First off, if you have not viewed the latest Vampire Diaries episode, please do. It was one for the shipper books for BAMON. Just make sure you ignore the last part of the episode or at the very least, come into it with a VERY open mind. ;-p
Thank you everyone for your reviews, this fic is just chugging along...
Disclaimer: I don't own much.
"Bonnie…", Elena began for the 2,000th time since we left the house that Klaus held her, Caroline and Tyler captive in for days and the same place my mother disappeared with him, "are you ok?"
"I'm fine", I replied as I removed the dishes from the dishwasher and looked at Elena for a moment, "your bruises are healing".
She touched her neck where some of the scars from Klaus and his torture still remained, "Stefan wanted to give me more blood, but I didn't want it…but I feel better".
"I'm happy. I'm glad that you're ok", I smiled as I reached over and hugged her for a few moments and then went back to putting away the dishes.
"Bonnie, you can talk to me. You do know that, don't you?"
I turned to her and nodded, "Of course I know that Elena, I just really have nothing to say".
"It's been a couple of days…"
"I know", I cut her off, "you know what, I'm late for a study group. I will be home at around 10, no need to wait up for me".
"Ok", Elena sighed as she watched me pick up my bag and head out of the backdoor.
When I reached my car, I paused as I clutched the handle of the door. My hand shook a little as I opened the door and got inside. Four days had passed since everything happened at Klaus' house and everyone was starting to heal. I wanted to heal, I wanted to force myself to heal, but there was a part of me that felt like I had a hole in my chest. As soon as we left the house, everyone tried to talk to me and I told them that I absolutely did not want to discuss it. My mother was gone, Klaus was gone and everyone was alive and safe, we should be happy. So every time someone tries to bring it up to me, I shut them down and tell them I don't want to talk about it. Elena usually stopped talking, Caroline just frowned and looked as if she wanted to cry, Stefan furrowed his brow and Damon…well…Damon had been Damon, he didn't say much to me after we left the house and I was grateful for that.
As I started my car, I felt the tears start to form in my eyes, but I quickly willed them away. I would not cry. I am tired of crying and there is no point to crying. The only time I allowed myself to cry was after it all happened. I was in my bedroom alone and my dad called. The conversation was a regular one. He was asking me how school was, how the house was coming along and whether I found a new boyfriend. The entire time I listened to him, I wanted to tell him about my mom; how she came back and how she just disappeared again. I wanted to tell him that she didn't leave us for selfish reasons, but for good reasons. I wanted to tell him that she loved me and sacrificed everything for me, but in the end…I couldn't tell him. What good would it do for him to know that in a blink of an eye she was gone again?
After speaking with him, I locked my bedroom door said a quick spell to put a sound barrier around and I cried for hours. Following that cried, I said I would never cry again about it and I've made good on that.
SSSSS
I heard the front door close to the boarding house and immediately I knew that Elena was marching in for some reason and I hope whatever reason that was, she would explain it to Stefan and not me. I gulped down a glass of brandy as I heard her bypass the living room and I sighed in relief. It was amazing to me that after all of those months I spent trying to get Elena from Stefan, at this point, I was relieved when she didn't come to me for anything. I figured it was a byproduct of my feelings for the witch, but whatever it was, it made me feel better.
"Damon, we need to talk", Stefan's voiced from behind me.
"What do we need to talk about?" I asked turning to look at him.
"Bonnie, she's basically shut down on all of us", Elena replied.
"She hasn't shut down", I replied.
"She has shut down. She doesn't want to talk about what happened".
"Why would she want to talk about her mother who she thought hated her for years suddenly confessing that she sacrificed everything for her, I don't think anyone would want to talk about that".
"But that's not Bonnie, she just acts as if everything's ok and it's not. She has no idea where her mother is or whether she is still alive", Stefan spoke up.
I closed my eyes and sighed, "What do you want me to do, Bonnie and I are not together…we barely speak after what happened in that house, do you expect that she will talk to me".
"Yes, we do", Elena replied, "you know that Bonnie is hurting and she's keeping it all inside, you need to get her to let go".
"Why don't you leave her alone? When she is ready to talk about what happened, she will talk about it".
"Damon…", Elena began.
"Drop it!" I snapped as I headed out of the room, "maybe you two should stop worrying about Bonnie and start worrying about how you managed to allow Katherine to slip out of that house without you noticing, Stefan!"
I headed out of the house and slid into my car. I hit my head against the headrest and then I started the car as I dialed the familiar number and waited as the phone rang, "Where are you?" I asked.
