Paradise, Part 2

Summary: [Still no summary, I still don't want to give anything away. Sorry again!] Logan's POV.

Warning: More character death. THERE'S STILL A PURPOSE! And it will all make sense by the end of this chapter! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE.

Author's Note: I'm sick right now, so I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. And I still should be doing my homework… haha. But I hope that you get what I meant by "there's a purpose" to what I did to Carlos by the end of this chapter. Enjoy! :D This chapter was somewhat inspired by The Five People You Meet in Heaven, but not necessarily based on it.

Palmwoods

We just got back to the Palmwoods four days after leaving Hawaii. But the nightmare still followed me. I couldn't believe I had lost Carlos on what was supposed to be an island paradise. My life is going down the drains without him. I needed to be with him. I needed to see him again. Why the hell did he have to die? It should've been me. I should've gotten hit by the car. It should've been me who had died. Carlos would've gotten along fine without me; he's stronger than I am. He could've dealt with it, but I couldn't.

"Logan?" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned around and saw James and Kendall looking at me, concerned. I realized that I had been standing in the middle of the living room, just staring out the window sadly.

"Logan, we know you're upset about Carlos' death right now, but we found something in his suitcase, and we're sure it was for you. Hopefully, it's not too soon right now. We feel like you deserve to know what it is, and that you should have it. Who knows, maybe it'll comfort you?" Kendall said. Then, James took out from behind his back a brown teddy bear holding a red heart in its lap, with a card taped to its hand. I took the teddy bear and the card.

"Thanks, guys," I told them. "I'm just gonna head to our… I mean, my room. I didn't get much sleep on the cruise, so hopefully I can knock out now." James and Kendall nodded, then hugged me before letting me go to my room.

But everything I told them was a lie. I didn't want them to see me break down again. I just needed to be alone.

I took a look at the bear. I hugged it tightly, knowing that it was a truly special gift. It even smelled like Carlos. Wishing that the real Carlos were here, I sat down on our… my bed and opened the card. I could tell the handwriting anywhere. I had to compose myself before I read the card. I tried to prepare myself, so I wouldn't cry, but I had the feeling that I wouldn't be able to stay calm.

Dear Logan,

Happy Anniversary! I hope you feel the same way I do. This year has been so great, and I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.

Are you just as surprised as I am that Gustavo let us go to Hawaii only almost right after we moved to California? He must either really like us, or he got sick of us after the first few days of recording. Lol.

Anyways, I'm rambling. I just wanted to let you know that I care about you a lot. I would do anything for you, and I hope you know that. :)

There's another surprise, but it's inside the teddy bear. Just find the zipper in its back. I love you, and I hope that all of this can adequately express my feelings to you.

Love,

Carlos Garcia

P.S. Remember when you taught me what "rambling" and "adequately" meant? :D

I smiled at the card, remembering how long it took to explain those two words to him. It was only a few days before we had gotten together. I loved every second of it though, because it meant that I got to spend time with him. But then I remembered that he wasn't here any longer, and tears started running down my cheeks.

I tried to stay strong as I turned the bear over. I unzipped its back, and reached inside. I pulled out a small velvet box, and bit my lower lip as I slowly opened the box. Inside, there was a gold ring, and a piece of paper folded was stuffed inside the lid. I took out the note and read it before I took out the ring.

Dear Logan,

Here's part two of my gift! :D

Knowing you, you'll be reading this note first, so I guess I should just tell you now – although you'll probably figure it out – that this is a promise ring. And here's my promise:

I promise to always love, care for, protect, and cherish you for as long as I live, and even past death. Logan, don't you forget that you're my everything, and I'd be lost without you. I don't care how cliché that may sound, because it's true. So here's to us and many more happy and fun-filled years.

Yours forever and always,

Carlos Garcia

P.S. Cliché! :D teehee. You taught me that too.

Tears were streaming down my face faster than ever. It seemed as if his promise to love me past death was true now. The bear and the ring found their way to me, right? But what happened to the "many more happy and fun-filled years"? If it was even possible, now I wanted Carlos here even more, to sit next to me on what used to be our bed, to hug me close and never let go.

