xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox
.
.
"Just keep a close eye on him today, huh?" Dave asked Lisa when he dropped John off in the morning.
Lisa looked curious so Dave explained, "It was pretty rough when Teyla and T.J. left yesterday, mostly because T.J. did not go willingly. I had to carry him kicking and screaming onto the plane crying for John." Dave let out a huge sigh.
"That must have killed him," Lisa sympathized. "How did he handle it?"
Dave sighed again and snorted, "Well, he got home and sucked down a six-pack in under an hour. That tell you how he felt?"
"Understandable. I'll stay close," Lisa replied.
"And call my cell if there are any problems," Dave added.
Lisa nodded her promise and headed off to the OT therapy room where John had gone a few minutes ago. He'd done so well they'd cut his OT down to just twice a week as well as speech down to once a week. Lisa figured he'd be just about done with them soon.
She tried to strike up a conversation several times throughout the day but John simply gave her the shortest answer possible and continued his therapy.
John ate in the rec room but avoided everyone else and barely touched his food. The first and only spark of life came when Gertrude rolled over and showed him yesterday's paper.
"Look, you were in the paper, along with that pretty wife and cute little boy you have. Looks like you had fun."
There were half a dozen pictures of the PSI egg hunt in the Living Section. One of Dave and Torren posed to ring the bell to start the hunt and a close up of just Torren crouching in the grass to pick up an egg. There were several of different groups of children running through the field and one of Torren in John's lap, showing him an egg, with Teyla looking on, smiling.
The caption on the first one listed David Sheppard, president and CEO of PSI and his nephew Torren John (T.J.), while the last explained how T.J. was showing his parents, Teyla and Colonel John Sheppard, his hunting conquests.
John knew the papers had gotten the relationship wrong, probably because T.J. had called Dave, 'Uncle Dave'. But he honestly didn't care. He just missed them already and wondered if they'd arrived safely back in Atlantis. He figured it could be another week before another wormhole was opened to get e-mails back through.
Gertrude looked at John and pointed to the pictures of Torren and asked, "Did he have fun?"
John couldn't help the tiny smile that came to his face at the thought of T.J. "Yeah, he loved it."
"Where are they today?"
"They went home," John said and thought he might choke when he had to repeat it louder so Gertie could hear him. He looked around and realized many people were looking at him. He nodded at Gert and rolled out of the room, unable to bare the looks of pity from most of the faces in there.
He headed for the gym, right to the weights to pump out some frustration. He may have put no effort into his conversation skills today but Lisa noticed he put double effort into his physical therapies.
When Dave and Julia showed up a little after three o'clock, Lisa met them outside the rec room door.
"How was he?" Dave asked concerned.
"Very quiet," Lisa answered. "He barely said a word. Even Helen couldn't tease him into talking. But Josh was pretty impressed with what he managed today. He stayed standing for almost a minute and he was putting quite a bit of weight on his legs."
Julia smiled. "Teyla helped him practice a lot this weekend. I think they just liked holding onto each other."
Dave chuckled and nodded in agreement.
"Did they have a good weekend, though?" Lisa questioned.
"They had a great time!" Julia confirmed. "The change in John's whole outlook was amazing."
Dave agreed. "I will admit it was nice seeing that old spark back in him."
"It's too bad they had to leave so soon," Lisa commented. "There was no way they could stay any longer, huh?"
"No, believe me, John tried," Dave said. "Red tape and all."
"Hopefully he'll start feeling better soon," Lisa said. "Dr. Lambert tried to talk to him a few time today and got completely shut down. Maybe in another few days."
Julia's eyes filled with sorrow. "Yeah, maybe once the memories start to fade of T.J. screaming for him as Dave carried him on the plane. And then when he yelled 'I love you' right before going in, I thought John was going to fall out of his chair. He actually put his hand up to his chest like someone had just stabbed him in the heart."
"After a few beers last night," Dave confided, "he told me he thought T.J. had ripped it right out."
Julia's eyes started to mist and she put her hands on Dave's arm. "Let's get him and bring him home."
They moved to the door and looked in to find John at the piano moving his fingers along the keys. Dave's smile was melancholy when he realized the song was 'Leaving on a Jet Plane'.
Julia walked right over to John, wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and kissed his cheek. "Hi honey, we came to take you home."
John looked up as Julia stepped back and returned the greeting. "Dave got steak for the grill tonight," Julia told him. "Hope you're hungry."
John looked at his watch, narrowed his eyes and gave a crooked grin. "Dave leaves work early and offers steak. He must have really thought I'd do something stupid again, huh?"
"Or just Julia and I can have the steak," Dave threatened, "I'm sure there's a can of Spaghettio's somewhere in the back of the cabinet."
John just made a face and Julia grabbed the handles of his chair to move them toward the door. When they got near Lisa, who was filling out some paperwork, John stopped them and said, "I'll try and be a little more sociable tomorrow but … no promises."
Lisa gave a wide smile, "You're here to get better, Colonel, not entertain the nurses, so don't worry about it. Have a good night and I'll see you in the morning."
