Author: LadyFromPoland

Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.

Warning: SLASH

English is not my mother language.

I'm sorry you had to wait. However I hope it was worth it. :)

Dearest to his heart

Chapter 13

"Waiting"

Arthur was thinking all night and now he knew what he exactly was supposed to do. His rage grew instead of melting away. There was no point in prolonging it longer. It would end very badly for Miranda and Arthur didn't want to make his people suffer because of a possible war.

He knocked on the door of her chamber chasing away a tempting thought of prying it open. The king heard footsteps and after a while he was standing in front of Kiara.

"My lord," she greeted him bowing low.

"Is your mistress awaken?" he asked harshly. The girl felt that there was something wrong with him. He didn't call the princess by her name as future husband was supposed to.

"Yes, Sire," Kiara answered quickly.

"Then leave us," Arthur said curtly and the girl simply had to obey his will.

When he came inside, the maid left the chamber silently.

"Arthur," Miranda said affectionately walking up to him. "I've heard what happened and I'm so sorry." She was about to hug the man but Arthur stood off just in time. "You don't have to say anything," the princess continued, touching his right arm gently. "I do understand that you couldn't entertain me after it all. Merlin... I always thought that he was a bit weird but I never supposed that he would, one day, do something like that."

Arthur watched disdainfully as her lips moved uttering terrible lies. He could not believe that there where times when he believed in her every word. Morgana was right. He must have been blind.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Miranda said sweetly but Arthur could see loathing in his eyes. "He has magic and he's young. There is still so many things that he's yet to do."

"Stop it!" The king couldn't stand it any more. "Stop pretending that you want Merlin to recover."

"Arthur? What are you talking about?" she asked. Her voice was so innocently frightened that he would believe her if he didn't know the truth.

"I know what you did," he said firmly. "I know that he tried to kill himself because of your efforts. You wanted to break him down and it's something that I'll never forgive you..."

"You don't look well, Arthur," the princess told him as if he just hadn't accused her of doing something very bad. "You should take some sleep before you do something what you'll regret later."

"I told you to STOP it!" the king shouted at her. "Because of you, I almost lost my friend. Because of you, I thought that I would never again see him alive." He started trembling all over his body and it didn't look well. "You've come to Camelot and decided to ruin everything what was dear to me. In the name of what? Of being the queen?"

"I pity you, Arthur Pendragon." Miranda's voice was no longer sweet and innocent. It seemed that she decided to stop pretending. "You have a soft spot for someone who was once your servant boy. Is it what make people kings?" she asked mockingly.

"Get out!" Arthur snarled but the woman didn't seem to care.

"You want to choose some peasant over me? I've got everything what queen should have. I would make a perfect queen and still you prefer to spoil your life for some queer boy who's had a crush on you for a while." Miranda snickered. "You didn't care about his feelings before. You didn't see how desperately he was in love with you and yet you make a fuss about it now. He's your weakness, Arthur Pendragon. You must know what good kings should do with their weaknesses. They ought to treat them like illnesses and eliminate."

"Don't tell about Merlin this way!" the king said angrily. "You think you know everything but it's not true. I was blind and I'm not going to hide it. Now I see how you fooled me and I can't stand the thought that it almost killed Merlin. But I won't let you keep on ruining everything what is good and beautiful. You've already gained too much!"

"Beautiful? What is beautiful about Merlin? He's just a skinny kid who's got a power which shouldn't belong to him," Miranda said bitterly. "He wastes his gift. If there's something beautiful in this world than it's power. If he wanted, he would have everything, including you as his sex toy..."

The king couldn't stand it any longer. Miranda had been insulting him and Merlin too long, thinking that she could do anything without consequences. Arthur seized the handle of his sword and looked at the princess with hatred. "If you value your life you'll leave this castle as soon as possible and you'll never come to my kingdom again." He really meant that. The situation was too serious for jokes.

Miranda glanced at the blade and then looked at Arthur again. "You're making a mistake," she whispered. "You should listen to your common sense, not to your heart."

"Believe me that my common sense and my heart tell me the same thing," he replied.

"Very well... If you prefer Merlin's sinful affection, I won't stop you. Your own people will turn against you if you dare to return his feelings." The princess smirked. "I wonder what you want more... Is it your people's respect or the right to have Merlin openly?"