I took the ring out of the box. It was a gold band, and inscribed around the outside in fancy, calligraphic handwriting was Mi amor, mi único, mi cielo. My love, my one and only, my heaven. Exactly what Carlos was to me. I put the ring on my left hand. I felt another pang of sadness and pain hit me right in the heart, or at least, its pieces, which seemed to shatter again for the billionth time since Carlos had died. Then I fell face forward onto my pillow and broke down again. Why'd he have to leave me like this? Didn't he know how badly I'd miss him, how empty I'd feel?

I cried into the pillow for about an hour, trying but failing miserably to forget about Carlos. He meant too much to me for him to be forgettable. I looked back at the ring that he had posthumously given me through James and Kendall, and read the words over and over again. Mi amor, mi único, mi cielo. Suddenly it hit me: if I wanted to see Carlos again, if I wanted to be with him, there is only one solution: my own death. And I knew exactly what I was going to do.

I got off my bed and walked out of my room. Kendall and James were sitting on the couch, watching TV, but I could tell that they weren't really paying attention. "Hey, guys," I said. I was happy because I knew I'd be with Carlos soon, but I knew that James and Kendall would know something was up if I seemed too happy.

"Hey," James said. He still seemed distracted.

"Hey, Logan," Kendall responded after James. He looked up from his spot on the couch, and a puzzled look plastered his face. "You ok? You seem kinda happy all of a sudden." Shit, I came off happy. I knew I needed to play it off.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Still not able to sleep," I said, hoping that they'd buy it. "Do you know where Mama Knight's sleeping pills are?"

"Junk drawer," James said absent-mindedly. Kendall still seemed to be studying me.

"Thanks, James," I said. I opened the junk drawer and rifled through it until I found the pills. "Good, the bottle is nearly full," I quietly said to myself. I took it out, opened the fridge to get a few water bottles, and started walking to my room, nodding and smiling at my friends as I passed them. Suddenly, Kendall looked as if he had realized something, and then he slapped James upside the head and stood up. Fearing that he was onto me, I walked faster.

"LOGAN, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" Kendall suddenly yelled. It was a cue for me to run. As soon as I had gotten to my room, I closed and locked the door. Kendall pounded the door, still yelling at me.

"Kendall, what the hell?" I heard James say. "Why'd you slap me? And for God's sake, leave Logan alone!"

"NOT WHEN HE'S ABOUT TO KILL HIMSELF!"

"WHAT?"

"JAMES, YOU IDIOT! WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S SUDDENLY HAPPY AND WANTED THE SLEEPING PILLS?"

I could hear James trying to get me to open the door too. I couldn't risk my plan not working. I had to be with Carlos. I needed to do this. So I started pushing all the furniture against the door. "LOGAN, STOP! THIS ISN'T THE ANSWER!" James yelled.

"LOGAN, DON'T YOU DARE PILE FURNITURE AGAINST THE DOOR! LOGAN, FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!" Kendall screamed. But I already had the bed and chest of drawers against the door, and was currently pushing my desk too. "LOGAN!" Kendall and James cried. I could tell they were desperate to stop me. But I was even more desperate to get to Carlos.

"I'm sorry, guys," I said quietly. "But I need to be with Carlos. Life is nothing without him."

"I'm gonna call the police," I heard Kendall say quietly. He and James had stopped knocking on the door. I heard James crying on the other side, and what could only be Kendall's footsteps.

"Logan," James said, his voice thick with sadness. "Please don't do this! We already had one friend die, and we don't need another friend dead either. Carlos wouldn't want you to do this! And we were meant to be a band, not a duet."

"I don't care, James! I can't live without Carlos. These last few days have been hell, and I'm not going through it any longer. And yeah, we were supposed to be a band. The four of us. With Carlos. But look on the bright side: You'll probably get your solo career soon, and Kendall can either pursue a solo career as well, or go back to hockey. Trust me, you two will be better off without me," I said. And with that, I opened the bottle of sleeping pills as well as a bottle of water, tossed a handful of pills into my mouth, and drank to my death. "LOGAN!" James shrieked. "KENDALL, HELP! HE-HE-HE – " I could tell he broke down at this point.