The ride home was quiet and the steaks good, even though Dave didn't think John ate anywhere near as much as he should have.
He told John that he'd had a talk with Ian during the day and the man was practically on his knees begging for another chance. John actually smirked at that and wished he had been a fly on the wall.
John spent some time in the pool working on the 'useless' muscles in his legs as he called them and then went straight to his room. When Dave checked on him a half hour later, he was already out cold.
.
.
xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo
.
"Did he finally go to sleep?" Jennifer asked Teyla as she entered her friend's quarters.
"Yes, finally," Teyla sighed. "I made a separate compilation for Torren and put the laptop next to his bed. It runs for almost an hour and has John singing several songs as well as reading Torren seven or eight stories. I am so thankful I thought to bring the recorder and even more thankful that I actually used it. I have several hours of recordings to choose from."
Jennifer settled on the sofa next to Teyla in her new, very large living room and requested, "Okay, you need to tell me everything. Rodney and Ronon will be here in about thirty minutes so you have to fill me in on all the good stuff before they get here."
"The good stuff?" Teyla chuckled.
"Yes!" Jennifer insisted. "First, you told him, right?"
"About Kanaan and I? Yes, I did."
Jennifer's eyes almost popped out of her head. "What did he do? What did he say?"
Teyla gave a coy little smile. "He was very concerned for my emotional well-being, and quite angry when I gave him all the information. It is a good thing for Kanaan that they are not in the same galaxy."
"A bit overprotective of you, huh?"
Teyla's eyes grew soft. "He pulled me in close and held me for quite some time after. He was upset and sorry that I had been hurt. It was very nice but also very strange. John was different in some ways. I am not sure why, perhaps the seriousness of his injury or the fact that we were not on Atlantis. He was often playful and at times I would say, almost suggestive."
"Really? So did he kiss you … or you know …anything more?"
Teyla glared at her friend. "No, aside from a kiss on the cheek when I left. However I sensed some very strong feelings in him."
"So you connected with him while you were there?" Jennifer grinned.
"Our last night together, he wanted me to know how he felt but admitted to being very poor at communicating those feelings."
"Wait!" Jennifer stopped her. "He knew you could …?"
"Yes," Teyla said then explained how Julia had 'found her out'. "His feelings were very conflicted. I sensed great longing and desire in him but also a confusion as to how he should proceed in our relationship."
"At least it sounds like he's admitting there is a relationship." Jennifer commented.
"The last night," Teyla murmured dreamily, "We fell asleep on the couch wrapped in each other's arms. It was … wonderful!"
Jennifer closed her eyes and drew in a deep sigh. She leaned forward and hugged Teyla. "See honey, things will work out."
Teyla's eyes got a moist sheen to them. "Except that it will most likely be close to four months before I am able to see him again."
"Why four months?"
"I have been invited to David and Julia's wedding."
Jennifer smiled and Teyla gave her more details about her trip specifically mentioning the hot tub incident and helping John get dressed and falling in his lap while watching cartoons. Jennifer relished every tidbit of information.
A short time later the door chimed and Rodney came in followed by Ronon.
"Okay," Rodney rubbed his hands together, "What's the scoop on Sheppard?
Teyla chuckled at Rodney's total lack of pleasantries. They all sat down as Teyla filled them in.
"As you saw on the recording John sent, he has made amazing progress from when he left here. His speech and upper body strength have almost completely returned. He still is unable to walk but he is now able to stand, with a good deal of assistance, for almost a minute."
Ronon scowled, "So when are these people gonna get him walking again?"
"Ronon, I know I explained this to you before," Jennifer said patiently, "But John has to get the upper body working first so he can hold up his weight until his legs can start supporting him. And it sounds like he is actually starting to put some weight on his legs."
"So he'll be walking soon?" Ronon questioned.
Jennifer just rolled her eyes.
"He is progressing at a rate much quicker than any of the doctors predicted," Teyla assured Ronon.
"So," Rodney jumped in, "did you get any info on why his hands were all bandaged? Chuck bugged me three times today to make sure I got the scoop from you. I said it was hot coffee burns. Was it? Did he spill hot coffee on his hands? Cause if he did, that would make me the winner!"
"No, Rodney, it was not hot coffee."
"I said he punched someone," Ronon said raising his eyebrow and grinning.
Teyla sighed. "No, he did not punch anyone."
"Well …?" Rodney said impatiently, "Give!"
"You may tell Chuck that he accidentally got cut on some broken glass," Teyla said simply.
"But that's not really what happened, is it?" Ronon surmised.
Rodney and Jennifer looked at Teyla, concern written on their faces.
"That is the official version," Teyla insisted. "I will tell you what really happened but it must remain with us, do you understand?"
They all looked serious as they agreed.
"It was on Torren's birthday," Teyla began, "He was apparently upset at missing that when he got Major Lorne's e-mail telling him Colonel Armstrong had replaced him. Both of these occurrences, along with several other mishaps, and the constant frustration of his immobility, caused John to …"
Teyla paused to find the right word but Rodney finished for her. "Oh my God! He flipped out, didn't he?"
