The next morning, the sun shined brightly through a gap in the curtains, bathing Mary's room in a golden light.
The light from the sun's rays also illuminated Francis's face and the golden curls in his hair, making him look refreshed, revitalized, although he was still in the early stages of recovery from his injuries.
Mary smiled softly as Francis awoke from his light sleep, feeling safe and secure as Francis held her gently in his arms, their naked bodies pressed together.
Francis smiled back at her, with happiness in his eyes as he looked at her, and Mary knew that the look on his face must match the contentment on hers. She could still hardly believe that Francis had spent the night with her, in her room.
She knew that her current sense of contentment likely wouldn't last. The memories of the attack were still fresh; much of the castle was still in need of repair; Mary would still need to find the inner strength to get through the upcoming days, months-years, even-as she grieved the loss of her father and her mind and body tried to heal. There was much work to be done, a long journey still ahead, but right now, as the sun illuminated the sky up above, Mary just wanted to appreciate this moment, her closeness with Francis, and everything they had recently shared.
The memories of the previous night came back to Mary, and she felt a sense of peace-of happiness, even-that she hadn't felt in what felt like years…
She thought about those glorious moments with the two of them tangled in Mary's golden sheets; the sense of bliss; the shared words of love and longing; the whispered secrets they had shared. She remembered how they had fallen in and out of sleep, holding each other, with Mary trying to be gentle and trying not to hold onto Francis too tight, mindful of his injuries and the bandages he still had to wear.
As the darkness outside had started to turn into dawn, they had talked in more depth, both trying to tell each other more of their own side of the story about the royal matchmaking process.
Francis had heard most of Mary's words to him when she had sat beside his hospital bed only two days ago and attempted to tell him her full story, and, as nervous as this revelation had made Mary feel initially in knowing that Francis really had heard her as she'd bared her soul to him, her words almost like a confession at the time, there had also been a sense of relief, in knowing that most of her secrets had already been shared with Francis, and that he knew her truth and didn't seem to be judging her for it.
Last night, there had been even more for Mary to tell...
Francis had not seemed surprised on hearing the news that Mary was going to be queen, although there had been a fierce pride in his eyes when Mary had shared this news with him.
"From our childhood, Mary, I knew that you were destined for something great," Francis had told her in an awed whisper on hearing the news.
And yet, there had also been a look of trepidation on his face, too, and Mary couldn't help but wonder if he feared that a match between the two of them, either romantic or political, would be even more unlikely now.
There had been other stories to tell, as well, as Mary had updated Francis on everything else that had happened in the castle since the attack while he had been lying injured in his hospital bed.
Mary had tried as best she could to talk about the night of the attack on the castle, although she knew that particular story would end up being something she told in stages, as she gradually processed everything that had happened that night and in the aftermath.
They had started to talk about Bash, and Mary had finally had the courage to share with Francis a theory that had been playing on her mind for a little while…
"I think that you and Sebastian might be brothers…" Mary had shared with Francis, explaining her theory in more detail as she took in the look of shock on Francis's face.
Francis had seemed disappointed, but not surprised, at the idea that his father might have had an affair with Diane, and it saddened Mary, that he had come to expect so little of his father over the years.
They had talked about Bash and Diane and Francis's father for a little while, and Mary knew that the idea that Bash might be Francis's half-brother had given him a lot to think about. She sensed that Francis would need more time to process the idea further before he said anymore about it.
In the early hours of the morning, Mary had also told Francis about her visit to the local prison, and her conversations with Castleroy, Narcisse and Bash. She'd admitted to Francis that she still didn't know what to think about everything she had been told during these conversations.
"I should try and arrange a meeting with Bash," Francis had said after a brief silence following this conversation. "I need to hear what he has to say. We could be brothers, after all." There had somehow been both a look of hesitation on Francis's face but also determination in his eyes as he spoke.
Mary suspected that Francis was looking for some sort of reason, or excuse, or justification due to the brotherly bond that they perhaps shared; something to determine that Bash might not be as guilty as he appeared, or not entirely to blame, or at the very least a victim of some sort of coercion, rather than being the villain of the piece.
Mary wasn't sure how she felt about that. On the one hand, she was trying to hold on to the idea that Bash had saved her life during the attack; that he had not approved of the rebels' underhanded and violent methods of opposing the Scottish royal family. On the other hand, Mary had already learnt that Bash was capable of dishonesty, and charming his way out of trouble, and running away as soon as an escape route became available. She did not want Francis to get hurt; she did not want him to put too much trust in Bash as his brother, only for Bash to use this brotherly bond as a way of finding yet another escape route and running away to find his mother. After all, it was clearly troubling to Francis, that Diane was still out there, on the run with other rebels, as it was troubling to Mary.
Mary knew that this was something they both needed to discuss in more detail in the near future, along with what was to be the fate of Narcisse and Aloysius. They were both still very tired, and they both had other duties that would have to come first, for now.
Mary moved a little in Francis's arms, her movements slow and careful, still worrying about his injuries as she looked up at him, to see his face more clearly.
Francis was expected back at the hospital wing soon for a further check-up, and Mary wanted to savour every moment before they both had to return to their daily duties and appointments.
They rested for a little while longer, but all too soon, it was time to get up. Mary was reluctant to do so-she just wanted to stay here forever, in Francis's arms, to share more blissful moments in this bed bathed in golden light, temporarily shielded from the pain of the outside world.
For Mary, it was more than just the reluctance of a young woman wanting to stay in bed for longer with a handsome young man who she cared deeply about-Mary was almost scared to let Francis go, as she was so scared to lose him again; here, in this room, in their own private space, they were connected; it was just the two of them, without formalities or outside interference or their roles as a future queen and a new king. But when they left this room and returned to their duties and their responsibilities, there was every chance that their connection could be severed, considering everything that must happen in the near future.
Mary knew that Francis would soon have to return to France, to formally accept his new role as his country's king, and she was already dreading the day when they would have to part, even if it was only temporarily. She did not want to let Francis go…she had already come so close to losing him.
But still, the future queen in Mary would not let her just lie idly in bed all day, as much as she wanted to spend more time with Francis in the privacy of her room. There was work to be done, and Mary wanted to put on a brave face for everyone in the castle and reassure the country that the royal family was rebuilding and repairing and trying to move on.
Mary's brother had arranged for a tea party to take place at the castle today, with a few guests from noble families invited, along with several trusted journalists.
Mary had received messages from James about an hour ago detailing the plans for the tea party; it was to be an informal event, nothing too taxing when everyone in the castle was still exhausted in the aftermath of the attack, but enough of an event that those who did not live in the castle could see for themselves that everything was going to be okay in the end.
Mary hadn't been able to concentrate much on James's messages, as she'd been so distracted by Francis, but still she'd thought that the tea party was a good idea. It would be a first step perhaps, in easing the anxiety of the royals in allowing people access to the castle again, while also presenting an image of unity and collaboration in the kingdom. Mary was sure that James would continue to come up with good ideas in his new role as her leading advisor, and she was glad that her brother would be by her side during the tea party.
After sharing a quick kiss, Mary and Francis hastily started to get ready for the day ahead. Mary was reluctant to see Francis go, but she reminded herself that Francis would be joining her at the tea party later, provided that everything went okay with his check-up. She hoped that they would soon have more time alone to talk about the significance of everything that had happened last night.
