Chapter 16 - Someone special

Surely none of Hylia's descendants had ever had a headache as monstrous as the one she had that morning.

"You snored like a Hebra's rhinoceros," complained Purah beside her.

"Mm... Shut up... Silence..."

"This is not the proper behaviour of a princess."

"Dear gods," she grunted, pressing her face back into the sleeping bag.

"I'm going to get some breakfast. And check on Symin and Linky's status. I'm sure it's as pitiful as yours."

She waved her hand, inviting Purah to go away and let her sleep a little longer, in silence. Now Link and Symin would have to suffer Purah hopelessly for a while. Wait a minute...

She opened her eyes wide and sat inside the tent, as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on her head. Recapping the night before... oh, no. Goddesses, she had completely lost control. The memory flashed through her head like a bolt of lightning and she felt a surge of heat ignite her cheeks. What the hell had she done? She covered her face with her hands, as if that could change anything. "If only you hadn't kissed Link when you were drunk and in front of the whole camp," her conscience reproached her. The whole idea of the kiss was hers, of course. Link looked so handsome in that gerudo waistcoat that she'd have pounced on him from the start. Anyway, she almost did when she dragged him dancing. Goddesses. She covered her face in embarrassment again. Link didn't object, but he never really did. Not before, not now. During the trip she'd seen how Link and Symin had run away from gerudo flirtations and innuendoes, and she was no better than the others... she was the worst of them all! What a mess... She wouldn't be able to face him again. She would lock herself inside that tent for eternity, and when the others had left, she would get out.

"Zeldy, go out for breakfast now! Riju wants to talk to you and we need to dismantle the camp."

She swallowed hard and made up her mind to leave the tent. Maybe Link didn't remember what happened. That is... maybe Link had drunk more baku than she had and didn't remember the kiss as vividly as she did. All in all... it had only been for a second, she was sure he thought it was silly and didn't give it a second thought. She was comforted by that idea and decided to go out for breakfast. She couldn't find her tunic anywhere, she remembered that she had changed it at some point for the gerudo bodice, and she had slept like that all night. She rummaged through her travel bag and found a thinner tunic. She hadn't worn it because it had been so cold that she had worn thicker clothes on the way, but it would have to do until she found the missing clothes.

The sun on her face was almost as annoying as Purah's shrill voice in her ear. The gerudo women were on their feet, but in the same level of daze as she was. Except for Riju, who folded her arms, overseeing that the camp was dismantled as quickly as possible.

"At this rate we won't get to Kara-Kara Bazaar until tomorrow," Riju complained.

"It's past noon, master Riju, and there's still a lot to do and we haven't eaten. If we reach the Bazaar in time, it will be evening," said Adine.

Purah had begun to fold the canvas of the tent and had lit a small fire, she guessed to roast a lunch, no longer breakfast.

"The gerudo have already had lunch, but they're so lazy that we'll have time for a little snack before we leave. Zeldy, bring Linky and Symin here. They told me they were going to grab something to cook on this fire."

"Me?"

"Of course, you. Can't you see I'm too busy?"

Goddesses, the sooner she dealt with the situation, the better. She went to Link and Symin's tent and found it half dismantled, on the ground. They weren't around.

"Hello," she coughed, approaching Karouku, "have you happened to see Link or Symin?"

"Well, well... on your feet at last, are you?" Karouku teased, "you're good at baku for a non-gerudo."

"Link and Symin...," she insisted, blushing with embarrassment.

"They woke up like a real human wreck, both of them. I think they were near the cart, looking for something to fill their gullets with. These shiok don't tolerate drink..."

"Thank you."

With one stride she walked away from Karouku. She saw Teane and Simu, too, but pretended not to face them. Things looked different in the morning, and her head ached too much to try to conceal or respond to the gerudo's insinuations.

She found Symin filling a basket with fruit, bread, and a kind of dark-coloured sausage that they hadn't roasted the night before.

"Symin, Purah asked me to tell you to go to lunch now, or we won't have time to eat anything," she said, with a rush, "let Link know when you see him."

"Let me know what?"

Link appeared from behind the cart, making her heart skip a beat. He had been sticking his head in one of the water barrels, so she hadn't seen him. Drops of water trickled down his face and across his shoulders.

