Chapter 3: Aborted Plans

Author's Note:

This chapter takes place around S02E13: Critical Mass; with the necessary changes to include Lorne of course. The song is 'If I Really Loved You' by Guy Sebastian ... let me say up front that I love Guy, and not just because he's a good Adelaide boy (my home). I love this song too - you'll see why I feel the need to point that out after you've read this chapter! If you haven't heard the song, I have it favourited on my YouTube ID (ShaViva3) - along with the other songs I've used so far and a great version of The Climb done by Guy too. The previous two chapters were inspired and driven by the songs - this chapter is the opposite (I searched way too long for the right song and didn't really find what I was looking for) and hence I don't think it's as good. I hope you all still like it though! So, enough babbling ... on with the story!

Lorne stood at the view screen in the Daedalus mess, watching the blur of travel through hyperspace, a smile hovering just beneath his calm surface. Finally, he was on his way home – six months after leaving which, all things considered, was a little better than he'd hoped for.

He'd sent an email to Amy with the previous weekly transmission – with the almost three weeks it would take him to get home she'd have plenty of time for any organising she hadn't already done. A big part of him couldn't believe what he was on his way to do ... Evan Lorne was actually getting married. Only Colonel Sheppard knew, the other man slyly wishing Lorne a 'restful' vacation before officially transferring him to the Earth ship for the duration of the voyage. Now, the Daedalus was a week out from the city and still on the outskirts of the Pegasus galaxy – they had a long way to go.

Abruptly the blur of faster than light travel halted and the ship dropped back into normal space, grabbing his attention. Just as quickly they entered hyperspace again. Lorne frowned, watching for a few moments before feeling reassured enough to relax. A few minutes later the ship dropped out of hyperspace again, this time remaining in a stationary position.

"Lorne to Marks," Evan tapped his radio to speak to the ship's pilot.

"Marks here, Sir."

"Is there a problem with the ship Major?" Lorne queried.

"No Sir," Marks replied. "We received a transmission from the SGC ... about a bomb on Atlantis. We've moved the ship to be within communications range. Colonel Caldwell is requesting your presence on the bridge."

"I'll be right there." Closing the channel, Lorne strode from the mess, pushing the journey and what awaited him on Earth to the back of his mind.

"Major," Caldwell greeted Lorne as soon as he arrived.

"Sir, how could anyone get a bomb inside Atlantis?" Lorne queried grimly.

"That's just one of the many questions we don't have answers for," Caldwell returned. "We sent through a warning not to dial the gate as soon as we were back in range but ...,"

"But you have no idea yet whether they received the message in time," Lorne finished. He was worried, for the city itself and the people he'd grown to like and admire. He knew Caldwell had glossed over the fact that he'd pushed the Daedalus engines to the maximum to get close enough, and that they were now forced to hover at a point in space where they'd be able to send and receive messages from both Earth and Atlantis.

"That's right," Caldwell turned to Marks. "Try contacting them over subspace again."

Static greeted their efforts before abruptly stopping.

"Atlantis base to the Daedalus," Colonel Sheppard's voice came through loud clear.

"Caldwell here. What's your status?" None of his relief was apparent in the Colonel's voice.

"We received your message in time to stop the dialling sequence Colonel," Sheppard reported, raising relieved smiles from everyone. "Doctor Weir requested that you let the SGC know Sir ... and then she'd like you to return to Atlantis to assist in the investigation."

Lorne bit back the harsh 'No' that wanted to escape from his throat. They couldn't turn back, not now! But he knew they could ... and would. They had to because, harsh as it was, the most likely source for the bomb was from within the Daedalus itself.

Caldwell frowned, his eyes narrowed. "I take it the Doctor is aware that will cut off our communication with Earth?"

"Yes Sir," Sheppard replied. "I have teams searching the city but its slow going ... finding whoever's behind this might speed things up. Gate travel has been suspended indefinitely and McKay is about to pull the ZPM."

"Understood," Caldwell replied. "We're on our way but at full speed it'll still take us more than a day to get there."

"Yes Sir," John replied. "I'll let Elizabeth know. Atlantis out."

Caldwell shared a glance with Marks. "Lay in a course for Atlantis Major, maximum speed."

