So here's Chapter 2~! I want to thank those who have read and reviewed. Your reviews and support encouraged me and put a smile on my face. Thank you! :) Of course I need to thank my rock, Eifeltwrfanfic for being an awesome beta and for keeping with me. I love you TS! Lindz, you are a true artist and I thank you for making the beautiful banner for this fic. Love you hard core! (It is on my profile page) http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/u/2181485/JenRoxanne
I have chapter 3 done and it's with my beta. I hope to have it up before the New Year, if not it will be soon after. Let me know what you think 3 R and R!
Lost and Found ~ Chapter Two
When I arrived home from the park an hour later, I immediately jumped in the shower. I stood under the hot, steamy water as it pelted me, I prayed it would help relax me. Ease my tensions. It didn't. I leaned my head against the cold tile of the shower and felt the tears burning my eyes. No, I pleaded with myself. Please, not today.
I could feel the darkness threatening me. I was scared. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, yet I didn't want to move on from Carlisle or what we had. I didn't want to forget. I was angry at myself too. How dare I pine for him when I was the one who left? I made this decision and here I am crying like it happened to me without any way to stop it. I did this. I decided to leave. I put myself in this position. Did I even have a right to mourn the loss I felt? Yet, as twisted as it sounds, I felt as though I deserved to feel every ounce of pain. I relished in it. It was a reminder of what I had. How good it had been and it reminded me how bad I felt when I had to let it go. It had been real.
Since I'd awoken from that dream this morning, Carlisle had been on my mind like never before. It was almost like I could sense his presence. Smell his skin. Hear his voice. Feel his touch. See his gaze. I sighed heavily and let a tear trickle down my cheek. God, I missed him so much. Frustrated with myself, I pushed away from the wall and finished my shower deep in thought of what to do next.
I dressed in a pair of ratty sweats and a sleep shirt, after cleaning up my dirty clothes and wet towels, throwing them in the hamper I made my way to my bedroom. I leaned against the window and looked out at the busy streets thinking more about what I should do. I decided that whatever my next move was, I had to keep with it. If I decided to keep living the way I have been these last three months, alone, then I was going to have to move on and stop moping. I couldn't torture myself.
I knew my feelings for him would always exist, but I wasn't doing myself any favors. I had gotten better, but I had to do more. I pulled the curtains shut so the room was cloaked in darkness. Turning my back to the window I fell in my bed. The yawn that escaped my lips left me breathless. I crawled under my comforter, snuggling into my pillows. I laid there for nearly an hour waiting for sleep to take me but it never came. I tried laying on my stomach, back, sides. I fluffed my pillows. I tried every position I could think of, even laying my head at the foot of my bed and sleep never came. Finally, frustrated with the whole thing, I decided to get up and make some breakfast hoping that a full stomach may help me sleep.
As I sat at my kitchen bar, eating cereal, I debated on calling my dad. I hadn't spoken to him in a week and I knew he worried about me. The last few times I called, he'd ask how I was doing, which was to be expected. What peaked my interest was his tone. It changed the last few times. He didn't seem as worried. I could tell he wanted to come out and ask me what was going on. Why I ran. Was he fishing for information? Maybe he wanted me to confide in him? I wanted to… so much, yet I kept my mouth shut and said everything was fine and would quickly change the subject to work, my photography and at times I even mentioned Tyler, he had a way of always brightening my mood. I appreciated my dad's concern, but I knew he was uncomfortable and out of his element.
I gave my dad credit though. While I was growing up we had never been close, but he tried as much as he could. He was a loaner and kept to himself. Guess it runs in the family.
Every once in a while Charlie would ask if I called my mom, which caused me to mumble some generic answer, then he'd ask if I heard from anyone else. I knew who he meant. Carlisle. He did well not to mention Carlisle to me by name, he would beat around the bush, but every now and then he'd slip up and mention HIM this and HIM that.
