A/N: Ciaossu! Welcome back to the seventh installment of P.O.A.!

So I went to this really lame con today with my friend, because she wanted to get the voice actor for Toma (from Gravitation)'s autograph. He was really nice, but the con was soooo retarded. But whatever, at least it was free. And plus, I bought this little pink Tokidoki plushie that has the words "Ciao Ciao" embroidered on its chest. It's so freaking cute!

Anyway, on to the story. So I really wanted to go to the beach this morning, but I know none of my friends like to go early, so the plan was scrapped. Instead, I made the Varia go to the beach on my behalf! This is set TYL! in the future, after the whole Byakuran Arc, and since the Arcobaleno were reincarnated (I guess), now Fran and Mammon are both present. Yeah.

Warnings: The usual. Cursing, violence towards Squalo, Fran's perviness, and potential child-napping!

VII. Beach Bums

"Seriously, put them on!"

"Muuu."

"Come on Mammon, you'll look cute! Ushishi~!"

The little Arcobaleno sighed in frustration.

"Bel, no matter what you say, there is no way on this Earth that you will get those floaties on me." The blonde just pouted.

"But the prince picked them out just for you!" Mammon stared at the hideous flower-patterned rainbow floaties with poorly masked disgust. They were by far the most unattractively colorful things he had ever seen in his entire life.

"I'm…flattered… that you thought of me enough to waste money on these cheap, ugly floaties." At that moment, Belphegor made a mad grab for the baby.

"Gotcha!" Or so he thought, as Mammon's after image turned into a dead jellyfish. The prince threw it as far away from him as he could.

"Oh gross!" He wiped his hand on his black swim trunks and ran back into the water, still looking for the baby who had made himself scarce.

Meanwhile, the rest of their little group arrived on the scene.

Lussuria stood up on the shore admiring the perfect sunny weather, gushing on about the fabulous tan he was going to get. Squalo stood to his left, looking for all the world like a cranky grandpa, with globs of sunscreen on his pale cheeks and nose.

"VOIIII! It's hot as motherfuckin' balls out here!" The swordsman shouted out in irritation, which earned him scathing glares from several mothers and fathers who walked away, covering the ears of their young children.

The irate rain guardian was suddenly eating sand as Xanxus roughly kicked him in the back. Expensive designer sunglasses hid his scarlet eyes from view, but it was plain as day that the leader of the elite squad was less than delighted at being dragged out of his room, and more importantly, away from his precious liquor cabinet, to join his squad for a day of 'beach time merriment,' as Lussuria had joyously dubbed it.

So naturally, it was time for Squalo abuse.

"Get your fat ass foot off my head!" Squalo yelled up at his boss from his little 'Squalo's face'-shaped crevice in the sand. Instead, Xanxus opted to stand directly on top of him, giving him a higher vantage point as he scoured the beachfront for a decent (shady) place to set their crap down. More accurately, for Levi to set their crap down, as he was the one forced to be the pack mule on this little excursion.

The man was concentrating hard on balancing the massive umbrella they brought for shade, along with the cooler, which was packed to the brim with sodas, waters bottles, and of course, booze galore. Not to mention another cooler with their lunch, and everyone's individual bags, containing sunscreen, toys (that Bel decided the newly reincarnated Arcobaleno had to have), towels, a change of clothes, etc.

Needless to say, the other members made sure to pack unreasonable amounts of junk, even if they didn't need it, just because it was funny watching the conflicting emotions on Levi's face back at the headquarters when Xanxus designated him as the 'shit carrier' and Levi couldn't refuse, even as his eyes took in the growing mountain of things that piled up in front of the limousine.

The thunder/lightning/ whatever guardian's arms were getting numb. He was loyal to his boss, but he prayed desperately for the discerning eye to settle on a spot already before his fucking arms fell off.

"Levi-san, those look heavy." He turned to look down at the last member of the squad, Fran, who came to stand next to him. The squad's rookie surveyed the horizon like he did everything else. Boredly.

"Yeah they are! Oi Fran! Can you gra-"

"Sempaaaaaiii! Aren't you a bit old to be swimming with floaties?" Fran, completely ignoring Levi, casually shouted down the beach to where Belphegor was still hunting for the elusive mist guardian. A comic nerve sprouted from his head at the jab as a group of particularly macho looking guys walked by, snickering at the prince holding 'rainbow flower power' floaties.