I started to feel nauseous, but I knew I couldn't throw the pills back up. I needed to keep going, so I kept downing more and more pills. It started to get hard to breath. Don't stop now, Logan, I thought to myself. I swallowed more pills, and swallowed hard to prevent myself from throwing up. I started to feel weak, so I leaned against the wall, and then I slumped down. The bottle was almost empty. Just finish it off. I did as I told myself. I could hear my friends, but they seemed very distant. "I'm sorry, guys," I said softly. I could tell that I would black out soon. I could have also sworn I heard Carlos singing. It was our song "Worldwide."

I-I-I-I'm never, never, never as far away as it may seem. Soon we'll be together.

"We'll pick up right where we left off," I completed the lyrics. I took one last look at the promise ring Carlos was supposed to give to me. Mi cielo. The answer to my problems. Heaven. Then, blackness took over my vision.

Above the suicide

I looked down to see my body, slumped on the floor. So this is an out of body experience. Then I heard someone crying. James, I'm so sorry. Pounding on the door. Kendall… just give up. I wondered how I was supposed to move as a spirit. Maybe it's the same as with a physical body. So I willed myself to move to the left, and it worked. Then I did a flip. I felt so carefree. Then I realized what I had done, and remembered my purpose. How do I get to heaven? I sighed, but it was too hard to think with Kendall trying to knock the door down. I floated to the wall, and tested to see if I could get through. It worked. Hollywood seems to have gotten something right. I went through, and then saw James in a fetal position on the floor, bawling his eyes out. Kendall looked angry, sad, and determined to break through the door. He finally gave up after ten more minutes, and slumped against the entryway. Suddenly, the paramedics and the police swarmed into the apartment, but I was blinded by a bright light. This must be it. I moved toward it, but then turned around to try and see what was going on. James was still crying, and Kendall was trying to comfort him as the police tried to break through the door. I'm sorry guys, but I really need to be with Carlos. I turned back to the bright light, and continued floating to it.

Heaven

I found myself on a beautiful beach. The deep blue water lapped calmly at the shore, and white fluffy clouds lined the horizon. I looked inland and saw nothing but greenery. It seemed completely uninhabited. Urban life was nowhere to be seen. "Where am I?" I said to no one in particular.

"Heaven," I heard a familiar voice behind me say. "More specifically, my heaven." That angelic, melodic voice could only belong to the person I needed so badly. I turned around, and I knew that my face instantly lit up.

"Carlos!" I cheered. I ran to and jumped on him, and he caught me effortlessly.

"Hey, babyboo," he replied happily. I held onto him in a tight embrace, absolutely delighted that my plan had worked, and even more thrilled that I could feel Carlos' embrace again, smell his characteristic aroma, and even stare into his beautiful eyes.

I finally let go after a few minutes and took a good look at him. I didn't know it was possible, but he looked even better than I remembered. He only wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans, but he looked gorgeous. I smiled at him, but he looked at me sadly. "What's wrong, Carlitos?" I was worried he didn't want to see me.

"You killed yourself…"

I felt a little guilty. "I wanted to be with you! But I'm guessing you didn't want to see me."

"No, no, no! Don't get me wrong! I did want to see you, but I just didn't want you to commit suicide!"

I looked down sadly. I did this for him. Suddenly, I felt his arms around me again. "Please, don't cry. I just don't like seeing you getting hurt, especially when you hurt yourself."

"Well, I won't get hurt anymore, right? I'm in heaven."

"My heaven," he said, sticking out his tongue.

"Is there a difference?"

"Well… not really. Mine is just a part of the greater, collective 'heaven' – kind of like my own place in God's kingdom." He smiled, and I could swear that the sun above us shined more brightly as he flashed those beautiful, pearly-white teeth. "I chose an archipelago, like Hawaii. But I think it's prettier. And it's so awesome here! I can get anything I want!" Suddenly, a smoothie was floating beside him. "See?"

