Winter finally settled in. The snow has coated Berk fully, piles of snow covering the rooftops and the paths. It took them weeks of work to clear the paths from the heavy snow. Hiccup hated these first few weeks of Winter. His dad is too busy tending to the village and stacking the food supplies along with the armory to actually spend some time with him. Sure, they don't usually spend their days together but at least when Hiccup needs his dad or wants to sit in his lap, his dad will be available.
Now, his dad doesn't even sit so Hiccup can't really sit on his lap. Nor can he ask him for anything because he is met with I'm busy son, I have an entire village to tend to which will make Hiccup angry and then storm off to throw rocks in the water. Later on, his father had came back home with papers and new colours in hand.
Hiccup gasped in shock as he looked at them. Papers and ink were hard and rare to get, they're so expensive to the point that only Hiccup's dad and a few other families in the village who are well off have it. His dad not only brought him new papers, but coloured ink as well. When Hiccup looked up at his dad, he was met with an apologetic look.
"This is a way to make up to you, you know, for..uhh" Stoick looked to the side, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.
"Ignoring me?" Hiccup humphed, not taking the papers and coloured ink from his father.
Stoick shrank back at the accusary tone, momentarily forgetting that he is a giant of a man and not only the father of this child, but also his chief.
"I wasn't ignoring you!" Stoick was quick to defend himself.
"You were!" Hiccup pointed at him, face scrunched in anger.
"I.." Stoick stared at his son's adorably pouting face and sighed. He knew this is a battle he cannot win, not when Hiccup is so insistent on something. The boy could argue forever if only to prove his point, and while Stoick has his own fair of stubbornness as well, he does not have the patience for arguments.
"Why don't we leave it behind us and be friends again?" Stoick asked at last, holding back out the gifts as a peace offering.
Hiccup glared at him for a moment too long and then opened his arms, Stoick moved to put the gifts in his arms when Hiccup yelled his protest. Stoick raised a brow.
"Hug." Hiccup demanded, as if his order is not to be refused.
Stoick grinned, gently sitting down the papers and inks to kneel in front of his son and open his arms. Hiccup went into his arms, nuzzling against his beard before he pulled back to stare at his father solemnly.
"I want a kiss." Hiccup demanded again.
Stoick laughed, throwing his head back but gently cupped Hiccup's head and pressed a firm kiss on his hair. He let his hands fall to pull his boy into his arms again.
"Another." Hiccup's muffled voice came from Stoick's neck. His breath warm against his skin, a gentle comfort.
Stoick pressed another kiss to Hiccup's hair, holding him just a little bit more tight. Hiccup melted against him, as if deprived of this contact for weeks. Guilt welled up inside of Stoick as he realised that his son hasn't been given proper love and affection for the past weeks because Stoick had been too busy tending to the village.
"Are we good now?" Stoick whispered gently as he pulled Hiccup away but still kept him close.
Hiccup pressed a kiss to his cheek, then nodded. Stoick smiled, turning to the gifts and giving them to Hiccup. Hiccup took them in his hands with awe in his eyes.
"These would be a good entertainment, wouldn't they?" Stoick said gently, patting Hiccup's head. "Winter is here and you'll be spending much time here."
"And getting sick." Hiccuo said dreadfully.
Stoick's heart lurched. "Aye, let's not think about that huh?" he lifted Hiccup's chin to look in his eyes. "We will do this together."
"Yeah!" Hiccup said enthusiastically, giggling afterwards. Stoick patted his head one last time before he stood.
"Alright, put those away, we're going to bed." Stoick said as he stood up.
Hiccup whined, clutching his gifts a little bit tighter. "But I don't wanna sleep! I want to draw."
"And you can draw later," Stoick said as he took off his helmet and started undoing his cape. Next, he took off his shoulder armor and the spiked leather on his arms.
"But Daaaaaaad," Hiccup whined, plopping down on the floor. "I don't wanna sleep! I wanna drawww!"