"Lost it!" Ronon guessed also.
Teyla responded with only the slightest of nods.
"What did he do?" Jennifer asked concerned.
Teyla took a deep breath then answered, "He destroyed his room. He threw things and yelled obscenities at anyone who attempted to enter. John himself admitted it was not pretty."
"But the hands?" Rodney looked confused.
"One of the things he smashed was a glass vase. Apparently he picked up some of the glass and was holding it tightly in his hands for quite some time."
Jennifer's eyes opened wide. "Why would he do that? And the bandages were quite a ways up one arm. How did that happen?"
Teyla looked troubled as she replied slowly, "John … cut himself with the glass."
"On purpose?" Rodney was horrified. "You mean he was trying to … on purpose?"
"David said John did not remember doing it. He remembers it happening but … John was very confused by the time David calmed him down. They had to sedate him for the night and the next day he was mortified when he remembered some of what happened."
"See, this is why he should be here with his friends," Rodney stated. "We could have been here for him and helped him through it."
"Actually, Rodney," Teyla told him, "I think John is glad he was not here. He does not wish for people to see him like this. Even on his planet, he refuses to stay in his wheelchair unless he is moving from one location to another. He does not like to be seen as weak or crippled."
"But we wouldn't …" Rodney argued.
"I know, Rodney," Teyla replied. "We are his closest friends. But he leads many on this base and he does not wish to appear weak in their eyes."
Rodney seemed to realize what Teyla was saying. She knew John was concerned about his reputation on base even before he was injured. He had sent her an e-mail that she had gotten when she'd arrived back yesterday. John must have written and sent it before she and Torren had gone through the Stargate to come back.
He had asked her to send word that they were both back safe in Atlantis as soon as she could. He had also apologized for being such an emotional mess while they'd been visiting. He'd asked her not to share that information with anyone since he liked his reputation as a cold-hearted bastard and wanted to keep it that way. He had signed off saying he missed them already.
Teyla knew no one on base thought of him as a cold-hearted bastard, not anyone who had seen him with Torren or his friends. But there were many who felt he kept his emotions tightly under wraps which at times could make him appear as if he were emotionless.
"So, how is he? Really?" Rodney asked seriously. "And I don't mean physically."
"He was quite thankful for our visit and his spirits seemed good while we were there. He spent much of his time with Torren and the two of them had a wonderful time."
"Like they always do," Jennifer added.
"I did get an opportunity to get better acquainted with David and his fiancée, Julia. We had many conversations while John and Torren were playing. David did say John has been quite depressed and extremely frustrated even though he has progressed faster than expected."
Ronon snorted, "Sheppard always has been a little impatient."
"Oh, like you'd be fine going that long without walking," Rodney challenged.
"Nah!" Ronon said. "I would have shot myself long before now."
"I disagree, Ronon," Teyla said. "You spent many years running from the Wraith. At any time you could have just given up and allowed yourself to be captured. Or you could have ended your own life which would have ended your suffering. But you did not."
"I couldn't let the bastards win!" Ronon spat out.
"And John will not allow this injury to win, either, even though at times he may feel unable to go on."
"Yeah, I felt like that at times, too," Ronon admitted. "Sometimes, I thought I might …"
"Slice your wrist open with a piece of glass," Rodney interrupted morosely.
They all grew quiet at that thought.
"Is there anything that we can do?" Jennifer asked.
"We should send him e-mails on a regular basis so he knows we are thinking of him. It will keep him occupied sending a response back to us. Torren and I have already sent him a video recording tonight as well as last night. We will try to do one each night if at all possible."
"You know I'm uh … kinda busy," Rodney mentioned. "Not sure I can do one-a-day messaging."
"I realize that, Rodney," Teyla said patiently. "However, perhaps you could find a few minutes in your very busy schedule to make a short recording once a week. I had even thought of recording one of our mealtime conversations occasionally to send."
Jennifer applauded, "That way he'd realize he's not really missing much."
"Just McKay complaining about how much he does and how all the other scientists are idiots," Ronon quipped.
"It just so happens I do a lot of work," Rodney defended. "And the other scientists are all idiots."
The others just laughed but agreed that they should keep in contact with John more often.
Teyla gave them more details about her trip and the things that she and Torren did while on Earth. She told them about how excited he was with the egg hunt and his Easter Basket.
"Oh!" Rodney's ears perked up at that. "Did he already eat all his candy?"
Teyla shook her head. "There was far too much of it. John made sure the Easter Bunny delivered a very full basket first thing in the morning. He collected many eggs during the hunt and then Julia's family provided him with even more when we were celebrating with them."
Teyla got up, grabbed a basket from the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen area and put it on the table. "You are welcome to have some if you would like. I do not think Torren needs to eat all of these sweets."
Rodney snatched the basket first and began poking his finger through the contents.
"Rodney! What are you doing?" Jennifer scolded. "Just pick something and get your fingers out of the basket."
