Sometimes Fairytales Aren't Meant to Come True

"I know you suffer for my art

Always pulling us apart

You're forever in my brain

Even when I cause you pain.

And I know I can't taste your skin

With an ocean between us.

But our love is a dinosaur

Hear it roar."

She's taken to reading classics, all the old books from English lit and beyond.

Today she's decided to go with Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

The story of a girl with two loves, with only one she can truly love back.

Fitting.

Too bad she can't get past the first line.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

She reads that line, again , and again, and again.

Eventually throws the book on the floor in disgust.

Life was either at its very worst or at its very best, it couldn't be both at the same time.

It could never be both.

Didn't make any sense.

Dickens was an idiot.

The day Chuck comes back to New York Blair reads the Gossip Girl post on the plane to France. Louis is holding her hand, neck arched and mouth adorably open as he sleeps.

She hesitates for a second over large black print Call Chuck? Then she shuts the phone. Decisive snap.

If he wanted to talk to her he could be the one to call.

She wasn't the one who had run away.

(She was the one running now.)

Oh it's everything she expected.

Beautiful chatteu , snobby relatives she had to win over, some cousins she had to fight off.

Filled with that old drive, finally a purpose again. Prove herself within the month.

Starts off excited, dazzled, charmed.

Initial gloss wears off eventually.

Left feeling like she had every day of her life previously, a nobody, not worth the crown she clung to.

Here she wasn't Queen B, she was just a big fish in a bigger ocean.

Taken to locking the bathroom door and crying (when Louis was out playing polo or something equally ridiculous.)

Tries not to think that if he was here he wouldn't be caught dead on a horse. No he'd be sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for her.

The snide comments, the looks, the contempt seeped out of every pore of these women.

No matter how well she posed, how sweet she smiled, how cultured she sounded, she would never be good enough.

Her worst fears realised.

Whispers in rooms as she listens in the corridor.

"What does her mother do again?"

"A designer."

"No," absolutely scandalous.

"Louis has always been headstrong, but I'm sure the infatuation will pass."

"Undoubtedly."

Sounds like a 15th century novel. Blair hated outdated snobbery.

She keeps on fighting though, she wasn't going to give in to these snobs.

She was Blair Waldorf.

Enchanting, ravishing...she's forgotten the last one. Maybe she'll forget them all in time.

She scores a few points, digs and finds secrets (there are always secrets).

Thinks she's beginning to come into her own (she no longer has the heart for it).

And that's when she meets Claire.

Claire, blonde typically, hazel eyed (not so typical), French, beautiful.

Claire who appeared sweet and kind.

Claire, the daughter of some diplomat.

Claire, Louis high school sweet heart.

She first spots her at a ball (yes a ball). Across the room she glides in dressed in white (while Blair is in red), laughing at something her father (presumably) whispers to her. Blair wouldn't have noticed her at all if it weren't for Louis beside her.
Trails off from his train of thought, staring.

She knows that look (oh she knows it all too well. The one she tried to hide from him in New York.)

"Who is she?" voice so quiet as she inspects her saviour.

Brings him back to reality, tears himself away, turns to look at her. Blinking rapidly as if he'd just been staring at the sun.

"Who?" fakes bemusement, note too false.

"That girl in white?" how fitting, white.

A pause, hesitation too long. She could teach him a thing or two about deception. "Nobody," finally settles on saying. "A nobody," stipulates as she continues to stare.

She knows then, but she doesn't pursue it further.

Doesn't yell, or slap, or growl. Doesn't formulate plans of revenge.

Just looks at the girl with the hazel eyes, and thinks of a boy at home.

It's an all too familiar scenario

She notices the looks, clenched jaw, clenched fists; irritation growing as Claire flirts with one of Louis handsome older cousins (doesn't miss the looks Claire flicks towards Louis either under thick eyelashes.)

It shouldn't have been a surprise then when Louis dragged her (unusually assertive) into an adjoining empty room and began kissing her (angrier than usual too).

