How Can I be Anything Other than Me?

"I've got it on my mind to change my ways

But I don't think I can be anything other than me

Do you have a light? Can you make me feel all right?

There's plenty of light to go around

Do you think its right when you hit me to the ground?

Well light me up when I'm down. "

"I love you, you know that right?"

It bursts out suddenly while they're in the middle of watching some chick flick she'd put on, middle of popcorn between her hand and mouth.

She pauses, looks at him surprised.

"What brought that on?" wide eyes say.

"I just thought...you know maybe... I don't tell you enough..." smooth Humphrey, real smooth.

Perplexed, but smiles at his shyness and blush. Inside that self assured university student there would always be that bumbling awkward geeky boy.

She loved him for that.

Told him so.

"I love you too."

"Do you Serena?" should have left it alone. But he can't because he just can't ignore the signs. She's always breezing away, and Chuck isn't here to be her excuse.

"Of course, what do you mean by that?" affronted now, best defence was an offense. She wasn't lying anyway, she did love him.

A pause, searching, everyone was always searching for more from her. More than a sweet smile, blonde locks and blue eyes to be lost in. More...

"Nothing, I didn't mean anything," brushes away his uneasy feelings. No need to sabotage what they had. He couldn't let go of it, even if he wanted to. "I'm just being stupid."

Smiles, snakes his arm around her and kisses her cheek.

Sweet, gentle, soft.

He loved her, and only her.

She loved him too, but it wasn't exclusive.

"Serena are you even listening to me?" demanding.

"Yeah sure you want to take down Sarah something..." vague, careless. Concentrating on her phone, biting red lip.

"Not Sarah something, Sarah I'll challenge your queenship nobody. That text better be important Serena," demand attention.

"B. I thought you were past all this?" sigh, drags eyes away from the screen.

"She insulted me in front of everyone, I want to see her hang for this," outraged, insult to even suggest she would let that go.

"Fine, well I'm sure you can take care of it without me..." gathers blue bag and latte.

"Who texted you?" suspicious now. "It's not Humphrey because you're not doing that silly five year old giggle you always do whenever he's mentioned." Suffering sigh.

"It's just Mum. I have to go B..." evasive, too obvious. Red nails snake out, quick as lightning grab her phone from her fingers. "Blair give it back!"

"Not until..." pauses mid sentence as sees last text. Serena deflates, like a balloon.

"Nate?" raised eyebrows.

"He's just lonely..." it means nothing, absolutely nothing.

"Lonely? He hasn't had a room mate since..." since Chuck got back last year, and couldn't bear setting foot in the hotel that spelt his doom. "Lonely? Really?"

"Yes really!" determined. "We've been friends forever B. The four of us used to jump on the bed in our underwear remember? It means nothing." Just like then...

"That was before!" (Look how well that turned out for us) Pre tangling. You wish it meant nothing.

"Look I've got to go," can't handle this right now, repossesses phone, turns to leave.

"Serena you shouldn't be messing with this stuff," called after, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into.

Ignores her, one single hand wave to acknowledge hearing. It wasn't going to change anything though.

It starts off with a Wii death match of course, tennis.

He wins the first round.

The second round she plucks the remote from his hands just as he's about to pound her into the dirt once more.

They tussle, laugh, then they're falling onto the couch.

And suddenly it's like everything stops.

Remote falls from her fingers, hits the carpet, soft thud no one hears.

Preoccupied with the thudding in their chest.

Blue meets blue, fingers intertwined.

Closer, closer, closer.

Lips destined to meet.

Phone suddenly trills, she's too wrapped up to really notice.

Closer, closer, closer.

Vague thought, something about meeting somebody...

Phone continues to ring, irritated tsk.

"Leave it Serena," murmured.

Closer, closer, almost there...

Louder now, more insistent.

It must have been...

Dan.

"No Nate," trance is broken, wildly pushes him off her, flees again.

Left on the carpet with tousled hair and an unfinished game.

"B, I could really use you right now," tearful voice through the receiver.