"Breakfast. Or lunch, or whatever."

"Let's go right now, Your Highness, we've been looking for our clothes," Symin said, blushing.

"Hell, I can't find my tunic anywhere," Link complained, "what have these devilish women done with it?"

"I've lost mine too...," she acknowledged.

"I know. I remember you weren't wearing it last night," Link said.

The heat returned to her cheeks and for a moment she couldn't even look at him.

"Well, let's have lunch and then we'll see about the clothes," she interjected quickly.

She helped Symin carry the food and Link grabbed two water skins. They moved amidst the turmoil of the camp, there was dust, chaos and dirt from the night before.

"You owe me a kiss, shiok."

Suddenly, Simu stood in front of them accompanied by Teane, who was suppressing her laughter without much success.

"The game's over," Link said.

"I won the round before it was over, and game debts must be paid," Simu said, "so I want my kiss at some point."

"If you want it, you'll have to kidnap me and tie me to a pole," Link snarled.

"We're not ruling it out, shiok, you're a good kisser, isn't he, Zelda?" Teane joked.

Okay, this nightmare was never going to end. She swore to herself that she would never taste another drop of baku for the rest of her life.

"You're being childish," she said, frowning, "come on, let's get some breakfast."

She took a stride and passed through the middle of the two gerudo, followed by Link and Symin. Simu and Teane whistled at the boys and continued to tease and claim a kiss from Link.

They roasted the sausages and cut the fruit into small pieces which they put in a bowl, so that they could share it between them all. She ate just a little, her stomach was as upset as her head. Link, however, gulped down everything he could get his hands on, he must have had a bomb-proof stomach. "Or maybe he didn't drink as much as you" her conscience hinted "he sure remembers everything perfectly... for once he remembers. You should be happy, shouldn't you?" Not really. There were things it was better to forget, like her behaviour the night before.

As they ate lunch, they had to stand another Purah's reprimand. It was surreal, she was the smallest of them all, and she sounded just like a mother punishing her three unruly children. Zelda felt too sick to reply, so she ducked her head and said nothing. Link and Symin copied her strategy, and Purah eventually got tired and forgot all about the baku, the late-night parties, and the fact that people with manners don't go around losing their tunics to wear just a waistcoat or a gerudo bodice.

Then began the most tortuous journey Zelda could remember. The day grew cloudy, and a cold wind blew through the canyon walls. She had to put on her thick cloak, the one she wore when they rode through the snows of the plains, and also her gloves, for her hands were frozen in her grip on the reins. Her head was spinning, and she just wanted to lie down and sleep. For Hylia's sake, she deserved this punishment. During the journey, she shot the occasional furtive glance at Link. He wasn't his usual fresh self either, he didn't seem as invulnerable to the consequences of drink as she had first thought. Link was grumpy and didn't want Purah to ride with him, and Zelda occasionally saw him nodding off as they rode along. She didn't want to think about how wonderful it was to be able to touch him or kiss him. She didn't want to think about it too much, but it was inevitable. It hadn't happened "for real", it wasn't wise to get too blinded by it, because it wasn't real or something to hold on to. The Link of a hundred years ago no longer existed, nor did the Zelda of a hundred years ago. She'd wanted him so much back then, it had been so intense that it still ached in the depths of her soul, and it was better that it stayed buried forever, along with the rest of her ghosts. The baku had made everything murky, and she had become vulnerable, that's all.

They passed the Canyon Inn. There were some old men staying there, and a couple of traders who looked at them curiously and with the distrust of those who have faced desert bandits a thousand times. They had to leave the horses in the stable at the end of the long stone corridor that was Gerudo's canyon, and when the sky turned purple, they advanced across the desert sands. Well. She rather dragged her feet across the desert sands.

"Do you want me to carry that for you?"

Link's voice behind her caught her by surprise. She had lost sight of him for a while, she knew he was stuck to Symin most of the time, but after leaving the canyon she had lost herself in the middle of the group as she dreamed of getting to the Bazaar as soon as possible.

"I can do it myself, it's fine," she smiled so as not to appear impolite, and Link returned her smile with another. That brought the butterflies in her stomach back from their slumber.