"Aye aye Sir, laying in a course for Atlantis, maximum speed."

Lorne stood motionless, his expression carefully blank, resisting the strong desire to request permission to send a personal message back to Earth before they moved out of range. He couldn't go there - ask for something purely for personal reasons - it just wasn't the kind of officer he was.

A sick feeling rose from the pit of Evan's stomach, constricting his throat, as he did the sums in his head. At least a day back to the city plus who knew how many more to resolve the situation. Probably another week after that before non essential communications were re-established. The result was coming out too close to the two weeks he had left before he was supposed to arrive. If things took longer than he was guessing then he was pretty much screwed. Amy wouldn't know he wasn't coming because there was no one at the SGC who'd think to tell her ... because he hadn't told anyone there his plans. If he couldn't get a message to her there was every chance Amy would think the worst – that he was abandoning her 'at the altar'.

Swallowing back the sudden desire to punch his fist into the wall, Evan spun and strode from the bridge. Hesitating for a moment he quickly decided on a destination. The gym would do just fine for the kind of distraction he needed.

"Atlantis, this is the Daedalus," Caldwell began as soon as the ship could make orbit. "Requesting permission to land beside the East pier."

Lorne stood on the Bridge, watching the proceeding, his arms folded across his chest. He'd resigned himself in the previous twenty four hours to accepting whatever happened, but it didn't mean he had to like it, his dark mood adding to the already serious expression he normally wore.

"Granted," Chuck returned. "I'll have someone inform Doctor Weir of your arrival."

"What's the situation down there?" Caldwell asked before Chuck could sign off.

"We haven't found the bomb yet Sir," Chuck replied. "Doctor Weir will want to update you on everything else."

"Understood," Caldwell turned to Marks. "Set us down Major, nice and slow."

Marks smiled just slightly - this was the kind of manoeuvre that was his bread and butter. "Yes Sir."

Lorne kept silent during their decent, saying nothing until the Daedalus engines were disengaged, the ship bobbing slightly as it settled into the water beside the pier. "Permission to report to Colonel Sheppard for duty Sir," he formally asked Caldwell.

"Granted," the Colonel replied briskly. "Go - help find that bomb."

Nodding, Lorne turned and made his way off the ship, stopping for a moment once he was on the pier. Looking up at the city, its towers rising to the sky before him, was stirring but even that couldn't raise his spirits. He wanted back on the Daedalus, back on the way home, which meant finding the bastards who'd wrecked his vacation plans. He didn't stop to drop off his gear or talk to anyone, going straight to the control room and Colonel Sheppard. "How can I help Sir?" he asked briskly.

"We need as many teams out there searching as possible," Sheppard replied.

"I'll assemble mine then Sir," Lorne turned, intent on doing his job.

"Major."

John's serious tone stopped Evan and he glanced reluctantly back at his CO, knowing what the other man was going to say. "Sir?"

"I'm sorry about your leave," Sheppard said simply. "Once we have this situation resolved we'll have you back on your way home."

"Thank you Sir," Lorne returned, appreciating that in the midst of a tense situation for the city, the Colonel still took a moment to acknowledge the impact it had on Evan personally. He turned to leave again, hesitating just as he got to the door. Colonel Sheppard had opened the way ... and Evan was comfortable in assuming his CO would tell him if he was asking too much. "Ah ... if it's appropriate Sir, I'd appreciate getting a message to Earth about the delay."

"I'll take care of it Major," John replied, letting Lorne see that he understood. They could have been talking about anything, staff at the various consoles paying them no mind.

"Thank you Sir," Lorne gave him a small smile before leaving to get his team together.

Reed and Coughlin had been assigned elsewhere in his absence - recalling them was a simple matter of finding other personnel to replace them on the other teams. That done, Lorne tapped into the control room to find out where the various teams had already searched and was soon leading his men towards the remote structures beyond the East Pier.

"You must be pretty bummed out Sir, if you don't mind my saying," Coughlin commented, following his CO down one of the longer corridors.

"About what?" Evan returned, shining his P90 light into another room and quickly assessing that it had nothing remotely able to either be a bomb or hide a bomb.