"I'll be right there."

Takes her about ten minutes to get to the Palace bar.

Finds her friend, empty cosmopolitan glasses in front of her.

She could have filled them up with her tears.

Bartender chancing interested looks, steeling up enough nerve to approach.

Blair saves him the trouble.

"What happened?" voice soft, slides into the stool next to her. No sudden movements, don't spook her.

"I can't believe I did it B," looks at her friend, mass of guilt. "I mean just the other day I was telling Dan I loved him and..."

"Nate and you didn't...?" shocked happened quite this soon, but not surprised.

"No, no, but we almost kissed Blair. I'm doing it all over again. It's like I can't be with one without hurting the other." Can't find that happy balance of friendship and love.

"That's because you have to choose..."

"I did..."

"No, Dan chose you, and Nate was angry. But now..." Now is the time for you to choose.

Pauses, allows her friend to absorb the implications.

"Do you think it's possible to love two people equally?" In different ways, for different things, but with the same intensity, the same feelings. Equal.

Blair's painfully aware of her Prince, who she loves, and a boy somewhere far away, who she's in love with.

"No," sharper maybe then necessary. "You have to choose Serena, one of the other, you can't have both." You have to sacrifice something, we all do.

Serena avoids her dark gaze, plays idly with the glass in front of her.

Couldn't decide whether it was half full or half empty.

"Charles are you all right?"

"Fine," tries to keep voice steady.

"I have to go to work now, maybe I can.."

Manages to drag himself up off the floor, stumble to the door, opens slightly, just a crack so she couldn't' see how heavily he was leaning against the frame.

"I'm fine see? Just washing up."

"Are you sure?" Do you want me to stay?

"You should probably go, or you'll be late, and I know how your uncle hates tardiness." Resorted to sitcom style phrases, stilted off his tongue. In the hopes she won't notice how hard he was concentrating on not falling. Forces a wide smile.

"Okay...I'll bring you back some lunch."

"Okay," smiles until she turns and goes to the door, pauses for a second, then opens it and leaves.

Sighs in relief, slides down, down, down the doorframe to that cold bathroom floor.

Head in hands, clutches his hair in the hopes his mind wouldn't explode.

She'd been good enough, after everything, to let him stay without a word of protest.

He hadn't had a drink in two days and counting.

Hadn't checked his phone in three.

He could do this

Alone.

He was fine.

"Serena there you are honey," checks watch, a bit late to be rising.

"Hey," suppresses a yawn. Sunday brunch, Lilly kept it going, heavens knew why. Dan is absent (had a Sunday meeting with some poets club or something), as is Rufus and Eric. Pauses to look around the table.

"Rufus and Eric went to do something..." evasive, wasn't really listening when they told her.

"Eric went with Rufus?"

"Yes, it's good he's getting out again," instead of badgering the PI about the whereabouts of Chuck. Lilly had finally convinced him to let it go.

"Oh," slips into a chair opposite, grabs an apple. Doesn't bite into it just plays. Round, used to be her favourite shape, until she realised it had no beginning and no end. Eternity was more Blair's thing. Puts down the apple goes to take a strawberry, but then realises it's a triangle. She hates those too, a recent aversion.

"Serena were you listening to me?" mothers sharp voice breaks through idle thoughts.

"Sorry?" innocent wide eye blue, got her out of more than one fix.

Insufferable sigh.

"I was saying that Eleanor has offered one of her new dresses for you to wear to that party next week for that college fundraiser."

"Party?" brows furrowed, bemused look.

"Yes the one I've only been talking about all week." It was Lilly's way to organize her and others lives in order to distract herself. Serena didn't need to plan things, she had enough distractions. "If you want any sort of career in the future you have got to start getting involved now."

"It's a bit early to start thinking of that," small smile. Wrong move.

"A little early? You aren't a little girl anymore Serena and if you start..." she zones out after the first few minutes, smile quickly lost from her lips.

