Ta-da! I am alive. Shocking I know. First, I want to apologize for neglecting my stories. I've had three major things happen to me lately. Graduating high school, a painful end to a long relationship, and I lost a member of my family this past summer. So, of course it's quite the adjustment when so many things happen all at once. But now, I've developed a new routine so hopefully that'll mean more postings. (If you haven't given up on me already.) I'm debating which stories I will continue and which I won't so…we'll see. Alright, enough of my ramblings. I hope the wait was worth this chapter. I love hearing from you, bad or good, so here you go….

"Hey. It's me….again. This is like the hundredth message I've left you and quite honestly I don't know whether I should be worried or pissed. At the moment I'm a little worried so please, please call me so I can be angry like I want to be. I hope everything is alright and you're just selfishly enjoying not having me around. I miss you and love you. Call me. Soon."

I hung up with a sigh before tossing my phone on the bed. This was getting really ridiculous. It wasn't like Taylor not to check in. I ran a hand threw my hair and groaned before looking up towards the ceiling. When she finally did call I was going to give her a piece of…

"You love the house this much? You want to leave a little Haley-was-here mark with all that pacing."

My head whipped towards the doorway to find Emma standing there with her hands on her hips.

"I didn't even realize I was. Sorry."

"No apologies needed. Do you need to talk?" She sent me a light smile but stayed rooted in the doorway. I knew she wouldn't enter without me inviting her in. Sometimes the amount of manners this woman possessed baffled me.

I smiled back before nodding and gesturing for her to enter. I sighed and sat on the bed and waited for her to follow suit.

"Is this about you sister? Because I'm sure she's alright. I can try and find someone to call to have someone there to check in on…"

"Thanks. I'm sure Taylor is just fine. She's just being….well, Taylor. But thank you for the offer. It means a lot."

"We would do anything, Haley, to make you feel comfortable. And I know you may disagree, having just come off grounding, but that's all part of being part of a family. Knowing there are going to be consequences for your decisions."

The quick smile that appeared at the word family faltered as she continued her speech. I ran a hand threw my hair before angling my self so I was fully facing her.

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. The whole 'consequence for your decisions' thing." She nodded her head urging me to go on. Boy was this going to be difficult.

I mean it's not like I could come right out and say, 'So, Emma, what's the consequence for practically having sex with the guy your daughter is completely in love with.'

No, can't say that.

I mean we could try, 'I did something I knew was wrong at the party a few nights ago. I got totally caught up in the heat of the moment and it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. I swear.'

Then I would need to beg to stay. That could work. Play the sad hormonal teenage victim. It worked in the movies, right?

Only problem with that is I don't believe it. It wasn't just nothing. It's never nothing when it comes to Nathan Scott. Every time I'm around him my mind and body just go into overdrive. All rational thoughts leave my mind and I just loose it. Hell, we both would have completely 'lost it' if our surroundings didn't kick in in time to stop us from going all the way.

And I don't even know how it escalated that far. One second I was trying to tell him why we couldn't, then the next he was just looking at me with those gorgeous blue eyes that sparkle when the light hits them a certain way and it's just so…..totally not the point. See, I'm helpless when it comes to him and quite honestly I'm not sure how I feel about this. Which is probably why I haven't returned any of his calls. I know, I know. I'm horrible. I just need some time to re-evaluate the situation. Sort some things out before I look back into those eyes and loose my mind… again.

"Are you in trouble? If you are you can tell me, I'll help you. Just tell me the truth." I looked back over at Emma and had to blink a few times to clear my mind of Nathan Scott and focus back on the topic at hand.

"I'm not in trouble. Not really. I just…"

"You aren't pregnant are you?"

"Umm…no?"

I blinked a few more times and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling as I watched her look me up and down. I'm not sure if she was looking for scars and bruises or if she was actually looking for a baby bump. Either way I thought it was funny.

"Stop laughing at me. I find you pacing, you've been even more distant then normal lately, and then you say we need to have a serious talk. I'm freaking out over here."

"First, I'm laughing with you. Not at you. You just need to join in is all. I mean honestly, you just asked if I was preggo. Like I would ever want to reproduce. Like anyone would ever want me to reproduce." She smiled wearily at me as I took a deep breath. It was now or never. And even though a huge part of me was screaming NEVER, I knew I had to do something before I exploded. "Have a…hav…hmm."

"Out with it Haley."

"Have you ever liked a boy you knew a friend of yours liked?"

I rushed it out before I could change my mind then closed my eyes and waited for her reply. Although I was pretty sure I knew how Saint Emma would answer.

"Yes. I think every girl has. I mean, you can't really help who you develop a crush on. It just happens. Why?"

"Have you ever had said boy like you back instead of your friend?"

"Yes."