"About having to come back Sir," Coughlin clarified. "Especially if you had plans."

Evan smiled mirthlessly. Yeah, he'd had plans, although calling them by such a simple word hardly did them justice. "It's fine Sergeant," he said, hoping he was right. It was something that had crossed his mind a few times in the past six months - what it would take for Amy to change her mind, to decide he wasn't worth the kind of life she'd chosen so that she could be with him. Was there any one event that could put a crater in their relationship that nothing would fix?

"Yes Sir," Coughlin exchanged a glance with his younger team mate, the two in agreement. It wasn't fine, not if Lorne's grimmer than usual countenance was anything to go on. Since they couldn't force their CO to confide in them, Coughlin decided he'd just have to be there, as best he could, when needed, even if it was just to hold the punching bag for the Major.

Lorne glanced back to see both his team mates eyeing him with concern, and held back an impatient sigh. This was why he didn't share his personal concerns ... and why he probably should have in this case. It wasn't like he could come back from leave a married man and not tell anyone - even he could see that wasn't an option, and that it would be an insult to Amy in any case. "Now isn't the time," he told them abruptly, "but I'll fill you both in ... after we get done ridding the city of this Trust menace."

"Yes Sir," Coughlin grinned. "Would it be wrong for me to hope that our team finds the culprits Sir?"

"Not at all Sergeant," Lorne replied, amused. "In fact I'd say it's our due - something to make it worth my while being here instead of still on my way back home."

They continued down the corridors, searching rooms and finding nothing that could be considered out of place. "This is like looking for a needle in a haystack when you haven't even found the haystack yet," Lorne said impatiently, tapping his radio. "McKay, this is Lorne. Have you made any headway on narrowing down what exactly it is we're looking for?"

"If I knew that you wouldn't need to look for it," McKay shot back sarcastically. "Look, just concentrate on any areas important enough to put the city itself at risk."

"Right," Lorne narrowed his eyes, considering. "Are there any weak points at the base of the city?" he queried.

"You're thinking the bomber wants to blow a hole through it?" Rodney's tone went from complaining to interested. "That could work ... hang on."

Lorne stood, waiting only a few moments before McKay returned. "The weakest points where a big enough hole could actually sink the city are directly under the central tower Major. We don't have any teams searching there."

"Okay, great - we're on it," Lorne motioned for Coughlin and Reed to switch direction, heading back the way they'd come. They walked silently back to the centre of the city, taking the stairs down until they were under sea level, eventually hitting the lowest floors of Atlantis. The lights came on to illuminate the darkness as they slowly walked, checking the corridors and every room for something that shouldn't be there.

"Lorne, abort the search," Colonel Sheppard radioed them when they were only halfway through the search.

"Sir?" Lorne exchanged a frowning glance with his men.

"We've located the bomb," Sheppard explained.

"You and your team will manage corralling the Daedalus personal to Doctor Weir for questioning," John told him a short time later.

Lorne nodded, expressionless. It wasn't the best duty, playing policeman slash baby sitter, but it was necessary. The bomb wasn't a physical thing – instead the systems had been turned against them. If they didn't find whoever was behind this, get their codes and reinstall a bunch of safety protocols, then something as simple as dialing the gate could end up destroying the city.

Doctor Weir told him who she wanted to talk to and then Evan organized a schedule, escorting each person to the meeting room. It was as uncomfortable as he'd expected, something about being called in for questionning making even the most innocent of people feel guilty. Some of the interviews went on for a long time ... standing guard impassively when he wanted to grab the likely suspects and demand they give him what was needed was a challenge.

"Please let this be over soon," Lorne thought, sighing when he saw who was next on the list. Doctor Kavanagh. The guy who had something to say about everything, none of it complimentary. This one was going to take a while.

Amy couldn't believe it, despite the letter in her hand spelling it out in black and white. The company she'd worked for since college was shutting down, taking her job along with it. What was she going to do? That job had been perfect because she did most of it at home which meant she could live anywhere. She didn't want to have to move away from Colorado Springs. Evan wasn't stationed there day to day anymore but it was still his base of operations in the US, the place where she sent all her letters and emails and that forwarded his on in return. She felt closer to him living there.