Didn't say a word against her mother's outrageous rant, she knew whose future Lilly was really worried about. But since he wasn't here Serena was the scapegoat. Spends the time contemplating if he was enjoying himself right now while she listened to all her mother's worry burst forth like a stream.

"If you don't start making some serious choices soon Serena you're going to end up with nothing."

Choices, word breaks through her reverie.

Could only put up with it out of pity for so long.

"Last time I checked it's my life Mom." Angry retort, stands on six inch heels and indignation.

"And you don't seem to be taking it seriously enough."

"Who says I have to choose now?" angry, frustrated, maybe even a little scared. Tears well up, wills them not to fall. "You? Grandma?"

"For goodness sake Serena act your age," annoyed now Lilly glares at her drama.

"For goodness sake Mom I'm only twenty. Just because you decide I have to act a certain way doesn't mean that I should. Who says I have to choose now?"

Turns on her heels, blonde hair flows like a mane behind her. Storms out (flees) on that note. On her last nerve.

"Life Serena," called after her, like a chain snaking around her neck.

Slams the elevator button, doors slide shut.

Tries to pretend she didn't hear.

"Hey Serena," called across busy New York traffic, horns and lights and all. A voice raised above the others.

She stops, doesn't turn, but doesn't run either. Allows him the chance to cross the street, honking horns, and take her hand in his.

"Hey I've been trying to call you all day, what's wrong?"

Turns to look at his brown eyes, searching hers. Taking in her limp appearance, her red eyes.

"Are you okay?" filled with concern, all concern and sweetness and worship.

Eyes fill up again, all he does is take her in his arms and hug her, and murmur all the right things into her hair.

She takes in the smell of coffee, and musty books and some cheap cologne.

Remembers adoring looks, sweet kisses, worshiping her like she was his whole world. Laughter and jokes, and endearing clumsiness. Being there when she needed, no matter what it was. The first one to tell her those three words, eight letters, and mean it with sober clarity and unending adoration.

Seeing each other for everything they were, loving each other for everything they could be.

And she allows him to look after her.

They go get some ice cream and she tells him about the fight with her Mom and he helps her to laugh with some wry comment. Then he helps her think with well placed words and more sensible advice than anyone else could give her.

They walk down the street holding hands, and she allows him to lead and he takes her to his favourite book store and buys her a novel he guarantees will help take her out of her misery.

They go to Central Park together and sit on a bench and watch the ducks on the lake, while he holds her hand, eyes intent on her face, and quotes words from poets long dead and buried.

She wishes she could speak his language as she listens to the sweeping cadences.

Eventually the sun sets, breaking the spell.

"Come on I'll call the limo to pick us up," laughs at the idea, but helps her from the bench and leads her on the way back to her upper east palace so she could reconcile with her Mom.

And she knows she doesn't have to learn his language, because he's learnt hers. He's learnt it all for her.

You're spiralling out of control, you're spiralling out of control, you're spiralling out of control.

Play, rewind, repeat.

Over, and over and over.

Everytime she looks in that dark mirror.

Everytime Louis gives her that adoring smile and she can only muster a ghostly imitation.

Evertytime she realises she has no idea where he is, what he is doing.

Drunk or sober?

Dead or alive?

Everytime she realises that there is a flaw in the new fairytale.

Everytime she looks in the mirror.

Enchanting.

Divine.

Ravishing.

Words that had once left his lips to describe everything he saw in her.

She keeps them in a box deep within.

Opens it sometimes, brings them ou,t dusts them off and reminds herself with eyes tight shut.

Enchanting.

Divine.

Ravishing.

Reminds herself every time she stands in front of that mirror and thinks of everything wrong with this picture.

Enchanting.

Divine.

Ravishing.

Tries to drown out that other voice, clambering for her attention.

You're spiralling out of control, you're spiralling out of control, you're spiralling out of control.

"Blair are you all right in there ma chere?"

Eyes snap open.

Enchanting, divine, ravishing. The mirror image mouths them back, not a sound.

"Perfect," replies aloud, tears her eyes from the mirror, dons the cloak of confidence and self satisfaction before walking out that door.