"Did you act on it?"

"Yes."

I stared at her with my mouth hanging open as her lips turned upwards.

"No one is perfect Haley. Especially teenagers. I was one too you know."

"You are perfect. That's why I...I just can't believe it. What happened?" I crossed my legs under me and turned more towards her. She did the same and I saw her play with her hands before looking back up at me.

"I lost her." She said with a frown and my mouth dropped once again. She reached over and tapped my chin before letting out another deep breath. "It was my freshman year of college and me and my best friend decided to go to the same school. We were so happy to be together and be roommates and all the jazz. It was like our dream. Living together, being away from home. A few months into school she came home and went on and on about this boy in her English Lit class. He was perfect supposedly. Tall and handsome. Smart and personable. She was taken. Of course she had never spoken two words to him but still..." I watched her laugh as her eyes glazed over. She looked back down at her hands in her lap and then back up towards the ceiling. "I could tell you everything about the time I first saw him. How many clouds were in the sky. How many people were walking in the quad. What he was wearing. It's stupid I guess. After all these year I still remember that day. It's not even very romantic. I was running late to class-my alarms fault-and I was running, sprinting really. I had thought I was doing a good job at dodging people but I guess not because the next thing you know I'm colliding into someone and we both go toppling to the ground. Me on top of him. Oh, it was terrible."

"Sounds pretty great to me. And it must have worked in your advantage too." I commented offhandedly causing her to laugh and tug at my hair.

"Yes. I suppose it did. For weeks I kept running into him, not literally of course. I found out later he had been asking around about me so he knew where I would be so we could 'accidentally' bump into one another. Then it advanced to coffee, and then dinner. I was falling for him and it was happening so fast. Every time I was around him my head would spin and I couldn't think straight. Oh, it was terrifying. I even tried to see other people to get him out of my mind but…it didn't work. I was in love." She smiled wistfully as I bit my lip. This sounded way too familiar for comfort. "One day I invited my friend to come out with us, I thought it was time they met. They were two of the most important people in my life. I wanted them to like each other. Man, I was so nervous that night." She let out a small laugh before shaking her head at herself. "As you can guess she was none to pleased to see the two of us together. She threw a fit actually."

"That doesn't even make sense. It's not like she talked to him. He probably didn't even know she existed! And you didn't know that he was the one she liked." I shouted throwing my hands in the air as Emma smiled.

"That doesn't matter to ones ego honey. And I was her best friend, I should have just known. We argued for hours on end. It went on for weeks until we both decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. When break came we went separate ways and she requested and new roommate for the following semester. I tried to talk to her. I thought if she knew how happy I was with him then she'd be happy for me but…."She looked over to the side and I reached down and squeezed her hand.

"It's her loss. Besides, she sounds like a total bitch to me."

"Haley! Don't say that. It's not nice."

I shrugged at her shocked face before busting out laughing. A few seconds later I was happy when she joined in.

"Well, what happened to the boy? Was it all worth it?"

"She married him. I think the jury is still out on the 'worth it' part though."

I sat up straighter to see over Emma and noticed for the first time Mark leaning against the door frame.

"He was more then worth it to me." Emma said untangling herself from the bed. I watched as she walked over and into her husbands awaiting arms. I smiled at the couple but I couldn't help but feel even more confused. Was losing Kate's friendship for good worth it? Was he worth it? I wish I believed in happily ever after. I wish I could have my cake and eat it too. I wish….ugh, I don't even know anymore. I wish…

"I wish you two would take that lovey dovey crap out of my room." I said placing a bright smile on my face as they both turned to face me.

"Yes. We should leave her room and go retire to our own." Mark said with an obvious wink towards Emma as I made gagging noises and she blushed.

"You do that. I'm gonna go….anywhere but here." I grabbed my shoes and breezed past them and down the stairs shaking my head.

"Haley!"

I turned and saw Emma standing on the landing making her way down the stairs towards me.

"I know my curfew. I won't be long."

"I wasn't sure if we were done with our talk. Is there a boy you like? Is something going on you need help with?"

I sighed before looking over to my right. Staring back at me was a huge mother-daughter portrait. I inwardly groaned before fixing a smile on my face.

"I'm ok. Just hypothetical stuff. Future reference."

"You're sure?" I nodded before quickly making a beeline for the front door.

"I win. Again. You know, you should get depressed more often. It's kinda nice kicking your ass once in a while." Lucas dribbled the ball a few times before glancing over at his brother with a frown. "No snide remark? No name calling or punch to the face for beating you half a dozen times."

"It was twice. Don't get too cocky." Nathan stole the ball before it reached the blonde's hand again and made the shot from where he was standing. "Besides, I'm not focused. If I where…well, we both know you wouldn't stand a chance." He smirked in his brother's direction and laughed at the glare he received in return.