"Hiccup," Stoick said as he knelt again. "Son, you'll have to sleep to be strong and awake enough tomorrow to draw whatever you want."
"But I'm awake now!" Hiccup argued, clutching the supplies a little bit tighter.
Stoick looked at the round, wide green eyes which are filled with incredible sadness and pleading. How can his son look at him like this? It's like Stoick killed his favourite yak and had him eat it for nattmal.
"I know son," Stoick said, breathing in to give himself patience and not snap at the boy. "But now, it's gotten late, and you have to sleep."
Hiccup whined, eyes filling with tears at the thought of not getting to draw tonight. Children, Stoick could never understand them. Simple things can make them so unbelievably upset, but at the same time, other simple things can be the world's greatest treasure to them. In Hiccup's case, it's both.
"Why don't I tell you the story about how you got your Nadder toy?" Stoick asked as he put a hand on Hiccup's knee.
Hiccup immediately perked up, dropping everything to go get his Nadder. Stoick quickly gathered everything and hid it all away before his son can get back into the room and see the betrayal his father has done to him.
Hiccup came back only a few seconds later, grinning from ear to ear with the promise of the story. Stoick shook his head fondly, offering Hiccup his hand. Together, they made their way towards the bed, where Stoick changed Hiccup's clothes for him and covered them with almost every blanket in the house. Hiccup snuggled closer to him, holding on tight to the stuffed Nadder in his small arms.
"I don't want that toy," Hiccup said as a conversation starter.
Stoick gave an amused chuckle. "I can understand why."
"You don't like dragons," Hiccup said softly, remembering his father's words about dragons.
"I don't." Stoick agreed.
"Then why did you bring me this toy?" Hiccup asked, peering at his dad with curious eyes.
"I didn't bring it you," Stoick breathed in deeply, absentmindedly stroking Hiccup's hair. "Your mother made it for you."
"My mother?" Hiccup asked, racking his brain for a memory of a mother. All his life, he never had a mother. He didn't think he ever had one, he just thought him and his dad just came into existence. All the other kids had a mum, Hiccup just doesn't have one.
"Yes." Stoick said gruffly, his grip on Hiccup tightening just a little bit more.
"I don't remember her," Hiccup said, trying to remember a mother he never had.
"She died when you were a baby," Stoick answered, his voice deep.
"Oh," what does died mean? It doesn't make sense. How can someone just disappear from existence like that? Where would they go? Why won't they come back? Why do people die? What does it mean to die?
"She made this for me?" Hiccup asked as he looked at the stuffed Nadder. He never really liked it, when he was younger he will make his dad lock it in a chest so he won't have to look at a dragon. It's only recently that he started leaving it on his table.
"Aye," Stoick chuckled, but it wasn't his usual happy chuckle or the amused one, this one felt more quiet and sedated. Almost like it's sad. But he can't be sad if he's laughing. Hiccup isn't stupid, he knows that when people laugh and smile, then they must be happy, not sad.
"She made you this, as a way to show her love to you," Stoick murmured, his hand still stroking Hiccup's hair. "It was her gift to you."
"Like my axe?" Hiccup piped up, lifting his head up to look at Stoick. "The one you ordered Gobber to make for me? She wanted to show her love for me the way you show me yours?"
"Indeed, son," Stoick whispered. "You're a clever lad. She wanted to show her love in her own way."
Silence fell over the room as both father and son pondered about that moment. Stoick aching for the woman he still loves and his heart squeezing for the boy in his arms who doesn't even know what a mother's love is like. Hiccup, who never had a mother or thought of one, didn't seem to know what to think of her or the toy.
His mother made this for him. His dad said it's out of love, so that means whoever his mother is, whoever this strange woman is, she loved him enough to make him a toy. But it didn't seem like she loved him enough to stay instead of dying. It feels like she just made him this toy to keep instead of her.
