Hi! Sorry for the wait but I unfortunately lost the notebook I kept this story in. It was pocket sized so I could take it to work and I guess it must have fallen out so I had to rewrite this whole thing. Anyway I am pleased to have finished this chapter. Hope you enjoy.
"Sire, you will be pleased to hear that negotiations went well. We should be receiving shipments within a month." Arthur stood before his father dressed in full armor having just returned from his journey. The king gave a genial smile, the one he always wore when conducting business. It wasn't fake by any means but it didn't reflect the joy Arthur believed a smile should have.
"Excellent. You do your country proud, my son" Uther beamed. "I knew sending you was the right decision. We shall have a feast to celebrate." Arthur bowed but made no motion to leave. "Was there something else you wished to discuss?"
Arthur's face remained neutral as he addressed the king, "One more thing, if I may?" His father motioned for Arthur to continue. "My manservant, Merlin, was lost at sea whilst protecting my life." At those words Morgana, who had been idly twirling a stray hair, bolted upright in her chair, her face a mirror of shock and dismay. Beside her Gwen audibly gasped at the news. Arthur kept his gaze forward, using his face to express what his words could not.
King Uther stood and slowly made his way toward the prince. "I know how loyal he was to you, my son." He said placing a surprisingly gentle hand on Arthur's shoulder. "There are matters that must be seen too at present but I promise that in three days time we will have a service to honor his passing." The young prince stiffened as though hearing his father's words made recent events all the more real to him.
"Thank you father," was all he could manage and he was grateful at being dismissed.
Once he was in the hall Morgana caught hold of him, pulling on his arm so that he would turn and face her. She was prepared to launch a million and one questions at him but upon seeing the way his shoulders fell, noting the way his gaze would not meet hers, all words ceased in her throat. "So it is true then," was all she could think to say.
With a flash of anger burning through his eyes Arthur pierced her with a hard look, "Of course it is true! Do you think I would make up such a tale?"
Morgana averted her gazed to the floor, ashamed at the foolishness of her question. "Of course not" she stuttered out, "I'm sorry."
The young prince sighed. It was not her fault things turned out the way they did and Arthur was certain this would be just as hard for her. She was quite fond of Merlin. Heck, most of the kingdom was fond of Merlin. "No Morgana, I apologize. I just…" he had no idea how to express what he felt and thankfully he didn't have to.
"I understand," she said, her tone soothing if not somewhat lost. "Someone… someone should tell Gaius." Gaius. The prince hadn't even thought of Gaius. Merlin was like a son to the old physician. He would certainly take the news the hardest and honestly Arthur had no idea if he could handle that.
"Pardon me, sire," came a small, now familiar voice at his side. Looking down, Arthur was once again faced with the blond head of Gregory. "My family has been friends with the court physician for many years. I would certainly take on the responsibility of informing him of what has befallen his ward." Arthur stared at the young face in pure amazement. Gregory could have been no more than twelve and yet here he was offering to do what the great prince of Camelot could not.
It was this thought that brought Arthur back to the present. He was currently sitting at the table in his room, nursing a goblet of wine. He cursed himself for being so weak. It should have been him to deliver the news not some young boy. He was disgusted by his lack of ability but to see the despair he felt mirrored in another man's face would have been too much to bear.
A sudden knock at the door brought him out of his self loathing. "If that's another servant come to feed me, or dress me, or draw me a bath you had better pray I do not have my sword in my hand when you enter."
The door slowly creaked open to reveal an unusually timid Morgana. "You shouldn't threaten your servants," she murmured "soon you won't have any left." The weak smile she had managed fell immediately as she realized what she had said. "I'm sorry, that was in poor taste."
Arthur glared at her for a moment before waving off the comment. It was so odd to see her without her usual bravado and Arthur knew his earlier assessment of how she would be affected was correct. "Don't worry about it, Morgana," he said finally.
The king's ward slowly made her way towards the center of the room, her movements tentative and careful. "The gardens at the western gate are beautiful this time of year."
"Yeah" came Arthur's grunt. He was gazing at the floor, looking as though the mere act of conversation took more energy than he had.
"We, that is, Gwen and I," she continued, "were thinking of having the memorial there. It would suit Merlin."
Arthur stiffened at the mention of his former manservant. It was true that that the garden fit Merlin. He was bright and kind and truly appreciated beauty. It was the perfect place for so imperfect a situation. "Yeah," he breathed out.
