Chapter 27: Clary's getting ready to fly to Idris and Jace needs to tell her what really happened that night. Buckle up, babies. .Angst.
I do not own any of the characters, only the illustrious Cassandra Clare owns them. I do, however, own this particular story, so please don't be lame and copy/paste it elsewhere.
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Previously: "I have to see her, Alec. I have to tell her…I–help me." Jace felt tears roll down his face and he stood up. Alec nodded and walked over to Jace, pulling him into a strong embrace. "I know, Jace. We will…I will. I promise, brother."
Clary pulled the zipper closed on her large leather messenger bag. It had been a graduation gift from her dad. Not too big, not too small. She had packed some toiletries, makeup, her brush, a change of clothes…all the things she always took on a flight when she traveled. She unzipped her bag and stuffed her sketchbook and pencils, then closed it again. Just in case I ever actually draw again. She wasn't bringing her easel or other supplies. Jonathan had mentioned that there was a full art studio at Morgenstern Manor that was at her disposal. My mother's. Clary shivered. I can't believe I'm doing this. Idris. I had no idea my parents had an entire different life in another country…our home country. All of her other luggage and important items had already been picked up by a courier and transported to the Morgenstern's private hangar at the airport. Jonathan would be here to pick her up in a few hours. Then, she would be gone for three months. She would miss her friends, NYU, the art center…Jace. Goddammit I love him so much. It hurts. Maybe too much…
Clary had completed her packing yesterday, with Simon and Izzy's help. They had hung out, laughed, watched a few movies, and just enjoyed each other. She would miss them both so much. Clary had promised Izzy that they would kick wedding planning into high-gear when she returned. Izzy had been true to her word and hadn't mentioned Jace at all. She had appreciated that, although Izzy got a funny look on her face when Clary told her she would be leaving a day earlier than planned. She probably went and texted Jace about it. Izzy and Simon both had classes today, so she had said her goodbyes this morning before they left.
Clary looked at her reflection in her mirror. She wore a black cashmere, one shoulder sweater, a black and white tweed mini skirt, and black leather over the knee boots. Professional, but still edgy, she thought. She touched up her makeup and pulled her hair back and weaved it into a thick, loose braid.
Clary sat on her bed and picked up the picture of Jace on her nightstand. It was a black and white closeup of his smiling face...his beautiful, perfect chipped tooth. What the fuck happened, Jace? How could you— how could Carrie do this? She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Fuck that bitch. I will not cry again. Stop it.
She pulled her sleeves up and inspected her sore, bruised wrists. The angry purple rings stood out in stark contrast with her fair skin and reminded her of– what Sebastian did to me. Clary closed her eyes tightly and shook her head as she remembered struggling against Jace, his heavy body on top of hers, trapping her…. how easily he overpowered her. She had felt so weak and vulnerable. He had made her feel that way. How can I ever feel safe with him again? She shuddered at how frightened she had been of him. It wasn't him. Something happened... He couldn't– Clary jumped when there was a knock at her apartment door. Pretty early for Jonathan. Jace? Crap…
She walked to the door and looked through the peephole and saw a flash of purple glitter. She sighed heavily in relief, leaning against the door, shaking her head. I'm so not in the mood. "Biscuit! You open this fucking door now. I know you're in there. I can hear your sad little heart bleeding tears all the way out here…Clary! Clarissa Adele Fray– Fairchild Garroway… Graymark, should be Herondale… or whatever the fuck your name–" Jesus!
Clary tore the door open wildly and Magnus Bane jumped back and shrieked. "Shit! Biscuit…" Alec stood beside him with his arms crossed, looking down at her with a reassuring smile. Clary gasped, her eyes stinging with tears, as she looked further into the hallway. Behind them both stood Jace. A solemn look hung on his face as he stared longingly through his friend's shoulders into her eyes and whispered. "Don't cry, pretty girl. I'm– I just want to talk, then I'll leave. I promise, Clary." She swiped the tears away, sniffed, and raked her eyes over Magnus and Alec accusingly, who both had the decency to look contrite. Just talk. Closure is good.
