A Star Trek Fanfiction
I Wanted Him
Chapter Five:
To Be Away From Me
She snored when she slept, and it was so very cute.
Andros, Andrea, toyed with her blonde tresses as Jen snuggled closer, taking in the color and texture of it before bringing it to her lips.
She could not contain the feelings in her heart for much longer, and she doubt that she would have to. From the time she placed her hat in the ring for a position on the Enterprise to the time she lost herself in the whirlpool that was Jennafer T. Kirk, she knew that this was her moment. What was once only a ploy for her mother's affections and her father's pride became a conquest for a woman's heart; one she intended to win by any means necessary.
Of course she never revealed the truth; that was one thing she could never afford to give away. If it was known what those candles truly contained, she would lose so much. But she had to. Anyone else in her position would have done the same.
The moment her captain stirred, she placed all ill thoughts out of her mind and proceeded to get ready for another day of relaxation. They giggled and joked about the night before and planned to find those guys on the last day of leave; just to end the time with a bang. It was no secret among the crew how hard they partied and also no surprise where they ended up. Uhura gave a knowing smirk, the Doctor only grunted. Only the First Officer of the ship seemed unamused. Before they could get a safe distance away, he addressed them with a steely disposition. Was it possible to fit a bigger stick up there?
"As captain of this vessel I would believe you would conduct yourself in that manner. Have you forgotten you rank ma'am?"
"Jeez Spock, you're starting earlier than usual today. . . and don't call me ma'am."
"You are behaving like an adolescent child."
"Because I'm not being a tight ass like you?"
"Because you're behaving in the manner of a simply acquired prospect."
"Did you just call me a-"
This was going on long enough. In front of the three, the betazoid planted a sweet kiss upon the blonde's lips. Whether it was their first, or one of many, it didn't matter. It was theirs.
Raising her eyes in challenge to the officer, she smirked a bit and turned to leave, her lover on her arm. She could feel the latent bitterness flare behind her and smiled inside with triumph. She had won this battle.
. . .
The Vulcan side of him cringed at his impatience the night before. The way he paced the corridors of the Enterprise for hours, waiting for any sign of his unruly captain. As he needed minimal sleep to function, it was a simple task. When the women came stumbling in, in the throes of laughter and heavily inebriated, it was draped all over each other. The wraps they wore were now uselessly draped over their shoulders.
The moment they returned home he retreated into his quarters, seeking to speak with his father. Of all the people he knew in his life, his father should have been the first one to consult on the matters of the Terran female from a Vulcan's perspective. The matter had begun to take on a life of his own, and he could no longer bear the sight of the women without the strange urge to scold them.
His father watched him questioningly as he spoke, though he revealed nothing through facial features. Spock did not feel comfortable approaching this topic again, but knew that something had to be done to cease this mortifying behavior. Nyota had begun to grace him with the same guarded, questioning gaze, but never broached the subject he was sure visited her mind many times.
Sarek eyed his son with scrutiny, "Terran females are a very illogical part of the human species Spock. Irrational and prone to opposing emotions, they are a hard people to read and understand. Your mother, though disciplined within the community of our people, was no different. Your Captain is no different."
No difference. There was no difference.
". . . what must I do father?"
"Do you love her?"
No pretense. No warning.
"I. . . I don't know Father."
His eyes never wavered, "You have always been a logical child, despite being of mixed heritage. You have always followed the path of the Vulcan, and I wonder if that was wise. . . You have inherited your mother's heart; one that has no structure when it comes to the complex emotion of love. Spock, with your logical mind I implore you to see. You would not ask these questions if you did not think love was there."
And he began to explain the actions he'd witness himself. The moodiness and spiteful silences. The ritual of flirting and nonverbal pleas of attention. The habits and mannerisms in day to day life. The small things that made her Amanda. And as Spock listened he began to make his own comparisons. The way Jen will twirl her hair when she's nervous or chew on it when she was bored when Nyota would sigh or groan in frustration. Or the time she wore these strange, archaic hair clips when conversing with Pike. Uhura rarely let her hair down or indulged in decorative baubles within the work place. Then there was the occasion where she jumped on his back and tweaked his ears after a few rounds with Scotty. It was mortifying and a blatant disregard for regulation. When trying to pull her off, she grabbed his hands and twirled him around with a silly grin on her face.
Like water, feelings skimmed over his fingertips. Giddiness, fearlessness, confidence. . . . And something warm just below the surface, hidden beneath apprehension, guilt, and embarrassment. Warm, glowing, and full of life.
After that encounter, it was as if it never happened. But he could not undo that strange feeling within, those almost-feelings that tested his will and made him question everything he thought he understood.
. . .
After being together for as long as they were, they were yet so far apart.
Nyota embraced the sun against her body and took in the beautiful day. Just as the day before, everything was beautiful and flawless. The people were happy and thriving in their utopia and showing off their beautiful bodies for everyone to see. She couldn't find a single frowning face within the crowd.
So far apart. . .
She loved Spock very much, there was no doubt on her part. Strong, confidence, and cool, he was everything she aspired to be and everything she desired in a man. Her perfect match.
And yet.
She could feel the doubt radiating off of him, even if he wasn't aware of it himself. As time went by he became more withdrawn into his thoughts and spoke less. What was once all fire and passion in the beginning was now more along the lines of escorting her places and keeping her company. Sex was minimal to unimportant, but it didn't bother her as much as she would have liked it to. Maybe if that didn't start the relationship, it would have been better.