You're spiralling out of control, you're spiralling out of control, you're spiralling out of control.

"Nate" shocked gasp, mascara falls to the floor in the bars bathroom.

Doesn't voice what are you doing there?

Wasn't it obvious?

She had been avoiding him for weeks now.

"I had to see you," replies to the unanswered questions anyway, comes to stand behind her.

She doesn't dare to turn and look at him.

He's silent now, at a loss for what to say.

Examines his mirror reflection instead of filling the silence with meaningless protests.

Blue eyes as intense as sapphires.

Blonde hair carelessly ruffled into perfection.

Kissable lips.

Standing so close she can smell his expensive cologne.

All the memories rise up.
All the times together.

On a beach, playing hide and seek, during a hot New York summer, ice cube fights, a child's kiss, rescuing her time and time again, a shoulder to lean on, a knight to rely on, a real kiss at a wedding and more, so much more. Stolen looks, stolen touches, heartbreak and love, and more heartbreak.

Seeing each other for everything they were, Loving each other for all their imperfections.

"I can't do this," bursts forth out of her lips like a caged animal released. Breath quickening, heat rushing up, up, up. I can't choose now.

"Why not Serena?" frustrated.

"Dan is my boyfriend," quickly scrabbling with her bag, trying to latch it. Oh gosh she can't do this right now. She wasn't ready.

"And he's my friend, but that shouldn't stop us Serena, not if..." not if you leave him for me. Not if you love me.

"I can't do this Natie, Please," Please don't make me choose right this instance, right now. I just can't. Pulls away from him, pushes the door open desperately, flees.

Leaves him standing there once again, mirror reflection despondent.

"Excuse me?" lady enters, teetering between unimpressed and morbid curiosity.

"Sorry," mumbled, pushes past without a second glance.

Leaves the door swinging behind him.

Serena makes some excuse to Blair, leaves distracted and holding back unshed tears.

Blair doesn't comment, sometimes you needed a friend, other times you needed to deal with your misery alone.

Misery begot by itself.

Sees Nate a few minutes later.

Misery does love company.

Calls him over and buys him a drink.

And sometimes you just needed to drown your sorrows with an old friend and reminisce about how easy it all once was.

Throws bag on chair in the foyer, makes her way up the staircase to her room, (the one adjoining Blair's and not next to Chuck's.)

Ready to throw her head on her pillow and cry her troubles away, to dwell on guilt and admonish herself for being so terrible.

Opens the door, blinks once, twice.

Flickering candles everywhere, pinpricks of light.

Rose petals litter the bed.

He sits there, a rose in hand, soft music plays in the background.

"Serena," stands up, soft smile. Like seeing the sun.

"Dan?" shock. "You did all this?"

"Yeah," rubs back of neck nervously, self doubt rises up. "I mean I knew you were feeling down lately and I just thought...I mean Dorota helped but...I just wanted to do something special, just for you."

That's when the tears burst forth.

Terrible, terrible person.

"Hey, hey," envelopes her once more. "What's wrong, did you have a fight with Blair or something?"

Doesn't say a word to this. Lying by omission.

"We can sit and talk if you want?...or I can...I can leave..."

Grips him tighter, as tight as she could hold on. Knows she should just let him go.

But she can't.

Can't let either of them go.

"Serena what's the matter?" pulls her chin up, her blue eyes meet his brown.

"I just..." doesn't finish the sentence. "I love you Dan."

I don't deserve you.

"I love you too," small bemused grin. "Is that all?"

No that was everything. Love, love was the problem.

She doesn't answer. Chokes down her sob.

Goes to the bed throws herself on it recklessly, hopes he'll leave, wishes he'd stay.

Predictably slips down beside her, just looks without a sound.

Lie side by side, in silence. Fingers intertwined.

Eventually he watches as her tears dry.

Eventually both fall into a steady sleep.

When he wakes up his hand is empty.

Disappeared without a trace.

The candles are all burnt out.