At first my dad had been more direct, he'd come right out with it, saying I was being asked about, how I was doing, if I had called any friends or family with my whereabouts. When I finally told him I'd give Jake and Emily a call, the phone line quieted and I knew who he was asking for, I made my dad promise to never tell Carlisle where I had moved and he begrudgingly agreed, but made it known that he didn't like the idea either.
My dad had always liked Carlisle in his own way, he'd never shown it or even came right out and said it at first but I knew. He would pepper Carlisle with questions about the house we bought together, if it had been inspected, if the roof was sturdy and how new it was. He drilled him on his job, family, if he had been married before or had any kids.
Charlie spoke of sports and fishing. To any outsider, it might not sound like a lot, but to me, my dad asking about the practical things, making sure I was taken care of or even holding a conversation for that length of time spoke volumes.
On the day of Carlisle and my engagement party Charlie made a point of telling me that he was happy to see how much I had blossomed since meeting Carlisle. Since I'd fallen in love. I was finally living my life for me, not for everyone else. Charlie wanted me to be happy. He told me that he didn't have to worry about me anymore because he knew Carlisle would take care of me. He was proud to call Carlisle his son.
Was Carlisle still asking about me?
I have to admit I'm curious to know if Carlisle and my dad still spoke or if Carlisle still wondered about me. Was he having as hard of a time with it too? How was he doing? How was his family? How was Ciaus? God, I could be so selfish! It wasn't my place to ask those questions anymore.
I hopped off the bar stool in a huff, accidentally knocking my now empty cereal bowl to the floor and shattering it. Great! By the looks of the events of my day so far, I could see how the rest of today was going to turn out. I opened the door to the large pantry to grab the broom and dustpan when THE BOX nestled near the back grabbed my attention. Should I?
I got down on my hands and knees, crawling a couple feet inside the pantry to the shoe box and pulled it out of the dark corner towards me. I blew on it, sending a cloud of dust all around me. I waved my hand in front of my face, thinking it would clear it away, but instead it sent me into a fit of sneezes. I crawled back out of the pantry and onto the cool kitchen floor, bringing the box with me.
I stared at it like it was a huge spider dying to jump at me, I'm afraid of spiders, at least big, furry ones. I was torn between taking this box outside to the trash can or taking it to my bedroom and laying all the contents out in front of me. So, yeah, I stood up, grabbed the box and headed to my bedroom.
Once I had emptied the box, my eyes scanned over everything laid out in front of me. Dried lilies from our first date, love notes he would leave on my pillow when he left for work at 4 o' clock in the morning. There were various seashells from the beach, a baseball cap he used to wear when he'd play on his work's baseball team. I had never been a huge fan, although my dad was, but I quickly grew to love the game, just seeing the way that uniform hugged Carlisle's body and the stance he'd make when he was about to hit the ball, oh God, even the way he slide into home always had my panties soaked while I sat watching in the stands.
It never failed, as soon as we were in his car driving home from a game, I was all over him. My hands would be palming his erection through his pants, my mouth kissing and sucking along his neck. He always insisted that I came to watch him play or practice and now I knew why, I tried to hold back, but it was no use… I was a goner. I ignored his smug smile as I molested him on the drive home, as soon as he'd pull into the garage and parked, I was in his lap and he had the driver seat reclined.
A small smile curved my lips as I ran my fingers along the bill of his baseball cap. A sad sigh escaped when I set the cap to the side and continued to look through more items. I found an envelope next full of black and white pictures I had taken while Carlisle and Ciaus had played catch on the beach. Another one of him and Ciaus soaking wet in our backyard with the garden hose in their mouths. I ran my finger tip along the picture remembering that day. I flipped through more pictures until I got to a few I had taken at one of the many baseball games. He was bent at the knees, leaning forward while he guarded second base. In another he was at home plate with a bat in mid-swing, most likely hitting another homerun. I also found a few of the whole team.