"Bel-sempai! These are for babies…your unprincely arms won't fit in those tiny holes." Fran continued after running (read: walking briskly, because Fran doesn't exactly look like a 'runner') down to the edge of the water to the older blonde.

Belphegor growled.

"They aren't for me you ass! They're for Mammon!" The prince ground out in extreme vexation as he savagely roundhouse kicked his 'uncute kohai' out into the deeper part of the sandbar, where a group of attractive girls were huddled gossiping and carrying on.

A couple of them shrieked at the sudden body hurdling into the water in front of them. They were even more shocked when a green-haired boy about their age sprung out of the water, looking relatively unfazed, as if he hadn't just been Chuck Norris'd like sixty feet out to sea.

One of the girls swam up to him as he shook excess water from his minty locks.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" The girl asked, giving him a once over to check for any visible injuries.

Fran glanced at her nonchalantly.

"I'm okay, Bel-sempai does that all the time." He said, tilting his head to one side to shake the water out of his ear. Some of the girl's friends came over.

"Dude, are you alright?" One blonde asked. Fran nodded in the positive. They all looked completely flabbergasted that this skinny kid was unharmed after being sent literally flying all the way from the shore.

"The fake prince kicks me like that at least once a day. I'm used to it." To Fran, it honestly wasn't that big of a deal. But the growing flock of estrogen was thoroughly amazed. He was immediately thrust into the ample bosom of one pretty redhead.

"You know, you're really cute~!" She giggled annoyingly. The other girls voiced similar things as they crowded around, petting, stroking and generally molesting the poor froggy.

"Uhh…"

"And I bet you're really strong too…" Fran quirked an eyebrow at that. Assuming that they were referring to physical, not mental, strength, what exactly on his 115 pound frame gave them that impression? Nonetheless, he went along with it, shrugging apathetically.

"Yeah, sure." They squealed. Fran just stood there, being smushed into the girl's breasts, and looking awkward. He had no clue how to talk to girls.

"Great, dumbass. You broke it."

"Well if you hadn't tried to snatch it from me when I was holding all that stuff, I wouldn't have dropped it!"

"Way to go trash. Now I'm gonna get sunburnt."

The three hitmen stared down in a dejected looking circle at the remains of the umbrella that was supposed to give them shade. It sat in a broken heap, bent in the middle where Levi had fallen on it after dropping it.

Xanxus punched Squalo on the back of the head violently.

"How are you gonna fix this? It's your fuckin' fault he fell on it." The leader hissed at him. Squalo looked incredulous.

"Voi, what do you expect me to do? Stand over you with the umbrella like a fuckin' palm tree? It was an accident!" Xanxus gave him a pointed look. Squalo immediately regretted what he just said.

"I ain't doin' it." Squalo snarled, only to silence himself when he was looking down at the barrel of a hand gun.

"Do it. Or I'll kill you." Xanxus had that crazy look on his face that meant 'if you disobey you die,' so Squalo realized he had no choice.

"Well? Get to it trash. I'm burning here." Xanxus smirked at the swordsman in sadistic amusement as he layed his beach chair out on the large spread, snapping at Levi to separate the umbrella from the rod. The thunder guardian handed it to Squalo, a look not unlike envy in his eyes.

Squalo rolled his eyes as he held the umbrella over his boss. If Levi wanted to do this so bad, he was more than welcome. But Xanxus wouldn't be hearing any of it.

Belphegor stopped for what had to be the seventh or eighth time, rapidly fanning himself. The prince hadn't been to the beach since he was really small, and thus, was finding it difficult to run in sand. Which is exactly what he had been doing for the past hour, as he was still searching for the little mist guardian who had done a damn good job of hiding himself for the day.

The blonde prince sighed. The floaties weren't that ugly, were they?

Just then, he spotted a familiar looking black hood. Belphegor shot over and hurriedly grabbed the little bundle. He immediately received a sound slap in the face.

"Let go of my baby you wackjob!" An older woman screamed at him, clutching the bundle in one hand, beating him viciously on the head with the other, trying desperately to free her baby from the storm guardian's death-grip. Upon looking down, Belphegor realized that it indeed was not Mammon, but an actual baby. The small infant's face was contorting into rather grotesque looking faces, which the royal assumed probably meant the baby was going to start-

"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" –crying. The infant had some lung power alright. Belphegor felt like his eardrums were being shredded from the shrillness of the baby's cries, coupled with the mother's high-pitched screaming.

Ushishi~ Damn this bitch can scream… Belphegor thought to himself as he simply chucked the baby back at it's mother, muttering a hurried apology for assaulting her and her infant before running off to continue his search for the arcobaleno.

