In Kyon's Shoes 2
It's been about a month since I started school here in Japan, and the early morning hikes have started to feel like a bad escort mission. Then something hit me, something that felt like one of Tennessee's worse tornadoes, which sent my new life in Japan into overdrive.
Now my new life has officially begun, thanks to the eccentric Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Good morning," a slightly familiar voice came from behind me. "I just forgot, I had class duties early this morning, see you in class," I tried to avoid eye contact with Ryoko Asakura as she ran past me. It's no surprise that a girl like her is in my class. I always seem to get stuck with the people who are most likely to shun me, so why did she go out of her way to talk to me?... or at least... in my general direction.
It seems that all the people who I consider friends end up far away from me in school, so why was Haruhi in my calss? Wait, did I just say Haruhi, that pony-tailed Diablo, was my friend?
"So, Isaac," speak of the devil, "can you think of anything else we'll need?"
"Wha-" I tried to ask what she was talking about.
"I wanna get my hands on a mysterious transfer student," Haruhi stated before I could question her meaning.
"Wrong thoughts!" I quietly exclaimed. Thanks to my friends back in America, I always seem to warp phrases like that into inappropriate statements.
"You're such a westerner!" Haruhi shouted at me. "You know I meant for the SOS Brigade! I think we need a mysterious transfer student."
I'm sure Taniguchi would have said the same thing, but I wouldn't say that out loud. "I get it, anyone who transfers into school after spring break... er, Golden Week... is mysterious, correct?"
"Close enough," Haruhi retorted with a slight scoul. What did I do? "I wonder if we'll get anything like that? A mysterious transfer student..."
Apparently, there's a rumor floating around saying that Haruhi and I are up to something. Being me, I just went with it, but Taniguchi just had to bring it up during lunch.
"So, what you and Suzumiya up to? You're no dating are you?" The annoying perv said in his broken English.
"I certainly hope not," I said in a worried tone, "because that'd mean I'm completely oblivious. If we are dating, I'd like to know who forgot to tell me. As to your first question, I'm still not sure what we're doing. I guess I'll always be the last to know."
Kunikida said something in Japanese. All I could understand was the word 'American'. Both boys then started laughing histerically. I really need to learn more Japanese.
"Just do nothing stupid," Taniguchi continued, regaining what little composure he had, "I not know how westerner do thinkgs, but here, you mess up school, you as good as death." Though the horrid grammar made me wince, I understood this last statement loud and clear.
Whatever Haruhi and I are up to, at least I know I won't be alone. It looks like Mikuru and Yuki will be going down with me. Dammit! I just thought like a westerner again!
Ever since the SOS Brigade's creation, the clubroom has been gathering... things... I bet Haruhi plans to host some sort of party when we hit one hundred members. Until that happens, none of these "things" appear as though they'll ever be used.
"We need a computer," Haruhi spontaneously said one random afternoon in the clubroom. "We're living in the information age and we don't even have a computer. I can't forgive them!"
"Ah, the computer, yet another piece of American ingenuity," I knew Haruhi wasn't listening, but I had the urge to say it anyways. "So, do you plan to rob the computer club?"
" 'Rob' is such a strong word," Haruhi said, turning to me. "Let's use the word 'take' for now." Oh, that makes me feel much better.
I watched as Haruhi grabbed a disposable camera from one of the shelves and then grabbed Mikuru Asahina by the hand and dragged her out of the room. Okay, If Mikuru is involved, I'm coming, too. Don't even try to stop me, Haruhi!
I followed Haruhi to the computer club's room as she dragged the terrified Mikuru along behind her.
"Hi, everyone!" Haruhi shouted in Japanese as she burst through the door to the computer room. She then continued on in Japanese. Something about a computer, I'm guessing.
A tawny-haired kid at the opposite end of the room then raised his hand and said "I am" in Japanese. The conversation continued as Haruhi pointed to Mikuru and I in turn explaining that Mikuru is the first and I am the second... whatever that means... Haruhi then leaned in close to the computer nerd and restated her earlier demand with a large grin. The guy then loudly objected which caused Haruhi to smirk evilly.