"You're worried about me getting cocky? Ha! Take a look in the mirror little brother. Take a good long look."

"I do. Often actually. And I love what I see."

Lucas shook his head and muttered something under his breath that Nathan couldn't hear but he was sure it was for the best. Looking at the basketball then back at his brother who had retired to the bench off to the side of the court, Nathan was glad he let Lucas talk him into coming out. He really needed to come, play some ball, and clear his head. It surely had to be better then sitting in his room staring at his phone all day. He had no idea what was going on with him. He was Nathan fucking Scott for god sakes. He made girls wait for him. He left them wanting more and knew just how to let them down when he got bored. Not the other way around. He wasn't one to pine. He wasn't one to sit around and wait for his phone to ring. Which, it hadn't in three very long days.

What was her problem? She was always so hot and cold with him. It was beginning to drive him insane. One second she'd be into him and the next…nothing. Not a word for days.

He ran a frustrated hand threw his hair before looking back towards his brother. The blonde was grinning from ear to ear while staring at his phone. Obviously he was talking to Brooke.

Sometimes that's what Nathan wanted. A stable relationship. When he saw how happy the couple were around each other it made him yearn for that happiness. But he also saw them bicker over the stupidest things. And that, that made him never want to have a girlfriend. Girls were just too, too...too needy. And clingy. He got a lot of that. Hell that had been one thing he was avoiding at the party the other night when she showed up in his private hiding spot. She was all there and beautiful and ready. Then…nothing. She was just, gone.

Letting out a frustrating sigh Nathan turned to look back over at his brother to still see him engrossed in his phone call and he found himself getting even more frustrated. What happened to guy's day? Just the guys hanging out, a little ball, maybe some pizza and NBA live, and then ESPN all night long. But no, Lucas just had to call Brooke. What a whipped little pu….

"Nate? You ready to go?"

Nathans head shot up and he noticed Lucas making his way towards him. He furrowed his brows before scowling.

"I guess the question is are you? I mean, I am, but if you got a better offer….go ahead. I don't need you. My feelings mean nothing to anyone obviously."

"Actually, I did. But I promised I would hang out with you today. Try and get you out of this funk. So don't take your anger out on me. Got it?" Lucas pushed a finger into Nathans shoulder and met him glare for glare.

He knew he should try and take it easy on his brother. He had never faced rejection before, but honestly, there was only so much one could take. And frankly, Lucas was tired of his brother's mood.

He had never seen Nathan like this and he didn't understand. He didn't know what happened the other night but he knew who was to blame for his little brother's mood swings.

It was funny to Lucas actually. He always knew someday a girl would swoop in and knock the raven haired boy right off his feet. Little did he know it would be Miss. Haley James. The new girl next door. She seemed nice enough. Defiantly troubled, but he supposed that was to be expected. But, Nathan must have seen something else that Lucas didn't. Something that gave him strong feelings for this girl.

Looking at him now, scowl on face, Lucas couldn't help but smile and step back, lifting his hands in surrender. His little brother was slowing falling in love. And that, Lucas thought with a smile still plastered on his face, was going to make this one hell of an interesting summer.

"Come on, Nate. I'm just dying to kick your ass on all the games we have at home." He said punching his brother in the arm, laughing when Nathan snorted.

"I told you I was distracted. I'm not anymore. I refuse to be. Your ass is mine big brother."

"Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever you say."

"Whatever you say. I don't care. I'm done." The blonde pushed the hair out of her face before plopping down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

"You don't even know her. Just try and be nice. Jake said…"

"Jake? My Jake? Why the hell is my boyfriend going behind my…."

"Relax . You know Jake; he just wants peace through out the land." The brunette replied with a wink before kicking most of her bags underneath the table. She put her chin in her hands then stared at her best friend.

Honestly, that's what Brooke really wanted. For once in her life for everyone to just get along. But, living in Tree Hill, drama capital of the world, she knew it would never happen. She continued to stare at her friend and watched her squirm in her chair before letting out an exasperated sigh. A slow smile stared to spread as Peyton leaned across the table towards her.

"I just don't want anyone to get hurt. Nathan is up and down over this girl. And Kate…god Kate is in love with him for god sakes. What about her feelings? This girl comes out from no where and just starts screwing with everyone. It's not alright."

"Kate is a child. She will get over him the second she steps into Tree Hill High and see all the other boys this town has to offer."

Peyton grunted in response and snarled at the smile still on Brooke's face. "What? If you have something else to add just say it. I'm listening. My feet are killing me, I'm not going anywhere." She leaned down to rub her ankle, silently cursing herself for letting Brooke talk her into this shopping trip. Actually, she should be cursing the boys for there 'guys night' which left her with no boyfriend and no plans other then shopping with the maniac who was currently sitting across from her.

