A Star Trek Fanfiction
I Wanted Him
Chapter Six:
To Take Me
Her mother always told her that she was a being bent on destruction. It was not in the way of the betas to mislead in any respect. For their race was an open and embracing one. However, it took no more than a few minutes to sense that Andrea was not normal.
Her condition was no more an alarm than blonde hair or hazel eyes would be. It was the way she was born. In a way, you could say it was a coincidental compromise. Her mother wanted a daughter while her father wanted a son. In the years that followed, they raised her separately within their own tastes. From dancing to combat, she did it all and enjoyed the time she got to spend exploring the genders. There were so many things she managed to do when unburdened by her girlfriends and so many things she managed to get away with, allowing the other guys to suffer.
It didn't take long for this power play to extend onto brighter horizons. As soon as she was the legal age to apply, she was off to Starfleet.
Of course her mother and father were thrilled at the prospect, feeling that their child was finally establishing some sort of discipline in her life. Proud and shining, the wished her well and kept in constant contact with her throughout her scholastic career. It was in the earlier stages she decided to go by the name Andros; it would be easier to gain access to the channels she desired in order to achieve her own ends.
In all truth, she was curious as to how hard she could push the boundaries of her established self. There were so many avenues to explore and so many people to meet. Her home planet was beginning to feel dangerously claustrophobic and her parents unnervingly clingy. It was getting harder to mask her thoughts without alerting them that she was doing so; as hapless as they were, they were not stupid.
So she breezed through her classes and studied religiously about past events and all involved with them. At the same time she sampled the night life and dabbled in a tryst or two, nothing too lasting. Her findings confirmed her suspicions; bookworm virgins. Pity. In the process of it all she came to find a real challenge, something that would actually call on all of her cunning and ability. Something that came in the neat package of a cocky, risky blonde by the name of Jennafer Tabitha Kirk.
All the stories of her adventures in space and the close encounters she had with resistance forces intrigued her. The gall she had to throw regulation out the window and banter with her crewmen as if they were friends rather than staff was admirable. All in all, she was a real catch; someone with experience in all the right things and not afraid to flaunt it. Then and there, the moment she heard that there was a new position open, she was the first one to jump for it.
Right away she assessed the crew, slyly sampling the waves they gave off. It was easy to see who the real power players of the group were and where they stood with each other. What was more intriguing was the bond between the Doctor, Captain, and First Officer. Obviously they were the paragon of human balance; the Captain being Action, the Officer being Strategy, and the Doctor being Perseverance. It was only by the foolishness of denying this bond that made it nearly deliriously easy. The only thing to overcome was the Captain's infamous determination. Or incredible ability to be completely dense. Whatever you choose.
Years later and she still wasn't able to let sleeping dogs lie. Rather than wait around for the proverbial flame to die, more measures had to be taken. Those candles were not an easy commodity to come by; often it came down to her making them herself. That special suppressing agent was hard enough to hide from the Doctor, let alone the scanners he carried about constantly. The extra candle to speed up the effects made it twice as potent, but was worth the use; she managed to complete her goal.
Until he started butting in.
Everything was going smooth until the Vulcan came into the picture. With his possessiveness and common, suspicions nature, she was on the spotlight. All of her careful planning would be ruined if she didn't do it soon.
She didn't even plan to take it this far, but in between the planning and laughs, she found out just how nice it was to have someone like Jen by her side. There was never a dull moment, and she never felt less than wanted within her presence. In the face of all the deception, secrets, and threats, Jen's smile was genuine and all for her. She trusted her and let her have a small glimpse into her world. If she wasn't careful, Andrea might actually let this woman into her heart.
. . .
On her way to her office she was met with Spock, and it wasn't a pleasant expression on his face. She knew exactly what was on his mind and made no effort to sugarcoat it.
"I'm doing it, and there's not a damn thing you can do to change that."
"The Captain doesn't understand the terms of what you're to engage her in."
"Why do you fucking care?"
"As Captain of the Enterprise-"
"Cut the bullshit and come clean. Omitting the truth is just as much a lie." she scoffed, "Some Vulcan you are."
His eyes hardened, "What you are about to engage in is something that is long-lasting. Something of intimacy two life mates share. Something I'm sure a common physical adventurist would possess any knowledge of."
"Go to hell you bastard." she tried to push past him, but was forced to look into his eyes. They were steely, "What now?"
"I can see you."
And he left it at that.
As he walked away, Andrea could only shake her head in frustration. She knew exactly what he meant, so the games stopped here. Maybe she bit off more that she could chew with the Enterprise, whom has survived things bigger and more volatile than she could dare to be. Maybe she was out of her league entirely and was actively committing social-career suicide.
