"Like I said the last five times you asked, and will continue to say if you decide to prolong this by asking another five times, based on everything I saw, it is a Sub Centre that prefers to have slightly fewer Subs than average in the centre at one time. The most suspicious thing I saw was a bright pink helicopter with neon green rotors - and I thought it was suspicious because I refused to believe someone would actually ask for the helicopter to be painted in that horrible combination," Alex exclaimed, fed up with the "few questions" (cough interrogation cough) Blunt was putting him through.

He could have asked and answered the questions himself, like a bizarre one-man comedy act.

Even Mrs Jones had started looking fed up by the third repetition.

The only problem was that Alan Blunt, the person in charge of the whole shebang, was like a dog with a bone, refusing to give up. Alex had stuck to the same basic script, changing the wording and letting in the odd subtle detail on each repetition ("Dr Greif didn't seem to like tea, but he never went anywhere without a mug of coffee") to avoid sounding like he'd been coached on what to say.

Ian had been satisfied by the end of the first round.

Crawley and Smithers had started giving Blunt funny looks halfway through the second round.

"Who came in the helicopter?"

"I told you this! Eva had a friend over, and they chatted for around twenty minutes; the woman sat with us and talked to Laura and Sasha about fashion and shoes: the woman had dinner with Eva and Dr Greif and stayed for a few days, then left three days before I did. She was friendly, no one had a bad word to say about her, and I don't see why you want me to repeat myse- Oh, now I understand," Alex declared, looking at Blunt like he'd had a momentous revelation.

"Understand what?" Blunt asked through gritted teeth.

"It's alright, no need to explain. It can hit at any age, despite the name. I'm happy that you're so determined to continue working despite it. Senile dementia isn't the career-ending disease everyone seems to think-"

"I don't have senile dementia!" Blunt shrieked. Behind him, Crawley and Smithers had stuffed their hands over their mouths, partially covering the sound of their laughter. Alex nodded sympathetically, patting the man on the shoulder.

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. You can live your life to the fullest if this is controlled. (1) I can recommend a brilliant clinic - it helped my friend's octogenarian Granny, and it'll work wonders with-"

"ENOUGH!" Blunt yelled, panting, "You think you're hilarious, don't you? Well, here's something that'll wipe that smirk off your face: we're not done with the Dom/Sub charade. In fact, we will have to do a sham New Wedding."

"What!?" exclaimed Alex and, surprisingly, Ian.

"I'm not ecstatic myself. Don't worry - the pastor owes me a favour, so he can fit us in in a week."

"A week?" he repeated like a broken parrot.

"That's what I said. I've already arranged the location, and I've found three people free at that time to act as my witnesses - I suggest you find two more people since Ian will need to be one of your witnesses, as he's your only living relative," Blunt… ordered? There was something about the tone that set his teeth on edge.

Possibly noticing his lack of enthusiasm, Blunt squeezed his shoulder.

"Look at it this way - you'll get to experience a New Wedding without any of the fripperies, and you won't have to pretend to be my Sub by this time next week. Go home, and get some rest. On the day, wear what I send you and just repeat what I say when we're in front of the pastor," the man said, gesturing towards the door. Alex stood up and walked over to the door. He hesitated before he opened it, hand resting on the handle.

"Is this necessary?" he sighed, turning back to look at Ian's boss.

An unknown emotion twisted Blunt's face before he declared, with the first bit of sincerity Alex believed to be genuine.

"Unfortunately, yes."

(A.N:

(1) I don't have senile dementia; neither has anyone in my family. This is taken from generic doctor talk on TV dramas. I don't know if this is actually accurate, since I didn't do any research on the condition.)