"Um excuse me…uh..sir? Hello..?"

Xanxus glared up at the frail looking teenager who was blocking his view. The sky guardian had finally just settled into his beach chair, and cracked open a beer. And now this moron was ruining his day all over again.

"Move, trash. You're in the fuckin' way." He grunted out before sipping some beer. The lifeguard wrung his hands together feebly, cursing his luck. It was his first day on the job, and he was already dealing with uncooperative beach-goers.

"Um...but..." The teenager pressed on. Xanxus, who had deemed the little exchange 'over,' completely snubbed the boy in favor of smirking at two chicks who walked by in tiny bikinis who smiled at him seductively, giggling to each other.

"Excuse me…uh...I…"

Xanxus sighed in irritation and motioned to Squalo, who was still holding the umbrella, to get rid of the annoyance.

"Tell this asshole to get lost, scum."

Squalo just glared down at him in response, but set the umbrella down and marched over to the visibly shaking adolescent, a look of pure annoyance on his face.

"Voi! Can't you take a fuckin hint? GET LOST!" He thundered into the poor boy's face. The lifeguard's knees were literally buckling, but he held his ground.

"I'm s-sorry, but this is a p-p-public beach, you're not allowed to have alcoholic b-beverages here…" The teen managed to stutter out. Squalo just stared/glared at him in frustration and slight disbelief.

"Listen here uh…," Squalo leaned down to read the name imprinted into the boy's lifeguard uniform, "uh…Duncan, Do you know who the hell we are?" He questioned, still glaring irately at the adolescent. The lifeguard, who's name is now Duncan, shook his head in the negative.

"We're the Varia!"

"Um…w-who?" Squalo looked about ready to explode.

"VROIII!- we are the most elite assas-"

"We work for the Vongola." Xanxus cut in lowly. The boy suddenly went pale. They were Vongola's men? Oh crap. Oh crapcrapcrap. No one dared mess with the most powerful mafia family in the world. The terrified Duncan now realized the severity of his infraction.

"So if you don't mind, please leave us alone now, honey~! Your totally blocking my sun!" Lussuria piped up from his spot just outside the range of the umbrella, were up until the lifeguard came and stood directly in his sun, he had been happily soaking up the rays.

"Yeah! Move it or lose it clown, before I stab you in the balls!" Squalo threatened. The poor teen nearly shit his pants. He ran off screaming back to his lifeguard post, where an angry and frightened looking woman was waiting. She immediately demanded he call the police, telling him that a baby-stealing pervert was loose on the beach, and had almost stolen her precious Antonio.

Lussuria woke up feeling wonderfully refreshed. The martial artist stretched languidly as he sat up, admiring the darkened skin along his chest and arms. After a nice lunch, he would tan the other side. He ran up to the other cooler they brought, which was packed with subs he made that morning.

"Boys~! Time for lunch!" He called, unpacking the sub labeled for himself. Salami and turkey with lettuce, onions, black olives, and just a dash of salt and pepper, and a bit of vinegar and olive oil. Perfect!

Mammon suddenly materialized to his left, looking a bit distraught.

"Is he here?" The baby questioned.

"Who, sweetie?" Lussuria asked back curiously. Mammon looked from side to side anxiously, before he turned back to Lussuria in a hushed tone.

"Bel! He's determined to make me wear those ridiculous floaties he brought with him." The baby almost whined in frustration. For the past two hours, he had been trying to avoid the persistent blonde, who remained hot on his tail, despite the countless illusions he had cast to throw him off track.

"Oh my~!" Lussuria slapped a hand daintily to his cheek in 'shock.' He looked mildly amused at the arcobaleno's plight.

"It's not funny, Lussuria. He's like a bloodhound…he just keeps finding me!" The baby said, looking comically aggrieved. There was suddenly a loud shout behind the two. Mammon grimaced.

"AH HA! Gotcha!"

"Muuuuu…" Was all the baby could say as a familiar hand clutched his tiny body tightly, not allowing for any escape. He turned to face Bel's six million watt victory smile.

"The prince has got you now! Ushishi~!" He said, immediately slapping the god-awful floaties on Mammon's teeny arms and ran down to the water to frolic like a five year old. The mist guardian looked slightly suicidal, whispering something that to Lussuria, sounded suspiciously like 'fuck my life' as the the prince inelegantly belly-flopped into the water, laughing.