Either way, there was no turning back now. She was too damn close to turn back now.
. . .
"I'm starting to worry about you Jen. Nothing's adding up around here."
"You're starting to worry about me now Bones? I guess all that bitching from before was friendly concern. Ow!"
"Don't be an infant," he ran the scanner over her body for the sixth time, "I don't understand this."
Jen's face slowly morphed from mild irritation to a sort of dazed, worried expression. Biting her lip, she looked down at her bare feet and started fidgeting.
"What's the matter?"
"Uh. . . I didn't want to tell you like this Bones. . . god it's all so sudden!"
"What the hell are you talking about."
"Well. . ." she started twiddling her thumbs, ". . . I'm late. . ."
"Late? What the-" Bones eyes widened, "Are you fucking pregnant?"
"Hell no! I'm just joking!" Jen broke out into hysterical fits on the examining table, "You should have seen your face Bones! OW!"
"Hilarious. . ." he muttered to himself darkly, "Your scans show that you're brain activity has had a few recent spikes. This wouldn't have anything to do with you and that Betazoid fooling around would it?"
"Honestly Bones, would you really want to know?"
"Eh. . ." he turned back to the scanners, ". . . no sense."
After another hour of prodding, he sent her on her way, making sure to treat her for any foreign diseases as well as a contraceptive hypo. Anything with part of Jen Kirk's DNA was not to happen, not while he was alive.
. . .
Spock couldn't concentrate on anything. Not on casual conversation or the normal goings on of the city. Everything seemed to fade into the background as he contemplated what may or may not transpire and if it was within his right to stop said act. Within the whirlwind of emotions, she reached out to touch his shoulder, bringing him back to solid land. Looking into those knowing eyes, he knew anything less that the truth would be doing a disservice to her.
"Spock, it wouldn't hurt as much as you think it would if you just told yourself the truth."
He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. All of this had to be said before she lost her nerve and hit him. Hell, she might hit him anyway, but she had to be heard.
"All the time we spent together was a wonderful experience I would never trade away. It's no secret how I feel about you and I made no effort to hide it. However, I will not endure this farce any longer. The both of us deserve more than that. I love you Spock, I love you enough to let you go. And I love me enough to let you go."
"Nyota-"
"So I think you should love Jen enough to come clean with everything. Even if it means she found love in Andro- Andrea. I know how much you value your logic, but for once, listen to your human heart and let it be your guide."
Once again he tried to open his mouth, but she would hear none of it, "I don't want any apologies or promises. Just find your girl and make her yours."
"Th-"
"I mean it Spock."
With bag in tow, she walked away, never once looking back. It would be dishonest to say that it didn't effect him, but not as much as he imagined it would. His feelings for Nyota, while genuine, never quite matched up to the intensity he felt for his Captain, the woman whose mannerisms made him want to force his head against a solid object. Whatever force in the world that made him want to crave chaos and disorder in a mate was a powerful force indeed; who was he, Vulcan or Human, to deny it.
. . .
It was their last night on the planet and Jen was intent upon drinking again. What she didn't expect was half her crew catching on to the same idea. How the hell they were supposed to drag their sorry asses off the ground in that state was a mystery not weighing too heavily on her mind at the moment. All smiles and elation, she tipped back another strange drink the color of raspberries with a salty aftertaste.
"Ah!" Scotty shook his head with a sour look on his face, "Let's try something else."
"Wimp." Jen shook away the dizziness that threatened to form, "What about the green one with the little blue flecks floating in it?"
"Do you know what any of this stuff we're consuming is?"
"No. I just drink the stuff."
"When you start vomiting or breaking out in sores, take the hypos and hold back your own damn hair."
Jen watched as Bones stalked by, two lightweights in tow. Poor rookies. . .
"Ah well . . . more for me!" Jen toasted the CE and downed the strange substance, "Damn that's strong!"
It had the texture of mud and the taste of freshly mowed grass.
"Captain-"
"Aw goddamn it." Jen slammed down the glass, "Just as I get a working buzz, you show up. Are you Herpes?"
"Captain, I wish to speak with you on a urgent matter."
"We can talk tomorrow when we all have work to do."
"This matter does not pertain to Starfleet. I would like to discuss another matter. . . preferably in private."
"Listen Spock, there's nothing to discuss. You have made all your matters clear to me and I respect them. I don't want to make a scene- what the hell?"
With little effort, Spock hoisted her up onto his shoulder by her waist and made his way out of the bar. Much to the shouts and catcalls of the locals and crewmen.
"Put me down you pointy-eared bastard!"
"I will release you when the occasion calls."