Leaves with hardly any luggage and not a word to anyone

Just like old times.

When she reaches the ticket counter doesn't hesitate for a second.

Who better to drown her sorrows with?

He tried starting work again (got his own job this time, didn't want to impose anymore on her then he already had). He got fired on the first day. Swore at a customer who was being an ass. Threw his apron on the ground, kicked a chair on his way out.

"American pig." Followed him onto the street.

Did he always used to be this aggressive?

He knew he was missing something.

Missing everything.

He pretends he's still employed, goes to the bank takes out money and gives it to her, as rent.

She wants to refuse (but she can't afford to).

He's tempted every day, his hands shake, he feels like shit.

What the hell is he doing this for?

(For her).

Eva sits down next to him on the couch (the second week he's been here now and the days are getting harder.)

She doesn't say anything for a long while, they stare blankly at her small TV.

"Charles is there something you want to talk about?"

He flinches, remembers Lilly pleading eyes.

"No," knows his eyes and voice are dead as he looks at her. Can't muster enough to smile.

"Please...maybe if you could talk...you are scaring me." It takes courage to admit it.

A pause.
"I'm sorry," was that the right response?

He looks into her eyes and knows it wasn't.

She was searching, just like everyone else in his life, Lilly, Nate, Blair, his father...Searching for that more in a soulless boy. More than smirks, drawling quips and indifference. More...

And he had been trying to be better, he really had been. And he thought here with her he could be. Who else would accept him (after everything) into their home? Who else would not comment as he spent hours on the floor of her small bathroom.

He thought he had been a better person with her, the truth was he had just been drinking cheaper wine.

She leaves for work a few minutes later with only a final wistful look.

He packs his clothes and leaves her a small envelope filled with green notes and 'Thank you for everything 'scrawled on the back of a card.

There was nothing else left to say.

Opens the hotel door to be enveloped in blonde hair and that strong floral smell she carried everywhere. Immobilised for a moment stands staring.

Finally manages to disengage himself, clear his head.

"Serena?" a question.

"Chuck." Said matter of factly, that wide white smile, perfect teeth. Serena.

"How did you find me?" goes to most pressing question.

"You think you're the only one with P.I's?" silly, bubbly five year old laugh. Carefree. Glad he hadn't moved on from here too.

"You've had me followed?" raised eyebrows. It wasn't like he was trying to stay lost this time, he just assumed none of them would bother to look.

"Well not me exactly..." sheepish look, guilty shift of the eyes.

"Lilly, she's not...?" here, I can't face her right now.

"No, no," quickly assuages his fears. "I think Mom thinks it's best to let you find your way back or something zen like that. She didn't even let Eric or me know where you were.." rolls eyes, typical Lilly.

"Then how?" how did you appear on the doorstep, twelve at night, looking fresh as a daisy?

"She forgot I had the combo to the safe..." Searching for her passport, discovered the P.I reports, flicked to the latest one, found the name of a hotel in Paris. Hoped he hadn't moved on.

Pause, waits for him to say something, he just stares.

"So can I come in?"

Doesn't wait for his no, just breezes in bringing sunshine and light to the dark hotel room. He stays at the doorway, just staring.

Knows she's surveying every little bit of detail, the bottles on the bedside table (from three nights ago, the night he left Eva's and any hope of redemption behind.) Knows she was counting them, each one.

Despite himself his heart sinks, shame, it was a familiar wound. Just ask his father.

"Why are you here Serena?" he sighs, gives up on getting her out as she sits on the bed making it bounce up and down. Familiar question, unfamiliar situation. She had never followed him across countries before to evade her own problems.

"Does there have to be a reason?" all doe eyed innocence, stick to the shtick you know.

" Georgina show up again? Baizen? Your father?" Raised eyebrows. There's always a reason.

"No," pouts defensively, he should have known she doesn't like him mentioning her father. She should have realised he could relate, but maybe that was the problem.

A pause, he contemplates her for a minute, her flushed cheeks, dishelved appearance (behind the initial gloss), biting lip and worn down nails.