Hiccup looked indecisively at the toy in his hands, wondering of what to do. He doesn't like this toy. It looks like the monstrous dragons that raid the village, it makes him scared. Hiccup doesn't love it. But at the same time, his mother made it to him, out of love for him. So he should at least love it, right?
Hiccup yawned, mouth opening wide, then he dropped his head back on his dad's chest, arms hugging the toy tight. He felt his dad lay a hand on his back, keeping him even more warm and close. Hiccup pressed his face against his dad's chest and tried to forget about the dangerous dragon in his hands. It was his mother's gift to him, he should be cherishing it.
Soon enough, his little eyes closed, and the sounds of his breathing evened. Stoick remained awake for an hour or so later, stroking the boy's back slowly while thinking of his deceased wife with something akin to depression closing in on his heart.
Stoick's heart seemed to grow heavier with every passing day.
Due to Stoick's previously busy schedule - and not ignoring his son as Hiccup thinks - he decided to take Hiccup alongside him to his daily chiefly tasks. Hiccup seemed happy enough to be around his father again for a change, after weeks of no attention, he is sticking close to Stoick's legs and glaring at every woman who had dared to get close to his father.
Hiccup doesn't understand why so many women just find it interesting to be close to his dad. He's incredibly annoyed by it. Each time he and his dad are talking, a woman would come in and ask the chief to fix a problem or to give him a basket of some sort of food. While the food was delicious, Hiccup still grumbled whenever they would get too close to his dad.
"Daddy!" Hiccup called in anger when yet another woman called again for his dad. Stoick whirled around quickly, fixing his son up with a look of great concern.
Hiccup kept his frown on - though it looked like an adorable pout on his small face - and held out his arms in the universal gesture of hold me. Stoick immediately bent down to pick him up and hugged him close to his chest. Hiccup spotted the woman behind his dad and gave her the best glare he could ever give her while his dad's back was turned. The woman stared at him in surprise.
"What's wrong son?" Stoick asked as he pulled Hiccup back a little to look at his face.
Hiccup whined a little, rubbing his face. "I don't wanna walk or stand! I'm too tired!"
Stoick gave a sigh. "Hiccup, you're a big lad now! You can walk on your own!"
"My legs feel like they might fall off," Hiccup said in a deadpan tone.
Stoick threw his head back and laughed. Hiccup smiled a little at the sound, and soon enough he was giggling. Stoick shifted Hiccup so he rested more on his hip than his chest. Hiccup snuggled closer, whining again when his dad turned towards the woman.
"Hiccup?" Stoick asked again, looking down at his son.
"I'm boooored." Hiccup said, throwing his head back with a huff.
"Well, we will be going to the Great Hall just in a few moments, once I help Hilde here with her-"
"It's alright Chief," Hilde gave Stoick a charming smile, not missing the way Hiccup glared at her with fire in his eyes. "I'll have my brother fix my shelves for me. You can go on with the adorable little heir here."
"Ah, thank you Hilde," Stoick said, seemingly oblivious to the woman's charm. "Well, we will be on our way then, say goodbye to Hilde, Hiccup."
Hiccup grumbled a goodbye under his breath, making Stoick look at him in surprise. He doesn't recall Hiccup ever acting this way. He gave Hilde an awkward smile, hoping she doesn't mind Hiccup's lousy attempt at a goodbye.
Hilde laughed, a bell like sound, then waved a hand in dismissal. "It's fine, children will be children. Goodbye Chief! Goodbye Hiccup!"
With that, Stoick and Hiccup made their way towards the Great Hall, getting stopped again by a few women to either complain or give Stoick stacks of food and clothes for the heir. Said heir kept on growling and glaring at them the same way a Nightmare would to someone who insults it. Stoick was at loss to what caused his son such distress. Hiccup was usually a very friendly child to approach, and loved being gifted and dotted upon.
This continued on for the next few days, and the last straw was when Stoick noticed that the boy has been denying to eat anything from the food that was generously given to them. Stoick thinks it's rude to refuse such a nice gesture by the women of their tribe.
