When I think about you and me
I get a little weak in the kness
I feel the flutter of a butterfly
Sometimes I can hardly breathe
So baby... (Baby)
Hold me now (Hold me, Hold me now)
I can't tell if I am lost or found ('Cause I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wakeup, wake up)
And I don't know how to let you in (Don't know, Don't know)
Or let you go, I'm so vulnerable
Hold me now (Hold me)
Please baby don't let me go ('Cause I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wakeup)
I know for sure that you're the cure
(Coming down with a case of 'I love you more', I don't want to be vunerable)
When it comes to this book of us
I think it's time now to turn the page
But I don't want to say I love you first
But my heart it can't hardly wait
So baby... (Baby)
Hold me now (Hold me, Hold me now)
I can't tell if I am lost or found ('Cause I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wakeup, wakeup)
And I don't know how to let you in (Don't know, Don't know)
Or let you go, I'm so vulnerable
Hold me now (Hold me)
Please baby don't let me go ('Cause I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wakeup)
I know for sure that you're the cure
(Coming down with a case of 'I love you more', I don't want to be vunerable)
I don't want to see you hurt
Don't you worry baby girl
Take my hand, understand I'm afraid
To tell you the very worst that you want to hear me say (Wake up)
When you say it here tonight
Will you mean it for life
Will you tell me everything that your heart is really feeling for me?
So I, (So I)
Won't be...
(Vulnerable)
('Cause I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wakeup, wake up)
And I don't know how to let you in (Don't know, Don't know)
Or let you go, I'm so vulnerable
Hold me now (Hold me)
Please baby don't let me go ('Cause I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wakeup)
I know for sure that you're the cure
(Coming down with a case of 'I love you more', I don't want to be vunerable)
Vulnerable-Vanessa Hudgens ft. Rock Mafia
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
That's when It felt like my whole world had crashed over and over again.
I saw Troy jump off the bed, and scratched his neck nervously. "I'm sorry, I should have knocked"
"No, Its okay Gabriella" Tenley said sweetly fixing her shirt and I frowned.
"No, I'm sorry. I got to go" I ran out of the room and ran into my room and slammed the door. I sunk to the ground and buried my face into hands. I soon started to feel a wet a liquid fall down my face. This is what I get for letting people get to my emotions. Did I actually think that Troy might actually like me? I'm so stupid! Nobody will ever love, me. My mom doesn't love me, she only cares about her marriage, My Dad didn't love me, that's why he decided to leave the earth. Lucille and Jack don't love me they're only doing Maria a favor, and Troy don't love me because I'm a hideous, Suicidal, helpless person.
June 29: Gives You Hell
I laid there in my bed, not wanting to move or leave. I wondered if Sharpay, Taylor and all of them had left already. I just wanted to stay in the bed and die slowly. I ignored the knocks on my door, and turned the other way in fetal position and clung unto the cold satin sheets.
June 30: I want to know?
Dad didn't you love me? Why didn't you tell me you had cancer? But Why Dad did you leave here where I'm just suffering? Why cant you come back to me? Are you in heaven? Are you an Angel? Can my savior? Can you save me from this pain I been receiving? Are you watching over me? Are you watching over Maria? Are, you ever going to come back?
July 1: I stood, stayed in my room laying down in my bed not wanting to move? I still ignored everyone who tried to call me name. Or I would tell Lucille that I'm sleep? I didn't want to go back out in the world? Finally, there was another knock at the door, erasing my thoughts!
"Go Away" I answered hoarsely
"Gabriella, Its Lucille. You have been stuck in this room for three whole days straight. Its time you come out now, this instance. Before you die of starvation or whatever. Just open the door"
"No! Leave me alone" I replied and turned back the other way looking out of the window
"Gabriella Marie Elizabeth Montez. I do not know what happened after you went out with Troy and his friends. But cant you just talk to me"
I finally sighed and jumped off the bed. I opened the door, and walked back to the bed.
Lucille walked over to me, and sat on the edge of my bed. "Gabriella, hunny? What happened?"