It was all too familiar, she'd done it countless times after all.

But Blair Waldorf was not one to be used.

"Who is she?" whispered in between kisses.

He stops dead.

"A nobody," repeats, avoids dark gaze.

"Who is she?" persistence paid off. She knew all about persistence.

He sighs, runs his hair through his hand. Torn. She knows about that too.

"Blair, I...I..."

She knew already, but she had to hear it from him.

So she kept on looking, cool persona.

"She and I used to date." Finally relents, "She...we had our differences..."

A pause.
"You love her." Not a question a statement.

"Loved," looks at her desperately now, trying to convince himself more than convince her. "But I love you." Too is implied.

A further pause, blue meets brown.

It's like Nate all over again.

It's like...

She understands now, the scene in the hospital makes so much more sense now. He was trying to convince both of them then, as he was now. It was better this way. Both hearts attached to someone else. Better to fool each other, as they tried to fool themselves, rather than someone innocent, someone unattached, someone who was actually free to fall in love with them, free to have their heart broken.

Facing a crossroad now.

To use and be used.

Settle or Leave?

"Blair I am sorry, I should have told you earlier," accent thicker as he's agitated, pleading with her now, her icy silence, dead eyes. Inner struggle.

Settle or Leave?

"I just...I love you...can you not forgive me?"

Detached, feels the touch of his hand, bite of one of his rings.

Settle or Leave?

Thinks of a girl, just in the other room.

Thinks of a boy, far away.

Settle or Leave?

Remembers words in a stark hospital.

"Blair?"

Her French Prince prompts her (anxious).

Meets his clear blue eyes.

Settle or Leave?

She smiles (too bright).

"There's nothing to forgive."

"But...?" blinks, stunned.

"That's what love is no? Give and take?" I understand. This is the best we're going to get.

She gives him a light hug and walks calmly out of the room and back to the party.

It was easier then she thought.

To settle.

Serena and him stay at 1812 for a day. He wonders if it's going to be like Paris.

It's not, she's gone the next morning.

There's her messy scrawled writing on a post it attached to the empty scotch bottle on his bedside table.

"Gone home."

Come too.

So he gets up and for once he does as she suggests.

"Charles," Lilly embraces him, without reserve.

The truest thing that's ever been between them.
Everything she's ever wanted to say to him.

You came home.

Eventually his stiff arms come up and embrace her too.

Home.

"What's wrong?"

Ever since he's been back Eric hasn't said a word.

Walked out of every room he's been in.

Given looks to challenge Rufus'.

He's wearing flannel for goodness sake.

"Nothing," same cool distant look. Grab OJ from fridge, moves to go to room.

Steps in front, active blocking.

"I know something is wrong," I'm not a Humphrey, I don't believe everything out of people's mouth. "You haven't been on my back since I've been back." Drawls, dry attempt at humour as looks down at glass in hand filled with amber liquid.

Pause, swears the young boys fist clenches.

"Are you going to get out of my way?" Cool and calm, keep it cool and calm. Raise of eyebrows.

"Are you going to tell me?" Two can play at that game. Where do you think you learnt it?

Without a word he turns and walks around the counter, without a second glance.

Chuck isn't going to let him get away that easy.

Who's the older brother here?

Follows him to his room, Eric had locked the door.
Quick.

Underestimated his persistence.

He didn't come to stay here for dirty looks and stony silence.

Not from Eric at least.

Bang, bang, bang.

Waits for a second.

Bang, bang bang.

He could do this all night, not like he had anywhere else to be.

Door swings open before lucky third.

Stands there tense.

Who will blink first, like a five year old staring game.

Surprisingly Eric was the first to break.

"I just can't do this anymore okay Chuck!" Furious, accusing, angry.

Tries to slam door with dramatic statement. Expensive shoes prevent him.

"Do what?" bemused.

Eric stares for a second, then with an angry head shake turns and goes to desk. As if he's not worth the effort.