Lussuria smiled placidly. Fighting was fun, and he was proud of his work as an elite hitman for the Vongola, but a break was nice every now and then. It was days like this he enjoyed the most. When they could all just relax and be normal people.

He turned back to his boss and the others who remained up on the shore.

"Are you all hungry?" He asked as they all nodded, indicating that they were. Carefully unpacking everyone's individual subs, he delicately handed them out before turning to his own and dug in.

"This is embarrassing." Mammon said in a deadpan voice. If one more person swam up to them asking if he was the prince's son, or to tell them how adorable he was, the mist guardian was going to drown himself. Belphegor just laughed lightly.

"Shishi~! You look so cute Mammon!" He said jovially, playfully splashing the cranky baby with a bit of the salty water. The arcobaleno sputtered, despising the taste of the seawater in his mouth and glared at the blonde, who was still snickering.

Belphegor suddenly rubbed his growling stomach. He was starving after his little 'Mammon hunt.' He remembered that Lussuria had made sandwiches for lunch, and almost drooled. The Muay Thai expert made the best tuna salad subs in the world. Besides, his hands were getting pruny.

So, with that, the prince scooped the mist guardian up and made a bee-line for their spot on the beach.

After a quiet but pleasant lunch, the members of the Varia sat relaxing under the umbrella, which Squalo had somehow configured to stand back on the crooked rod, since his arms were exhausted from holding up the heavy parasol for the past three hours. He now sat finally enjoying his own lunch, while everyone else had a cold drink in hand.

Mammon groaned as he twisted his little head this way and that, trying to avoid the tip of the bendy straw Belphegor was hell-bent on ramming into his tiny mouth. He hated soda, but apparently the blonde prince forgot that little detail, finally jamming the straw into the infant's mouth.

"Beru, ihuma suuta!" The baby tried to mouth out around the annoying straw. Belphegor just smiled at him evilly. He was well aware that Mammon hated soda, but this was the just punishment he felt the baby deserved for making the prince look for him all day.

Xanxus sighed, almost peacefully, and he took another swig of his third beer that day. He was actually glad, though he would never admit it, that his posse had forced him to come with them. Sitting in that stuffy castle all day with nothing to do did try his patience sometimes. He momentarily removed his baseball cap to wipe a bit a sweat off of his tan brow.

A sudden gust of wind blew the hat out of the sky guardian's hand.

"Huh?" He gasped out in slight surprise. He hadn't been expecting that. The red cap was carried down the shore, and finally landed about fifteen feet out in the water. Xanxus hated swimming, so he just shrugged and returned to his beloved alcohol.

Levi, however, was stunned at the audacity the wind had to blow his boss's hat away. The man shot up, tearing off his loose fitting sweatpants to reveal a tiny black speedo with the words 'Property of Xanxus-sama' imprinted on the rear.

'Xanxus-sama' promptly spit out his back-washed beer in Squalo's hair. The swordsman was too stunned at the sight before him to notice.

"What the fu-" He started to shout as Levi turned back to them, looking oddly like a soldier about to rush into battle. The thunder guardian kneeled proudly in front of his boss, giving his unwitting comrades a perfect view of his rather…unsightly, 'situation' up front.

"Don't worry boss! I'll get it for you!" He said 'bravely' as he ran down to the shore and threw himself into the water gracelessly. Belphegor was howling in laughter.

"Did Levi stuff a dead cat in there or something? Ushishishishi! Holy shit!" the blonde prince fell over clutching his toned stomach, shaking from laughter. Mammon was too ill to his stomach to laugh.

"I did NOT need to see that." The baby slapped a tiny palm to his face as he readjusted his hood.

The bumbling man returned a few minutes later, soaking wet, valiantly presenting the now unwanted hat to his disgusted looking boss.

"I don't want it now, scum. It's all wet. And put your fuckin' pants back on, you're embarrassing me." Xanxus snubbed the hat disdainfully. Levi looked completely destroyed. Again, his efforts to please his wonderful boss went unrewarded.

Squalo looked up at him from his spot on the ground, still wiping away droplets of beer, which had begun to drip onto his handsome face, away. He stared directly at the front of the tiny speedo with unbridled repugnance.

"Hey Levi, it's called manscaping goddammit! I suggest you try it sometime!"

"Ushishi~!" The prince burst into another raucous fit of giggles.

"It'll take more than that to tame that raging bush-a-saurus! Hey ugly, try a weedwacker!" The prince fell over again in laughter. Levi was clueless, but re-clothed himself anyway.

