Everything is CP Coulter's!

Chapter 5

The sun beat down on Julian's shoulders, his neck; his shirt was his only protection from the harsh UV rays. He wore swim trunks and sunglasses, and was lying on a chair at Logan's pool. Logan was on the chair next to him, with Derek on Julian's other side. Derek had dosed off, tired from the flight that morning, and Logan and Julian were going through alternating periods of embarrassment about the night before and happiness about it. They'd both been too open, they knew it.

I wish you could remember.

Teach me.

It was too much, maybe, and too soon, though Julian didn't really know. He couldn't tell.

His eyelids were drooping, the sun making him tired, and he didn't care about anything too much. Consequences weren't a problem, so that's why he said, "Tell me about us, Logan."

Logan, whose eyelids were also struggling to stay open, and who also didn't care about anything too much at the moment, said, "I don't know much, Jules. I really don't know as much about us as I thought I did."

"What is that supposed to mean, though?" Julian asked lazily.

"It means that I found out something that you told me that I don't know is true anymore, and I never knew it was true before, and I don't know what to do about it," Logan said, closing his eyes against the harsh light of mid-afternoon.

"What is it?" Julian asked, also with his eyes closed. The sun felt so good, life felt so good…at least, it would if he could remember it.

"I don't think I can tell you," Logan replied slowly. "It would be too…it would…well. I just can't tell you."

Julian slowly opened his eyes and sat up. "Why?"

"Because." Logan stubbornly refused to open his eyes.

Julian slammed his fist onto his chair. "Dammit, Logan, look at me!"

Logan's eyelids fluttered open slowly. He looked at Julian with a peaceful expression, which only made Julian more angry.

"What the hell, man?" Julian yelled, standing up. "You can't hide something about me from me! It's about me, dammit! I deserve to know! I want to understand, you're supposed to tell me everything, you're supposed to be the one who tells me about myself, please, just tell me, it's important, I know it, I feel it!" He shouted all of this, looking at Logan with anger and what wasn't hatred but was maybe love.

"If you can't figure it out, I shouldn't tell you," Logan said calmly. It was the first time Julian had ever seen Logan truly calm, actually peaceful, yet. Of course, Julian didn't know if he'd ever seen Logan like this before, but he was willing to bet that he hadn't.

Derek was awake now. He sat up and both Logan and Julian looked at him. "Jules, there's something you should know about Logan." Logan didn't protest to this, just looked at Derek with a haze in his green eyes that was all-too familiar to Derek but not at all to Julian. "Logan has anger issues-"

"So what's new?" Julian cut across him.

"-so he has these pills that his dad wants him to take, but he never does because-"

"Because then I can never feel anything," Logan said tranquilly, as though he were discussing the weather and not his own emotions.

"And for some reason he didn't want to feel anything today, apparently," Derek concluded.

"I should be really, really pissed at you for that," Logan said. "Maybe I didn't want him to know."

"Wait, so you're like…you're…" Julian struggled to understand.

"Drugged so the world makes sense?" Logan supplied.

Julian just looked at him.

"The world doesn't make sense for anyone, Logan, I don't know why you think it will if you drug yourself," Julian said softly, speaking more to himself than to Logan. "It just doesn't make sense." He shook his head and turned away from Logan, on his side, to try to see if he could remember anything.

"!"

The scream pierced the general silence of the restaurant, echoing through the ears of all the diners in their fine evening wear. Everyone turned to look as a short little blonde girl ran over to where Julian, Derek, and Logan were sitting in the back corner of the restaurant. Julian turned his head so no one would know she was screaming for him, but it was stupid and useless, because she came over and went, "Are you Julian Larson?"

Julian turned his head. "I suppose so," he said witheringly, because even though since he'd lost his memory he'd only been noticed a few times, he found it annoying already. Especially because the girls were always talking about things he didn't understand, like himself.

The general public did not know about Julian's amnesia, because the hope was that it would go away and things would be a lot less complicated if no one knew about it in the first place.

"Wow. Wow. I just completely love you in Something Damaged, I can't wait until it comes back in the fall. Grant is the best character hands down. And you're hot." She was grinning widely, completely at ease talking to a celebrity.

"Thank you," Julian said politely, glancing at Logan, who was delicately putting a forkful of lasagna into his mouth. His green eyes retained that hazy look, the look of not feeling. He'd been taking the medication for a week, and he'd been so much different than usual.

Julian hated it.

The fire, the passion, the reason that Julian liked Logan…all of these things were gone. Logan was boring.

So Julian had found himself spending more and more time with Derek, and he was realizing that maybe Derek didn't hate him after all.

"So what was your favorite episode to film?" the girl asked.

Julian blinked at her. "Um." He barely even knew what the show was about – the premise had been described to him once, but he hadn't quite grasped the concept. "Well, I thought the, uh…" He trailed off. Crap.

"Hey," Derek said suddenly, and Julian and Logan looked at him. The blonde girl still stared at Julian. "That's kind of rude, you know. Obviously he's having a private dinner with his friends, why would you think it's okay to come over here like that? This isn't an interview."

The girl finally looked at Derek. "Why doesn't he just speak up for himself if he has so much of a problem with it?" she asked sweetly, but with a biting edge hiding just under the sugar coat on her words.

"Because maybe he has manners – unlike you – and I don't have manners, so I'm perfectly alright with saying get out of here or I'll pour my water down your shirt." Derek glared at her until she finally turned, and with a final glance back at Julian, walked off.

"Usually Logan does that, but, well…" Derek gestured a hand in Logan's direction. The blonde was staring out the window at the water in the distance, boats bobbing up and down in the light of dusk.

"I think," Logan said slowly, peeling his gaze away from the window, "that we should have a Something Damaged marathon. You know, I've always kind of loved that show…" He threw a wink in Julian's direction.

Julian didn't know how to respond, so he just smiled half-heartedly and turned his attention to his steak.