AN/ The last chapter was a little depressing, and this one was kind of hard to write. Thank you so much for your support, and I hope you keep liking the story. As always, if there is an "item" that you would like to add to "the list" let me know and I'll try and make a chapter of it. This chapter is dedicated to foxyfeline who helped make the chapter far better. Thanks!

Bonus points for anyone who can name the NASCAR driver Reid refers to.

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

-Howard Thurman

"Hey, Spence. Can I have your help with something?" She cringed, mentally unprepared for the scene that she knew would be the hardest.

"Of course JJ." Reid's bright smile brought a pang to her chest. In another life she could easily see herself falling in love with his dark, chocolate colored eyes. "What do you need?"

"Um..." She hesitated, nodding briefly at the questioning looks she was recieving from both Derek and Emily. "Can we talk in my office?"

Reid's eyes clouded momentarilly as he studied quickly JJ's behavior. She was obviously upset, and whatever she had to tell him made her worried. "Sure." He smiled, despite the pit that formed in his stomach. Could something be wrong with Henry? Forcing himself to remain calm, he reminded himself that whatever the problem, JJ likely needed his support more than anything else.

He followed her down the hall to her office, the light cacaphony of her heels matching the thoughts of worry that assaulted his brilliant mind. "Jayje, what's going on?" He asked pointedly as she shut the door.

"Spence, I--" She sighed in an attempt to control her emotions. "We need to talk."

"Okay." He said softly, doing all he could to make whatever her revelation as easy as he could. "Whatever it is JJ, you can tell me." He insisted comfortingly.

"I'm being pulled from field work." The words bubbled out of her before she could stop them, on some level she was grateful for the sudden run of her mouth because she was completely unsure of really how to explain what was happening. "With the Chemo treatment, there are some things I just can't do anymore, and--"

"Chemo?" He stopped her immediately, his eyes widening at the split second realization. "No." He recoiled, the implications hitting him straight on.

"Yeah." It didn't matter how many times she went through this, each time she was left feeling utterly inarticulate and unable to come up with any clever or witty response to lighten the mood. They sat in silence for over a minute as she watched the gears in his mind turn at lightning speed. "Chemo." She reiterated.

"No. This isn't happening, you're fine." He shook his head quickly as if trying to wake himself from some horrible nightmare.

She smiled sadly at his insistance. She had gone through the same feelings weeks before, but she had already come to terms with what was happening inside her body. "Spence--" She racked her mind to think of anything she could say. "I--"

"No. People beat cancer all the time. You're just fine." She knew that he was trying to convince himself more than her, and once again she was hit with the irony of comforting her friends once they heard the news.

"I'm not just fine." She admitted frankly. "But Spence, it's going to be okay."

"Okay?" His voice hitched. "How can it be okay? You could die."

"I could." She agreed. "You of all people know the odds of beating Stage III breast cancer. But I'm taking my meds and the doctors are confident--"

He blew out his breath in disgust. "Why you?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. After a moment, she added, "But Spence, really. It's all going to be okay. No matter what happens--"

"No." He interrupted, "How can you say it's all okay?" He gulped.

JJ sighed, this was far harder than she had anticipated, "Because I don't have to waste my time anymore. I can really live. Do you know that I went bungee jumping for the first time? There's nothing holding me back from doing what I've always wanted to. For the first time, I don't have to worry about what is dangerous. Spence, I'm going to be fine. And even if I'm not, then I don't want to live my life with any regrets. Hell, I even got my belly button pierced." She laughed at the memory.

"What's so funny?" He asked, slightly taken aback by her sudden bout of levity.

"You'll have to ask Derek." She insisted smirking.

He paused for a moment, considering her argument. He could tell the mere mention of her previous activities brought a joy to her that he hadn't seen, but he was still plagued with one question. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He asked in a small voice.

She cringed involuntarily. "I'm sorry. I just wasn't sure how. I--" She fell silent, the excuse sounding lame even to her own ears.

Spencer sat back in shock as his mind raced through the studies and statistics that he had read, each number assaulting his mind with mockery. But for this moment, Spencer was hit by a feeling that was altogether new for him.

Understanding.

