A lot of this chapter has been cut to follow the rules on ffnet, if you want to read all of it, head over to my archive of our own page. Same username, same title for the fic!

You're a candle in the window On a cold, dark winter's night - Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore - REO Speedwagon, 1984

"Can you check over Char while I tell them?" Ellie asks Joel. I feel his eyes on me and then his hand on my arm.

"C'mon," he says. I close up my medical pouch with still shaking hands.

But now they're shaking for a different reason.

As soon as the closed pouch is in my hand, Joel is helping me stand up. He walks me through the room, through the small hallway, and into the room he and Henry first settled in.

He shuts the door behind us. I walk over to my bag and attach my medical pouch back onto the outside of it. We've only got a few medical pouches for a group of five for a multi-state hike to Wyoming.

"We'll be alright," Joel says. I turn to see him leaning back against the door of the room. I nod mechanically. He sighs. "Up," he says as he walks over to me.

"You think you were bit?" He asks quietly. I shake my head.

"I just, I want to make sure. I don't trust myself."

"Alright," he says. His hands come up to rest on my hips for a brief second before he reaches behind me and pulls my back holster off my jeans. Then he pulls the holster off of my right hip and places them on the floor beside us.

And then his hands are back on my hips. They move to the front of my jeans. He unbuttons them easily before he carefully pulls down the zipper. He pulls them down, his hands sliding down the outside of my thighs as he crouches in front of me.

There's a small smirk on his face and I look away when I realize I'm rubbing my legs together. He's even slower then, his fingers trailing down my calves. He pauses when he gets down to my ankles.

"I don't know why I'm surprised," he says as he removes the holster around my ankle. He starts untying my boots. He grabs my wrists and puts my hands on his shoulders. He holds them there for a second and squeezes. When I look down at him, he's looking up at me.

He pulls my boots off one by one. And then my socks. And then he helps me step out of my jeans. One second he's crouched in front of me and the next he's standing so close my nose bumps against his chest. I breathe out a laugh and struggle to stifle the moan that falls out when his hands come up to rest on my lower stomach.

His hands move up too slowly. And instead of going where I want them to go, they move around my sides and up my back. He pulls back slightly and makes me raise my arms. My shirt falls to the floor beside us. My arms fall back down to my sides as I look away, my cheeks burning.

His hands rest on my shoulders as he makes me turn around. His hands move from my shoulders down my arms. He moves them slightly, looking over every inch of skin until he's satisfied he doesn't see any bite marks.

And then he moves to my back. His hands start on my lower back. He moves them up slowly, so slowly I can feel every callus on his hands. The ones on the tips of his fingers are harder than the others.

"Do you play guitar?" His hands pause.

"How'd you know?"

"The tips of your fingers are rougher," I manage to squeak as his hands start moving upwards. They move around me, one hand hooks under the edge of my sports bra while the other runs slowly up my sternum. His nose bumps against my temple as he starts to pull the fabric up.

He uses both hands to pull it over my head. And instead of letting both of my arms fall back down, he pulls them back over his shoulders. He runs his knuckles over the sides of my breasts and I hear his quiet chuckle.

"One of them could run in here at any moment," he says in my ear.

"So hurry," I say as I push my chest forward.

"No," he says.

"Joel," I whine and he bumps his nose against mine.

"Everything okay?" Ellie calls from the other room.

"Yeah, just takin' all these damn things outta Char's hair so I can check her neck," Joel calls back and I pout up at him as his hands move to do as he says. "What?" He asks more quietly once he touches the wig. I move one of my arms down to my head and pull the wig away.

"Where the hell did you even get that?" He asks as he takes it from me and throws it across the room with all of the hair pins. His hands immediately go to work, pulling the braids out of my hair.

"A wig shop in a mall in Pennsylvania." His hands pause in my hair.

"You're not-"

"Nope, definitely not British," I say as he starts working on the braids again.

"Should'a known you're a red head, you're so fiery," I lean back into him, craving his warmth. "Anything about you real?" He asks, his voice gruff. I roll my eyes and pull one of his hands from my hair to my breast.

"What do you think?" I ask him.

"I think that you're gonna be the death of me," he sighs. But there's no heat to it. "We ain't got time for me to do half the things I want to do to you."

"Joel-"

"Uh-uh," he says. "Be good and let me finish checkin' you over-"

"Checkin' me out-"

"Keep bein' a brat and I'll tease you all night," he whispers in my ear as he pulls out the last of my braids. He runs his hand through my hair, pulling out the tangles and letting my curls fall over my shoulders.

