Slight Warning: Crude humor and lots of Katy Perry references. I couldn't help myself.
Chapter Eighteen:
"You didn't," Pavel told his friend, covering the bottom half of his mouth. It was unnecessarily warm in Pavel's little attic room.
"Didn't what?" Uhura asked, grinning as she waved the box in front of him. "I know I've given you the Talk several times before this, but now you have a boyfriend and I want you to take this box and put it to some use."
Pavel took the box (otherwise Uhura would have done something brash with it) and set it on the desk, "You're insane. Did the lady at check-out think you had gone mad?"
"I'm turning eighteen, Pasha," Uhura replied, crossing her arms, "And I wanted my little baby to practice safe sex. I have to know I raised you right, Pasha dear…"
Pavel glanced at the box of condoms nervously, putting them away in the desk. "I still think you're freaking insane, Soul Sister."
Uhura looked at the clock, "OMFG. We have exactly five hours until your date tonight. We need to get going! Hair! Clothes! Though I think you may need some mascara, I'm not going to get you in make-up, I bet. BUT STILL! Wardrobe check!" Uhura screeched, shoving at Pavel as she opened up the closet.
She blinked at it, "Doesn't look as homey as it was in eighth grade. Just because you moved doesn't mean you can't take care of your property," she joked.
"Haha… do you see any hot men in there? I'm not going back in because there's nothing there for me now," Pavel replied, looking at the near empty closet, "I keep most things in drawers under my bed now, remember?"
"I just wanted to make a closet/gay joke," Uhura replied, shutting the door and going toward the messy, un-made bed. She looked under the pile of blankets, grimaced, and proceeded to pull out every drawer under the bed, looking for something that Pavel could wear. "Your most important day ever, and there is nothing here for you to wear? How many times have we been shopping together?"
"You're freaking out. I have pants and shirts and some sweaters. Don't make me freeze to death," Pavel replied, "What do you want me to do with my hair?"
"Go take a shower. I'll try to get a sexy combination that's also easy to take off. And I'm also putting a couple of condoms in your jacket pocket," Uhura warned.
Chekov shrugged, blushing as he grabbed his towel and went down the ladder to the bathroom. Uhura knew what to do once she got an outfit, and hopefully Pavel wasn't sitting in the bathroom naked for too long.
Pavel was dressed in a pair of grey jeans, tight even against his skinny legs ("You have Ms. Perry to thank for that. I decided to ditch the 'easy-to-take-off' aspect so you could be Scotty's teenage dream."), and a black button-down shirt. Uhura put him in a warm jacket that was a nice grey-green color. She picked out warm socks and Pavel's light cargo boots to complete the outfit. "Plus your gloves, hat, and a scarf," Uhura added as she played with his damp hair while looking at him in the mirror.
"Where are the con—never mind. Found 'em," Pavel said, digging in his pockets and not extracting the tiny packets from them. Maybe he would need them.
Uhura looked at the clock, "This is taking forever. Half-hour shower, then it takes you another forty-five to stop arguing with me about the skin-tight jeans. He's strong! He can get 'em off if it gets too passionate!" Uhura told him, "Besides. Let him put his hands on you in your skin-tight jeans be his teenage dream tonight!" she sang.
"We'll see. He might get turned off by the skin-tight jeans," Pavel replied, "Especially if he can't get them off."
"Secret abstinence technique. Why do you think these types of pants were invented, Pasha?" Uhura asked, tapping his nose.
They laughed and Uhura finally gave up on Pavel's hair. They had two hours left. "I think I still have those last few episodes of Glee on my TiVo," Pavel said.
"How many times have you watched them?" Uhura asked.
"But… I want Blaine for Christmas. Singing 'Baby It's Cold Outside…'" Pavel replied.
"I'll get the karaoke version of it and you and Scotty can sing it. Oh wait! What about freaking 'Pasha's Lullaby?'" Uhura asked as she opened the door and they breezed passed Natasha into the TV room downstairs.
"That was brilliant too. But I don't think we can actually be all flirty and have eye-sex with each other during a live performance. Sound about right?" Pavel asked, turning on the television. "Now hush! Darren Criss is about to become my teenage dream for the eighteenth time!"
As soon as the Christmas episode was over, the doorbell rang and Nyota patted her best friend's ass as he got up to get it. She herself turned off the TV and made her way into the hall. Ms. Skarlova, Pavel's aunt, stood on the bottom step as Pavel opened the door. When she saw who it was, she nodded at him and went into the kitchen.
"Hey…" Pavel said, like he was losing his breath.
"Hey…" Scotty replied, his voice mirroring Pavel's.
Uhura rolled her eyes, "One of you swoon into the other's arms or I'm going to have to slick down your shoes with butter."
"No thank you, mom," Pavel replied, glaring at her.
Scotty chuckled and held out his hand, "Ready to go? I see you don't have a wallet, so I don't have to worry about going Dutch tonight…"
Pavel took the gloved hand in his own and saluted to Uhura, "I'm vanishing, Uhura. Don't wait up."
"Oh that's all right, I got a hot date with a certain barista at Cloud Nine café. I wore my best panties!" Uhura said.
Chekov rolled his eyes and Uhura followed them out the door, staying on the front stoop as Scotty led Pavel to his car. "Bye boys! I love you! Pasha, don't forget about the condoms in your jacket pocket! Practice safe sex! Have fun, honey!"
As Scotty got in on the driver's side, Chekov clicked his seatbelt in and said, "Honestly, I don't know that chick. She just walked in my house and decided to stick around…"
Scotty chuckled again and started the car. "You'll never get rid of her, though."
A/N: For any of you interested, I did write "Pasha's Lullaby," the song, and I just put freaking music to it. "Pasha's Lullaby" isn't just a set of lyrics anymore. Maybe you'll here it some day...