Francis was discreet in leaving Mary's room to return to the hospital wing; Mary knew that she was an adult now and could make her own decisions, but she also was aware that a lot of royal traditions and expectations and protocol were still in place, and she suspected that it would be frowned upon that she had spent the night with Francis when things were still so uncertain in both of their kingdoms, and nothing had yet been decided about who would be marrying whom.
And yet, despite any possible judgement from others in the castle, Mary had no regrets about the night she had spent with Francis. She would do it all again in a heartbeat, if she could. The time they had spent together had been emotional as well as physical, and Mary had felt that they had both needed the comfort from each other as they started the healing process.
A small team of James's staff arrived to help Mary get ready for the tea party. Mary opted for an outfit that wasn't very extravagant-another light pink dress-and her hair was styled in gentle curls.
James arrived when Mary was almost ready and he spoke to her for a few minutes, checking that she was okay before he headed downstairs to the party. Mary was grateful for his presence; he knew that she was nervous now, being left alone with people she did not know very well, especially as a full investigation into the attack and those involved had not yet been carried out, and her brother was trying to let her know that he was staying close, protecting her. She knew that her new sense of nervousness around people she didn't know was something she would have to work on going forward, but for now, in the early days after the attack, Mary was appreciative that James was currently acting as her unofficial bodyguard.
Mary walked slowly down the castle's grand staircase, still tentative about walking into a room full of people, where she knew that there would be whispers and gossip about the attack, and probably speculation about the Scottish royal family's ability to rule, but still she held her head high and she took the final steps down the stairs. Mary felt nervous, but she also felt that the events of the past few days, and James's decision to offer her the role of queen, had given her a new sense of inner strength and determination.
She was just about to cross the hallway and head through the wooden double door that would lead into the drawing room, where the tea party would be taking place, when she was distracted by the sight of Lola, who was sitting alone on a wooden bench near the drawing room doors and looking rather glum.
Mary stopped in her tracks, feeling a little surprised on seeing Lola in the castle today; the last time she had seen Lola, she had been injured and unconscious. Mary had heard that she was taken to a local hospital to be treated on the night of the attack. She had also heard that she was recovering well, but Mary hadn't expected her to have recovered sufficiently to have been able to visit the castle so soon.
Mary continued to observe Lola from by the staircase, unsure how to approach her or what she should say. This had perhaps been the conversation that she had been dreading the most-compared with the idea of speaking with Greer and Kenna, anyway.
Mary's feelings towards Lola were…complicated at the moment, to say the least. It was strange now, when she thought about everything that had happened during the matchmaking process; she had liked Lola on their first meeting; she had hoped that they might become friends, but she had also had difficulties trusting her, due to her eagerness to spend time with Francis, and her connection to Narcisse.
Mary had felt so hurt, so betrayed, just before the attack, when Lola had seemingly focused all her attentions on Francis the moment his potential match to Mary had been in jeopardy, and Mary had felt that Lola had taken advantage of Mary's disagreements with Francis to try to get close to him, to secure an advantageous match for herself. Would Lola really have considered marrying Francis, if the offer had been on the table, and he had been unable to forgive Mary for meeting with Conde and for kissing Bash? Would Lola have so easily disregarded Mary's connection to Francis, in order to have him for herself? Mary still didn't know for sure.
And then Mary felt a little guilty for still holding this anger towards Lola after everything that had happened during the attack. Lola had been seriously hurt, and she was probably still recovering from her injuries, and she had been dealing with her own heartbreak after her relationship with Narcisse had seemingly ended. Lola had been through an ordeal of her own, and a man she had clearly cared about was in prison with no current plans for release.
Still holding her head high, Mary walked towards Lola. Things were complicated between them, but Mary could not just walk past her-they had both been through a difficult time, and Mary could not just wish that Lola would have put off visiting the castle so that she could avoid facing up to what they had both experienced, and any potential personal conflict. Besides, she had already talked to Kenna and Greer, hearing their stories, and she felt that she should hear Lola out and listen to what she had to say, too. After all, Lola had been a part of Mary's sort-of friendship group throughout the matchmaking process, just like Kenna and Greer had.
Lola did not see Mary approach her at first, as she was still staring into the distance, apparently lost in her own thoughts, and then she looked a little surprised on finally noticing her.
"Mary, how are you?" Lola asked immediately when she noticed Mary's approach, with what looked like genuine concern in her facial expression, which only served to increase Mary's feelings of guilt.
"I am still in something of a state of shock, I think, and a little bruised," said Mary, not sure how much detail she should give in her answer, "but I will recover." She knew that she was playing down her emotional turmoil, but it did not feel like the time or the place to go into too much detail.
"How are you?" Mary asked her, feeling that Lola had likely sustained worse injuries than she had.
"I'm still in shock, too," Lola admitted, "but I am getting a little better every day, and I am grateful to be alive and on the road to recovery."
Up close, Mary could see that Lola looked pale. There were cuts and bruises on her face and hands, and her left arm was in a sling. She also seemed to wince every time she moved a little in her seat. Mary suspected that she was downplaying her injuries, as she had wanted to be able to visit the castle and talk to Mary.
"Mary, I'm so sorry," said Lola, to Mary's surprise, the moment Mary had sat down next to her.
"For what?" Mary asked her, seeking further clarification as to what Lola was actually apologising for.
"Francis and I…" Lola started to say, a little hesitantly, and Mary remembered all over again how Lola and Francis had walked through the castle gardens together only days ago, when things had been very strained between Mary and Francis. "We did not have romantic feelings for one another," Lola continued quickly, perhaps on seeing the hurt look on Mary's face. "We had a friendship, I suppose," Lola added, "throughout the matchmaking process, but I think it was more that I enjoyed being a part of it all, and I was supportive of you and Francis ending up together, and a potential union between France and Scotland-I could see the political benefits, as well as the personal ones. Secretly, I think I was hoping I could find a better job working for you, if you married Francis and became a queen in France. It can be quite difficult at times, working here," she muttered, sounding a little apprehensive about admitting this out loud, especially to the daughter of the current queen of Scotland.
Mary however simply nodded in understanding. She could only imagine how difficult it was, to work as a member of staff at the castle, to try to keep all the members of the royal family happy while also making sure everything was clean and safe and secure. Not to mention the constant preparation for events and official visits to the castle. Mary also imagined that her mother would be a rather difficult manager to work for, even on her good days. Perhaps Lola had been hoping that Mary could offer her a better job and increased status at the castle in France if she befriended her.
"And," Lola added, "although I'm sure you will think I'm foolish for it, and I know you could come up with a long list of reasons why he would be a terrible choice of boyfriend, I really did have feelings for Narcisse. Honestly, it was only when it seemed like things were truly over between Narcisse and I, and it seemed likely that the matchmaking process would not be continuing, that it became clear than the Valois were keeping their options open for another political match, especially a match that could still ally them with powerful nobles in Scotland. My family was pressuring me into considering a possible match with Francis," said Lola, looking a little guilty as she spoke. "The persuasion started from the moment they knew there was a possibility I could be considered. We have been struggling with debts over recent years," she admitted with a sigh. "Certain family members were involved in a few deals and investments that went wrong, and we lost our status and influence as the debts increased. A match with a future king would have restored a lot of our former glory, and I would have had far more opportunities than I have now."
