CHAPTER 66: MOURNING NEVER COMES

In the dead of the night, Natsu awakened to a song.

A faint hum echoed in the castle's kitchen chamber. It seemed to seep through the walls and reverberate within Natsu's head, but he was certain it was Lucy's voice, singing the melody she always sang. He knew it by the heart now, he had even heard the words in a dream, the ones Lucy had kept to herself all this time.

Through the fragments of his sleep, Natsu listened to the distant song for a while. But as he rose on the fur mattress and glanced at Lucy, she did not sing. She slept curled up on her side, hands wrapped around Natsu's arm. Even through his sleeve, he could feel the coldness bleeding from her thin fingers, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to it. He could still remember the times when her hands had been so warm.

And though he could still hear the song, he thought it had to be an echo from his dream, and so he let it linger. However, he could not drift back to sleep. But for once, there was no dread in these insomniac hours. Just sudden peace. For so long he had lied awake by Lucy's side as her icy-blue eyes stared into nothingness, worry tearing his heart apart, but now, there was only tranquillity after a storm. All was good. At good as it could get.

Natsu couldn't remember when he had fallen asleep. For hours he had held her in his arms, convincing her time and time again that he'd be there, for her, no matter where her path would lead – no dragons or Daedra would frighten him away from her side. And slowly, she began to accept it. This part of Lucy which had wanted him to leave had grown silent, smaller, until it was only a mere crumble in the back of her mind. As Natsu had understood, half of her had been begging him to stay, and she'd been so torn between those two sides that ending her life had seemed like the only way out.

But they were still alive.

Yet, over the course of the past week, the thought about Lucy's death had driven him to the brink of madness, yet he hadn't ever thought she'd go by her own hand. It chilled his bones to think what could've happened if she had drunk that poison while he was gone. If Natsu would've found her dead… he knew he would not have seen the dawn either. Though she was alive and seemingly abandoned the thoughts of ending her life, Natsu couldn't stop thinking about what he would've done if she had done it.

And I would have died. I would be dead without you, Lucy. He had said those words to her once, and still meant them. He remembered how he had believed that he'd just simply die, disappear, cease to exist without Lucy's love. Like the sweetest drug, he'd grown dependent on her, to the point where he was convinced that his mere breathing depended on her.

For a time being, it had been true. Without her influence, his life would most likely be over. But since yesterday, it felt like something was slowly changing in his mind. Things were drifting. As he lay there awake, the scenarios ran through his mind, mostly about all the different ways he could've ended his life after finding Lucy dead. If you die, I will die with you. Such grim thoughts weren't necessarily new to him, but he knew there was no solace in the great escape. Even death wouldn't bring her back to him, as they went to different realms when they died. Lucy would've returned to the gods, while Natsu's soul would drift lost amongst the sea of stars, forever destined to be apart.

This life, as grim as it got, was their only chance to ever be together.

And yet in one of the hundred visions, Natsu lived after her death.

He remained in this thought for a moment, wondering how it felt compared to all those others possibilities where everything faded to black. Maybe, perhaps by accident, he would've survived. Maybe his fire would've been on his side, refusing to burn him even after all the lifelines had been cut. Against all the odds, he'd be alive, for he had a heart of his own that would keep beating with her or not.

Once, he told her that he didn't fear death. He thought he wouldn't die until he'd fulfilled something, and now that something seemed to stubbornly keep him alive, dragging him through needles and pins yet still couldn't kill him. And for the longest time, he had forgotten that. For so long, his life had circled around Lucy and her destiny that he had completely neglected his own.

In a way, he had forgotten himself, too.

At that moment, a strange thought popped into his mind, that seemed unthinkable at first. What if he'd just… go? He could walk out of the room and never look back. He could go anywhere. To the College, or perhaps back home in Dragonbridge, maybe even leave Skyrim and head to High Rock or Morrowind. The thought was gone as fast as it came when he looked at Lucy, who slept so peacefully by his side. He just couldn't leave her now, no matter what, when he had just promised that no one would hurt her as long as he'd be here.

Gently, Natsu stroked the strands of hair from Lucy's face. He could still remember how he'd been deep in the conviction that they were united – almost like a single entity, both sides of the same coin, and one couldn't survive without one another. Perhaps that was what being in love felt like, how it forged one's thoughts into such beliefs, but now he could see a different light. Their fates might entwine, yet they remained separate beings. Their time together wouldn't last forever, and so, he should cherish every moment they were given by the generous gods.

