Sorry – a bit of a short chapter – I had to watch the Oscars! (Yeah for Colin Firth and The King's Speech – one of my all time favorite movies).
"I think we need to go and see if the Jaffa have returned or if there's any sign of rescue." Jack and Sam were sitting on the side of the hill watching the stars. The weather was starting to get colder and the sun was going down sooner so they wanted to enjoy the evening as long as they could. They both knew they didn't have much time before winter set in and they'd pretty much be stuck with the tribe until spring – if they didn't get rescued.
"Do you think they'll let us go?" Sam asked. They'd wanted to go to the cave together but the Chief had protested. He was afraid they'd leave and not return. In the end Jack had gone with Drobe, who again waited for him at the fork of the trail.
Jack had tried, on numerous occasions to get the man to tell him why he wouldn't go any farther. Other than a few mumbled words about 'Chewi', he hadn't said anything. Jack had worried that the cave was in Chewi's territory but when he pressed the matter that didn't seem to be it. Well, it was all rather confusing but he had managed to get the rest of the fish and the few items he'd left after his first visit.
That had been almost a week ago and Jack knew they had to go check things out - even though part of him wanted to remain. These last few days had been wonderful. He and Sam had spent time together, exploring their new relationship. He felt them growing closer everyday.
The trauma of the past few weeks was beginning to fade although they both knew it would probably never go away completely. Still, they were learning to deal with it – especially with the love and support of the other.
Neither of them had approached the subject of what would happen when they returned to earth. For now it was enough that they were together. They'd worry about the future – well, in the future.
"Probably not." Jack answered her earlier question. "We'll have to figure out a way to go without them knowing."
"That's going to be pretty hard. It's not like we get a lot of time alone. There are people around all the time."
"Yeah, I know. There's gotta be something we can do. We also need our weapons in case we do run across any Jaffa."
"Jack."
"Yeah?"
"Why do you think we haven't been rescued yet? Do you think they couldn't find us?"
Jack had thought about this and he was sure Sam had as well. In fact, she probably had a better idea than he did but simply needed to talk about it.
"No, I think if the Asgard or Tokra came they'd find us. They can certainly read life signs so they'd know where to look. We've agreed we can't expect a rescue from anyone from earth." He stopped and grinned, remembering an earlier conversation. "Our grandkids will have to wait for that!" He could hear her snort, as she also remembered that embarrassing episode. "No, I expect it's like we said earlier; Hammond probably had trouble contacting anyone right away. I'm sure they'll be here soon."
She hoped he was right although she couldn't help but worry. There was always the possibility that something bad had happened and they were not on any priority list. Or earth may have thought that she and Jack were dead and it wasn't worth it to bother.
No, on reflection she didn't believe that. Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't stop until they knew for sure. No, it must be like Jack said, their allies hadn't been contacted yet – or were too busy right now.
There was something else bothering her however and she didn't know quite how to discuss it with Jack. They hadn't really talked about it – in fact, other than his quip of a moment ago it hadn't even come up. But, it was something they needed to deal with.
"Jack", she said again.
He turned to look at her, hearing something serious in her voice.
"What is it?"
"There's something …. we need to …. discuss." She was avoiding looking at him.
"Okay", he answered carefully. This didn't sound too good and he was worried.
"It's about … well, it's … You know that comment you made a couple of minutes ago?"
He looked at her in confusion. "Ah, I'm afraid you'll have to be a bit more specific – what comment?"
"About …. grandkids."
"Yeah". Was that what was bothering her? Had he embarrassed her? "I'm sorry – I was just teasing, I didn't mean any - "
"I know, that's okay. It just – it just made me think. Well actually, it's something I've been thinking about for a while and something we have to talk about."
"Grandkids?" he asked surprised.
"No, kids. I mean children."
"Children?" Oh, so that's what this was about. Beginning to feel very uncomfortable he began to fidget. "You want to talk about having kids?" He didn't know what to think. It's not something he'd ever really considered with Carter – since he hadn't thought there could be anything between them anyway. In fact, he hadn't really considered the thought of having more kids at all. After Charlie he'd promised himself never to go there – he couldn't handle another loss so figured it would be better not to put himself in that position.
But still, they were in a relationship and whatever happened he had hopes that it was permanent so he supposed they had to have this talk. He just wished it could have waited until they got back.
Finally, after a few seconds of panic he turned to Sam. "Okay." He looked at her, willing her to start talking. He really didn't know what to say.
"Jack … I – it's not something we've ever discussed and I don't know how you feel about it. Heck, I don't even know how I feel about it. But we have to consider it." She stopped, finding this incredibly difficult. His expression wasn't helping – he obviously didn't want to discuss this.
"In another few days my birth control won't work anymore." There, now hopefully he'd say something.
Oh God. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought about it. Well, he had given it a passing thought but he knew the women in SG units were on birth control. He just hadn't thought about it wearing off. Crap – this made things difficult.
"Oh." Way to go Jack – good answer!
"Yes, well it means we have to decide what to do."
"Yeah."