Mary wasn't sure what to think about Lola's sudden frankness. She could sympathise, with wanting to escape from a role that was not fulfilling; of trying desperately to create a better life. And Lola had assumed that anything that had been going on between Mary and Francis was over at the time that she had started to consider her own match. But still it left a sense of bad feeling on Mary's part, to think how quickly and easily Lola had started to pursue Francis, at the slightest sign of strain in Mary and Francis's developing relationship. Mary wasn't sure if she could trust Lola to work closely with her, going forward; she couldn't be fully sure of Lola's loyalty.
Mary thought back to the first day of the matchmaking process, when she'd first met Lola. She really had been optimistic at the time, at the thought of Lola possibly becoming a friend. There was a sense of sadness now, that this hadn't really been the case, especially given recent events. Was there still room to repair the potential friendship that had begun between them during the matchmaking process? Mary still wasn't sure. Her thoughts were still quite foggy and confused; her emotions were still in turmoil, and it was still rather difficult to think clearly at the moment…although Mary knew that she would have to start doing so, as the security of the country would rest on her shoulders soon. How could the people of Scotland learn to trust her, if she could not trust herself, or the people around her?
"And then the attack on the castle happened," Lola continued, sounding tearful, "and it put everything into perspective. All I could think about was Narcisse, and whether everybody was going to be okay, and all the political matchmaking just seemed to be so unimportant, and I felt like I had made so many bad decisions, and I'm really sorry if I hurt you, Mary. I really did appreciate the time I spent with you and Kenna and Greer."
Mary nodded, accepting Lola's apology, although she still wasn't sure if she was ready to try to repair her friendship with Lola yet.
"I think we can all admit that we made some poor decisions," said Mary, after a few moments of thought. "We can't change what happened, but we can all try to do things better, going forward."
Lola nodded in agreement, although she still looked upset and uncertain. "Have you spoken to Narcisse?" she asked Mary, as Mary had known she would. "Is he okay?"
Mary felt tense at the mention of Narcisse's current state of wellbeing. It was clear that Lola cared about him, but Mary could not so easily forget his possible involvement with the attack, and his history with Francis.
"He is not physically hurt or injured, or missing, if that's what you mean," said Mary, trying to say something to pacify Lola, as she looked so concerned.
Mary was angry with Narcisse, but she did not want to cause Lola any further distress. However, she also did not want to lie and pretend that things were much better than they were, especially when she did not yet know what the future held for Narcisse. If there was evidence that he was linked to the attack in Scotland, or the previous attack in France, then he would face the legal repercussions. It was also still possible that he would try to flee, as running away seemed to be something that he had a particular talent for, or he might try some other under-handed tactic to escape blame.
"He had been detained at the local prison," Mary continued to explain, in case Lola was unaware of this fact due to her recent hospital stay. Lola however did not seem surprised by this news. "I am not sure what will happen to him," Mary admitted, "but it is possible that he will face trial, depending on what the evidence is against him. If so, his fate will be in the hands of the legal system."
Lola nodded, apparently having accepted that this would be Narcisse's fate, although she still looked devastated on hearing Mary say it out loud. Mary wondered if Lola would blame her somehow, if Narcisse was found guilty.
"I know that Narcisse has had a chequered past, and he has made some questionable decisions," said Lola, "but I do not believe that he was involved in the attack on the castle…I know you will think I am naïve for believing this."
Mary wasn't sure what to say or think. She was starting to believe that it was impossible to ever truly know a person's full story.
"You should know," Mary told Lola, speaking slowly and hesitantly now, but feeling like she probably should share this recollection with her; that she should let Lola have this small piece of reassurance, at least, "that Narcisse was frantic to save you, on the night of the attack when Francis and I encountered you in the gardens, and you were seriously injured. He was trying everything he could think of to help you-CPR, prayers, offering to take any burdens in your place, begging for forgiveness. In spite of the flaws in his character, I do genuinely believe that he cares about you, in his own way."
Lola's eyes filled with tears, but she nodded slowly, looking grateful that Mary had shared this memory with her.
Mary could not judge Lola too harshly for her possible naiveté when it came to Narcisse, as she too had been naïve when it came to the motivations of others.
"I don't truly know what the future holds," Mary admitted, "but right now, there is a tea party going on just a few feet away from us, and I'm sure that Greer and Kenna will be attending, and I think it would be good for all of us to show a united front, and start moving forward. I am sure we will both enjoy attending the tea party more than we will enjoy sitting around worrying about what could happen, and things we cannot control. What do you think?"
Mary was tired of the constant conflicts, both internal and external, that had been going on for such a long time; for now, she just wanted some kind of truce, and peace for as long as possible.
Lola nodded, still looking a bit tearful, but also pleased that Mary had just officially invited her to attend the tea party.
Together, the two of them stood up and they walked in the direction of the drawing room.
The atmosphere at the tea party was a strange one, as Mary had suspected it would be.
On the one hand, it was taking place in a more informal setting, with every effort having been made to restore the room to something close to its former glory after the attack, and the guests were dressed more casually than usual, many of them making more effort to be kind and to talk to others who they did not know, as well as sharing their sympathies and condolences after the attack.
On the other hand, there was a sense of tension and intrigue in the air, with some guests seeming to be struggling to put on a brave face for all who might be watching, while others looked a little lost and confused and like they didn't know what to say for the best.
A few guests talked to each other in hushed voices, while others looked around suspiciously when they thought that no one else was looking, as though they weren't yet sure who they could trust.
Mary had expected that things would be this way. After all, the attack had only happened very recently, and everyone was still in shock about what had happened, and many were still processing all the emotions that went hand in hand with experiencing traumatic events-disbelief, sadness, uncertainty, grief, anger, and so many more. And still people were making an effort to stay strong for the sake of the country, and many seemed to be seeking reassurance from others.
Mary had felt every eye in the room upon her when she first walked in. As she attempted to walk around the room and make polite conversation, Mary was again aware of the whispers and curious glances that seemed to follow her. She tried to keep her head held high and not feel in any way intimidated by all the stares-she would have to get used to this level of scrutiny, when she was queen.
She had a feeling that rumours had already started to spread that James was planning on abdicating and handing the throne to her. People had always talked and gossiped within the castle, after all. Mary knew that the rumours would have to be addressed soon. She would have to choose the right moment to make the official announcement, and to seek the support of the public and the people in the castle, before the rumours could run away with themselves. Mary wanted to take control of the narrative.
For now, though, Mary was trying her best to remain polite and professional and not give too much away. Today was not the day for addressing the gossip. Today, she wanted to focus on starting the healing process for her country.
As she continued to mingle, with James coming over every now and again to check that she was okay, Mary allowed a few of the photographers who had been invited to the castle to document the event for the public to take photographs of her.
Francis had promised to attend, even if he was going to be a little late due to his scheduled check-up in the hospital wing. Already, Mary was missing him, and she longed to be close to him again. She felt more anxious now, not being in his presence. But Mary knew that she would have to put these anxieties to one side while she was doing her duty. She could not become dependent on Francis being close to her in order to feel calm, especially when she did not know what the future held, and Francis would likely have to return to France soon.