The hand that was once in my hair moves down my side slowly. Until he reaches the waistband of my underwear. He hooks his finger inside before he pulls them down my legs. He taps the outside of my right leg for me to step out of them. I follow his unspoken instructions.

"Good girl," he whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms back around me. "Let me finish checkin' you over and I'll make you feel good, okay?"

"What about you?" I whisper back. He kisses me behind my ear.

"You say that like I could last more than a minute after seeing you like this," he murmurs as he steps away from me. I immediately miss his warmth. His hands run down my back, move slowly over my ass before he squeezes.

"Joel," I laugh quietly when he kisses the back of my leg. I hear him stand behind me again before his hands are on my shoulders. He turns me around slowly, and when I face him, his eyes are on everything but my face.

"You're good," he whispers. It's almost as if he's having to reassure himself. His hands reach out and hold onto my hips as he finally looks up at me. "You're good," he says as he pulls me into his chest.

"Are you good?" I ask as I bury my face in his neck.

"Yeah, the closest an infected got to me was the one that tore up Kathleen."

"I was so scared," I whisper.

"Me too," his voice cracks. We stand there for a minute before his hands come down to my hips again. He clears his throat. "Gonna be good for me?"

I nod against his neck.

"Good, turn around," he pats the side of my leg and I do as he says. He laughs when I almost trip from turning so quickly. "What's your real name?" He asks as he pulls me back into his chest.

"Charlie."

"Short for-"

"No," I tilt my head up and pout at him. "But that's why I went with it, cause' everyone always assumed that." Joel looks down at me for a second before his eyes flick up to my lips before they go back to my eyes. "Please?"

"Such a brat until I've got you in my arms," he murmurs. "Look at you, so submissive." I start to say his name, but he cuts me off. His lips press against mine and I hold onto his arms for dear life.

If you'd like to read the shameless smut, head over to archive of our own!

"Come on, let's get you dressed-"

"But-"

"You've had enough for the night, darlin'." I feel butterflies in my stomach at the name. It was one thing to hear it earlier, in the heat of the moment. But there's nothing pushing us, putting us on edge. Joel actually looks relaxed for once.

Did he really mean what he said? That he wanted me to be his? He carefully pulls my underwear up my legs before he slips my shirt over my head.

"Alright, let's get you up," he says. I groan as I get up, my legs sore from the day and from the last few minutes. "I know," he says as he helps me into my jeans. "And here you were begging for more."

"I could've taken it."

"And I would've had to carry you all day tomorrow."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I tease as he bends down to start helping me back into my socks and boots.

"It is for my knees."

"Once we get settled somewhere we can start working on taking care of them," I say as I run my hands through his hair. I try to comb it out a bit with my fingers, so it's somewhat presentable and not the bird's nest I turned it into.

"I'm old, Char."

"What was that about putting a baby in me?" I ask him. He tilts his head up to look at me. It's like there's a storm in his eyes. "You're going to keep your word on that, Joel Miller. And you're going to be around for our kiddos for a long time, you hear me?" He looks at me for a second before he swallows and nods.

He stands slowly and rests his hands on my hips.

"Next time you say somethin' like that, expect to not be able to walk for the next few days, Charlie." I force myself to not smile.

"Yes, sir."

"You little-"

"Joel!" Ellie calls from the other room. "It doesn't take that long to look for bites! Is she okay?"

"Other than bein' a little shit? Yeah, she's fine!" He calls back. "We're makin' plans for later on."

"Is that what they called it back in the day?"

"Jesus," I whisper and drop my head against his chest. He shakes with laughter.

"Sorry for using the one child-free moment to come up with a concrete plan!" He somehow manages to keep his amusement from his voice.

"Yeah, yeah," Ellie calls back.

"Fuck me," I whisper.

"Already di-oof!" Joel huffs out a laugh when I push him forward. "Come on honey-"

"You're this close to the dog house," I say, holding up two fingers close to each other. "This close, Cowboy."

"Yes ma'am," he says as he pulls me back against him. I don't try to hide my own laughter as I hold him close.

We're alive.

"You were wearing a wig this entire time?" Ellie screeches when I walk back into the kid's room.

"Ellie-"

"You are from Texas you liar!"

"I ain't from Texas," I say as I rest a hand on my hip.

"You said all your exes live in Texas!"

"Jesus," Joel says behind me.

"It's a song, sweetheart."

"What's going on?" Henry asks. He and Sam have matching looks of confusion on their faces.