"I'm just looking for the orange jelly beans," he explained.
"Oh, John ate all the orange jelly beans. Apparently they are his favorite. And Torren gave all the black ones to David. John told Torren they were yucky so he did not want them."
"Thanks Sheppard," Rodney grouched. "Get rid of all the good ones."
Teyla chuckled, "John tried to coerce me several times with jelly beans."
Jennifer looked at her curiously, "Coerce you to do what?"
Teyla sighed, "He wished for us to stay longer. I told him I did not think Mr. Woolsey would understand if I did not return due to jelly beans."
"What are these jelly beans you guys are talking about?" Ronon growled.
Teyla took the basket from a reluctant Rodney and handed it to Ronon. "The small round confections at the bottom."
Ronon pulled out a handful and popped them in his mouth. "Very sweet, probably wouldn't fill you up, though."
"They aren't meant to, Ronon," Jennifer told him. "They're just candy."
Teyla let them each take a few more pieces then put the basket back in the kitchen for Torren.
"You said you had quite a bit of video from your visit," Jennifer reminded Teyla. "Can we see some of it?"
"I thought I would try and edit it first," Teyla said. "I do not believe everyone would be interested in seeing John read a variety of bedtime stories to Torren. Or see John singing Old MacDonald while he plays that instrument."
Teyla looked thoughtful. "I cannot remember the name. You press a variety of black and white … keys I believe you call them."
"A piano!" Rodney shouted surprised. "Are you telling me Sheppard plays the piano?"
Teyla nodded. "He is quite talented with this instrument."
Rodney snorted, "Talented at playing 'Old MacDonald'. You know I play the piano. I was pretty good, too. And I could play more than 'Old MacDonald'."
Teyla grabbed her laptop and the memory card from her camcorder and put them on the table. "I will show you."
She set them up so they would play on the large screen across the room and fast forwarded through a few minutes of recording.
When they saw John and Torren on the floor with the 'city' they built, Jennifer gasped, "Look at that room! It's huge and beautiful."
Teyla stopped forwarding and allowed the others to see this part of the recording as she scanned the room and asked about the piano.
"Is this Dave's house?" Jennifer asked.
"Yes," Teyla answered. "It is the house John grew up in."
"One of the houses," Ronon added. "That's what he told me. The place was huge."
"And that's a grand piano!" Rodney cried. "You know how much those things cost?"
They watched as the recording now showed John sitting at the piano playing some children's songs for Torren.
Jennifer smiled, "He does know how to play!"
"Right! Like 'Old MacDonald' and 'Twinkle Little Star' are such classics," Rodney snarked.
But then he started a new tune and Jennifer gasped, "Oh, it's Snoopy!"
Rodney chuckled, "I prefer to think of it as Charlie Brown. I always felt bad for ole Chuck, so full of wisdom but completely misunderstood." Rodney listened for another minute then commented, "You know, he is pretty good. I wonder why he never told us he could play."
"You know John, Rodney," Teyla said, "He does not like to boast of his accomplishments."
Rodney just shook his head. "Yeah, I never did understand that about him."
Rodney's eyes popped open further when John started playing Beethoven and Jennifer had to keep him from falling off his seat when 'Flight of the Bumblebee' came on.
"Holy Crap!" Rodney yelled. "You weren't kidding when you said he had talent. That is amazing; especially since just a few months ago he couldn't even move his fingers."
"Apparently the doctors feel his recovery has been quicker because John has put in more effort than is typical. Plus David has arranged for John to have much more therapy than he would have gotten had he remained in a Military Hospital."
Rodney shook his finger and said, "See, there are definite advantages to being wealthy. I personally wouldn't know about them."
"Stop complaining, Rodney," Jennifer scolded. "Just be glad John has a brother who's willing to provide him with the treatment he needs to recover as quickly as possible."
Teyla sighed and said, "Yes, we should all be thankful for that."
.
.
xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox
.
"Hey, Doc," John said as he poked his head into Lambert's office. "You got a few minutes?"
Dr. Lambert chuckled, "You've got an hour scheduled three times a week, Colonel, not just a few minutes."
John looked sheepish. "Is that a dig because I haven't talked to you in over a week?"
"Not at all, Colonel, not at all. Come on in. Hope you don't mind, I'm just finishing up my lunch."
At John's reticence, he insisted, "Come in!"
He got up from his desk and closed the door behind John then grabbed the rest of his sandwich and sat in one of the comfortable chairs across the room. John rolled closer to him and just sat staring at his hands in his lap.
John wasn't sure where to begin, wasn't sure why he was even in here. It definitely wasn't because it was a direct order from General Landry. Since Teyla and Torren had left he'd just had this big empty spot inside him and it wouldn't go away.
He didn't even know if they'd gotten back safely, although if they hadn't he was sure Carter or someone would have contacted him. They had left a week ago today and he knew Atlantis only sent scheduled mission reports once a week.
He was hoping in the next day or so he'd hear something. But even if he did, it wouldn't change the fact that Teyla and Torren were gone.