Knowing this, she wouldn't be bothered by it at the moment and chose instead to enjoy herself. She would leave the inevitable drama for later.
. . .
Jen couldn't stop grinning throughout the day, feeling such a lightness in her heart after the morning's activities. Swimming, dancing, spa treatments, and complements from the natives saturated her senses and made her forget all the drama and stress of the weeks before.
Isn't that what life was about? Enjoying the now and indulging the senses while they were still sharp? And with the ones that mattered the most?
Andrea was wonderful to be with. She laughed with her, joked with her, and basically just let her be the loud and obnoxious girl of her youth. It was refreshing to release it all and revel in debauchery with a kindred spirit. It wasn't just another fling or a quest for information on a difficult mission.
Sitting by the large pool in the light of the two moons, Jen watched Andrea dip her feet into the pool and stare off into oblivion. Allowing her mane of red hair to roam free, it curled about her paleness like a feisty cloud. Every angle that could be touched was exploited by the moonlight and painted a very beautiful picture.
"I don't want you to be a man."
She chuckled, "That makes you the only one."
"Really? You have a sweet ass as a chick."
"Is that all you want from me? A piece of ass?"
Jen got up from her chair and sat down next to her, making sure to squeeze said cheeks for good measure, "You have a nice pair too."
"Gee, thanks."
Settling down once more, they watched the crewmen as well as the natives mingle and wild out with each other. It was a wonder how the Venusians manage to make everyday a party; whatever the method, it was working. But unlike them, humans didn't have nearly the stamina to keep it up, so maybe it was for the best that they kept those secrets.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Andrea's tawny eyes sharpened into that stare she came to call her "Doctor" look. It was a stare that seemed to hold your soul and turn it about for clues. For some reason, rather than annoy her like it initially did, it made Jen squirm nervously.
"You're the counselor, why don't you tell me?"
"Are you sure?"
Was she sure? The mere thought of anyone peeking into the crevices of her mind, perhaps finding all the things she'd hidden, made her stomach turn. It was no idle thing.
"I. . ."
"My feelings won't be hurt if you refuse it Jenny. You can open yourself to me one bit at a time. In turn, I will share things with you." She held up her hands, "Do you trust me?"
"Well, seeing as you have been outwardly prodding my mind for weeks at a time, I do." taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and bowed her head a little, "You're one strange woman Andrea. Usually it's the body you'd want to screw with. Fetish much?"
She giggled, "Quiet you, I'm trying to concentrate."
Holding her hands a breath away from her head, she began to sink into the superficial fields of her human mind. While the process is commonly associated with the feeling of a feather floating through air, this journey felt more like wading through gelatin. Whether she was aware of it or not, she was resisting. Little by little the pictures trickled into her mind. A vast land of sand. A cacophony of lights and sounds against darkness. Loud music and writhing bodies. A large explosion.
Delving deeper was walking through peanut butter. Flashes of parts of events blended into each other. Sounds became distorted and uneven. Echoes trailed off into nowhere-
"That is enough."
. . .
A ringing in her ears and a headache that wouldn't quit welcomed Jen back into the real world. Her vision was blurry and her hearing was shot, but she could detect the disturbance of talking in the air.
Before the rude awakening, she felt as if she were going at lightning speed through a tunnel. Visions of events passed by, careening out of control into the abyss, too fast to make anything of them. She felt she would have rushed off into oblivion any second until the trance was broken. Despite the fear, it was an intense rush. Something she felt she could easily get addicted to.
. . .
It took everything in his body not to lash out at her, and that alarmed him greatly.
Coming out to find Nyota, Spock passed by the pool on the way to one of many spa sites. The sight of the Captain and Councilor in close proximity caught his eye. To the common bystander, it looked as if they were sharing an emotional moment. However, knowing the gesture of Andrea's hands and how the Captain was so submissively dormant made him aware.
Of all the things he'd born witness to aboard the Enterprise and on shore leave, this was one event he could not abide. To the Vulcans, the mind is a terribly personal part of you. To become so intimately familiar with one's mind is to mate oneself with another; a melding of minds and essence. To think that Jen would openly give this privilege to an infant crewman was an insult.
"You bastard." the Councilor eyed him with fury, "What right have you to intrude upon something so personal?"
"That you would engage in such a ritualistic rite within the vicinity of a public place is an exercise of poor taste and judgment. You have violated the natural order of your abilities by taking advantage of a non-telepathic being."
"Advantage? Give me a break Lieutenant. I never force her, she gave herself willingly to me. That's what's bothering you. It doesn't take a telepath to see how envious you are."
"Regardless-"
"You Vulcans and your self-righteousness. I love her. It may not be conventional or started on the best of terms, I can honestly say I love her. Why are you being so damn selfish?"
Anger threatened to rear it's ugly head, but he managed to shove it down, clinging onto the mask of logical thinking, if only by his teeth.
"The Captain has been emotionally compromised for some time. To take advantage of someone in such a state is pathetic."
"Oh and you didn't seize the opportunity when your planet was going to hell? Someone ready to hold you and comfort you in your time of need without any work or effort on your part. Call me pathetic if it makes you feel any better. Hell, I'll make it easier for you! I wanted her to forget you so that I could have her. There, I'm being honest! But think about this while you're nailing me to the wall. Your bondmate to be loves you; she loved you since day one. And then you use her. You may not have meant to in the beginning, but you did. And now another woman loves you, but you won't let her be with someone that is free to love her back! So do us all a favor Spock and mind your own fucking business!"
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
And there is was.