He couldn't forget this again.

Still, Natsu had this haunting feeling that the struggle would not be over. Perhaps there would always be this little voice in Lucy, telling that she'd only take him to an early grave. A part of Lucy was still certain that her heart was too dark to care, and she'd only destroy everything and everyone close to her. 'Everyone I love is going to die,' she had said, and now those words echoed in Natsu's mind. Did she indirectly say that she loves me, too?

Maybe.

Ever since Riften, he had been thinking his head through if she felt the same towards him, and now it seemed the answer was right there, so clear, still so unbelievable. His feelings for her had caught him by a surprise back then, but there was no turning back once the realization had swept him into the unknown, and he'd been in desperate search of knowing if she truly loved him back instead of playing with his heart. 'I can't bear to have anyone else die protecting me. I'm so tired of losing those who I love.' Yet she couldn't even remember what happened in Riften, she'd still said those words to him. If he didn't matter anything to her, she wouldn't have been willing to die just to keep him safe from her demons.

Damn it, she might actually love me back.

He'd been too tired, too emotionally drained to fully realize it yesterday, but now a warm feeling shrouded his chest. Natsu traced his thumb over Lucy's hand, gazing down at her sleeping features, and found himself smiling. Suddenly, all the pain was worth it all. They were here. They were together. They were alive, both, still fighting, still believing there'd be a bright future after all this.

Now, Lucy looked so calm, as if the nightmare had finally ended, and she could rest in peace 'til dawn. I wonder what she dreams about, Natsu thought, but realised soon that her beauty enamoured him so that he forgot what he was even thinking. He laid down next to her, holding her hand in his as he placed it on his chest, and listened to the song that still lingered in the darkness.

It took him a while to understand that it was no longer an echo of his dream.

Someone was truly singing, down in the streets, right outside the keep.

An ethereal feeling broke the tranquillity within him. He was wide awake now, but the song was still there. For a moment Natsu had thought he'd just imagined it, or the melody had carried through his dreams. He'd been wrong. It was real, and somebody was singing it on the outside, with a strange call in the voice, like they knew he was there, listening, and recognizing the song. Of course I do, it's Lucy's song. It stopped for a moment, only to start again from the beginning, louder this time. But why in the Oblivion is someone else singing it?

Hesitantly, Natsu let go of Lucy's hand and rose to his feet. He wrapped his cloak tighter around himself as chilly air seeped through the stone walls. As he went, the placed more wood into the hearth and lit them up with a snap of his fingers, flames shrouding the chamber in a dim, warm light. He remained still by the chimney and the song grew louder, sending shivers down in spine. There isn't supposed to be anyone. Not even bandits would come to a haunted place like this.

… haunted.

And now, Natsu could feel it. Amongst the silence, there was a presence that hadn't been there in the bright daylight. Not just one, there are freaking many of them. The same otherworldly, unexplained sensation he'd felt deep in his guts as in Forelhost, the presence of the restless dead. Perfectly still, Natsu remained by the chimney, listening to the song of someone who had already passed. There was a strange call in it, a lure, one Natsu wanted to follow but was deadly afraid to. He returned to Lucy's side, gently shook her from the shoulder and called her name.

"Lucy," he whispered to her, "can you hear this too?"

She did not answer.

Natsu gazed at her, wondering what to do. He couldn't leave her alone, but there was something familiar amongst these presences, something he had missed for so long. And he knew if he wouldn't follow it, he'd never meet it again.

"I'm going to go outside for a while," Natsu said and tucked a strand of Lucy's hair behind her ear. "You just sleep tight, okay?"

He wouldn't be gone for long, he thought as he headed to the chamber's door. He halted by the threshold and glanced back. Lucy was still sleeping, and he promised himself that he'd get back before she'd wake up. Just a moment alone would be all he needed – and for the longest time, he hadn't even thought about that.

He glanced over his shoulder as his fingers rested on the knob, hesitating for a moment, but then he opened it and stepped into the circular stair hall. He lifted his chin in the darkness, sensing the old man's presence there as well. "Gildarts, are you awake?" Natsu shouted to the upstairs, closing the door behind him.