"I'm not sure why I came in here," John told him truthfully. "I don't even know what I want to say."
Dr. Lambert just smiled as he finished his last bite of sandwich. "Why don't you tell me about the visitors you had Easter weekend. I saw them come in and it seemed like quite an emotional reunion."
"That was Teyla and T.J. if you hadn't already figured that out,' John supplied. "They left last Monday."
"So I guess it's not impossible to get people here from another galaxy."
"Not impossible, no," John replied. "Just not always easy, either."
"I have to tell you, when you said you'd been living in another galaxy, I wasn't sure what to expect if I ever saw them."
John gave a wry smile. "They're human, Doc, regardless of where they're from."
"Of course, of course," he said. "So tell me about your weekend."
John gave him the Cliff Notes version of the weekend activities.
"Did you enjoy their visit?"
"I think that's my problem," John confessed, "I enjoyed it too much and now they're gone."
"Tough goodbye?"
"You have no idea!" John sighed. "T.J. did not want to go. My brother, Dave, had to actually pull him off me and carry him onto the plane." John closed his eyes and shook his head at the painful memory. "And he just kept crying and yelling for me, pleading for me to go with him."
John felt a huge lump in his throat start to form, probably the same one he'd gotten every time he'd thought about T.J.'s goodbye scene. He looked down at his hands that he'd been wringing intensely in his lap.
"So, how did you feel about his reaction? Would you have preferred he just walk quietly onto the plane?"
"Well, if he did," John replied bitterly, "I'd at least still have a heart beating inside my chest."
Dr. Lambert looked surprised. "You don't now?"
John shook his head sadly. "It sure doesn't feel like it."
John closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "I can't stand seeing him so upset. He was seriously hysterical."
"I'm curious, Colonel, by your admission your relationship with this boy is that of his mother's friend and teammate, correct?"
John gave a shrug and a nod.
"The reaction you described doesn't seem typical of that kind of relationship. Tell me, what exactly was he crying or yelling to you?"
John looked almost scared to relive that moment for a second then told him, "He just kept repeating, 'You come home' and then he added, 'please' about a million times. Then right before he got on the plane …"
John had to stop and attempt to swallow the words that were stuck in his throat.
"What did he say then?" prompted Lambert.
"I love you, Papa Bear," John barely got out in a raspy whisper.
Lambert gave John a few moments of quiet before he asked his next question. "Papa Bear?"
John gave Lambert a quick rundown of The Three Bears being T.J.'s favorite story and how often they read it.
"So, do you call him Baby Bear?"
John grinned and said, "Yeah, sometimes."
Lambert noticed John's face soften a bit at this revelation. He still had so many questions regarding Colonel Sheppard's relationships. "I have to tell you, Colonel, from where I'm sitting, the relationship you have with this child is as close as any father and son, yet you say he's not yours."
John shook his head quickly.
"What does this child's father think of your relationship with his son?"
"I'm not sure he gives it a whole lot of thought," John responded dryly.
"Really? Teyla has a relationship with this man?"
A grin appeared on John's face as he said, "Not anymore."
Lambert's raised eyebrow had John explaining Teyla's relationship with Kanaan and what she had told him during her visit.
"How do you feel about this break up?"
"Glad she's rid of him," John answered honestly. "Pissed that he treated her the way he did, annoyed it took this long for them to realize they no longer even have a relationship." John paused for a second before he could finish answering. "I think I'm also completely amazed that … maybe she might feel for me even a little bit of what I feel for her."
"What do you feel for her?"
"A whole lot!" John sighed.
Lambert chuckled at this. "Why don't you tell me a little about her? When you first met her, what did you think?"
"That she was absolutely gorgeous!" John stated as if it were obvious.
"Okay, that's a visual opinion," Lambert laughed. "How about a little later?"
John's eyes moved up in remembrance. "She was an obvious leader among her people and highly respected by them. Made me want to earn her respect. She sized up my CO fairly quick and her opinion wasn't that different from mine. That moved her up a few notches in my book as well for being able to read people pretty fast."
"So you don't have much respect for this CO?"
"That was six years ago," John said and his eyes lowered to his hands again. "He died two days after we met Teyla."
Lambert noticed Sheppard's eyes wouldn't meet his at this revelation. Definitely something to pursue further at another time. "Tell me what Teyla's like. How would you describe her? And I don't mean physically. I got a good look at her and I agree she is quite stunning."
John adjusted himself in his chair for a second then started, "Teyla is unique in so many ways, mostly because she has so many qualities about her that you'd never expect to co-exist inside the same person."
"Tell me about them."
"Well, you look at her and she seems so tiny and feminine, then you see her in action and realize she can beat the crap out of a half dozen Marines … all at once. She's an amazing diplomat and can negotiate her way through the most difficult proceedings and always walk away from the table having achieved her objective. But I've seen her get her way by holding a knife to someone's throat as well. And she knows when it's best to use each method, too."
"Wow!" was all Lambert could get out.