She said nothing.
"Where are you?" I asked again.
She answered me and I ended the call.
SSSSS
I stood in the middle of the dusty living room staring down at the black spot on the floor. As soon as my mother and Klaus disappeared, I felt my powers come back to me. I remember immediately running over to the spot and searching around. I remember crying hysterically for my mother, something that I had not done since I was 3 years old. I remember Damon holding me and whispering in my ear. He didn't compel me; but I felt my body shut down and I stopped crying immediately and went silent.
Now that I stand in this room, I want to feel something.
I sat down on the floor and opened the grimoire that I kept in my bag. I pulled out some candles. I lit them and closed my eyes. I recited the spell that I had memorized from the grimoire and I waited as I felt the room grow hotter and the flames began to dance from the candles.
"Bonnie?" her voice filtered through the air.
I opened my eyes and she was standing in front of me or rather an image of her was, "Mommy", a voice said to the side and I saw another image, one of me…as a 3 year old child.
"Bonnie", she smiled as she kneeled down and hugged the 3 year old child.
"Mom, why did you leave me", I said as I moved my lips and the child spoke.
"I wanted to protect you, I always wanted to protect you. I vowed to protect you when you were in my belly and I said that I would protect you until my dying breath".
"But I needed you…I need you".
"I know, I know and I'm sorry. I know that you needed me growing up. I know that you went through hell without me. I knew that Shelia would take care of you here and I just needed to take care of you from afar by making sure that Klaus never got to you".
"But why did you leave me now?" I asked as the tears pooled in my eyes.
The tears appeared in my mother's eyes as she touched the child lightly, I could feel her touch on me as I closed my eyes.
"I am soo sorry Bonnie. However, there was a choice to be made and I needed to save you; if I picked that moment to be selfish, Bonnie, everything that I've done up until that moment would have been for nothing. Having you hate me for years…having you believe that I didn't love you…having your grow up without me. I was hoping, I prayed that somehow this would skip you…that maybe you wouldn't have to deal with any of this supernatural stuff and maybe you could avoid Klaus and that is why I brought Nate into the picture, I thought that he would pull you away from all of the evil in this town and allow you to be a regular girl…one who falls in love…gets married…has kids…that's what I wanted for you. I realize you can still have those things, but I just wanted to give you that chance now", she smiled, "I love you Bonnie, I want you to always know that and remember that".
"Thank…", I stumbled over my words as the tears began streaming down my face, "thank you for being my mom the only way you thought you could be".
I saw the tears leave her eyes and I covered my mouth as a hiccup escaped my mouth.
"You know…you are a smart and beautiful young woman, I mean…I question your choice in men", she smirked, "but I know that you have a good heart and I know that the vampire will take care of you, he appears to be loyal…I guess", she rolled her eyes.
I chuckled as I looked into her eyes, "I love you…I love you soo much, Mom", I said as I grabbed onto her tightly as a small child. She held me tightly and I could smell the lavender.
"I love you too Bonnie and I want you to know that this is not goodbye…it's not…", she replied suddenly standing in front of me as the child disappeared.
"But you disappeared…you and Klaus…the only thing left was a black mark on the floor".
She smiled, "Bonnie…just know that I always loved you".
I closed my eyes and when I opened them, she was gone. "Mom?" I asked looking around, "Mommy…what…you didn't say goodbye…you didn't say goodbye!" I screamed as the flames rose from the candles, "you didn't say goodbye!"
The flames rose higher as I turned around in circles, "Mommy!"
The heat in the room began to intensify and then I noticed that I had knocked over one of the candles and fire began to spread around the room. I was too hurt and angry to care.
SSSSS
I parked my car and I could see the flames from the house. A feeling of déjà vu came over me and I flew towards the house and kicked down the door. Bonnie was standing in the middle of the room and the fire was circling her. "Bonnie!" I called to her.
She stood in the middle of the floor and I could see that she was crying.
"Bonnie…stop the fire…", I yelled.
She turned to me and I could see that tears were streaming down her face and that blood was streaming from her nose.
"Bonnie…listen to me…please, stop the flames…please…stop the flames", I coaxed her.
"She left me…everyone leaves me", Bonnie mumbled as she raised her arms and the flames shot up higher.
"Bonnie, everyone does not leave you…Elena, she is never leaving you…Caroline…pfft…forget it…they will be living with you until you are old and grey and that means Stefan will be there too", I said as I moved as close as I could to the flames, "and I won't leave you".