She was still so scared that Francis would not come back from France; that he would be persuaded that a match with her would not be a good idea; that he would be advised that it would be a diplomatic disaster, especially now that Mary was going to be queen. It was almost unheard of after all, for a king of one country to marry the queen of another, especially when those countries had been enemies.
Last night had been a perfect escape from reality, but now, in the cold light of day, Mary had to face up to the reality that Francis could be leaving Scotland soon. On a practical level, Mary knew that this would have to happen soon, but during all their perfect moments last night, Mary had been able to push this idea to the back of her mind for a little while, pretending that she could have Francis with her for much longer.
But Mary told herself that if she was going to be a successful queen, she was going to have to learn to be independent and remain strong and keep her head held high as she did her duty. Francis could help her, but she could not depend on him.
In spite of her resolution to remain strong, Mary felt more than a little relieved when she had a few minutes to take a pause and sit down at a little wooden table with Greer, Kenna and Lola.
Greer and Kenna had greeted Mary and Lola when they'd walked into the room, and Mary had noticed Greer talking to James a few times, but this was the first opportunity that Mary had really had for a while to talk to all three women together.
She took a few grateful sips of her cup of tea, although she felt that she had little appetite for the cake that was also available-she had not enjoyed food in the same way since waking up from the attack.
Mary was happy to spend time with Lola, Kenna and Greer again, even though all three looked shaken by recent events. She could tell that all three of the women who had played a significant part in her life in their own way were lost in their own worlds today, their minds no doubt drifting to the three men who were sitting in prison cells not too far from the castle. Still, efforts to make conversation were made, and they all updated each other on recent events.
Discreetly, as Greer talked to Kenna and Lola, Mary scrolled through various forums that focused on the royal family on her phone, which she tried to keep hidden under the table as she scrolled. She had been doing her best to avoid most media and gossip and tabloid sites since the night of the attack, as the bad memories were still fresh and she hadn't been able to face reading more negative comments from the public, but now, she was more curious to find out about the public reaction; to see if there was anything else the royals could share with the public via the media to try to ease any doubts or tensions.
Mary was surprised to see that the matchmaking show was still being widely talked about…
Will the matchmaking show continue? one poster on the forum asked.
Will there be anymore episodes? asked another.
Are they still filming the show?
Has filming resumed after the attack, or has the show been cancelled?
The comments continued:
What about all the fans of the show who have followed every episode? Will there be any kind of announcement or continuation?
Who will Mary choose to marry?
Will there be an official announcement, whether Mary choses to marry Francis or not?
Mary shook her head, feeling a little surprised by all the comments about the show. She was still confused and unsure herself, and for the past few days, the matchmaking show had been far from her mind, especially when she had feared that Francis was going to end up marrying someone else, and then she had feared for his life. And, ever since the attack and the loss of her father, the idea of filming for a television show had paled in significance to everything else.
Mary still wasn't sure if she could face the cameras and the almost daily filming again, but she felt that she owed the people of Scotland some sort of closure to the television show; some sort of announcement or decision. Perhaps she also owed it to herself.
Suddenly, after a few minutes, Mary could practically feel a shift in the atmosphere around her. She looked over her shoulder to see that Francis had just walked into the room, and now most of the eyes in the room were on him as he started to greet the guests.
Francis occasionally put his hand over his side where he had been injured during the attack, but apart from that, he looked to be the picture of health-there was a smile on his face and a flush to his cheeks and his hair looked as golden as ever.
Mary caught his eye and she couldn't help smiling back at him as invisible sparks seemed to pass between them. She wondered if Francis was currently remembering everything that had passed between them last night, in the way that Mary was.
"I wonder what has brought about Francis's good mood," said Kenna in a whisper, before she started giggling, while Greer and Lola smiled in response.
Mary managed a half-hearted glare in Kenna's direction, but she could not feel too annoyed with her lack of discretion. For a moment, it was like they were just a group of young girls again, having fun and giggling about their crushes. Besides, Mary felt much better, now that Francis was here.
Of course, Francis had his own duties to do, too. He seemed to be under even closer scrutiny than Mary was as he walked around the room, which wasn't surprising to Mary; it was already common knowledge after all, that Francis was the new king of France, with memories of the former king's death still fresh and much talked about in the media, and Mary knew that everyone would want to meet and talk to the new king, and to speculate as to what his reign would be like.
Mary got up from the table and returned to walking around the room and talking to guests, getting ever closer to Francis as their paths seemed to lead them both towards the centre of the drawing room.
When they were finally close enough to touch, Francis leaned even closer to Mary so he could whisper in her ear: "Mary, would you like to take a walk with me?" he asked.
They had both discussed the possibility of taking a walk around every part of the castle; to revisit the scene of the attack with each other's support, to try to face up to what had happened and start to move forward. Mary was apprehensive, at the thought of seeing for herself the extent of the damage all over the castle after the attack, but deep down she knew that she had to see and acknowledge the damage before she could work out the best way to fully repair it, and she knew that this would be much easier, if Francis was by her side.
Mary smiled at Francis, feeling surprised but grateful that he was prepared to leave the tea party early to take a walk with her.
"Yes," said Mary in response to Francis's question. She still felt nervous at the thought of the damage she might be about to see in the castle, but she was glad for the opportunity to 'escape' with Francis for a little while.
Besides, they had limited time to go for a walk, as Francis had a few meetings scheduled with his advisors throughout the afternoon, now that he was starting to feel a little better, and Mary had promised that she would return to the hospital wing for another check-up later in the afternoon, and so she knew that this was something they would have to do soon.
Mary's movements were slower, more tentative as she walked through the castle with Francis, retracing her steps on the night of the attack.
With every step she took, she was reminded of the fear and the pain, with every inner wall of the castle seeming to hold yet another painful memory.
She remembered a time during the matchmaking process, when there had last been a tea party hosted at the castle, and Mary and Francis had given a tour of the castle for the purposes of the show, with the cameras following them. The guards had taken an interest in the rooms of the castle that day, an interest that Mary had assumed was just a polite and professional one…looking back, she realised that she had been very wrong about this. No doubt the guards had been memorising every twist and turn of the castle, in preparation for the day of the attack. If only Mary had noticed that there had been something 'off' about the guards' behaviour for the past few weeks; that they had always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She feared that 'what-ifs?' like these would forever plague her thoughts.
Mary made her movements even slower, taking a few deep, calming breaths and silently trying to remind and reassure herself that the attack was over now; that she was safe now; that the castle was safe, or as safe as it could be, anyway, and that she had Francis here this time, right by her side.
Since she had awoken after the attack, Mary had only visited certain parts of the castle, still not ready to survey the extent of the damage that had been done. Perhaps she still wasn't ready, but Mary knew that she couldn't keep putting this off forever. The longer she left it, the more she would live in fear of being in her own home, always looking over her shoulder as she walked around the castle, peeking around every corner to check for signs of danger.
One day, when she was queen, this castle would be hers, and Mary would have to have command of it, not the other way around. She had to be brave, or she would forever live in fear.
Still, it was painful, to see the damage...ripped portraits, broken glass, upturned chairs and tables, priceless antiques that were still in pieces, and, worst of all, some of the traces of blood that had not yet been fully cleaned and were still visible on some of the rugs and carpets.