Sam was really starting to get pissed off. He wasn't helping in the least. Did he think this was just about her? Why the hell didn't he say something?
"So, what do we want to do?"
"Uh – I don't … I haven't … Damn Carter, I don't know." He rubbed his hands through his hair. He looked over at Sam and saw that she was looking upset. In fact, she looked like she was on the verge of tears.
God damnit Jack – you can do better than this! Reaching over to her he pulled her to him. "I'm sorry Sam. I'm not helping am I? I guess I was just – surprised. With everything that's gone on I just haven't thought about it, which is bad, I know." He kissed the top of her head, which was buried in his shoulder. "I didn't mean to be a jerk – I just needed a minute to - "
"Breathe again!"
"Yeah", he laughed. "Breathing is definitely a plus. Look, we need to discuss this, I agree. What with all our … activity" he could hear her choke at this, "we need to decide if we want to risk you getting pregnant." He could feel her nod. He assumed that meant she was agreeing with him. "And I guess then we need to discuss the whole idea." She nodded again. "Well, I don't know Sam. I haven't really thought about it. I mean, until we landed here I hadn't even thought we had a chance to get together."
At this she finally lifted her head and sat back. She felt so much better now that Jack was ready to talk. She realized she shouldn't have gotten so upset. It had been a shock for the man – she had to give him a break. He'd actually come around pretty quickly.
"Me either." She answered shortly. She wasn't going to tell him about those late night fantasies she'd had about having little brown eyed babies.
"So", he said, looking at her.
"So?" she answered. They both started laughing, knowing that neither wanted to be the first to jump in.
"Okay" he figured he should show some courage and start the conversation. "Do you want kids?" Fine – he really was a coward!
"I – I guess. I hadn't thought about it too much. I guess I figured that one day I would. It just wasn't something that really came up. I mean, I wasn't in a relationship and with the war with the Goa'uld it didn't seem like the right time anyway."
"So, if it was your choice you'd wait?"
"I – I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"Well, as I said, I wasn't in a relationship so it didn't come up. But now I am and – if we're stuck here it could be a possibility if we continue to …." She looked at him. "What about you? Do you want children?" She knew this had to be difficult for him.
With a heavy 'huff' of breath he leaned back. "I don't know Sam. As I said, I hadn't thought about us getting together but – it's more than that. After I lost my son I decided I couldn't ever put myself into a position where I could … lose another child." She reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. He gave a small smile.
"I understand", she replied. "That's okay – we don't need to - "
"No", he interrupted. "I just wanted you to know that that's what I used to think. Now – well things have changed. It still scares me – terrifies me actually – but it also kind of – appeals to me." He grinned a small grin. "I kind of like the thought of having a passel of blond haired geniuses."
"Really? I kind of like the idea of a bunch of brown haired, brown eyed little imps!"
"Imps? You callin' me an 'imp' Carter? Not very respectful of your commanding officer."
"No Sir – I'd never call Colonel O'Neill an 'imp'. Now Jack – yes definitely."
They smiled at each other, the tension lessening. They both sobered up after a second, knowing they hadn't really resolved anything yet.
"So – I guess we're both saying it could be something we'd consider?"
"Yes."
"But that still leaves the 'now'."
"Yes."
"Ya gotta help me out a bit here Sam. I can't make this decision all on my own."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do. If I knew we were leaving in a few days I think I'd be able to hold on. If we're stuck here for longer – I don't know Jack. I don't know if I can sleep beside you and not – make love with you. I don't think the tribe would be too happy either."
"I don't know about the tribe – I know I wouldn't be. So, that leaves us with the choice; we continue with what we're doing and chance you getting pregnant or we 'abstain' from now on which I think we agree is going to be very difficult."
"Yeah."
"Well, we know the problem. What should we do about it?" They looked at each other, knowing what they should do but not wanting to make that decision.
"Well – I guess we should – exercise restraint?" he said softly.
"Yeah." What was wrong with her? She seemed to be able to speak only in monosyllables.
"It'll be hell."
"Yeah."
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Ah – what do you think? And please, don't say 'yeah'."
"Okay. ….. I guess you're right but I don't want to."
"Don't - ?"
"Want to exercise restraint."
"No, me either."
"So, let's not."
"But Sam – what if you get pregnant? What if we don't get rescued for months? Do you really want to chance having a child here?"
"I don't think it'll be months Jack."
"Maybe not, but it's a possibility."
"I know. Well then, I guess we should stop doing what we're doing."
"Okay."
"Okay." They sat quietly for a few minutes, neither of them happy.
"Oh hell!"
"Yeah", she repeated. "It is."
"Did you say that your birth control has a while before it runs out?"
"Maybe, I think so. I think about a week although I'm not totally sure."
"So, we could be taking a chance even now?"
"Yeah".
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm all for taking chances. It's kind of what SG1 does. What do you say?"
She turned to look at him and grinned.
"I say …. Yeah!"
Smiling they decided to return to the cave. Hell, they had a week! (Maybe!)
I figured this would be a discussion they'd have to have considering their 'activity'. What the resolution will be - hmmm! Still thinking about it!