It was only natural that she'd get a little upset, that she'd wish Evan could be there to hug her and tell her it would be okay. She could almost hear that purposeful but so gentle way of his as he stated his positive opinions on her talent. "Any employer would be lucky to have you," he'd say in that tone that said he was speaking the only truth in existence. "And you have me - I know you don't need it but I can help - just until you find another job." She missed that ... having the confidence and assurance of someone who knew where they were supposed to be.

She could laugh at her imagination instead of having it send her even further into tears because Evan would be home soon. It was the only thing making it bearable. In just two weeks Evan would be home and they'd be getting married. That was enough to keep any woman sane.

Still, she had to do something during those two weeks. Cleaning up her files and sending anything back that she couldn't keep or delete was a good place to start, and it would give her a reason to start up her computer. It was an innocent thing, checking her inbox to see if she had any messages. She couldn't resist looking multiple times a day, always hopeful for something forwarded on from Cheyenne Mountain AFB, even though messages usually came through on a specific day each week. When she saw the familiar email address she broke into a smile - something from Evan was just what she needed to cheer her up. Clicking the message open, she frowned. It wasn't from Evan, but rather from someone else - a Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Was he Evan's CO? Had something happened? The smile dropping from her face, Amy quickly skimmed the message.

"Ms Rousseau,

I'm sorry to inform you that Major Lorne's arrival will be delayed due to a situation at the base - at this stage I can't tell you exactly how long it will be before he'll make it back to the States. Communications are restricted for now - I'm sure you'll receive a personal message from Major Lorne as soon as the restrictions are lifted.

Regards

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard."

A tear plopped onto the keyboard before she realized she was crying. Taking a breath that sounded too much like a whimper she read through the message again, looking for anything reassuring. Evan's trip home had been delayed, not cancelled. That was positive, wasn't it? But what kind of 'situation' would warrant a communications restriction and delay him for weeks? It did say that Evan would email her himself when he could, so at least she knew he was all right. For now anyway - who knew what kind of trouble his base was in.

Another tear ran down her cheek, splashing onto the space bar. Amy swiped it away, but more tears swelled, obscuring her sight. Pushing her chair away from the desk she wrapped her arms around her middle and just cried, expressing her disappointment and her concern for Evan's safety in the only way she could. It was just so unfair ... that something would happen now, when Evan was supposed to be coming home to her! And today, when she was missing him so badly she'd already wanted to curl up under the bedcovers and pretend the day had never happened.

If only she could talk to him! Sobbing quietly now, Amy realized this was something she'd have to get used to. There was no point in crying for something that wasn't possible - time to toughen up and be the kind of woman who could roll with the punches all by herself. Because if she couldn't Evan would know - and then he'd start questioning again the right and wrong of their relationship. Her losing her job wasn't his fault; whatever had happened to delay him wasn't either. And she knew, with complete certainty, that if he could be there for her, he would.

"He'll be home soon," she murmured, trying to console herself. The tears that refused to stop rising showed what a crappy job she was doing ... maybe she wasn't quite up to just rolling with those punches just yet.

"Amy,

I know you received a message from Colonel Sheppard and that it would have been pretty brief - I wish I could have cushioned that for you but just getting any kind of message to you was hard enough. So you know now that I'm still coming home but I won't be able to make it back there as planned. I'm really sorry - if it was inside my control I'd be there. I hope you know that. We had a situation on the base and all travel was cancelled. I can't tell you why ... and it doesn't really matter I guess. The situation's been resolved but with the way we organize travel from here back home it adds another four weeks to my E.T.A.

I don't know what you had planned for the wedding - I was looking forward to finding out. Look, try to reschedule but if you can't it doesn't matter to me. I'll marry you in the Vegas Chapel of Love and call myself lucky. But I wanted somthing better for you since we're only going to do this once. It'll be more waiting when I've already kept you waiting for too many years ... I don't know what I can say to make this better.

All I know is I'm still coming home ... to you. I love you Amy - we'll work something out, okay.

Evan."

