DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.
Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Natsumi speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)
Emphasis
Bijuu, etc. speaking
Bijuu, etc. thinking
Ichika silently cried alongside her mother while Mamma Dog was making her puppies. Even though her Kaa-chan kept telling her that everything would be alright, Kaa-chan's tears proved to her that she needed to worry.
Tou-san shook his head at them. Ichika didn't care that he said they were "being silly; that this is part of - the beginning of - life!" It was gross and poor Mamma Dog was in pain! How is Kashi being so calm about all this?! –Her brother even seemed excited!
Mamma Dog growled at her Kaa-chan when Kaa-chan tried to put a cool cloth on her head. Tou-san thought it was funny.
"I'm sorry! I didn't know and it's what we always do for the kids! I remember putting cold cloths on myself all day before I was suddenly in hard labor with the twins."
"I never knew you did that," Tou-san said.
"Your both… bakas," Mamma Dog softly panted. Ichika let out a giggle while Kakashi gasped. "Forgive me, Hatake-saMA!" She whimpered and let out a little howling sound. Then a gross sac came out of her butt!
"Ew," Ichika said, summing it up quite well, she thought. She pulled her Kaa-chan's thick, long ponytail over her face so she didn't have to see anything else. She thought Mamma Dog was having puppies, not some kind of pods for aliens.
Were summonses alienses? –Ichika didn't like the thought of aliens and their "anal probes" Kakashi had been teasing her about at night. What IS an anal pr … "Kaa-chan, wha's a awien um, anwal pwobe?"
"An alien probe?" Natsumi echoed before realizing what her daughter might be talking about. "Kakashi! After we're all set here, I want to see that manga!"
Kakashi was too excited about the puppies to think about the implications of what he said next. "Maa, maa. If you'd been responsible, you would have looked at it before you let me have it." He looked up at his father, about to ask what might go wrong with the puppies (he wanted to be prepared) but paled at the way his dark eyes were narrowed on him.
"I let you buy that manga and you told me your mother said it was fine."
Ichika peeked back out and wrinkled her nose when she saw Mamma Dog licking her alien pod. That was gross but they did need to leave the planet to go back to their home world. "Kashi'sh in twoubwe," Ichika sang out and cackled.
Her parents gave her a dirty look. She shrugged her shoulders, giving them her "charming" smile, and asked Mamma Dog an important question. "Do dey tashe-t good? Awe you gonna eat dem?"
"Do something about her," Mamma Dog hissed and another pod popped out! Ichika stuck out her tongue and wished she didn't taste her pink mask. She didn't like wearing a mask!
Kakashi pouted furiously at his sister but their parents just chuckled. "She NEVER gets in trouble."
"She's constantly in trouble," their mother said easily. She watched what their father was doing carefully (mostly nothing) and Kakashi became serious again.
One of these puppies was going to be his! "I'm sorry for what I said, Okaa-chan, Otou-san. I wasn't thinking, and shouldn't have lied," Kakashi apologized thoughtfully.
"So fowmaw," Ichika complained with a wave of her little hand.
"That's enough, you two," Sakumo scolded. "Summons can handle birthing on their own but our wolf partners can't always successfully do the same. Hatakes have partnered with wild wolves and canine summons for centuries and we'll save any that we can! –Especially when they're coming into this world. I allowed you two to watch this so you won't be shocked when you see it happen in the wild. Next time we'll go over to the Inuzuka compound to see their dogs…"
When it was all over and the kids were finally in bed, (Kakashi had been absolutely impossible - and that manga with the aliens on it that he'd been reading had been awful,) Natsumi lazed on the floor next to the new additions to the pack and wondered if the puppies would eventually look just like Mamma Dog. Right now it was hard to tell and Sakumo said that it would take her a while to be able to differentiate puppies when they were extremely young. He'd given her an interesting book to help, though: it was a picture book designed for children which was kind of funny. "I never asked you who the lucky father is."
Mamma Dog rested her head and tiredly blinked up at her summoner as the rain poured down outside. "I don't think he'll be around much - and I don't know what I ever saw in that smart-ass pug!"
"A… pug?!"
Eight-year-old Natsumi blinked at the pug that had popped up to give her orders. She knew what summons were, of course, but this pug was so small, cute, and wrinkly with his little face and deep voice, and he seemed familiar. "Have we met before?"
"I haven't seen you in a long time," Pakkun said uncomfortably. "Tenzo really needs to get his own summons!"