"And she's one of the bravest people I've ever met. She and her people have gone through more in their lives than anyone should ever have to endure, yet she goes on day after day always as optimistic as she can be. And she keeps those fears and upsets deep inside so others don't see. Well… most others don't see."
"Who does she let see?"
"There have been times that she's reached out looking for comfort."
"From you?" Lambert clarified.
John nodded.
"You know the emotional hiding thing, sound like anyone else you know, Colonel?" Lambert teased.
John's eyes gleamed and he returned, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Lambert smiled. "Do you ever reach out looking for comfort, Colonel, or do you go it alone all the time?"
John looked thoughtful for a minute then answered, "For a long time I would have said I never reached out for anyone but since T.J.'s become so important to me … Just holding that kid can make so much pain go away. It's unbelievable. If everyone had a child to hold, you'd be out of a job, Doc."
"And if everyone had your kind of relationship with their kids, the world would be a much better place."
They sat quietly for a minute, John wondering what alien entity had inhabited his body for him to talk so much about his feelings. Maybe a little part of Thalen had come back.
He could still remember screaming inside his own head as Teyla stood pointing her P-90 at him. And Thalen had dug around in his mind until he'd found the weakness he thought would work to keep Teyla from pulling the trigger. 'If you kill me, you're killing him.'
Those words had made Teyla pause but not completely, so Thalen had pulled out the big confession. 'He cares for you more than you know. He had cringed at those words wondering how they would affect their working relationship. But Teyla had never brought them up and he certainly hadn't.
Now he almost wished he had. Maybe he and Teyla would have been together years ago and Kanaan would never have been in the picture. But without Kanaan there would be no T.J. and John just couldn't imagine not having that little boy in his life. He was having a hard enough time living without him for just a few months.
There were so many what if's and different scenarios that John couldn't even begin to rewrite what history would have been like. He had to stay in the present and decide where he wanted to go from here.
"You look lost in thought, Colonel. Care to share?"
John smirked. "Just thinking I need to stay in the present and figure out what I want for the future instead of dwelling on things I should have done in the past."
Lambert nodded his head and commented, "That's a healthy attitude to have, Colonel."
"Glad you think so, Doc. It'll keep me from that Section 8 a little longer, huh?"
"Colonel, you're the only one who keeps insinuating that you're crazy. Any reason for that?"
John just shrugged. "It's just that I'm not one who typically gets all emotional over things. I prefer to keep that stuff … hidden, you know."
"Yes, I have figured that out," Lambert snickered.
John continued, "But since I've been injured, man, my emotions have been all over the place. When Teyla and T.J. first got here and then when they left, I uh … kinda had a hard time keeping it all in, you know."
"Yes, I saw you, Colonel and you were hardly inappropriate," Lambert informed him. "You looked just like anyone else would, greeting loved ones you hadn't seen in a while."
John cocked his head to one side. "Let's not forget my whole flip out a few weeks earlier."
"We've already discussed that and decided it was perfectly understandable considering the circumstances," Lambert responded. "I don't think there's any sense dwelling on it, unless you want to."
"No, pretty much like to forget it, thanks." John looked uncomfortable and cleared his throat. "I, uh … probably took up more time than I should have, Doc. Thanks for listening to me ramble."
Lambert chuckled, "It's what I'm here for. And don't feel like you have to wait for your scheduled time. If I don't have anyone in here and you need to talk, please feel free to stop in."
"Okay, Doc, but hopefully three times a week will be enough," John said. "I, uh … apologize for not coming in last week but their leaving was still so fresh, I could still hear T'J.'s cries echoing in my head. There was no way I could have talked about it at that point."
"I consider the fact that you came in on your own today a step in the right direction."
John looked ironically down at his motionless legs and said, "I guess any step I can make right now is a good thing."
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xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo
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"Hey, where'd you get the popcorn?" shouted Dusty Mehra. "I thought the PX was all out until the Daedelus arrives next week."
Teyla took another bite as she moved over to make room for the Sergeant on the couch. "Colonel Sheppard sent back quite a large supply with me when I returned from Earth last week. He knows how much I enjoy it." She offered some to her friend.
"Lucky you!" Dusty snarled facetiously. "The rest of us don't have your connections. How is the Colonel? I'd heard he's a lot better than when he left here."
"He is," Teyla smiled her reply. "He has made vast improvements and the doctors feel he should recover completely and in less time than was originally predicted."
"Oh, that's great!" Mehra sighed then looked around the rec room noticing there were only a few others who had arrived so far for the upcoming movie.
She leaned in closer to Teyla and whispered conspiratorially, "Most of us can't wait until Sheppard comes back, especially those of us who have been with him for a while. The newbies don't know the difference but a lot of us were spoiled with the Colonel. The man knows exactly what's going on in Pegasus and how to deal with it. Armstrong may be a great commander back on Earth but here he doesn't know his galactic ass from his elbow."
"That's insubordination, Sergeant!" a voice snapped from close behind Mehra's shoulder and she almost jumped off the couch, her face pale. Until she realized it was Major Lorne behind her and he was grinning from ear to ear.
