Author's note: there is one more chapter after this! I just watched the Christmas episode and couldn't be more in love with Bartie, how did it go from a fairly odd, dubious couple to the sweetest, best relationship on the show (at the moment.) I think I am defiantly doing a season two drabbles now I have some direction on the plot and I want to flesh out Sam (who is sort of flat to me- but is sort of buds with Mike which is cool) and Beastie (the BEST character) and even Lauren (who I admit just amuses the hell out of me.)

Also anyone who cares I just finished all my classes and am getting my diploma so yay me.

Tina remembers the first time she doubted whether she was truly in love with Artie. They had been fooling around, the same way they always did, she would push him down and start kissing him and Artie would comply enthusiastically- despite where ever they were (not that she was big on PDA but sometime she just jumped him in odd places.)

They were going faster and further than they ever had before. They had touched before, Tina moved his hands and let her explore her chest and he would let her do the same. But this time she had undone his belt and she felt confident for once, she felt empowered and she went to pull at his pants when he stopped her.

"Don't" he murmured, and her hands hadn't stilled immediately "I just- I don't want to yet" she sighed and sat back in annoyance. "What does it matter" it would always matter to both of them but she was being snippy, "it probably wouldn't" he admitted and rung his hands together, "if it wasn't with you- you're what makes it matter."

He smiled shyly and she realised he wasn't just talking about the next step it there relationship and he quickly did up his pants to avoid her seeing more than a flash of scarring on his legs.

She had stood and told him it was fine, because she could wait, waiting- she admitted after when she was in the right head space- mattered. But she wasn't sure how much it mattered if it was Artie.

She had always imagined dancing at her wedding. Always. And it only just fully struck; she wasn't actually as okay as she always assumed she was.

And then there was Mike and the moment she realised she that he might be the one that mattered had been when he hadn't even seen her. He hadn't been facing her, he had been teaching one of the kids a dance move, and he was sweet and he loved her and he was dancing.

She must be a horrible person.

So after camp Tina ends up standing in front her house listlessly; she had forgotten what it was like to come home to an empty house. To be alone, to have no one. For a moment she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into the small cramped bed in her cabin surrounded by other cramped beds and imagine large empty houses did exist. Or at least pretend she didn't live in one.

She paced the halls before walking into her bedroom. She met Artie at the break between middle school and high school in her very short carer as shop assistant and his aunt's shop. And once she was sure she was practically in love with him (the second she was a freshman and realised how hard it was to be without him) she moved all her stuff to a empty bedroom downstairs. She desperately had wanted him to visit her, to sit on her bed and just talk (the thought of anything sexual hadn't even entered- which was probably why everything was so good back then.)

She ran upstairs to her old bedroom; it was larger, with hardwood floors. Her dad had hired someone to turn it into a dance studio for her. There were mirrors everywhere, and it was vaguely unsettling to see herself from so many angles in the comfort of her home.

Though sometimes she locked the door and striped down to her underwear and examined herself from every angle, trying to work out what wasn't quite right about her. with no elaborate clothes to hide in she was just like any other girl, worse now though- she was like Quinn or that girl who talks loudly and sits in front of her in science.

She was a bad girlfriend. A cheater. It hadn't seemed so bad at camp, but in the synthetic lights of her empty home, in her old room covered with mirrors she couldn't hide from herself. She couldn't hide from what she had done.

She had ended things with Mike decisively. They had only kissed, but when she hadn't done much more than that with her boyfriend she realised how awful that truly was.

Mike had frowned deeply but nodded understandingly and she had been grateful right up until he kissed her with one long strung out, soulful but chaste kiss. "I'll wait as long as you need" as she almost cried, because you couldn't love two people at once could you?

But as his every touch was seared into her skin and she ached at the memory of it all, she was sure it must be true, because she couldn't deny she still loved Artie. She had loved him when she was in braces and still wore cardigans and heavy knee socks, and she still loved him now- she just wasn't sure if it was enough. Because things were hard now.

She remembers that year of separation, when she was a freshmen and Artie wasn't there. Mike Chang wouldn't have looked at her twice, except for once when Matt had accidentally knocked a lunch tray out of her hands, Matt had stopped to help her and Mike had looked at her briefly and rolled his eyes. She had been an inconvenience, and probably still would have been considered one if he had known anyone else from camp.

She still wasn't convenient; she had a boyfriend, which wasn't convenient for anyone. Not anymore at least.

But when did she start viewing Artie and her relationship as convenient anyway? Certainly when both of them were anything but.

00000

Tina surprised Artie by showing up the day before she had texted she was due home. She had actually been home a day before that but had spent the whole day alone in her house, weighing her options, in front of the mirrors.

He had initially wanted to go out, but the wear on her face made him swiftly change his mind. "I have a new movie" he said awkwardly, but gripped her hand naturally. She barely felt his touch at all but knew he was moving his fingers slowly over every inch of the skin on her hand- cataloguing it inch by inch.

It was familiar and comforting just enough that she let herself sink into the touch. He let go and moved to make popcorn and she moved into the lounge room to sit, sometimes they would watch movies in his room, but she needed air, and Artie's room suddenly felt much to cramped. Much too… intimate.

