Disclaimer: I don't own Urinetown.
Author's Note: The next chapter… in which Little Sally makes an appearance, Fipp can't stop talking about his next campaign, and something actually gets accomplished on the movie.
The first scene that included Mrs. Millennium was filmed somewhere near Public Amenity Number 9, where Mr. Smith was wandering around for some reason. The plot was supposed to be that Mr. Smith met Mrs. Millennium's character, Ms. Mudd, there for the first time, only she told him her name was Ms. Jones. They fell in love with each other, and they started having an affair behind the rest of his family's backs. Then, Mr. Smith discovered that "Ms. Jones" was really named Ms. Mudd, and she was a secret spy for some poor people trying to overthrow the government. Mr. Smith went back and told his boss, and they all went and defeated the rebels.
Anyway, Cladwell had finally decided to let McQueen come along and be his camera assistant, mainly to make sure McQueen wouldn't accidentally appear in the movie somehow. McQueen wasn't there yet, though, and Cladwell was getting angry. He finally went off to find him himself, leaving his three actors who were part of the scene there.
As Lockstock was standing there, a little girl skipped out of the bushes. She looked very dirty and poor, and to Lockstock's dismay, she walked right up to him. "Hey, there, Officer!"
"Well, hello there," Lockstock said.
"Hi, I'm Little Sally! And before you ask, I don't really age; I just stay nine years old forever for plot reasons. Also, I can see through the fourth wall."
Lockstock fidgeted. He had thought the ability to see through the fourth wall was something only he had. Being able to see through the fourth wall, he suddenly realized that somewhere, someone was going to come up with the idea to make a musical out of all this. He wasn't sure whether this would be a good thing or a bad thing though.
While he was thinking about this, Little Sally tugged on his sleeve and said, "Officer Lockstock, what are you doing?"
"Well, I'm waiting for my boss to come back so we can film a movie, Little Sally," he said.
"Really? I've never seen a movie. What's it called?"
"It's called The Time I Got Bored By Caldwell B. Cladwell. I think that's a working title, though."
"Yeah, probably. A bad title could really ruin a movie, you know. I've never seen one, but that's pretty obvious. What's the movie about?"
Before Lockstock could answer, he heard "MCQUEEN! What on earth were you doing back there? I'm surprised I haven't sent you to Urinetown yet! This is the last day you come out here with us!" There was a brief silence; Lockstock figured Cladwell was hypnotizing McQueen again. "Now, come on!"
"Ooh. He doesn't sound too happy. Urinetown, huh?"
"Right. Now, run along, Little Sally. I don't think you want to be around when he comes over—that's my boss, coming to film the movie."
"Oh. You're probably right. Nice to meet you! Bye!"
The girl ran away, and Cladwell and McQueen came into view. They finished setting up the filming equipment and started with the movie.
"Well, last we saw each other we—"
"Cut!" said Cladwell. "Officer Lockstock, you're not supposed to say "last we saw each other"! Why do you always say that? This is a continuous movie! The audience has been sitting there the whole time."
"Okay, okay." He said. He tried again: "Well, now Mr. Smith had to get home from work, but there was a traffic jam on the 405 so he had to drive through the poor side of town. It was really dirty, and he didn't like it that much. He told himself that this was why he went to work every day: to clean up these streets and make these people's lives better. That was all that anyone at the UGC wanted, after all." At the end of Lockstock's speech, Fipp was supposed to come on, so Lockstock left, wondering why there was even a narrator in this movie. He had thought movies normally just told the story with the visuals, and didn't have narrators. He wasn't going to complain, though; he liked being in the movie.
Anyway, Senator Fipp came walking into the shot. "No!" said Cladwell. "You're supposed to drive in, Fipp!"
"But then, why am I out of my car when I meet Ms. Mudd? It doesn't make—" Cladwell hypnotized Fipp again. "Yes, Cladwell," Fipp said, getting into the car and driving into the scene. Just as he did this, Little Sally came running back over, yelling, "Look! Look! It's a stranger in a car! Going somewhere, going—"
"Wrong musical, Little Sally!" yelled Soupy Sue, running in and leading Little Sally away. The UGC people ignored this, and started the shot again.
Senator Fipp drove into the scene in his car. He stopped the car, got out randomly as he had been told to, and started to talk to nobody. "Oh, this place is so dirty!" Fipp recited in a monotone. "But don't worry, it only reminds me of the reasons why I ran for office in this great country in the first place. I work for you, to help keep the pee off the streets and the water in the ground. I will help you make your lives better. Vote Fipp on Election Day—Children Workers Values. Thank you. I am Senator Fipp and I approve this message."
"What the hell was that?" exclaimed Cladwell. "First of all, this is not your personal advertisement. I'm filling your campaign chest; you have nothing to worry about. You don't need to mess with my script. Second of all, you are not Senator Fipp in this movie! You are Mr. Smith. And third of all, did you forget how to act? I've seen you give speeches before. You're way better at them."