I chuckled. He was still the same Carlos that he was on earth. I adored his childlike innocence. But then I realized something. "If you could have anything you want, then why isn't there another me already here? Or why didn't I die right after you so I could be here?"

He looked at me somewhat sadly before he responded. "Well, I guess not everything. You can't have a person who isn't dead in your heaven, and you can't wish that they were dead either – it's not right. You'd just have to wait for them." Then he took a sip of his smoothie. "Mmm. Strawberry-banana. Want one?"

"No, I'm good. I just want to enjoy right now with you." I took his hand, and we just started walking down the beach. "Do you have a specific place you rest in? Like, a house?" All of a sudden, a small hut appeared in front of us.

"Like I said before, I can have anything I want," Carlos said.

"What about a mansion?" The small hut then turned into the largest mansion I had ever seen. "Wow."

"Anything," he repeated. The mansion disappeared, and we just kept walking.

We talked about everything, from the time we first met, to our first date, and to Gustavo discovering us. Eventually, we got to our trip to Hawaii. There was something on my mind, and I couldn't help but ask Carlos what I needed to know. "Baby, why'd you save me from the drunk driver?"

He squeezed my hand tighter, and said, "Like I've said before, I don't like seeing you get hurt. Seeing you dead would've been even worse. And like you read in the card and the note, I care about you. I would do anything for you, and I promised that I would protect you."

"But, you lost your life in the process," I said sadly, looking down at my bare feet. I stopped where I was, feeling guilty again. I closed my eyes as tears began to fall.

I felt a finger tilt my head up, and I opened my eyes to see Carlos studying me. He finally replied, "I didn't lose my life. I sacrificed it, so that I could pass life on to you. I wouldn't have been able to live if I had let you get hurt, when I knew very well that there was something I could do to protect you."

I smiled as Carlos wiped the tears from my face. "Well, you don't have to defend me anymore, now that we're both in heaven, right?"

"I guess," he said. "But I'd still like to hold you tight and pretend that I'm shielding you from danger." Subsequently, he pulled me into a tight embrace, and I laughed as he tickled me. Then we kept walking, the sun still high up in the sky.

"You said you can have anything you want," I stated, looking up at the sun in the sky. "How about a romantic sunset?"

"Anything for you, Logie." Suddenly, the sky was a deep purple, except around the orange sun, floating behind the horizon. The tranquil ocean reflected everything perfectly. It was definitely romantic. I looked at Carlos, who smiled at me. Everything was really perfect now, unlike the trip on the cruise ship back to California.

Carlos then looked up at the sky, and then he sadly looked down. "You know Kendall and James are really suffering now," he said. I looked up to where Carlos had stared, and saw in the sky a vision of Kendall and James, crying as the paramedics told them that there wasn't anything they could do about me.

"I wish I could do something about that," I admitted. "Like, make them forget about me."

"Or… you could go back," Carlos said.

"That's not possible. My brain has probably deteriorated past the point that I could have been revived, past the point of being anywhere acceptably functional! How long have I been dead?"

"In earth time, about half an hour."

"See? I can't go back. Besides, I want to stay here with you. You're my heaven, mi cielo." I said, as I pointed to my left ring finger, realizing that I still had on the ring. "We belong together, and now that I'm dead, I can be with you, and we can make this our heaven, and – "

Carlos cut me off. "You can't stay here, Logan. No matter how much either of us want you to."

"Why not?" I cried desperately.

"Because you aren't dead."

"What do you mean? Just look at the sky! Of course I'm dead!" I said, pointing to the vision in which James and Kendall were still crying.

"No, you aren't." Carlos then kissed me, and his heaven started to crumble. "Stay strong, Logie. You can make it without me. I'll wait here patiently for you."

"No!" I screamed. Suddenly, I felt a strong slap across my face, and everything – including Carlos – crumbled into blackness.

