He wakes up at the crack of dawn with his arm thrown around a slim waist, the sound of soft breathing resting in his ears.
He hadn't meant to fall asleep with Teresa, but he'd be lying if he said he isn't happy to wake up next to her. The comfort and serenity her presence brought him made it easy for him to drift off to sleep, something that hasn't happened in a while. It even surprises him a little. He's typically an insomniac, the memories of his wife and daughter keeping him awake in the stillness of the night, but last night he managed to sleep like a baby.
He props himself up on an elbow to admire her sleeping face. Her features are relaxed, her kissable mouth sitting in a cute pout. Her dark hair is splayed about the white pillows and his eyes dip to the rise and fall of her bare chest.
She looks peaceful and the sight makes him smile. She deserves nothing but peace.
Careful not to wake her, he slides off the bed and and slips on his discarded shirt. He pads out of the room and into the kitchen barefoot, deciding on whether or not it'd be a good idea to prepare breakfast for her and Theo. He wonders if she'll find the gesture too intimate for them since they're not yet a couple. But he opens the fridge and grabs the carton of eggs anyway, hoping she won't be too mad at him for cooking.
As he cooks the eggs, he hears feet pattering into the kitchen and he turns away from the stove to find Theo clad in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes tiredly. A smile finds his face. "Morning, buddy."
Theo drops his hands and stares at him. "You're making breakfast?"
"Yeah, hope you don't mind."
"Does mama know?"
"Your mama's sleeping. Let's not wake her." He looks back at the eggs to make sure they're not overcooking, then directs his attention back to the little boy. "You wanna help make breakfast for her?"
Theo nods. "Okay."
Patrick helps him onto the counter stool and together they make pancakes, the kitchen becoming a little messy from Theo tossing the flour like it's confetti. He chuckles at the four year old as he pours the batter onto the griddle. "Having fun there, sport?"
"Yeah," Theo says, craning his neck to look up at him. "Did you go to sleep with mama?"
Patrick coughs into his fist. "Um, how would you feel if I did?"
The boy shrugs. "Mama has nightmares sometimes. I sleep with her when she gets them. She didn't have any last night."
Swallowing, he asks, "what are her nightmares about?"
"I don't know. I think they're about daddy, but she never talks about him." Theo continues playing with the excess flour, unaware of Patrick's gazing at Teresa's bedroom door.
Trying to sound as natural as possible, he clears his throat and slips the cooked pancakes onto a plate. "So...your dad. You don't get to see him, I'm guessing?"
"No. He left a long time ago. He was mean to mama. I don't like him anymore."
Patrick refrains from asking anymore questions about the boy's father despite wanting to know every detail about the man. There's most likely not much else Theo can tell him; the boy's only four. Plus, he doesn't want to pry too much into Teresa's past. If she wants to talk about it she'll do so on her own time.
But God does he want to know about the man that caused her pain and left her and Theo in the dust.
As he secures the last of the food on paper plates a sleepy Teresa walks in, dressed in an oversized jersey and combing her fingers through her hair. He can't help but stop and stare at her even though he'd seen everything the night before. Teresa Lisbon has that effect on him.
"What's this?" She motions to the breakfast, her eyes shining with surprise.
"We made breakfast for you," Theo says eagerly, jumping off his stool and running to her. "We made pancakes, eggs, and bacon!"
"Wow, that sounds amazing." She ruffles his hair before looking up at the man behind the counter, looking even more delicious than the food he's made. "Let's get you a plate and you can watch cartoons, yeah?"
"Okay!"
She fixes Theo a plate and sits him in the living room to watch TV. When she returns to the kitchen, Patrick is sipping on tea but pauses when seeing her. "Good morning."
"Good morning," she smiles. "You didn't have make breakfast."
"I wanted to." He beckons to the stool and she complies, bringing the plate of pancakes closer to her.
"You're not gonna eat?" She asks, stuffing a piece of pancake into her mouth.
"Nah," he shakes his head. "I don't get hungry in the mornings. It's why I settle for tea."
"Hmm." She continues to eat, giving a moan of satisfaction. "Well, you make damn good pancakes."
He grins. "It's one of my many talents."
"I don't doubt that."
Watching her with fascination, he queries, "What are you planning on doing today?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. It's supposed to feel nice today so I might take Theo to the park."
"That sounds nice. Can I come with?"
The memory of him deserting them at the park the other day slithers into her mind and she falls silent. Seeming to know exactly what she's thinking, his body deflates. "Teresa, I really am sorry for what I did."
"I know you are," she says softly. "And I've forgiven you."
"I'm not going to do it again."
"I know."
Suddenly the atmosphere feels clouded with despondency and Teresa doesn't touch her food again. He knows it's his fault for bringing it up. He should've stayed quiet and let her spend this day with Theo, but he always manages to be selfish and insert himself into the picture.
He doesn't mean to be. It's just the way he's always been.
"Take Theo to the park," he eventually says, walking around the counter to brush his lips across her slightly disheveled hair. "I'll see you later, okay?"
She nods wordlessly. He takes her silence as his cue to leave, wondering how he always seems to master the art of fucking up.
XxX
She really has to stop holding onto the past like it's her lifeline.