She looked at me and I was about to walk through the fire, but stopped as I noticed it dying down. I walked over to her as she looked at me, "Don't you dare try to kill yourself after all that Bianca and I did to keep your stubborn, emotional and crazy butt alive", I said wiping the blood from her nose away, "I will have you know that I am not too happy with you right now. I had a perfect plan and what do you do, ruin it…you were supposed to stay at Mary's house safe and sound. What do you do? You come here and ruin it all and for that, I had to stab Stefan with a stake through his hand when we got back to Mystic Falls for not keeping his promise".
"Did you think that I would let you go on a suicide mission and keep me in some house?" she asked turning to me, "stop thinking that you know what's best for me…stop hurting me to keep me alive…I don't need you to do that…everyone thinks that I need to be protected or coddled. My mother, she thought I needed to be protected and she spent most of her life…my life…working for a crazy vampire and having me hate her…I don't need to be protected and now she's gone!"
"And what…what Bonnie…people who care about you are just supposed to sit back and watch you die!" he bit back at me, "why should someone sit back and do that!"
"So then you understand why I ended up here that day" she answered.
She got me, the witch got me, but I would never allow her to have the last word, "Bonnie, I have lived a very long time. If my time is up, my time is up…you have only begun to live and I could never allow you to sacrifice yourself for anyone".
"Damon, I am not some fragile thing that needs to be protected, I want you to understand that", she replied quietly, "and you know what, I don't want to know what it feels like for someone to sacrifice their life for mine…I know what that feels like right now and it makes me sick. My mother sacrificed herself for me and I hate it. I hate it soo much, why did I have to learn at that moment that she wasn't the mother that abandoned me? Why did I have to learn that at the end? I didn't want her to sacrifice her life for mine!"
"That wasn't your choice to make, it was Bianca's and she made it", I replied.
Bonnie shook her head and wiped her eyes, "You know…she saved you too".
"What…how…I was about to kill Klaus".
Bonnie looked up towards the ceiling and blew air, "Jonas said that if a vampire stabs an original with the dagger, they would die with the original".
That freaking Bianca! She was all ready to set me up to kill Klaus. She gave ME the dagger to kill Klaus, knowing that if I did, I would die with him! If she wasn't somewhere burned like a crisp, I would find her and rip her heart out.
"So doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy to know that someone sacrificed their life for you too?" Bonnie smirked with the tears shining in her eyes as she walked away from me, "doesn't it pretty much suck?"
"She did that for you, not for me", I answered, "can I just take you home now?"
"I drove here, I can take myself home", she replied.
"Bonnie, I want to help".
"I don't want your help".
"Either way you are going to get it, so do you want to drive yourself home or do you want me to sit here with you and get on your nerves until you are ready to kill me?" I smirked crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow.
She rolled her eyes towards the ceiling and then looked at me, "What are we doing here Damon? You broke up with me because you can't handle that one day I may not be here".
"I know that".
"And then that night at Mary's, you confessed everything and we made love because you thought that you would die the next day or you thought that it was a possibility…is that right?"
I looked at her. She was right. That night at Mary's, when I told her everything and made love to her, I knew that there was a strong possibility that I could die. Maybe it was selfish of me, but knowing that and knowing that there was a possibility that I would never see her again, I wanted to be with her. I never thought of what it would mean later on. I have to admit, I did not consider the full effect of what would happen afterwards. Could I be with Bonnie now, even though nothing had changed? At the end of the day, she was still a mortal witch and I was still a vampire. She would eventually die one day leaving me alone, every part of her would disappear and I would be left with nothing but memories…memories to torture me until I decided to stake myself or go out in the sun without my ring.
"Your silence gives me the only answer I need, just go Damon", she scoffed as she turned away from me.
I watched as she kneeled down to pick up the grimoire and the candles placing them in her bag, "You know…I love you…", I choked out as if my throat was closing up with every word, "but I just can't…we just can't make this work".
She didn't say anything and as much I wanted to stay or wanted to drag her out of this house, there was really nothing else that I could say or do at the moment. I knew that not having a relationship was still the best thing for all parties involved, so I turned and slowly walked out of the room.
SSSSSS
I heard his footsteps behind me as he walked out of the house and as I put the last candle in the bag, I gripped onto the bag as the tears started to escape my eyes again. I closed my eyes and sobbed on the floor of the house. Not just because of my mother this time, but because I knew that Damon and I would never be what we were before…
How will these two crazy kids stop putting all of the walls and realize that they would do anything for each other, so they minds well just be together.