"Holy shit," Natsumi breathed to herself, softly rubbing away the goosebumps that rose on her arms. She was grateful that Kurama was asleep or he'd be on another tangent about her supposedly repeated time-traveling again.
No, no, no: Pakkun could've meant anything, especially as that other Kakashi - her former captain/Hokage - was close to her parents. Pakkun definitely could've meant that he'd seen her as a baby or something.
Her brother, after all, had owned a pug keychain as far back as she could remember. –That thought made the sunset-haired woman feel much better. -Until she remembered that she'd never even had a keychain until she'd bought one for herself. And how she was always left out…
Don't depress yourself, Natsu. Your life is wonderful now! It's important to appreciate it!
Natsumi jumped when lightning struck very close to the house but smiled when she saw a large pack of wolves come running toward the covered engawa. "Awww. Poor babies."
"You don't have to hang around, you know," Mamma Dog said sleepily. "I've heard that responsible 'owners' of common dogs don't leave a dam for weeks but I don't need that kind of supervision."
"And I'm your partner, not your owner," Natsumi smiled warmly, wanting to pet her but holding back. Mamma Dog often complained about "common dogs." And don't get the Corgi started on those who bred them!
Mamma Dog smiled in approval. "And don't you forget it, Missy."
Natsumi snorted. Of all her ninken, Mamma Dog was by far the bossiest. "You're going to be a wonderful mother."
Mamma Dog closed her eyes. "Like summon, like summoner, they say."
"Aww!"
Natsumi's cooing was interrupted by an insistent but very quiet knock on the door. She smiled and got up, sensing who it was that had been escorted in by some poor wolf that had gone out in the storm to greet and bring them in. Sakumo beat her to the front door, though.
Minato's mouth fell open when the door opened. He embarrassingly realized later that his hand was still in the fist he'd been knocking with. "Whoa. Uh - um… You're back! Um, welcome back, Sakumo-sama!" He bowed and then for some reason, bowed again.
"Just Sakumo is fine, Minato. You're soaked!" He opened the door so his young brother-in-law could enter but the kid was standing there, freaking out. Minato, of course, had grown quite a bit. Sakumo had hoped Minato would have settled down in his BS hero-worship by now but supposed that being away for years, tracking and battling jinchuurikis (and Kages: ugh,) hadn't really helped anything.
Minato scratched his head and smiled nervously. "Part of the dorm burned down," he began and smiled when his sister showed her face to save him from her super-cool, super-scary, super-awesome husband.
"Is everyone alright?! Are you?! Is the fire out?!" Natsumi tried to pull him in but didn't want to get soaked. Minato pointed to the other side of the door and there was Shikaku.
Natsumi's expression changed entirely. Since making Chunin, the two boys were partnered together often enough and always (supposedly unintentionally) caused so much trouble when they were in the village. "Which one of you boys started the fire?"
"Troublesome."
"Yeah," Natsumi snarked, "you're troublesome. Get your troublesome butts in here and warm up." Shikaku immediately stomped in, dropping his sandals and gear in front of Sakumo while (sort of) offering him a lazed, grumbling half-bow, and began looking around for a fireplace at the Hatake manor to sit by. He'd never been here before but he'd stayed with Minato's sister and her double-brats a few times when Minato lived with them for a while in the Senju Compound.
"Fire's out," the Nara heir said and sneezed. Minato's sister began fussing all over him just like his mother always did. "What a drag."
"What happened?" Natsumi asked again as she took the boys' soaking wet cloaks and vests. Shikaku began stripping while Minato was squeaking out apologies for his too-laid-back, impolite friend. "Were you trying to cook again, Minato?"
"An-ne," he whined but jumped when Sakumo snickered behind him. "Ah, sorry. NO," he insisted before pointing at his best friend. "It was him!"
"Hey! It's rude to point, you know," Shikaku complained. "You got extra underwear, Minato?"
"I swear if you strip in front of my sister, I will stab you! Oh, sorry," he panicked, turning and bowing to Sakumo again. Sakumo shook his head and rubbed his eyes, exasperated with these two already. He'd heard stories about the boys who were on the fast-track to make Jonin when they weren't being idiots outside of missions - but they seemed even more ridiculous than what he'd imagined.
Minato looked around nervously but allowed his big sister to pull what was left of his singed but wet shirt off. "We didn't know where to go and… Um."