She made a face at him and said, "Don't tell me you don't feel the same way, Sir, because I know you do."
Lorne's eyes narrowed as he replied, "You'll never hear it from my lips, though, will you, especially not in a place so public."
Dusty swallowed nervously and said, "Understood, Sir!"
Lorne just nodded and moved to take one of the chairs lined up close to the front, next to Laura Cadman.
"Where's the little guy tonight?" Major Ann Teldy asked as she plopped down on the other side of Teyla. "How'd you manage a night out without him?"
"Hello, Ann," Teyla greeted her friend. "Ronon and Amelia offered to stay with him. I do not believe they will be able to get him to sleep but perhaps Ronon can wear him out enough so it will be easier when I get back."
"He's not usually up late like that, is he?" Dusty questioned. "I thought you put him to bed pretty early."
"Yes, that is my goal," Teyla replied. "However, since John has been away it has been much more difficult. He has such a gift for putting Torren to sleep. And since we came back from Earth, Torren has been almost inconsolable at bedtime."
"Why's that?" Dusty asked.
"He was just getting used to not having John around. Then he spent four nights with John putting him to sleep again. Two of those nights he actually slept in John's bed."
"And where did you sleep?" Dusty asked suggestively.
Teyla's eyes flew open. "Dusty!"
"Oh, come on," Dusty defended herself. "You and Torren's father aren't together anymore. And don't tell me you hadn't noticed how hot the Colonel is."
"Sergeant!" Teldy scolded but Dusty just smirked.
"Everybody thinks it, admit it. But we don't do anything about it because he's our CO." She looked boldly at Teyla. "But you're not military."
"They are on the same team," Teldy reminded her.
Dusty just rolled her eyes and repeated softly, "So, where did you sleep?"
"In a room across the hallway from Colonel Sheppard's," Teyla answered smugly.
"Every night?" Dusty checked.
Teyla was about to answer in the affirmative when she remembered where she'd spent the last night. Her mouth closed and her eyes looked away as her cheeks turned pink. She quickly looked around to see that the room was filling up. Luckily, most people seemed intent on their own discussions and weren't paying much attention to the three women on the couch in the back of the room.
Ann looked curiously at her and said, "Teyla? Something you want to share with us?"
"It is not what you think. John and I did not … we simply fell asleep on the couch."
"On opposite ends of it, no doubt, not even touching," Dusty teased.
Teyla flushed and answered, "Not exactly."
Ann started getting curious now and lowered her voice. "So are you and the Colonel now …?" She wasn't sure exactly how to put it so she let the sentence dangle.
Teyla searched the room again for signs of people interested in their conversation and gave a half shrug. "No words were actually spoken in that regard."
Dusty's eyebrows rose. "Sometimes that's the best way to communicate."
Before any of the women could make another comment, Rodney walked in the room demanding attention like he always did.
"Okay, people, listen up!" he started. "I know you were supposed to see two movies tonight but let's face it, the first one was pretty lame."
Several people booed at this but many gave some sort of agreement so Rodney continued, "So with your permission, I thought I'd show you some of Teyla's vacation video with our illustrious leader."
Quite a few cheers went up but Teyla's voice rose above them. "Rodney, these people do not wish to see John reading bedtime stories to Torren."
"Oh, see, that's why I got rid of those when I made this mix. I also took out Sheppard singing 'Old MacDonald'."
He looked again at the crowd. "Interested?" and at the positive response answered, "I thought so."
He inserted the disc into the equipment and someone lowered the lights. "Now there's not much of a plot," Rodney quipped, "but I think you'll find the characters pretty familiar and somewhat likeable."
"Oh, thank you, Rodney!" Teyla snapped sarcastically.
The screen came on showing John and Torren rolling a plastic ball back and forth to each other outside. Within a short time Dave and Teyla entered the picture.
"Who's that?" someone yelled and Teyla replied, "That is David, Colonel Sheppard's brother. It is his house the Colonel is staying at while he recovers."
"Nice place!" another voice stated as the camera followed the action and showed much of the property from the paddocks to the house.
"It's where Sheppard grew up, too," Rodney pointed out.
Rodney had cut some of the recording to keep from getting too bored watching the same thing. When Ann and Dusty saw the part where John fell back on Teyla, they looked knowingly at her and gave her sly smiles.
There were a few minutes of John and Torren playing with trains and blocks and then the part where they were in the pool came on. The first sign of Teyla in her swimsuit garnered a few cat calls and whistles and Teyla just rolled her eyes and put up with it. But the opposite sex got their whistles in when John finally pulled himself out of the pool to lean back, bare chested, on the steps.
Dusty leaned over Teyla and addressed Teldy, "Go ahead, Major, look at that and tell me he's not hot. Cause you'd be lying!"
Teldy whispered fiercely back, "Those are not appropriate thoughts to be having about your CO, Sergeant," she emphasized the lower rank then looked at Teyla then back to Mehra again.
"And maybe there are people who prefer you not to be ogling the Colonel's admittedly very nice looking chest."
Dusty looked aghast at Teyla who grinned and warned, "As long as looking is all that you do."