So here he was, complaining to Gobber all about it, putting his heart and might into it only to have the blacksmith throw his head back and give the typical Viking raspy laugh.
"What's so funny!?" Stoick asked in annoyance, keeping an eye on Hiccup out of the corner of his eyes. The boy was roaming around the forge, picking at nails and metal shards.
"Oh Stoick, you really are that oblivious aren't ya?" Gobber asked between chuckles.
"Oblivious to what?" now Stoick was getting really annoyed.
Gobber only shook his head as he stopped himself from kneeling to the floor with laughter. After a few seconds, the blacksmith gathered himself and breathed one last laugh before he regained his composure again.
"Ahh Stoick, brains have never been your thing huh?" Gobber asked with a smile. Said smile was quickly wiped at the chief's fierce glare. "Sorry sorry."
"Well, start talking, magnificent genuis." Stoick said with his arms crossed.
"Aye you might need to sit down for this one," Gobber said as he pulled a chair.
Stoick grumbled but did as he was told, curiosity eating at him alive. "There. Now talk."
"Well, there are rumors around here," Gobber started, walking around the bush as he usually does. "You know how the Berkians are; love to gossip and talk. They even still talk about Finn Hofferson's death! Think they'll never forget about this one! Might never let it die-"
"Gobber!" Stoick exclaimed, startling the blacksmith. "You are going off topic!"
"Ah yes yes," Gobber said as he turned his attention back to the Chief. "Well, rumor has it that the Chief is looking for a new wife."
The room seemed to drop in temperature, and Stoick felt his heart plummet to the floor. He risked a look back to see Hiccup busy inspecting a new nail he found, comparing it to the old, broken one in his other hand. His focused gaze, the brown in his hair, his jaw and his brows. All Stoick could see is Valka. Valka and her wide blue eyes and ruffled brown hair. Valka and her determination and fascination with everything in life.
How could Stoick ever remarry when Hiccup exists? When all of his memories of Valka; their love, their promises, their song and dance still live as clear as the sun in his mind. When the proof of their love is just right in front of his eyes.
His heart ached once more, heavier than ever. Remarry. Another wife. A woman who did not share the memories Stoick has with Valka. Who doesn't share Hiccup with him. Who will never be the mother his son needs and wants. A woman who could never be Valka.
"Aye, I know," Gobber said with sympathy, watching Hiccup alongside Stoick. "I see her in him too."
"She lives through him." Stoick replied, eyes still on his son. As if sensing that he is being watched, Hiccup turned towards his father, startled by the sadness both of his father and mentor are looking at him with.
"Is that it?" Stoick said in a monotone voice, turning his attention back to Gobber.
"Well, people are talking that Hiccup needs a mother to take care of him. And a wife to take care of you. To help with everything." Gobber said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hook.
Stoick felt a tug on his robe, he looked down to see Hiccup looking at him with round and wide eyes, as if seeing him for the first time. For a moment, all Stoick could see is Valka, and his heart clenched as he thought of his wife once more. Gingerly, he picked Hiccup up and sat him in his lap.
"We don't need anyone to take care of us," Stoick said firmly, keeping a tight hold on Hiccup. "We are doing just fine."
"Aye," Gobber agreed. "And I don't want another to raise that son of yours other than me."
Stoick let out a small laugh. "Oh don't worry, I don't think they can pry Hiccup off of you anyway, the lad loves you too much for that."
Hiccup hummed his agreement, smiling at Gobber. Gobber returned the smile, one of his rare genuine ones.
Later that night, after putting Hiccup to sleep in his own bed for the night since it wasn't as cold outside, Stoick had gone downstairs to make sure the house is still warm from the fire. While he tended to it, he thought of today, of how everything made sense. How the women's kindness to him and Hiccup wasn't actually kindness, but a ploy to get to him. How his son didn't like the women taking his attention away from him. How much time has passed since Valka's death for the village to start thinking that he might want a wife.