The sight that followed was what I would characterize as "strangely American." Haruhi grabbed the geek's wrist and wrapped her arm around Mikuru's waist. With her two targets in her grasp, Haruhi then forced the boy's hand directly onto Mikuru's breast. I was taken aback to say the least.
Haruhi then quickly drew the camera and snapped a short series of pictures of the scene. This scene made me think about what Haruhi had said about Mikuru being the first and me being the second. A disturbing thought then came to my mind. Luckily I was brought out of my horrid thoughts by Haruhi knocking the nerd out of his seat and onto the floor on top of Mikuru.
"Tisk tisk tisk," Haruhi said, smiling. She then continued in Japanese as she explained the situation. I'm not sure what was going on, but I could assume that it was blackmail. The guy on the floor then gestured to his fellow nerds who followed this gesture with a series of shouts at Haruhi. Haruhi explained something with a smile. Oh why did I make it my objective in seventh grade to memorize every Japanese curse?
The victim, still on the ground looked to me and asked something in Japanese.
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese," I explained.
"You tell someone right?" The poor guy was relying on me? I was one of Haruhi's cronies, why ask me to vouch for him.
"Sorry, but from the way I see it, you are the only one to blame," did I just say that? "I suggest you do as Haruhi says."
I then found myself lugging a PC all the way back to the club room. I'm not an Apple person or anything, but why does Microsoft have to make the computer and monitor separate?
After this, Haruhi used her pre-recorded blackmail to further force the nerds of the computer club to wire the SOS Brigade room for Internet use. I was then forced to use this new connection to create a website for the SOS Brigade. Thanks to my previous knowledge of web design and programming, along with the pre-installed software, this only took about an hour and a half.
At the end of my brief moment of creativity, I looked up and noticed that Mikuru had not returned to the room. I walked back to the computer room and found her curled up on the floor.
I've never succeeded in talking to girls, ever. I can't believe I tried anyway.
"Miss Asahina, perhaps you shouldn't be part of this," I said semi-calmly. "I mean... uh... who knows what else Haruhi might do? She's almost as crazy as me" Oh, Isaac, you'd be such a lady-killer, if only women had the ability to die from bad jokes...
"It's okay..." she said weakly, "but you stay too, right?" Now why the hell would such a beautiful ask such a question to an ugly foreign troll? "I guess the probably of this happening here on time plane is tall... er... high. I worry about why Nagato here as well..."
"I'm tempted to ask what you mean, but I'm afraid of the consequences," I stated with my normal air of weirdness. How is it that I'm already this comfortable talking to such a girl?
"Oh, I sorry, I was babbling," Mikuru said innocently. "I'm sure I get used to you al in... time..." What a strange word to put emphasis on... "By the way, you not have to be so formal. Please call me Mikuru."
The next day I got to the clubroom and sat in my usual seat.
"What are you doing?" Haruhi shouted at me as she saw me working on my homework at the table. "You're supposed to be working on the website!"
"I thought I finished it yesterday," I said as innocently as an American with a deep voice can be.
"There is no way you finished that website in that amount of time!" She stormed over to the computer and looked at the website I had made. "Huh... I guess you did finish the website... so what are tou gonna do while I look for new members?"
"I could always help you look," I suggested.
"Don't be stupid, Isaac. Americans are as blind as bats. You couldn't find an alien if it walked up to you and said 'hi,'" she retorted. What she doesn't know is that I am no ordinary American. Not only am I an artist but I am also a(n) *classified information*.
So I spent yet another afternoon in the clubroom just doing my homework. At about five, Haruhi burst in and shouted, "dismissed," before running away again.
As I stood up to leave, Yuki shoved her book towards me. "Here," she said in her monotonous voice, "read it." I looked down at the cover and saw what I suspect was the word DUNE in Japanese. I looked up at her face before responding.
"I'm sorry, I can't read Japanese."
"Look again," she said, pushing the book a little closer. I looked down and saw the familiar cover of one of my favorite science fiction novels... in English... I could've sworn I just saw the title there in Japanese. I took the book and watched Yuki leave the room before exiting myself.
Usually I like to know about the obstacles ahead before I start anything (that's probably the reason I suck at first-person shooters), so why is it that I'm still part of this stupid Brigade? Why do I eagerly commute to the clubroom every day? I hope it's just because I like a quiet place to work.