They did small talk. How was summer? Did you make any new friends? Did you have fun? Each question as painful to answer as to ask and she let the conversation fall in way of the movie- she hadn't paid attention to the title. He reclasped their hands, his we're a little buttery and warm, and she could feel her fingers slip from his with every little movement.

He was quiet, and she was content to lean into him. It felt nice. To be with him, warmed by his presence and she felt protected from every bad feeling she'd ever had, and she remembered why she loved him. She remembered why she had always thought this could be enough.

He looked at her through the corner of his eye, like he was waiting for her to say something. She didn't- she knew tonight should be the night, but in the dark it didn't feel right to want to ruin everything.

She frowned and studied his face, every curve, every line. Everything she evidently didn't want. It was just too complicated because she wanted more than anything to still want this, to want him.

She grasped his shoulder, and he jerked in surprise. She kissed him, as hard as she could, and then again and pushed him back into the couch. He still felt the same, still tasted the same, everything was the same- except she wasn't.

He reached up and wrapped his hands around her neck, and kissed her, really kissed her. She let herself forget it wasn't right for a few minuets to just enjoy herself until he pulled back and she thought it was awful fast for him to be slamming the breaks.

"Do you…" he asked but kissed her again, "want to go to my bedroom?" Tina was stunned for a minuet, but this must be it. What she had been waiting for before summer, a declaration of trust.

He trusted her.

00000

She was back the next night. Artie had been politely confused and more than a little pissy when she had bailed so suddenly the night before. She asked if he wanted to do something and he produced that same movie, "we didn't see much of it before."

She agreed for if nothing else, at least she wouldn't have to concentrate too hard. He ordered Chinese- and to her credit Tina only looks at the food guiltily for a second before taking the food.

She taught him how to use chopsticks correctly and she giggled as he got rice all down his shirt and somehow lodged behind his glasses. She reached up and took his glasses gently asking him to shut his eyes to she could lightly remove the rice caught on his eye lids. She got real close and… blew. Artie's eyes snapped open and he almost fell out of his seat, she laughed and stabled him with her hand.

She put his glasses on; she'd done it before- never very long because his prescription gave her a headache. "Oh look I'm Artie and I can't eat rice" she giggles waving her arms about and he snatched his glasses back. "I" he said indignantly "do not wave my arms like that." She snorted "you kind of do when you're indignant, it's almost cute if you're not in hitting range."

He smacked her leg, "see that should have been a lesson" she scooted back, "I shouldn't make fun of you within smacking range." He laughed as well and leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek, and she fluttered her eyelashes across his skin in return. "What was that" he chuckled, "a butterfly kiss" she replied cutely so he swooped down to give her a Millon butterfly kisses.

They later turned into small sweet kisses until Tina pulled back, "we missed the movie again" she groaned looking at the credits and Artie flicked rice at her. "That's okay we can try again tomorrow" and Tina was struck by how much she actually wanted to see the movie to the end. "You wanted to talk to me anyway right?"

"Ah no" she grinned and took a large bite of her cold food, "it can wait."

00000

The third night they didn't watch almost any of it. And it was all Tina's fault.

She had resolved that maybe not everything was over between the two of them, so of course that when it slipped out. She had been looking at him and he had been laughing at the movie, and he was so nice and being such a good boyfriend (which he hadn't been all summer) and it slipped out.

"I can't do this."

He blinked at her owlishly, "what you don't want to watch the movie," she felt irrationally annoyed like he should somehow know what she meant make this easier. "No not this" she motioned to the TV, "this" she motioned franticly at the two of them. Her voice was a lot harsher than intended.

He stared blankly, "w-what?" she twisted her hands together and turned to look at him, "I met… someone…" there was a look of incomprehensible rage on his face and then it went blank.

"Who" he asked very quietly very controlled, "Mike Chang" she mumbled.

"Of course Mike Chang" Artie muttered deliriously, "he's just perfect isn't he" each word sounding darker than the next. "I-I" she stuttered "you w-w-w-what! T-Tina" he snapped and she had never seen him this angry and she felt her hands become wet and she realised she was crying.

She shook her head violently, "it's not because of what you think" but he laughed hollowly "what- because of the chair." She stood up violently and knocked over the table "God not everything is about you and your God damn chair Artie!" she's lying because it's a least a little about that and she could feel herself screaming because she so angry at both of them.

She caught out of the corner of her eye Artie's dad poking his head through the door before disappearing again. "So what! What was it that made him so great that it was okay to- to" he stuttered off like he was running out of steam "cheat on you" she muttered, "it was only a kiss" but so much more than any kisses they'd shared, "we can work through this" but she didn't really want to. Her heart wasn't there anymore.

"No" he croaked and she was relieved. "Just go" his head in his hands and he was pulling at his hair and two word were never meant to hurt that much strung together. "Yes" she croaked, she was crying more than him, but not by much "I'll just-"

She nicked the movie and watched it a dozen times thinking of the irony in what he had chosen to watch, but not feeling strong enough to return it.