"Oh, yeah, right," said Fipp.
"Good. Let's try that again."
"Oh, this place is so dirty!" Fipp said, with more expression this time. "My fellow citizens, my friends, my political opponents have allowed water consumption to go wild. This agenda will only hurt the average citizen. I am a man of vision, a maverick, just like you, and I will finally put a stop to waste and abuse of our precious resources. Vote for me, and we will progress toward a better future for our children, our parents, our brothers, our aunts, our uncles, our cousins, our grandmas, our grandpas, our sisters, our cats, our goldfish and the rats under our floorboards. Vote Fipp on Election Day—Children Workers Values. Thank you. I am Senator Fipp and I approve this message."
"That really wasn't any better," Cladwell said. "I think you're confused between filming this movie and filming the ads for your next election campaign. Also, that was possibly one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Who came up with the slogan 'Children Workers Values' anyway?"
"You did, Mr. Cladwell," Fipp said. "You told me that most politicians talk about our children's future, our workers, or values, and that if I could put them all into one short phrase I'd be a shoo-in. It was the same conversation when you told me a man might be more likely to be elected than a woman, remember—"
"Yes, I do remember that, Fipp," Cladwell said, shaking his head. "Now, let's do that one more time, and actually follow the script."
"Okay," said Fipp. The cameras turned back on. "Oh, this place is so dirty!" Fipp exclaimed. "Never fear, residents. I am Senator Fipp and I am running for re-election in the United States Senate for California. I really care about you and your children, even if you do live here. In these past six years, I have helped to push this country in the right direction—but we still have a lot to do, through no fault of my own. My record on these issues is clear: I will fight and work hard to preserve the water that you hold dear. My opponent, on the other hand, actually had the nerve to say that I was being funded mainly by the Urine Good Company itself! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard (are you hearing this, Mr. Cladwell?)! Vote for me, and together we'll face the challenges of the new millennium—"
"YES?" said Mrs. Millennium, suddenly turning around. She hadn't been paying attention, since they hadn't gotten to her yet and probably wouldn't for a while, the way they were going.
"Never mind!" Cladwell said. "Also, that's Hope's line."
"Sorry!" said Mrs. Millennium, and went back to what she was doing.
"Anyway, Fipp, you just sound stupider and stupider every time this happens. What is with your sudden inability to just say your freaking lines!"
"Sorry, Mr. Cladwell, it won't happen again," stammered Fipp, as Cladwell was looking very aggravated by this point.
The filming started again. Fipp drove in yet again.
"Oh, this place is so dirty!" he said. "Luckily, the UGC is hard at work at the task of cleaning it up, and all the places like it! I should really get back in my car, and drive home to my family. I love them so much, my dear wife and my two children—"
"Cut!" said Cladwell. "You don't have two children anymore, remember?"
"Oh, right. Just one, right?"
"Yes."
They started again. "Oh, this place is so dirty! Luckily, the UGC is hard at work at the task of cleaning it up, and all the places like it! I should really get back in my car, and drive home to my family. I love them so much, my dear wife and my sweet little daughter, Hope Smith. That's her name because she is our future, our hope! It's just so perfect! But sometimes things get a little too perfect around where I live. Maybe that's why I drive through here…"
"Perfect! This script is amazing, don't you think?" Cladwell said, hypnotizing the others.
"Incredible!" they all said in perfect unison.
"Couldn't have done better myself, boys," Cladwell said. "Now, continue, from Ms. Mudd's entrance."
Mrs. Millennium walked into the scene. During her appearances as Ms. Mudd, she appeared in a bright, shiny blue mask.
"Excuse me, I think I'm lost," she said.
"Really?" Fipp said.
"Of course. Do you really think I live here?"
"Cut!" said Cladwell. "That was not your line, Mrs. Millennium. Let's not insult people we want to get money from, okay? From your entrance, again."
"Excuse me, I think I'm lost."
"Really?"
"Yes, I do."
"Well, I'll help you, of course." He turned toward the camera. "After all, I work for the UGC, where we are all about helping people."
"I love that part, because it totally doesn't specify which people!" McQueen blurted.
"Well, so do I, McQueen, and now you'll get to hear it again because you talked in the middle of filming!" Cladwell said.
"Sorry, it won't happen again."
They started again. "Excuse me, I think I'm lost."
"Really?"
"Yes, I do."
"Well, I'll help you, of course. After all, I work for the UGC, where we are all about helping people."
"You will?"
"Definitely. What's your name?"
"Julia Jones. What's yours?"
"Mark Smith. Where do you need to go?"
"555 Stoney Avenue. It's my mother's house, and she just moved so I've never been there before, and she got mixed up when she was giving me the directions and now I don't know how to get there. Here's this map."
"Okay. Let's get in my car."
They did, and then they drove out of the scene. "And… cut." Cladwell said. "That's the end of that scene. We can all go back to the UGC building now."
So they did.