"You know nothing..." Arthur hissed. "I pity you because you must have never had someone for who you would do everything. And you don't have the foggiest idea what the word sinful means. What you've done to Merlin is a sin, not love."

"Well, well, well... the great king Arthur for the first time used word love talking about his friend and advisor. It's so touching..." Miranda mocked.

"One more word and you won't come back home alive." This time Arthur looked as if he really was able to do it. The princess didn't dare to say anything. "You've got two hours to leave this city," the king said firmly. "I don't want to see you ever again." Then he turned around and left her chamber in silence. There was nothing more to add.

oOoOo

Merlin was lying in a bed in physician's quarters. His eyes had been closed since the evening. His skin was too pale but he breathed slowly and steadily.

Although the danger was over, Arthur couldn't stop feeling fear. The king was sitting on a chair by Merlin's bed. He had come there just after his visit in Miranda's chamber and had spent there a few hours. His time was precious and he knew that he was supposed to attend some meetings but it didn't matter to him now. The truth was that nobody expected him to fulfill his duties as king this day. Everybody already knew that something bad had happened to Merlin and that Arthur wanted to be by his side. It was not a secret that they both were really close.

Nicholas came up to the bed and checked Merlin's fever.

"When is he going to wake up?" Arthur asked him wanting to hear good news.

The physician sighed. "It's not easy to say, Sire." He smiled sadly. "Merlin may wake up in a few hours but it can take him a week too."

"A week?" the king asked in disbelief. "How is it possible? Doesn't he need to eat?"

"He may be in some sort of coma, Sire. Without his magic, he would be dead. The strong poison ran through his veins for a long time. His organism needs time to recover. However you shouldn't be worried, my lord. Merlin will wake up sooner or later. My antidote has made its work and now his blood is cleansed."

"Thank you, Nicholas," Arthur said quietly.

"I'll go to see my other patients, Sire." The physician bowed and left the chamber.

However Arthur didn't sit in silence a long time. Soon after the physician had gone to his patients, Morgana came to accompany the king.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him silently sitting on the edge of Merlin's bed.

"I'm not sure," Arthur admitted.

They remained silent for a while, watching Merlin.

"Miranda has left Camelot," Morgana finally said.

"That's good." Arthur didn't glance at her. He kept on watching Merlin and couldn't stop thinking how much he wanted to touch and stroke his hand.

"I have a feeling that you've got something to do with it," Morgana said candidly. "I doubt that Miranda suddenly felt guilty and decided on her own to leave Camelot."

"And you're right," Arthur answered shortly but it was enough for the sorceress. She didn't want to recall sad events of past weeks and since princess Miranda was gone, they could really try to forget. Arthur had finally discovered the true nature of his friend's feelings. They headed towards new times.

"You said that you're not sure how are you feeling," Morgana started after a while. "Maybe you can tell me what do you feel when you look at him?"

The king smiled timidly. "I'm happy that he's alive," he said softly.

"I know that," Morgana told him. "But I was asking about something different."

Arthur knew that she had meant something else. However he wasn't sure what to say and how to do this. "I'm..." he hesitated. "I know for sure that I don't want to live without him."

"That is much," Morgana admitted. "Probably more than Merlin had ever expected. It shows that you care for him but... it doesn't mean that you return his feelings."

The king couldn't look at her. He'd been expecting such a conversation but it didn't make it easier. "What do you think Morgana? Do I like him this way?"

"It doesn't matter what I think," the sorceress said wisely. "You should follow your feelings."

"You think I do, right?" he asked weakly.

Morgana didn't answer. She was sure that Arthur loved Merlin the same way the warlock loved him. However the king wanted to hear the reassurance. Morgana wasn't going to make things easier for him. Arthur needed to be sure without any help. Only then could he completely appreciate his love.

"Morgana," the man insisted.

"Ask your heart, not me," she advised him.

"Do you really think I didn't try?" Arthur asked her accusingly. "I keep on asking myself but I'm too confused to hear the answer. It all happened too fast... How can I be sure that that's it? He almost died in my arms... I'd never felt something like that but I don't want to hurt him deeper."

