chapter two

it had been twenty days and roughly seven hours since blaine anderson had realized that he'd fallen in love with a woman.

he still didn't understand any of it. he couldn't understand how he was attracted to a woman in the first place, couldn't understand why his body reacted the way it did when she accidentally touched him. he couldn't understand why every waking moment he wanted nothing more than to hold her, keep her close just to make sure she wasn't going to go anywhere. he couldn't understand why his heart was beating like back in high school, like back with kurt, as he lay on her bed, listening to one of her nervous rants where she said really any thing but the one thing she wanted to say. he was starring at her lips and he wasn't exactly sure what was coming out of them, he was simply mesmerized by the movements.

"blaine?", her soft but slightly irritated voice ripped him out of his daze.

his head snapped up and he looked at her wide eyed.

"you're not even listening, are you?", she was smiling like she was kidding but somewhere in her hazel eyes there was a hint of hurt and anxiety, almost as if she was self-conscious, afraid she wasn't interesting enough.

for a woman of her talents, of her wit and persistence, rachel berry had disconcertingly low self-esteem. she just had no idea how wonderful she was, how amazing, how beautiful.

"i was", he said quickly, "your runner up is sleeping with the director but it doesn't matter, you're better than her and everyone knows it"

she seemed pleased with that answer and let herself fall into her cushions, looking up at him. she meant to say something but couldn't suppress a yawn.

it was infectious. his mouth still wide open, blaine sank down beside her and let her snuggle closer. they did this occasionally. when they were both lonely or home-sick and just needed someone to hold.

why had it never occurred to him that their intimacy, all their little rituals and how essential they'd become to his life would leave prints on his heart? not to say that it had been inevitable, he was fairly certain that if it was any other woman beside him his throat wouldn't dry and the hairs on the back of his neck wouldn't stand up but with her these things happened. none other than she had touched his heart, tore down the walls and made a home within.

he gently let his arm close around her tiny body and like spoons they lay side by side, in silence and when rachel shut the light the new part of their ritual started.

when it happened for the first time, about three nights like these earlier, he'd been terrified. mostly because he couldn't get himself to stop. she'd just so much as pulled at his arm while at the same time driving her body closer against his. he remembered praying that she hadn't felt him shiver and suck in a deep breath at that touch.

and it had been weird because the sensation was new. everything was new. the biggest surprise though, was that he went along with anything she did. that, after a while that she'd stayed unmoving, he'd put his head on the small of her neck and squeezed her tighter. all he could think was, closer.

it was a game. and they'd played it well. everything sizzled and tingled as she dug her fingernails into his arms now as they wrapped around her waist seemingly on their own and the scent of her hair filled his nostrils.

he took a deep breath and bit down on his lip hard as she shifted her position and his lower body suddenly burned with something he'd never have believed he could feel for a girl. it wasn't a surprise anymore, he knew it would happen because it had happened the last time they'd done this. but it still didn't make sense.

they went on and their breathing exhilarated why they pulled harder at each other, barely containing the tension they built, barely keeping from just ripping and consuming the other. he felt dizzy and inexplicably happy.

and that's when he heard her sob.

"rachel", it wasn't more than a hoarse whisper, a growl mixed in somewhere with concern.

he didn't need to ask her why she was crying. he knew perfectly well why.

whatever was happening between them was confusing. it was bigger than them and it seemed odd and wrong and simply too good to stop. if her feelings were anyway like his he needn't question why she would cry. there were too many emotions. and frustrations.

he stroke up and down her arm in a fruitless attempt to calm her but she only stopped when he whispered a soft 'shh', letting his lips brush the bare skin of her neck.

"tell me", he whispered, "look at me"

she turned her face away from him and her body even closer into his.

"...won't you just look at me", he repeated, more urgent than before, "please, please rachel, just look at me and say it"

"but once i said it", her voice was muffled from the pillow, "i can't take it back. if i say it we can never go back to how it was before"

"we're way past that point already", he groaned, "and you know it"

with the rhythm her body carried as she sobbed he was close to erupting. something entirely different had taken hold of him, something he couldn't fight to come to the surface for very much longer.

"look at me", it was a demand, almost an order.

and she obeyed, turning her head first and then her body. for an endless second, she just looked at him. she looked so fragile, so afraid and yet her eyes were wild and her lips parted in a way that drove him almost insane.

and that was when the beast broke free and he grabbed her and he kissed her and the world stopped turning.