"That baku is a horrible thing," he said, "if I could tear my head off, I would. A hinox once hit me with a tree trunk and my head didn't hurt as much as it did today."

"Purah is punishing us. She carries medicine in her backpack that would end this condemnation in one fell swoop. But she prefers us to suffer so that it won't happen again."

Link smiled and said nothing. For a while they walked in silence, both of them dragging their feet from the exhaustion of the day's journey.

They could already see the stars when they reached the Bazaar. There was room at the inn for them to stay, but Purah asked Symin to pitch their tents on one of the banks surrounding the central lagoon of the oasis. Sheikah tended to prefer to live on their own, with their own belongings, though inns were always more comfortable than sleeping on the ground.

"Zelda, can we talk?" Riju asked.

The two moved away from the rest of the camp for privacy.

"I'm going to the citadel," Riju said, "I am taking my best women with me. The rest will make the journey tomorrow."

"Now? It's dark, and it can be dangerous to travel at this hour."

"I've been away a long time, there are matters that cannot wait. I think you understand."

"I understand, but I don't think it's worth the risk of crossing the desert in the middle of the night just for one more night," she insisted.

"My women have made this journey a thousand times. What I wanted to ask is if you would like to come with us. That way we can take care of the business we've left behind in Zora City."

"I... no offence, Riju, but I'd rather stay here with Link and the sheikah. Tomorrow I'll go to the citadel with Purah. Link and Symin will stay here."

Riju hesitated, bit her lip and cast a furtive glance towards where the tents were being pitched.

"I'll see Link again, he won't leave while we're in the citadel, will he?" Riju hesitated, leaving the matriarch to sound like a child again.

"He won't leave without saying goodbye, I assure you."

In the end, only the four of them remained camped in the oasis. The women preferred to sleep in their warm beds inside the citadel, just one more effort and they would be home. They could have a warm meal, the embrace of family and friends.

Zelda always wondered what it would be like to grow up without a father. She grew up without a mother, and though she was always well cared for and protected, her mother's emptiness was something that peeked into her heart from time to time. The gerudo knew beautiful lullabies that mothers sang to their daughters. She didn't know if her mother had sung to her or not... she had no memory of it. Urbosa sang to her sometimes. The Song of the Bandit, the Song of the Son of the Sun, Grandmother Nesya's lullaby... Her favourite was the song of the Eighth Warrior. She remembered them all.

But the case of the gerudo women was different, and that's why it was so strange to her. They didn't have fathers by choice, it was a conscious decision. They renounced men and went to them only to procreate, using them as one uses water to quench one's thirst and then rejecting them. They denied fathers the love of their daughters. And no gerudo males were ever born... almost never. On rare occasions, some women would leave the tribe to marry and start a family, but that was rare. For Zelda it wasn't a choice. She didn't choose to grow up without a mother's love. Life took her mother from her when she was so young she could barely remember her. And the desert always brought back those memories, of the mother she never knew, and of the gerudo mother the fate gave her.

"Lake Totori must be frozen solid," Purah said over dinner. They had bought some fresh meat from the bazaar and were roasting it on the fire in the small camp the four of them shared.

"We should wait a while before going to Hebra," Symin added, "the winter there is harsher than anywhere else. There are places where the snow can be metres deep, it's dangerous."

"We could take a walk around the castle," she suggested suddenly, "or maybe spend some time in one of the villages on the plain."

"There are no more villages on the plain. That's another thing of the past... the plain is almost uninhabited now," Purah said, "but don't worry about that. We'll think of something."

At last her stomach had worked up an appetite. She ate her ration willingly and began to feel better than she had all day. Symin had bought new tunics at the Bazaar Inn. Her tunic was wine coloured, with beautiful embroidery on the sleeves and the edge of the collar. It was a sturdy tunic, perfect for travelling and for these cold days. She felt embarrassed. They were expensive tunics, it was very expensive to carry quality materials into the desert. Almost everything was more expensive in Gerudo than elsewhere, and she felt guilty for not contributing to the group again.