After a small silence, Gildarts answered, muffled through many walls. "Huh?"

"I'll be gone for a moment. Keep watch over the tower, alright?"

"Of course," the old mage replied. "Be wary of ghosts, though. They're restless here at night."

Natsu knit his brows in wonder. "Don't they bother you at all?"

"I'd rather not interact with them, you know. They creep the shit out of me," Gildarts said. "Still having nightmares about Forelhost."

"You're not the only one."

"Be careful out there, boy."

Following the distant song until he arrived at the entrance of a half-collapsed barrack, he slowly began to regret this decision. A bigger part of him screamed to turn back, but he knew he had to go, or he'd lose this chance forever. With that thought, he pushed the door open, and stepped into the frigid night air, the snowy street lit by millions of stars.

For a brief moment, he was in awe of it all.

The perfect destruction of Helgen was now buried in a bank of bright, glimmering snow. The ashes had turned pure white, reflecting the light of the two moons shining on the blackest sky. No wind blew through the streets, only the song carried there like a lingering ghost. Down here, he could hear the otherworldly resonance within the soft voice, sung by a woman who sounded so much like Lucy, but it wasn't her. It could only be –

Then Natsu saw her.

In a form of blinding light, someone drifted through the ruins, her long hair cascading after her trails. As if she left stardust in her gentle steps, light seemed to blossom from where she had walked. A feeling of familiarity overwhelmed Natsu. He'd seen her before, only glimpsed in the past, but he could remember her. And as she went by, she sang.

It took him a while to realise it was Lucy's mother.

Gods, she looks so much like Lucy.

Soon her light disappeared behind the fallen buildings, but Natsu could still hear her so brightly, as if her voice echoed right within his head. In utter disbelief, he kept staring after the faint glow of the ethereal light, and without a note of his will, he found himself following it. As if he was directly pulled, beckoned to come after her, as if she'd show him all the secrets in the world. With her song lulling him into a soft trance, he walked through the snow, leaving his footprints on the untouched veil. The woman glanced over her shoulder and even across the distance, Natsu could see her smiling.

She was leading her towards Lucy's home, and at that moment, Natsu realised he wanted to turn back. He wanted to go back to the keep and wake Lucy – gods damn it, her mother's ghost is here – but he couldn't. Even if he thought about telling her of this, his lips felt sealed. There was something deeply unspeakable of this, and he understood it was the influence of the spirits. They had let him pass into this world, and they couldn't let him break the spell. As he walked, he could sense more of them in the ruins. Some were barely visible, and some held the outlines of a human within an aura of faint light, but only Lucy's mother was as clear, as strong as if she still walked amongst the living.

But only Natsu was the only one who still breathed.

Layla had been the name of Lucy's mother, Natsu could remember now – but as they reached the ruins of their home, there stood a ghostly man on the demolished porch. Layla stopped beside the man and glanced at Natsu, her singing coming to a halt for a while. With a stern expression, the man glared back at the mage, and it was easy to recognize he was Lucy's father. Natsu remembered way too well what Lucy had told him about her father and how he'd skin alive every boy who dared to touch her. Even in death, Natsu got this impression, the man's gaze prickling on him like knives.

"Come on, no need to behead me, it isn't like I've bedded your daughter," Natsu spoke to the ghost, "or, well, at least –"

Natsu held his breath as suddenly, the ghost of Lucy's father stepped forward towards him. The mage nearly jolted backwards from terror, but the ghost reached him fast, and slammed his hand on Natsu's shoulder. He froze completely. The resentment from the ghost's presence was quickly gone, replaced by wordless gratitude, as if something he couldn't admit out of pride. With sadness in his eyes, the father gazed into Natsu, and nodded gently.

Layla followed her husband, her light shining bright in the night, almost blinding as she stopped in front of Natsu. The mage remained confused by the father's actions, but Layla just smiled at him, leaned closer and pressed a gentle kiss on Natsu's cheek.

"Thank you for taking care of our beloved daughter," Layla whispered, an ethereal echo in her voice. "We can't express our gratitude for everything you've done. And, if I might ask you this, I hope you keep taking care of her in times to come, too. The age of strife is finally upon us."

Unable to say anything, Natsu gazed at them as they stepped further from him.

"A day shall arise when the dark dragon's lies will be silenced forever. And then, fair Skyrim will be free from foul Alduin's maw," Layla said. "Our daughter is akin to both wyrm and the races of man, with a power to rival the sun. Be sure to be by her side that day. As fate was given to her, it has been given to you as well. "

"I know," Natsu stuttered. "I know."

Layla replied with a gentle bow. "I hope your parents are proud of you. They have a lot of reason to be." And then the ghosts turned away, towards Helgen Keep. "If I was still alive, I would've been happy to call you a son." Her husband gave her a strict gaze, to which she answered with a soft, sweet chuckle. "I always knew she wouldn't marry some young merchant boy."

And there, Natsu blushed like an idiot. He waved his hands in front of him, stuttering for a repose. "I'm sorry, lady, but I don't think we –"

"Just know that whenever you'll ask for her hand, you have our blessing," Layla said and smiled. "There is so much more I would've wanted to tell you, but the dawn is nigh. I don't think we will have the opportunity to meet again. Many of us have awaited in Helgen, looking to say farewell before departing into Aetherius for eternity." She glanced at Natsu. "Now's our time to say goodbye to our daughter."

Natsu couldn't say anything, barely able to understand what Lucy's mother had said to him. He just watched as the ghosts left, dissolving into the dark night. Yet he could sense the presence of others in the atmosphere, the realization came to him slowly. A familiar gaze pierced his back. The city's plaza was right behind him, open and abandoned, except for one soul.

Igneel.

Natsu spun around, still frozen where he stood. On top of the chopping block he had destroyed, sat a dim, faint ghost, gazing right at him. The ghost stood up and smiled, flashing him that wide toothy grin he had missed for so long. Natsu's chin trembled too much for him to reply that grin, and as he held back the tears, he ran across the snowy square and jumped into the ghost's neck.

"Igneel!"

Nearly a sobbing mess, Natsu wrapped his arms around the ghostly figure – like a cloud of mist, Igneel seemed to slip through his hold, but he was still there. His presence was as real, as strong as it had always been, and with all corporeal energy Igneel could muster, he answered the brotherly hug.

"Damn it Natsu, you little bastard, it's so good to see you! I knew they wouldn't kill you so easily!" Igneel said and patted his back. His voice was still the same, yet faded, distant, as it came from a dream. The ethereal elf pushed apart from the hug, his hands still on Natsu's shivering shoulders. "How have you been, brother? You look terrible!"

Natsu gazed at the ghostly face, chuckling at Igneel's words while still holding back the tears. He knew Igneel would slap him if he'd let them fall. "Yeah, I've seen better days. It's been quite a mess these last months."

"Indeed. Dragons and what else?" Igneel sighed. "The world's gone mad, I say. Alduin the World-Eater returns, brothers wage war against each other, vampires are on the run, Natsu of Dragonbridge finds himself a woman –"

"Hey, hey, hey, what do you know?" Natsu cut him off, laughing, then fell quiet for a second. "How do you know?"

Igneel shrugged with a wide grin. "You thought I wouldn't notice the way you looked at that fair Nord girl who stood at the porch? I could read you like a book. You saw her, and instantly thought, 'now there's a woman I'll marry!'"

"Actually, I didn't think that."

"And I just couldn't let you die before you'd actually get to –"

"Shut up for Azura's sake, will you?" Natsu said and sighed. "It's been fucking crazy. Well, happened to find out this fair Nord girl is the last Dragonborn, then we've been killing dragons, dealing with assassins, fighting cultists –"

"And fucking?"

"No. Well, not –"

Igneel chuckled. "Come on, let's sit down and have a good talk. We don't have much time, but please, tell me everything. It's been so long. I could offer you a beer if I had any," he said and seated on top of a collapsed wall. Natsu followed him, still unable to believe Igneel was truly here. He'd been waiting for this so badly, to finally tell him everything that happened. "What's the girl's name?"

"She's Lucy," Natsu said quietly. "Things have been quite… complicated, but I don't know, seems like it might get better from here. Everything's been a mess. This Dragonborn business isn't even the end of it. I found that Zeref has become a vampire lord, and that my father might not actually be my father, and that I have –"

"Wait, what, what? Zeref's a vampire now? And you're bastard?" Igneel exclaimed. "Well, actually, I'm not that surprised. How did you find out?"

"I met Clavicus Vile at one point," Natsu started. "He told me what happened to Zeref. I've had to fill in some gaps, but after losing Mavis, he lost his mind. He's doing everything he can to bring her, and his unborn son, back to life. And this included becoming a powerful vampire lord. I've met a vampire who's met Zeref, so I know it's true. But I don't know how to feel about it."

Igneel nodded, remaining quiet for a moment. "Yeah, that's a lot to take. Zeref was always the eccentric one, hellbent and determined – maybe that's a bad combination in times of great grief. But how about your father? Clavicus Vile told you that too?"

"Partly. He said my father is dead. Just as my mother and brother are. But since I know Willem ain't dead, it's gotta be that whoever fathered me has already died," Natsu said, sighing, falling quiet. "It makes sense now. Why he hated me so much. He even said that I'm not his son. I thought it was out of spite, but he was telling me the truth all along."

Igneel looked at him for a moment. "Now that you say this, I always wondered why you and Zeref look nothing alike. Seeing what you've grown into, your father must've been a handsome man. No wonder your mother committed some infidelity."

Natsu chuckled dryly. "That's where shit gets confusing. Seems like I inherited the flame of an ancient dragon with it. Somehow it's been sealed into my soul," Natsu said. "I just feel so lost with it all. All I have is a bunch of questions and no answers. If I could just meet my mother once and ask what truly happened, then –"

"I could," Igneel said. "If you want, I can seek out your mother in the Aetherius once I go. I've been waiting here since I died with these others, but it's soon time for me to finally depart. But as you know, we Dunmer do not emphasize the distinction between Mundus, Aetherius, and Oblivion. All these planes are whole with many paths from one end to the other, rather than separate worlds with distinct borders," Igneel said. "I can find your mother. And I can deliver the message back to you."

Natsu nodded in silence.

"I'd appreciate that. A lot."

Igneel smiled, and for once this wasn't a wide grin, but a soft, caring smile. Up on the horizon, the dawn was slowly starting to break, the shades of deepest black turning blue. Sharp sadness stroke Natsu's heart, for he hoped to remain in this moment forever.

"Anything for my brother," Igneel said and reached for the white scarf wrapped around Natsu's neck. With his ethereal force, he lifted it gently and chuckled. "I see you found my scarf! I thought I'd lost that for good."

Natsu gathered the knitted fabric into his hand, gazing at it. "I met your cousin some time ago. That Felrys fella. He gave it to me. At that point I thought about joining the Stormcloaks to avenge your death… he thought it would give me good fortune in the battle or something."

Igneel stared at him. "You fucking idiot."

"… I know."

"You'll avenge me by living on. Getting stronger. Finding out all these answers to your questions," Igneel said, warmth in his voice. "Death is not the end, my friend. It's just a beginning."

By then, Natsu had to turn his eyes away from the ghost. He locked his gaze on the horizon, the breaking of the dawn, already feeling of Igneel's presence began to fade. He wanted to grab him tight and never let go, but knew he'd only slip through his fingers – trusting his words was the only thing to do, even if his heart was breaking by the departure.

"Farewell, Natsu. I will be going now," Igneel said. "I will find your mother and ask her what happened. Stay alive until then."

Natsu chuckled, hiding how his voice cracked. "Yeah," he whispered. "But there's still so much more I wanted to tell you."

"We will meet again, I'm sure of it. You can tell me then, when we have more time. I hope you'll always know that," Igneel began, turning towards him again, "that the days I spent with you were the happiest of my life."

And as the dawn broke, Igneel was gone.

Only then did Natsu let the tears fall.

A/N: Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. There was supposed to be Lucy's POV at the ending of this, but I'll leave it to the next chapter, so that Natsu's POV can have enough breathing space kind of. I waited for about two years two write the reunion of these two best friends, but now that I arrived here finally, I'm not sure if it turned out the way I wanted it to be. Expecting too much from yourself usually results in a writer's block lol. And when Layla said to Natsu "I would've been happy to call you a son," it's meant as in a son-in-law way :D

I think Nalu is kinda official in this story already. Like, they're basically together already, without any bigger gestures towards it - I think what has happened between them so far has already forged them into a couple, in some sense at least. I'm excited to tell what's about to happen next! After a few calmer chapters, the showtime continues :D

Thanks for reading and supporting as always!