Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter related. Any terminology, places or people that you recognize belong to J.K. Rowling.

Chapter Nine

As night fell and the groups fun in the sun day came to an end, everyone started to dry off and get into some warm clothes. They came back outside to discover that James had set up a fire pit, with some comfy furniture around it so they could roast food on the fire, and look at the stars. Dorcas had a feeling that all of James's ideas were mostly so he could get closer to Lily somehow. They all gathered by the fire, and started laughing and talking. Remus kept stealing covert glances at Roxanne to see if she was still freaked out by what he had done in the hot tub. She didn't really betray much, and Remus wanted to talk to her. A few minutes later he got his chance.

"I think I'll go for a stroll," Roxanne told her friends.

Sirius's eyebrows shot up. "Nope. Not alone. Not at night."

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Okay daddy," she said sarcastically. She got up and started walking away.

"I'll go with you," Remus said, standing up as well.

Marlene's eyebrows shot up, looking from Roxanne to Remus.

"Okay, thanks," Roxanne said quietly, looking at the ground. Remus caught up to her and they disappeared.

Sirius and Dorcas exchanged looks. They couldn't talk plainly with Marlene sitting there, but they silently communicated anyway. Marlene sat back on her lawn chair and looked pretty devastated. Lily dispersed the tension by bringing up a random subject that she knew would cheer up Marlene. It worked, but it seemed that Marlene still looked off into the distance a lot more than once.

Remus and Roxanne walked along the perimeter of James's house. Some woods covered the farther portions of his backyard, and the pair walked slowly next to the trees. Remus stopped in the shade of a particularly large beech tree and grabbed Roxanne's wrist to make her stop as well.

Roxanne was nervous. "What's up Remus?"

"I like you Roxanne. I really do. Sorry, but I can't hide it anymore." Remus said seriously, surprising himself with his bluntness.

Roxanne's eyebrows shot up. "No you don't." She told him shaking her head. He couldn't like her. He shouldn't.

He looked surprised. "I do. I have for a while now and I just never figured out how to tell you."

She shook her head, but didn't say anything. Remus took a couple steps closer. "So..." he prompted her, hoping she wasn't about to turn him down flat.

Roxanne's head was spinning. First Ryan, now Remus? She bit her lip. She didn't know how to react. She was so very lost and she didn't really know why. How did she feel about Remus? Could she see herself going out with him? She looked up at him, and his eyes shone with anticipation, and it was painfully obvious that he was more than nervous. Remus stepped closer to her again, reminding her painfully of Ryan. Roxanne didn't know what made her do it, but she grabbed his neck, pulled him closer to her and kissed him. Remus replied with enthusiasm. He grabbed her waist and deepened the kiss. A few seconds later, Roxanne panicked and pushed Remus away.

"What's wrong?" He asked her, out of breath.

"Marlene likes you."

Remus didn't look surprised. "I know." He said sighing, and his hands fell limply to his sides as he stared at the ground.

"So, we really shouldn't be doing this. She would be crushed."

"I..." Remus started nervously. "I like you though. Will you just tell me if you like me back?"

Roxanne couldn't answer. She shrugged and Remus looked hurt. He turned away from her and started to walk away sadly.

"Remus wait! Please don't walk away."

He paused. "What else am I supposed to do?" He asked her. He turned back around and faced her, with the same sad look still in his eyes. She went to him and put her hands on his neck again.

"I don't know, but just don't walk away. Please. We can work it out."

Remus shook his head. "I don't think so Roxanne, I should have known... it's okay."

Roxanne was confused. "You should have known what?"

"I'm a werewolf, and I always knew that I would die alone."

For some reason, Roxanne couldn't stand Remus talking about himself like that. She slapped him across the face. He looked immensely surprised.

"What was that for?" He said loudly, holding his face.

"I don't ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that ever again Remus Lupin! Do you understand me?" Roxanne said irritated.

Remus just looked at her. "So why don't you like me, if that's not holding you back?"

Roxanne deflated quickly. "I don't know Remus. I'm sorry," she said quietly. Tears started rolling down her face and she wiped them away in anger. She never cried, she hated showing weakness. Remus came closer to her, wiping her tears away. She jerked her face away from him, angry he had made her do this. It took her a minute to gather herself, but when she did, she sniffed loudly, turned and started to walk away.