"Is it Nate?" He knew them both too well, her blush gives her away. "More boy troubles?" smirks, so predictable. It would almost be funny if it wasn't his best friend and his step sister entangled.

"Do we have to talk about it right now?" looks up at him now impulsively, pleading. And he can see the tears welling up as she bit her lip, desperate.

A pause, he's stunned at her complete vulnerability. Her trust.

"Do you want a drink?" No, I guess we don't have to talk about it at all. Phrase could have been better worded, slips lightly from his lips. At her look his smirk grows, a challenge. You have to take me as I am or don't expect me to take you at all.

A pause, she's conflicted, he can tell.

"I guess one..." for old time's sake.

They both know one will turn into two, two to four and four to eight. Eight to sharing one bottle while laying on the bed and avoiding the world, together. They'd seen it countless times before. Simple maths.

She still accepts the glass and watches him drown his down (drown himself).

For old time's sake.

"Sometimes do you think it would have been easier if we had just hooked up," random thought plucked from the swirling air to land upon her lips. They were lying together on the bed, bottle between them, just resting there.

She'd been thinking about the what ifs. What If they had just accepted the inevitable will of society to make it BlairandNate all those many years ago? Maybe they could have been ChuckandSerena by now.

"Us?" stunned.

"Yes, us," sigh, wistful, or maybe nostalgic. Take a moment to imagine a dream never realised, a concept never fully conceived.

What ifs...

There would have been scorn, alot of scorn, malice maybe, if they bothered.

Disdain, featured prominently, mostly.

Affairs, some of her men, mainly his women. Ignored because what else did they have?

Maybe if they bothered some fighting, public just to piss people off (her Mom, his lawyer, her Nate, his Blair). Then they would make up, because it was all superficial.

It would all be pure raw passion, impulse, no thought, no true feelings. They would care of course, they would dislike sometimes, but they would not stir enough to hate, nor would they ever love.

Sometimes they may have laughed, sat and watched their best friends (their soul mates) destroy each other (them) without even noticing.

Nate and Blair would have played the fairytale, Chuck and Serena would have just played.

Above it all, they knew how it was.

He would ignore her meetings with his best friend, she would ignore his rendezvous with hers.

They would not have been perfect no, but they had both been there. They understood how the game was played...

Pretend so no one knew,

Hide so no one saw,

Smile and the world would believe every lie you told.

"Simpler, but not easier," thoughts dissipate like clouds, she's left lying on rough sheets.

"Sorry?"

Exhale air blows out. Hard to explain. He'll try though.

"It would have been simpler but not easier."

"What does that mean?" curious.

"This, this is easy," words encompass them both lying on the bed, shoes off, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling, heads pressed together, hair mingling, like they were ten again. Confiding feelings and thoughts they would never divulge to their other halves. Light and dark were only ever meant to be friends.

A pause, they both contemplate this...easy.

Impulsively reaches out, takes his hand in hers, entwines her fingers. Inseparable, that's what her Mom used to call the four of them.

To her surprise he doesn't pull away.

"You know sometimes I'm almost glad Mom married Bart," I love you in just the right way.

A beat of silence.

"Sometimes I am too," relents to the inevitable I love you too.

Easy.

Silence. Closes her eyes and enjoys the easy sound of breathing.

"So you want to try out incest now?"

Pillow hits him hard in the face before he can dodge.

Utterly insufferable more like.

They stay in that hotel room for who knew how long?

Night and day seemed to bleed into each other.

They shared bottles, ordered room service.

Lived like they were fifteen again.

Like the real world didn't even exist.

She wakes up suddenly, eyes snap open. Dark, light twinkling through the window. Drags her jacket off, it's too hot. Turns over, he isn't laying next to her.

Quickly sits up, like cold ice over her. Looks around the room.

See's him (maybe the wrong one?) Remembers where she is.

Chuck's standing at the window, back to her, looking at the lights. Just a shadow.

"Chuck?" calls out to him after a second, voice hoarse.