Memories came rushing back to Mary as she took in the remains of the broken chandelier and the torn curtains in one part of the castle, along with the shattered window and the slashes in the wall left by knives in another. The odds had definitely been stacked against her, and Mary knew that she was very lucky to be alive, and she wanted to spend the rest of her life trying to do good for others.
As though sensing Mary's anguish, Francis reached over to take her hand in his. His presence was reassuring, and Mary would miss him so much when he had to return to France and do his own royal duties. The girl who had been so furious with her parents at the start of the matchmaking show for bringing Francis to Scotland in the first place seemed like a stranger to Mary now.
As they stepped over more fallen rubble, Mary felt incredibly grateful for everyone at the castle who had been working hard to clean up the mess, trying to restore the castle to its previous state before the attack. There was still much work to be done, but already, the castle looked better than it had done on the first day after the attack. Mary wanted to do more to help, and she was determined to get involved in any way she could.
Mary and Francis talked in low voices as they continued their walk around the castle, while also continuing to update one another on everything that had happened over the past three days.
Their conversation soon returned to the three men in the prison cells…
"I really would like to arrange a meeting to speak with Bash," said Francis. "I believe your theory about he and I being brothers may be correct," he added, when Mary turned to look at him.
There was a look of pain in his eyes, and Mary knew that this was a difficult matter for Francis to process. It this theory turned out to be correct, it would be yet another reminder of his father's lies and betrayal, along with a possible betrayal of his potential half-brother himself, if he was found guilty during his trial.
"I always tried not to pay too much attention to my father's mistresses," Francis continued to explain, a hint of bitterness in his voice as his facial expression reflected the pain in his eyes.
Mary felt a tug of sympathy on his behalf. She could only imagine how painful and confusing it had been for him, to have his father parading his mistresses in front of Francis and other family members.
"But now," he added, "seeing all the photos of Diane in the media since the attack…there is something very familiar about her…I'm sure she has been a regular visitor to the French castle, even up until fairly recently. I remember seeing a woman who looked a lot like her frequently standing close to my father. And the wooden ring you sometimes wore around your neck…well, when I first saw it, I was sure I recognised it from somewhere. I can vaguely remember a woman at the French castle wearing a ring that looked like that…it must have been hers…
Mary felt an uncomfortable twist of guilt at the mention of the ring that Bash had given to her. She couldn't help thinking about her necklace, with the key and the ring and the little house. It seemed strange now, after everything that had happened, and the knowledge of who she had become, to think that the three objects on the necklace had seemed to represent what she had once believed to be her only three choices in life.
"As for Bash," said Francis, "I felt as though I knew him from the moment I met him…I know it sounds rather strange, and I couldn't really explain it at the time, but when I met him, it was like reuniting with a long lost relative. It did not surprise me as much as it should have, when you suggested that we might be brothers."
Mary nodded in understanding. Francis and Bash had seemed to be close from the start of the matchmaking process, in spite of their conflicts that had followed, and the theory of Bash being Francis's half-brother already seemed to make sense to Francis, even though he clearly knew that Bash being his brother would only add more complications to his life, in light of recent events and current circumstances.
"I know he might have been involved in some terrible things," said Francis, "and I'm not just going to put that to one said because we might be related, but I feel I should meet with him and talk to him and try to find out what his story is. I want to try to establish what the truth is. Perhaps there is more to his story, and he may also know something of his mother's whereabouts, and if there is any risk of further attacks by the rebels."
"I'm sure a meeting could be arranged," said Mary. She wasn't sure if Bash would tell Francis anymore than he had already told her, especially with regards to Diane, but Mary knew it was worth a try, and she could tell that it was important to Francis, to hear Bash's side of the story, and to find out if they really were brothers. Perhaps it would heal some of Francis's past issues with his father, if he had this shared connection with Bash.
There was something else Mary wished to share with Francis: "In spite of all the awful schemes that Bash may have been involved in in some way," she said, "I do think he helped to save your life, on the night of the attack. He looked so afraid as he ran towards you in the gardens, and he used the fabric of his own shirt to help slow your bleeding. I begged him to go and find medical support for you, and it looks like he did just that. He was my last hope to save you that night," Mary added, as she wiped a tear away from her cheek. "He was the only other person in the gardens who I could see at the time. If he had not alerted the medical team, I'm not sure if you…"
Mary was unable to finish her sentence, with the terrifying alternative still too painful to think about, but Francis nodded in understanding of what she was saying. "I will see if I can arrange a visit to the prison tomorrow, and find out more," he said. "What do you think?"
"I think it will be a difficult visit," said Mary, "as it was for me, but I also think it is the right thing to do."
Mary knew that some of the things Francis might hear would be painful, but she also sensed that Francis needed answers as much as she did. And, selfishly, there was a part of her that was grateful that Francis seemed to be planning on staying in Scotland for another day, at least.
Mary and Francis found themselves walking in the direction of the castle gardens.
"I feel I must also try to negotiate in some way with Narcisse," said Francis, a little hesitantly this time as they both walked through the open doors and into the gardens. "Perhaps there is a way to reunite him with his son as some sort of bargaining chip…"
"You're going to offer him a pardon as a way of bribing him into future good behaviour?" Mary asked Francis with a frown. She was a bit shocked, and she couldn't help feeling a little dubious about this plan.
"I can only begin to consider negotiating with him if it is found that he had no involvement in the attack," Francis said quickly. "If it turns out that he was involved, then he must face the legal repercussions of his actions. I can only make decisions regarding his behaviour in France, not in Scotland. There is still a lot to consider, but I'm sure he will continue to torment us all if he does not find out the information he needs about his son. I have to think further about it, but I feel it might be worth offering him something, in order to avoid having to deal with him as a constant thorn in our sides."
Mary promised Francis that she would consider what he had said, and both agreed that the matter of Narcisse was something that they would discuss again in the near future.
They both paused to observe the gardens for a little while, standing still as they looked into the distance.
Mary's eyes were drawn to the wall on the outskirts of the gardens. She remembered how she and Bash had managed to climb over it, when they had been sneaking out of the castle. It had been difficult to climb, but not impossible. If only Mary had been more concerned about this at the time; if only she had taken security more seriously. She had put so much faith in the idea that the guards who regularly patrolled the gardens would protect them, in case the wall could be scaled by others from the other side. And yet, most of the guards had proved to be untrustworthy.
Francis was watching Mary with an expression of concern. "Are you ready to walk further into the gardens?" he asked her. "It is absolutely fine if you are not."
Mary felt a prickle of fear. They both knew the direction they were going to walk in…the place where Francis had been injured; where Mary had thought she had lost him.
But Mary wanted to be brave.
"No, it's fine, I want to try," she insisted.
She needed to see for herself that the gardens were safe now. She did not want to feel this same sense of fear every time she wanted to get some fresh air and take a walk in the gardens. The castle gardens had often been a place of sanctuary to her, and she did not want that to change.
Mary held Francis's hand as they both walked in the direction of the fountain in the garden.
As they got closer to the site of the event that had almost ended in tragedy, Mary's heart started to beat faster, and she took short, sharp breaths. Perhaps she hadn't been as ready for this as she had thought she had been.
The realisation of how close she had been to losing Francis; how close the rebels had been to winning, was starting to hit her all over again. Last night, she had been able to temporarily forget about all of this, lost in a feeling of bliss with Francis in the privacy of her room, but today, she was having to face the reality of all the unpleasant memories all over again.