I then found a couple pictures of us together. In one, our smiling faces were cheek to cheek staring at the camera I had in my outstretched hand, in another I was looking at the camera shyly, blushing as his hand cupped my face, his lips were pressed against my cheek close to my ear. My heart warmed when I remembered taking this picture, just as I had clicked to take the photo, he had whispered in my ear how he wanted me to wear his baseball cap… and nothing else. My hand went to my cheek as I felt it warm under my touch. I continued looking through the mementos that normally would've had me retrieve back into my former, wallowing self, but today it made me happy, satisfied, and even content.
I set the pictures onto my bed and turned my attention back to the box, but I found myself constantly looking back at the pictures from the corner of my eye. I continued to look through the box, finding the Uncle Kracker CD he'd bought me because Smile was on there. It was our song.
I found our engagement party invitation that I'd originally kept to put into a scrapbook, but I never did it. Menus from almost every restaurant we ate at. That was an inside joke between us, 'our thing', we stole menus.
I spent another hour looking through the box, remembering how I fell in love with Carlisle. As odd as it may sound, that feeling I had back then came crashing over me, but stronger than ever. The warmth, anxiety, and excitement, the sweaty palms, the blush, the fever. It was like I was falling in love with him all over again. I couldn't explain it, yet I felt like a fool for feeling this way from only looking at photos, dried flowers and knick knacks.
When I felt around the bottom of the box, it was empty except for one last piece of paper. It was the paper he had given me on the beach with his cell phone number on it. I stared at the numbers. I touched the paper delicately as though it would crumble in my hands if I wasn't careful.
I bit my lip, contemplating my next move. Should I call him? Why was I even thinking about calling him? I looked between my bedside table where my cell phone sat and the piece of paper in my hand. For what felt like hours, which were actually only a few minutes, I sat looking between his number and my cell phone. I don't know what came over me, but I suddenly lunged off the bed and grabbed my phone. I stood up quickly and stood in the middle of my bedroom. Do I? Don't I? Now that the thought had entered my mind, it wouldn't leave.
"God, what am I doing?" I muttered as I changed my settings so my number would be blocked on his caller ID. It was decided, my trembling fingers pressed the numbers into the keypad and I brought the phone to my ear. I was being pulled into this crazy vortex of emotions. Would he be happy to hear from me? Angry? Had he moved on? Would he remember me? Stupid! Of course he would remember me but would he even...
"Hello?"
I couldn't breathe. My mouth moved but no sound came out. His warm, velvet voice sounded soothing in my ear. How I had missed his voice. I brought my hand to my mouth as I held back a sob.
"Hello? Is anyone there?"
What was I doing? I was the one who left. I couldn't expect him to be happy to hear from me because I decided it was ok now, and as much as I hated to do it, I hung up. I threw the phone on my bed, staring at it. I grabbed at my hair, pulling at it in frustration.
"Fuck!" I screamed.
I pulled my hands out of my hair and looked at the crumpled paper I was clutching. I ran to my bed, grabbed the box and begun throwing everything back inside. I wanted to forget what I had just done. He didn't know it was me; he couldn't have, could he? I dismissed that thought. He hopefully thought it was a wrong number. Once I put the lid on the box, I set it on the floor between my bed and bedside table.
I went to the kitchen, trying to busy myself by cleaning up the broken cereal bowl I had nearly forgotten about in all the excitement and reminiscing. Just as I finished, I looked at the clock and saw it was nearly noon. I strolled into the living room, throwing myself on the couch before I pulled a light blanket over me and burrowed myself into the cushions and pillows. I had to distance myself from the box full of mementos and my cell phone. I had to catch my breath and decide I could try again. I want to. I want to speak with him and make things right, no matter how it turned out. Even if he never wanted to speak to me again, I had to apologize, but for now I needed to clear my head. Before I knew it, my eyes closed and I fell into a deep sleep, betraying myself with thoughts of Carlisle.
