Chapter 13: Bittersweet
Rhoda walked into her apartment. A month had passed since she had returned to New York. A steady job, no husband and a baby on the way. It was better than she thought it was going to be. At this point she had thought that she would feel more lonely, or more depressed, but she wasn't all that depressed. As long as she didn't think about Joe, she was fine.
Her purse on the counter, coat over the chair and shoes at the door. The same routine that she had gone through everyday now. It was all starting to get very repetitive. She didn't know whether or not that was a good or bad thing, but she was certainly getting used to being the only one there.
"Hey Rhoda," Brenda said as she knocked on the door.
"Come in," Rhoda called out from the couch.
Brenda walked in. Right from the start she could see that something was wrong, but didn't say anything. "Hey Rho. I got the mail for you today."
"Thanks Bren. Just leave it on the counter there could ya?"
Brenda closed the door behind her and hesitated to make a move. "Don't you think you should see what you got? I mean the mail man went through all the trouble to bring it here and then I went a head and brought it all the way up here."
"I figure if I don't see the bills in there I can claim that they got lost in the mail and I won't have to pay them." She watched as Brenda stood there for a minute. "Is there something I should know about in there?"
"You got something from Joe," she finally admitted.
Rhoda stood up. "Yeah?" she asked as she walked over and grabbed the big orange envelope from the top of the pile. Considering how things went the last time that they had talked to each other, she wasn't expecting to hear from him again. She nervously looked up to Brenda. "You don't think its the divorce papers do ya?"
"How should I know? I've never gotten any sent to me."
They both stood there and stared at the envelope. Rhoda slowly began to tear the seal and ripped it open. "Here goes nothing," she said expecting the worst. She pulled out the papers and handed the empty envelope to Brenda.
Rhoda took the papers and looked them over. Pacing towards the other side of the room, her eyes widened in shock. Skimming through the papers, her eyes began to water.
"Rhoda?" Brenda asked. Rhoda's back was to her, and she was beginning to wonder what was happening.
Rhoda turned to face her. "He's dying." She looked back down and flipped through a couple of the pages. "I can't believe it, he's dying Brenda."
"How do you know?"
Rhoda picked up the first few pages. "Heres a copy of his will. I get half of his money and Miriam gets the other half. Donnie gets certain things, and there are a few things he wants to leave for the baby." She set those down on the table and grabbed the next couple. "Here's a medical test that he got taken or whatever. Says he's positive for cancer of the esophagus."
"Oh my God," Brenda gasped. She took a seat as she kept her eyes on her sister.
Rhoda set those papers down and held one up. "And finally, a letter." She sat down and looked it over briefly. "Rhoda, I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I know that I must have made things unbearable for you, but you still stuck around. You gave me chances that I know I did not deserve. I started to become nervous when it was becoming harder for me to eat. I finally started going to the doctors. I was so stressed out. Hiding bills from you, waiting for test result after test result, I should have told you. I just couldn't though. I couldn't imagine telling you something horrible and then finding out its nothing. I also couldn't imagine forcing you to stay with me and watching me slowly die. Taking care of me and then the bills, I just couldn't do that to you. Especially now that I know you're pregnant. You need you time and energy for the baby, not a grown man who doesn't have much life to look forward to. I will send you what is left after I pay off the medical bills. Just please, forgive me. I would have tried to be more bearable to live with, but I guess a part of me just wanted to make it easier for when it did come time, I could easily leave without all the guilt, but of course I was wrong. I hope you understand, but I also understand if you never even want to hear from me again. Believe me when I say it, I love you."
Rhoda slowly looked up to Brenda. "I gotta go see him."
"You need me to come with you?"
Rhoda stood up. "No, I need to go by myself." As quickly as she could, she grabbed her purse and walked out the door.
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
Joe sat in his office. The chemotherapy that he had just started was beginning to show its harsh affects. His hair was still there, but his skin slightly paler, and his body slightly thinner. He had gone down to just desk work.
"Joey?"
Joe looked up. Something that he would never expect to see. "Rhoda?" he asked. That was when he figured it out. She got the letter. Everything was out in the open. "I'm sorry."
"I'll forgive you if you forgive me. Deal?" Her voice slightly cracked as she stood completely still.
"Sounds good," Joe said.
The room fell silent. The once happily married couple could now not think of two words to say to each other. Each was aware of how fragile the other was at the moment. "How much time?" Rhoda asked. It was a question that had been circling her mind ever since she had read the letter.
Joe sighed. "Well, depends. If the treatments do anything I might be able to go a few more years. Right now at the least I got about six months." He sat there for a minute and then sighed. "I'm still wondering how Donnie is handling this. I talked to him yesterday and I don't really know if he realizes what's going on."
Rhoda shrugged. "The kid's eleven. I'm sure he knows, he just doesn't want to acknowledge it."
"Right," Joe said.
Rhoda decided that it was okay for her to go and sit down. As soon as she took her seat, Joe suddenly felt more at ease. "You know, if it weren't for the fact that you were pregnant, I don't think I would be going through the chemo."
Rhoda looked to him with surprise. "What about Donnie?" she asked.
Joe shrugged. "I love him dearly. I really do. But I know that the more time I spend with him, the harder its gonna be when the time comes. I wanna see him grow up, move out, get married have children. That's not possible though. Even a few more years wouldn't let me see him learn how to drive. It would just be teasing me. Besides, I would be so weak, I wouldn't be able to do anything with him anyways. Without the chemo I could still do things up until the last couple of months. Truth be told, I would much rather him remember me like that than weak, thin, pale, bald."
"You really thought this through didn't you?" Rhoda asked.
"Not a decision to be made lightly," Joe said.
"No."
"You know though, if you allow me. Weak or not, I can still see whether that baby's a boy or girl. What you name it, meet it for the first time." Joe stopped and looked up.
"Of course. How cruel do you think I am?" Rhoda asked. "If anything, I want you to move back in."
"Are you sure that you want that?" Joe asked.
"Yeah," Rhoda replied. "I think I can manage to be there for my sick husband."
Joe stood up. "Well, I think I can be there for my wife while she's getting to both have a baby and lose her husband."
Rhoda stood up. "Sounds good to me," she responded as steadily as her voice would allow.
Joe walked around and stood before her. "I think at this point we should promise no more secrets."
"I don't see what we could keep after this," Rhoda said.
Joe wrapped his arms around her waist, and for the first time in what felt like forever, her pulled her closer to him. Rhoda welcomed in his warm embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ya know," she said looking up into his eyes. "I hate what you did to me. Leaving me like that. There is never going to be any excuse good enough. But I still love you."
"I love you to," Joe said.
They went in and kissed each other. Joe could feel the warm tears rolling off of Rhoda's cheeks onto his. It truly was a bittersweet occasion. They both agreed to stay with each other through his dying process.