster!', 'harder!', 'C'mon, stupid American! I'm not done yet!'" Vanya scowled and fought him for a moment when he went to pull her down to lay next to him.

"Well, you started it! 'Oh, c'mere, baby. Your so sexy!' You sounded desperate! I pitied you." She growled as he wrapped an arm around her and she gave in, placing her head on his shoulder. He snorted in response.

"Must have been if I ended up sleeping with you last night." He murmured, earning a painful pinch on his chest. "OW! Hey, I was just kidding jeeze!"

"You keep saying I am ugly and yet you still have sex with me. You are crazy, American."

"Maybe I just call you ugly to piss you off. Seems to work quite well, crazy Commie." She pinched his nipple and twisted, causing a half-pain half-pleasure filled moan to escape his mouth.

"You are crazy masochist, stupid American and do not call me Communist." Alfred gripped her head and kissed her roughly on the lips for a moment before pulling away.

"You're a sadistic, bitch aren't ya?" He rolled over on top of her and bit at her neck.

With Lars~

Lars grumbled as he pulled on his clothes. It was already late so he might as well get ready to go to practice. After finishing with his bathroom routine, he gathered his things and opened the door only to be met with a loud feminine moan. He looked up and over to Alfred's side of the room and scowled.

'I hate when he brings girls back to our room!' What he saw made him drop all of his things and stare in unabashed shock, blood spurting from his nose. A moment later his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

Across the room~

"Why did you stop?" Alfred whined. Vanya smacked him across the face before scrambling off of him and pulling his sweater and boxers back on.

"I cannot believe I forgot he was in there." She mumbled as she retreated under the covers, turning her back on a frustrated Alfred, who groaned in annoyance. He reached into his bag on the ground and pulled out a pair of sweats. He tugged them on and got out of bed, grumbling the whole way. He walked over to the unconscious form of his roommate and nudged him awake with his foot, half tempted to kick his head just for interrupting them.

"Uhn…stop it." Lars groaned, swatting his hand at Alfred's foot.

"No way man, you totally deserve it."

"Please tell me you weren't having sex with Vanya."

"I would say I'm sorry but I'm kind of pissed at you right now." Lars stumbled to his feet and glared at Alfred.

"I thought you didn't like her." He grumbled unhappily, picking up his stuff. Alfred shrugged and scratched his head.

"Sex is sex, regardless if it is with a crazy, commie, bitch." There was a loud thunk and Alfred yelped as a high-heeled boot hit him in the head.

"I told you, I am not commie!" Lars snickered as Alfred flipped her off only to get hit with the other boot. "Stupid American!" Lars couldn't help but think she was even more beautiful when she was angry.

"HEY! LARS, ARE YOU READY TO GO NOW! IF YOU AREN'T I'M LEAVING WITHOUT YOU AND YOU'LL HAVE TO EAT BY YOURSELF AND THEN GO TO PRACTICE ALONE!" Mathis screamed from the other side of the door. Vanya leaped out of bed and threw the door open.

"Why do you yell so loudly! You wake people up with your big, dumb mouth!" Mathis grinned and Alfred face palmed, knowing that the tall blonde was about to say something stupid.

"Well, hello to you too, pretty lady! Have you reconsidered my offer from yesterday?" She growled and smacked him across the face.

"I do not want to have sex with you! Not yesterday, not now, not tomorrow, not EVER!" Mathis did not seem bothered by the smack to the face, actually seemed more excited by it.

"And yet, you'll sleep with Alfred? What does he have that I don't?" Vanya roared in anger before picking up Alfred's hockey stick and bashing it over Mathis' head, knocking him unconscious.

"Ублюдок! Вы хуже, чем тупые американские! Я убью тебя сейчас!" (Bastard! You're worse than stupid American! I'll kill you! [I think?]) She brought the hockey stick up over her head but Alfred managed to restrain her before she did any more damage. She was still swinging the stick around, but she was working on hitting Alfred instead.

"Calm down ya crazy woman!" He managed to restrain her easily enough but avoiding his own hockey stick was proving to be very difficult.

"Put me down! I'll kill you too!" She growled in response.

"Lars! Stop standing there like a lump and grab the frickin stick before she kills me!" Alfred yelled at a very dazed Dutchman.

'…I can see up her shorts…' He did not feel obligated to move that point in time.

After a few moments, the fight was broken up by Arthur, who had barged in and grabbed the hockey stick. Vanya calmed down enough that Alfred sat her back on the bed and Arthur proceeded to give them a boring lecture on inappropriate behavior.

"Ah c'mon Arthur! We're gonna miss lunch! Plus, I really think we should get Mathis to the hospital, she hit him pretty hard, not to mention Lars hasn't moved from that spot in the past ten minutes and I really don't think it is healthy to lose that much blood." Arthur rolled his eyes at the situation and pulled out his mobile phone, most likely to call the team doctors.

"Get dressed Alfred, you still have practice to attend. And Vanya…ehh, do what you want?" He finished quickly at the deadly glare sent his way.

"I am going back to sleep." She shoved Alfred away and climbed into bed, snuggling under the covers.

Later~

"Alfred…" Alfred looked up from tying his hockey skates to see Mathis leaning on the lockers next to his.

"Yeah?"

"Your new wife is insane." Alfred sighed and stood up, finished with his skates. He grabbed his stick and followed Mathis out of the locker room.

"I know…"

Well, that is it for now! And considering only one person voted, it'll be AlfredXVanya, so yeah...enjoy! reviews are great!

Yeah, there might be a lot of typos considering I was kind of plastered when I wrote some of this..heh heh...yeah...

...I love beer X3

Peace!