I awoke with a sense of hopeful promise lingered in the air around me. I rubbed my face to push away the sleep when it hit me. It's five o'clock and I'd said I'd be to work by six! I jumped off the couch, throwing the blanket down and ran to my bedroom to get ready for work.
I set my hair in hot rollers, brushed my teeth and applied my makeup. When I was happy with my efforts, I let my hair fall down in soft curls around my shoulders, where I sprayed and styled it until I was satisfied.
The uniforms for Breaking Dawn left little to the imagination to say the least, I'm what you called a shy girl, but I wasn't ashamed of my body. The skimpy outfit did make me feel sexy, but it also brought unwanted attention my way. I pulled on spanks instead of my panties; there was no way I was going to show my ass to the drunk men and women while wearing this semi-mini skirt.
I pulled on sheer black thigh-highs and the pleated black skirt that ended five inches above my knees.
At least the black, off the shoulder top with 3/4 length sleeves covered me up just a bit more. I was pretty sure my tits weren't going to fall out. I studied myself in the body length mirror and decided I was happy with my appearance. I slipped on the two inch heels, grabbed my cell phone and made my way to the kitchen to find my purse.
I hadn't eaten or had much to drink all day except for my morning coffee and the cereal I had before my nap, so I grabbed a granola bar and a banana to eat on the go.
I double checked my condo to make sure it was locked up, grabbed my purse, keys and cell phone. In the rush of getting ready quickly, I hadn't thought much of the phone call I had made earlier that day. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at my phone. It suddenly felt like it was a brick in my hand. It mocked me. Taunted me.
Should I try again? What if he answered? I would have to keep it short so I could get to work, but what if he was happy to hear from me? I could be a little late. This was more important than a waitressing job. This was my life! He was my life!
As terrified as I was, I couldn't help the nudge I felt to try again. I dialed the most recent number in my call log and felt my heart stop as the line rang in my ear. Gooseflesh covered my arms as my nerves overtook every part of me. Just as I thought it would go to voicemail and I pondered what to leave as a message, a woman answered, sending me into a tailspin. Fuck. My. Life.
"Hello?" She sounded beautiful. I couldn't find the courage to speak a word. My breath hitched as I stood in shock. He had moved on. "I hear you breathing. Anyone there?" she asked.
"Uh...y-yes," I stuttered, suddenly determined to find out any information I could. Who was she? "Is, uh, I mean, is Carlisle there?" I couldn't hide my anxiety. God, why did I do this? He loved her. He moved on. Serves me right if he did. I deserved the heartbreak if he was over me. Over us.
"Oh sweetie, he's in the shower," she paused, "I noticed your number is blocked. I could give him your name and number, he'll call you right back."
"Oh, um," I hesitated, "I can call back. It's no trouble, really. It's not that important." Obviously, I thought to myself.
"Don't be silly!" She laughed. Was she patronizing me? "I'd be happy to relay the message as soon as he hops out."
I debated for less than a minute. Could I trust her? If she was his girlfriend, she would more than likely NOT relay the message. I would have second thoughts if I was aware of his past or a strange woman was calling my boyfriend's phone. Should I take the chance?
"Yeah, um..."
"Hey babe, who are you talking to?" a muffled male voice in the background called out.
I felt my heart drop. Was that Carlisle? I strained, putting my index finger in my free ear to try and hear the muffled conversation. Damn it! I couldn't make anything out, but it had to be Carlisle. Who else could it be when SHE answered HIS phone? I heard a shuffle over the phone line, assuming she covered the mouth piece to speak with him. As hard as I tried, I couldn't understand their conversation.
"Alright sweetie, I've got a pen and paper. What's your name and number and I'll pass it on."
