Okay, I have now finally finished a story. And here it is for you all to read! Please read and review, I'd love to know what you all think of it.
Carnys.
Disclaimer: I don't own Alice in Wonderland, or the characters within this story. (With the exception of the daisy and Sable) I also do not own the song Nemo, Nightwish does.
"This is me, for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass"
I don't have a name. I did once, but it has long since been forgotten by those of this world. Maybe the people of the world below still remember my name. I used to be a champion, now all I am is a girl with aspirations of greatness. After I had come back from China, no-one had needed me and I had been left, forgotten in the forests of the Ascott Estate. For forever and a day I had been searching for the rabbit hole that would lead me to the land of my dreams, but I have not gotten there yet, and most likely never will…
"This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavour
To find the missing life line"
Here! The rabbit hole was by this large tree, I am sure of it. But now, now it is gone. I sit down on the base of the tree, and cry. My dreams lost forever with the world below.
"Tears never solved anything, stupid girl." I hear a voice say, I look up and see a blue butterfly,
"Absolum!" I say with a half-hearted smile, "There's not much I can do but cry anymore."
"There is always something else you can be doing, stupid girl."
"Not for me, there's not."
"There are many other things you could be doing, like searching, or digging, or going back to your family." And with that, he's gone. I sigh, and realise I really should go back to my family, but, surely they've forgotten me by now. I know Lord Ascott went off on another trade ship to somewhere not long ago. And mother is, well, I don't know where mother is...
Then I remember, the word Absolum slipped into the middle of his suggestions of what to do. Digging!
"Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope, I'd give my everything"
I finally manage to dig my way through the top layer of dirt, and it appears that was all I needed to do, as I find myself falling, falling so far down. Landing with a thud, I make quick work of the round room, and soon, I find myself in Underland.
"Who are you?" I hear a bright little voice behind me say, I turn, and see that a little flower, a daisy, is speaking to me "Are you an Abigail, a Deborah, or an Astrid? Perhaps you are a Jane? Are you a Daphne, an Elizabeth, or a Maryanne, perchance?"
"I am none of those," I answer with sorrow in my voice, "I have not got a name anymore."
"Oh! So you are a Nemo, then?" the daisy asks, "Nemo means 'No name', you know."
"I guess I am, then." I answer. Nemo. It's nice enough, I suppose... I turn and start to wander off, pausing only to thank the little flower.
"My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once, and forever bloom
Gone with my sins"
I walk down a dark little path through the Tulgy Woods. Every time I take a step I expect Chessur to appear out of nowhere, but he never does. After I have walked a little way, however, a cheshire cat does appear. However, it has a distinctly feminine look about it.
"Who are you?" she asks,
"I am Nemo." I answer, trying hard to stop my voice from wavering, "What is your name?"
"Sable." the cat responds with a smile larger than Chessur's, if that's even possible. "If you wish, I can take you to the Hare and the Hatter."
"Yes, please!" I say eagerly, and when Sable reappears at the end of the lane, I run off after her.
"Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name"
We reach the Mad Tea Party after a short while of walking. As we approach, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare wake up. The Hatter looks up at me, then walks across the tables and kneels down in front of me.
"Alice?" He questions, "Yes, your Absolutely Alice! I'd know you anywhere!"
"She's not Alice, you know." Sable informs the Hatter, "Her name is Nemo. I found her walking through the Tulgy Woods."
"Oh." The Hatter says sadly, he looks at me once more, then goes back to his seat at the head of the table.
"I am sorry, that I'm not Alice." I say to the Hatter as I sit down on the seat next to him, I used to sit here, whenever I came. Before I became Nemo, that is.
"Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything"
"Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?" the Hatter asks in all seriousness.
"No, I have no idea." I answer, I know the Hatter doesn't either, I had asked him once...
"You should stop asking riddles with no answer, Tarrant" I hear from behind me, I turn, and see Chessur examining me, "Alice?"
