A/N: I don't own Harry Potter's world, I just play with it for my own free amusement.
{Bla bla bla} Voldemort input
[Bla bla bla] Harry input
"So, my dear cousin Andromeda, Sirius declared, I'm happy to tell you that you, and your family, have been reinstated in the Black Family. I'm sure you are ecstatic". At that Sirius let out a laugh who seems more like a bark.
"Furthermore, you will have the money coming from the branch of your family on one and only condition. You have to renounce to all acquaintance with the old goat named Albus Dumbledore".
At that the glint in the eyes of Dumbledore came back full force.
{Argh! The goat will manipulate them to obtain the money.}
[Shhhh! Wait and see!]
"You have to give your decision by the end of the will."
"Oh, I forgot! Not that I don't trust you, but to impede the goat to put his grubby hooves on the treasure you will have to take an unbreakable vow with the goblins to not give him money under any form, money, gifts, will… And the goblins will provide items to block any curses and hexes to manipulate you."
At that, the glint in Dumbledore's eyes died.
{1 point to the dog!}
"To Remus, my old friend. I know, I left you, but don't worry you are not alone. I'm not blind. I saw how you watched Nymphadora and how she watched you. Marry her and make a lot of little Marauders and cubs. I allow you for the rest of your life 1000 galleons per month. So please, go buy a few new robes."
"Tonks, make him happy. I allow you 500 galleons per month. I know it's not very much, but I don't doubt one second what will be your mother decisions at the end of the will."
{It's so sappy that I think that I might be sick}
[Could you shut up, you bastard! You are talking about my godfather here!]
{Don't put your knickers in a twist! But it's so sappy and mushy… Argh!}
[Mom, could you go back and strangle him? (Insert here puppy eyes)… Why don't you waannttt?]
{Shut up pea brain, she's still my familiar}
[Why is she mumbling about blind mates?]
{I haven't the foggiest idea.}
"End of the sappy/mushy moment!"
{See, I told you so! It was sappy!}
[Could you please shut up you snake breath!]
"Hagrid, Sirius continued, your dear headmaster knew that it was Voldemort who opened the Chamber of the Secret. Ask Harry, I'm sure he will provide the memories.
But, did you ever wonder why almighty Dumbledore didn't help to innocent you? Maybe not at the beginning but when he became Chief Warlock, he could have reopened your case. But he didn't. Do you know why? Because he wanted a spy with the giants. He did to you what he did to Remus. He rigged you."
Hagrid turned to Dumbledore, with incomprehension in the eyes. "Headmaster?"
"That's nonsense, Hagrid. You know I wouldn't do something like that."
[{Sure you would!}]
At that moment Sirius added, "The goblins will give you your case file, were there is a mention of the Chief Warlock to never reopen the case."
"Why, headmaster?" asked Hagrid with hurt in his eyes.
"Didn't you know Dumbledore, as Sirius followed his speech, that the files are open to the public 20 years after the facts? So I asked for them. They were sent to me to an owl box that Remus opened for me.
Too bad for you that I survived my stay in Azkaban."
{I like your dogfather.}
[Too bad he is dead.]
{Mmmmhhh.}
"So Hagrid, I give you a Black property in Romania. It's a farm were they breed different animals that are more or less dangerous, for potions ingredients.
Well, it's more than less.
I'm sure you will happy there. I have only one request. You have to give some free loadings to Snivellus. It's my apology for what I did to him. But, if you tell him that I said that I will deny every statement! Oops, I forgot. I'm dead."
"To the twins, I was very happy to know you. You would have done fine marauders. For that I will help with the capital of your store. You will receive 100 000 galleons. I have one request. Make Dumbledore's life hell."
"You bet!" said the twins together.
{I like those twins.}
[Don't even dare to approach them.]
{Why not? Our deal is to not torture you, not to not make business proposition to some people I found talented and enjoyable.}
[Talented? Certainly. Enjoyable? Wait until they transform you into a canary.]
{They wouldn't dare.}
[You bet!]
"Hermione, my love. For trying to sleep with me at the demand of your master, but instead warning me and being a wonderful courtesan, I send word in different circles that you rent your services."
"WHAT?" cried everyone.
{WHAT?}
[I know it was a shock for me, too.]
"Sorry Ron, Harry." said Hermione, ashamed. "Dumbledore forced me to whore myself."
"IT'S UTTER NONSENSE!" cried Dumbledore
{And I thought I was the Dark Lord!}
[Don't be depressed. Mom says that you still are one mean Dark Wizard.]
{How dare you? I'm the most feared Dark Lord through the Ages!}
[If you say so dear!]
"Sure, old man. You didn't imperiused my parents to sign a contract where it was stipulated that I would be a whore since you see fit to release me or that I gain possession of the contract, DID YOU? MAYBE I DREAMT ALL THAT, DIDN'T I?."
Sirius continued, "From what I tested and what I heard from different allies of Dumbledore you are quite good at your job. You will receive 100 000 galleons and the contract which tie you to him. Shacklebolt stole it for you after your first night together."
"Thanks Merlin. Harry, I'm sorry for what he forced me to do to you. I didn't want your money. I can refund you now that I have money.
I'm sure that you must consider me as a whore, but I'm good at what I do, and if you want I will do what I did for him to sway your enemies to your side."
"Don't bother Hermione, says Harry. And if you are happy with your activity, so be it. But the old perverted goat will pay"
{Always the sensible and sensitive Hero.}
[Yes. Why wouldn't I be like that?]
{Pfff. Forget it.}
"So the mudblood is really a whore, Draco sneered."