"Nothing happened. I just been very sleepy"
"Gabriella, don't lie to me"
"Seriously Lucy, I just been very sleepy"
"Well wont you come down to eat lunch, because I know you're hungry"
"Alright" I sighed
"Well there's someone who wants to talk to you. So hurry up and come down stairs"
I just felt going back in my bed and lying there all week again. I wrapped the towel around my body as I hopped out of the shower. I walked into my room and sat down at the edge of the bed. I looked over towards the balcony, and I got up walked towards It still with the towel wrapped around my body. I opened the doors, and stood out on the balcony and watched. Cold shivers, ran down my spine as the cold air, connected the water dripping down on my body. For some reason, It felt so relaxing, on a Tuesday morning. Sounds of Birds chirping, and children were out playing in their backyards. I could see Lucille in the garden sitting down peacefully reading her book. I looked over to see a shirtless Troy throwing the ball in the hoop and bounced against the rim not making It when I heard him mumble FUCK. It seems like he had a lot on his mind, because I'm pretty sure he always made the basket. He was East High's Golden Boy! He picked up the ball again and threw into the basket and made It. I giggled then stopped when I saw him look up and smile. I waved a little and backed up because I was wrapped in a towel. I jumped back and walked backwards off the balcony. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying their Tuesdays or their lives. Why couldn't I?
I walked down the stairs, and into the kitchen. I saw a plate with a sandwich and a blueberry muffin sitting there with a white paper with "Gabriella" written in cursive. I picked up the muffin and slowly started eat It when I heard the backdoor, opening and Troy walked in. He was downing a bottle of water, and was sweating like hell. The Sun that had peeked in, from the windows were shining in, making his abs glisten. He looked as if he was a sculpted figure. He sat down at the end of the island, downing the water, as I pretended to be focused on the muffin, when he broke the silence.
"Are you mad at me? Are you okay" He questioned and I looked up and frowned
"I'm fine and no I'm not mad at you. Why do you ask?"
"Well Maybe, nobody has seen you out of your room for three whole days after you caught Ten and I kissing?
"I'm fine and I have just been very sleepy. And you and Tenley are perfect for each other. She's the gorgeous cheerleader and you're the popular boy in school. She talked to me about It"
"She talked you about what?"
"Oh, never mind. Its nothing"
"No what?"
"At the beach, when I went to the restroom. She came in too and she explained me the you guys past and how she wanted you back and she asked me if I had feelings for you"
"She what?"
"But I told her, that I have no feelings for you in that way and never did"
"Oh" He sounded disappointed and awkward silence began
"Soooo, are you and Tenley a couple again"
"No, not yet. At least I think, told I have to think about but then she kissed me and you walked in on us so yeah"
"Oh" I said, feeling relived
"There someone I want you to meet, she's a very special person in my life"
"Who?" Another Girl? Is he really a player?
"Just wait" He said running up the stairs and I sighed.
15 minutes later, I sat down in the chair, reading a magazine. When Troy came back down the stairs, he was wearing a black and white checkered buttoned shirt, and some beige khaki shorts. He his hair was wet and spiky just the way I loved It.
"Come on" He said grabbing my hand and leading me outside the door. He smelled so good like a mixture of cologne and vanilla. I got into the car and sighed. Finally, he pulled up to a place and I frowned. Albuquerque's Children Hospital.
Why are we at a hospital? What The fuck? I hate hospitals?
I opened the door, and hopped out his truck and frowned. When Troy came over and grabbed my hand!
"Why are we at the hospital?"
"You'll see, Just wait?"
We walked in and up to the receptionist. "Hey Becca" Troy said getting the attention of the blonde petite lady and she looked up through her glasses and smiled
"Hey, Troy. Here to see Elizabeth"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, then go right in" She said smiling and turned her attention back to the magazine she was reading?
"Oh and Rebecca this is Gabriella" Troy said and she stood up and smiled reached his hand and I shook It
"Nice meeting you Gabriella. I'm Rebecca"
"Gabriella Montez"
Troy walked into the room and a small little girl with blonde hair ran up to Troy and hugged him.
"Troy!"
"Elizabeth" He laughed and she pulled away and looked up at me.
"Troy, who is this. She's pretty"
"Elizabeth, this is my friend Gabriella. Gabriella, this is Elizabeth"
"Hi, I'm Elizabeth, You're very pretty"
"Aww, thank you. Elizabeth, So are you. I'm Gabriella" I giggled when she laughed.