Palmwoods

I woke up in a cold sweat, and saw Kendall next to my bed. "Sorry, I had to slap you. I was walking by to go to the bathroom, and it looked like you were having a nightmare. I tried to wake you up by shaking you, but it looked like you refused to get up." I looked around the room. Carlos was nowhere to be seen. And neither were his gifts. So my suicide was just a dream. That whole day was just a dream. I'm not with Carlos, and he's dead…

"Kendall, where are your mom's sleeping pills?" I asked. I couldn't stand being without my only love.

Kendall looked at me confused. "Why do you need those? I mean, I'm sorry I woke you up, but I'm sure you can get back to sleep easily."

"BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM!" I broke down in tears.

James appeared in the doorway, looking super tired. "What's with all the talking and yelling? It's 3 A.M. and I need my beauty sleep." He yawned, but then noticed that I was crying. "Logan, what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"HOW CAN YOU ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG, OR IF I'M OK? HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT CARLOS IS FUCKING DEAD? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT HIM?" With that, I jumped off my bed and pushed past James to try and find the sleeping pills myself. At the end of the hallway, I ran into someone, and we both fell. I rolled off of the mystery person and continued to cry, knowing that Kendall would be after me soon to stop me, and that he would be able to, because I ran into an obstacle that completely stopped me from carrying out my suicidal intentions.

I heard the mystery person groan and stir up. "Logan?" I heard the unidentified person say. That voice… it sounded super familiar.

I shot up quickly as I realized who it was. "Carlos?"

"Logie, what's wrong?"

Instead of responding, I jumped back on top of him and held him tight as a cried into his shoulder. "Logie?" Carlos said, his voice full of concern.

All I could do was half-mumble, half-stutter into his neck, "You aren't dead, you aren't dead."

He then wrapped his arms tightly around me and said, "Of course I'm not dead. Why would I be?" By now, I was crying too hard to respond. But I was happy, and beyond relieved to know that Carlos wasn't dead. "Logie?" he said, still sounding troubled.

I heard footsteps approach us, and then Kendall's voice say, "I'm guessing he had a really bad nightmare…"

"… about you dying," James finished Kendall's sentence.

Carlos then hugged me tighter as he whispered into my ear, "Shh. Shh. Stop crying, Logan. I'm alive, the nightmare's over, and that's all it was – a bad dream. Please stop crying." He held me until I had stopped sobbing, but my breathing pattern was still raggedy. He sat up, but I refused to let go, even as he tried to stand. So instead, he carried me back to our room as I heard him tell Kendall and James, "Don't worry about Logan. I'll take care of him."

Carlos then tried laying me down on the bed, but I refused to let go. "Logie, please let go for just a second. I promise, I'm not going anywhere." Somehow, I managed to unlock my intertwined fingers. He then lay me down on the bed and got in next to me. I hooked my fingers together around the back of his neck and held him close, as I started to cry again. Carlos held me too, rubbing my back in an attempt to relax me. As soon as I had calmed down, Carlos said, "Wanna talk about it?"

I quickly and quietly described the whole nightmare to him: how we were vacationing in Hawaii, how he had saved me from a drunk driver, how he died in his sleep, how James and Kendall had given me his anniversary present, how I decided to commit suicide to be with him, how heaven was, and how he had told me that I couldn't stay right before Kendall had slapped me awake. I was crying again by the end of it. "Logie, please stop crying. It's breaking my heart," Carlos pleaded.

"But everything seemed so real. I thought I actually lost you," I replied. Suddenly, he pinched my arm really hard. "OW!"

"See, Logie? That was all just a bad dream, and this is reality. You never lost me." I held Carlos closer as I pressed my lips against his. He chuckled after I pulled away. "You know, you should've realized it was a dream as soon as it started. Gustavo would never let us go to Hawaii right after we had just arrived in California." I was shocked that I hadn't realized that during my dream, and then I nodded my head in agreement. I placed my head in the crook of Carlos' neck as he continued to chuckle.