I stood confused. If he was there, why not give him the phone? She wasn't going to tell him. Why would she? Maybe he didn't want to talk to me! After hanging up on him earlier… could he have been suspicious that it was me? I sighed heavily and dropped my forehead against the wall. Before I could open my mouth to answer I heard giggles from the woman and… was that smacking? Kissing? Then the man's voice whispered to her but in my state of shock I wasn't paying attention to the voice or what it was saying. Then she moaned! Oh God! Were they making out? All the contents of my stomach, which wasn't much to begin with, threatened to come up all at once. I heard her hit him and whisper something unintelligible. "Sweetie, you there?" she purred.
I snapped back to reality. "Uh-yeah I am, but um… don't worry about it. It's not important." I pulled the phone away from my ear and ended the call. I then threw the phone onto the kitchen counter, not giving a flying fuck if it broke or not. I never wanted to look at that damn phone again.
My mind was full of mixed emotions. I wanted to crumble and die. I wanted to punch the wall until I broke my hand. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate him. In all reality, it was myself I hated. I did this to myself. I ran like a coward. Did I really think that three months later he would be pining for me? Waiting by the phone for me to come to my senses and call? Of course not. He'd moved on. I was angry. Livid. I couldn't blame him for giving up. I did. I gave up on him. On us. How was that forgivable? I grabbed my purse and jacket, slamming everything I touched as I went.
When I had arrived at work, on foot, no less, everyone greeted me with smiles that quickly faded when they realized my sour mood. I hid myself in the bathroom across from the break room for at least ten minutes to get myself together. I couldn't act like this all night. If he wanted to move on FINE! I could too. I leaned over the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror and laughed. Keeptelling yourself that Bella, I thought. I closed my eyes and took some cleansing breaths. I sighed heavily, one last time, and grabbed my stuff. I headed to the break room to stow my things in my locker and put on my name tag.
The night began slow as I headed to the second and third floors to double check the tables, making sure the menus, place settings, the black, grey and white mosaic candle centerpieces were all in place. I wiped all the tables clean and swept the floor, even though it'd all been done the night before, I was desperate to find anything to keep myself busy.
People began to filter in, filling the restaurant with customers; luckily they served as another distraction. When I had to go to the bar for drink orders, I kept the conversations with Jasper and Edward light. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend and I spoke in polite context mostly, being Alice and I got along pretty well, but Edward was a different story. I really did like him. He was always so sweet. He knew I was having a hard time with something the last couple of months and I could tell he wanted to ask me about it but he never did.
At times I caught him staring at the engagement ring on my finger, yet he'd never asked me anything about it and for that I was grateful. He knew I never spoke of a fiancé and that I never brought anyone in. I was glad to have someone who knew when I needed to be left alone or make a joke if I needed a laugh. Edward always knew what to do to lighten the atmosphere; he'd either tell me silly jokes or whip out his phone and play me funny videos on YouTube. We also both watched Supernatural so the morning after each episode he'd ask me my theories on the plotline.
He was single and very good looking. The tight black khaki pants and black v-neck t-shirts Breaking Dawn made the bartenders wear complimented his body well. Yes, I'd noticed. Who couldn't with his deep green eyes, and chiseled jaw line, he always sported a light dusting of scruff across his face and his hair… well that was the masterpiece. I watched this man brush his hair before work and on his rare breaks, but you would never know it by looking at him later. His hair stood on end and in every other direction. The other waitresses, hostesses and yes even some of our regular customers - called it sex hair. Suffice it to say, he was very popular with the ladies. I always told him he brought it on himself by running his hands through his hair all the time. He claims it's a nervous twitch.
Alice had hinted to setting Edward and I up on dates and she'd invited us to go out with her and Jasper, but I could never find it in my heart to go.
Honestly, I didn't have those kinds of feelings for Edward. I adored him-as much as I let myself adore anyone. I thought he was a genuinely wonderful guy. He was like a cool younger brother or just a good friend who happened to be a guy. I couldn't say best friend, but maybe as close of one I had here.