"No, I'm Nemo." I smile sadly.
"Ah, yes. The daisy told me about you." Chessur grins. He floats over to Sable, who smiles at him. I wonder how many more cheshire cats there are in Underland. "Why do you have no name? Were you not given one at birth?"
"I was, yes. But it has long since been forgotten..."
"You do look alarmingly like Alice, you know."
"I'm sure I do." I answer, I know I am no longer worthy of such a name.
"Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore"
"Maybe we should ask Absolum?" the Hatter suggests, everyone seems to agree with him, as soon I find myself riding on the Hatter's top hat on our way to visit Absolum. I look on a head at everyone, Sable and Chessur keep appearing next to me, and every time they do, I nearly fall off the hat!
"What is this?" Absolum asks as we approach him.
"We have come to seek your advice, Absolum." Sable starts, but she doesn't get time to finish,
"Who are you?" Absolum asks me, cutting Sable off.
"Nemo." I state as clearly as possible,
"No you're not, stupid girl." Absolum contradicts, puffing the smoke from his hookah into my face
"I'm not stupid!"
"But you don't even know who you are."
"I know exactly who I am!"
"Then why do you insist on calling yourself Nemo?"
"Because I don't deserve my true name!"
"Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go"
To begin with, I had thought I had made the right decision, going back to Overland. But when I had realised my mistake, I couldn't turn back. I had to continue the journey to China, then complete the trades. I had hated every single moment of it. But there had been nothing I could do about it. When I got back to England, however, I felt that I could do something. And that something had just happened to be run away to find the rabbit hole. The trading and journey had only taken half a year, and I had spent the rest of that year and half of the next trying to find the land of my dreams. Or, would have been, had I ever slept properly.
Now, now I don't deserve my true name, Alice. Alice was the girl who had a huge amount of muchness, Alice was the girl who said she would make the path instead of being told who she must be and where she must go. Alice was the girl who slew the Jabberwocky, and, most importantly, Alice was the girl who when she made a stupid mistake, would right it as soon as possible, if not immediately. But I didn't do that. Alice would have noticed her mistake much quicker than I had. Or at least she would have waited until the white rabbit came and got her, she would not have spent a year in a forest trying to find a land she had been starting to doubt ever existed!
No. I am not Alice any more.
"Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I give my everything"
"Nemo? Nemo?" Everyone calls to me, but I don't notice, I'm too lost in my thoughts to hear anything.
"Alice!" Absolum shouts at me, waking me from my memories
"What?" I ask, then realise my mistake, everyone gasps and stares at me. I turn and look at them all, my gaze moving from one to the next, "I am not Alice anymore. I may have been once, but I am no longer."
"You're not ashamed, are you?" Chessur asks me
"Not of who I once was, no. I just don't deserve to be Alice anymore."
"And why ever would that be?"
"I have made some stupid mistakes, and am ashamed of them. The main one being staying in that god forsaken wood for a year trying to find the damned RABBIT HOLE!" I say, my voice getting louder and louder towards the end of my explanation until I am yelling at them
"Alice, that's not something to be ashamed of. It shows much muchness." The Hatter says with a smile, I look him in the eye, and realise he is being sincere, not just trying to make me feel better. Yet still, I have to ask him,
"It is?"
"Yes, Alice." He answers with a smile.
"Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore"
Now I am Alice once more. Once, for a time, I didn't have a name. For a while, I was a nobody, simply borrowing a name until I could become Alice again. I have been Not At All Alice, Not Hardly Alice, Mostly Alice, and Absolutely Alice. And now, finally, I am Completely Alice. I will not go to Overland ever again, I think, after I ran away the first time, they all believed I would die in those woods surrounding the Ascott Estate. But I didn't, my muchness kept me alive, and, eventually, led me back home, to Underland.
Never again will I forget the times that have been, never again will I believe I do not deserve to be who I am.
Alice is my name for evermore...
"Nemo my name for evermore"