"Mary, it's okay; you're okay; we're okay," Francis said gently, apparently sensing Mary's anxiety.
He stood opposite Mary and carefully took her shaking hands in his. "It's over now," he continued to whisper as he leaned down a little to look right into Mary's eyes. "You're safe."
Mary held Francis's hands a little tighter, holding onto him as if he were her lifeline as she tried not to let the memories come flooding back.
"Focus on your breathing," Francis instructed as Mary tried to take deep, calming breaths. "I'm here, I'm here with you. We are here together."
Francis's words about being here with her actually helped to calm Mary down a little, and she started to match her breathing to his.
She tried not to think about how she would feel when Francis could not be here for her, however temporarily, when the sense of duty became too strong and he had to return home. It was an issue that Mary would have to address soon, but she didn't feel ready just yet.
"Pretend that we are in the gardens in France," Francis whispered to her, "where it is peaceful."
Mary leaned in closer to him, their foreheads touching.
She did as Francis had instructed, imagining that the two of them were standing in the clearing in the little forest in the French gardens, with white petals falling gently on their heads. She remembered their time spent there as children; she remembered asking Francis to marry her there; she remembered their perfect first kiss under the tree there only recently.
And despite everything else that had happened in between, Mary suddenly felt a rush of gratitude. She was so grateful that Francis had survived his injuries and was now on the road to recovery. She was grateful that he had confessed his feelings for her; that he had told her that he loved her. She was grateful for the kisses they had shared, and the time they had spent together last night. Mary had never thought that she would have the opportunity to experience a love like this.
Francis was still standing so close to her, and Mary basked in the connection, drawing strength from him.
As she gathered her strength, Mary could feel her courage rising, along with her determination. She knew that there would be more painful moments; more tough days, but she also knew that she would have to find a way to get through all of it, for others more than for herself. She had a responsibility to the people of Scotland. She felt a renewed determination to bring to justice those who had been involved in the attack; to ensure that something like that did not happen again.
She knew that she had changed since the night of the attack, and she hoped that this change would be for the better, even if she couldn't fully appreciate it yet.
Mary did not want to live the rest of her life in fear; she did not want the people of Scotland to feel the fear that she had felt recently, day after day.
She lifted her head a little and looked Francis right in the eye, feeling a little better and more grounded in the knowledge that he was here to support her.
She could feel that shift in the atmosphere again, in the way that she had felt it just before she and Francis had kissed under the tree in France.
Mary took a subtle step forward, at the same time that she felt Francis gently pulling her a little closer to him, closing the gap between them.
Mary pressed her lips to his, and she felt Francis kissing her in return. This kiss was more soft and gentle than their more desperate, frantic kisses when Francis had first arrived at Mary's room last night; it was a delicate press of lips, more a comfort and a reassurance this time than an urgent expression of feelings.
They stayed like that for a little while, holding each other in the garden, trying to turn this place into one of happy memories that could be stronger than the unhappy ones, occasionally sharing gentle kisses as they drew strength from one another, and sharing comfort as they tried to reassure one another that everything would be okay.
It was only later in the day that the feelings of guilt and regret started to catch up with Mary again, the negative emotions threatening to overwhelm her.
The doctors and therapists working in the hospital wing had warned her that this could happen, especially in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event, when her mind was still processing everything that had happened, but still the reassurances that all of these feelings were completely normal did little to calm Mary during the times when they started to set in.
She had a feeling that surveying all the wreckage of the attack in the castle today, along with all the talk of Francis's imminent return to France, had pushed her into this temporary dark place.
Mary knew that Francis was currently meeting with his advisors, and she was very much aware that they would all be encouraging him to return to France as soon as possible, in order to reassure his own subjects that he was committed to serving them as their new king, and to show any potential rivals for the throne that he was going to be very much present in his kingdom. On a practical level, Mary understood why he would have to return home soon, but still she feared that she would lose him to his kingdom if he did. Mary was confident of Francis's love for her now, and they had certainly been acting like a couple since the events of last night, but still Mary was afraid that personal feelings would have to be set aside when it came to the practicalities of ruling two kingdoms.
And there were still so many unanswered questions-the full motivations of the three men currently in prison cells, and whether all three men would be facing trial, along with Diane's whereabouts, after she had mysteriously escaped after she had been arrested, and the whereabouts of other rebels who had fled and avoided arrest. If they were not caught soon, then there was always the possibility that they could regroup and plan something else.
And of course, the grief over the loss of Mary's father was still so raw. She had not yet had the time to truly start to mourn her father's death, and she knew that when that grief really did start to hit her, her emotions would be thrown into further turmoil.
So much had happened, and still there would be so much more that Mary and her family would have to face soon; her father's funeral would soon take place, and funerals for royals were always big events, with many mourners attending, and it would all seem so real then. Then there would be Mary's coronation not long after, another huge event that would require a lot of planning and precision, and it would take place in the wake of a tragedy. Not to mention all the official announcements that would soon be expected about James's abdication and Mary's new role as queen, and some sort of decision would have to be made about how the matchmaking show was going to end.
The pressure to move forward, to make decisions and announcements about the future when Mary felt like her mind was still stuck in the recent past, playing the events of the attack over and over in her head in the aftermath, was also overwhelming her, along with the knowledge that Francis might be pressured to make decisions about his future as the king of France; a future that might not involve Scotland.
It all seemed like too much to think about…Mary was determined not to give up, or give in to the despair, but she had decided to take a few moments to retreat from what felt like a never-ending battle; to wallow in self-pity for a little while before she put on a brave face again and returned to her duties.
Mary took solace in one of the castle's meeting rooms, seeking reassurance from perhaps the unlikeliest of people…
"I have made so many mistakes, Catherine," Mary confessed with a sigh as she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes for a few moments, letting the sense of despair washing over her.
Catherine was currently sitting opposite Mary in the meeting room, watching her with a contemplative expression on her face.
Mary knew that many would be surprised by her choice to confide in Catherine; after all, Catherine had not particularly seemed to like Mary very much for some years now, and she had often seemed to be working against her. But Mary felt that maybe it was precisely because Catherine had no vested interested in simply telling Mary what she wanted to hear, or keeping on Mary's side without getting anything out of it in return, that she would perhaps be the best person to talk to right now. She would be more honest in her responses, and she wouldn't sugar-coat things, and she would be less biased than those who were closer to the Scottish royals would be. Mary felt like she needed someone to be blunt and direct with her now, as her own thoughts were so muddled and confused.
Last night, she had felt as though she had taken another step forward, but now she felt like she had taken two steps back, and she needed someone to give her that push forwards again.
Besides, only recently, Catherine had been the one to inspire Mary to be brave in the immediate aftermath of the attack and to step out and face the media and the people of Scotland with her head held high in order to reassure them. Mary was not sure if she would have found the strength to face her fears and give that speech, if it hadn't been for Catherine's words to her beforehand.
"I have made some really poor decisions," Mary continued, as Catherine continued to listen to her. "During these quieter moments, when I really have time to think and reflect, my mind is still tormented by how things could have been even worse than they were, and all the ways I might have avoided us getting into this terrible mess in the first place."