All throughout his formative years, he had attempted to describe the world around him through facts and scientific explanations. Right now, however, he felt an unexpected flash of insight. Suddenly, he realized that JJ was waiting for him to respond.

For just a moment, his own grief at the prospect of losing one of his first friends on the team was swept away. Despite all of the evidence to the contrary, even he could see JJ's desperate need for hope. He had known her for years, and despite his best efforts to avoid profiling his friend, he probably knew her better than anyone else.

And he'd be damned if he took that from her. Because despite the brave face she was putting on, he was sure that she was scared to death.

"JJ, people beat cancer all the time." Though the words were the same, this time his tone had changed. The finality and firmness of his voice even surprised himself. Deep down, he had always loved JJ. Whether as a sister or something more, he wasn't sure, but one thing was for certain, he wasn't going to let her worry over something she had no control over.

"Really?" She asked, and Reid could easily detect the light hitch in her voice. Reid couldn't help but feel the irony in the reversal of their roles in only a few short minutes.

"Yeah. Really." He said seriously. There were radical new treatments that offered far better odds than ever before. It wasn't technically a lie, and for the first time in Spencer Reid's 28 years, the hopeful outlook was more comforting than any statistic.

He could see the relief wash over her as she scoffed slightly. "I knew I kept you around for a reason." She smiled brightly.

In that moment, Spencer was certain that everything was going to be okay. "So what's the next item on the list?"

"Well," She admitted with a grin. I have always wanted to drive a race car."

Reid couldn't help the joy that welled inside him at the prospect of helping JJ achieve her wildest dreams. "Consider it done."

"You've got to be kidding me." Derek groaned as they entered Bristol Speedway, "There's no way we're really going to do this."

"I do believe you're wrong my pet." Garcia chortled. "I think we are totally going to do this."

"So where is this guy?" Emily asked warily. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy spending time with the team on these 'excursions', but a six hour drive just to drive cars seemed a little ridiculous.

"He couldn't make it today, that's why JJ and Reid came down yesterday to pick up the keys." Hotch reminded them, silently grateful that he was invited to come along for this activity.

"So, Reid knows a driver?" Rossi turned to ask him, grateful for the chance to walk around and stretch his legs.

Hotch shrugged, "Apparently. He said he went to school with some driver's older brother."

"Did he say who?" Penelope asked the other men excitedly, if there was a sport she could appreciate, it was NASCAR.

"Must be a driver with connections to get the speedway to let us use the cars." Emily surmised.

"No, and I'm not going to tell you." Reid smiled, coming up from behind the others. His eyes danced with excitement, "suffice it to say that he's famous enough to get us the stadium for the day."

"I can't believe I got to meet--" JJ's grinned happily but trailed off after seeing Reid's glare. "A very famous NASCAR driver."

"Aw, come on kid, just tell us." Rossi groaned, uncharacteristically enthused about the possibility of meeting a professional driver.

"Yeah Genius Boy, we wanna know." Garcia pressed,

"Well I'm not going to tell you." Spencer retorted mischieviously as they made their way down to the cars. "Maybe I'll take you to meet him sometime, but a guy's got to have some secrets."

"Not from me." Penelope pouted good naturedly. Truth be told, she could easily find Reid's connection, but it was more fun to pester the boy genius.

"I still don't like this." Emily grumbled protectively, joining the others. "I don't think it's very safe."

"I agree." Derek insisted. "I mean, we've all seen the way JJ drives--"

"What's wrong with the way I drive?" JJ interrupted, feigning offense. Emily and Morgan fell silent. JJ's excitment was infectious, and though they were still concerned, they each decided to remain quiet.

If anyone deserved this moment, it was JJ.

As JJ climbed into the car with her helmet securely fastened, Reid was reminded of his earlier conversation with the blonde. Turning to Derek, he asked innocently, "Why would JJ tell me to ask you about her piercing?"

Garcia and Emily shared a knowing smirk as JJ started the car. The blood that rushed to Morgan's cheeks did not go unnoticed by the seasoned profilers. "I swear JJ, I'll get even with you." He ground out.

"In your dreams." She laughed, flooring the gas sending the car shooting forward. The rush that overcame her could only be bested by the sight of leaving her friends in the dust. She grinned, this was even better than she could have imagined.

"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."

-Flora Whittemore