A Star Trek Fanfiction

I Wanted Him

Chapter Eight:

To Listen To Me

Jen felt herself wander in and out of consciousness amidst bright lights and whispers. She couldn't move her limbs and her mouth was dry and chapped. Whenever she tried to speak, no sounds would emerge. Whenever she tried to reach out to her mate, there was no response. There was merely light and silence; horrible silence.

Was this what hell was like?

As opposed to anything else, this was a reprieve. She knew what thrived in the darkness. All of the memories and experiences she thought she long buried. All of the dirty little secrets she thought she buried. The past she tried to paint over with more noble colors. . . swarming her mind like a pack of angry bees.

Was this what hell was like?

. . .

Jen, do you know how long you've been here?

No . . .

You've been stuck in limbo for a while now. . . are you ready to come back to us? Come back to me?

To you?

I've never stopped loving you Jennafer. Every moment I've glimpsed your smile or witnessed your camaraderie with the crew, it's been a gift. And I am not accustomed to sharing.

. . . you put me here.

For your own well-being my dear. It is not to hurt you; on the contrary. I wanted to protect you and have you for my own. You see, very rarely has any conquest held my attention for long; there have been many before you. When I finally come into the presence of the Captain of the Enterprise, it was then that I knew I could never lose you.

This makes no sense.

In time it shall. I have come to care for you in many respects. You are my most precious possession, and as I have said; I am not accustomed to sharing. You are the exception; the special one. One could say that I. . . love you. Perhaps that is true. In time I shall come to know.

Andrea. . .

Because of you I have chosen to keep the outer appearance of a woman. After observing you and the way you command your ship, I have come to see femininity for the tool it is. So many more avenues left to explore and examine.

. . . You're sick.

No. . . I was just born differently. Not just in body, but in mentality. One could say that I am the next evolution of Betazoid physiology. Openness can be a gift dear Captain, but one's secrets are treasures best kept to the heart.

Why are you doing this to me?

. . . Because I want you to stop lying to yourself. Embrace yourself and the truths that come with it. Your past will never change, nor will it ever leave you, so stop running. There is no shame but the shame you bestow upon yourself. The only reason you run is because you are afraid of being judged and ridiculed. By your peers, your superiors, and by your lover. Spock wouldn't be so keen to bed a reformed whore, so you pretend to be something else.

Shut up.

I have never judged you. I have never given you any cause to hide or be ashamed.

You're a therapist.

I am also woman, and a man, with desires, feelings, and drives.

You're a fucking monster.

"I've scanned her body for every foreign substance known to science and have still found nothing. Time is not on our side." Bones monitored all scans, "Her cerebral activity is still erratic and her heartbeat's increased."

"Tests have been run on every sample Councilor Seran has dug out and there's nothing that would lead to this type of malady," commented an assistant, "All controlled experiments have come up negative."

"How can we be certain that any and all incriminating evidence hasn't been disposed of?"

"Seran has been forthcoming will all research and clinical references referring to her methods. She hasn't made any moves to abandon ship or the like. In fact, she often comes to visit. . ." the assistant wilted beneath the Vulcan's gaze and hurried off, "I'll go check on the new test results."

"Spock, rather than scare the hell out of my staff with your death glares, go find some other room to haunt. Preferably one ten spaces from mine."

"Dr. McCoy-" Spock paused mid-sentence, seemingly lost in thought, "If you will excuse me."

"Gladly."

He made a beeline for the Captain's room, tricorder in hand, and began to scan. This has been done on numerous occasions, but something told him that there was something here he wasn't seeing. He circled the room, went over it at every angle, and examined every surface. When his sense of sight failed him, he touched and, hell, even smelled intensely at the air. There was a hint of the candles that burned long before, but nothing more. In essence, the same thing that-

Spock!

He was brought to his knees at the strange sensation, and shaken by the voice. The room began to spin at a lazy cycle and drown him within still waters. Nonetheless, he could still hear amidst the cacophony, her calling out to him.

. . . Spock. . .

Jen.

I can't get out of here. . . why didn't you come sooner for me?

Our bond has been compromised. Your body and mind-

She did this to me. Spock, listen! Do not trust her! Find her and make her-

The bond was severed, just like that. The same power that forced him away from Jen before was active now.

. . .