She turned her back and walked into her apartment, leaving the door open for them all to enter. She walked to the kitchen silently and set out bottled water and poured four cups of coffee, setting out the cream and sugar. You can do this. "You all can have a seat in the living room. Um… I have a headache. I'll be right back." She spun and bolted to her bedroom before any of the men could respond. She walked into her bathroom and took the pain reliever and drank a full glass of water. Three months is a long time. I need to hear what he has to say before I leave…Why am I scared of him? It wasn't him. He would never… Clary put her hands on the counter and dropped her head down as images of their confrontation flooded her mind. His arms squeezing her too tightly... picking her up and carrying her to the couch... pinning her…his growing erection against her as she kicked and struggled. Is that monster really inside of him? Stop it. Let him talk to you. Clary opened her bathroom door to find Jace waiting just outside the door.
She gasped and put her hands up defensively, her eyes wide. Jace looked at her with hurt in his golden eyes and slowly closed the space between them, shaking his head. "Baby…" His gaze fell to her hands, his eyes widening when he saw her bruises. Clary looked down, closed her eyes, and pulled her hands to her chest, pulling her sleeves down. She trembled, but felt foolish. He won't hurt me.
Jace reached forward and gently pulled her shaking hands towards him, lifting each one to his lips, he kissed the bruises circling her wrists. How could he? Clary pulled her hands from his and tentatively stepped towards him. She leaned into his chest, allowing his arms to envelop her. Clary wrapped her arms around his waist and inhaled deeply. He smelled warm and citrusy…like her Jace. But her Jace had cheated…and attacked her. He had hurt her. Jace leaned his head down, cupped her face, and captured her lips with his. Kissing her gently, he murmured against her. "Clary…please."
Clary felt a sliver of excitement wave through her. I miss him so much. It would just be so easy to let it go and go back to the way things were…before. She started to return his kiss then stiffened and pulled away, her hand flew over her mouth…flashes of Carrie's red head between his legs "Hurry, we don't want to get caught…" His hands squeezing her arms, clawing at her. She turned away from him, clenching her fists, and stepped towards her bedroom door. "We should go out and talk. Then I want you to go, Jace." He didn't respond, just followed her out to the living room.
Jace followed Clary into the living room and watched as she sat between Alec and Magnus on the couch. He took the chair across the table from her and picked up his cup of coffee, taking a nervous sip. This was going to be a lot for her to take in. He hadn't even really processed everything yet. He looked across at Alec and nodded.
Clary looked confused and looked between Alec and Jace. "Okay guys, tell me what's going on. I'm sure Izzy let you all know that I decided to leave earlier than scheduled." She flicked her eyes to Jace, shifted uncomfortably, then reached for her cup. "I don't really see why you're here. I don't plan to change my mind, Jace. Jonathan will be here in about two hours, so…." Of course…he can't wait to take you away from me.
Magnus reached over and wrapped an arm around Clary and kissed her temple. "Oh, buttercup. You need to sit here, listen, and then Alec and I will give you two some privacy. Love you, my girl." Clary sighed and nodded.
Alec took a deep breath and took out his phone. "Okay, Clary. I will start with telling you that I first treated what happened between you and Jace, as I would a police matter. Based on what I saw when I found you two in the VIP lounge, two nights ago–"
Clary's eyes widened and she put her hand on Alec's arm. "No, Alec. I don't want to press any charges…I don't want him in trouble–" Alec nodded and took her hand in his. "I know, sweetie. Listen. I said at first. So, I interviewed Jace when I was able to get him coherent enough to talk rationally. We also took him to the ER, as I strongly suspected he had been drugged, but the results were inconclusive. But, he was dosed with something. Here's his recording, Clary." Alec looked at his phone and played Clary the recording of Jace's account of what happened.
Clary closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hands, shaking her head. Magnus pulled her closer, rubbing his hands up and down her back, murmuring sweet comforts in her ear. Clary whimpered when she heard Jace's retelling of Carrie's oral assault. Jace wiped his hand over his face. I wish I could soothe her. Alec stopped the recording when Jace talked about Alec dumping the water on him. Jace looked across the table at Clary. Say something, baby.
She sat up straight and returned his gaze, looking thoughtful. "Okay. I can see that you were probably drugged. Awful. I get that…but by who?" Jace smiled tightly at her. "By your friend, Carrie." Clary gasped and stood up. "Are you fucking kidding me? How do you know that? I mean she's obviously a skank, but to drug someone?"
