A/N I don't own anything of Harry Potter's world. I just play with it for my personal satisfaction.
Chapter 2
Dear Insolent Brat,
You have to believe me when I say that you are in need of a therapy. Do you think that you are the only one with problems down here?
Well, as you are doing me a favor, please don't change your state of mind. I'm quite happy to help you die.
But, if you want some pointers to help you to kill your relatives or your former "friends" (you know... as a petty revenge), I can offer you free advice. You know me, I'm always up for a bloodshed. (Insert here an evil cackle!)
On another topic, I read that you know the prophecy. That's Very interesting. I can only suppose that the old fool told you about it.
May I inquire about the content? It will be useless to keep it a secret because with your death it will be or fulfilled or null and void.
Sincerely yours,
Lord Voldemort
-0-
Hey Voldy,
I think we can drop all the niceties, because at the rate we are writing it's becoming tiresome.
Well you know, if I need a therapy what about you and your death munchers? You really need anger management seminaries if what I saw in the visions you sent me is true.
And don't think that I'm stupid. I'm not as thick as everybody seems to think I am. For the moment I will not give you the prophecy. And I don't even know if what Dumbledore told me is the truth.
Oh, and I don't want to kill anybody. I just want to die. Talking of dieing, what does your parchment do? Since I got it, I didn't see any change.
Wait, I've got an owl at my window.
THEY ARE SO DEAD! THOSE SLIMY COCKROACHES ARE GOING TO BE CRUSHED UNDER MY FOOT!
-0-
You little impudent,
How dare you to give ME (and my followers) stupid names? And for your knowledge, niceties as you call them are the base of polite societies, you ignorant monkey!
Furthermore, you try to lecture me about anger management seminaries and look at you. A simple letter and you loose your temper. (No wonders, Snape or Malfoy junior got to you so easily, silly Gryffindor.)
You told me that you didn't want to kill, didn't you? And now you want to kill every single life on earth! Do you want some help? (Insert here: Evil cackle, the 2nd)
So what put your knickers in a twist (as young plebeian as yourself would say)?
I nearly forgot, the parchment steals your life as you write in it. When I write you I assimilate your life into mine. At the moment the only symptom you are feeling is little bout of tiredness. Thanks to you I'm becoming healthier. (Inset here: Evil cackle, the 3rd)
-0-
Voldy,
Even if I still want to die, I realized that I don't want to die right now. Don't hold your breath, I'm not changing my mind. I just want to have the time for my revenge.
You know, you told me that I was going to have surprises with the account. Well for the first time in history you were quite right. Dumbledore, the old f***g goat had made withdrawals from my vaults. I didn't even know that I possessed vaults, as in plural! He took my money and he even made deposits in other vaults. And guess to whom are the vaults: Dumbledore, Dursley, Weasley, Pettigrew, Fudge... and the list go on. There is even a vault for the f***g order of the charred chicken! They are SO going to repay me!
I will tell you a secret (and no, it's not the prophecy, you moron) the sorting hat wanted me in Slytherin. I chose to go to Gryffindor. What a mistake it was.
Well, now I'm going to use my Slytherin side. I don't want them dead. Oh no! They will just loose everything important to them. The money, the fame and the trust of the wizarding world! And I will be laughing at them during all the process! (that is, if you let me live long enough!)
Well I have just a little problem. I don't how to proceed. Do you have any suggestions?
Wait there is another owl coming and it's not Hedwig.
Well, I've received another Gringott's letter that state that since I'm interested in my finance and that I'm becoming sixteen in a few days, they will send me my accounts instead to send them to my magical guardian.
What the heck is a magical guardian?
Furthermore, there is a reading for Sirius' will and as one of the beneficiaries, they joined a portkey which is going to activate in 3 days at 9 o'clock.
That's so much to cope with, you know.
-0-
You brainless sheep (even if you were nearly sorted into Slytherin),
A magical guardian is an adult who represents a magical kid with no family in the wizarding world for all the magical topics. They are involved with your education, your vaults, you relations with the ministry, and so on.
You should read more.
I find your idea of revenge quite tame but it has some merit.
Here we go with the advice. I will try to keep it simple for you:
1- Find who your magical guardian is. (I bet for the goat)
2- Apply to be emancipated.
3- For the two points above, go to Gringott 1 hour before the reading. Ask for your vaults manager. Revoke him in front of other goblins, and appoint a goblin, with no power, in charge (he will be grateful and he will protect your personal interests) . Then, file your case of emancipation and then attend the reading.
3- Buy some books and read about the culture and customs of the wizarding world. (Your mudblood knows more about it than you do!). Knowledge is power.
That's the first step of your revenge.
Do you still follow me?
To be emancipated, you have to prove that your guardians (muggles and magical) are unfit to raise you. For that you will have to take veritaserum and to submit memories. Then you will have to fill paperwork.
Once emancipated, you will go to the second stage of your revenge.
I'm wondering, why the goat didn't reply to your letter. That's strange.
Voldy... I mean Lord Voldemort!
-0-
Potter are you there?
Where are you?
Why aren't you answering me?
-0-
Potter answer me right now!
If you think you can escape from our little arrangement you are wrong. (Insert here: Angry growl)
If you don't answer me in the next hour, I will kill one person every half an hour until you do.
-0-
Hold your horses, I'm here.
Sorry about the delay but the old f***g goat stroke again!
The f***g blip blip blip f**g goat kept Hedwig! He sent me an Hogwart's owl. As I picked the letter the owl flew away.
Bumblewhore wrote me that for my own safety and the safety of others he would prevent Hedwig for coming back for the rest of the summer. (The charms that needed to be cast on the owl delayed the answer).
Furthermore, he was informed by Gringott that they sent me letters and a portkey. As it's too dangerous for me to be surrounded by people, he canceled all my appointments with the bank. And I'm to be grounded to my aunt and uncle's house! There will be guards outside to prevent my "escape"!
I was so ANGRY that the letter caught fire! I needed time to cool down a little bit.
How will I attend the reading of Sirius' will, if I haven't any mean of transport? My portkey just disintegrated, the house isn't on the floo network and I can't apparate. I'm STUCK here and I HATE IT!
Do you have any idea?
Oh, by the way, I didn't know you cared about me. (Insert here: a little smirk)