"Look, Troy I want to draw you a drawing"
"Ok, Liz . Where's your aunt"
"Over There"
Troy walked over to a blonde hair, she had long blonde hair, and forest green eyes. She looked identical to Elizabeth. "Hey Alyssa"
"Hey Troy" She said giving him a hug and she looked at me and smiled
"Whose This, Your Girlfriend?"
"Um, she's my friend. She's staying with me and family for the summer"
"Oh, she's pretty"
"Hi, I'm Alyssa, Elizabeth's Aunt"
"Gabriella Montez" I smiled and looked back over at Elizabeth who was stuck her tongue out to the side of the left side of her mouth. as she concentrated on her drawing. I wondered what was wrong with the sweet and beautiful little girl.
"How, is Elizabeth doing so far. What did the doctors say"
"Not Good, Troy they said the Leukemia is spreading. And she went through with Chemo Therapy and they're wondering why she hasn't lost any of her hair. The say now she's has an 10% percent chance she might not survive" Alyssa cried
"What if my baby doesn't make It, she's all I got" I stated to feel my eyes water, as I heard Elizabeth's heartbreaking story.
"Its okay, Aly, You're a strong woman and Elizabeth is a strong girl. She'll make It" Troy said hugging her and I couldn't help to walk over to Elizabeth letting them be alone.
"Hi Elizabeth" I said and Elizabeth looked up and smiled brightly.
"Hi Gabriella"
"What to see my drawing" She said and I took the paper and smiled
The three people were drawn were Troy, Alyssa and Me?
Is That Me? Being so oblivious to that fact Gabriella was written above the person.
"Yeah."
"Aww, that's so sweet?"
"Where your mommy and daddy on here?"
"Um, Mommy and Daddy are gone?" She sadly told me and gnawed down at my lip not knowing what else to say
"You know, My Daddy is gone too"
"Like In Heaven" She said excitedly, he blue eyes glistening with happiness
"Yeah, I bet you're parents are looking over you, making sure you're okay"
When she was about to say something again, we looked up to see Troy and Alyssa standing there. They were listening to our conversation the whole time and they both smiled.
"Well, It looks like Gabriella and I have to go now"
"Noo, Troy don't leave"
"I will come back, Liz! I always will. Remember that" He smiled before kneeing down and hugging her.
"Bye Troy"
"Bye Gabriella"Troy grabbed my hand and walked towards the exit. "So how did you meet Elizabeth"
"Well I met her two years ago when I was 16, It was for an project at school. But soon after, I fell in love her and continued to visit her. She's like the sister, I never had"
"Troy, where are you taking me. This is not how you get home""It Is An Secret"
"Are you trying to kill me?" He laughed and continued driving
"Help! He's kidnapping me" I banged on the window and he laughed
"Calm down, Doll face, were almost there"
"Were in the freaking mountains, Troy"
"Were not in the mountains"
Finally, he stop and parked. I hopped out of the car, when I came face to face with a beautiful big lake.
"O-M-G This Rocks" I said hearing Troy chuckle behind me and I turned around to see him carrying a brown picnic basket and I frowned.
"Where are you going?" I asked, watching him walk over to the lake and hopped unto the blue boat
"Um, Troy?"
"Come here, Come on"
"Um, Okay"
I walked over to the boat and saw that It was kind of high for me to get into when Troy got out and picked me up bridal style. He wrapped his arms securely around me and tight then got into the boat.
"Um, Thanks" I said staring out into the view of the lake
"Its my dad's boat, he likes to sail and whatever when he's not coaching or whatever. You see that cabin over there, that belongs to my family. This whole area does, it's a long story"
"Right"
"Want a cookie" He said breaking the cookie in half he had in his hand and handing it too me
"Oh, No! I'm a allergic to cinnamon"
"Really?"
"Yeah, My Mom excuse me Maria baked me cookies when was I was 8 with cinnamon, and I ate it and I had to be rushed to the hospital for difficulty of breathing"
"Ouch"
"Yeah, pretty much"
"You sound like, you had a good relationship with your mom""Actually, I don't. She doesn't care anything except her dumb marriages, like they're ever going to work with her still clinging unto my dad's memory. She still sleeps with my dad's old shirt. She said she keeps washing It but the smell of a combination of vanilla, sugar and Axe body-wash stays there, and she says It comforts her"
"Well, think about she vowed to spend the rest of her life, and grow old with him and his death was so soon. He was the love of her life, well that's my mom told me"
"I think my mom never loved my dad, she wouldn't been married for the last a million times"
"Well maybe she doesn't want to feel alone. It has been 11 years, Gabriella"
"You're totally taking her side"
"I'm not taking anyone sides, Gabriella. I'm just saying, just think if you were in her shoes"
"That's the same thing, your mom said"
"Great Mind Think Alike"
"God" I said frustrated running a hand through my tangled curls
"Okay, well there's something I want to tell you" He said reaching into his back pocket and pulling out my notebook
"How did you get this? Did you open It?"