"So that's it?" Remus called to her loudly. "Just talk to me Roxy, tell me something real for once."

Roxanne stopped dead. What did that mean? She turned back around. "What does that mean?"

Remus walked up to her. "It means I barely know you. You're so guarded all the time. Help me to."

Barely know you. These words stirred something up in Roxanne's memory, but she couldn't quite place it. Remus placed his fingers under her chin and made her look up at him, making Roxanne have some deja vu that she didn't want to have. His brown eyes were warm, and full of caring when he looked at her. A major opposite from Ryan's blue eyes that were just filled with lust and excitement. He stroked her hair, giving her another pain in her stomach, still looking into her eyes.

"Please Roxanne. Just let me kiss you."

She nodded. 'Fuck.'

Marlene kept looking at her watch, and Dorcas watched her sadly. Roxanne had told her that she wasn't interested in Remus, so what were they doing?

Lily announced that she had to used the bathroom, so she disappeared into the house. "I think I'm going to grab some marshmallows, anyone want some?" James asked the group. Everyone nodded so James got up. "Anyone wanna help?" Marlene nodded, got up and followed. Peter didn't want to be left behind, so he went too.

Sirius looked seriously at Dorcas. "What do you think they're doing? Roxanne knows Marlene is like head over heels for Remus right?"

Dorcas nodded. "Of course she does. They are probably just talking. They are friends you know."

Sirius scoffed quietly. "I feel so bad for Marley. It's obvious that Remus is in love with Roxanne. Did you see them in the hot tub earlier?"

Dorcas nodded again. "Yes, they're friends..." she didn't really know what else to say. She wanted to defend Roxanne, and she was pretty sure that she wouldn't do anything to hurt Marlene. Roxanne knew Marley adored him, and she wasn't the type of person that would do anything to hurt any of her friends. Right?

"He kissed her Dorcas. He's just lucky Marlene didn't see that."

"Yeah, but did you see how quickly Roxy got away from that situation? After he kissed her she barely stayed with him for another two seconds. She knows how Marlene feels about him."

"Well, even if they are not doing anything, Marlene sure thinks they are," Sirius said sadly.

Dorcas wanted to say more but couldn't because the rest of the group was making their way back to the fire pit. So she just rubbed Sirius's back reassuringly. "It'll be fine."

Sirius nodded, then smiled at her. "You're the best Dorcas. Have I told you that lately? I really..."

She never found out what Sirius really, because James took that moment to say: "Marshmallows! Come and get em!" Everyone laughed and grabbed a marshmallow.

The whole time that Remus kissed Roxanne, she kept thinking about Ryan, which made her feel like a horrible person and of course it also irritated her to no end. She kept noticing subtle differences in the way they kissed. Remus was soft, caring and unsure when it came to kissing her. Ryan on the other hand, was hard, passionate, insistent and supremely confident. Kissing Ryan passed her by in a whirl of color and passion and she barely had any time to think, but Remus was different. He explored every inch of her mouth almost painfully slowly, taking his time, savoring each moment. Neither was better, they were just different. They broke apart, each out of breath. "You have soft lips," she told him awkwardly.

Remus nodded, and leaned in for another kiss. Roxanne stopped him. "Please Remus don't. I already feel terrible. Marlene is going to freak on me and I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to talk to me again."

Remus looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry. I'll take the blame."

Roxanne just shook her head. "It's my fault, I told you yes. Can we please just not tell anyone about this? I really don't want Marlene to find out."

"I understand. If we're going to be together though, we'll have to tell her eventually."

Roxanne didn't want to fight, so she just nodded. "Not tonight."

Remus nodded too. "Not tonight." He gave her one last light kiss on the lips and they walked back to their friends.

Marlene was of course the first one to spot the pair when they arrived back at the fire pit. "There you guys are, I was just about to send out a search party." She told them, not able to keep the jealously out of her voice.

Remus chuckled. "James does have a pretty big yard."

Roxanne stayed quiet and just took up her seat again, reaching for a marshmallow.