Chuck follows.

There's silence while Eric pretends to be absorbed in his laptop and Chuck stares at him. Like a puzzle with a peice missing.

"Are you angry at me for some reason?" finally breaks the silence, bemusement. Where did this come from?

Eric gives up on ignoring him, turns in the chair, glares.

"The fact that you have to even ask that question..."

"I don't understand," takes the high road, goes to sit on the bed. He was always one to elicit answers from the questions he asked. Feel free to explain.

Silence hangs between them, maybe some prompting required.

"Since when do you wear flannel?" Raised eyebrows. Joined the army of Humphreys?

"What's it to you?" uncharacteristically aggressive.

"Just wondering if I should start taking preventative precautions, Humphrey appears to be contagious." Usual drawl, arrogant smirk.

"At least Rufus sticks around," muttered resentfully, turns back to the laptop. "Don't you have a li liquor cabinet to raid Chuck?" Obvious dismissal.

"Since when did you develop an attitude?" Keep it light, wit made everything less sharp.

"Since when did you pretend to care?"

Stunned silence, frowns as surveys the younger boy and his anger.

"I thought we were...?" brothers.

"Yeah well so did I Chuck," my mistake. "That was before..."

"So what changed then? Rufus the saint show you the way to righteousness?" annoyed now.

"No, Rufus didn't leave without saying a word after almost dying."

"I didn't..."

"You over dosed," cut across his denial. "You did almost die Chuck. And after almost dying you left yet again, without telling anyone, without telling me, after I asked you...Guess I'm the idiot for believing you'd actually care enough to listen."

Drawn out silence, both survey each other.

"I'm sorry." Seems to be saying that a lot lately. Dead words.

"No you're not." Cool statement of fact. "But maybe you should think about at least Mom, or Serena before you leave again, before you end up in hospital again..."

"I'll try to leave you a note next time then..." small smirk.

"Don't bother," muttered bitterly, turns back to empty screen. "I can't care anymore Chuck, not if you can't even try..."

Sighs heavily, no getting through to him today. He knew anger, resentment, bitterness, blame. So he got up and he went to leave. Maybe it was better this way anyway, less people to hurt.

"You know I could never understand before, but now I think Blair was actually the smartest, out of all of us."

"What do you mean?" sharp now, dangerous look.

"She left instead of staying and watching the inevitable...Maybe she was right, maybe you'll never change."

A long drawn out silence, rooted to the spot he stood stunned, speechless.

Eric frows, waiting for response. Refuses to look at him. Not in anger, perhaps in regret.

When it comes it's not what he expects.

"Maybe she is," so quiet.

"Chuck wa..." quickly turns, repent too late.

He's already out the door before Eric is out of his chair.

Scotch glass left behind on the bedside table.

"Oh sorry..." apologies lost in the air as she looks up. Blushes profusely. This was not how she imagined it.

Spilled books on the ground around them, (had to catch up after her impromptu holiday). Thought she'd try college before she tried the loft. Humphrey found her anyway.

"Dad told me you were back," from the ground, picking up her books. Straightens. Jaw tight, familiar line. "Of course I was still trying to figure out why you left."

"Dan..." what followed? She had no idea.

"Was it me Serena? Blair? Chuck? You owe me the truth at least."

"It...I..." It was everything, it was nothing. Words fail her yet again.

"Gossip girl suggested maybe...you and Chuck..." ears red. Can't believe suggesting it, but can't shake there's something (someone) else.

"What about us...?" trying to understand, suddenly dawns. "Ewwww me and...that'd disgusting. No," scrunch of nose, pure honest disgust floods him with relief. He still felt slightly guilty for the other night, the guilt he carried for landing the Basshole in hospital. He knew his psyche too well (when you wrote about someone it got like that) he shouldn't have used it against him.

Too bad Serena wasn't as easy to work out.

"What is it then?" frustration raises it's head yet again. Always groping in the dark, Serena has the light, but all she'll ever do is give him her hand and expect him to follow blind.