Evan clicked send on the message, shutting down his computer before grabbing the duffle from his bed. It felt like déjà vu - walking down the corridors of Atlantis on his way to the Daedalus beam up point. This time it was different - because Stephen Caldwell was in the infirmary after having a Gou'ald symbiote beamed out of his brain, forcing Lorne to take command for the trip home.

"Just get the Daedalus there in one piece Major," Colonel Sheppard said, a faint smirk suggesting he found it amusing that Evan would have to captain his own ship home. "No side trips, and no making first contact with anyone, understood?"

"I think I can manage that Sir," Lorne returned, only a hint of amusement showing in his eyes.

"Good luck Lorne," Sheppard said seriously. "I hope there won't be any major repercussions over the delay in getting you home."

"I hope so too Sir," Evan replied, revealing a little of the worry he'd lived with.

"You'll do fine," John said bracingly. 'Now, get out of here, and don't come back anytime soon. That's an order."

Evan grinned. "Yes Sir."

"Oh, and Major," Sheppard began, waiting until Lorne looked back to him before he finished. "Bring back some photos - show people what you got up to while you were away."

"Ah … Yes Sir," Lorne nodded, not willing to examine why that idea both excited him and filled him with dread. As a message that the Colonel wasn't going to keep Lorne's change of marital status a secret it couldn't have been clearer.

After a long day getting his head around the unfamiliar routine of being in command of the Daedalus, Evan was more than ready to grab a coffee and retire to his quarters. Striding into the mess he nodded politely to those already occupying some of the tables before making his way to the server. He was tired enough that it took a while for his brain to register that someone had switched on the CD player. The artist wasn't familiar but the opening lines really grabbed his attention.

"If I really loved you baby, I would let you be.

I wouldn't drag you down this winding road with me.

As torturous and lonely that letting go may be,

if I really loved you baby, I would set you free."

Stirring his coffee slowly, Evan kept his face blank, still listening.

"If I really loved you baby I would put you first.

I'd help you love yourself and not bring out your worst.

I'd help you see your dreams and I would never stand between.

If I really loved you baby, I would set you free."

"Excuse me, Sir?"

Focussing away from the song and his thoughts and back to his surroundings, Evan turned to see one of the junior officers assigned to the Daedalus regarding him with an earnest expression. "Yes Airman?"

"I was just wondering Sir, how Colonel Caldwell is," the woman replied. "We heard some of the story but nothing since we left Atlantis."

"He'll be fine Airman," Lorne replied, reassuringly. "By the time we get back to Earth I'm sure the Colonel will be impatient to retake command."

"Thank you Sir," the woman gave him a grateful half smile, waiting for him to nod a kind of dismissal before turning to rejoin her friends. As soon as she did, Evan's attention returned to the music.

"If I really love you baby you would never cry.

You'd always feel beautiful; morning, day and night.

You'd feel your best is good enough, even if you fail.

You'd feel you're living in your own fairy tale."

There was no doubt in his mind that sometime since Amy had received that message from Colonel Sheppard, she'd cried. Not just because he'd been delayed, or that their wedding had been affected, although he knew that would have been upsetting. No, she'd have cried out her worry for him. In her eyes a communications blackout and a four week delay would be scary serious – rather than just practicalities forced by how far away he was stationed. There was no fairy tale in that for Amy, and he'd never wished that he could tell her about Pegasus and Atlantis more than he did right then.

"And the answer to the question is yes I really love you.

Yes I really love you more than you could know.

But because I really love you –,"

Striding to the CD player, Lorne pressed the skip button firmly, cutting the song to an abrupt ending. His actions had everyone in the Mess looking at him – surprised, curious, concerned – and he gave a rueful shrug. "Sorry - not my favourite song," he excused his actions lightly.

He got a few understanding looks as he returned to his table and the coffee he'd hardly touched. He didn't really care what impression his actions had created though. All he knew was that he'd had enough of songs about 'doing the right thing' when that meant leaving someone else for their own good, and he really had no interest in finding out how this particular singer had resolved things.

Evan had made peace with his choices and with Amy's ... and he'd do everything in his power to make sure the positives of their relationship balanced the hard times and what she'd sacrificed. And in only seventeen days he'd be able to promise her that, along with his heart, his commitment, and his future.