He doesn't turn.

Long pause.

Finally he breaks it.

"Do you think it's possible for people to change Serena?" it's barely above a whisper, so quiet, carries in the dark to her sitting in the bed, blonde locks cascading down her back.

Quiet, she's so quiet, like the dead. Has no answer to this. Her own fears rear up.

An out of control girl, running from all her problems, never making choices only mistakes. Eternally fleeing from life itself...

"Yes," bursts forth, desperate. Had to be true. She had changed hadn't she?

"I don't," slight bitterness, slight mirth, all mocking.

"You're tired and drunk Chuck, why don't you just..."

"We're not like them you know." Cuts across her.

"Like who?" she knows who.

"Nate and..." He begins it for her.

"Blair," she finishes it for him.

She doesn't argue with that. They weren't. They weren't meant to rule, weren't meant to be admired, weren't meant to be followed. Not like that.

Yes people looked at Chuck and Serena, a boy and a girl everyone wanted or wanted to be...but no one really did, not really. Not when they looked beyond the persona of a blonde beauty and a dark prince. Look beyond the surface and you found lost, neglect, mistake, after mistake, after mistake. From the moment they were born. Daddy issues, no nannies to pick up the slack. Screwed up everything they touched, like Midas without the gold.

That's why they'd always dived headfirst together, while Blair and Nate hung back.

"No, we're not..." finally answers him while he waits, can't argue with the facts, can't put into words everything she's thinking.

"Immaculate?"fill in the blank. Turns , by the light of the city of love she can see vaguely he's mocking smirk, the drink in his hand.

There's a long drawn out pause.

So many, too many she's allowed him tonight, allowed herself. Enough.

"That doesn't mean we should stop trying," defiant to his surrender.

"Really?" scornful.

"If anyone can do it, we can right." Is it a question or a statement? She tries to smile at the corny line.

"How?" another murmur, she wonders if he had hoped she hadn't heard.

It's easier to give up, than to keep on trying...

"Maybe it's time we go home..."

Do you think it's possible for people to change.

No.

But it couldn't hurt to try?

Spotted: Grand Central Station, Serena van der Woodsen, with Chuck Bass in tow. What happens in Paris stays in Paris, right guys? Not for long if I have anything to say about it.

You know you love me

xoxo Gossip Girl.

A/N: This was more Serena/Chuck centric (in a sibling way.) I want to also explore the Nate/Blair friendship a bit more, because they are the NJBC. Never fear though there shall be Chuck/Blair interaction in the future chapters. I'm still not sure who Serena should choose, Nate and Dan both have their good qualities when there with her. And I swear I wrote this chapter like two eps before the recent episode lol, I was already playing with the whole Nate, Dan decision in my mind. This was supposed to be a longer chapter, move the story along more, but I thought there just wasn't enough pages to do justice to do what I want to do. Plus I was running out of steam for this chapter, so I think it'd be better to post this and start a new one. How crazy are the song selections lol, Love the Way you Lie, and Make me Wanna die (which I was actually contemplating for this). Must by psychic jks = P. If you read this please review and make Chuck chuckle = ). Thank you to everyone who has reviewed the story so far it really motivates me and I appreciate it = ).

Rant of the week: Okay what is up with Vanessa and Jenny having a burning hate for Serena. I get Juliet, but basically Vanessa's beef is errr your rich and get away with everything and I'm poor so I hate you? Uh yeah Vanessa your also annoying, which is probably why everyone turned on you! (I know I'm mean lol but they're all fictional characters so they won't get hurt = P). And Jenny...I still don't get why she suddenly hated Serena, she's a spoilt brat herself! Anywayyyy I really hope the NJBC and Dan get together and kick their butts, show them how pitiful they are muhahahaha. Lol. (And possible kill Vanessa = P). Can't wait for a classic takedown. (Though I kind of don't mind Juliets character, not as annoying as the other two and I can actually feel sympathy for her, though she is a raging psycho drugging Serena lol. I would love to see her and Georgina get together, that would be scary!).