"I can't..." start of so many sentences past.

"Right, I get it," cuts across. What more could he do for her. "Well when you feel like you can explain, you know where to find me."

Final (they both know it's not final). Turns and walks away. Maybe if she had called his name, (just once, just a whisper) he would have repented. Turned back and ignored the faults for the girl.

But she didn't, so he kept on walking.

City lights glimmered up at him. He rested his legs over the edge, swinging them.

Back and forth, forth and back.

Like he's five again.

Oh how he wishes he could be five again.

Five and catching the back of a little girl in a navy blue dress and a red headband with a perfect little bow.

Brown hair, so long, even then. Perfect curls.

Hand in hand with a blonde he doesn't even notice.

Runs behind her with Nate, builds up the courage and tweaks one of those curls out of place.

She turns, not doe eyes though, a lionesses. Hisses like a cats, claws extended.

He just stands there in awe.

He's always been in awe of her.

Except now he has another thing to put on a pedestal, amber liquid.

He tips the bottle, watches the gold pour down, down down.

Sound of traffic, beeping horns, yellow taxis and twinkling lights.

He loves this (on a good day).

New York, his empire, his home...

Is it still home when nobody wants you?

Are you still King when you just want to hang up your crown?

He was tired... He doesn't think he's ever been this tired before.

He stands shakily, stands at the edge.

It was a long way down (it had been a long climb up for his father, hadn't he reminded him time and time again...Chuck was born on greatness he never deserved.)

He wonders what falling would feel like.

Would it be scary? Would it be exhilarating? Would it be freeing?

Falling without a parachute, now that was true free falling.
Chuck Bass was never one to do things in halves...

Maybe she was right, maybe you'll never change...

Dan doesn't know what he's doing there. It was stupid really, what did he expect to find at Nate's?

Illicit photos just lying around, Nate and Serena locked in a kiss...

He felt stupid.

But he still rode the elevator and got out at the top (the very top).

He looks around the penthouse, he hadn't been in a while.

It was pretty clean, none of Chuck's women lying around now he never came home to enjoy them.

Dan was really hoping there would be some lying around... (Photographs sent to Serena and it would end it, whatever it was).

He knows he's being petty, but love made you do crazy things right?

Or was it lust?

He'd forgotten...

Nate's not even here.

He guesses this is the perfect opportunity to snoop then.

Find out what was really going on.

After all it's the obvious conclusion isn't it?

It isn't Chuck, well then there's only one other boy who could cause this much trouble between Serena and him...

It was obvious all along, but he guesses he was intentionally blind.

He heads to Nate's room. Feels guilty, wants to be vindicated.

Hesitates at the doorway, not really sure what he's doing here anymore?

What is he doing with a girl like Serena? What is he doing calling home the upper east side?

But no one ever really knows what they're doing right?

He takes one step into the room, looks back unintentionally. Reflex reaction.

Starts when the phone suddenly rings, shrill and loud and insistent.

Intruder.

He stands there, stock still as it rings out.

The answering machine picks it up.

"Nate," it's her, it's always her. Air blows out of his lungs. Is the phone still ringing? Or is that just him? He guess he's got his vindication right there. He knows he should storm out angrily, but he just stands there and listens. He wasn't ready to walk away yet.

"Nate, can you pick up please? Look this isn't..." she sighs, he can imagine her doing that five year old thing, blowing the air out of her mouth in one large gust, tugging at her hair and biting her lip. "Chuck is...I guess missing, I don't know. Eric says it's serious. He's really upset, he thinks he might have said something bad, and Chuck ran...Anyway if you are there can you at least check to make sure he's not at the bar or something? That he's okay, for friendships sake..." she trails off there. Wants to say more, he can tell. But she merely sighs and puts down the phone.

He listens to the engaged signal.

Beep, beep, beep.

Look, this isn't...?

Isn't what Serena?