I felt Edward's eyes on me. I glanced in his direction, smiling in a tight line.
"Hey, Bella." Edward grabbed a beer mug, filling it from the tap.
"Hey, Edward." I looked down at my tray, playing with the corners on my order pad. I could still feel his eyes on me. Jasper came to the bar from the back with a box, setting it on the bar.
"Well hello there, beautiful Bella!" My eyes shot up at Jasper in shock. He had never called me that before! Why now? Why that term of endearment today of all days? I glanced at Edward, who as always, sensed my fright and saved the day.
"Jazz, why the lovey dovey nickname, huh? You get lucky last night? You're awfully chipper," he teased.
Jasper chuckled and began unpacking bottles of Grey Goose, Bacardi and Southern Comfort.
"I don't kiss and tell, Bro."
Edward blew raspberries. "Liar." I chuckled as Edward winked at me before he handed me the beer, turning to pour some shots for my customers upstairs.
"Hey…" Edward looked up at me, cocking my eyebrow in question. "Pour me one."
What little smile he had slowly disappeared as I saw a look of concern wash over his face. "You don't drink, Bella. I haven't seen you drink a single drop since you've been here." I gulped as my eyes looked away from his, to watch Jasper work.
"Give me a shot," I said, ignoring his last comment.
"No."
My eyes snapped in his direction, narrowing. He stood there, determined, his arms leaning on the bar at his sides. He never took his eyes from mine; he was daring me. I glared at him now, anger filling my body.
"You sneak shots all the time. You think I don't see you? Now give me a damn shot, EDWARD." I emphasized his name to prove my point. I don't know what game he thought he was playing, but he wasn't going to win. I was determined to hold my ground.
I watched him without blinking as he leaned slightly over the bar in my direction. His green eyes darkened with anger or maybe it was irritation. "I. Said. No."
I was so angry already and he was only adding to it. I could spit nails and in this moment every single one would be aimed at Edward's pretty face. Yep, give me a black marker; I wasn't above drawing myself a target.
"What's your problem, Edward?" I screeched, a little louder than I meant to, pulling Alice and Mike's attention in our direction from their current position on the stage and Jasper almost dropped the bottle in his hand as he whirled toward us. I busied myself by grabbing some coasters and napkins, throwing them on my tray.
Edward leaned more in my direction until he was only a few inches from my face. "The question is Bella, what's wrong with you? This isn't like you."
I scoffed. "You don't know me." I grabbed the shots from the bar, put them on my tray and began to walk away, but Edward was faster. He grabbed my forearm and held it down on the bar.
"Actually, I know you better than you think. You're very easy to read." He moved his head lower to look up at me. "You don't make it easy though. I give you that much."
I wanted to lash out at him, but when I made eye contact, I couldn't, all I saw was concern.
"Right now, Bella, you don't need a drink, It won't solve anything."
I fought the tears that burned my eyes and threatened to fall. He was right. Damn it, he was right, but I sure as hell wasn't giving him the satisfaction of knowing it. I looked away before he could see the weakness in my face. He let my arm go and I pulled away in defeat. Jasper looked between the two of us, unsure and maybe a little frightened of what to bring to the conversation. I picked up my tray and walked away, not saying a word to either of them.
Thankfully the rest of the evening went fairly quickly. The restaurant was extremely busy, almost to the point where I barely had a chance to sit down and take a breather and my body was beginning to feel it from wearing these heels. Alice and Ro kept giving me worried glances, but I ignored them and pretended nothing was wrong. Alice finally got the nerve to ask what happened between Edward and me, but I was able to dodge the question by asking if she got laid. That quieted her down with a blush burning her face, for a moment. She then started regaling me with more details then I ever cared to know concerning Jasper's anatomy. Wow, I seriously needed that shot.
Around midnight, the restaurant levels of Breaking Dawn closed, so we girls began doing our routine of cleaning the tables, changing the tablecloths, and putting in new candles in the centerpieces. We disinfected the stools, chairs and benches. Swept the hardwood floors, and vacuumed the area rugs that sat under each dining table.