Struggling was futile, so she stewed in silence as they entered the Enterprise and headed for his quarters. It was then that she remembered Andrea had a call to make to her parents. When she opened her mouth to scream, Spock managed to shove her into his quarters and close the door, cutting off the sound.
"Dammit Spock, what do you-"
. . .
It was intrusive, compulsive, and against his principles, but every lesson and lecture he received failed to register. There was no other way to convey his confusion, his every thought and metal battles, without showing her. So he showed her everything. All the times doubt about his former union ever crossed his mind. Every instance when he may have felt jealousy or rage from her brief relationships. The anger at having been denied her attention or presence for the last few months. He conveyed everything to her without hesitation, taking care not to completely rush her with information. It all had to be said, if not by words, then another method.
Little by little, she began to rifle through those memories and feelings, receiving his mind and melding it with his own. Little by little she let him in a little more and got to know the human behind Spock, at the same time, allowing snatches of her own mind to bypass her watch.
A little girl running away from home time after time again. A screaming match in the front yard. Crying in the rain. Laughing in the face of danger as a young teen speeds away on her bike. A hug from a close friend and lover. Destruction and pain.
The girl behind the woman.
Her thoughts, emotions, the very essence of her being, was intoxicating to him. His mind demanded more, reached out for more, as the sensations came in torrents, saturating their hearts and souls. He could see her defying her mother, he could feel the passion and rebellious nature of her sexual exploits. Breathe in the cockiness of her decisions and the confidence of her mind as it worked out a difficult problem. For the moment they were connected, he could feel her heart beat in unison with his. For a moment, he was Jen.
From the psi points of her face to running his fingers through her perfect, fair hair, he could still feel her; feel their connection with a resounding force.
"Spock. . ."
"I have been deceptive in my motives for a long extended period time. I will not request, but take my proper place as your bondmate."
"Don't I have a say in this?"
"Would you wish to decline were I to concede to your instruction? Your dalliance with Councilor Seran is now terminated. I will not allow it."
At the present moment, caressed by a possessive Vulcan, she could hardly remember the Betazoid's name, let alone the time they spent together. All she could remember was her despondence in having missing this man, and her former melancholy now at an end. Feelings once hidden beneath a cloud were now free to be experienced and expanded. She was whole again.
. . .
"Has anyone seen the Captain?"
Andrea walked toward the bar where Nyota, Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty were hanging out. There were laughs to go around and a genuinely brighter atmosphere than they started with; an auspicious occasion.
"The last time I saw the Captain she was heading off somewhere with Spock. About damn time!" Scotty toasted the others and downed a glass of rosy red liquid, "Ah! Now I get to cozy up to this fine, delicious woman!"
"Scotty stop." Uhura lightly slapped his face, "This shore leave will be one to remember in the very least. After this it's time to get back to work."
"Ah don't remind me. You guys get to drink like fish while I have the ship to pilot."
Chekov grinned and planted a small kiss on his cheek, cheering him up quickly.
\
"Ah well lass, there are plenty of fish in the sea. With your looks, you get the pick of the litter."
"But I-" she bit her tongue, "I have to go."
Quickly she left their company and headed to the ship. All that work and careful planning. . . she hoped it all wasn't in vain. Damn! She never should have left her alone, not after the Vulcan interfered the first time.
Reaching the door, she threw restraint out the window and started banging on with with all of her might. As she expected, their was no answer. Banging on it more just caused some of the skeleton crew to see to the problem. Blushing furiously and more than enraged, she left the scene and returned to her own quarters. This called for more extensive, careful planning.
No. No more planning. Planning took up too much time; she couldn't think through all the dark thoughts that contaminated her mind. No. She would have to do something sooner. Something now.
. . .
He caressed her hands, tracing over every pattern and every crevice, making sure to note the softness and daintiness compared to his own. He wound his fingers about her own, pressed them to his lips; rubbed them against his cheek.
"Captain. . . Jennafer. . . I am. . . my affections for you are of a permanent state. There is no other being that desire to -"
"I love you too Spock."
Crystal met earth as she held his head in her hands. They were warm and peered straight into his soul. The way his mother's seem to warm him, hers set him aflame in ways both chaotic and harmonious.
"Repeat after me. . . I love you."
"I. . . I love you."
"I love you Jen."
"I love you Jen."
"And I'm sorry for being a dumbass."
He raised a brow.
"Say it."
"And I am sorry for. . . being a dumbass."
"Now, let me kiss you. My way."
Author's Note:
This took me three days to write. I'm proud of how it all came out and can't wait to see where the rest of the story takes me. I didn't mean for it to be so dramatic and heavy-handed, but I like to think of it as serendipity at work. This chapter was my baby, so I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it.