After dinner they retired immediately to sleep. The desert was a calm sea, with no sound except for the few insects that inhabited the oasis, and the wind that night caressed the tops of the sand dunes. But even in such a relaxing atmosphere, Zelda couldn't sleep a wink. It was absurd, she would have given anything during the day to be so comfortable in her warm tent. But now she just couldn't get to sleep.

She climbed out of the tent, careful not to wake Purah, put on her boots and pulled her cloak over her. The night was very dark, there was a new moon, and the sky looked huge and full of stars. If she had the telescope handy, she could finish one of her sky maps. She picked up her notebook and decided to continue drawing by hand. Drawing the stars was a kind of therapy for her, when she did it, she thought of nothing else, and there were always new stars to add to the list on dark nights like this.

Next to the camp was a watchtower. It rose about ten metres above the palm trees, and at the top was a platform with a wooden hut. The night was cold, but not freezing, and the platform seemed a good place to sketch until she fell asleep. She knew there would be no surveillance that night, no lights, so she climbed the wooden ladder, confident that she would find the place empty.

She spent some time finishing her notes and making some new ones until she decided to lie down and stare at the myriad of stars, just like that. She had brought a blanket with her, a great success, and she couldn't have felt freer or calmer up there. She had closed her eyes a few times, sleep beginning to settle in, when she heard the wood creak. She looked up to see Link coming up the stairs, his cloak and hood over his head.

"Link, what are you doing here?"

"Zelda!" He was surprised. He climbed the last few steps to the platform "I didn't know anyone was here."

"I couldn't sleep and thought I'd come up."

"I know you won't believe me, but I thought the same thing. I didn't know anyone was here," he repeated, nervously. He didn't have to justify himself; she knew he was telling the truth.

"Look, I'm drawing the stars. There are so many, it's a pity I don't have a telescope."

"I'm sorry to have interrupted you, I'll find another place to distract myself."

"Don't be silly, stay up here."

"Not disturbing?"

"Not at all."

She made room for Link to lie on his back as well, and they both looked up at the ceiling of stars in peace and silence.

"What a difference between yesterday and today," Link said, after a good while, "yesterday all that chaos and today..."

"True, the party got pretty out of control," she interjected, starting to get a bit nervous, "Link... I did some silly things yesterday, and I wanted to apologise. It's just that baku..."

"You mean the kiss thing?"

Goddesses, to the point. If she wanted to go on believing that he hadn't noticed or that it didn't matter anyway... it was better to talk things through, to normalise things, otherwise she'd end up exploding.

"Yes, among other things."

"It didn't bother me, you don't have to apologise. Did it bother you?"

"No, of course not. It was a game," she said. And the string of excuses she'd made to kiss him the night before came to her mind.

"Yeah, like you said, there's no need to make a big deal out of it. It's not like it's the first time we've kissed someone," he said.

But Link's words stuck in her throat and suddenly one of the gaps from the night before was filled: "I'm not shy, I've kissed before." He'd said. She couldn't even think about the bitterness of the idea. What if Link...?

"So… Do you have someone special?" she asked. Well, she struggled to ask the question, her cheeks burning and she felt as if the platform would collapse at any moment. But she had to ask it or she would die right there, assaulted by doubt.

"What?"

"Last night you said you've kissed before."

"Oh... you mean that," Link looked relieved. He folded his hands behind his head and relaxed, "She's special, but not in that way."

Her heart pounded in her chest. Link really did have the right to do what he wanted... and although she had managed to see him sometimes since her imprisonment in the castle, there were many things about the new Link that she was completely unaware of. Perhaps there was a young woman waiting for him in some remote corner of Hyrule.

"It's not what you think. Her name is Nitia, she lives in Lurelin village. She has two sisters, Litia and Bitia. Sometimes I've stayed in the village for a while. It's a nice beach, I like to go there once in a while."

Goddesses, she didn't know why on earth she had asked. Link had been in Lurelin hunting lizalfos. And it took him a while to get back 'because the journey had some complications'. Or maybe it was because he wanted to spend time with the girl. She had lived better without knowing this information, and now she was ashamed to have asked the question.

"The kiss was before I went to the castle to fight Ganon," he continued, "I was on my way to Faron Woods and I got lost. It was pouring with rain and Shadow was sulking... you know how he gets when things don't go his way. Then I found Nitia and her sisters. They were very kind to us, letting me stay in their house. Not everyone in Hyrule is so generous, you know?"