Clary walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. Jace followed her to the kitchen with Alec's phone in his hand. "Clary, Magnus turned over security footage from that night to Alec. It showed her putting something in my beer at the main bar. Do you remember when I was watching you and everyone dance? She came up and sat next to me…flirting and shit. She said something about a guy named Jordan…that you stole him or something." Clary scoffed and put up her hands as if to say "what the fuck?". Jace nodded. "That's when she did it. I saw you dancing with Morgenstern and I started to come over to– cut in. She did it before I came back to sit with Alec. I have the videos. We've made clips of all the pertinent footage… for evidence. For prosecution. We haven't been able to locate her–"
Clary shot her hand out to him expectantly. "Show me the footage, Jace. All of it…" Fuck. Jace tightened his grip on the phone. "Clary. You shouldn't see all of it. It shows…us." Clary slammed her water bottle down on the counter. "Goddammit! Stop trying to protect me. All of it, Jace…Alec. Please!" Alec nodded, walked over to Jace, took the phone and went to her television to screencast it.
Clary watched the videos in horror as her former friend drugged Jace's beer, then as he began acting erratically and inappropriately with Clary while she tried to get him to the lounge to sober up. Tears welled in her eyes as she watched Carrie slip into the darkened lounge. That fucking evil bitch. I didn't steal Jordan you psycho. She watched herself run away from the lounge after she had seen them…Jace chasing her. He looked maniacal. Clary started to shake as she saw Jace pin her wrists over her head and push his body against hers. "Turn it off, Alec…" She whispered and ran to her room.
Clary took a tissue and wiped her eyes in the mirror. Magnus walked up and stood beside her. "Clary, we want to give you and Jace time to talk alone. But, if you don't want me to leave, I won't." Clary turned to her friend and wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay, Mags. We'll be fine. I need to get this over with. Let me walk you and Alec out."
Clary embraced Alec and Magnus and chatted at the door for a few minutes, before they left. Jace ran his eyes over her before she turned around. She had her hair braided and a few loose curls had broken free. He longed to reach out and feel her silken hair between his fingers…pull her into his arms and kiss her beautiful red lips. I need to get her back. Clary walked up to him and took his hand, pulling him with her, towards her bedroom.
She walked them over to her bed, and motioned for him to sit. She stood in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest and stared sadly at him, running her eyes over his face, his chest, and back up to his eyes... as if memorizing him. "Clary, baby. I can't tell you how sorry I am for– what happened. I wasn't in my right mind…the drugs–" Jace swallowed the growing lump in his throat. "I'm sorry about what happened with Carrie–" Clary put a hand up, silencing him.
She cleared her throat and stepped closer to him, between his legs, and looked down at him with furrowed brows. She reached a hand out and cupped his cheek. "Stop. Do not apologize for what Carrie did to you… She drugged you. Victimized you. I know what that means. You know I do." Jace turned his face into her hand, kissing her palm. How can she compare what Sebastian did to this… "It's apparent she took our physical similarities…our red hair, and used them to take advantage of you, Jace. Do not apologize for that. I will not hold that against you. There is nothing to forgive there. She alone is to blame." Jace sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face against her stomach. Thank god. I haven't lost her.
Clary put her hands on his head and ran her hands through his hair, then around to his arms at her waist. She gently pulled them off and stepped back from Jace. Confused, Jace looked up at her. What is she doing? The smile was gone from Clary's face and she looked nervous. Her green eyes looked down at the floor, then back to his face. She grabbed the bottom of her sweater and pulled it over her head, tossing it on the bed, beside Jace. Jace locked eyes with her and smiled, then the smile faded from his face as he lowered his eyes. What the fuck?
Bruises, as big as his hands circled the tops of her arms…because they were put there by my fucking hands. There were three, already healing, scratch marks across the top of her left breast, above her pretty black lace strapless bra…because I must have scratched her when she tried to fight me off. A lump formed in Jace's throat as his eyes roamed over the marks and settled on her wrists. "Clary… baby–" She shook her head at him, whispering. "There's more, Jace." She unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor. She stood before him in her beautiful black lace bra and silk underwear, a sight that under different circumstances would have affected Jace differently. She turned to the side to show him her right hip and buttocks. More purple bruises in the shape of his hands marred her soft, creamy skin. "This Jace, all of this…this is what I am having trouble forgiving. This isn't the first time you've put your hands on me." Tears spilled down her cheeks and she bit her trembling lip, as she looked down into his eyes. No, no. The night she got the pics and video of Kaelie, when I lost my temper and wouldn't let her leave. No…
Jace stood up and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face down into her neck he sobbed. "Clary. I'm so sorry…I–" Please, baby. Please.
Clary gently disentangled herself from him. "No Jace. Listen. I think some time apart will do us both some good. I know you were drugged and I'm sorry that happened to you. SO sorry…it's just–" She stepped away from him and turned away, pulling her skirt back up, zipping it, and reaching for her sweater. Jace's heart started racing and his stomach knotted nervously. Time apart? Why won't she look at me?