"It's very wise," Morgana said quietly. "All you need is time." She looked at Merlin. "You both need it."

oOoOo

It was the third day of Merlin's coma and Arthur started to worry. He still remembered Nicholas' words, the physician repeated them a few times, but it still made the king feel bad. He couldn't focus on anything and was sure that without Morgana's help he would be lost. This woman was almost as big miracle as Merlin. Apart from some royal problems, she helped him in a very human way. Arthur just felt her support. The other person that supported him was Sir Leon. The knight and Morgana cooperated perfectly and the king couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed their closeness before. On the other hand, it wasn't so strange. After all he had been blind for so long.

Arthur thought about Merlin all the time. He just couldn't erase painful memories from his mind. They still seemed so real. His own feelings were the other problem. He realised that Merlin was the most important person in his life. They were like two halves and nothing could change that. However Arthur was afraid of calling it love. He had thought that he loved once and it ended up with a great heartbreak. He had promised himself then that he could never seek love again. The kingdom and his people were supposed to be a priority in his life.

The king, however, had never wanted to remove Merlin from his mind. The dark haired boy had been standing by his sides for many, many years and it seemed to be the most natural thing in the world. Arthur had never thought it could end, nor had he considered their bond dangerous. But now he was not so sure. If he had let himself to love Merlin, he would have to face many obstacles. He didn't want his friend to go through it. The thing that the king didn't want to understand was that he couldn't choose. The love was already in his heart and fear was the only thing which stopped him from admitting that. At least out loud.

oOoOo

Morgana brought flowers and put them in a vase next to Merlin's bed. She knew very well that the warlock admired beauty and scent of blossoms.

The woman walked up to the window to open it. It was stuffy there and she felt that Merlin needed a lot of fresh air. He was supposed to wake up soon after all.

Arthur had the Council that he couldn't quit. The king didn't want to leave Merlin alone so he asked Morgana to stay by his side. The sorceress agreed without any hesitation. She was aware that it was very important to Arthur.

Suddenly Morgana heard a light moan. Her heart quickened when she looked at Merlin intently and saw that he was waking up.

In a few seconds she was sitting by his side holding his hand. "Merlin?" she asked softly.

It took warlock a while to finally open his eyes. When he did, he closed them immediately. Seeing a daylight after spending so much time in a complete darkness was a torture.

"You'll get used to it soon," Morgana assured him.

"Where...? How...?" At first even thinking was difficult to him now.

"You're safe now," the woman told him softly. "You've scared us so much but it doesn't matter now. We'll have time to discuss it later."

Merlin slowly opened his eyes again. It was a bit painful but he forced himself not to close them. He discovered quickly that it wasn't his chamber. However he knew this room. It belonged to the new Court Physician. "How long I... was sleeping?" he asked weakly.

"A week," Morgana answered quietly. "Nicholas told us that you needed time to recover. You've been on the brink of death."

The sorcerer swallowed hard. Painful memories started coming back to him. Now he knew that his behaviour was quite childish and that killing himself wasn't the solution for any problems.

"How are you feeling?" the woman asked him after a while of silence.

"Probably worse than I look," Merlin said quietly.

Morgana couldn't help smiling lightly. The man in front of her was able to joke. It was a very good sign.

"Arthur will come here soon," she told him.

Merlin's reaction was unexpected. He started trembling and shaking his head. "No! Don't!" he begged her.

"What are you talking about?" Morgana wanted to understand her friend's behaviour.

"I don't want to see him... I don't want to hear about him... Don't even mention his name." Merlin's eyes were looking at her pleadingly. He was truly afraid.

"But why?" the woman asked him.

"Just don't..." Merlin whispered turning on his bed and hiding head in a pillow.

Nicholas heard the half of their conversation. He asked Morgana to talk with him in private and she agreed without hesitation.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked the physician.

"He's probably shocked," Nicholas informed her quietly. "As his physician I cannot let the king see him, my lady. Not now." He sighed. "Merlin needs emotional calmness. I hope you understand."

Morgana did. However she wasn't sure about Arthur. The fair haired man wouldn't take such news lightly.

Two chapters are left! What will happen? You need to wait to find out. ;)

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