Ann was intrigued again. "So are you staking a claim, Teyla?"
"I do not think it appropriate to say anything at this time. The Colonel's return is still a long way off."
The next clips were of Torren showing John the Easter eggs at the egg hunt. The sight of John in the wheelchair with Torren in his lap elicited another round of responses.
"Look at the Colonel in a suit, Wow!"
"He cleans up pretty well."
"Is he stealing Torren's candy?"
"Is he in the wheelchair all the time?"
"Can he walk or stand at all, yet?"
Teyla made a few comments to reply to some of the people. "The Colonel is not able to walk yet at all; however he has begun attempting to stand. He is determined that he will fully recover, though it may be some time before he is well enough to return."
Quite a few moans and groans echoed through the room and Teyla smiled at how many people wanted John to return.
The last part of the clip that Rodney included was John playing the piano, Torren sitting beside him. Teyla was not sure John would appreciate everyone seeing him perform but knew it was too late to stop it now.
They saw a short part of John finishing 'Oh my Darling, Clementine' then he segued into the 'Charlie Brown Theme'.
"Oh, I love Snoopy!"
"This song is great!"
"I didn't know the Colonel could play the piano."
"Well, it's not like we have a piano around here for him to actually play."
When John was playing Beethoven, Woolsey walked in and commented, "Oh, I thought we were playing 'Encino Woman' so I didn't hurry. If I had known we'd be listening to classical music, I would have come earlier."
"It's Teyla's video from her time on Earth,' Rodney supplied.
"Oh," Woolsey replied, surprised. "Where did you see the pianist?" He obviously hadn't looked closely at the large screen at the front of the room.
"It's Colonel Sheppard," a few voices filled in for him.
Woolsey finally took a good look at the image and exclaimed, "My goodness! It is Colonel Sheppard! I had no idea he could play the piano."
"No one did."
"He's very good," commented Woolsey.
"Just wait," Rodney teased them.
Everyone now watched as John flexed his fingers and started playing 'Flight of the Bumblebee'. Not a sound could be heard even a few seconds after the music stopped and the recording ended. Finally a few people started clapping and the whole room joined in along with quite a bit of murmuring.
"That was amazing!"
"I would never have guessed that of Colonel Sheppard."
We should get a piano here and make him play for us, once he gets back."
Teyla heard all the comments but merely said to her companions, "Colonel Sheppard would not play for a large group. He only started playing to entertain Torren. I believe he moved on to more difficult pieces as a way of proving to himself that his motor skills had returned."
After a few more minutes of chatting and people asking Teyla questions, they began the movie for the night, 'Regarding Henry'.
Teyla enjoyed it but it hit a little too close to home. The movie was about a man in a rehabilitation center, recovering from a tragic accident. There was much murmuring and speculation as to whether Sheppard was going through any of what Harrison Ford, or his character Henry, had gone through.
Teyla left as soon as the movie was over not really wanting to get into a discussion with anyone at the moment. She walked into the living area to find Ronon and Amelia with their arms around each other, snuggled close.
Amelia jumped right up as soon as she saw Teyla but Ronon just continued to stay slouched on the sofa. "You're back a bit earlier than I thought. How were the movies?"
"They were fine," Teyla hedged not wanting to get too involved in an explanation. "Where is Torren? Did you actually manage to get him to sleep?"
"Yeah," Ronon answered. "We did a whole lot of playing and wrestling then gave him that shirt of Sheppard's and put the computer on in his room. About four stories in, he fell asleep."
Teyla looked surprised but Amelia added, "What Ronon didn't tell you is the poor thing spent most of those stories crying for Colonel Sheppard. I tried rubbing his back to get him to stop but the tears kept coming. I don't know how you've been dealing with it."
"It has been difficult," Teyla agreed. "I am glad we visited for John's sake, but I am not sure I could put my son through that again. The departure was heart wrenching for both Torren and John."
Teyla peeked in at her son then returned to the living room. "Thank you, Ronon, Amelia for staying with Torren tonight and allowing me some time to myself. It is very much appreciated."
Amelia gave Teyla a hug and Ronon patted her on the shoulder as he offered, "Anytime. I like helping out and Torren's a great kid. Besides, Sheppard would have my hide if I didn't."
Teyla thanked them again and they left. She gathered the laptop from Torren's room and brought it to her own and set it on the bed. She quickly got ready to sleep then slid under the covers. She moved the laptop closer and pressed a few keys.
She retrieved the part of the recording when she, John and Torren were snuggled in the grass together. She rewound and played several times, always freezing the frame in the same spot. John had his arm around her and his other hand on Torren who was sitting in her lap.
Julia had downloaded that image onto her computer so she could make a picture for John. Teyla had to agree it was the perfect image.
She pressed a few more keys and saved the image then applied it as her background on the computer. She turned the lights off in the room and set the computer on the bedside table so she could see the picture. She closed her eyes remembering when the picture was taken. With the memory of John's arm around her, she slipped into a peaceful slumber.
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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo