Pasha's Lullaby Chapter 14, a star trek: 2009 fanfic

Chapter Fourteen:

Pasha brought the song on Monday, hoping he wasn't too chicken to sing in front of the others. Sadly, Scotty had some immunity to sickness and was there along with the rest, waiting patiently for Pavel to start singing through the song, as he usually did before teaching the band members their parts.

"How can I be nothing to you
When you miss me and I miss you
I'm always there even if you can't see me
I'm always around to watch you fly
One day I'll spread these wings
To join you in flight
But only if I wasn't invisible to you.

There are times when you look at me
Where my heart just stops
But one little word makes it go again
Faster and faster
So with you not talking
My heart dulls and I'm moving slower.

How can I be nothing to you
When you miss me and I miss you
I'm always there even if you can't see me
I'm always around to watch you fly
One day I'll spread these wings
To join you in flight
But only if I wasn't invisible to you.

Do I really just disappear into the background?
When you do see me there's that glare
What did I do?
All I did was love you
Reach out to you
Let you be my guiding light.

I wouldn't be here without you.
My life would be null and void.
Our friendship means everything to me.
My life with you means everything to me.
Don't shower me with glares
Or go on ignoring me.
I don't like being invisible, either.

I don't like the silence,
I don't like the glares.
All I ever wanted was to love you
All I ever wanted was for this love
To be seen and heard by all.
I never meant to hurt you,
Whatever I did.

One day I'll spread these wings
But only if I wasn't invisible to you…" he sang, the song slow toward the beginning, and swelling near the end. He glanced back at Scotty when he was done for only a brief moment before he turned back to the music, "And… here's the drum beats. It's four/four, as usual…"

The band was simply still in shock at the feeling behind the words. Pavel blushed and looked down at the keys before Kirk elbowed Hikaru and Hikaru started the bass drum, pounding out a four/four beat. "I think some light cymbals and some bells might be nice…" he said, looking toward Pavel as he suggested his percussion.

"This is your baby, Hikaru," Pavel replied, smiling back at his friend. He looked to Len to give him his chords, going through the entire song as he did so, as the chords changed a lot, this time. When it came to Scotty, Pavel rushed a bit, but Scotty took it in stride and decided to practice it softly as Pavel worked with Kirk.

Pavel was free to go, and the band members split up to practice individually before they would come together again to practice. Pavel watched as the four dispersed to different rooms, his eyes lingering on Scotty as he picked up his acoustic guitar and left. Then Pavel sprang into action.

"Scotty!" he said, jumping up after him. They were both in the hall when Scotty paused, sighing quite loudly, but not turning to face the younger male. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I had hoped that song would be an apology and… and a confession," Pavel said, blushing lightly and looking off at the wall beside him.

Scotty looked to the side as well, as he could get a glimpse of the kid's face even though his head was rooted forward. Then he shook his head, embarrassed at the words he had just heard and slammed the door in Pasha's face.

A cry came from Pavel's throat, but Pavel didn't say anything more. He balled his hands into fists and ran outside in the cold to call Nyota.

Hikaru and Scotty were the last two out of rehearsal that night. Spock had gone home with Jim, handing Scotty the keys right before he left. They were silent as they checked the rooms and turned out the lights a locked all the individual rooms and such. Scotty passed the keys to Scotty, who lived closer to Spock and could drop the keys off in his mailbox or something on his way home.

"It doesn't matter, you know. He's turning eighteen in the summer anyway," Hikaru said as the keys passed to Scotty's hand. "And the legal age of consent is 16. It doesn't matter about the eight years between you."

They hadn't even started a conversation about it, but Hikaru could tell what was wrong. He cared enough about Pavel, as well, and he had heard the tiny cry from Pavel as he had left that day. "If it's any consolation, my uncle and his partner are ten years apart. Albert's 46 and Ernie's 32. They're very happy together," Hikaru added.

Scotty's face fell, "He probably hates me now."

"No…" Hikaru replied, shaking his head and smiling, "A kid like that? He'll be more stubborn than ever. He really likes you, Scotty."

Scotty was silent for a moment. Hikaru turned around to get to his car but paused and looked back, "If you like him, you like him. And I know for a fact that Pavel would be grateful to talk to you again."

Scotty turned to retort, but Hikaru was already in his big truck, starting the engine up. Scotty looked down at the keys in his hands and shook his head. He stood there for a moment before he began humming a familiar tune to himself:

"Hush my dear, close your eyes
Have no fear for dark skies…"

He smiled, an idea forming into his head. "If I like him, I like him… He'd be… he'd be grateful if I talked to him again…"