There was an awkward silence, then Remus broke it. "Did you guys see that Daily Prophet that came out about a week ago, talking about all the werewolf attacks?"

Everyone looked at him sadly, nobody really knowing what to say. Remus just nodded. "That's why we took so long. I had kinda become a bit of a hermit after it came out. My parents left it on their couch and I read it and took it badly. Roxanne was reassuring me about it."

Roxanne couldn't believe her ears but tried to look like the story was not new to her. He was actually lying to his friends, something Remus never did. He lied to save her friendship with Marlene.

Marlene looked like she was about to cry. "Oh Remus. I was crushed after I read it. Those people really don't know what they are talking about." She told him, and she placed a placating hand on his knee. He took it, holding it in both of his hands. "Thanks Marlene, that means a lot."

Marlene was instantly happier. The tension dispersed and the group started laughing and talking again; Remus not looking once Roxanne's way, holding Marlene's hand for the rest of the night. Dorcas however, did glance at Roxanne every once in a while. She was not convinced.

Roxanne was getting ready for bed when she heard a soft knock at her door. She stared at it nervously. What if it was Remus? She swallowed and crossed over to it. "Oh Dorcas, hey. Come in."

Dorcas smiled and walked in the room, making herself comfortable on the bed.

"What's up?" Roxanne asked her as she rummaged around in her bag to find some sweats.

Dorcas stopped smiling. "I just wanted to know what really happened in the woods."

Roxanne's stomach clenched. "What do you mean? With Remus? Nothing. Well he told you... we talked."

Dorcas scoffed quietly and shook her head, then stood up to leave. "Fine."

Roxanne stopped her. "Hey. What? What's wrong?"

"Look Roxy, I understand why you wouldn't want Marlene to find out, she would be devastated. But I just can't figure out why you seem to be trusting me a whole lot less nowadays."

Roxanne looked surprised. "I trust you Dorcas. Why would you say that?"

Dorcas just shook her head again and kept walking toward the door.

"Okay. We kissed." Roxanne said loudly, exasperated.

Dorcas groaned, and turned back to her friend. "Why Roxanne? You know how Marlene feels about him."

"I know. It didn't go any farther than that. I told him not to tell because I knew how Marlene would feel about it. It will never. Happen. Again. I promise." Roxanne said, trying to convince herself as well.

Dorcas didn't know what to say. "Who started it?" Was all she could really come up with.

"He did. He was the one who offered to rub my back in the hot tub, he was the one that kissed me; He was the one that wanted to walk with me and he was the one that kissed me again. I really don't know why I let him. I'm sorry Dorcas." Roxanne told her quickly.

"It's not me you should be apologizing to." Dorcas said seriously.

Roxanne looked down guiltily. "He just kept telling me how much he liked me and he just looked so sad. Then he told me he should have known all along that he would never get me to like him. He blamed it on the fact that he's a werewolf."

Dorcas looked sympathetic for the first time. "I understand."

"You do?" Roxanne looked up hopefully.

"Yes, but for goodness sake Roxy, don't let it happen again!"

Roxanne half smiled. "I promise. I'll stay away." She said, hoping to herself she wasn't lying.

"So what about Ryan?" Dorcas asked.

Roxanne's eyebrows shot up, surprised. "What about him?"

"Are you going to see him again?"

Roxanne hesitated and she could not figure out why. "No. I really don't think so." She said firmly, not forgetting his last words to her.

Dorcas just nodded. "Okay, well I'll see you in the morning. We're doing whatever Peter wants because he has to leave in the afternoon."

Roxanne nodded too. "Okay, see ya."

Dorcas smiled and left. Roxanne collapsed onto the bed. Why? Why did she keep lying about the most stupid things? She buried her face in her hands. Ryan. Remus. Marlene. Dorcas. 'Why do I always have to nod? It's like I have two buttons, nod and kiss.' "Fuck!" She exclaimed, frustrated. "I'm cutting myself off. I'll be a hermit for the rest of my life so no one gets hurt." She stayed lost in her thoughts, deeply confused.

A.N. Hello again everyone :) I hope everyone had a merry holiday, those of you who celebrated anyhow. Hope you liked this chapter. Please Review.