If only she had been more diligent, Mary thought to herself. If only she had connected the dots more accurately between the whispers and the footsteps she had constantly heard in the castle, and the threats she had received, and the photographs that had proved that at least one person had been following her during the matchmaking process. If only she had paid more attention to the guards' strange behaviour and realised that they always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"I have been so naïve and foolish," said Mary. "I have put my trust in the wrong people, and not trusted the right ones enough."
She thought about how she had been charmed and manipulated by those who had later betrayed her; how she had at times not listened to those who hadn't actually been working against her. She had missed several crucial signs and hints. How could she avoid the same thing happening again? She had to find a way.
And then there were those who she had let down in other ways, and she could see that more clearly now. James had been going through a lot over the past few years-Henry had revealed as much to her in France, and Mary hadn't been there for her brother; Mary hadn't even known what was going on with him-he hadn't reached out to her, and she hadn't found a way to reach out to him, even after Henry had spilled his secrets. She still hadn't found the right moment to talk to him about everything that had happened.
All this time, while she was being sweet-talked and charmed by Bash and Conde, and manipulated by Narcisse like a puppet on a string, and lied to by Aloysius, and telling herself that the whispers and the footsteps and the sense that people were spying on her were merely figments of her over-active imagination, products of her paranoia, she could have instead been using the time she had been given to reach out to her brother; to spend more quality time with her father; to get to know Francis better and learn from his experience about how he had learned to face all his challenges as a royal, and maybe they could have come up with more solutions to France and Scotland's problems together, and maybe things wouldn't have gone as badly as they had in Scotland…
"Yes," Catherine agreed, her tone somehow both soft and blunt and matter-of-fact all at the same time. "And inevitably, there will, at times, be more bad decisions on your part as the future unfolds…"
Mary looked up at Catherine, a little shocked by her response.
"All royals have had their moments of making disastrous decisions and misjudgements, Mary, and then having to deal with the consequences. All royals have put their trust in the wrong people at one time or another. All royals have had their moments when they have acted out of self-preservation, and fear. We are royals, but we are human, too. Being royal means being in a precarious position, day after day. Sometimes, we have to act at a moment's notice, and we are forced to make hasty decisions. There will always be an enemy at the door; always a battle to fight; a castle and a crown to defend. We do what we need to do to survive."
"But you will also make good decisions," Catherine added after a few moments' pause. "Decisions that will improve the lives of many in your country. You will have power and influence on a huge scale that most could only dream of in their lifetimes. That power and influence can always be used to do remarkable things. But there will always be a risk. You can and will make mistakes on a wider scale than most…but you will also have a greater opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes. And that is all that you can do-learn from past mistakes and bad decisions and do everything in your power to try not to repeat them; always resolve to do things better next time, with the benefit of hindsight. Learn who is loyal to you, and who is not; look at the errors of the past and strive for a better future. Royalty is a calling, as much as it is often a birth right. Anyone who has a chance at the crown has to weigh up whether the calling to this duty, and what can be accomplished, and the history that could be made, are greater than the turmoil we will inevitably face along the way."
It was clear that Catherine had already worked out that Mary was going to be the next queen of Scotland, because she added: "Being queen will give you access to power and levels of decision-making that being a princess will not, and that level of responsibility will have both advantages and disadvantages. There will always be the bad with the good. There is no getting away from that."
Mary nodded. She understood what Catherine was saying; she too had felt that calling, and the sense of duty, from the moment that James had first informed her that the role as queen could be hers. She knew it was likely that this sense of destiny had been there, right under the surface, for a little while now, as her new role had felt so right from the moment she'd accepted it, but perhaps she had been in such a deep sense of denial about this calling for so long that she hadn't wanted to face up to what her destiny could be. But still the sense of guilt and not being good enough was weighing heavily on her, and she worried about the lives that could be affected by her behaviour.
"There have been moments," said Mary with a sigh, "especially when I first woke up after the attack, when I have wondered if things would have just been easier and better for everyone if I had run away from the castle on the day of the matchmaking show, like I'd thought about doing…"
She thought about how she had felt, when she had first heard that Francis was in the hospital wing, fighting for his life; when she had heard of her father's death; when she had surveyed the wreckage in the castle and in the gardens. Would it have been easier, if she had somehow managed to avoid all that? Would less people have been hurt if she hadn't got involved in the matchmaking show? These thoughts still seemed to torment her at her worst moments.
"You should think about the person you might have become if you had just done that, and compare her with who you are now," said Catherine. "I know that recent events have not been easy on you, Mary, but they have also been a great learning experience. You should consider how different things would have been, if you had refused to face up to everything that was going to happen anyway.
"Why are you giving me such good advice?" Mary asked Catherine with a confused frown after a brief silence. "Over recent years, you have seemed to despise me, or you've mistrusted me, at the very least. It is simply because you feel sorry for me, after the attack? I would much rather have your hatred than your pity.
"Oh, Mary," said Catherine with an exasperated-sounding sigh, "I have never despised you, in the way that you seemed to think I did. I have many friends and allies and rivals and enemies, and up until recently, you were never enough of a threat to truly be on my radar, or for any of this to be personal."
Mary couldn't help rolling her eyes, in spite of her distress.
"You must not forget that our countries have been enemies for a long time," said Catherine. "We've all put on a good show, but our families were still rivals throughout the matchmaking process. You too have learnt the hard way about getting too close to potential enemies. I have more experience of this than you do, and I was not going to make that mistake during the matchmaking process."
Mary shuddered at yet another reminder of the mistakes that she had made during the matchmaking process.
"But I saw potential in you," said Catherine, "from the moment you snuck into the French castle at the age of sixteen, right under my husband's nose. And so, you had my respect, at least. You just needed to be pushed more; tested to achieve your true potential. And that's why I was often so hard on you."
A few minutes later, Catherine left the room, leaving Mary with a lot to think about. Mary thought about one thing in particular that Catherine had advised her to do, and she tried to imagine who she would have been, if she had left the castle before the matchmaking show had started filming, refusing to participate and therefore not experiencing all the negative events that had followed, or if her parents had simply set her up with a handsome noble or accountant or politician, as she'd once hoped they would, meaning that the matchmaking show would have been very different….
Mary imagined that she would likely have moved to London, and she would probably have lived in a house that resembled her doll's house in appearance. She would have drawn and painted and read books, perhaps helped to write political speeches. She would have bought plenty of pretty dresses and jewels and attended lots of parties and events with her handsome husband. She probably would have spent a little more time with Greer, and she would have encountered girls like Lola and Kenna at parties. She would have taken holidays in France, and maybe bought a sophisticated apartment in Paris. She might have returned to Scotland for the occasional royal event, more for PR reasons than anything else, and she might have attended a few parties in Edinburgh, but day to day life in Scotland would probably have meant very little to her, as she would not really have understood her country in this alternative timeline.
On paper, it was a good life; a sparkling and a pretty one…but there was a shallowness to it, too…an emptiness, almost, now that Mary really thought about it. She would likely have not achieved her full potential, living a life like that.
She would never have become the type of person who had been able to passionately give heartfelt speeches to an assembled crowd, hoping more than anything that her speeches would resonate with those who were listening, instead of possibly just writing speeches for somebody else.
She would never have become the kind of person who travelled to other countries, not just for fancy holidays but for diplomatic purposes, hoping to represent the interests of her country and her family.