"I guess so,"

"Yes, and one day it happened. The kissing thing. I suppose these things just happen, don't you think?"

"I don't know..." she hesitated. No. She didn't want the image of Link kissing someone else in her head, it was selfish and pathetic, but she didn't care. She wasn't ready for that.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You've seen a naked shiok. And maybe it wasn't your first kiss last night. As a princess, it's hard for me to imagine how all this happened..."

"You underestimate princesses," she joked.

"I clearly do," Link smiled.

"It was all a long time ago."

Despite the darkness, she could see that Link was frowning and she didn't dare insist. The thought of him being angry with her again, like in the Zora Domain, came over her and she didn't want that to happen, no matter how hard it was for her to talk about the past.

"It's not what you think either. I saw a naked shiok by chance. We spent a lot of time together and travelled. It was a coincidence, almost like Riju with you."

"I thought soldiers had better discipline. The books Purah lent me lie, if soldiers neglect such things."

"He wasn't a soldier. Not just any soldier."

"And... was he someone special?"

Of course, how could Link not ask her back? If he knew the truth...

"Yes, he was."

"And he's the same one you kissed, I suppose."

Link's voice had grown as cold as the night, and he couldn't take his eyes off the stars.

"It's a sad story, best not to think too much about it. It wasn't easy then, and I was wrong in many ways. I was the Princess of Hyrule, I had no freedom to choose whom I... And then the Calamity happened."

"Thanks for telling me. It wasn't that hard, you see?"

She smiled at Link, but he was still staring at the sky, looking serious. There's a difference between being quiet and still and being serious. She could tell the difference perfectly.

"Thank you for telling me about Nitia. Maybe you want to visit Lurelin village soon."

"Yes, of course. Maybe when this trip is over I can take you there and you can see the beach. You'll like it."

"I don't think it would be a good idea for you to take me or the sheikah with you if you want to be free to do as you please."

"As far as I know, I didn't say anything about taking the sheikah there. I was just speaking for you."

She remained thoughtful and said nothing. She had no idea what would happen at the end of the journey. That was still a long way off... and to answer all the questions Link wanted to ask. Perhaps they would decide to go their separate ways.

She felt her stomach shrink, become tiny, squeeze her. She still loved Link. She loved him above all. She watched his profile, barely lit by the warm starlight, the soft breathing on his chest, the blond hair streaming across his forehead. Meanwhile, she remembered the feel of her hand the night before, holding his face to kiss him... the slightly rough touch of his cheek against her fingertips, like a kind of down that grew stronger and rougher every day. How the touch of his skin made her tremble, how the whole world disappeared for a moment, the moment they kissed. Then she longed for the Link of a hundred years ago, as she hadn't longed for him since it was over. If only one day Link would wake up and remember her and their imperfect and incomplete love story.

"Naydra's eye," he said, pointing at the sky.

She felt like crying. And she cursed herself, again. Again. If she had reacted in time, none of this would have happened.

"Link, you may never remember anything ever again," she murmured, letting off a little steam. A tear escaped, but she managed to hide it well enough. He didn't notice, he was still staring at the sky.

"I've been thinking about it. I've thought that every day I go without remembering anything is a day further away from recovery. But, you know, I don't feel like I'm any different. It's just me. Still... There are things I'd like to know. But don't worry. I'll honour our agreement."

"I appreciate that."

"You know. Even if I don't remember... even if I don't remember you, we're friends."

"We are."

Link stood up and shook off his clothes.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to my tent," he smiled, though his eyes were not smiling, "I'll leave you to your star maps."

"Wait," she sat up too, "did I say something to upset you?"

"No, it's just that it's cold and I want to sleep."

She stared at him and felt the urge to kiss him, just like the night before. Only now there was no baku, no excuse to push her to do such a thing. She could ask him to stay there, to crawl under the blanket she had pulled up with her and spend the rest of the night wrapped up in him.

"Link, before you go... I need you to do me a favour tomorrow."

He nodded, curving his lip a little in a sort of tired smile. He really did look exhausted.