Sure, he messed up once, but he's apologized for it. It's more than anyone else that screwed her over has done. And he's so attentive towards her, towards Theo, and all in all there's nothing to complain about.
But she still can't help but feel like he's going to toss her away like trash when he gets tired of her.
Trust issues is a major factor in this. People always come breaking her trust. Even her own parents have broken her trust at some point. No matter how good a person may seem to you, in the end they'll always find a way to leave. They'll lie and cheat and there's nothing you can do but watch.
But what can you do? Once they leave, they're gone. It may feel like your entire world is being ripped out from under your feet, but they don't feel the rumble of the ground, they don't slip through the cracks. They move on. They simply don't care while you're gripping onto every care in the world.
She cares too much, thinks too much, loves too much. She just does way too much and she always ends up getting hurt. This time won't be any different, but there's a song of hope that won't leave her head.
Maybe he'll stay. Maybe if I don't tell him too much about my past, about how fucked up I am, he'll stay.
Maybe. Hopefully.
Because she really doesn't want to lose him.
Her eyes lift from her lap and linger on Theo swinging. The swing is his favorite thing at the park. He says he loves it because he doesn't have to interact with anyone, he can just swing and swing and swing and yell as loud as he can.
She wishes the world was a swing.
As she watches him, she notices a large body plop itself down next to her. It's a body she knows all too well, thick and strong and rugged.
She whips her head to look at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Evan wears a half-smile on his attractive face. "I'm enjoying a day at the park. Feels nice today, doesn't it?"
Her face remains impassive. "Don't play games with me, Evan. Why are you here? Are you following me?"
"Jesus, Teresa, why would you ask me that? Of course I'm not following you. How crazy do you think I am?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
He sighs. "I thought we were on good terms now."
"I didn't say that. I said I needed time. I'm not ready to discuss things with you yet."
"Okay, that's fine," he nods. "We don't have to discuss anything. Where's Theo?"
She hesitates to tell him but reluctantly points at the swings. Evan's eyes follow her finger and grins. "He's gotten big, huh?"
"Yep," she mutters.
"Isn't his birthday soon?"
She's not surprised he doesn't remember his own son's birthday. She doesn't expect him to. "It's in November."
He snaps his fingers. "Right. November... seventeenth?"
"Seventh."
"Seventh, right." He chuckles to himself, as if forgetting his child's birthday is something funny.
She flicks off a piece of imaginary lint from her jeans. "I don't want Theo to see you yet. Can you leave?"
"But T, I want to see my son," he protests. "I haven't seen him in a long time."
She wants to spit back "and who's fault is that?" but bites her tongue. She doesn't want to start a fight with him, especially not in public. The few times they got into spats with each other in public when they were together, he never did anything beyond raising his voice at her, but at home she had no chance. It was like a monster was being released from its cage.
Maybe he's changed. Maybe he's no longer a monster. People can change, right? People can become better. It's possible.
She draws in a breath. "I just don't think he's ready. He doesn't even know you're here."
His eyebrows shoot up. "You haven't told him yet?"
"I don't know how to approach the subject."
"You tell him that his dad's back," he says matter-of-factly. "What if he wants to see me and he has no idea I'm even here? You can't keep me a secret from him, Teresa."
"I'm not," she rebuts. "I will tell him, just not now. He's not ready. I know he isn't. You...you left us, Evan. Packed your shit and left. It left him heartbroken."
Evan sighs and runs a hand through his short hair. "I wasn't in the right mindset to be a father. I was fucked up in the head, T. I had to get my shit together before I came back to you guys. I wanted to be a better father to Theo and a better fiance, almost husband, to you."
Almost husband. She'd almost married him.
She glances down at her bare ring finger, their engagement ring no longer there. She's felt free ever since she's taken it off and tossed it in her bedside drawer. It's probably collecting dust now for all she knows.
"Still, you leaving really hurt him. I shouldn't have to explain to my son why his father walked out on him. Walked out on the both of us."
"I know, and I'm sorry, T. You'll never understand how sorry I am." He reaches for her hand but pulls back at the last second, realizing that touching her may not be the best thing to do at the moment. "I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
She wants to tip her head back and laugh up at the sky. She wants to tell him that he can grovel for her love and trust all he wants to, but it won't get him anywhere. She wants to tell him everything her head is screaming at her to say.
But she doesn't. She can't.
Instead, she shakes her head. "Theo and I should get back home. He's probably hungry."
As she stands, Evan watches her with pleading eyes. "I want to see my son, Teresa. Please. I just want to spend some time with him."
Is this him manipulating her? It wouldn't be the first time. But his eyes are glassy, and his voice cracks on the last word, and guilt starts to crawl up her throat.
She's always been the type of person to give out twenty second chances. She truly believes people can change even when the person has showed hundreds of times they're incapable of it. She sees nothing but the good in people, and sometimes she's so blindsided that she misses the red flags altogether.
Maybe she's delusional, and she probably is. But Evan was her first love, and he's the father of her child. If he's being honest that he's really, truly changed, then maybe he deserves a second chance.
Not with her, but with Theo. Because she'd do anything for him.
Even if it means letting Evan back into their lives.