"I wore a wig and changed my accent to hide my identity from the Fireflies," I say and sign as I walk over to them. "I had a feeling that one day they would turn to acting like FEDRA themselves, and I wanted to get away when that happened."

"Did that happen?" Sam signs before anyone else can speak.

"Yeah. It happened."

"But Ellie said you guys were going to Wyoming, to get directions to the Fireflies from his brother," Henry nods towards Joel.

"We were. And we still are if that's what Ellie wants after I tell y'all everything."

"And if I don't want to go to the Fireflies after this?" Ellie asks quietly from Sam's side.

"Then we go to see Tommy anyways." I sit down on the bed across from the kids.

"What did they do?" Ellie asks.

"Not tonight," Joel says as he drops all of our bags on the ground. I watch him put two of my guns on top of my bag before he walks between us to put the third on the nightstand.

"But-" Ellie tries to say.

"No," Joel shakes his head. "It's been a long couple of days. All of you need rest."

"So do you, Cowboy."

"I plan to," he looks back at me before turning to Henry. "Help me move that dresser in front of the door." They both walk over and start moving the heavy dresser across the room towards the door. "Well, what are you three waitin' for? Get to bed."

Ellie snickers at Joel as she slips off her shoes. Sam looks to me and I smile softly at him.

"Grumpy said to get to bed." Sam giggles.

He follows Ellie's lead and slips off his shoes before curling up on the bed beside her. They shift around under the covers a bit until Sam's head rests on Ellie's shoulder. Her arm is wrapped around him so they can both read the Savage Starlight comic together.

When Joel turns back around and sees them, he shakes his head. Henry just smiles at the scene.

"Was he able to check you over?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I'm clear," Henry says. "He is too."

"I turned around. I didn't want to walk in on you two. Gross." Ellie makes a face behind her comic.

"We were not-"

"Mom," she deadpans. And then her eyes widen and turn glossy. She opens her mouth, but for once, no words come out.

"Quit teasin' your mom," Joel says casually, like he's always called me that to her, as he walks over. "And we didn't have time to do anything for your information. Especially since one of you kids would'a walked in right when we got started."

"Joel Miller!" I shriek as he flops on the bed behind me. Ellie snorts. And then she drops the comic as her entire body shakes with laughter. I hear Henry's laughter join hers as he settles in the bed on the other side of Sam.

"Oh, you are so in the dog house now, old man," Ellie says.

"I know," Joel groans as he slips under the covers. "Now cut that damn light off and go to sleep." I shake my head as I slip off my boots and climb under the covers. Sam looks back and forth between Ellie and Henry, confused.

"Don't worry about it," Henry signs to Sam. "Joel is just being grumpy again." Sam nods before he settles back against Ellie and closes his eyes. I reach over and cut off the lantern that sits on the nightstand before I settle in the bed.

"Mom," Ellie whines.

"You need to sleep, baby girl."

"But-"

"You'll have plenty of time to read with Sam, but you both need sleep."

"I'm not even tired," she says as she dramatically smacks the comic on the nightstand.

"Yes you are," Joel says. I feel him turn on his side behind me. He props himself up to look over me at Ellie. "You'll be snorin' in a few minutes."

"No I won't," she says as she shifts closer to Sam.

I smile at their shadows as I shift back closer to Joel. One of his arms wraps around my waist while the other slides under my head. I close my eyes and just relax in the warmth. We're safe for now.

We'll make it to Wyoming. Together.

My thoughts are broken by Ellie's snores. I turn my head and hide my face in Joel's arm as I laugh. I feel his head hit my back as he starts to shake with laughter, too. I turn over in his arms and look up at him. I can't see much of his face, most of it's a shadow.

But I do see his smile.

I reach up and press my lips against his. It's the first time I've reached out for him. The first time I initiate a kiss.

One of his hands makes its way into my hair and I sigh as he pulls away.

"You need to sleep, too."

"You do, too."

"I will when you sleep."

"Joel," I whisper.

"I promise," he says as he plays with a strand of my hair. I move closer to him, burying my face in his chest.

"It's the first time since we've met that she hasn't wanted to sleep by me," I whisper to him.

"She'll end up over here by mornin'," Joel says as he moves both of us towards the center of the bed.

"You think?"

"I know. Now sleep darlin'."

"I'm only listenin' cause I like that nickname, Cowboy."

"I know you little brat."

"You like that I'm a brat," I whisper against his neck. His arm around my hip moves and he squeezes my ass. "Joel!"

"Go to sleep," he laughs as he drops his head to rest on top of mine.

"G'night Cowboy," my words slur together.

"Goodnight darlin'," he whispers in my hair.