I'm sitting in my room. No school tomorrow, Rent soundtrack is on, and I think it's time to write another chapter…

BY THE WAY. EVERYTHING IS STILL CP COULTER'S!

And thanks for the reviews, still loving them like I love chocolate.

Chapter 11

The first thing Julian noticed when he walked through the door to Logan's house was Logan on top of someone on the couch. There was some heavy duty lip action going on, and Julian figured it was just some guy Logan had found on the street. He looked away, deciding that now was not the best time to come clean to Logan. But curiosity pulled his gaze back.

And he saw long blonde hair laying across the couch cushion. He saw a skirt on tanned legs. He saw boobs spilling out of a tank top that had been pulled up.

Logan's hands were on her stomach, inching upward.

Julian turned and quietly exited the room to go into the kitchen, give himself a heavy dose of the strongest medicine he could find, and go to sleep. Derek was sitting on the counter, texting, face illuminated in the dark room by the fake light of the cell phone.

"Hey," he said when Julian entered. "You saw Logan's new friend?"

"Thought he was gay," Julian mumbled sullenly, staring at the floor.

"He is," Derek said wisely, not looking up.

"Know where the medicine is?" Julian asked.

"Cupboard in the hall, but don't you dare go killing yourself or anything," Derek said. "Logan would follow you if you did that."

Julian examined his feet. "No, I don't think he would, but I wasn't going to kill myself. I…am over him."

The biggest lie he'd ever told, but he felt too numb to care.

"Mmm. Right, you're over him. Yeah, and I vacation on the moon." Derek still hadn't looked at Julian, but now he looked up and saw the dark figure leaning against the counter. "You know what, I think it's time you and I did something – just the two of us. Do you want to go for a walk or something?"

Julian sighed. "Yeah. Sure."

The stars were coming out of the dark curtain of the sky as Derek and Julian walked along, two shadows in the shadow of night.

"Tell me…" Julian said slowly, "When you figured it out. You know. That I loved him."

"It was obvious, at least to me. Apparently not so much to Logan…" Derek laughed dryly. "But really, it took until Junior year for me to figure it out. You are a very good actor, so…"

Julian blushed despite his best efforts.

"Okay, well, in Sophomore year I had some suspicions. The way you watched him when he walked away, the way you teased him…the way you left when he and Blaine…well, yeah. I just figured it was a coincidence, but then in Junior year when you left when he fell for Kurt, it was as good as confirmed. And the way you look at him when he isn't looking. But I am. I'm always looking and I always see and…well, you know how I feel about it. You just need to man up. And not just when you're dying, because that doesn't count."

Julian stared at a street lamp a hundred yards ahead.

"Why did you do it?" Derek asked softly. "Why did you ruin things between you two? I may not know what you did, but when you remembered and he kept flirting with you, I figured that was it. It would happen. It was perfect, why did you screw it up?"

"I'm stupid," Julian said quietly, more to himself than to Derek.

"I know, but how?" Derek was pleading. "Tell me. Please. I have to know if I can fix things between you, and apparently I'm the only one with any brains here."

"You have a new girlfriend every week, sometimes two," Julian shot back.

"Since when was this about me?" Derek asked. "I don't make you sit around and watch while I mess up my whole life."

Julian considered this.

"I told him I was straight," Julian said after a moment. "I kissed him and then told him it…didn't…turn me…on."

"It did, though," Derek replied calmly.

"Best moment of my life," Julian said.

"Wow." Derek looked at the shop windows they were passing. "What are you going to do?"

"Not a clue." Julian ran a hand through his hair, something Logan did a lot. Suddenly, Julian's heart felt like it was ripping in two. Logan. Logan was making out with a girl, and at the rate they were going, he'd have sex with her within the hour. And it was Julian's fault, because Julian had broken the heart of the only one he'd ever cared about.

"Tell him the truth," Derek said. "Tell him the whole truth. Make it long, make it drawn out, tell him everything from freshman year to now, every single thing. He deserves it. Even if he hates you for all the things you've done to him, at least it'll all be out. Hiding from him has never worked for you."

"Since when did you know anything?" Julian shot back, though in truth that was exactly his plan.

"Don't tell me you didn't think of it yourself."

"I was going to do it tonight."

"And why didn't you?"

"He's rounding second base with a leggy blonde."

"Good point."

"So when?"

"I'll get rid of the blonde."

"No." Julian stared at the reeds in the sand as they walked onto the beach. "No, let him do this. He has his reasons, though they're probably delirious and drugged-up reasons. I owe it to him as much as I owe him the truth."

Derek looked at Julian. "We should encourage it?"

"Well, no. We should just let him be. I'll tell him. I will. After he gets over that leggy blonde."

Derek sized up Julian's expression for a minute before deciding the actor was sincere. "You really love him."

Julian didn't respond, but it was true. He really did love Logan Wright, and there was nothing he could do about it.

The leggy blonde's name was Kristin, and she had no shirt on when she was introduced to Derek and Julian by a Logan who was grinning – or trying to grin.

It was actually a grimace, but Julian and Derek pretended it was real.

They were going to do a lot of pretending in the week to come, during which Logan would pretend to be straight and pretend he loved Kristin. They had loud sex in the bedroom next to Julian's every night, and Logan even went so far as to ask Julian if he had any condoms, "Because obviously you're into that."

And Logan kept taking his medication.