"I was just wondering if, you know..." Brooke said with a shrug of her shoulders, laughing when Peyton raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Spit it out Davis."

"I was wondering if you felt sorry for her. More then the rest of us of course." Brooke rushed out the last part. She lifted her shoulders again just to drop them and her friends pointed look. "You know, cause of your situation."

"You think I feel for this girl because I'm adopted."

"Well, yeah, I mean…maybe. Makes sense."

"I hate her Brooke. How in the world does it make sense?" Peyton crossed her legs and continued to rub her ankle, watching her friend very carefully. What the hell was she getting at? There was no way in hell she would ever feel sorry for Haley James. Never.

"Maybe you're turning your sadness or compassion or something into anger. Someone wanted you, Peyton. You have a family who loves you. You have a stable home and friends. She gets bounced around all the time. I guess a part of me wonders if you look at her and wonder if that could have been you."

Peyton's head shot up at that. She had not expected that hear that. She heard Brooke mumble something but she couldn't hear over the buzzing in her head.

Moving her hands from her foot to her temples she pushed down and willed the headache she knew was coming to go away. Stupid Brooke. Stupid guy's night. Stupid Haley James.

They were not the same. No way in hell could anyone could compare her to that, that...whatever she had people to love her, Haley didn't. And what did they know. MAybe she never got adopted for a reason. Maybe she was just so horrible... Sighing Peyton looked up towards the ceiling. Shit, Brooke was right.

"…listen to me. I'm just being stupid. I don't even know where that came from." Brooke ran a hand threw her hair and looked over to find the blonde completely zoning out on her. She ran a hand in front of her face before offering an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"Sorry? For what?"

"Saying that." Brooke stated throwing her hands in the air. "It was stupid. I shouldn't compare you guys. And I know the real reason you don't like her is because you're protecting your friends so…I apologize. But don't get used to it." She said pointing a finger in her friends face. She sighed in relief when a smile graced the blondes face for the first time since the shopping trip had been mentioned.

"You could be right though. I mean, I do not like her for the Kate thing, but, she could be me."

"Peyton. That's not what…"

"No, it's true. Foster families and group homes. I escaped all that because my birth mother found my parents right away. But Haley….I don't know. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do about her."

Brooke reached across the table and grabbed Peyton's hand, a full smile on her face.

"You, my dear, are certainly not alone in that."

"You alone?"

Nathan spun around towards the voice; in turn losing his balance and he fell from his spot on the bottom stair of his front porch.

"Fuck! Just fuck my life."

"For a basketball player you are very uncoordinated."

"Only around you it seems. You've been ignoring me Hales."

I had to take a deep breath and bit my lip to keep myself in check on hearing him say my name. I mean, it's not like no ones ever used that nickname before but, coming from him…man. Honestly, everything is better when it comes from him.

"You gonna stay on the ground all night?" I said avoiding his statement.

"The view is nice." He looked up at me with that smirk he'd been using a lot and I couldn't stop the chuckle. Nor could I stop my foot from kicking him. "That's not nice, Hales." He stood up and stepped towards me. "Now, like I said, you've been ignoring me."

I looked up at him and into those blue eyes that had been haunting me for days. "I don't want to talk about it." I said, my voice coming out no louder then a whisper.

"And I do." He took another step towards me and then another till we were chest to chest. "I don't like being ignored. I don't like waiting. I grow very impatient very fast."

"I…I…I can't."

"So you said before. But we worked it out didn't we?" He pushed a strain of hair behind my ear then moved to cup my cheek. "Did you come up with anymore excuses you need to tell me before I kiss you?"

My mind was racing. There were a million things I wanted to say, needed to say. But I just couldn't get my mouth to move. I couldn't open it to say them. I couldn't make my brain form them correctly and in ways he could possibly understand.

What was I supposed to say? And how was I supposed to say it when he was looking at me like that? How was I supposed to think when he was looking at me like that? Or touching me like this.

Nathan left one hand on my cheek but used his free hand and wrapped it around my waist pulling me even closer to him. If that was even possible at this point.

"Haley… say it." He said leaning down and whispered into my ear. He pulled back and looked me right in the eye and all I could do was shake my head.

This wasn't right. This couldn't be right. Could it?

I looked back up and blue met brown and took a deep breath.

"Kiss me."

Nathan wasted no time complying and closed the distance between us. I snaked my arms up and around his shoulders and angled my head to the side to give him better access. I couldn't help the slight moan that escaped when I felt his tongue trailing the outside of my lips, begging to be let in. I opened my mouth to give him everything and anything he wanted, just to be pulled out of the spell I was in.

"Haley?"

"Kaitlyn."