Shikaku interrupted him. "I just got out of that damn compound and I'm not going back any time soon!"
"I told you that you are always welcome wherever I am," Natsumi said in finality. "You two go get cleaned up - you totally stink," she added, internally laughing at the way Minato's cheeks burned red and he slapped at them as if that would help hide them; Shikaku (that brat) couldn't have cared less - "and I'll get your room ready. Then you can see the puppies - well, what you can see of them - but you have to be quiet!"
"Puppies?" both boys said with excitement dancing in their widened eyes.
"You guys are adorable," Natsumi said genuinely. She still loved having a brother even if the one she had now was her father in some parallel universe or something. Shikaku was okay, too - although he was a total pain. "Now git!" She shook her head as they pushed and wrestled each other down the hallway toward the bedrooms before both came to a screeching halt about a meter in front of the twins' room.
"You go ahead," Minato said to his roommate warmly, smiling at his sleeping niece and nephew. He'd watch them for a little while: they had been on a long mission and he'd missed the little boogers. Is Kakashi-chan wearing a mask?
Natsumi turned to her husband who had only now closed the door. "It's okay, right?"
"Of course it is: he's your brother." Natsumi smiled up at him brilliantly and moved to kiss his cheek. He grabbed her at the last second and dipped her, snogging the life out of her and sliding his other hand down to squeeze her ass as she giggled into his mouth. He looked up and glared up at the kid down the hall who'd dared to start spilling Killing Intent and growled at him.
"Minato!" Natsumi intervened before anything untoward could happen, "reign in the KI!"
"Oh, um. Sorry! Just not used to… Um. Yeah." Sakumo-sama had been gone a long time and Minato was used to defending his sister from perverts and want-to-be-suitors that she didn't realize existed. Natsumi said he was ridiculous but he knew better! "Can I use your bathroom, Nat-nee?"
"Sure."
As soon as the wiry blonde was out of sight, Sakumo began complaining into her hair. "I don't want another male in our bedroom."
"You don't mind Kashi-chan in there!"
"That's different."
"No, it's not; not very different!"
Sakumo pouted and followed behind his wife as she left to put the boys' clothes in the wash. He'd have to have a word with Minato and lay down the house rules in the morning.
.
.
One good thing about having his brother-in-law in the house was that the pups woke Minato up on his day off instead of them. He turned to a sleeping Natsumi and gave her a kiss. She groaned as she slowly woke up and turned toward him with a strange look on her beautiful face. Sakumo frowned. "You're pale."
"I don't feel well. –That's… weird." She accepted a few more kisses and a lot of undercover groping despite that, as the kids were squealing in delight that their uncle had returned in the front of the house. Natsumi got up knowing that if Minato or Shikaku started breakfast, they'd burn their house down, too. She'd only pulled on her yukata when she felt the room spin.
Her stomach lurched. She ran into the bathroom and started barfing.
Sakumo grinned and smacked his hands together, hoping he was right. "Hot damn!" He jumped out of the bed to pull her hair up for her (and when his beloved spoke,) he knew he was right!
"You sick son-of-a-bitch, if you knocked me up again I'm going to cut your balls off with a…" More puking stopped Natsumi's tirade.
Sakumo grinned. Natsumi had been a little mouthy lately but he was so glad to be back in her good graces again, he hadn't thought much of it. "You're so cute and violent when you're pregnant!"
"Don't say that! I'm on birth control! I'm sure I'm just sick. …Guh."
"Dan said Tsunade was on it, too, and she's pregnant again. Don't worry, Natsu-chan, I want a big family!"
"I'm going to kill Godaime-sama!" Sakumo was already either in a dream or future-baby-heaven, however.
"This is great! Maybe we'll have twins again." His wife let out a highly-distressed wail that he all but ignored.
As the recently-appointed head of ANBU, he'd be in the village 80% of the time, but considering his last outside mission, Hokage-sama didn't want him leaving the village at all. What perfect timing! "This time, I'll be here to experience their babyhood. I can't wait! Plus Kashi and Cheeky will be going into the Academy soon…"
Natsu flushed the toilet while he was talking - but she still heard what he'd said! "Over my dead body, they will!"
"Aw, c'mon, Natty!" Sakumo found and pulled on a mask, bringing it up over his nose when she puked again. "They're BRILLIANT. And you've been training them; hell: they're nearly newbie Genin-level already - and they're FOUR!"