"I may be a whore my dear Draco, but I'm an expensive one. I was forced to be one, but I did it with flair. I became a courtesan, in the noblest meaning of the term.
Furthermore, I'm good at what I do, unlike you, if I must believe what I heard. It's not all about sex. Dear Lucius wouldn't have spent 5 000 galleons only for a lay."
"You are the Scarlet Lady?, cried Draco."
"Of course, darling."
"Lucius, I will send you my new vault number, before our next appointment."
"Mmmh, Granger, mumbled Draco"
"Yes Draco?"
"I was wondering if you could train me?"
"Think about it Draco. Think about the consequences. I didn't have a choice in the matter. But you, you can pursue every career you may want. Think really hard about it, and if you still want to become a courtesan, come to me. I think you have the potential to become one."
"What is there to think? Sex, money and influence on the most powerful people of our world. You can count me in."
{Just like is father}
[What?]
{Oh, nothing.}
"As you wish Draco. Present yourself at my apartment in two days. We will begin your training at that time.
Sirius pursued his speech: "Now, Ginny. You little bitch for trying to force Harry to sleep with you and having is child to steal all is money, I give you one knut. Furthermore, I posted an ad in the Prophet saying you are spreading your legs for free. The ad will be reprinted every two months with improvements. The first one will be like something like this: I, Ginny Weasley, love sex. I will do it for free with everyone who wants it. I say a lot the word 'no', but read between the lines and the word 'yes' will appear.
The second one will be like this. I, Ginny Weasley, love rough sex. I will do it for free with everyone who wants it… I hope you see the pattern here.
Oh and if you try to disappear or try to use an alias, your location and current name will figure in the ad. I put indissoluble tracking and compulsion spells on you. Enjoy your next year."
"NOOOO, cried Ginny. I don't want to be a whore!"
{So clever!}
[I think so, too.]
"Don't worry Ginevra, I will put you under the fidelius charm and I will be the secret keeper, said Dumbledore. It will stop the effects of the tracking spells. We will work on the compulsion spells after you are in safety.
Sirius added, "Oh, if the old pervert named as Dumbledore is luring you in believing that you can hide under the fidelius charm, he is right. But it's only for enjoying your charms in private. He likes young girls."
{Argh! My mind! I'm scarred!}
[Stop being a drama queen. But sure, it's more than disturbing.]
"Harry, help me."
"After trying to trap me with a baby? Not even in your dreams. You knew that the most important thing for me is the family."
{Interesting.}
[What?]
{Nothing. I'm talking to myself}
[You know that it's the first sign of insanity. Oh wait, you are insane!]
At that Ginny turned to Hermione. "Hermione, help me."
"Help you in what? You betrayed Harry and you slept with nearly every boys of the Gryffindor house. Futhermore, you BITCH, you don't have an inkling of how to be a courtesan, unlike dear Draco here. You are just a cheap little trollop and you may pursue a career as one."
{Nice one.}
[I agree.]
"But it isn't my fault! Dumbledore asked me to do it!"
"Shut up, you stupid bitch! You will pay for that comment, snarled Dumbledore"
"Now Molly. For being a bitch to me, pushing your daughter to spread her legs and for remembering me of my mother I award you the heads of the former houselves of the House of Black."
{Ah, ah, ah! Excellent!}
"Arthur and Ron, for being enjoyable and gullible fools I give you 100 000 galleons each. But, you are forbidden to give your money to the old goat and the minimum to provide a descent life to Molly and Ginny.
Arthur, I bought you a trip in of one year around the muggle world.
Ron, as you are a genius in tactics, I enlisted you in an apprenticeship as a quidditch manager. You start next term. Enjoy your life, man."
"So now, Dumbledore, how did you like that? No more Bella, nor Ginny, nor Hermione, nor Harry.
I will you a knut and the knowledge that the goblins will send the copy of this will and of all the evidences to Fudge and Amelia Bones.
Enjoy your retirement!"
{Enjoy your retirement. That's so laughable! I didn't laugh like this since a long time. Too bad Black disappeared.}
[It's your fault that he isn't here, you failure of a dark lord!]
{WHAT DID YOU SAY?}
[Oh, will you shut up. The will is ending.]
"Now Harry, I will you all my fortune and possessions that were not mentioned before. You are the richest pureblood in existence. I know it doesn't change the fact that I'm not with you, but I will rid you of Dumbledore.
If you haven't asked for your emancipation I filled the form for you. Now you are free. Enjoy your life. You don't have to fight if you don't want. Let the wizarding world fight for itself. Go see the world. I love you pup."
At that the goblin said: "The will is finished. Mrs Tonks, what is your decision?"
The two women looks at each other and said in unison: "We swear on our magic to revoke every links and ties to the man named Albus (insert here multiples names) Dumbledore."
"One by one, please, come sign the will and then you may leave. Lord Potter-Black first, Mr Dumbledore last. For information, every statement of Lord Black have been acted upon during the will. Mr Potter if you would come up and sign the papers."
At that, the will ended.
{So now, that I've seen the will, I have two questions.}
[Yes.]
{When would Dumbledore be sacked and destroyed?}
[My guess is as good as yours.]
{Ok, here come the second one, and the most important one. Will you give me your address?}
[Will you torture me?]
{Do you really think that my pet will let me harm you in any way?}
[She's grinning at your statement. I'm a little bit scared here.
After conferring with Mom, she said she could bring me to you.]
{When}
[When she sees fit.]
{That stupid snake! She will suffer when I put my hands on her!}
[The grin is wider…]