Andrea sat at Jen's side as she lay comatose, running her fingers through her hair and whispering softly to her. She contentedly rummaged through all the darkness and shame the Captain had hidden away from the world, gauging her fears and weak points, running commentary on note-worthy actions when the mood struck her. In some odd, twisted way, it made her feel a bit better to see the dark side of such a bright personality. A comfort to know that lesser souls with lesser sins were not so condemnable.

"I thought I told you to- Spock!"

She could feel anger and hatred radiating off of him with intensity. Before she could turn to address him, an iron hand closed tightly about her throat. Shocked and fearful, she tried to pry him off without success; her screams were caught in her chest and her legs uselessly flailed about. Effortlessly, he yanked her off the ground and slammed her onto a neighboring examination table and proceeded to forcibly meld minds with her. Members of the staff tried to remove him, but there was no competition against Vulcan strength or wrath.

"Release me!"

"Silence!" he barked menacingly, forcing his influence upon her mind without abandon, "And reveal your deception for what it is!"

It was a full-on assault against her senses and she was powerless to shield herself. Barriers fell like broken glass, revealing her world. . .her memories. . .her dreams. . . He rifled through them as if they were mere playthings, tossing every other useless bit aside without a care. It was as if he were raiding her home; overturning tables, ripping down pictures, and tossing over shelves just for the hell of it.

"Stop it!"

"Spock, what the hell are you doing!" Dr. McCoy knew better than to match manpower, but couldn't stay silent, "You could mentally damage her!"

"My concern is with the damage she has done to the Captain!"

He went through her studies at the Academy and her countless manipulations of the professors to gain information. Her dalliances with students and her tamperings with relationships and alliances. Then there were her fantasies of being the best, or dethroning the best. Seeing just how far she could manipulate and deceive.

And then he came across the face of Jennafer T. Kirk.

"Get off of me!" she screeched, clawing at him furiously, "Get away!"

With more force than necessary he ripped down the walls of her guard and exposed the object of his search, confirming that his distrust was well founded. Her screams of agony went unheard.

The candles spiked with a special chemical only sold on the black market. The visions and sensations that Jen felt and how they really disguised a weakening point in her psi energy. The plan to meld with her and create an artificial bond of which Jen could never escape. The experimental, concentrated liquid that telepathically crippled Jen. . .

She could feel the hand still about her throat tightening with anger . . . and then. . . she could feel nothing. The most wonderful feeling of nothingness. . . nothing mattered . . . nothing. . .

"I'll. . . kill her. . ."

It took all of his control, control he supposedly long honed as a boy, to release her. Rage still ran strong in his blood, but he would control himself for now. If it meant that no harm would come to her, his Jen, he would comply.

"What the hell. . . Councilor?"

She coughed, rubbing her throbbing, red neck while clutching her ringing head. The wonderful euphoria was replaced with mind-numbing pain, aching with an intensity that refused to quit. "You've heard me correctly. I have done this, but only as a last resort. The Enterprise proved to be an extensive challenge for me; I am grateful for that. One could say that in this match . . . I have been horribly bested."

"Why?" asked Bones incredulously, "Are you a traitor or spy."

She had to laugh at that, even though it hurt her to do so. "Neither. I am a being all on my own, and merely find sport in what can be manipulated or lead astray. I must say that I have erred in this particular game; I didn't plan on investing so much, and I didn't plan upon being so involved."

"What have you done to her?"

"It is a complex mix of chemicals and herbs, something that stimulated the mind and leaves it open for inquiry. You see, I had to make it receptive to my advances, she would be easier to lead that way. However, I did not count on you to impede my progress. It was then that I had to take more desperate measures to make her mine."

"You bitch." the Doctor looked toward Jen, "You could have done irreversible harm."

"And so if I had? You've caught me. The game is over. I am not too proud to say that I have lost the battle." leaning back on the table, she took in slow breaths to try and calm her aching head. The world was spinning about her and the voices beyond were garbled and distorted, "I really did care for her. In some respects you could have called it love. In the end however. . .the game will always have my heart."

Author's Note:

I'm starting to wonder myself if I really feel sorry for my OC. In some respects she's difficult to write for. Anyway, the story is quickly coming to a close and I'm starting to feel the itch for a new story. Of course, by the time I post this, it will be well past done, as I am on spring break and my home has no internet. Of course, that means completed story for you readers and some down time for me. :)