"Get out of here!" Natsumi flushed the toilet again and miserably laid down on the cold tile next to it. She saw that he'd pulled on one of his masks and blushed red with humiliation. "Please?" God, she felt terrible.
Their battle was interrupted when Kakashi's little voice rang out. "Minato-oji's dating Shikaku-nii's sister to make Kushina-chan jealous! Hey… What's wrong?"
"What did you say?" Natsumi asked, horrified that Minato would do something like that - and not just because she hoped to one day be born. –That realization made her shiver.
- Where had that worry even come from?! She never thought about stuff like that anymore. —Well, not too often.
Kakashi crawled toward his prone mother, feeling very anxious. His mother was NEVER sick. She'd TOLD them that she never, ever got sick as he did sometimes. It had something to do with Kurama and good jeans, he thought she'd said. Jeans were uncomfortable, though, so he didn't have them. "Kaa-chan's sick?" he asked in a whimper.
"Oh, Kashi-chan," Natsumi soothed, "Kaa-chan's okay." She reluctantly accepted the glass of water Sakumo handed her and appreciated that he'd picked her little boy up and was cutely nuzzling him: mask to mask. It was also sweet that Kakashi called her what he used to. A year or so ago, little Kakashi had heard one of Dan's friend's wives being called "Okaa-san" and had decided to imitate the older boy who'd called her that.
"Your mamma might be pregnant," Sakumo said unwisely. His wife's deep, low growl and look of loathing told him so.
Kakashi perked up and tapped his masked chin as he thought about that. "I think I might like to have a little brother like Okaa-san has Minato-oji, but not another sister." He didn't notice the way his parents looked at each other and softly smiled (his mother almost reluctantly - and mainly because he was so precious.) "But I don't want Kaa-chan to be sick. Hmm… Humans aren't born in sacks like puppies are they? Shikaku-nii said when our tails fall off, they leave belly buttons as a scar. –I don't see why our tails are in front. They'd be better in the back." He patted his bottom to show where he thought tails would be better positioned.
"What?!" Sakumo asked after a beat, bewildered that his heir whom he and everyone else deemed prodigal believed something so crazy.
Natsumi was snickering with her arm over her face on the floor. "Ready to be Genins, huh?" What an idiot! Her kids were just babies!
.
Shikaku sniggered as he watched The White Fang cook for them in a frilly hot-pink apron with different breeds of dogs on it.
"What?" Sakumo dared the brat to answer, knowing exactly why he was laughing at him. "I'm not messing up my clothes, and you need to learn how to cook, Nara-san."
"Ah. But you look so nice cooking for me, Hatake-sama."
Sakumo grumbled curses at him but Minato's puberty-riddled-squeaking as he scolded his friend cracked him up. Poor kid. Puberty sucks.
He opened his stance more so the pups could continue using him as a jungle gym and held Ichika away from the stove. The silver-haired Jonin raised his eyebrow at the Nara heir when he lazily began lying to his pups. Again. - Although he did wonder what he'd missed that turned their conversation in this direction. "I'm going to tell your mother that you're here, Chunin."
Shikaku reeled back: Hatake-sama really knew how to hit below the belt! "Forgive me, Hatake-sama! Kakashi-chan, I was just kidding: aliens are always benevolent. They watch us from afar and aren't too troublesome."
"Benfowen'?" Ichika asked cutely.
"Ben-ne-vo-lent," Sakumo clarified. "It means they're kind and sympathetic. Generous!"
"Kaa-chan," she yelled and began running toward the back of the house. "Tou-san sez awiens aw WEAW… W-RR-eaw-LAH!"
"Great," Sakumo drawled. Natsumi had really been upset about the alien thing and now Cheeky was going on about him saying they were real. And if Natty really was pregnant… Well, he hadn't gotten his ass kicked since the Sandaime Raikage chased him and his men out of/er- they wisely retreated from Lightning Country so he supposed it would be fine when Natsu gave him what was overdue.
Natsumi didn't come out until breakfast was over, though. She was wearing jeans, boots, and an angora sweater.
"You look pretty," Sakumo said, smiling as he looked her up and down. He thought she was way beyond "pretty," though.
"Thanks! So do you," she replied, winking at the apron he was in while he cleaned up the kitchen. Her suddenly narrowed eyes focused on the two young teenage boys who were trying to help by throwing things over her incredibly patient husband. "What's this I hear about you dating this lazy boy's sister, otouto?" Minato flinched before he smiled and calmed his features while Shikaku groaned and slithered over to the nearby couch.