"We were also thinking it would be nice if you said something for him."
Arthur's eyes grew wide, like a cornered animal with nowhere else to turn. "No!" he barked furiously as he stood and turned his back to Morgana.
"No!" Morgana was dumbstruck at the refusal. "But why?"
"Because I am not attending." His voice was low but still held an edge of anger, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the table's edge.
Suddenly returning to her regular countenance, Morgana launched into a heated tirade against her step brother, "You boorish, heartless brat!"
"Morgana," said the prince.
"Merlin was kind, and caring, and loyal beyond words to you!"
"Morgana," it was louder this time.
"This is how you repay him! You can't even honor him with your presence! Merlin was right all along, you really are just a royal prat!"
"Stop it, Morgana!" She finally paused at the abrupt command and Arthur took the opportunity to continue "Please, just stop Morgana." All anger had drained out of the prince, making his last sentence a desperate plea.
Momentarily taken aback, Morgana relented with her acusations, but still she had to know why. She addressed the prince again, this time with a calmer demeanor, "Why won't you go?"
Arthur heaved a heavy sigh and allowed his head to drop. "It just… it wouldn't be proper."
"Why, because he's just a lowly servant?" She snapped not bothering to hide the disgust in her voice.
Arthur whirled around so fast that it frightened her "Because I killed him!" he shouted. "It wouldn't do for his murderer to attend his funeral." At first he looked straight at his half sister but now he had eyes only for the floor, his strength having left him with his guilty admission.
Morgana found herself at a loss for words, "What… what do you mean?" she managed to stutter out.
"It should have been me," he said simply, "I should have been the one to go overboard, not him."
The prince's face was one of utter dejection and Morgana felt her heart melt in an instant. She walked toward him so she could place a soft hand on his cheek in an attempt to turn his face towards hers, but he quickly pulled away, resuming his previous position, slumped against the table. "That wasn't your fault."
"Of course it was my fault." He scoffed. "The biggest wave I had ever seen in my life was heading towards the ship. I was the one directly in its path. But of course, you know Merlin. The man has no sense of self preservation. He must have been born without it. He pushes me to safety, foolishly placing himself at the mercy of the wave. Don't you see Morgana?" This time Arthur did face her, looking her straight in the eyes for the first time since the conversation began. "If it weren't for me, Merlin would still be alive." Arthur's voice was an amalgamation of pain, anger, and most prominently self hatred. Picking up his goblet he pushed off of the table, keeping his back to Morgana. The room suddenly seemed claustrophobic and he was anxious to find a way out. His feet, however were striking up a mutiny against the prince, causing his body to remain rooted to the floor. So, by keeping his eyes focused on the dancing flames of the fireplace, he avoided the look of pure disdain that he was certain would be playing across Morgana's features.
"Besides," he continued, letting out a small hysterical laugh, "you're right. He is just a servant. It's not proper for a prince to react this way." Again Morgana's heart broke at the desperation in his voice. "It's not supposed to hurt this much!" he yelled, hurling the goblet into the fire.
The proud prince of Camelot was visibly shaking in front of the young woman's eyes. She went to him again, slowly turning him to face her. She was surprised when she met very little resistance, as though all the fight that once inhabited the generally stubborn warrior had deserted him, leaving a frail husk in its place. Cupping both cheeks in her hands this time, she forced their eyes to meet. "You must listen to me Arthur," her words were soft and kind with no edge of annoyance that she would normally chide him with. "Merlin knew the danger he put himself into. He would never blame you for this. And maybe it is true that a prince should not be so upset for the death of a servant. But it is the exact reaction that a man should have after losing a friend."
Every wall he built, every dam he put up broke with her words, sending a torrent of tears flooding to the surface. Leaning his head against his sister's shoulder, he let all of the anger and pain that he had been suppressing since the awful ordeal, pour out of him. Morgana held on to her brother, gently caressing his back and every so often murmuring soft comforts into his ear. She was reminded of a day shortly after her father passed away. She went after the prince looking for a fight only to wind up crying with her head upon his lap while Arthur gently stroked her hair. They were only kids then but ever since that day Arthur had been her strength when her own had failed her. Today she was determined to return the favor, so she gripped the prince just a little tighter and remained with him for as long as he needed.
Poor Arthur. He's so upset.
R&R please. I adore reviews of any kind. Thanks!