She would never have become the kind of person who heard the stories of so many people, starting to learn how all these stories and histories weaved together, while still being eager to hear and learn more.
She would never have truly understood that not everyone was inherently a good person, or learnt to start to guard herself better against lies and manipulation.
She would never have found the strength to run back into a castle that was under attack, the lives of those she loved more important than her own.
She would never have been the person who, in the midst of chaos and fear and loss and tragedy, could hold her head up high and face each disaster head on, putting on a brave face in spite of her own inner turmoil.
She would never have known Francis's love or come to realise just how much she loved him in return.
With time and more healing, Mary hoped that she would come to understand that she was a better person, for having gone through everything that she had been through over the past couple of years.
For now, Mary wanted to get started on doing better. She felt like she could start to ease some of the turmoil in her mind by doing something useful.
She left the meeting room and headed in the direction of one of the corridors that had endured the most damage during the attack.
Even as she walked alone through the corridors, the castle's staff and visitors all paused what they were doing to bow and curtsy to her. Something had changed about the way people were behaving in her presence, Mary realised. They had always known her as a princess, but they really did seem to be looking to her as an authority figure now. Again, Mary got the impression that they already knew somehow, that she was going to be their next queen.
She approached a group of senior staff and she requested to help with the clean up for the evening, hoping that the physical work would not only help others but also distract her from her own troubles.
There was a little protest about Mary's plans at first, as several of the senior staff were certain that it was against protocol, for a member of the royal family to be directly involved in the clearing pf the rubble from the castle, and they were concerned about the injuries that Mary had sustained during the attack, fearing that she was only going to make those injuries worse, but Mary was insistent.
Mary knew that there would be times when she would have to concede to those around her, due to their more specialised knowledge on a subject, and their greater wisdom and experience with regards to certain policies, but there would also be times when she would have to stand her ground, to ensure that she was heard and respected, and to show that she could make her own decisions, especially decisions about her own actions.
Mary felt like now was one of those times to go with her own instincts.
It was one thing, to give official speeches about rebuilding the castle and continuing to do royal duties, but Mary felt that to truly help with the rebuilding, and to be helpful to those around her, and to truly understand the rebuilding process, she was also going to have to do some of the more practical, physical work.
Mary still didn't know what the immediate future held, but as she rolled up her sleeves and started helping to clear away the mess in the castle, she felt like she was in the right place to learn from past mistakes and to start to move forward.
That evening, Mary ended up back in her room, sewing together the old patchwork blanket with her brother again.
Like before, the act of repairing the blanket was therapeutic, especially after a long day of mixed emotions.
Mary had paid a quick visit to the hospital wing for yet another check-up before she returned to her room, and of course to check on Francis, who was going to be spending the night there.
France had been surrounded by medical staff and advisors, but he had smiled at Mary when she caught his eye, looking genuinely happy to see her there. They had looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, sharing so much without words, and then Francis had nodded and smiled almost sadly at Mary as she'd left the hospital wing, as though acknowledging that he understood that they would have to sleep separately tonight. Mary wished more than anything that Francis could have spent another night in her room with her, but she understood that his health had to come first, and if the medical staff thought it best for him stay in the hospital wing, then he would have to stay. She felt that they had already been extra lenient, in allowing Francis to spend the night with Mary last night.
As Mary put another stitch into the Scottish flag, she noticed that James looked deep in thought. Mary sensed that there was something else he wanted to say, and it looked like he was trying to find the words.
"I assume it was Henry who told you," James finally said, "about the gambling and the debts and my…other indiscretions in France."
"James-" Mary started to say, sensing her brother's discomfort. This was a conversation that Mary had been wanting to have with her brother for a while, as James's secret history had been an elephant in the room since Mary had found out, but she knew that it would be difficult for him to talk about this now, with everything that had happened recently.
"Mary, it's all right," said James. "I know that what I did was wrong, and I'm not trying to justify my behaviour. I've been meaning to talk about this with you for a while, especially since we ended up getting into an argument about it recently. I had a feeling that you would find out about it all eventually. It seems obvious now, that Henry would have tried to use this information to get to you. Did you think really badly of me, when you found out?" he asked Mary, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable, and ashamed.
"I didn't think badly of you, not really," Mary told him, trying in some way to reassure him. She could see how deeply he regretted his actions now. "I was shocked at first, and I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. I think I wanted to convince myself that Henry was just lying to try to get a reaction out of me. And after a little while, I felt sad that you had kept it all from me; that you had not confided in me. We had always been close, and hearing about your secret life seemed to be a heavy hint that that closeness had come to an end. We have been through so much together, James, but I felt that you could not trust me enough to share this less-than-perfect side of yourself…or perhaps you thought I was too self-absorbed to care about what you were going through."
"It was not like that, Mary," James interrupted. "I think I was ashamed more than anything; ashamed that you would see that your brother who you once looked up to was not the perfect future king he pretended to be. I also feared that you would be 'guilty by association' somehow, if the media ever found out; perhaps they would think that you had helped to cover up my scandals. There was no reason for the two of us to be blamed for my reckless actions. I knew it would be easier for you, if the scandals ever got out and you could honestly say that you'd had no idea. And of course I feared that I would put even more pressure on you if you found out; I always thought that our parents would be less concerned about your acts of rebellion if they believed that at least one of their children was behaving well. If my problems with gambling and excessive partying became known, then the pressure on you to behave impeccably during the matchmaking process would only have increased. It would have been much more difficult for you to disassociate yourself from life as a royal-if you had chosen to do that-if there had been any concerns about scandals that could have affected my capability to rule effectively."
Mary knew that James had been protecting her, in his own way; trying to keep her escape route open without dragging her into his scandals, but this idea did not make her feel much better about James's decision not to confide in her.
"James," said Mary, "I appreciate that you were concerned about what would happen if I found out, but still I wish that you had told me. I would have been shocked at first, but I would not have turned away from you. We could have come up with a solution together, or talked about the reasons behind you turning towards these behaviours in the first place. I am not sorry that Henry told me the truth; I never truly understood how unhappy you were with royal life, and I feel I understand you better now."
James nodded, apparently accepting Mary's words of reassurance.
"James," Mary added, "those days after we argued, and we weren't speaking to each other, they were awful. I don't ever want us to go back to that. We are in this together. We need to be more honest with each other, from now on. I am trusting you to be my leading advisor, and I need you to trust me in return. There can be no more secrets when the kingdom of Scotland is in our hands."
"I agree," said James, "and I promise to do better from now on, not just for my own sake, but for you, and for Scotland. My behaviour during that argument was appalling. I was angry, and concerned about my upcoming wedding. I felt trapped, and like any chance at future happiness was over. I know I took it all out on you, and I'm sorry."
Mary nodded, accepting James's apology. "Things will be better from now on," she insisted. "We can both look for solutions to our problems together, and I am sure that Francis will be more forgiving than his father was, about your behaviour in France, now that he is king."
There was a look of hope in her brother's eyes, like he could finally see a happier future for himself.
"And on that note," Mary continued, "there is something I need your help with, in your new role as my most trusted advisor…something I want to check, to see if it is possible, in legal and historical terms, before I make any public announcements. I will need your help with searching our old records, documents and history books."
James seemed to know exactly what Mary was referring to. "I will meet you in the library after the meeting tomorrow morning," he said, "and I will help you to come up with a plan."