The mere thought of it made his heart ache, and his thoughts flew to his son upstairs, sleeping safe and sound. His son who doesn't even know what a mother's love is like. His son who doesn't even know who his mother is. Will never know her too. All because of those devils.
How can anyone ever assume he moved on? How can they think any woman out there will be able to replace Valka? That any woman out there could take her place in Stoick's bed and in Hiccup's upgrowing. That right belongs to someone who is long gone now, and it will never belong to another. Not even if that woman is the kindest, most beautiful lady to ever exist.
No one could be Stoick's wife. No one could be Hiccup's mother. No one could be Valka.
His eyes watered as grief overtook him, and for the first time in what has to be years, Stoick the Vast let the tears drop from his eyes. Thinking all about the loving memories he had of his wife. The excitement they both shared when they found out she was pregnant. Their hope and strength when pregnancy after pregnancy failed and when Hiccup had born small and sickly, Valka had all but lost all hope then, crying and telling Stoick that they were cursed, they were never meant to be parents. But also their joy when Hiccup did pull through, when he lived and smiled and giggled.
She's not here to enjoy the happiness at hearing Hiccup's giggles now. She never will be.
Stoick heard a creak from behind him, and he quickly turned with tear-filled eyes towards the stairs, eyes widening when he spotted Hiccup.
"Son," Stoick said in a hurry, voice hoarse, turning away to wipe at his eyes quickly before turning back to Hiccup. "You should be asleep!"
"I was thirsty," Hiccup said quietly, looking pathetic with the stuffed Nadder in his arms, knees pulled to his chest.
Stoick gave a sigh, telling himself his son is probably scared and confused why his father is crying, and doesn't know how to proceed with the situation at hand. It's Stoick's place to step in now.
"Now, come here," Stoick said softly, gesturing with a hand to Hiccup.
Hiccup immediately understood what his father meant, perking up immediately and let the stuffed Nadder fall on the stairs as he jumped down to run to Stoick with a huge smile on his face. Stoick caught him halfway through the air when Hiccup jumped, feeling his heart swell at the way Hiccup's tiny legs swinged in the air.
Stoick grabbed the metal to fix the fire again, letting Hiccup grip the handle alongside him, knowing his son likes to do whatever his father does. Together, with Hiccup's small hand underneath his own large one, they replaced the logs so they would keep burning.
"Dad?" Hiccup asked, turning his head towards Stoick. Stoick looked at him, noticing how Hiccup let go of the handle to put it above Stoick's that's on his waist for comfort. "Are you gonna get us a new mum?"
Stoick's breath hitched and he quickly wrapped his arms around his son in a firm yet gentle hug. The innocence of a child, one who never had a mother, who just knew about her today, who only saw women trying to steal his dad away and heard about the conversation about a mother. Guaranteed, Hiccup doesn't even know the role of a mother, but he did hear Gobber telling Stoick about a new mother, so he now wonders about it.
Stoick pressed a firm kiss to Hiccup's head, let go and looked him in the eyes. "I don't want another," Stoick said gently, pulling Hiccup close and turning towards the fire, feeling Hiccup turn towards it too. Stoick swayed them a bit, if only to relax his boy.
"Your mum was the only woman for me," Stoick continued in the same tone as before. "She was the love of my life."
The grief in his heart announced itself again, and he was forced to look his son in the eye as he said the next words.
"But with love, comes loss, son," Stoick said, voice deep with emotion. "It's part of the deal. But it's worth it. Love is always worth it in the end."
He turned Hiccup to his other knee, looking at him softly, telling himself that his son is worth that loss. His son is worth that love. Even if it hurts. Hiccup is the greatest gift Stoick could ever ask for or want.
"There is no greater gift than love." Stoick whispered then smiled gently at Hiccup.
Together, father and son spent time by the fire, both thinking of the same woman, but with different emotions attached to her.