The band still had an hour before they packed up and we closed. Between the live music and the drinks flowing from the bar, the first floor was hopping. We hurriedly got the cloth napkins and rolled up the silverware settings for the next night, before we went downstairs and were serving drinks and listening to the band play.
Usually we kept the boys company at the bar, but I wasn't in the mood to be around Edward or his self righteous behavior. No I wasn't planning on apologizing either. I busied myself in the back, cleaning and reorganizing the storage closet. At one point, Edward came in to grab some margarita mix.
"Bella." I turned my back to him.
I knew I was acting like a spoiled brat, but at that moment I didn't care. The only other person who had ever spoken to me like that was Carlisle and I was doing everything in my power to not dwell on that situation, hence, needing a shot. I wanted to get this shift over with, grab a bottle of vodka and hide in my bed. I wasn't a huge drinker, but tonight I just wanted to forget.
Edward cleared his throat. "Believe it or not, I'm your friend. I just want to help you. Let me help." With that he turned and walked out, leaving me alone.
The next hour went by with no fanfare, the band was on their way out as us girls did our cleaning routine on the first floor. Mike locked himself in his office after he received the cash drawers from Edward and Jasper, getting the night deposit drop ready to go. Emmett had just locked the front and back doors after the band walked out. He made his way to Ro, making her giggles carry throughout the room. We all knew what they were doing without looking.
"Hey! Who wants to hang for a bit? It's not even one thirty, let's have some drinks. Shoot the shit," Emmett suggested. Alice and Jasper were in agreement as was Ro.
Of course, Edward had to be the stick in the mud. "I am exhausted. I'll walk Bella out and head home."
What. The. Fuck? When did I become his charity case or worse yet, a child he felt he needed to babysit? Not only was I trying to not wallow in myself pity over Carlisle, bang up job by the way Bella, but Edward was pissing me off. I walked over to the bar, threw my towel at Edward, hitting him in the chest as I spoke to Emmett.
"Let's do it, Em, I'm all for it," I stated with conviction while, looking straight at Edward.
"Bella can't drink tonight, Em," Edward called out.
Emmett strolled to the bar to stand next to me. "You sick, pip squeak?" Emmett placed his arm around my shoulders.
"Nope. I feel just fine," I said sarcastically in Edward's direction.
A huge smile plastered across Emmett's face, and he clapped his hands together. "Let's get our drink on then, motherfuckers!" he ordered Edward to start pouring shots as we all got a stool and sat at the bar.
Edward handed everyone a shot except me. Jasper came behind Edward and handed me mine.
"Thanks Jasper." I tilted my drink back and swallowed the harsh liquor down. When I slammed the shot glass down, Emmett was beaming while Edward was brooding. I motioned to Jasper to pour me another.
"So, let's play a game," Emmett suggested.
Alice bounced in her stool, squealing and clapping. "Alright, it's my version of twenty questions; if you don't answer you have to take a shot."
We all mumbled in agreement, Edward less enthusiastically than the rest of us. The questions flowed from everyone, them more than me; I didn't know what to ask. They had these inside jokes, secrets and old embarrassing stories, the worse the question, the better. The name of the game was get everyone as drunk as possible.
Emmett turned to me. "So, pipsqueak, where did you live before moving to Chicago?"
I chuckled. I could choose not to answer, but I didn't want to be so predictable. What was the harm in telling them a little bit about myself. "Washington."
"What brings you here? Why move?" Jasper asked.
I made eye contact with Edward for the first time since we sat down. I grabbed the bottle, pouring myself a shot and drank it down. I closed my eyes and hissed. When I opened my eyes and looked around, everyone's attention was on me.
"Fine! I had nothing left in Washington. I needed a change." Ro shifted in her stool, looking uncomfortable. Alice grabbed my hand in support, but I shook it off.