We stayed like that for a while before I finally spoke up again. "Why didn't you wake me up? And why weren't you there when I woke up?" I asked, distraught at the realization that my boyfriend hadn't been there to wake me up and comfort me at the very second the nightmare had started.

He blushed before whispering, "I'm sorry, Logie. I woke up about half an hour ago, and I was hungry, so I went in the kitchen to eat… I would have woke you up if I had been here to realize that you were having a bad dream."

Typical Carlos – hungry 24/7. I smiled and kissed his forehead. "The important thing is that we're still together though," Carlos continued.

"Yeah," I replied, happily smiling. Then something else dawned on me, so I continued, "Can you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

"Promise me that you won't sacrifice your life for me."

His face scrunched up in distress and sadness. "You can't make me promise you that Logan. I love you too much to not protect you."

"Then promise me that you won't die in the process."

"Dying isn't really a decision that I can make," Carlos replied. "Since when am I more logical than you?" he teased.

"I'm sorry, ok? I just… don't want to go through life alone. Or more specifically, without you."

"You won't have to. I'm right here. Let's just enjoy now, and cherish every moment we have together."

I wasn't completely happy with his response, but I knew he was right. He loved me too much to let me suffer, and he couldn't survive simply based on the decision that he wouldn't die if he was fatally injured. I lay quietly, thinking over everything. In a way, I wish I hadn't had that dream. But it did have a good lesson. We need to cherish every moment we have with the people we love. It's never certain when they'll suddenly disappear.

I was about to fall asleep, when I heard Carlos speak up. "Logie?"

"Yeah, Carlitos?"

"I was planning on giving this to you later, but I feel that I might as well give it to you now." I looked up at him as he pulled out, from behind a pillow, a brown teddy bear with a red heart in its lap and a gold ring on a chain around its neck. "Besides, it seems like your super-genius brain gave you psychic abilities, so you already, kinda, almost know what I got you. I decided against a card because I wanted to tell you how I feel in person, but after your nightmare, I don't think there's anything I can add; you know perfectly well how I feel about you." He smiled as I took the gift and hugged it close. But this time, it was real, and Carlos was here to hold me as I took the ring off the chain and put it on my hand. Inscribed around it in fancy calligraphy was Mi amor, mi único, mi cielo. Exactly like in my dream, but even better with Carlos by my side. "Happy Anniversary, babyboo. I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, wishing that I could think of an embarrassing nickname for him on-the-spot. But whatever. Carlos was lying here next to me, and he's all I want. I snuggled closer to him as we fell asleep, simply happy to be in each other's arms, a teddy bear squished between us.

Author's Note: I TOLD YOU THE CHARACTER DEATHS HAD A PURPOSE. Even though they never actually died… teehee? :D But I felt that the warnings were appropriate since you wouldn't find out that they didn't die until the end. And I do realize that this chapter was longer than the others, but I didn't feel like I could split it up at any good place, nor did I want to split it. Besides, I just wanted to end Logan's nightmare. Two chapters are more than long enough.

Ending too cliché? Yeah, yeah, I know. "Ooooh it was just a nightmare." Sorry, but I don't have the heart to actually kill Carlos or Logan, much less both of them. That would be like throwing two teddy bears into a crocodile's mouth. I love them way too much to do that to them. :3

Sorry if Logan's suicide isn't medically accurate. I looked up and incorporated a few symptoms of overdose on sleeping pills, but I wasn't really sure what happens, nor do I intend to find out.

To Sean (aka Bone Chills): I know you hate the word "babyboo," but I can't stop myself from using it. I feel that it's appropriate in these situations. But I have eased up on the word, and will keep its usage fairly light. Consider it Carlos' way of maturing while still staying connected to his past. :)

To all my readers: please REVIEW! I like having e-mails saying "FF Review Alert." It makes me happy to know that people are reading my story.

By the way, an update probably won't come for a while. I'm feeling a bit uninspired at the moment, and on top of that, school is gonna take up most of my time. I promise you, I haven't given up on the story, because it's all planned out! Even somewhat written, so it would be a shame to just stop. But REVIEWS might give me more inspiration…? :D