When I get to the clubroom, both Mikuru and Yuki are in their usual seats. I guess they're asking themselves the same questions as I am... or at least Mikuru is. I think Yuki herself thinks that she comes with the room.
"Where Miss Suzumiya?" Mikuru asked as I sat down.
"Probably 'taking' more equipment," I said nonchalantly.
"Will I have do something like yesterday?" she asked nervously. I certainly hope so! But I wouldn't say that out loud.
"I'll try not to let that happen," I calmly said, "but no promises. I mean, Haruhi scares me more than... oh, wait, you won't get that reference..." I was about to say "a Level 80 Elite Tauren Chieften." Yeah, it's okay to laugh.
Mikuru smiled weakly and said, "I guess that means I'm counting on you, then."
Oh, wonderful, I'm being counted on by a girl who I can't make eye-contact with... I can only imagine the number of ways this could go wrong.
"Yahooooo!" Haruhi shouted in excitement as the burst through the door. Haven't heard that word since I started my email account. Haruhi then put some bags on the table and turned to lock the door, her short ponytail flying behind her. This won't be good...
"First, take a look at this," Haruhi said as the handed me a piece of paper. It was a flier announcing the SOS Brigade. Haruhi had taken the liberty of making a copy with the English translation under the Japanese. I didn't really want to read it right now, so I put it on the table.
"Who are we going to blackmail today?" I asked in a half-excited tone.
Haruhi ignored my comment/question as she went back over to the bags. "And now for this," Haruhi said as the pulled something out of one bag, "ta-daaaa! We're going to be passing out fliers at the front gate wearing these."
"Please tell me I'm not involved," I said as I felt my eyes contract into the depths of my skull to avoid seeing what came next.
"No, you idiot," Haruhi retorted, "Me and Mikuru. We're going to be bunny girls!"
"First of all," I shot back at her, "It's 'Mikuru and I.' Second, You can't do that without breaking laws through some form of technicality. Last, why is it that Mikuru has to do all this stuff; why can't you do it yourself?" Probably the biggest mistake I've made yet...
"If you don't like it, feel free to leave the room," Haruhi shouted as she forcefully pushed me into the hall. "Besides, we need to change."
I could hear Mikuru screaming inside the clubroom as I, dare I say it, eagerly awaited the result of this metamorphosis. When the door finally opened, I could feel my face heat up as blood rushed to two parts of my body.
"So, you think we'll attract attention now?" Haruhi asked as she caught me trying to focus on her face.
"Attention comes in all shapes and sizes, I'm hoping it only comes in the form of students," I said in my semi-philosophical voice. Haruhi then grabbed Mikuru by the hand and dragged her away. She's like the Overmind. Which makes us the cerebrates, I guess.
Upon reentering the room, I noticed that Yuki was pointing at something. I looked down and realized that Haruhi had left her and Mikuru's clothes all over the floor. Am I expected to clean this up? My luck seems to be taking a turn... is it for the better or for worse?
Once I finished picking up the discarded garments, I decided to watch Haruhi and Mikuru through the window in the back of the room. What I saw could only be described as a bad comedy sketch. Haruhi was shouting, screaming rather, at the people who were passing by while trying to hand them fliers. Mikuru was holding her arms close to her chest and hesitantly pointing fliers in the general directions of passers-by. After about ten minutes, a group of teachers ran out to drag Haruhi and Mikuru to the principal's office. This is probably the kind of comedy that got the Flying Circus off the air.
"I can't believe it! Those stupid teachers are always butting in," Haruhi snarled as she entered the clubroom.
"It was the same in America. I've never met a teacher who was willing to let me do whatever I wanted," I find that agreeing is the best way to get on someone's good side. Big surprise, right?
"We didn't even get to pass out half our fliers!" Haruhi continued to rant. Does she even care that she may have just traumatized Mikuru? I don't even think she's aware of it. "That's it for today. Dismissed!" I abruptly turned around as I noticed she was undressing. Keeping my back turned, I picked up my stuff and quickly exited the room.
By the next day, Haruhi had become as infamous as the devil himself. It only got worse when Taniguchi found his way to my desk.
"Look like you're official one of Haruhi's thugs."
"Shut up," I said, looking out the window. The main problem about this isn't that Haruhi is infamous, but that she's taking Mikuru and me down, too.
"I can't believe what I see yesterday," Kunikida needs to work on his past tense verbs. "Two bunny girl stand at the school gate hands out fliers. The girl in red is Mikuru, right?" His English seems to break a little more every day.
"Now everybody talk about you," Taniguchi said with a smug smile. None too reassuring, buddy.
"What exactly is this 'SOS Brigade'?" Ryoko Asakura asked as she walked over to us.
"If I knew, I'm sure I wouldn't like it," I said flatly. Once again, I avoided eye contact.
"It looks like you guys are having a lot of fun, but yesterday's stunt were a little overboard," oh great, now her English is breaking. Do these people even take English classes anymore?
I came to the clubroom and noticed the absence of a certain cerebrate. Mikuru wasn't there.
"I can't believe it," Haruhi said. "Not even a single email even after all that publicity!" I'm guessing that the only emails we get will be requests to see pictures of Mikuru. Maybe I should send an email just to lighten Haruhi's mood.
"Wait," Haruhi interrupted my plotting, "where's Mukuru? Didn't she come to school today?" Apparently not, I've gotten used to strange absences at school. "I even got her a new outfit."
"Why not wear it yourself?" I said, trying not to let my enthusiasm show. "Wouldn't it have the same effect either way?"
Her response was the finger.
A few minutes later, another outburst from Haruhi. "Oh, what is it with these people? Are they holding out on me? Keeping their mysteries to themselves..."
After another hour or so of us doing what we do every day, which is absolutely nothing, Haruhi stood up and left. I decided it was a good idea to leave too.
"Did you read it?" I heard Nagato ask from her seat.
"Actually, I've already read Dune," I replied sheepishly, "should I return the book?"
"Non necesse est," she replied in fluent Latin. Latin? How would she know that I'd understand Latin? "Reread it, tonight." She said. I just mumbled an "ok" and left.
Since I had read this book twice before, I skimmed through the first few sections before getting to the important parts. The Fremen warriors had just popped out of the sand and attacked the Harkonnen. I, being a clumsy idiot, dropped the book at the most exciting part. When I picked it up, I noticed a bookmark sticking out of the top.
Written on the bookmark was a message that said 'meet me at the train station' in clear English.
When I got to the station, I saw Yuki sitting on one of the benches. I wonder, was she here yesterday, too?
"Hey, Nagato," I tried to be as formal as was possible for someone from the southern states. "So, why meet here?"
"Follow me," she replied as she walked towards an apartment complex. Dirty thoughts be gone!
When we got to her apartment, I noticed that there was no other sign of life.
"Do you live by yourself?" I asked, remembering all those shows I watched where characters' parents work overseas.
"Yes," she responded immediately.
"So, what did you want to see me about?" I asked hesitantly.
She pushed a cup of tea towards me and told me to drink. After I finished off the tea, she refilled the cup. This series of events repeated itself four or five times. Why was I cursed to be a bottomless pit?
"Not that I'm uncomfortable or anything," I'm a terrible liar when I'm full of hot water, "but would you mind telling me why I'm here?"
"It's about Haruhi Suzumiya," Yuki began quickly, "and in addition, it is about myself. That is what I would like to talk abou."
"Okay, Haruhi and you... in what way?" I asked tentatively.
"It is difficult to find the words, there might be discrepancy's in the transfer of data." Suddenly the image of my eight grade programming class come to mind. "However, please listen. Haruhi Suzumiya and I are not ordinary humans." At this, I placed my left forefinger and thumb on my chin and supported my left elbow with my right hand. This was a gesture I had adopted from one of my favorite video games... but I guess that's not important right now.
"Elaborate," I said with intrigue.
"I mean that she and I are not the same as ordinary human beings. Beings such as your friends Taniguchi and Kunikida. I have been created by the Data Integration Thought Entity that supervises this galaxy. I am a humanoid interface designed to make contact with organisms such as yourself. Do you understand?"
I switched my position so that my chin was in my right hand. "I think I do, but more information would be helpful."
"To use a common term, I believe I would be called an 'alien,' though I am not sure how accurate this is when used around one from another country," She replied in her still stable monotone.
An alien... hmmm... I wonder if she knows?