"Have any brothers or sisters?" Edward asked with a smirky grin.
I looked up at him with a sudden need to hug him and cry, all at the same time. Even if we weren't on the best of terms at the moment, it seemed he was still looking out for me. I couldn't help the little giggle that escaped my mouth.
"No, I'm an only child." Edward flashed his crooked grin as I noticed he asked a question that didn't result in my chugging down a shot. Sneaky bastard.
As the next few minutes passed, my mind wandered to Carlisle, it was a little after two in the morning. What was he doing? Was he awake? Asleep? Oh God, the thought of him in bed, but not sleeping crossed my mind as I played the earlier phone conversation in my mind. That woman's giggle played over and over. I reached over the bar and grabbed the bottle, but Emmett stopped me.
"Nope, pipsqueak." Emmett pointed at me as though he was scolding me. He rubbed his chin, deep in thought then he looked at my left hand. "I know! What's with the ring?" Edward froze in place, only his eyes moving to watch my reaction.
Not surprising anyone, I grabbed the bottle, poured another shot and drank. I had lost track of how many I had, but I was feeling relaxed. If I moved too fast though, objects that weren't meant to move would begin dancing. I kept my arms rested on the bar for support.
Alice grabbed my hand once again, I looked at her from the corner of my eye and almost broke down, she looked so sad for me.
"What was his name?" Emmett blurted. "Ouch woman!" Ro smacked the back of his head so hard I heard it snap across the room in an echo.
I brought the bottle back to my lips and took a long swig, not caring how much it burned my throat as it went down. Edward reached across to grab the bottle out of my hand, but I leaned away from him, broke free from Alice and stumbled away.
I didn't know where I was going, but the relaxed feeling was slipping away and was being replaced with desperation and loss. I drank from the bottle again and quickly hugged it to my chest when I saw Alice hop off her stool and come toward me.
"Honey, give me the bottle, let's get you home." She reached for me.
I stepped back, losing my footing and fell on my ass. I brought the bottle back to my lips and drank as much as I could before Edward's hands tried to gently grab it from me. I held onto it with a death grip, making Edward become more forceful, spilling it down the front of my top.
That broke me.
Everyone's eyes were on me. Staring. I could feel their pity. The tears I'd been able to hold back since the last phone call to Carlisle, finally broke through. My stomach churned with a queasy feeling. I tried not to move, but my sobs shook my body. I cradled my pounding head in my hands. Alice sat down next to me, putting her arms around me.
"Shhh, Bella, it's ok. We're going to take you home and take care of you." She wiped the tears from my cheeks.
I sniffed, wiping my nose across the sleeve of my arm. "I won't ever be home. I fucked everything up." I felt my face flush with the heat from the alcohol. I'd never been able to hold my liquor, it affected me almost immediately. Carlisle had always teased me about taking advantage of me when I was tipsy. I chuckled between my sobs. "He used to take care of me, you know?" I looked at Alice, between my tears, trying to catch my breath, but it just turned into hiccups.
"Who, honey?"
"Ca-Carlisle," I cried. I pulled my hand up in front of my face to look at my ring. The memories of his proposal came back. His smell. The way he looked at me. His touch. His lips. I kissed my ring through my hiccups. "H-he loved me, y-you know? And I fu-fucked it up. Why did I-I leave?" I screeched incoherently.
Alice made a motion and I was suddenly scooped up off the floor and cradled in someone's warm arms. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders, setting my left hand on his chest.
Carlisle and I always said we would look out for each other. We had each other and no one would destroy that. If I believed in nothing at all- I believed in him. I had faith in him. He was my strength. How could I leave and desert him? He had always been there for me, yet the first sign of abandonment from others and I abandoned the one person who'd never left my side.
I tucked my head under Edward's chin and stared at my ring until my eyes grew heavy with sleep. "I want to go home."