"Um, we're not really dating, nee-san."
Shikaku snickered. "That's because your big sis won't allow you to date!"
Unbeknownst to her, Natsumi's eyes flashed red. "I won't allow you to date, either, Shikaku-kun. You're too young."
Shikaku's lips stuck out in a pout, and he decided to ignore Minato's sister's weird eyes. He apparently needed to read more about dojutsus. "You're not my ma."
"Yeah, but I know who she is!"
"I'm not dating anybody," the Nara heir tried to soothe in a rush. He pointed at Minato. "I'm not Pretty Boy-san, here, who all the girls have… suddenly decided is prime boyfriend meat!"
"May I remind YOU that it's rude to point," Minato sniffed with a scowl. "Anyway, Shikaku's sister, Kojika-chan, says it's okay, Ane."
"I don't think it's okay," Shikaku groaned before the boys began arguing about their plan again.
Both of them were ridiculous, Natsumi thought. "You're using that girl, Minato!" Minato's eyes went wide and he began desperately shaking his head, denying that. From what Kushina said, Kojika fancied Minato; surely he knew that, right? "Why are you doing this? You and Kushina-chan are friends!"
"Troublesome. It's because Inoichi-baka took Kushina-chan out for ramen. Then Cho-kun did, but that was for an eating contest."
"Oh," Natsumi said before her stomach turned again. She didn't have time to be pregnant right now: she had a bar AND a factory to open! "Minato, you know that Kushina would probably let an Iwa nin buy her ramen."
"I know, but it's not fair."
Sakumo carried an excited Kakashi on his shoulders and kept a lookout for threats as he followed his girls and the idiots to the Broken Bar. All of the kids were excited about going into a bar for the first time and he looked forward to laughing at their disappointment. Sadly, it was not to be.
Natsumi joined Ami and the others they'd invited to take a looksie at how the renovations were proceeding, and Ami dramatically opened the saloon door. "Ta-da! Now there's still work to be done…"
"Oooooo! Ah!"
"I told you it was cool," Natsumi cheered excitedly. "No touching the alcohol," she said, giving Tsunade and the boys the stink-eye that promised pain just for fun.
"You know I'm not drinking right now, Bartender."
Kakashi slid down from his father's shoulders and ran over to Nawaki. The two began discussing aliens while Ichika let everyone know her ideas for making the bar pretty.
"I don't know, Cheeky-chan," Tsunade said wisely. "I like flowers, too, but if we have vases on the tables, they'll wind up being smashed over heads."
"It's not going to be that kind of bar," Natsumi insisted. "Anymore."
Just in case, some of the furniture that had to be replaced was going to be reinforced for shinobis, however. Kushina had promised to seal it down so that no one could throw a table or booths anymore. Shinobis were rowdy but Natsumi wanted this to be a home away from home! And a place to party, of course.
Sakumo joined Dan in the back where he was flipping out over a new (refurbished) grill and fridge, trying to figure out how to talk Tsunade into buying similar ones for their home. They discussed the bar's new menu - again: Dan really liked to cook - and the war's supposed end. They were hopeful but had extreme, lingering doubts about that.
Natsumi was giving a rather professional tour of the property to the kids, however, Sakumo thought. She walked into the kitchen mid-thought, the boys following behind her. "We want to make it a warm place. And have theme nights! Weekly or monthly, ya know?"
"You could have an under-20 section," Minato suggested, "or tag everyone that's underage that comes in."
Shikaku lazily boo-ed him.
Sakumo eventually had to admit that the place was looking a lot better and considering Natsumi's clones, she could handle it. For now. "Tsunade, can I talk to you for a second?" She agreed since Ami and Natty were in Theme Heaven with the boys and also trying to figure out how to get a used karaoke system. "I think Natsu's pregnant."
Tsunade clapped her hands together. "Awesome! She's gonna be pissed!" That cracked her up.
Sakumo rolled back his tense shoulders and looked around at the kitchen. He thought it was interesting that Natsu had half of the wall knocked down so that customers ("guests" she insists on calling them, he reminded himself) could see the cooks and vice-versa. "Maa, I don't know about this venture."
Tsunade clapped his back, sending him two steps forward. "Think about it this way, Wolfman: between this place, the kids, and getting the 'baby formula' manufacturing going, Natsu's going to have her hands full."
Sakumo wrinkled his nose. "I guess so. –I just worry."