"Well you dropped It when you ran out of my room after finding Tenley and I kissing"
"And Yes, I did read It"
"And what is up with this, To Do Before I die List. Do you really want to die that much"
"I cant believe you invaded my privacy and read my notebook. Unbelievable"
"Well, I couldn't help It, I was curious and read it I was totally bewildered. Why would you want to do something like that. Suffocation, Self Immolation, Hanging?"
He said grabbing the notebook out my hand and holding It up in the air
"Its My Life, My choice, Troy"
"Think about this, you have your whole life still ahead of you. Think about Lizzy, you think she's want to die, she's only 7 years old, in the hospital suffering with Leukemia and she doesn't want to die, I think she rather to fight for her life"
That's when I got quiet and gnawed down at lip guilty.
"Why Do You Care So Much?"
"Because I just do" All of sudden I stepped and that's when I fell straight into the lake
"BOLTON"
"I'm sorry, Its just so funny. Its not my fault you were standing on the edge on the boat"
"Help Me"
"Okay, okay hold on" He held out his hand when I pulled him right into the water too
"What the hell" He yelled and I started giggling uncontrollably
"Its not funny, stop laughing"
"I'm sorry, you're face so priceless"
"Stop laughing, Its not funny" He chucked, shaking his hair
"Seriously, stop laughing" He said when I realized his face was to inches away from mines. I shivered at the warmness of his breath, against my face.
"You want to kiss me" I whispered and he smiled
"Hell yeah, I do" He pressed his nose against mines and forehead then when his lips touched the tip of mine the spark of electricity sparked us.
"Ow" We both in unison
I wrapped my hands around his neck as his arms slipped around my waist under the water. It was so perfect how, we fit together so perfect, we fit together as if we were meant. I stared into his eyes, I could believe how blue they were, It was like the sun had bounced of the lake and reflected on his eyes.
He leaned closer and his lips touched mine and I pulled back.
"Is this right?"
"Yes, because It feels so right?" He whispered softly sending shivers crawling
"I cant do this, can we go home" He said unwrapping my from around his neck and climbing back unto the boat
"Wait, what?" He said climbing back into the boat
"We should go home" I said hopping off the other side of the boat and heading towards the car
The whole car ride, I wiped the sides of my eyes. Troy cant staring at me through the mirror and I continued to stare out the window. Finally, he broke the silence and said
"Can we talk about this?"
"No" I said and he looked back at the road and frowned
"Just Give Me My Notebook back!" I said snatching It away from the dashboard of the car when the sharp end of the paper sliced away my fingers.
"Shit"
"Are you okay" I pressed my fingers to my forehead, with throbbing pain
"My fingers"
"Here" He said pulling over the car to the side of the road, going into the basket and taking out a box of bandages and taking out a few
"My Mom takes first aid everywhere" He said before wrapping the bandages around my fingers
I looked down at the Black and Yellow Superman bandages and giggled.
"Superman?" I questioned
"Hey don't hate on the man, and they were the only ones at the store. But at least, I got to here that beautiful giggle"
I rolled my eyes, playfully and pressed my other fingers against the pads of the bandage, wincing
"Paper cuts are a Bitch, huh"
"Yeah"
"So now, can we talk about this?"
"Okay, okay"
"Well you know that crush I said I had on you when we were little kids and I said that it was gone. I lied, I guess I never got over It"
"Um, Can we just go home? Please Troy, I cant talk about this?"
He gnawed at the bottom of his lips and nodded not pushing the conversation further before continuing to driving.
I'm afraid of love! Stupid, Stupid Gabriella. I told myself not to get to attached to anyone. Only two more months of summer left, two more months till I just want to end it all…I Couldn't bring myself to fully kiss those lips that felt just like the inside of a rose…I cant bring myself to love anyone. I just cant..