He thinks about storming out right now, going to find her. Grabbing her and not letting her go until she answers him, answers every single question.

If he's honest with himself he'll only ever ask her one...

Do you love me?

But he knew she wouldn't answer anything right now. Because Chuck was missing, and Serena had become a real sister without even knowing it...

Dan shakes his head, holding his nose, he tries to think but he can't.

Looks around at the empty apartment.

For friendships sake...

Is that all it was?

He thinks of the night of their first...was it a date? Even then he was never sure with Serena.

It had ended with him feeling like a hero, saving the princess, punching the villain, getting the girl...

Except he doesn't remember any fairytales beginning on a roof...

Small intake of breath as a thought precedes that...

Shakes his head, can't believe he's doing this.

But he'd do anything for her right?

Has one last look around. There are no answers here.

Then heads for the stairs.

To the roof...

We all fall down.

He's standing at the edge now. Balancing there.

Black toes of his shoes peek out.

Precarious hold on reality.

He tips the bottle, it's almost finished.

Watches the droplets fall.

Down, down, down.

We all fall down.

He laughs, a small chuckle.

Chuck chuckles.

Funny.

He looks out at the twinkling lights.

Lets pluck the diamonds from the sky.

He breathes in deep the air.

He spreads his arms wide, raises his head to the skies and closes his eyes. The small breeze plays with his hair.

He's just listening.

To his heartbeat, to the heartbeat of New York.

Unison.

He loved this city.

Maybe the most you can hope for is that your last thought is a good one...

The noise of his city is interrupted by the banging of a door.

Eyes snap open, he turns unsteadily (not too fast, he didn't want to merely fall).

Standing in front of the door is a Humphrey.

Mouth agape, he's staring at him.

Like he's crazy.

Even when he's silent, he still knew how to annoy Chuck.

"I'm not crazy," snaps, tries to shake his slipping jacket back onto his shoulders.

He wasn't crazy.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

"I'm sorry?" Dan finally finds his voice. Blinks slowly. He hadn't said a thing...

"I don't remember inviting you up here, Humphrey." Sneers, deflect. Realises mistake a tad too late.

"I was looking for Nate."

"And you thought you'd find him up here?"

Cheeks redden at the sneer.

"No."

Silence between them, Dan is still staring.

In suspended life.

"What are you doing Chuck?" it finally bursts forth, a rush of sound.

He blinks slowly, annoyed trying to focus on Humdrum Humphrey.

Opens his mouth for a sharp retort.

Only to realise he has no answer.

What are you doing Chuck?

He glanced behind him, down at the swinging lights.

His head spun suddenly.

Everything seemed to blur.

What are you doing Chuck?

He was suddenly aware of his heart pounding painfully in his ears.

What are you doing Chuck?

He doesn't see the city anymore, just a pair of brown eyes.

What are you doing Chuck?

Looks back at a boy he despised. They're the same age, and yet it seems like worlds separate them.

What are you doing Chuck?

It finally leaves him, a broken whisper. The truth.

"I don't know."

She looked down at Louis where he lay.

The city lights twinkled in from the window, shadows of dark and light across the room.

She rises from the bed, goes to the window.

Gazes out at the city that was not her home.

She's with her Prince.

But he's not who she's thinking of.

Her fairytale.

Not her epic.

She glances over at A Tale of Two Cities laying untouched on the bedside table.

Goes to pick it up, reads the first passage once more.

"We had everything before us, we had nothing before us"

Snaps it shut quickly at this.

Looks down at Louis, then out at the city.

"We had everything before us, we had nothing before us"

She finally understands what Dickens means.

A/N: I haven't updated this in ages, I couldn't seem to finish this chapter. But I've still got my plan for this story so when I have a spare chance I'll try and finish it.

I still love Chuck, the last episode just left me feeling incredibly sad for him. He needs the NJBC!

Anyway thank you to all those who reviewed.

Please if you read this review!

One of my favourite songs is used, Kisschasy Dinosaur.