A sudden shriek garnered the hitman squad's attention.

"There he is officer! That's the maniac that tried to take my baby!" Belphegor immediately ceased his laughter as a burly looking officer stomped over to him, the woman from earlier right behind him, still clutching her infant for dear life.

"Fuuuuck…gotta go! Ushishi~! See you guys later!" The prince shouted as he ran away, with the policeman and baby-woman hot on his tail. The others just laughed, except Levi, who was still trying to figure out what he needed a weedwacker for.

In the midst of all the chaos, Fran finally made his return, looking like one of those American rappers, with his entourage of scantily clad beauties. His lithe arms were casually slung around the shoulders of the blonde and redhead from earlier. The rest of their friends followed behind, talking and giggling.

"Yo." He waved as the others stared at him in a weird mixture of surprise, indifference, confusion and annoyance.

"Where the hell have you been?" Squalo asked the mint haired youth. Fran motioned to his 'harem' with a slight jerk of his head.

"After the stupid fake prince kicked me in the water, these nice girls came to see if I was okay, and we hit it off and I hung out with them for the rest of the day." He looked around, noticing the absence of the blonde prince.

"I wanted to introduce them to Bel-sempai so I could rub it in his face. Where is he?" He asked, still glancing around. Lussuria sat up.

"Oh he's being chased by the police~." The flamboyant man said as if he were talking about the weather. A couple of the girls gasped, but Fran, naturally, was unaffected by the news.

"Oh, okay. I guess we'll wait until he gets back." He shrugged and sat down in the sand, the group of girls immediately crowding around him.

"Well would you look at that. The damn runt can pick up chicks. Hehe." Squalo laughed at the irony.

At that moment, the ripper prince made his appearance, having put some distance between himself and the cop and the 'bitch with the baby,' as he had aptly named her. He rested his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

"Sempaaaaaii…" The prince twitched as he looked up at Fran, thin blonde eyebrows rising up at the sight of the five or six gorgeous women surrounding the apathetic boy. Fran just waved like it was a daily occurrence for him to be in the presence of potential supermodels.

"Hey fallen prince, I want to introduce you to my new friends." Belphegor stalked over, arms folder over his chest, smirking down at the skinny arm still slung around the busty red head's shoulders. Fran really thought he had a one up on the prince?

We'll see about that. Bel thought to himself.

"What are you doing with my boyfriend?" He asked snarkily. The girls immediately looked at Fran, some in shock, and some, particularly the redhead, in slight revulsion. The slasher prince continued, taking a page right out of Lussuria's book.

"Yeah honey, that's my little Franfran you've got your fake ass titties all over. Sorry to tell you, he must have hit his head or something. But, uh, he loves dick. Specifically mine. Shishi~"

"Oh my God!"

The girl looked insulted. She slapped Fran's arm away as she stomped off, muttering something about being touched by fags, followed by the rest of her friends, but not before smacking the blonde prince in the face for the jab at her very real cleavage. Belphegor growled, but surprisingly let it go, in favor of stabbing Fran with the knife he had hidden…somewhere on his person.

"Sorry to ruin your date, Froggy, but the prince had to exact his revenge for earlier. Ushishi~!" Belphegor chortled as he repeatedly poked Fran's pale back with the tip of the knife. Fran just looked indifferent.

"Sempai, that was mean. Why'd you have to chase away my friends? Just because you have a low self-esteem-"

Stab.

"Oh by the way, her breasts are quite real." A ghost of a smirk flitted onto the illusionist's face at the 'how-would you know' look the now irritated prince was giving him. He just flashed him a victory sign.

Xanxus suddenly sat up and stretched. He motioned to all of the Varia's collective junk lying around their spot.

"Alright assholes, let's pack it up. I'm tired."

The trip back was silent, as almost everyone had fallen asleep immediately after the black limousine pulled onto the road. Mammon, of course, was curled up in Belphegor's lap. The prince had taken to laying on Fran, who leaned up against the window, using his trademark frog hat as a pillow. Lussuria lay to his right, snuggled up in a ball on the seat cushion.

On the other side Levi sat staring out the opposite window, looking rather put out. Next to him, a few feet away, Squalo was laying shoulder -to-shoulder with Xanxus with their heads knocked together. They were both snoring loudly.

Levi pouted. Next time they went to the beach, he would make sure the boss slept on him!

Chapter seven is finished! Read and Review, or Levi will smother you with his raging Bush-a-saurus! Until next time!