Clary put her sweater back on and walked to her mirror to clean her smudged makeup and looked at his reflection behind her, then back down. "While I'm in Idris, it gives us both some time apart. I meant what I said at Pandemonium, Jace. I can't be with you, at least not right now." She broke up with me at Pandemonium?
Jace walked up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders, his heart breaking when she jumped at his touch. "Clary, I don't even remember what you said at Pandemonium. I– I would never hurt you. I love you, baby. We–" His voice broke as he gently rubbed her shoulders.
Clary turned around to face him, her beautiful green eyes alight with hurt. "But you did, Jace. You chased and attacked me. Hurt me. Rationally, I know you were out of it, but I think I'm still afraid of you. As I said, this isn't the first time you put your hands on me to restrain me– to stop me from leaving you...remember the night I left with Jonathan, after the pictures? I thought long and hard about it today Jace. I wondered what my dad would think. What he would want me to do." Chief would break every bone in my body...and I'd let him.
She stepped around him and picked up her purse from her desk, tossing it on her bed with her messenger bag. She cleared her throat and swallowed. "There is also the fact that you were dishonest with me about the cameras, Jace…it's just too much, when you put it all together. I just need a break from everything, including you." Clary walked away from him out into her apartment. Jace quickly followed her. No. I won't let this happen.
She turned around and he nearly ran into her. She sighed sadly and reached a hand out, caressing his cheek. "I need you to go now, Jace. I'm leaving soon." The hell I will. Jace looked into her eyes and shook his head. He reached his hands up and held her face, crashing his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, melted against him, and returned his kiss. She whimpered as he wrapped his arms around her waist and murmured against her lips. "No Clary. Ending us is not the answer. Let me make it up to you…don't give up on us. Please, baby."
Clary shook her head, reluctantly pulling away from his kiss. "No, Jace… Please." Jace pressed his forehead against Clary's and stared into her green eyes. "I love you, Clary Fray. I love you and I want to be with you. Forever. I know you do too. Tell me you don't love me, Clary." Jace squeezed her against him.
Clary took a deep breath and pulled away from him, dropping her hands to her sides. "Loving you is not the problem, Jace. I do love you. So much it hurts. But, maybe love isn't enough." Jace slowly let his hands slip away from her waist, shaking his head at her. No, baby. Don't. Clary walked to her door and opened it, sniffling and wiping tears away.
Jace walked out the door, ran a frustrated hand through his hair, then whirled back around. "It's enough for me, Clary Fray. I will wait for you. We aren't over. We never will be. When you get back, we'll get back together. You'll see. I love you." Clary closed her eyes and closed the door. Jace could hear her crying through the door as he turned around and walked away.
Jace slammed his apartment door closed behind him and tore off his jacket, throwing it on the floor. "Fuck!" he screamed and threw his keys across the apartment, where they landed at Alec's feet. "I take it things didn't go well, man." Jace laughed humorlessly and walked into the kitchen, tearing open the fridge, he pulled out a beer, cracking it open. "Nope. Things did not go well. She fucking broke up with me, Alec. She said she was afraid of me because of what I– she had a lot more bruises and marks than her wrists." Jace took a large gulp of his beer and said softly, "I hurt her when I– in the VIP lounge. She said she, that we needed time apart. She said she understood about Carrie…that I was a victim like she was to Sebastian. It was because of how violent I was with her at Pandemonium, about lying about the cameras…about how I treated her the night we found the condoms and underwear at my apartment. She mentioned her dad...how he would feel. Fuck, man. I'm gutted." Jace flopped down on his couch and wiped his face with his hand.
Alec sighed and sat next to him. "Look Jace. Do what she's asked you for now. Okay? Clary loves you. The real kind of love… Time will heal this, bro. I know it. Jace looked at his best friend and partner and nodded. "Thanks, man. I'll try…I don't really have a choice, do I?" Jace got up and walked back to the front door and picked up his jacket from the floor and hung it in the closet. Before he closed the door he reached into the pocket and pulled out a small black box. He opened it and stared at the dazzling diamond ring inside. He had planned to propose to her before she left, after they made up at Pandemonium. That was before that fucking bitch drugged him…before he hurt Clary. Before she ended things. Jace closed the ring box and clutched it in his hand. "I'm not giving up on us, Clary. I will wait for you."